"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Spider Monkey!.....

Katrina is still hanging around. I drove home at 9pm. in the downpours. I'm tired of being wet. (from the rain) Since Ohio is the construction capital of the world (I think it really is written somewhere) I had to drive thru construction, and about got lost in the water twice cus it has nowhere to drain in the construction. Scared the shit out of me! Everything you touch is wet. It's humid. When you have a billion animals, it doesn't smell the best in the humidity.

Ah, the spider monkey. For years, this animal has captivated a group of people that I know. But, what is so special about the spider monkey you ask? Several things.

It was a stupid thing that TWDSO and his friends said. Simply, "spider monkey". Usually as a toast while doing a shot at the bar. Usually a high-pitched mileaminute 'spidermonkeyyyyy' It was some big freakin' secret, that the boys in the group, kept from the girls. They would say it was something special about the spider monkey.

Oh, we've looked into it. Lots, and lots. Even watched shows on the stupid things. It is something 'special' about the spider monkey. I believe they said it was something special about the female.

One guy claimed to have told my friend the secret when she was drunk, and she forgot. I think they are a bunch of liars, cus she said she would've remembered something like that. Asses!

Here are the findings:

*They get drunk off of fruit, and fall out of trees and act like human men. (which is actually quite amusing to watch if you get the chance to see this on animal planet)
*Females are aggressive
*Females have an enlarged clitoris
*They use their tail as a fifth limb (could be like human men and their penis's)
*Live approx. 30 years.
*Travel in 'troops' of approx. 20
*Easily excitable (like human men) and will throw things at invaders of their 'troop'

We were told by another girl in the group that her husband spilled the beans. She said, they said spider monkey because the males will have sex any way they can with the females, all over, hump their head, it doesn't matter. If you were using it in a sentence, you would say:

"I got it on like a spider monkey last night"

I was quite disappointed that this was the big freaking secret? What a rip off! Leave it to men to think their secrets are funny, or worth keeping. I was let down. I expected greatness. Something worth taunting people over, and laughing about, and keeping quiet. Big deal, they hump a lot. I could hump a lot too, but it wouldn't make me a secret worth keeping now would it?

Last night I was telling WG how my cat was crying weird cus he was probably getting it on with his mother, they are perv's, those cats of mine. I told him how my vet said he still likes it even though he is fixed. WG told me that some monkeys enjoy sex even if they can't reproduce.

"like spider monkies?" you ask?

So I looked into it.

Turns out, this is true. I believe that I have finally solved the spider monkey secret.
They probably never wanted kids, and they still liked to get it on, so they said "spider monkey".
This is an equally gay reason as, getting it on like a spider monkey. But no one said these guys weren't stupid.

I don't care if I'm right or wrong, cus I don't have to hear their dumbasses anymore, but I just wanted to state, for the record, that I have solved the mystery.

(I would advise against being fooled into thinking that because one loves to have sex and not reproduce, it does not mean that they are worth having sex with. This has been my experience. Some people think their great, and they really suck ass. GROSS!)

And now children, time for a story.

There was a king, who lived in a big old house. He wasn't the king of anything. He wasn't old, but he really looked old. He was stupid and thought that his job as king of his big old house was important. But really, no one cared that he was the king. And, he smelled.

The king had no desire to find a queen, he was content living in his big old house with a maid. The maid loved the king, and longed to be queen, but he would never acknowledge her. He acted like she didn't exist. After all, he was the king, and she a mere maid.

Each day, she would pick up after the king, try to juggle her duties as maid, and jester for the king. Occasionally he would laugh at the maid, but never for long. He preferred to watch jousting, and racing. The maid also worked outside the big old house, to earn an extra income so that one day, she could be queen, perhaps of another kingdom.

Once in a while, the maid would fulfill all the kings wishes, and we know what this means. This was a chore, because the king of nothing, was a terrible lay. Perhaps this is why the king would never take a queen?

After years of service to the king, the maid could take no more. She demanded he pay her attention, ask her to be more than his maid, or she would leave, and clean her own big old house, vs. an ungrateful king of nothing's house.

The king was stubborn. He liked the maids services, but did not want to share his ""vast"" kingdom with her. He preferred to be the king of the big old house, all alone. The maid took her belongings, and found a kingdom of her own.

Now, she is the queen of her own kingdom. Where she makes the rules. She isn't reminded daily of how nothing in the big old house was hers. She actually met a prince, who does not treat her like a maid! He makes her smile, and feel loved.

If only she had known this was possible, she would have left the king of nothing years ago.

The distance between kingdoms is not long. News travels. And before long, the queen heard that the king had maybe taken a queen of his own. This did not bother her in the slightest. The maid knew, something was going on with the king and his new queen for quite some time.

Sadly, the king of nothing, is yet again, alone. His new queen wised up, and has decided she does not want to be the queen of nothing. Perhaps the king has pushed his power and importance onto her also. Perhaps, the king kissed her with his dead fish mouth. Or, the king may have pulled a spider monkey on his new queen, and she was out the door!

(this is the likliest of happenings cus you can maybe get over the dead fish mouth kissing, but if you get it on soon and it sucks, you can still get out. The maid was in service for the king for a long time before giving up her goods.)

And this story ends, with a happy ending for the maid, and new queen of her own kingdom. She has finally found love. She has longed for this for a lifetime, and never quite found it. She was too busy taking care of kings of other kingdoms, and not caring about how badly she wanted a kingdom of her own.

And secretly, she laughs inside, at the king of nothing. For he is all alone. He let a good maid go, hell, she even cleaned his TRACK marks out of the toilet!!!!!!


Today's Question:

What was the best arrival of your life?

I have only known WG for 2 months, but it was definatly when I got back from Columbus for work. I was only gone 3 days, but I have never, and I mean NEVER missed someone that much before, and NEVER felt so good to be missed equally!
I never felt a loss being away from someone before.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Nightmare on My Street....

Well, Katrina is coming. It's gloomy, and miserable outside. On top of about 90% humidity. Couldn't fix my hair today. So I could've slept an extra 15 min and ended up in a pony tail, what's the difference?

Last night I was a good girl. I went home, and got on the treadmill. I also normally do intervals of walking/jogging. Which seemed to kill me. So, I jogged for 1 mile straight, which was a first for me. I did a 15 minute mile. I remember Oprah set that as a goal for herself, and she has a trainer, okkkkkk? I rule!
Normally I poop out. Yay me! Then I walked for the other mile. I took about 2 weeks off, thats enough horsing around, I'm back in the saddle!

The nightmare....

So, I'm laying in bed last night with WG. After not getting any, which is the next topic. Cuddling up. Content. And right as I'm drifting off to sleep, he strangled me. To me, he strangled me! I don't really think he did, but I was half asleep and I think I jumped a mile off the bed, and shook him awake. He had his arms around my neck! He wasn't trying to strangle me w/his hands at least. He said he had a twitch which he does do often. I dunno, it scared the shit out of me, and I really wanted to not lay next to him after that, for real! I really was afraid. Sleep is some crazy shit!

Let us think back to a time when TWDSO woke me up, holding my nose shut. I am determined that he tried to kill me. He probably tried to get me to stop snoring, but I woke up when he was doing it, and he denied it and denied it. I know what I felt, and saw in my face when I woke up! He denied that too, like I don't know what happened. Of course, I thought he was posessed.

Fun Fact: My mom and sister are my beneficiary's. If anyone should kill me it will be one of them. No one else gets my money! And, it is only 50 grand. Good luck furthering yourself with 50 grand after my funeral, and pet care. I only have about 15 thousand in debt.
This, does not mean anyone should kill me! I'm not worth the risk!

WTF do men want to kill me for?

I think it is because I like sex. WG told me today that he is oversexed from his birthday wknd, so he needed the night off to recoup. Of course, first thing I think of is that he doesn't want me. And it festered and brewed in my brain, in true woman fashion! So, I look up the word. And the definition does not fit the usage.

Main Entry: over·sexed
Pronunciation: "O-v&r-'sekst
Function: adjective
: exhibiting an excessive sexual drive or interest

I think perhaps he meant to say, that I am oversexed. Which, I wouldn't exactly argue with. I think that is called, human nature. But, I have also never heard of a man saying that. So I think today I am utterly depressed in the rain because WG is tired of me. I think, perhaps, most men tire of me.

When last wknd I was spending Friday alone, I told my friend Beth that means I am not getting any. She said you will live for a night without it. Well, yea, but why do you want to? Is it me? Am I really oversexed? And if so, why is this a problem again????

sing with me:

I don't see nothin wrong..
with a little bump and grind..

Of course, he adamently denies this, but he said it. He did his best to take back any bad meaning in it, but whats done is done. I am probably over reacting. I do that.

