"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, December 26, 2011


This is how I felt the day after Christmas. Lazy.

Magoo was tired from all the Christmas excitement.

All I wanted was for someone to run with me because I needed motivation. No one wanted to go. And for myself, ater a day off working out, and eating a bunch of crap, I just didn't wanna. And lets not mention all the boxed wine I had partaken in.

Then I remembered, motivation is from within, and I didn't lose 65 lbs by someone making me do it, and so I got my lazy ass out and ran 6 miles, it was a beautiful day.

I couldn't believe the ice skating pond is still inhabited by ducks. It's been unseasonably warm in Ohio.

And the waterways are still flowing freely.

I felt amazing afterwards. So then I took Magoo on a two mile walk to tucker him out again so he was peaceful. (you'd never know he was 5 or 6)I rented Winnie the Pooh, and Judy Moody and the not bummer summer. I donned my Hello Kitty pajamas, and drank chardonnay out of my new wine glasses, and pretended I was 10 again.

Not that I was drinking wine at 10. I'm making up for lost time now.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas Wishes...

I still believe in Santa. To me it is just in the form of the great and powerful universe. (or God, if that's your thing) And it is with us year round.

So, no matter your age, still make your wishes, believe your dreams, and don't settle for anything less than what your true heart desires.

I remember a time like that. When I was a kid. I think most of us can remember being footloose and fancyfree, as children. Before we knew any different than to care what people thought. When your favorite popsicle flavor made your week, not because it was a popular choice, right, or wrong, or because your friends chose it, but because it was what you really wanted.

Time sometimes makes us lose sight of these things.

My goal this year is to be more in tune with my inner self.

I want to appreciate all that I have brought into my life, intentional, or not, because I have learned from each and every choice I have made.

I want my heart to smile, so the rest of me can follow suit. I want my choices to be mine.

Whether this is a ridiculously expensive coffee maker, new shoes...a cell phone you don't think you can afford, a new puppy, or love....I hope everyone gets what they most desire this this year, not because it is right or wrong, because you want it.

"So in your Christmas prayers this year Alfie asked me to ask you to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood, and those that live there too..."

This video from the Muppets Christmas (John Denver) is by far my favorite childhood Christmas story and sums up my post perfectly.

..Alfie the Christmas tree...

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Getting older is better with friends...

There's me, in the plain black top, you know, the one with the drunk eyes.

These are the girls that rung in the big 36 with me, dancing the night away until my hair was completely soaked in sweat, and dripping at the ends. I couldn't have asked for a better night. My drinks were bought for me, (a gay bar is the best ego boost, the men and women both aim to please, and don't care who the hell you dance with!) and we heard "in da club" by fiddy cent...really, it doesn't take much to make my dreams come true!

Our DD got shitfaced, and when we went to eat next door, and she "had to pee" we found her at the bar attached to the deli, dancing with a random stranger. I love my friends. And, the fact that a cab ride home is only 5 bucks from my favorite dancing bar!

When I finally got home at 4am and let my dog out, I fell down my back three steps, and bruised my ass cheek. The only thing I can say is at least it wasn't my tail bone, so I can still sit, and sleep on my left cheek. Running... has been especially painful! I then tucked said DD in safely on my couch after a heartfelt talk that lasted until the wee hours!

What a bitch, all night I danced my ass off in my new high heeled knee high boots, (high heels and boots are new to me) and didn't fall. And I fell barefoot on my back steps.

And since I like to look at the bright side...at least I didn't fall in public, right?

I went back to work today to a desk covered in presents. I love working for VP's, they are so kind! I made out like a bandit, and I can't wait to spend all my gift cards!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Time Marches on...

So, one of the things I had planned to do on my time off was to get my nails done and lunch with friends. Awesome, it feels great to have nails again!

What I didn't plan on doing, was getting a new phone.

I've been quite attached to the blackberry for some time. But, yesterday, against my better judgement, I still ran 4 miles outside, alone, in the cold, after a day of watching red box flix. And as usual I had the blackberry stashed in my sports bra, one, in case I'm injured or abducted, two, until my new mp3 player comes in the mail for my service on the job (heck, yea!!) its my source of music while on said runs.

My blackberry has now died. I sweated one too many times into its delicate parts.

The best part about this is I ordered a new phone online and had it delivered to a store, where my ex bf of over 6 years is still the manager. Enter me, half the size I use to be, partnered with the cutest phone sales man you would ever see, and her best friend. Who, kept laughing at ex bf and telling me he was looking at us. (because you are staring and laughing, I say!)

Said best friend told me to take off my "puffy coat" so he could see what he's missing, and I did, because, lets be honest, every girl wants the ex to see how awesome they are after they break up, right? Even if there isn't a prayer in the world that would make me go back to him. (he was a super nice guy, we just fell out of love)

I had gotten up early, did my make up, and put on a cute outfit with some cute shoes, and I felt like a million bucks.

I spent my hour laughing and flirting with the sales guy (which is a new thing I am trying out) and I had fun! Sales guy asked what we were laughing about, i said "I use to date those we dont speak of yearrrrs ago" and he asked if i wanted him to bring him over to ask a question. Best friend was fighting me on this decision but I said NO!

The best part of this hour, was when he took the blackberry to transfer my contacts...."has this gotten wet recently?" he asked.....I replied "yes, i stick it in my sports bra when i run" and he laughed, shook his head, and took it in the back. Now, that's a good salesman! He didn't drop it in disgust!

Cute sales guy closed our hour long meeting with telling me to come back anytime with questions, and to call first to see if those we dont speak of is working.

The downside of this whole ordeal, is...I now have a droid phone. And a touch screen. And long fingernails. I feel somewhat retarded trying to master texting. And that makes me sad

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Another Year Older...

It's my birthday. I'm 35 again. I think from now on, I'm sticking with 35. And I am taking time off of work the next 5 days.

I came into work, to a cubicle festively Birthday decorated in American Horror Story...I might have a slight obsession problem? And...the best employees!

I'm spending my time off Christmas shopping, getting some outdoor miles in, indulging in Chipotle (with guacamole!!!), drinking wine, taking Mr. Magoo to the dog park, cleaning for my birthday weekend, pampering myself by getting my nails done, drinking wine, lunching with my best friends, having a massage (my first EVER) drinking more wine, checking my work email, and dancing the night away with my girlfriends!

All things to remind me that being single is pretty damned awesome when you have a great group of people to help you through the tough times! And my ladies have had a long road with this girl!

I'll round the weekend out by spending my Monday entirely in my pajamas watching old American Horror Story episodes (in preparation for the FINALE!!!).

And... considering where I spent my last winter vacation (jail) these plans may as well be a trip to the Carribbean! (maybe if I had a sunlamp, that would help the facade...)

The universe even gave me a birthday smile was when I was carded for smokes (this never gets old) and the cashier gave me a weird look I said "it's not Lewinski, if that is what you are gonna say" ((my name is almost exactly like Monica Lewinsky, and is the #1 comment received any time anyone sees my name. I'm writing a book one day...)) "No" he says "I didn't think this was you, you look totally different"

Booya, I got my first post weight loss nod on the old ID. I told him he made my day.

Also, I'll give you reason 567,789,234 not to have kids. I have an entire 5 days dedicated to whatever the hell I wanna do, whenever the hell I wanna do it!

On that note, since it is MY Friday...Cheers to the freakin' weekend, fellow bloggers!!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Cold is for the birds....

After braving the cold and ice the last two days and running, I have been on a mission to find warmth for running, lest I forgoe it altogether, and find myself starting at square one come spring. (my running partner actually bought me snow tires!!... little spikey things for my running shoes to ensure I keep it up thru winter...wish me luck!)

I bought thermals, warm socks, new gloves, an ear warmer, and my friend got me a gaitor that really helps for breathing!

I also recruited a new running partner from bootcamp, so when my usual friend cant come, I have another person! Plus, it makes me feel pretty awesome to run with a beginner, who thinks I make running look easy.

I find nothing easy about running!

Monday, December 05, 2011

I got to meet the great Tom Green...

I get to add Tom Green to the list of people I have stalked and successfully had a photo op with. The list is long.

And, because Magoo is the cutest dog ever, and his pictures with Santa and dog park tuckered him out, I give you "arm rest".

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Lonley Swedish....

I'm going to see Tom Green tonight at Pickwick and Frolick in the big city of Cleveland. Where my two best girlfriends and myself, will sing the bum bum song
the entire way there, and laugh stupidly about various show episodes until we cry, because that is what we do.

This is probably most exciting to only a handful of people, who actually enjoyed his show on MTV. Where he was the original antagonizer of his parents for the cameras. (screw the skateboarding jackass posers who copied it from him)

I wondered if Glen Humplick would be there, but I heard he doesn't leave Canada, eh?

I am wearing my knee high boots (with jeans of course...but I'm still wearing them cus like sexy underwear they make me feel good even if no one else knows I'm wearing them!) and my new top, and freshly coiffed hair!

There will be dancing at the square to close the night. (my favorite gay bar!)

Did I mention enjoying singlehood?

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Miss Self-Sufficient...Keep Your Distance...

I was in dress barn, utilizing my birthday discount (I'll be 35 again soon doncha know..) where I uttered these words to the sales lady in a totally serious manner...

"Yes, I'm looking for a cute holiday top, for pictures with Santa this weekend. So far, I think my dog is either wearing a red sweater, or a reindeer costume." She didn't even bat an eyelash, and we got a super cute top! Black, and sparkly, it'll match whatever we find Magoo!

What's more, Mr. Magoo and I both have hair appointments on Saturday, for said holiday photo. Score!

See, I don't need a romantic interest to be happy. I am a happy person with a tiny obsession with my dog.

Is this normal? Probably not!

I simply won't settle for less than the (as Carrie Bradshaw so eloquently stated) "zsa zsa zu" and until that crosses my path....

I have lots of interests to take up my time, a core to strengthen, 13.1 miles to achieve, muscles to build, and friends, and family to enjoy laughs with!

I have a very blessed existence partly because I can recognize that I do.

Friday, November 25, 2011


So around Halloween, I had a truckton of crap to eat, and I've been sliding ever since. Not just that, but I had decided beforehand I was done losing weight, and starting to maintain, and subsequently gained 10lbs.

I had been slacking, stopped outdoor runs, and went from 15 workouts a week, to 4, plus ate what I wanted so I knew it would happen.

So the last three days I have gotten back out there running. In the cold. With frozen buttcheeks, stingy lungs, tingly fingers, and watery eyes. Numb ears. Sweaty head, and a wind-burned face.

I need to invest in some sort of cold weather running gear, because it certainly has not been comfortable.

What else is not comfortable, is listening to the entire Adele CD on said runs, and spending an hour thinking about your exmanfriend, and wondering WTF is wrong with you?

I think that I may need to invest in hypnosis or something. Because this, is getting sincerely ridiculous.

He ripped out my heart and blamed it on his cat, and a 30 mile drive. And, I still spend hours each day thinking about him? Really?

This is how different men and women are. I went thru his phone, and I'm dead to him......

He cheats on me, dumps me, cheats on me, dumps me, moves some stuff in, decides not to move in, dumps me, loves me and dumps me, and I spend countless hours pining over him.

In my next life, I'm definatly going to marry the love of my life at like, 18 and spend many happy years with him. Because in this life, I sure am sucking at the love thing.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Nice Guys Always Finish Last...

I dunno that I believe in the saying "Nice guys finish last". I also don't believe that when we die we all float into the clouds and meet up with family members, but don't get me started on all of that mess.

I don't know what it is that makes a woman question her own sanity, because a "nice guy" is into her, and she isn't into him. I don't think it has anything to do with being nice. Or, needing drama in one's life. (which, some people do, "hello, my entire 20's.....? anyone?!")

By a woman, I mean me. Yes, I have a nice guy who really likes me a whole lot, and puts a lot of effort into seeing me, and wants to take me out and spend time with me, but I'm just not that into him.

I don't know why. And I don't know that I have to know why? Do I? I'm just not! And I am leaning towards that being enough. I can't explain it. It's just a feeling.

I keep thinking, oh its going to just come along, I'm going to realize that, and he's going to blow my mind some day. I'll realize that he's good for me. But, I don't think I'm the kind of girl who wants to settle for "he's good for you". I mean, I still have all my teeth, my looks, and good health. I think that's the sort of thing you settle for when you are pushing around an oxygen tank, looking for someone to change your diapers.

I think a lot of people are unhappy because they settle. They lie to themselves. They let other people decide what they want. They sell themselves short. Deny what is deep in their hearts. Take what they have, and try to believe its all they want. Or, foolishly believe that by not falling in love, they are not getting hurt.

For me, love may still be in the form of exassholemanfriend, but ultimately I want the kind of love I felt when we were together. I still have no idea if this means him, or if I am holding on to these hopes because I want to feel like that again.

Having had that, makes me want to strive for it that much more. And makes me even less excited to spend time with someone I only like in a friendly way. I know what I want, so why waste my time?

I want the electricity. The butterflies. The passion. The giddieness. The sillyness. The closeness. The feeling that everything will be ok. Feeling like in that persons arms is where you belong, and the feeling of contentment that comes with it, still brings tears to my eyes.

I'm not afraid to put my heart out there. Because despite how much it hurt to fall so far from that high, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, to feel those feelings with someone again. I'm a hopeless romantic.

I think we all can have what we really want. If we just dare to believe, that we can.

*Hello, universe, take the hint, and bring me my future Mr. Me.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Meek...

My laptop died. So I am contemplating making possibly one of the stupidest moves in the universe, and going to Wal Mart on Black Friday at midnight for a new one. I have never, ever....even been near a store on Black Friday.

If you never hear from me again, I was pummeled to death by some horrible woman wearing clothes that don't fit, dragging around 5 screaming children, trying to snatch up my HP laptop deal!

I'm terrified of Wal Mart on a normal day. So I am not sure what I am thinking. I am not mean. I am not aggressive. Those people will chew me up and spit my laptop-less butt out on the sidewalk!

I keep imagining how nice it would be to just go to HH Gregg, and finance a brand spanking new flat screen TV, and laptop 6 months same as cash, and not deal with the Black Friday mess at all.

The latter is sounding more and more exciting.

Are you going to shop on Black Friday?

Wednesday, November 09, 2011


What's new and exciting for the (soon to be) 36 year old single gal?

Well, um, I've got a trash can full of (the giant sized) moscato bottles that I'm not entirely proud of, more like embaressed, and slip 1 or 2 a week into the trash. Because for some reason, I care what the trash man thinks of my clinking bottles.

At this rate, I'll be on hoarders in a year. I'm drinking way more than 1 or 2 (giant sized) bottles of moscato a week.

I got the company suite this weekend for a Lake Erie Monsters game. "But don't you hate sports?" Yes, but I really enjoy sitting in that cushy room enjoying free beverages, and pretending to be better than the other 15 people at the game that night. And maybe....just maybe....getting to see a fight! (Hockey is not a big thing in Cleveland, which is why I always seem to get the tickets to the suite....)

Plus, you won't find the future Mr. You, sitting at home drinking Moscato and passing out by 10pm on a Friday night. You have to get out. See, and be seen! Go home disappointed, like every other person in the world.

I had asked TDH to go with me a few weeks ago, but I have since decided it to make it a girls night, and invited friends. Kind of a douche move, but hey, I sort of enjoy this "male type" behavior. I'll have way more fun anyway. I am wondering what I should tell him if he asks why I changed my mind. I'm not really wondering at all. That's a lie.

The ladies and I are also going to eat at Mongolian BBQ. Another one of the places plagued by memories with exmannfriend, and avoided at all costs whenever making the big trek to Cleveland..now it is going to be reinvented with my awesome girlfriends!

Look at me! Embracing singlehood!

One bottle at a time.......

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Technology has beaten me...

So I got my adorable Ford Fusion almost a month ago. It came with the Microsoft Sync system, which in short allows you to talk to your car. You tell it to make calls, read texts, and play your music using your cell phone.