WG: I'm oversexed from my bday wknd
ME: We just had sex every day!
WG: Yea....
ME: I won't bother you for the sex anymore.
WG: I want you to
ME: You are tired of me and it's only been two months.
WG: I'm not use to it, but I love it. Do you believe I love you?
ME: Yes
WG: Would someone who loves you be tired of you?
ME: No

Whatever! I am not use to it either! I am use to finding ways to go to bed before someone, or pretend to be sleeping, anything to avoid being touched! Bleh! I am not use to thinking about it 24-7. Normally about now, I'd stop having feelings because I can't handle them. This is a good excuse in my mind.

WG told me he hadn't gotten it for a period of time, which, neither had I. We were about exact on the time we went w/o it!! I dunno. I know there are people in the world who have no homes, and I am complaining about this, but that's my life. What's wrong with wanting sex?

I am a woman. You don't tell us you we are fat. You don't tell us we don't cook good. You don't tell us you don't like our mothers. You don't tell us we are undesireable. You don't tell us we have bad taste. You don't tell us you don't want to have the poo tang. Ever.

Cus, we are women, we dwell on things. We devote our blogs to the fact that you don't want to have sex with us even though you clearly said that you do, we will still remember that you didn't. I never pretened that I don't dwell on things. I am entitled to get fired up now and then!

I also, in no way mean that all WG is good for is the sex! Cus, I love him but if you are a woman, you know what I'm sayin!!!! It is in our secret code books, page 53!

And it brings me to a revealing fact. If you are in fact with a woman, who does NOT enjoy the sex, you are not doing it right. Ask any woman, who you are not dating, and they will be honest about it. Who the hell doesn't like an orgasm? Anyone?? Thought so!

Maybe I just have PMS? But I don't think so!

I'm off to have my review, and be even more down in the dumps cus I have had a rough start to a year, but I'm not going there today!

Today's Question:

What is the longest period of time you could spend on a desert island with your significant other, before you need the company of others?

Well, yesterday I might have said forever. But now I ammend this, and say, as long as he is giving up the sex, I could be with him forever and need no one else. Otherwise, we'd have to get some other people on there, for an orgy. Which, he wouldn't be allowed to be involved in, cus I wasn't enough for him then neither is a group of people!


Me. Revealed...

My Birth Month Reveals:

Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in
games and interactions. Impatient and hasty.
Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to
be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises.
Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and
trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered.
Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high
pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to
joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, August 29, 2005

The Countdown Begins...

So, I am going to be 30 soon. (76 Days)
I don't think I would be sooooo upset about it, if it weren't for things they make you do in school.
Such as, where do you see yourself at.......?
I decided to look up my old school papers, to find out where I am suppose to be at 30. This was for school, so don't poke fun at my usage of words here, I was trying to get a good grade!

Let's review:

When I am 30, I will be happily married to my high school sweetheart (ex-husband). I will work in office administration (I work in marketing...still in an OFFICE) and earn a great income. My husband (ex husband) will work some type of manual labor (i dunno wtf he is working on besides making babies). Hopefully, he will be a machinist. We will have a beautiful house in Green. (we had an ok small house, in Akron, which was foreclosed on!). We will start planning our family, we want a boy and a girl. (I think he has like 5 kids, and now I dont want ANY!) I will be a stay at home mom, and he will support us. (WTF was I thinking? I am soooooo not that girl anymore!) When our kids grow up, I would like to go to school to be a veterinarian. Because, my second love, is animals. (man, I was dreaming, 2 kids, a big house, and a husband, plus veterinary school???????)

In exchange...I moved out at 18 because I couldn't get along with my mom. Moved in with my exes mom while we 'built' an apartment in his friends GARAGE! We had no working toilet. My dad ran a plumbing line out there for us. We lived there a few months, moved back in with his mom, and got a real apartment. Got engaged, because I wouldn't drop the issue, we'd been dating 3 years at the time. Bought a house, got married. Fought. Constantly. Got cheated on, a few times. Went to counseling, forgave him. Got cheated on again. Got left. Got divorced. Lost my job. Lost my car. Took my car from him one day while he was working (that was classic on my part!) Lost the house. He stayed in my life for a while, because I was not allowed to move on, but he could. Still wanted the poo tang, cus I got it like that! ha ha ha! But once I was with someone else I realized, he was a lousy lay!

So, I did meet some of my goals, I just didn't set myself good enough goals. Don't do that to your kids. Cus when they are pushing 30 they will look back at it and realize what they have or havn't accomplished.

In honor of my rapidly approaching birthday, I am going to be taking some trips down memory lane to make myself feel better. I've been reading my old journals from 10-11 yrs ago. While I use to be young, I was not carefree. I am much happier now.

So, for the young kids out there, I'm your inspiration! I hear people say all the time how much better life gets when you get older. You aren't so concerned with what people think about you, and you love yourself more. I think this may be true. I'll let you know!

This wknd was fun. Friday night I went to see Skeleton Key by myself (ahhhhhhhhhhh) I enjoy a movie alone. It was pretty good too! It's about voodoo, not so much about ghosts like you might think. I didnt get to see WG he did some dumb sports fanatasy thing Friday. I loathe sports.

Saterday I went shopping, and cleaned, which is always a great excitement! We went out to the Bier Haus for WG's Bday. (Which is officially today) He is 36 today. Yea, he is older. Not old, cus one day I will also be 36, see, you learn these things!

I let WG open his presents, even though his bday isn't until today! He seemed to like them all. I was nervous about it and it took me forever to pick stuff out. I got myself a new pillow, and my neck/shoulders/back still hurt from it! Stupid pillow!

They had martini shooters on sale for $2. Me and Tayray did a couple, or three. MMMM! We worked on WG's shot list so he can get his jacket. WG and Ahnolde played pool. When we got there I think there was like 10 people in the bar, and it was at 9:30! Dead night! But we were the party. The DJ played Ahnolde's CD.

We sat on the futons for the first time, and I had on a skirt, it wasn't very comfy at all!

Tayray and I had a secret mission. We left around 12 to go to the bell for us all, and get some windows, that someone threw out. I paint them stained glass. We stopped in the busy street and loaded up 5 huge windows in the trunk then the trunk wouldn't close, so we had to put them in the car. All the while I'm on the horn w/Bubba, trying to get her to come out with us, and we're dying laughing. I stopped to use the pisser on the way home, Tayray wouldn't let me go at this one place she told me was a house, like it mattered. So I found a port-a-potty down some side street in an allotment. It was dark, and you don't dare sit on the skanky seat so, I peed all over my underwear. That is always a fun treat. But man, it felt goooooooood to pee!

The boys couldn't hang at the bar and went home and were playing cards when we got back. I changed my drawers, and we ate our taco bell. Ahnolde made us watch boxing. From, like, 1972!!! Tayray and WG called Bubba she said she was coming but she didn't come! She hates us now!

Today's Question:

What is the wildest thing you have ever done in a car?

You may expect, some wild sex story. But everyones done that. I multitask in the car.
It takes me 30 min to drive from job 1 to job 2. Its actually a 15 min drive, but you sit in traffic for 15 min. So, I do things such as, moisturize my feet, and elbows. Write myself lists, and notes of things to remember. Make phone calls, Clean the ashtray, wipe my gearshift off. Armor-all the dashboard and doors. Flip thru my entertainment weekly (i really cant get into reading them) Add up my previous nights earnings from job #2. This is precious time when you don't have much, so I use it.

Now when I was young, and the girls were in the right spots, I use to flash people all the time. The best is flashing someone on a bicycle. If you time it right, you can make them fall!!!!!!!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Office Pranks!.....

In the spirit of Friday, I pulled a classic office prank, on my good friend Tayray!
I got said idea, from Kat who successfully pulled the prank off this week herself.

Firstly, Tayrays computer was locked, but it wasnt hard to unlock it, guessing her passwords. I would never use my power for evil Tayray!

I opened her outlook mailbox
printed the screen
pasted it into paintbrush
saved it to her computer
opened the file
set it as her desktop background
then, hid the icons on her desktop.

Now, it looks like Tayray's email is open. But when she tries to get into her email, nothing will work. Beth sits with her so she will keep me posted. I am dying laughing just thinking of it. Tayray will probably get mad and shut it down, but itll still be up there!

Unfortunatly, 3 hours have passed and Tayray did not notice I had done this. I had to go to her computer and say:

"Isn't something wrong with your computer?"

She said No.

When she came out on break she told me I had broken her computer because she couldn't shut it down. LOL! Beth said she got really mad and slammed stuff around.

Uh Oh!

She kept saying:

"My start button wouldn't work"

I said:

"It is just a picture of your start button"

But all is well now, it didn't go off as planned, but let us all learn from this. Maybe shut down all their programs so they have to see only their email?

Lost in the World of Warcraft...

My friend Kat, has been lost for a while. She has been to another world.
Now, I enjoy video games, but I have not played since the Sims on PS2, I don't own a game system. That plays anything but the original Sonic (which I got from Kat matter of fact!)

Sing: "Segaaaaaaa!"