I have spent every free minute of the past month trying to figure out how to use it. I've come to the conclusion that while it may just be a novelty to talk to your car and make calls, and read/send text messages....I still want to listen to my freaking music stored on my phone.

I have read the manual. And spent countless hours watching you tube how to's on syncing your phone with your car.

The woman that speaks to you, whom they call "Samantha" has become a horror dream voice in my head.

Since when is owning a car something that you need to hire a geek to figure out? I made it as far as to realize that my blackberry only accepts a 4 digit pin number, but the Fusion wants to give me a 6 digit number for my bluetooth. Supposedly there is a workaround, but I'm thinking in 2013 I'll finally go hands-free.

In other news, Mr. Magoo just loves the new car as it comes with a perfect puppy head rest.

And, I may have spent the best $1.97 on this clearance chicken costume for him...even if it was only for one picture.

P.S. he may not be my biological son, but I'm pretty sure he is the only one I'll have, so this makes dressing him up OK.

Friday, November 04, 2011

It's rough being so cute...

We attended a pet party this past weekend at One of a Kind Pets rescue, where I adopted the handsome Mr. Magoo two years ago.

Magoo just loves all things animals, and he makes fast friends wherever he goes. He was once, in this very same dog pen. Sitting all alone, sullen, and scared.

After getting photographed, sniffing butts, wagging tails, play bowing, and peeing on the toy display, he promptly went over to the excited beagle puppies, and laid down next to them, while they very excitedly howled, pawed at, and kissed his sweet little face.

I like to think that in his own little shih-poo way he was saying...."hey guys, just be patient, after being abused in a puppy mill for four years, getting adopted and returned twice, I finally got my furrever home, and you will too".

He's pretty much the love of my life. And, as sad as it may sound, I'm totally ok with it.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

The Art of Letting Go...(which I havn't mastered)

The other day I had PMS. I know, shocking, right?! Especially since between my two botched root canals, and trip to a tooth specialist, two tooth infections, a pooper virus, upper respiratory, and sinus infections, topped off with bronchitis, I've been on three types of antibiotics (along with many other scripts) for roughly two months straight, and have basically been on my monthly the entire time.

This has been just short of awesome! Not completely awesome....just a bit short.

As happy as I am the nights I'm in my pajamas with my tivo remote, wet hair, and a glass of wine, being ever-so thankful to defrost one of my pre-made home-frozen dinners, not having to make dinner for anyone, wipe snotty noses, change any diapers, clean up anyone else's crap, or listen to someone bitch at me for being bored, hungry, unfulfilled, or tired...not doing a damn thing after my second workout of the night so I am presentable to others because the cats and dog don't give a shit either.......sometimes I get lonely.

My mother interprets this as a need to have children. (eh....huh?!!) Especially the part where I've had my period for over a month. Because according to her, I'm not using my vagina for it's intended purpose...child birth. I feel its intended purpose is actually to keep my guts from falling out. But, what do I know?

I enjoy being single for the most part. I don't miss most of the crap I hear my girlfriends dealing with. I mean it really is nice to not feel obligated to do anything. I spend all my free time doing things only I enjoy doing. But then when you are really in love it doesn't feel like an obligation, does it? And you'd happily give up your Friday night red box rental, bottle of Moscato, and rotisserie chicken shared with the dog, for some male-type companionship.

It's been almost a year since the great heart break.

This is the longest I've ever been single. There are times while I'm running (I do my best thinking then) when I am hit in an instant with panic at the thought of being alone.... forrreverrr!!!

(cue doom and gloom music)

This then instills a "woe is me" vision of myself falling drunk down my stairs, and subsequently being licked to death by my cats. (a single cat owning girls' worst nightmare) Or, breaking a leg while trail running, and having my eyes eaten out by foxes!

But then I put it out of my mind. Because I'm a firm believer that since I am an awesome catch, and do not wish to be a spinster, I won't be.


Yes...I DATE. But...I miss being in love. I love, love! I believe in happy endings.

What is it in this moment that I refuse to get past, so that I can move on. Why am I like a cute furry hamster on a wheel, endlessly running, and getting nowhere?

The obvious answer? I am still in love with exmanfriend. Until I put this to rest, I bet I remain alone and closed off. I've been trying so hard to just tuck it away and leave it somewhere, but like a curse it turns up on my doorstep again. I mean, I've moved on from countless relationships in the past without a second thought. Why does this one plague me?

"Oh...Hi, remember me? I'm the curse you can't pawn off, or drink away, you have to deal with me or I'm never leaving you alone!" And in my mind, my curse sticks its tongue out at me too. And makes me eat cookies.

So, GET OVER IT already, right? I've heard this all before. I wish life were so simple.

(if only there was a petfinder for men....unlike dating sites, they would live with real foster families who could vouch for their good and bad habits, and relationship needs...loves to snuggle, hates cats, no small children....)

Sunday, October 30, 2011


Did you have fabulous Halloween festivities?

The angel and her handsome shih-poo. (he just looks scared, he really wasn't)

A drunk angel

All in all a fabulous night with my lady friends. Who all told me I was going to meet my future husband at one of the parties we were attending. Then, when I did actually meet someone, I was whisked off, just like Cinderella from the ball...only instead of my pretty furry shoes, to leave behind, at that point I was wearing my house slippers. The girls made me go to a lame party with some political people and promised to take me back, but that didn't happen.

I was cock blocked by my own best girlfriends. I think being in relationships, has made them forget the importance of socializing for the single girl. I need to find some single people to hang out with!

So instead of a night of passion...I ended the night snuggled up instead, with Magoo in Moms guest room. I guess things could be worse.


Friday, October 28, 2011

The Great Pumpkin...

I spent my Thursday at my friends new fancy old house. Her husband made us a delicious dinner, including but not limited to baked fries that he cut himself and they had like rosemary or something on them. I had a couple, but not many. I wanted to eat them all. They even got me some Moscato! I told her I may be "stopping by" more often. She moved way closer to me. Which is awesome!

While he cooked our dinner for us (she married well) we drank wine and watched part one of the Halloween American Horror Story again. (so, are you watching yet??????) Her big spooky house added to the ambiance! It is very reminicent of the Horror Story home, minus the ghosts. (I hope!)

Then we carved pumpkins. While asking..."when was the last time you remember carving pumpkins?" It had been far longer for her.

I thought, how very "Martha Stewart" I looked in this photo. Although I may dream of folding my fitted sheets like Martha, I am totally no home-keeping (a Martha term) genius!

So then I showed the real me. A knife weilding pumpkin dominator! Actually, she told me to "look attractive", I said "I'm wearing my Goodwill top"...so, I am not so sure that I made that happen here.

My pumpkin is the most unfortunate looking one, with the bad-ass mouth. She kept asking if I was taking it home. I live in the ghetto. Some crackhead would probably try to smoke it. Really, I think she was a bit embarressed to put it outside in her fancy neighborhood. But then, she was the one who wanted to carve one with a penis motiffe.

I think this should be our annual tradition, drinking wine and playing with knives. I mean, what else are the child free to do with their scores of free time, clean houses, and infinite finances? /bragging.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Halloween Extravaganza's...

There's my handsome boy, Mr. Magoo sporting his Halloween t-shirt. He will be wearing this to his rescue party at One of a Kind Pets rescue this Saturday. This is the rescue that saved this precious boy from eminent death. When I ran my 5k this past weekend (with Bronchitis, cough..cough) for the rescue, the girls all remembered him from when they rescued him. I'm pretty excited to take him to the facility so all the people who cared for him before I adopted him, can see what a handsome boy he has become!

Momma's also attending a Halloween extravaganza this weekend, and after years of hating to dress up, I am actually sporting a costume this year!!

I am (as in waking life) going as an Angel! I found the cutest "sexy angel" costume at the Goodwill, and I am somehow going to incorporate Charlie Sheen....so I can be a..."Charile's Angel"...and maybe it wont be so plain.

What are your Halloween plans???