I try to be hip and in the know about various things, but this was the funniest email ever. It reminds me of myself, and my Tivo. Like, these characters are real people! I can relate Kat I aint haten' on ya!

Me: Clueless about online gaming
Kat: Technical wizard to me

She writes:

Check out burnsfamilycats -- I added a screenshot of some
of my guild friends on World of warcraft. The guy in the middle
is Gordrune. He's pretty rad and he has two bad ass swords.
One glows red. They are rare and expensive. I think he paid
like 2 golds to purchase them and get them enchanted.
I'm offically addicted to the game. That screenshot was taken
last night at 2 am!!! I could NOT stop playing. I only leveled
up once though. I'm a 16 now.

My guess is a guild is a group of people on the run killing folk, with light saber like swords?

Bear in mind I have no idea what 2 gold peices equals, in the World of Warcraft, but I am guessing they must be a lot, if they are enchanted!!

I assume leveling up was a good thing, but I can't be sure how good since she said she 'only leveled up once though'

And, she is a 16!! Let's give props to Kat, the next international World of Warcraft champion, if there is such a thing. Word on the street is her husband is addicted to it too. It started with his addiction, about 2 weeks ago, and slowly, now, she is addicted also.

When I told her I thought she was a geek, and asked if I could blog about her World of the Warcraft addiction she said I could, and added:

One thing about my screenshot thats cool -- if you look
at the purple bar you can see that I'm about to lvl!
How exciting. When you lvl all this bright magic
light surrounds you and you get access to more spells,
better armor, and some really cool talents. I don't have
many talents yet because I"m only a 16.

So, don't touch the stuff man, apparently, if you catch World of Warcraft, your done for.
And give your condolences, after all, she is only a 16!!!!

Good thing you aren't a boy Kat! Cus --
"Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills...."

I on the other hand went to the Bier Haus last night. Not only was it kareoke, but it was also ladies night so I got my beers for a buck. Can't beat it! There was a lot of people there, me and WG went alone. He sang really good. He was also good w/the crowd. There were some interesting folks as always at the Beir Haus, gotta love it!

I made new friends too! Some girls who were from Akron and hated it, and said they just moved to our little town. Stacy, and Nicole. Stacy said she also use to live in Doylestown, where I lived w/TWDSO. She said she dated a guy who lived there.......I said his name wasn't TWDSO was it? Cus he had an ex named Stacy. Too bad cus that woulda been some funny shit!

We stayed up a bit when we got home after 12. Mind you, Tayray always says how old we are, but yet, she wasn't out kickin it w/us now was she? And Ahnolde is OLDER than me, so maybe when I turn the big 3-0 (which is only 79 days away be gentle!) I will be unable to stay up past 10. (thats ok ahnolde I did this for years, but I'm better now)

And, in closing, a lady at job #2 last night said she was going to be 51, I said you don't look it, she really didn't! I told her I was going to be 30 and she was equally shocked. She said she thought I was 22. I really hope when I am 40 I look 29!!!! I drink a lot of water. That is the only thing I can credit, cus I do smoke. Must be my polish blood. I dunno why, but it sounds good!

Today's Question:

Who is the person with whom you've been the most infatuated?

I guess my ex husband. Cus I certainly acted a fool with that boy for years! And, I as blind to all the crap he did! Oh, young love.........to be innocent again! lol!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I Am of No Relation....

I do not know these people. They are especially, not my family!

I think they have been spotted somewhere in PA so if you are anywhere near the state, be warned. They are armed and dangerous.

They may, or may not be related to this woman, who is also dangerous, she resides in VA though, they are trying to infiltrate the entire east coast.

Don't let the goggles fool you, you can escape her by water. She will not follow you if you go under.

Sometimes I'm Stupid...

I had a nice relaxing tan for lunch, and a nap.
I woke up feeling refreshed, looked in the mirror, and I have a spot where the radio remote was laying on my stomach.

It looks quite stylish, and I bet I start a new trend. Forget the stickers of playboy bunnies, and shamrocks, or hearts, I am a mutha effin p-i-m-p.

I got a REMOTE tan boyeeee!!!

Exe's and O's....

My ex called me last night. 'Z'. I almost didn't take a break at 8, and he called me when I was out there. I dunno why he does honestly. He pretty much calls me when him and his g/f are fighting. He asked how things with WG were going. Asked if we were serious. I said yes. He asked if we lived together and I said no, it's only been 2 months and I am living alone for at least a year. I still get a chuckle out of the fact that he is supporting his girlfriend, her kid, and their kid. It's something I like to call...karma.

I worked 2 jobs when I lived w/him and he barely worked 1. He would get paid on Friday, and by Saturday, he would be broke. They would smoke/drink/pill pop it all away. While I was ignored, and not allowed to leave the house, and made fun of for being at work all the time.

I guess this time he didn't piss me off. He normaly doesn't but it makes me in a bad mood. I don't like to remember how crazy in love I was. I don't even think it was love, it was more just crazy. I had a lot of feelings for him, a lot of mixed-up, wacked-out feelings. Most of it had to do with the fact that he was the first guy I dated after my ex husband. And it was RIGHT after, while I was still separated. I latched on.

'Staring in her face, I see a past that still haunts me The road where we split up is paved with the things I didn't say We had wonderful times, but terrible timing Now just leave her alone, I'll just be in the way'

Well...where am I now? Certainly not unhappy. Or supporting someone. He seems to be happy being a dad. I still can't picture it. He was always so irresponsible. The only way I think about kids, is wondering if I will regret not having them. That is not a good reason to have them. People try to make you feel guilty when you don't want kids. Make you feel selfish. How could you not want kids? How could you want them?

At my second job, they had a petition going around last night. Most places, would not even read the petition, but I bet you they get some action out of it! It's a pretty nice place. They are moving and asked for our input on what we want in a new building, such as a smoking area. Which now we have a nice covered patio. At my first job, they stuck us out by a dumpster. In the wind and rain and snow. Better than nothing, but it's nice to be considered!

We don't get vacation at job 2. You earn 'benefit' time. And it takes roughly 1 month to earn a shift off. For me, its 4 hours. When I first started you could request a day off, and make up the time within the pay period. Someone didn't make their time up, which I would say is a supervisor's neglegance, but that one person got it taken away from us. Now we are signing a petition cus in our handbook, it clearly states we can have flex time. They never changed it. Say a prayer for me, so I can have a day off once in a while! I am starting to crack!!!!

Working there alone is like torture. I am tired of my music. Tired of listening to the same people talk about their same boring lives every night. Tired of the retarded people and their stupid antics that they think are funny. Typing the same jobs. I did make $17/hr last night to mindlessly type. So, I really can't complain. But I also can't wait to QUIT!!!!!!

I never said that I stayed the same weight yesterday. No loss, no gain. Yea. Next week it is game on, these women are bitter about losing to me. Gotta give em a run for their money you know!!!

100 Calorie packs. Best invention ever. As long as you leave them in the car, so you don't eat more than 1!! I got the Chips Ahoy. MMMMM!

Today's Question:

What is the most overused word in your vocabulary?

we just talked about this on break yesterday! 'FUCK!'

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

If I Only Had a Heart....

This love thing, is for the birds. I have turned into someone that I took great joy, in making fun of. Someone is in love? PFFFFT! on that! What happened? I dunno, I think I fell! I think I fell, cracked my head, bumped my elbows, and scraped up my knees. That is the only explanation I can think of.

I don't pretend to understand it. Because, I can see myself with WG forever. I hate to even say these words, because lurking in the back of my mind is that evil voice,

"some day you are going to be sorry you wrote those words for everyone to see"

I don't think I will. Because, even if something happened with us, and we didn't make it, I know that I can be this happy. I thought it couldn't happen again. This is why I don't believe in soul mates. If you believe that, you lose out on your chances at happiness. Oh, whats the point, I thought SO AND SO was 'the one'.

There are not many people who claim to have found 'the one' so why not call it, someone to love? That can happen more than once. And it can still feel fantastic!

In my true colors, I started thinking of reasons I shouldn't be with WG. I call this stinking thinking. I tend to do it alot. I'm afraid I will be hurt, so I think up reasons to not like him so much, so that I wont """"Get Hurt"""". I never said it made sense. Maybe I should listen to the reasons not to like him? Who knows!

I keep thinking, I really hope it is for real. I was so against meeting someone at this point in my life. Sometimes, we don't know what is best for us though. Everything happens for a reason. I don't remember the last time I felt the things I feel now. It is nice. I might even say, I love being in love. I had gotten so bitter, because I was miserable. I thought it was me.

I am still capeable of love. Amazing.

This line is perfect, from of course, an Edwin song:

'You're my survival, you're my living proof, my love is alive and not dead'

I stopped feeling about 6-7 years ago. Because I was tired of hurting. Once you start to have feelings for someone, you remember what you are missing. It actually takes more effort to not have feelings, then to let your feelings show.

I laid it all on the line for WG when we started to talk at first. I said that I didn't do this, or that, and this wasn't me, or that wasn't me. You won't buy the cow, you know....

Most of those things, have gone out the window. I didn't do those things, because I didn't have feelings like I do now. I am pleasently suprised.
I love it. Sometimes, it drives me crazy, that I can be sitting, or laying with him, and feel like, I want to be closer. I can only describe it as a hole. I just wanna put him in my hole....ok, well, that sounded reallllly bad! LOL!
I have no idea how to get closer. I keep thinking, the relationship is still new, of course I feel this way. There is more to it than that.

I use to be one to say "their all nice at first"

"your always happy at first"

Not really. You aren't 'always' happy to begin with. You get clues, warning signs, signals. At least I did, and I ignored them. You are normally on your best behavior at first, sure. But their not 'all nice' at first. It took my ex 'Z' exactly one week to spit in my face and call me a whore for talking to a guy in a public place, and I simply told him my name when he asked me. I wouldn't call that 'nice at first'. Maybe some people have better luck, and find guys who are 'nice at first'?

WG...genuinly makes me happy. He makes me want to be selfless. I have always called myself selfish, and to a point, I still think I am. But I have been more giving with him, than w/any man, in years. I don't remember the last time that I wanted to make someone happy. VS. wanting to be made happy. I am happy. I was happy when I met him. I think that is the key! I am not looking for someone to 'make me' happy anymore. I do that for myself. He enhances my life.

My main worry is finances. I worry about money a lot with myself. That is why I work 2 jobs. I am afraid to lose job #1. I have never been employed this long somewhere, so I am terrified to lose it. I know, I couldn't make it w/o my income. I am afraid. It scares me. I really don't want someone to 'take care of me' I want to work for what I have. But I also want to know that if God forbid something happened, I could make it. 'We' could make it. That holds me back. Money sucks!

This brings me to my shoe theory again. It really isn't my theory, but my counselors. That if you wear a size 8 shoe, and you put on a size 7 and it doesn't fit, what is wrong? The shoe, or your foot? I answered, the shoe because it's the wrong size. Wrong. Neither is wrong, the shoe is fine, for someone who wears a size 7.

People are the same. Everyone likes a different type of person.
Ever said this?
"If he's so great, why is he still single?"
Well, why are YOU still single? Same difference! And when someone makes you feel great, you want to do great things. (sometimes I'm Gay!)

Everyone is going to have annoying habits. Like leaving lights on all the time, or cupboards open. I did learn, that if something bothers me and you ask them to stop and they don't-- to do it yourself. Because everyone has different issues. Things don't bother you that bother them. So, I close them, and turn the lights out. It's nicer than bitching about it.

I will admit there are a lot of things about WG that scare me, that hold me back from thinking it will be forever. Just that glimmer of doubt. I do have a little apprehension left from being afraid of being hurt. But nothing like I normally have. For some reason I trust him, more than I have ever trusted anyone else. And according to his track record with his past, it makes no sense. Maybe because he was up front with me about it from the get-go?
I told him my deepest darkest secret, that only 1 other person knows. (That goes to the grave with Bubba) After only knowing him like a week! Why? Don't ask me!!!!

I know that people don't generally change. But, I also believe that the right person can bring out the best in you. It's happened to me. I never thought it would. I found someone who makes me want to be a better person.

I have always wanted to say that. And now, I mean it. If it can happen to me, it could happen for him right? I like to think so. I am mostly worried, about finances. I wont be working 2 jobs forever. Right now, I am living comfortably. Paying my bills. Spending money. I know once I quit working another job, I wont be able to spend money. He is not good with money. I am not great with it, but I am not in the poor house. I pay the bills. I am responsible.
He told me he isn't good. I am hoping he can change that. My ex husband was that way, spending all the money, while I had to pinch pennies and go without, to buy things.

For instance, I told WG I don't have the money to go out this past wknd, cus I was getting my hair done. It was going to cost almost $100. He couldn't believe it. I said, well, it'll be $70. (It actually costs 58 for a hilite/cut but with tip its 70) Different things are important to different people. I will never stop having my hair done by Angie. I'm a girl. You don't find someone you like to do your hair that often. It took me about 24 years to find someone I like! It's important!

Those are the little sacrifices you have to make when you are a couple, sharing a residence, and life together. Let each other have their thing. As long as you can afford it, I don't see a problem. As long as you work for it, you deserve it.

I have always been super responsible with work. It's the way I am wired. I think my divorce and losing everything is what did it. I did get fired once for missing work, and that is scarey. It'll never happen to me again. And, it helps when you like what you do, and where you work.

So, I'm still happy. It's been almost 2 months we have been together. I keep having deeper feelings. I think I question it so much, because I didn't want this, and now, I am up to my eyes in love. If I had made the decision to find someone, I might trust it. Even if it didn't feel right, because I decided it.

Things do happen when you least expect it. Good, and bad. I always told my friend Dusty, that when God found the perfect child for her and her husband, they would be able to adopt it.
They tried for so long, and kept getting let down, and I'd say, you wait, when you find that baby, it will be right. It will be perfect, because of all that you have been through.

You know, they found a baby. He has been like their biological son since he came home. It is really weird, how well he adjusted. He is perfect for them,and they for him. Thats what the wait was for.

If I can believe this for them, I have to believe it for myself.

Maybe, everything did happen for a reason. I do know, that if I had not gone through all the bad, I wouldn't appreciate the right thing when I found it. I probably would've taken it for granted.

And in closing, this is for the Momma. I was talking about leaving TWDSO and told her how he is jealous of my pets. She told me that every guy would be. (I am a little extreme in my love for them, some might think) I am thinking this time momma may be wrong. I knew there was a guy for me, that loved animals. Can I say that last night, Chelsea jumped up on the couch a few times for cuddles, and laid down on WG? He petted her too! It was only the cutest thing EVER!

I've rambled enough! I have to weigh in today. I'm not feeling any lighter. I didn't work out much. I have been slacking. I gotta get my butt in gear before someone beats me!!!!!

Today's Question:

When do you love yourself most?

I love myself most when I stick to my food/exercise plan. I have had problems w/this area of my life for YEARS!! So, when I do good, I feel good! Which, isn't exactly good, because its going from one extreme to another. But no one said I was perfect!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Since I'm in a Blowfish Mood....

I've been listening to my greatest hits CD. I have always listened to this song in the past, wishing I had someone to think about when I sang to myself in my awesome car singing voice....
I think the birds are singing, and the bee's are buzzing....

(Well, actually, the bee's are drunk and flying into things. This is an actual true fact, the bee's are drunk. They drink fermented flower nectar and that is why they chase you down when it gets cold out, and run into large objects. I am thinking of trying this out, so if you see me shoving flowers in my mouth, and falling down... you will know why. I'm trying out a new high! That, is your lesson of the day!)

All your life you've waited, for love to come and stay

now that I have found you, it must not slip away
I know it's hard believing the words you've heard before
Darling you must trust them please, trust them just once more
Cause baby goodbye doesn't mean forever
let me tell ya goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again
if you wake up and I'm not there, I wont be long away,
because the things you do my goodbye girl, will bring me back to you
I know you've been taken, afraid to hurt again
you fight the love you feel for me, instead of giving in
I can wait forever ohh, helping you to see
that I was meant for you my love, and you were meant for me
Remember goodbye doesn't mean forever
let me tell ya goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again
though we may be so far apart, you still have my heart
so forget your past my goodbye girl, now you're home at last

If I Want to Hear the Pitter Patter of Little Feet.....

"I'll put shoes on my cat"

I have that magnet on my fridge. My own mother bought it for me.

My friend Kat, did just that!

Conley says:
"Pitter Patter"....
"Pitter Patter"....

Only Lonley On the Inside....

I woke up lonley this morning. Funny thing. For someone who enjoys being alone huh?