P.S. I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 with my girlfriends at one of the city's oldest (and scariest!) theaters after a few at home cocktails, and the full bar at the venue (vodka, soda's...anyone?) ...my deduction was it was as good as the first two! Except if you had to pee in that ginormous theater... on your own....then it was super scary!

We all noticed, though, that several of the scenes that were shown in the trailer, were not even in the movie. So...we felt ripped off!

Did you see Paranormal Activity? What are your Halloween plans?

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Old Bird...

Friday night, I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 with my lady friends at the local theater, which is 1 screen, and about 100 years old, and has a full bar. Needless to say, we had some cocktails beforehand, a couple at the theater, and pissed ourselves while watching the movie! Did it change our lives like some of the trailers promised? Um, no! But, it was definatly a must see in the trilogy, and a fun night out with my girlfriends!!!!

I spent my Saturday helping one of my best girlfriends scrape wallpaper from her new house, and paint the walls. It was hard work, but I'm excited to see how it all comes together, since probably the next time I am there, she will be moved in, and the rest of the work will be done. (unless I'm enlisted for more help beforehand....)

When I got home, I poured a glass of wine, and started a ginormous pot of chicken noodle soup on the stove, with beans, split peas, beans, whole grain noodles, and a miriad of other vegetables.

I picked out my Saturday night movie, Pumpkin Karver, (a syfy tivo movie) and fed my Mr. Magoodle the dark meat from the leftover rotisserie chicken.

I am enjoying the delicious smell of my house, my comfy pajamas, and a scary movie! I am so happy for fall to have arrived, I really couldn't ask for more!

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Since my most favoritist show in the world Lost went off the air, I've been wandering around aimlessly from show to show, half heartedly watching week after week. Feeling unfulfilled. Wondering if there will ever come another scripted show that peaks my interest.

Finally! It happened!

American Horror Story!

Whose watching? What do you think? What do you love? I watch each episode about 5 times, and they never get old.

Finally, a show that makes me giddy, and spend time talking about at the water cooler!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Little Red Corvette...(or white fusion...)

I have long since been afraid of the trusty Stratus' wonky struts, wobbly wheel, and lack of power steering, and ability to burn thru a set of brakes, and tires like nobodies business! But I was still sad to see her go.

A nice couple wanted to buy her for their daughter on the lot and then the sales guy told her she was on a trip, to the scrap yard.


I said but she's a nice car, someone could fix her up, she shouldn't be thrown away. I've never been so attached to a car before. She served me well.

And then I drove off in my new ride! She's an 09 Ford Fusion, Dad would be proud, Built Ford tough! He tried to sell me a flashy Mazda 3 which I adore the look of but I said no foreign cars for this girl!

The best part is that its super smart and comes with that talk thing where i can talk to her and she does stuff like dial my phone and text, and sirius radio. None of which I have the first clue how to use, but I'm sure a smart boy will happen along and learn me the ropes. Or...I could read the manual.

But! My payment is only $15 more a month, and I can park anywhere I want without worrying about getting back out due to my lack of steering.

And, I am enjoying one of my very last bottles of wine tonight, sick and all....in celebration.

Guess what? My insurance actually went DOWN 150/year on a newer car. Hells. Yea. I knew this was a smart grown up car!

So it works out to be exactly what I have been paying on the old car! score!

Yay. Me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Down with the sickness...

I've been pretty lucky sick-wise since I started eating healthy. Unfortunatly when I thought I had the stress poops, I'd actually caught a roto virus, which I think the name "roto-rooter" came from because it attacks your pooper. I'd literally put food in my mouth, and immediatley the gurgles started, and it came back out. How in the world does that happen? I wish I knew.

I just got over that and now I have bronchitis. I miss work. And I'm craving bad food to eat. Subsequently, a week of no workouts and eating things like, hormel canned chili, macaroni, chipotle, a 2 liter and 3 20oz sodas, and McDonalds, has put 6lbs on me. In. A. Week. Not even, 5 days. All I can say is that I hope that it all comes off when I'm back on the wagon next week.

Mr. Magoo is a great sick buddy, but he can't make me soup, pet my head, or bring me water. And I miss having an official "boyfriend" for those things. Even though TDH has offered several times, we're not at the "you can see me at my worst" stage just yet. Sometimes my independance gets in the way of believing in chivalry.

I also dislike taking it easy. I have a hard time just laying around. I always feel like I should be doing something. And, tomorrow I have a 5k to run. ITS FOR THE ANIMALS! I'm still going to try and run it. It's only 3 miles.

And you get hot chocolate, and S'mores afterwards which at this point, sounds heavenly!

Monday, October 10, 2011


Who would have ever thought I would be motivating people to do anything other than singing to them "forget your troubles c'mon get happy?"

I'm good at being optimistic. And making people laugh. I have that down pat. But my latest endeavor is motivating people with their fitness.

Tonight a girl joined boot camp....because of me. She introduced herself to the class and said she had wanted to make a change, and had been afraid to do it, and about everything she'd tried, and what her goals were....and then she said it...."I was inspired by her story on the web page (pointing at me!!!!!) and so I signed up".

I said "ME?!" Pointing at myself...then I said......"AAAAAWE!!"

It just goes to show that you never know what you may do in life, that inspires other people to do good things. I joined to change my own life, and find "myself" again. I never thought it would ever impact another person.

But every day, I see that it does.

A coworker makes me call her every day to run in the gym with me, because she wanted to run as fast as me when she saw me in the gym one day after noticing how much weight I had lost. Wait....As fast as ME?!

I have been getting a girlfriend who lost her will to be fit, to come on runs with me. She isn't running, but walking fast, and saying how hard it is, while I do high knees next to her, or jog at a fast rate, quite slowly (subsequently looking like a complete and total jackass....) I plow ahead up hills, and jog in place while cheering her up the long, steep, never-ending trails. Saying "you can do it! You have to walk before you run!"

Out of all the hard work I've done to lose all the "elle bee's", and achieve my personal fitness goals... having that girl say that I inspired her to change her life, honestly felt better than all that**. Something I struggled with for so long, and have overcome, has made someone else believe they can do it too!

**(Ok, so mayyybe it didn't feel better than putting on a size 6 for the first time EVER....but it felt pretty damn good just the same!)

Friday, October 07, 2011

Proud Mom...

Mom's of human kids record first steps, or haircuts, or first words.

Mom's of puppy mill rescues, record seemingly simple things. Like...play.

Two years ago, Mr. Magoo didn't know what kisses, pets, baths, brushing, snuggling, eating out of a bowl, or even a treat was, let alone a toy. The first time he started showing playfulness with me was major. Getting him interested in toys, was not so easy.

Chasing, and retrieving a toy is a big step for a dog who lived the better part of his life being moved from cage to cage being forced to "perform".

Mr. Magoo is a shining example of what a wonderful pet an abused dog will make when you give them the patience and love they so need.

And as silly as this video may seem, to me, it's so big. I love that floppy one eyed dog bigger than the moon!

(the cat exhibiting jealousy is Fozzie...with a short cameo of Pickachu on his way to using the pisser)

P.S. If you look closely near the end at his close up, you can see his "elvis" snaggle tooth that he acquired after having 10 teeth pulled. It's pretty adorable.

Monday, October 03, 2011

One, two, oh, about seven or so bottles of wine on the wall..

Firstly, I so deserved a girls night on Saturday. I had a really nice date on Friday with TDH, which kicked off my weekend of drinking and eating things I had broken up with for many months. (subsequently I remembered why we broke up and we wont be getting back together any time soon, I felt like crap and it wasn't the wine *professional wino here*)

I fired my very first employee on Friday. Despite all the trouble she had caused, and her "secretive" plan to get me fired, (yes, a new person) I still felt horrible. I didn't eat for two days, and crapped water non stop. My ass hurt. (TMI? I'm honest....) I couldn't even work out because of nutrition. I'd have likely passed out, or...shit my pants. Neither of which sounds pleasant!

I'm a nice person. And she.....was not. It's a good story but due to my fear of getting canned over social media, I wont blog it. In short, she violated company policy more than once. With warning.

Now, some photos!

Here's some of the cheese, and my stock pot wine bucket. We had 7 bottles of wine between us, two of which were the giant bottles. I also made Paula Deen's crock pot mac and cheese which was so freaking delicious I wanted to hide it away from the girls and finish it off myself! What the hell was I doing in this photo? I don't freaking know......Perhaps it was when one girl broke my easy wine opener, and I realized I then had to use the kind they use in restaurants, which are damn near impossible to operate. Especially drunk.

You can see that I put to good use my last several weeks of work night drinking (due to the aforementioned firing) and used my old wine bottles for vases.

The idea was to bring your favorite wine and try new things. But it turns out we all like Moscato, and Wolf Creek Wineries White Lies. I also got a reisling, and white catawba which some people hadn't tried.

My friend Stephanie gave me this awesome buddha-glass. Yes, I consider myself a Buddhist. I don't know many Christians that would drink wine out of a Jesus glass with a penis straw (left over from a bachelorette party)...it's probably sacreligious or something for both parties and I kinda felt bad once I sobered up.

Obviously by the look on my face, I'd had enough wine to justify this seeming like a great idea. I almost look crazy. In my defense the balls had later sprung a leak and I switched to a regular old silly straw. Does that make it better to consume alcohol out of a religious figure? It seemed that way.

And this is the group shot we used the auto feature on the camera for, and it took us about 15 tries to get a couple good ones. We were all laughing too much and not paying attention. I spent a lot of the night doing walking lunges because I was reminded by seeing the other girls, that I really don't have an ass anymore.

Are women ever really happy?

All in all it was a great night. It felt good to let loose with the ladies, laugh, act silly, drink lots of wine, and learn that yes....there is such a thing as too much cheese. (I never thought it possible!)

I can't wait until the next time!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Because Everyone Loves Wine, and Medals!...

Firstively, I have bestowed the greatest honor upon my largest Buddha statue at home. He gets the sacred honor, of donning my Akron Marathon medal. I know it is safe with him, and I can glance at it whenever I want while I'm watching TV.

I say stupid things to him like "oh, Hi Buddha, how's my medal? Good? Great!" and "Lookin good Buddha!" So, I'm a little weird, but that's what is so endearing about me.

In other news, I have been preparing for my mega wine and cheese girls night blowout at the old homestead. I havn't had a girls night in so long, so why not pair it with the universe's greatest gifts to us...wine, and um...CHEESE! And I will be seeing some girls I havn't seen in ages! Girls....you all know how important this is!

I am so excited to have everyone bring their favorite wines, and favorite cheeses, while I provide my bomb-ass home made macaroni and cheese, and of course....while I do so much enjoy many other wines....the Moscato is my weekly drink. And I feel I owe it some sort of homage in the grand scheme of tasting new wines. I might also include a favorite from my most favorite winery, White Lies.

I have spent countless hours preparing the perfect music list for our perfect girls night. I. Can. Not. Wait!!!

The evening is going to be ended, by tripping the light fantastic (or cutting a rug, if you will) at our favorite local gay bar, where they are a simple $3 cab ride away, play the best music, have the best service, and pour the BEST vodka soda's, combined with most fabulous crowd that lets you enjoy your night without feeling like you are on display. (except for maybe the appreciation of how cute your outfit, or wristlet is!)

The night will end with the late-night viewing of Brides Maides, and the 40 Year Old Virgin.
For the ladies who have had a little too much fun.....the cherry on the cocktail is a sleepover. Where I hope that no one spends the evening puking, because I only have one toilet. Upstairs.

Other than that.......... I'm so psyched!

Girls just wanna have fun!

Monday, September 26, 2011

I wore my Medal all day!...

This is my, "I've been up since 5 am, no poop in two days, boobs smashed, sweat in the contacts all morning, 52 degrees, walking all over the marathon route to meet my relay partners all day so my feet hurt, and then and sweating and sweating some more since I did have more clothes on, and having 4 beers, but look I got a medal so it's all good" look.

How did I do? I ran at a 10.8 mile an hour pace. This is a good outdoor speed for me. I started with the 11:17 pace group, and ended up leaving them after the first mile. I wish I'd have done more miles. Because I felt pretty bad-ass, especially when I smoked people running uphill!

Next, I'm doing a half marathon in November. Who'da thunk? The exciting part about it is that it's at a winery. (mmm wine!) Stomp the Grapes! The very same winery I had my first date with exassholemanfriend at, and a couple subsequent dates with said asshole, and have been avoiding like the plague.

So, in the spirit of being awesome, and moving on with my life, I am going to make a new memory. Maize Valley will go from "where I first met that asshole and had the most amazing first date ever, and then he later ripped out my heart" to "where I ran my first half marathon, and then got drunk off free wine".

The latter sounds way better anyways. Everyone loves free wine!

Friday, September 23, 2011

If You're Gonna Be the Poster Child....

At bootcamp a fellow camper referred to me as "the poster child". This is probably because I've been in the spotlight on the website forever, (I'm kind of a celebrity......) and I'm the only success story in a while.

But mostly it's cus during a step class I grabbed 4 risers, (and a boot camp step class is nothing like your ordinary run of the mill aerobic step class either!!!) and I tried to get everyone else to follow suite. "C'mon guys you can do it!!" No one did it. They all left me hangin.

But, I made it. And while my entire body was wet, and my instructor pointed out at the end that I look like I had jumped in a pool fully dressed.....it mad me choose 4 risers for every step class thereafter, and have the most amazing sense of accomplishment!

I guess if you are going to be a poster child for something, its better to be one for fitness, than say....crack cocaine. Or, depression.

Speaking of success. I recently had my annual physical. The Dr. was so enthusiastically impressed with my weight loss success, that she talked to me for half an hour. Ok, so she was an hour and 20 minutes late for our appointment, but still...whens the last time you got half an hour with your Dr. simply chatting? Hmm.?

She told me I'm at a perfect weight. I told her I want to lose 10 more lbs. because I want to be able to maintain by only working out 5 days a week. Like normal people. (currently you remember, I'm working out an hour and a half, six days a week.....no way I can do this forever) My knees no longer creak. My feet don't ache. My back no longer hurts. My neck doesn't crack 10 times a day. I'm a whole new me!

The best, best, best part, was when she moved me in my chart from "obese" to "average". I thought it was bad-ass to move from morbidly obese to obese a year ago, but now I'm only 4% body fat away from being in the "fitness category". FITNESS and ME in the same sentence!! WHAT?!!!

I kinda wanted to cry. I havn't been "average" since my very early 20's. And I doubt I've ever been deemed "fit".

Hi! I'm Fizzgig, and I'm....AVERAGE!

Well, this average girl is running her first marathon tomorrow. I'm doing the Akron Road Runner Marathon. (in a relay!) And, enjoying beer and pizza afterwards with my awesome running group and relay team that pushes me on outdoor runs every week! Aaaand.... I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be wearing my medal all weekend. I might even sleep in it.

Monday, September 19, 2011

How Communication helps...

Things are still going well with TDH. But it's kinda like he is a friend I like to make out with on occasion.

It's hard telling if I am just comparing the spark I had with exmanfriend to the lack of an instant spark with him. Sometimes I don't like to give things a chance. Sometimes I get so caught up in "meant to be" and forget just living in the moment.

I'm good at that. Mostly because the last time I was in love I got burned. Alive. At the stake. With some added fuel. While the burner pointed and laughed.

TDH is moving alot closer in a couple of weeks. It doesn't seem to excite me, I'm just not that into him I guess?

Where this goes, only time will tell. In the meantime though...I vow to enjoy dating. To stop trying to make everything fit into a perfect little box. Let myself like someone. See where things go. Let loose. If he turns out to be an asshole, not like it's something new to me, right? If it turns into more, bonus! I'm not married. I'm not yet an old haggard cat lady. I'm in the best time of my life, and I just need to go with it.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Off the Sauce...

It occurred to me today, that it would have been my 15 year anniversary with my ex husband, and 20 years together. Why do I care? I don't, it just occurred to me is all. Its been over for 12 years.