Of course, I thought of this song:

Hello again, your words they make me smile.
As I drift away in my little room upstairs.
Then I realize I don't even know your name.
If we could share our time, would I disappoint your fantasies?
But I believe that I could be the one you need 'cause I'm...
Only lonley on the inside
And I could start to give apologies
for all the stupid things that I will say and I will do.
If we should ever cross the same place at the same time
would your world skip a beat 'cause it was me?
If we could share our life would I disappoint your memories?
I believe that you could be the one I've needed.
And I'm...
Only lonley on the inside...
If I could give back your hopes, your joys, your treasures,
don't you think that I would change my world?
But there's so many things trying to pull us together.
And even though we're far apart, I can still watch you walk away.
It had been a week since I stayed a night alone. Weird. I think that was the reason I didn't want to start staying with anyone, cus it is so weird when you sleep alone. It felt weird. Not right. Like we broke up. I woke up on the other side of the bed. I was all out of sorts. Late. To top off waking up late, I got behind a truck, putting new lines on the road. Going 5mph. When I'm already running late. Boy, that put me in a fun mood! WG called me though. To tell me that he felt weird too. All the signs are pointing towards my wanting to be w/him all the time. I'm still not ready for the official move-in. I have my mind set on that. Maybe I think it will prevent my getting hurt? You can still get hurt if you don't live together. Maybe I think we wont break up if we are engaged....
we could still break up. I don't know. Maybe its stalling? I really don't know. I know, that if I stick to my guns I will at least know in my own mind and heart that it is real. Have I said lately how great it feels to be in love? I dunno if I have mentioned it. I know, I'm sickening!
That's what matters.
What I think.
I had a successful rabbit date last night. My poor bunny lost a toenail! Boos! No wonder he has been a big fat lumpy grumpy bun!!!! I clipped his nails and cleaned his bum. He is too fat to clean himself. We're working on that. He doesn't eat too much, he just is lazy w/o his wifey. Last night he followed Chelsea Bear around, so he will work off some of his weight.
I started watching another show. Battle of the Network Reality Stars. It is similar to the battle of the stars from years ago. It is funny. It has all the greats on it, from all shows!
I can't wait to watch Big Brother tonight. I like nothing more, than watching people I don't know fight on TV and make asses of themselves! I just do!
Bubba got a little thing we like to call "Payback" on that biznatch from job 2 that was rude to me for using the pisser. Sweet.
I think it might snow tomorrow. Saturday night it was around 100 degrees out. Now, it's freezing. And, it takes some pretty cold weather for ME to say I'm cold!!!!!
'Theres nothing wrong with Ohio...'
'Except the snow and the rain...'
Good song!
Today's Question:
What is the thing of highest value that you have lost?
That'd be my house. Can you say foreclosure?

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Freaks Come Out at Night...

As always, the wknd went too fast! Friday at work I had a run in with the cleaning lady. These assholes, come in every night, at 7. You are in a big room of computers trying to make money by how fast you type. They interrupt us for an hour, sweeping, and sweeping, and cleaning the shitters out. It annoys everyone, not just me!

The lady empties trash and cleans the pots. We have 2 restrooms.
I opened the door and hit this lady cus shes standing right there mopping. I sincerely apologized to the dumb bitch, twice, who sighed loudly, left, and SLAMMED the door!!! As if I had nothing better to do than smack her with the door and enjoy it?

Sorry lady, I gotta piss! We can't get up whenever to do whatever, cus when you dont work you dont get paid! I'm trying to make money! So then, she emptied the trash by me and kept hitting my chair with her trash can! Sorry your life sucks and you are a cleaning lady, but I had to piss! Fuckoff!!!

So, Friday got even weirder. Bubba and her man, met Tayray down at the Beir Haus. I am broke and cannot afford such luxuries. I had to get my hair done Saturday.
We worked til 9, I got home about 11 from WG's house, and at 12, my phone rings.

It's Bubba...

Bubba: "What kind of mood are you in?"
Me: "What?"
Bubba: "What kind of mood are you in?"
Me: "OK.....why?"
Bubba: "Ok, I'll call you back in a minute"

I'm sitting there, w/WG minding my damn business. I said something is wrong with her, she kept asking me the same question.

My doorbell rings.

Me: "Those assholes are outside"
WG: "Is someone here? I don't have any pants on

I went down to the door, and suprise suprise, no one is there! I see Bubba's mans car, parked next to Tayray's. I see those 3 sitting in the car down there. Seeing me, see them. Doing nothing. So, I shut the door, and went back upstairs. My phone rings.

Me: "I'm not answering it, their fucking sitting out there in the car. Hello?"
Bubba: "What kind of mood are you in now?"
Me: "What is going on? Is something wrong?"
Bubba: "I just called to see what kind of mood you were in"
Me: "you are acting really weird I'm gonna let you go"

I turned my phone off...Mind you, she isn't laughing. She is being serious. It was like a freaking teenage horror film! I am starting to really get freaked out now.

I turn it back on, and it rings.

Bubba: "Why did you turn your phone off?"
Me: "Because you guys are acting really weird, what is going on?"
Bubba: "nothing, I just wondered what kind of mood you were in"

I sit down, and continue to watch TV. I told WG:

Me: "It's only midnight, they havn't been at the bar that long, so their not drunk. I think their on drugs, something wacked out! Will you go see what they are doing out there, their scaring me"
WG: "Their your friends I don't know what's going on"

(sidenote, like most things, men only want the good, their his friends too usually, when their fucking crackheads, their MINE!)


Bubba was throwing rocks at my window upstairs! I stick my head out the window, and try to have a conversation from up there.

Me: "what the fuck are you doing?"
Bubba: "throwing rocks at your window"
Me: "what is going on you guys are freaking me out"
Tayray: "Come down here we want to talk to you"
Me: "hell no, you guys are scaring me"

they talk amongst themselves and I can't hear it cus my fan is on.

Me: "Are you guys on drugs? You are harassing me, if you don't stop, I'm going to call the cops"

Bubba and Tayray: laughing "what??"

Finally, I shut my window and ignored them. I really couldn't understand WTF was going on, but they scared the crap out of me. Finally Bubba called and told me that they wanted to ring my bell and run but Tayray wanted to know what kind of mood I was in first, so she called me. I said you guys seriously scared the shit out of me. It was like a scarey movie!

"are you alone in the house?"
"what's your favorite scarey movie?"

My friends are freaks. What can I say?

Saturday Tayray said she really thought I was calling the cops so she didn't turn any lights on at her house!

I got my hair done and then I got caught in a torrential downpour. Had it all styled up and everything. A tornado was near by, but not here. I was at the grocery store. It was really loud. When I was done I joined about 50 people standing in the doorways of the store. Waiting it out. I had shit to do man, time is money. I waited maybe 5 minutes, and decided, I was braving it. Now, the winds and rain were so bad big trees were bending down, flooding, branches blowing, and here I go. I said out loud:

"I'm going for it"

I got a couple, "good for you's"and "good luck's" It took about 1 second until my entire body was drenched. I ran in ankle deep rain. Loaded up the car, got in, and drove to get gas near by. Used the paper towels to dry my hair. I think it was 5 min total until the rain stopped. I am so flipping impatient!!!!

Saturday night WG and me hung w/Tayray and Ahnolde. We had a fire til it rained, then we played pop trivia Trivial Pursuit.

I'm pretty sure I said I wasn't playing games with WG, cus we are both competitive, and had established that we would get into a fight doing so. We didn't get into a fight, but he said that I was 'yammering'. I do not yammer. I did have fun, but I don't like playing games with people like me, because it pissed me off! Games are suppose to be fun, not stressful, it's a game!
I dunno when it'll be that I venture down that road again! We were drinking and playing, so that made it even more fun!

We went back out to the fire, and the men pooped out, as men often do cus they can't hang like we can. Tayray drove us to the Circle K. I needed smokes. And Reese Big Cup. Remember when I don't lose weight this week, I had that. We stayed up and drank and did shots. I talked to my brother, and Tayray threw up in my flower beds. We were off to bed after that. I gave WG a special treat. Cus I was still wide awake!

This is Smart Tayray. With my glasses on. She will give everyone helpful advice. Today's advice is: Don't Mix beer, and alchohol.

One lesson you learn in your early drinking days, is what you can tolerate. Personally, I can't handle liquer, and beer. I get a hangover. Vodka especially.

More Fun with alchohol:

This is me, not letting any wine go to waste! I know how to be frugal! That has to be the grossest thing I ever tasted. Sucking up wine and chemicals off the table! MMM!

Today's Question:

What is the single most bizarre place you've ever had sex?

It will have to be a tie, between the stairs, because that took some freaking skill, and the bathroom stall at work, because of it being work, and anyone couldve caught us having sex when we should've been working. (not current jobs!)

Name That Bunny.....

This is my new baby girl Chelsea. I really don't like her name at all. She is way cuter than a Chelsea. She is miss personality. I am trying to come up with a better name for her.

I was up all night with her last night, she wasnt eating or feeling well. Finally she passed a bronzing bead. She ate my bronzing bead! it was in her poop, and yes I picked at her poop, I am a good mother! She feels great and is back to eating and causing more mischief!

WG got all my pics from my camera. I have some movies too. But most of them are still too big to upload to the net. Have to resize them again. Technology is fun, and yet, also really annoying!

I like Oona. She is the Fairy from Legend. (Classic) And she is a little shit like my Chelsea Bear. I don't even know why I call her Chelsea Bear. It just sounds like it goes together.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Consider Me Considerate...