It's been 3 days with no wine. And..considering what's been going on at work (turns out I hired someone who has simply done nothing but cause problems) the past few weeks, this is an accomplishment! I had been drinking every day. A whole bottle of wine. A regular bottle? No, the big ones.

I think my liver thanks me, as does my bank account, and certainly, the scale since it's been a few weeks since its moved anywhere. I feel like I wasted that time, and I could have easily been to my 10lb goal by now.

Instead of working out to eat, I have been working out to drink. I have to admit, working out to drink is way more fun. And you can sleep just fine when you've downed a bottle of wine.

On the other hand, I have had a blast clothes shopping. My credit card is on fire. I never enjoyed it before, but when you try things on and you don't hate the way they fit, its hard to put them back on the rack...I also realized that no matter what size you are, they never have your size. I always thought there were only smaller sizes. Now, there are only larger sizes.

My favorite purchase was a size 6 pair of jeans....with...wait for it....a BELT! I don't remember the last time I wore a belt. And I certainly never wore a size 6, that's for sure!

I have still been lunging around the house, trying to fix the derrier, and have seen progress, so if you want a firmer butt, walk-lunge around the house!

I still havn't totally blown off the guy I was seeing because it turns out I'm a chicken shit, and I'm no good at letting people down. I thought he'd just go away if I ignored him but it turns out I'm too awesome to forget. But...I'm working on it.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

It's a Small Drunk World After All..

Tonight I trekked it down to my local Circle K to buy cigarettes, and a nice bottle of Moscato, for my Friday night enjoyment. (Firstly, I'm helping my fancy friend pass out literature at our alma mater football game on Friday, cus she is running for council!) And...when I get home on a Friday night, I need Moscato.

When I hear a loud voice....."You've lost weight since I saw you last" .

I think, who the hell knows me here? This can't be good! I live in a sketchy neighborhood!

I turn to the counter, and I see her.

You remember, how I got a DUI last September. Among maaaany other things I had to go to jail. You don't want to get a DUI in Ohio people. If I am good for nothing else in this world, I should be a shining example to you all. One drink is too many. Even a sip of alchohol, is enough to land you in a heap of trouble in our glorious state. You don't think it is but trust me, I went to jail. I heard everyone's stories! I had the laws shoved down my throat for days.

I don't know many people who follow that no drink and drive rule, but if you got a DUI you'd think the same thing!

So anyway, I turn around, and oh yes, it registers instantly, there behind the counter sporting a red Circle K shirt, is a girl I was in jail with. Jail!!!

I said "OMG, yes, I have, look, I'm here I am buying alchohol"! (laughter)

She told me how she gave up drinking and is now smoking pot. Ok, cus I think that whole under "the influence" also pertains to drugs. We were locked up with a girl who was driving on vicoden, so ummmm.....yea. Good luck with your new found substance there lady!

Hello, universe, I get that you may want to remind me not to drink and drive, but unless people go out within a 10 mile radius because the cab rides cheap, or, if a cute boy drives me *wink*, I am like George Thorogood, and I drink alone. Yea, with nobody else. It's pretty sad actually. I might cry myself to sleep tonight.

Jail girl also happens to live on my street. Talk about a small world after all.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Calling Jane Fonda...

Forrest Gump is an inspiration. Wherever he went, he was running!

I'm doing the "wherever you need to go in the house, you will do walking lunges to get there" experiment.

It is necessary, as currently, my tailbone is floating aimlessly between two jello pads which use to be my tight buns. My pants hold my butt together, and I sort of float in there on an air pad. It's the strangest sensation, to float around in your pants, and it's something I can't explain properly, but it is very troublesome. It's just like sitting on a balance ball all day.

I feel like "what about bob" only instead of baby stepping places, I'm lunging.

If nothing else, I will drink less wine, because lunging for a refill isn't nearly as appealing. I've been running miles, bootcamping, and adding inclines on the treadmill. I have to find something more!

What are your tried and true butt exercises?

It's not merely asthetics, I'm uncomfortable!

Friday, September 02, 2011

Throw out all your rocks, I saw Apollo 18!...

I collect rocks. I read once that having an attraction to rocks has to do with your past lives, and places those rocks may have been with you in another time. Whatever, I pick them up when I go places, and I have a lot. I like the round smooth ones, that stack nicely on a shelf.

I'm afraid of my rocks now. Because I went to see Apollo 18.

Mind you, I had a long standing love affair with the show Lost. That never told me where they were, or why there were polar bears, or what that smoke monster in the woods was. I didn't care. I watched each episode intently, more than once, peicing together how each episode had to do with another one. Looking for clues. Drooling over Dr. Shephard. I love that sort of thing.

Apollo 18 doesn't hand you a plot. Or great cinematography. Or thrills. I mean, it's a couple dudes in a space ship on the moon back in the 70's.

I should insert here, that I hate aliens. They scare me.

Apollo 18 stressed me out, the way that movie "Buried" with Ryan Reynolds stressed me out. A man, buried alive in a coffin w/a lighter, a cell phone, and a government that betrays him. Or the way that "Frozen" did, a few kids stuck on a ski lift for days. Seriously people, these things can happen to you!!

I don't need to be handed a story. I like to make my own deductions. Draw my own conclusions. Try to figure out if its aliens, or a disease. If the government would really send people to the moon to communicate with aliens, knowing they are deadly. I live for the stuff.

So, I spent the movie with hands over mouth. Squealing, swatting my girlfriend, jumping, and having heart palpatations from being startled, and saying "what IS that?" "OH MY GAAAAWD!!!" and "don't go out there!!!"

But if you don't like to get lost in a movie, and would rather say "this is so not real" you will just think this is boring, and stupid, and a movie about home videos on a space ship. You won't be afraid that astronauts have gone to the moon and brought back MOON rocks. Or....are they?

I havn't read a more interesting review of the movie than mine. I'll be awaiting my financial reimbursement, Apollo 18 makers.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Happiness is...

Happiness is...

Buying a tank top with a built in bra, and actually being able to wear it as intended....without a bra, and your boobs don't weigh the top down so all your cleave hangs out!

It's a wonder what you miss your whole life when you carry extra weight around.

Man! I feel like a woman!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Where Work Gets in the Way....

I was pretty sad today, when during workout #2, I see on the 5:00 news that my future husband #3, (Right behind Edwin McCain, and Jason Stathom) Matthew Fox (Jack Shepherd, and Charlie Salenger!!!) was a mere stones throw away from my very own apartment, filming with Tyler Perry in the new movie about a series of James Patterson books I love about Alex Cross! Perry is Alex Cross? ( I always pictured as a sexy Blair Underwood, and in the past was played by Morgan Freeman...really, movie makers? Didn't you read these books??)

This is a sign that I should read the local paper like a real adult.

I could have totally taken vacation. I have a week left with nothing to do, and no promising proposals on the horizon. I could have innocently walked Mr. Magoo down to the cemetary, and peeped some celebrities, if even from afar. I could have walked the same street he walked.

Sure, they also filmed at Stan Hewitt, which I attend once a year in October for the craft fair, and enjoy hot cider, and hot fresh gingerbread cookies. Or on the occasion that a friend gets married there. But, I can't walk there in minutes like I could at the cemetary. Just thinking they were so close, makes me want to cry.

Yes, Clevelanders, most of this is filmed in your city, but nothing ever happens in Akron. This is the biggest thing since that one rock lady opened the vegan restaurant downtown!


I'm just not meant to get married yet. I think he'll wait for me.

But, I swear, if I see the lunatic lady that lives across from me, and wears duct tape on her mouth in the movie, I will just die.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Adele - ''Someone Like You''

Just when you think its safe to listen to sad songs again, and you are over "him" something comes along and knocks you back down....I found this to be such a tear jerker last night on the VMA's, and while it makes me incredibly sad to listen to it, I just can't stop. It speaks to me.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


I had a particularly trying day at work today, being the boss sometimes takes a toll on you. You spend your time taking on everyone else's problems, and its easy to get caught up in what they are thinking and feeling.

Mr. Magoo gave me a lesson in Zen tonight. With all his past struggles in life, he is perfectly content to lay on my couch, totally unaware of what happened to him in the past.

He is living in the moment, safe, and secure, as we all should be.

In this moment, he his healthy, and safe, and loved in his home.

And, so am I.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Call Me Forrest..

Today I ran my first 8 consecutive miles, outside.

I ran. Like, the entire time. I didn't even have to stop.

Almost 3 of those miles were in the rain. My girlfriend told me it would make us feel bad-ass for not quitting, but I just felt wet, and sticky, and my pants got all stretched out from the rain, so I had to keep pulling them up to my boobs like Ed Grimley.

And my butt cheeks were freezing.

And I think my feet were pickled at about mile 5.

The first 6 were fairly easy, which surprised the hell out of me.

The last two I had to push myself to complete. My girlfriend kept telling me "it's only two miles anyone can run two miles, we'll be done in 20 minutes". I wanted to tell her to shut up, but she's one of my oldest friends, and she meant well. And no one offered to carry me on their backs so I had to keep going.

I didn't feel bad-ass per se, but I do feel good for completing it.

Now, laying around on the couch for the rest of the day wont make me feel so bad.

Did I mention that my bathroom is on the second floor? That's a lotta steps for these tired legs to make.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Looks Like We Made It...

I was finally featured on my boot camp's website. I feel official now!!! And having a good "measuring stick" from the start actually makes me feel accomplished!

Here is my testimonial! I lost 61lbs in 20 weeks! A size 14 to a size 6!!!!

Why did you join (Boot Camp)?

Because I had been working out on my own for years, and stopped losing

weight after 45lbs. I stopped pushing myself, and needed motivation.

I was also (which is my favorite phrase from my instructor) "working out just

to eat" I needed structure to what I was putting into my body.

How did you feel your first week?

Awful! I took a lot of hot baths, did a lot of stretching,

and had plenty of ibuprofen! I remember thinking I would throw up

during each class, and I think even my hair was sore!

How has your eating habits changed?

Drastically! I actually enjoy eating healthy, because of the way

it makes me feel. The couple times I splurged, made me feel awful.

You really are what you eat, but if you don't allow your body to

adjust to the healthy food, you never realize that! I have structured

meals and snacks, and feel fulfilled!

What is your favorite exercise?

Jacks. Only because at first, they hurt every part of my body, and

I struggled with just a few sets. Now they continue to be challenging,

but I can do more, and feel the benefit of the cardio more than the

pain of the movements. It's a measuring stick for my fitness.

What advice would you give someone who is thinking

about joining?

Do it! The workouts are great, and it forces you to push yourself

further than you think you can go. You always leave feeling

accomplished! It  has made me feel amazing about my body and what it

can do. It's also a place you can go where you know people understand

your struggle with workouts, and changing your eating habits.

What advice would you give someone new to the


Follow the meal plan religiously, as hard as it is at first,

and after the first month it will become habit. It gets easier

to turn down sweets and  snacks the longer you stick with it.

I never gave anything long enough to work, and trust me, it works!

How would you describe the classes?

The classes are high energy, and fun! Your instructor always

has a new challenge for you to try, and it doesn't get boring like

some classes, its never the same routine.

How has (Boot Camp) Changed your life?

I have turned into someone I never thought I could be. Someone

who makes smart choices about what I eat, and looks forward to work

outs, and calorie burning. I have also started running 5 miles a day

(which even I can't believe), and I'm doing the Akron marathon on

a relay team in September. I never would have began running if

my fitness level wasn't increased with the help of boot camp,

and I certainly never would have thought I'd be doing a marathon.

Friday, August 12, 2011

An Ode to My Vessel..

Happiness is, calculating your height/weight ratio, and the return says "you are 18lbs overweight".

Only 18lbs? Ha! That's nothin! I'm gonna kick your ass 18 lbs! I have 10% more body fat to lose to be in the normal range too. That's a far cry from having to drop 25%!!!

Tonight only two of us showed up to bootcamp. The instructor asked what we wanted to do. I said "lose a pound!" That's not such a great idea, because she really worked us over!

My body is awesome. Not in the "I'm so fine" way, but in the way that it's just an amazing thing!

For so long I told it that it was fat, and lazy, and couldn't do this or that. I changed my thinking, and I said nice things to myself, and little by little, I lived up to my words.

This week, after 20 weeks of the same workout routine, and diet.... my body managed to drop 6lbs!!! I simply started my runs on a slight incline for a longer period of time!

And!.....I am officially doing the Akron marathon, in a relay. It's my first time, so I am taking the second to easiest route, of 3.5 miles. I'm starting the first leg, as my girlfriend thinks this will make me become addicted, and do all the marathons she does.

I'm kinda scared, but the best part is Luigi's pizza afterwords. I miss pizza! And pizza misses me!

I'd like to thank my body, for living up to my expectations, and continuing to surprise me!

I am now at a total weight loss of 61lbs in 20 weeks. (106lbs total since my highest weight....OVER A HUNNNNNDRED POUNDS!!!!). I bought a size 6 dress pants, (SIX) size 8 jeans, and a small top this week. I really can't believe it, because when I look at pictures, I think I still look big. I only realize the change if I look at "fat" pictures. I really never expected to get this far but every time I meet a goal, it seems to come easier, and I set a new one!

Only 10lbs until my second goal is hit. And after that, who knows, I may just be sporting a bikini next summer! (I havn't done that since I was 16!!!) Which is awesome, because I plan to visit my girlfriend in Florida (for the first time) and she is taking me to the pacific ocean. I've never been!!!! I'm sheltered!

I've said it a million times, I feel amazing!

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Puppy Mills are for Assholes...My PSA!

I took Mr. Magoo for a walk this past weekend, and one thing shih-poos (and all short snouted dogs for that matter) are not cut out for, is heat.

My little guy pooped out in the heat and started showing signs of heat exhaustion, plopping down on his side and panting so hard he could barely catch his breath. *panic*

Being the good mommy I am, I rushed him home into a cool bath and air conditioning. Normally my Magoo isn't much a fan of bath time, but here he is chillin like a villian in a cool bath, completely trusting that I know what the hell I am doing!

This picture shows he is miles away from the first five years of his life....that of cage confinement, being forced to "perform" with the ladies, and being treated like a paycheck instead of the amazing little man he is. He was on his way to being shot by the people who used him, because he no longer "performed" as he should.

I wish people would stop buying pet store dogs, and realize the horrific life that the parents of those cute "puppies in the window" are forced to endure. He never knew love, a bath, medical care, brushing, bathing, play, toys, treats, or even real food, which his poor teeth are now paying the price for.

(well, actually, my job is paying the price for those teeth...)

And I gave him his name because he has little a blind right eye. Which when he visited my vet, was found to be blind not by birth, but due to a puncture he suffered as a puppy that was never treated. How cruel.

He is such a sweet dog, and I am so lucky to have rescued him.

Mister Magoodle was adopted several times and returned pre-maturely because he didn't "click" with the new owners after a few days. Puppy mill rescues take more time, understanding, and patience in the beginning, but what you get in return is priceless. I am Mr. Magoo's world. He follows me around just like a baby duck, and looks up to me in a way that warms my heart, and who doesn't want to feel like that?

I will never forget the first time he was rambunctious, and enjoyed a good play session, (playing tag in the hallway) or even the first time taking a treat (BACON!!!) from me, was a lot of work!

I have been on both sides, and having bought a dog at a pet store, that spent 15 years of her life riddled with health problems, made me change my ways. I kind of feel like Magoo is my karma, I am making up for a bad choice...but somehow, I am still the one that wins.

Knowing where he came from and seeing the amazing pet he is now, is all because I gave him a chance. I really feel like he rescued me just as much as I rescued him.

After buying a "used" dog, I'll never go puppy again. But, many rescues are lucky to not only rescue the puppy mill parents, but their babies too. So if you are thinking about a dog, save a life, or at least, buy from a responsible breeder, not the pet store.

What "they" say is true. You will feel amazing about the decision you made!