Because, I am so sweet! At least I make up for not being romantic!!!! I took another test on OKCupid (see below)

I can sum it up much better than they did...in laymens terms:

I won't buy you flowers, or write you love notes. I won't read your mind and do things for you before you need them to be done. I won't give you the remote. I won't give up my TV time altogether, but maybe a little since I AM over half sacrificing. I won't share my stuff cus then I won't have any stuff left for me. I will think about you a whole lot while I am not being romantic and sacrificing. Because I can be thoughtful, I might remember that you needed that toilet paper while your on the shitter, or, that you like when I scratch your back. But I could forget, since I am not THAT thoughtful. And, I'll enjoy being touched, since I am sensual. But I'll also enjoy eating too, cus that is a sense. And I guess I could touch you back, since touch is also a sense, but not if you smell. Because, that footnote should be added--sensual unless you smell.

But, I'm sweet!!! I'm considerate!! I like to have sex. Where is that category? I won't use your bath towel to wipe my toothpaste mouth on!

Is that all that bad? I must not be that bad, cus I do have a boyfriend and he seems to be pretty happy with me. And the sex. But mostly with me! (and the sex)

You scored 59% Sacrificing, 28% Romantic, 69% Thoughtful, and 57% Sensual!
Not romantic, not sensual, and not willing to give up much, but you know how to let your partner know that you care about him/her. Awww, how sweet!

free online datingfree online dating

free online datingfree online dating
Link: The Are You a Considerate Lover Test written by darkrose33 on Ok Cupid

Minimum What?.....

Mimimum wage. I saw a posting at work, that it is now $5.15/hr. Back when I started working at the big bad Bell, I made $4.25/hr. I am pretty sure I worked a heck of a lot harder than most kids these days too! When I was a crew trainer, I think I made $5/hr.
When I was a manager, in the GHETTO, I think I made a whopping $7/hr.
$7/hr to be in charge of people, money, and the store. And I never stole either, man I was good!!
I gave 3 years of my life to the Bell!

I was even CLOSING manager, while working a DAY job here!!! 7:45-4:30, then I worked til 1-2am weeknights, and til 4am weekends. I was putting in about 70-90 hrs a week at this job too! We got our first new computer system and had to re enter all the old info in the new system!!!! I made good money though! Blew it all, but I made it!
This was only like 6 years ago too! I slept in my car on my lunches, and had far too many mini thins pumping thru my blood. I was jazzed up all the time on caffine pills!

Now, you know why I shut the store down sometimes! I was only making 7 bucks an hour! Working like a dog. I was being treated like one in my personal life too.
I was never scheduled more than 1 person, nights, to run an entire store, plus do the mgr stuff. 1 person to run drive thru, and me to make all the freaking food, and cook the food, which took 30-50 minutes depending on what it is!

So next time you pull up to your local Taco Bell, don't be a friggin' dick when they say "I'm sorry, we're out of chicken" or "I'm sorry we're out of beef" Because chances are, they are in the same boat I was. And, they might spit in your food.

Not that I ever did. We did fun things when you were dicks to us. Like, smashing your hard taco!

"Oh, you have an attitude?"
CRUNCH! whoops!

Or, giving you more of what you don't want!

Rude customer: "Last time I was here, I asked for no sour cream, and you put it on there can you please make sure they dont put any on there? It isnt that hard to do!"
Friendly Taco Bell Employee: "Extra sour cream you say?"
squirt squirt

Or, giving you less of what you want more of!

Rude customer: "You don't put enough meat on the tacos, can you please make sure you fill them up with meat? I mean, you charge for the meat, you could at least make sure their not empty and filled with lettuce"
Friendly Taco Bell Employee: "easy on the meat on those tacos"

FYI its ONLY 1/2 oz of meat per taco. and yes, I still remember that!

Or, acting like we care!

Rude customer on the phone: "Yea, I just came through your drive through, and I ordered $50 worth of food and I didnt get 10 tacos."
Friendly Taco Bell Mgr: "Im sorry rude customer, but when did this happen? Oh, 2 hours ago? I have been here for 8 hours, and I don't remember an order that large, let me check for you, do you have your receipt?"
Rude customer on the phone: "no, I didn't get one"
Friendly Taco Bell Mgr: "I'm sorry rude customer, but I checked our system and we didn't have any orders that large at all today"
Rude customer on the phone: "Maybe it was yesterday"
they tend to get rude, and threaten you with 1800 taco bell at this point.
Friendly Taco Bell Mgr: "give me your name and I'll write down your shortage, and the next time you come in we will take care of it for you"

Then, you throw the name in the trash and act like you have no idea what they are talking about when they come in to get the free food they never paid for! They will look like a total ass insisting they are on 'the list'. They'll call the 1800 number regardless, and get free shit.

Or, the people who eat half their food, bring it up cus it was 'wrong' and their 'allergic' to tomatos, yet they ate half the item already. You make them another one, for FREE, (the customer is always right ya know!) and they eat half and find something else wrong with it. This is called, feeding a family on a $1.49 burrito.

Or, the dumbfucks who would come thru and order McDonalds, because NO ONE has EVER done THAT before, ho ho he he it is just friggin' hilarious!

Some people, thought they were slick!

Rude customer: "I know I sat here, and drank my entire pop while I waited in the drive thru, but can you please fill the cup up to the top? You didn't fill it"

Clearly, the rules were, free refills in the DINING ROOM only!!

And, then, you'd get the stupid kids, who would come in and order a WATER only, and go get pop. Like, we are that stinking retarded, that we don't know what you are doing? We use to have a cool mgr when we were youngins, she kicked those assholes out! While we laughed!

Or, my all time favorite, an instance when the police were called. (this happened a lot in the ghetto one, but not for me)

Ex husband comes through drive thru. Asshole ripped my heart out. And has the balls to come to my place of employment!

I put some nasty green sauce on his food.
He brought it back, pissed off. He came inside. I had to go in the back and hide.
He threatened to slash my tires, so I called the police! muh ah ah ah ah ah!
Policemen LOVE the bell!!!!!!!!!! We gave them free shit!

You don't piss off a fast food worker. I think they should be classified as #2 right under post office workers, on a scale of craziness!

I was proud of my job at Taco Bell. In my day, it was the only respectable fast food place to work. Everyone else were dorks! We had the coolest uniforms, the best food, and we were open late! Plus, we got to kick people out we didn't like. In high school, I worked in my own stomping grounds. I even got to dress up like a taco. I got paid for it. Best picture ever. Some day I will post it. I did it for the Indian Maidens tour. They tried to knock me over, they were little bitches! They were probably the reason I started to dislike children.

I would sanitize the drains! I was a model employee!

I also had to wear a blue band aid to cover hickies before. Does that make me a slut?
Even if I ended up marrying the guy who gave them to me?
I never wore the Bullwinkle hat on the front register, I refused!
I did take the kids meal toys from time to time. I stole from work. I admit it!

Those people arent making crap for money, and it is a lot of work to get your stinking orders out the window in 30 seconds when you order enough for an army! I cried many a night after working there. I swore my kids (back then i liked the fuckers) would NEVER work in fast food.

If nothing else, you will have great stories to tell when you get older!

Today a coworker of mine is wearing a shirt that simply says "The Lube" I could not stop laughing. I have a perverted mind, because she said it is an oil place.

2 weeks since my review was due. I have a meeting this morning but it isnt about my review. Who knows when I'll get it. It was suppose to be today! This is the first time I've ever been nervous. Because I have had so much crap going on so far this new year, that I hope it doesnt outshine the good I've done! I just know its going to be mostly things I need to improve on!

The moral of this story is a lot like the fight club. The people who you most depend on daily, make the least amount of money. They are your waiters, waitresses, fast food workers, gas station employees, convenient food store clerks, grocery baggers, bank tellers. They are also the ones who get treated the worst in the world by the public. You should be kinder to people you deal with day to day, because you never know when it will be YOU slinging those tacos!!!!!!!

Today's Question:

Got a work story?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

It's Good to Have Dreams....

I have added a wish list to my profile. Because, I have many wishes in this world.

But, most of them can be purchased, online, for a reasonable price!

My birthday is coming. I will be 30. I will cry my eyes out, and I think that beauty products will make me feel better.

Happy 5 Months of Freedom!!...

And by freedom, I really mean, freedom from unhappiness! 5 months! Time flies when you work 2 jobs. If you don't force yourself to take time now and then, you might miss it! It's been 5 months today since me and TWDSO broke up. You know, at the time I never tought I'd get through it. But then again, I can say that I have been through way worse, and survived! And really, it wasn't that bad. I had honestly had leaving him in the back of my mind for a while, thats why I started to work another job, to save money. It just happened earlier than expected. I was suppose to do it around xmas time, and chickened out!

I am really, truely happy now! Things I have done/learned/accomplished in my 5 months of freedom to remind me why I do not NEED a man:

1)Got my own apt, w/o borrowing money, or going to cash advance, within 2 wks of breaking up with that loser. (had friends help me actually move my stuff, but they do not count as men, even if some are men)

2)Got approved for a mortgage, so now I know I can get a house some day!

3)Pay my own bills

4)I am not in cash advance! (big feat for me!)

5)I have food

6)I can sit around naked all the live long day (to the neighbors: tayray and ahnolde, this should be a warning to not pop over, cus I really do that)

7)I have a garage, that I park my car in! (TWDSO never let me park in HIS garage!)

8)lost a pet, and survived

9)Bought Tivo. It's mine. Forever.

10)Lost 28lbs (yay me!)

11)Still working 2 jobs 8 months now.

12)Got a bonus at the second job!

13)Fixed my own sweeper a couple times(menswork!)

14)Replaced the belt on my sweeper (menswork!)

15)Moved my treadmill downstairs (granted I put some holes in the ceiling and walls but I didnt need a man to do it. menswork!)

16)Bought a washer and a dryer brand spanking new! They're mine, all mine!

17)cleaned my hot water tank out (menswork!)

18)turned the temp down on my hot water tank(menswork!)

19)carried 2 a/c upstairs, and installed them (menswork!)

20)living alone, I have a trash bag that lasts me in the kitchen 2 weeks. TWDSO blamed me
for filling it all the time, cus he had to cart it out.

21)I kill my own bugs (with the exception of the arachnophobia time, when WG killed the giant spider and its billion babies, that was a special circumstance!)

22)I have made several successful trips to cleveland w/o a man. I even drove
3 of those times!

And two things I don't miss....

1)THERE IS LIFE W/O SPORTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2)You really don't need to decorate your house with toys

And lesson learned?

1)Last but certainly not least: I deserve to be happy. And, I am!

Work really sucks at night now. WG isn't there much, and he is quitting. And when he IS there, its only 2 hrs til I go home. Bubba isn't working with me anymore. I think we might work together 2 days a week but she has really odd hours at both jobs now. Last night, I was forced to make new friends. I had no one to talk to, and the computers kept going down on a new job (which sucked) we all had to do. Last night...I made a whopping 29 bucks! That's for 4 hours, you do the math! A good day for me is over $50. An average day is $40. Boringgggg! So i talked to this new guy who sat by me.

I had a computer that hummed all night, and a chair that was flipped forward so I had to hold myself on the chair with my legs all night, or I would slide off of it. This is the honest to God's truth! And I couldn't lean back, or I would fall. The upside? I got a killer 4 hour workout on my quads, and inner thighs! I might just seek that chair out every night, and I could kill someone with my scissor leg hold!!

I finally get my hair done this wknd. Hallelujah! I got some tacky roots going on!!! It's friggin' expensive to get your hair colored. For years, I just did it myself. For 10 bucks in a box. Oh well, I deserve it. I aspire to not mess with my hair weekly, and be a kitchen beautician like my momma is.

Today's Question:

What was the worst experience you've ever had involving alchohol?

This is a though one, cus I like the drink. I have had several bad experiences. I think
But, I spose the worst would be Bubba's 22nd Bday. We got a limo and went to the flats in Cleveland. I recently watched the video. Not pretty.

We drank a bottle of fire water on the way up, and 151. Plus Beer. Then, drinks at the bars. We danced ON the bar. What did me in I believe, and makes me cringe to this day, was the Happy Bowl. Have a Nice Day Cafe. I don't know that its even up there anymore. But they give you a big plastic fish bowl w/a bunch of straws in it. You gotta carry it around like a football cus its big!
I dunno wtf is in it, but supposdly its like kool aid. I remember carrying it around and everyone drinking out of it. I sat with a stranger and was too drunk to move. I ate a man on the street's chili cheese fry, just one. I puked in the alley way. I puked the entire way home. On the video, its me puking. And people taking pics of me puking. And holding their noses. And laughing. HA HA shes dying! how hilarious! My ex husband was the worst one. I kept making myself puke, I couldn't stop.

Those dumbfucks threw out my stuff cus i puked in it. Ex fought w/the limo driver. Kat had to call my brother to come get me at the limo place. (come get me, i dont feeeeeel good!) My ex husband, left me! Stayed with Bubba, and this bitch who use to be my friend and I later found out kissed my husband! He left me to fend for myself! Kat was the only one who cared if I lived! I just wanted to be taken care of!!!
My momma had to take care of me, when I was 23, and married!!!!! I slept w/her, and she says she smelled my puke breath all night! I was sick for days. My entire body was sore, from puking so much! I also don't remember a lot of the night. That was bad!!

Happily, I know my limits. I havnt been sick since my last Bday. And, This bday, will be much, much worse!!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Sweet Dreams....

I dreamt last night, about Sea Lions. I only remember, petting them, and the funny noises they made. This has signifigance to my family, because it was my dad's navy ship. I have something like that as my liscensce plate. My dad's birthday would be in September. I like to think that he was visiting me. I believe in visits through dreams, and I believe I have had several in my own life. The way you tell the difference?

What did you dream about last night? The night before? Before that? Chances are, you have no idea. I had a dream when I was 15, that I remember vividly, like it was yesterday. (FYI that was 14 years ago)

My best friend, Valerie died in a car accident when I was 15. We spent a lot of our time together, we were in the band (not fags!) and stayed with each other all the time. We did everything together. It was her boyfriend's graduation, they were suppose to be picking me up, and they didn't come.

This part is fuzzy, but I remember calling his house and someone told me they were in an accident. My mom called the hospital, who wouldn't tell us anything on the phone. When you are 15 you don't know this is bad news.

My boyfriend at the time was with me, and my mom took us to the hospital. I remember they took my mom in a room, and when she came out, I knew it was bad, by the look on her face. Hardest thing I have ever been through, losing a best friend. And, I have lost grandparents, and my dad. Valerie was almost decapitated. She was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. Her boyfriend had some cuts, scrapes. His sister was in the car, and she was in bad shape, punctured a lung, her face is forever scarred badly.

I didn't know how to deal with this. In middle school, I was a cutter. Back then, they didn't have a name for it, now it seems to be pretty common. I felt so lost and out of control, I did it again, I just cut myself with a carpet cutter. No one understood, that I only wanted to feel physical pain, to hide the emotional pain I was feeling. Because I couldn't handle the thought of life without her. I didn't even understand it. My friend Katie called the ambulance, so that when my mom came home from work, I was in the ambulance. I wasn't trying to kill myself. If I were, I'd have tried slitting my wrists, not cutting my arm all over the top. That was one of the times I went for therapy. LOL!

They played 'More Than Words' by Extreme at her calling hours, because that was her favorite song at the time, and to this day, the song reminds me of her. The dream I had, was shortly after her funeral. I was on the school bus. I didn't ride the bus, nor were we even on the same bus. But she got on and walked up to me.

Me: "Where have you been? I have been looking everywhere for you"
Valerie: "I have been here the whole time"

And that was that. I remember she had on a green (lime green, it was the 90's!) tank top, and a black shirt over it, the shirt was off one shoulder, and she carried her school books. That, my friends, was my first visit from the other side. I will always believe thats what it was.

The way the story ends, is that her boyfriend, called me a lot for moral support. We cried together, talked, reminiced. He stayed at her parents house a lot, to be close to them, and her. He wanted to date me after a while, and I thought it was too weird, and it wasn't right. They dated a couple of years, thats way serious in high school!! He turned on me, and started to hate me, got his skank sister to screw around with my boyfriend of 3 years. (now I am a grown up I realize it takes TWO) And he pranked me every night, and called me fish! ha ha! Sorry bout your luck! As it turns out, he married a skank we went to school with and had a few kids. I think they are now divorced. He was never charged with anything because her parents dropped the charges. He had a T-top camaro (remember them?) and hit a parked semi at high speeds, they went underneath the semi.

I have had some strange feelings lately. I don't want to say I'm psychic, but more in tune with my feelings I suppose.

It's Wednesday which means, we weigh in at work. It is the first day of a new month. Those fuckers are waiting until 3pm. They got my damn scale! So I don't know how much I lost til then! Assholes!!!!! All I know, Is I am almost down another size, I'm in between again. And, I bought normal size underwear (S,M,L) at Victoria's Secret. Applause.....applause!

To add to my pissy mood now, I missed out on morning sex! Cus of my bunnies! grrrrrrrrr!
Today is day #5. To me, this is freaking FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pity me!

Words of Wisdom from my good friend Katie:

Whatever it is that you might die from, is not as bad, as having an MRI. She said it was worse than child birth. which, she also told me not to do. She said she would not do it again for a million bucks. Damn! I'd eat some rank worms for a million bucks, and I don't even like hot dogs!!

I can say this for sure. I will gladly turn 30 before you, any day,,,,,,so long as you keep having the firsts. First kid, first MRI, first mammogram. I did have the first pap test, because my mother took me when I was 14!! But that is it for my firsts! Oh, and the first divorce. But that is definatly it now! I'm done!

A Test of My Morals?..

I am signed up at OK Cupid! because they have fun tests to take. I have been hit on like every girl in the friggin' world who is ever online where men are. You know 'em, they IM you and act interested in something you have in your profile....and in about a minute flat, their all talking about how they want to lick your pussy. (I am using the words they use, I would rather refer to it as a china, cotchie, or a hoo ha) As if that is really how you get a woman to be interested in you, even when their single. I never met someone online, for this very reason!

For instance:

Randomman: "Hi, I see you like music, I like music"
YOU: "Yes, my fave band is suchandsuch"
Randomman: (i think they look up suchandsuch real quick at google) "Ah, I really like that one song"
YOU: "Me too!"
Randomman: "So, do you like to have your pussy licked?"
YOU: block user!

That is no lie, it's about that fast. Once in a while, you'll get the guy who really seems sincere, and you waste about an hour talking, til they bring up the cunnilingus.
Their easy to ignore when they IM you.

But they do also send you msgs to your inbox at the site too. I usually delete them without a second thought. I am after all, hopelessly in love.

Over the wknd, I got one from a guy who says I sound interesting from my profile (smart guy!) and that maybe we could be friends. So, this guy I actually looked up his profile. Because he took the time to send me a msg. that didnt involve sex. And, he wasn't cute.

He has MS and is in a wheelchair. So, now I feel like, if I ignore him like the other people, he will think I only ignored him BECAUSE he is in a wheelchair. I have nothing against making new friends..but I am also not up for getting myself into a situation I can't get out of.

Ignore it?
Let him down gently with an "I'm in love with WG but friends are nice"
"WG is really posessive and he will kill any man I talk to?"
(this is not true, but I figure, it is an easy out for me)

I am leaning toward ignoring it, cus how will he ever know that I even got his msg?

Today's Question:

What is the one non monetary thing you have the highest hope of obtaining in life?

Since I can't say fame and fortune...
A happy marriage that lasts a lifetime, with someone who is my best friend, great in the sack, and loves animals! I don't ask for much!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Bass Felt Gooooood.....

50 Cent was a real experience. My first "Rap" concert! I don't remember everyone who was there, Ciara, Lil John, Young Buck, Mobb Deep, Ludacris, (who didn't seem to be having a lot of fun) 50 Cent....G Unit.. Suprisingly, the only booty shaking on stage was when Ciara was singing. I expected a bunch of big booty hoes shakin' their asses but it was a nice suprise! I went with Tayray, and Bubba.

Bubba said it felt like we were at the MTV awards....It did kinda feel that way! Only I've never been to the MTV awards. First thing I noticed, was, the bass felt pretty damn good. We had seats. Use your imagination. I asked Bubba if she thought so and she shook her head at me. Well, whatever, I thought so!!!

You can tell that we are in the millenium, because when you looked at the crowd, mostly you saw lit up cell phones. Then, when they asked for lighters, they said lighters OR cell phones. It was really funny to see the place lit up with cell phones!! Young Buck and his crew, smoked the ganga on stage. It was a lot like being in the club. Everyone was dancing, having a good time.

Someone asked where all the white folks were at. LOL there was a lot of us there! They also threw a ton of water on everyone, and each other. I'm actually glad that We weren't on the floor. Our seats were good.

Lil' John was the best, he had a really cool mechanical lil john on the stage! And he did a lot of good cuts! When 50 came out, we were so psyched! But, sadly, 50 didn't really do much of anything. He sang all the good cuts, for about 30 seconds. Only a sampling. Then, he would quit, and introduce someone you have never heard of, and they'd sing their whole song. Then, 50 would sing another 30 seconds of another good song! How disappointing!!!! He did a lot of G Units, and so did the crowd. But no clothes off, face down, ass up.....no, I'm off the chain! He just didn't sing the good parts of any songs! He did however, take off his clothes. That man has a body that doesn't quit!!! He threw all his stuff in the audience! Then he took his pants down, but not his boxers, and we were ALL screaming! Got us excited for nothing! I wanted to see the magic stick! The love dr.! All a girl really needs is a lil bit! Comeon!!

We saw a LOT of hoochies up in there! The things people wore could've made its own freaking TV series! I don't know why people wear some of the stuff they wear, when they have no business doing so!!

I said that I felt conspicuous smoking in the arena, later, Tayray asked what conspicuous meant. Gotta love her!

When we got home we stopped at the Circle K (formerly the Dairy Mart for anyone who remembers our drunken walks in the middle of the night to the Dairy Mart) It was about 1am.
There was some boys in the store. I bought myself a Napoleon Dynamite sticker that said girls only like boyfriends with skills. One of the boys asked how old I was. Keep in mind me and Tayray live in a little town, I think the Circle K is the happening place to be!

Boy: "How old are you?"
ME: "Older than You"
(boy looked like a boy!)
Boy's Friend: "Man, you don't ask a girl how old she is"
ME: "That's right, you don't"
Boy's Friend: "I learned that the hard way"
Boy: "What, are you like 22?" (see why I fear getting old?)
ME: "Girls only want boyfriend's who have good skills(holding up my
Napoleon sticker) I'm 29!"

I paid for my purchase, and we went outside to the car. The boys were out there at that point, and we got in the car. Bubba asked the Boy if he wanted a donut. He came and got one.

Boy: "Do you guys live around here?"
Bubba: "I live in {another town}"
Boy: "I work in {same other town}"
Bubba: "Oh yea, what do you do?"
Boy: "I work for my dads landscaping company"
Boy: "Where do you guys live?"
ME: (referring to myself and Tayray) "We live here
we just got back from the 50 cent concert" (probably thinking this makes me sound hip)
Boy: "Oh yea? how was it?"
Tayray: "It was off the chain"
Boy's Friend: "Fuck 50 Cent"
Boy: "Well your only 7 years older than me"
ME: "only?"
we start to drive home cus we are old folks who need our rest!
Boys Friend: (to boy) "7 years? How old are you, 17????"

Busted! LOL! A 17 yr old was spitting his game at us grown women!!!!! It made me feel dirty!
If you think about it, when you are that young, you don't know much of anything. Especially where sex is concerned. And when you are older, you want someone who knows wtf they are doing!! I am not inferring that I had any interest in the younlings. They were jailbait! lol! It was just fun! I guess it is nice to be thought of as being so young. Just makes me miss my youth. HO HUM!

All in all it was a fun night. My next concert will probably be Edwin McCain cus he comes again usually in the winter. Much different crowd there!

I learned how to make movies on my camera. I still cant upload anything cus I have no computer. I stayed up til about 3a.m. (its 3am, I'm awake and my heart is stilld dreaming.....)
I missed WG a lot. I thought about him a lot when I was at the concert, and I thought, why am I sitting here, thinking about him when I am at fiddy cent? Then, I decided, why does it matter why? It has to be a good thing, that I think about him and miss him. I couldnt' stand being around TWDSO and hated going home to him. I just wanted time to my damn self! So, this is an improvement!

It wasn't just me, cus Bubba made a 1/2 trek to see her man when we got home! They got mind control over us...lol. (that, is from Friday)

Today's Question:

Where would you most hate to be peirced?

Ummmm, anywhere below the neck!!!

What is the poorest you've ever been?

Well, it was when I moved out of "Z's" house and out on my own. It wasn't planned but It had to be done, because we would've killed each other one day. I was into 2 cash advances for more than my total paycheck. So I had to get $ from one to pay the other, and then get another for money for bills. I ate ramon noodles for about a year. I vowed I would never be that poor again, and I have yet to let it happen!

Monday, August 15, 2005

My Glowing Personality.....TEST!

This test proved to be pretty accurate for me! Hard to believe considering the questions they asked. But, this describes me, how true!

I am definatly NOT spontaneous. That is probably the one saggitarius trait I do not have! I like to plan things, and not do things on a whim!

ESTJ-The Supervisor
You scored 54% I to E, 68% N to S, 61% F to T, and 26% J to P!
Your type is known as the supervisor, as you are not hesitant to give your stamp of approval on others - or tell them how they are lacking if they are. You are surprised when others don't seem grateful that you have set them straight. Your type also belongs to the larger group called guardians. Experience is what matters to you, not experimentation or conjecture. You often take a lead role in the many groups and organizations you belong to. You worry a great deal about society falling apart, morality degrading, and what the world is coming to. You share your personality type with 10% of the population.
As a romantic partner, you communicate very clearly your strong opinions so your partner always knows where they stand. You are dependable, responsible, and rock solid. You can be rather infexible about giving up any control and insist on keeping a schedule, although you have great energy and enthusiam for planned adventures. You have difficulty seeing other's points of view and your biggest downfall in a relationship is dismissing your partner's feelings as illogical. You feel most appreciated for being trustworthy, efficient, and productive. You wish to be thanked tangibly for the ways you keep your lives on track.
Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)
Your Type Summary: ESTJ

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 54% on I to E

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 90% on N to S

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 83% on F to T

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 17% on J to P
Link: The LONG Scientific Personality Test written by unpretentious2 on Ok Cupid