And visit one of a kind pets. They do amazing rescue work, grooming, and hold at cost shot clinics for your pets, all which benefit the rescue of amazing animals like Magoo!

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Kiss, sort of!

I spent my Friday evening with some friends, and a cute boy, at the river front to see a Kiss tribute band.

One thing I love about living in Akron, is every weekend either at Lock 3 or Riverfront, there is free entertainment, and that means free parking too. It's nice to see my tax dollars hard at work, unlike when I lived in the country, where my tax dollars paid for the unsolicited harassment of innocent people by the podunk police department.

One thing I love about vodka, is that if you have enough before you go see a tribute band, you actually think it's the real deal. For instance, in this photo, I was soooo excited to meet the kitty kat guy in kiss, and I wanted a picture. I couldn't believe I got to meet him!

Obviously, I had enough vodka to make me think this was the kitty kat guy too. I was kinda let down when I looked at my pictures today. Vodka for president!

Sidenote: rock stars are really sweaty. This guy stank. I never washed my Edwin McCain T-shirt he signed, and sweated all over for our photo op either, because to me, Edwin's sweat can cure cancer. (um his new album drops August 30th, you know you want to buy it!)

I learned a few things this night, TDH is really good at taking care of drunk me, for instance when I totally bailed on him to jump on stage for photo ops with the band, without even looking back, I found him sitting in a seat holding my purse. He also held my hand, and saved me from running into traffic to cross the street, when the alcohol made me think the timing was perfect.

Really, I don't ask for much, it's the little things!

Finally, he survived a night with my crazy-fun girlfriends, who felt the need to text me first thing in the morning and apologize for being "assholes". To which he replied "I don't think they were assholes, they were alot of fun".

I think I might go out with him again.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Tooth Hell...

I bet you thought I was dead, and went to tooth hell, right?

I had a root canal. Oh I've heard how everyone thinks they are easy cheesy, but most people are not me, thanks. Two and a half short hours later....it's over. It wasn't pleasant. Of course I'm in sincere pain for days, and taking 2,000 mg of antibiotics. Great first root canal. I sure hope I get to have another!

Mr. Magoodle, the cutest shih-poodle in the world, makes me smile! Who wouldn't want to wake up to this each morning?

Can we snooze some more Mom?

I learned to appreciate little Magoo and his cuteness, after spending a night with TDH and his very jealous black lab.

Who panted, and whined, and shoved his slobbery toy at me the entire time I was at his house. And then, he plopped his big ass in between us, and pushed me to the edge of the bed with his legs. I think I slept for like 2 hours. Like, no manners. Yes, dogs have manners!

I went home and kissed Magoo's sweet, quiet, content little face.

Speaking of animals, I got the best compliment today!

"You're a cat person, and you don't smell....." um....thanks?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

You Might Have a Drinking Problem if...

The first thought in your mind after your third workout of the day is not going home and showering, and relaxing....but instead...."where did I buy wine this week?"

In an effort to not buy from the same place twice, and look like a wine-o-holic.

I think I need to take a week off.

I've also had a rotten work out week. I've been doing it, and challenging myself, but my heart isn't in it at all. What they say is true, the last little bit is a bitch!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Hold On Loosley...

I neglected to update on last weeks weight loss, one because it was only 1lb, and two, I had a date Friday night!

The weight loss:

56lbs, 15lbs to goal! Now, I am faced with the dilemma of not being hungry. Which, I always thought would be a blessing, but working out 3 times a day means you have to feed your body, or it will hold on to weight. My body no longer tells me its hungry at snack times. Apparently, that doesn't matter. Even when my mind doesn't want to think about food, I still have to. Balls!

The date:

I had another fabulous date with TDH this weekend, that began with hanging with friends at a concert, and ended the next day with a late breakfast, including mimosas, and a great conversation! Minds out of the gutter people, I'm a respectable girl! Well, sort of!

The body:

I havn't been this small since I was 14, which also brings with it 14 year old boobs, after having been a double D for years and years. I don't miss them in the sense that they are no longer in the way of everything I do, I can buy adorable bra and panty sets, and super cute tops no longer evade me! I love the size they are now, but I do not love the location they have decided to reside in.

Not a pretty visual. Trust.

I consulted with a plastic surgeon, for advice, and to get an idea of what could be done to salvage what the years of fat have done to me.

The Advice:

A simple lift wont work for me because I have lost so much body fat, I will not be happy with the result. So despite my fear of having implants, it is probably where I will wind up being.

The scars are horrific, but will fade in a year or so. They look like frankenstein. They don't show you that on all those plastic surgery shows! They also don't show you the disgusting drains that hang out your boobs and collect "fluid" after your surgery. Yes, it's a real surgery. It's scary, and it is going to take a lot of thought on my part!

I always said I wanted to be pickled, so this is the first step in the right direction! But just like Bob in "What about Bob", I'm taking baby steps on this whole procedure. I'm terrified of the dentist, let alone having my boobs overhauled!!

Angry Skinny girl:

At work today, I was so jealous of a coworkers lunch of fettucini alfredo with extra cheese on top, breaded chicken strips, and light, and fluffy breaksticks, that I asked to look at her food. And then I actually let these words leave my lips

"mmmmm....mmm...well, enjoy your clogged arteries".

After taking a break, I apologized to her. I swear I need to get my food rage under control, it isn't her fault I can't eat that stuff. What the fuck is wrong with me? This is a regular occurance for me. I am always giving people unsolicited advice on what the crap they eat is doing to them. It's all out of jealousy too. I could really care less if people croak due to their arteries.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Right Stuff...

Wanna know how awesome my job that I can't speak about is? I mentioned how I wished I could see NKOTB today at work, and poof.....I got the upgrade passes to our company suite. I didn't get the tickets for free as they were all given out, but all I have to do is buy some nosebleed seats for 32 bucks, and use our suite passes, then I get to enjoy Donnie Wahlberg shakin, his groove thang a mere stones throw from my eyes in our lower level, stage left loge.

I love my life.

All my teenage girl hormones are on overload!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dating Etiquette...

My third date was a charm, and I had an absolutely amazing evening with a tall, dark, and handsome man that opened doors for me, made me laugh, saved me from falling into a hole in the parking lot, and whose kisses made my heart go pitter patter. Wait, maybe that wasn't my heart?!!

It's been many months since I have been excited about someone, and I'm trying not to let that whole thing your brain does when you first like someone, take over me. But it's hard. I mean, did I mention the kissing? Because I can't stop thinking about it.

We went to dinner, and then to see a band down the road, and ended the night at one of his friends' house (whom I know thru our mutual friends also..) with a fire, where every time we were alone we were kissing and laughing like teenagers. Ahhhh, to be young again! It was so much fun, and he is so easy to be with! We stayed up until 6 am and I think its going to take me a week to recover from it, but it was worth every wink of sleep missed.

And let's not forget that I had my heart ripped out pretty severely, and danced upon repeatedly by exassholemanfriend, only 6 months ago, and only recently stopped thinking about him every day, and started realizing what a total douchebag he is, and how lucky I am that I'm not with him anymore. So I'm not in any great hurry to be coupled up, even though ultimately, its what we both want.

For now, I'm enjoying the giddy feeling inside, and the smile that I can't seem to hide. And I don't owe anyone anything besides myself. And myself says, she doesn't want to date someone else because I personally think its skeevy.

And, we are meeting for lunch this week too. A lunch date. How fun is that? It's funny how things come together when you give yourself the time to get over your past, and work on yourself. I think I like how things are going in all aspects of my life.

So, now, what do I tell this other guy I have a date with next weekend, without being an asshole? I met someone?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Can You Take Classes on Being Smooth...?

Week 16. I got by with a 2lb loss this week, which is a squeaker. I blame it on wine, specifically Moscato....and the beautiful voice it has when it calls to me to drink it during the week.

Anyway, this brings me to an even 55lb loss!

I'm averaging 3.4lbs a week. Respectable. I do however, need to start sacrificing a couple of cardio workouts and putting in more weights and toning, to fix the damage that years of being fat has done to my body. Which doesn't help my self esteem. I look great in clothes, but I don't love me naked just yet.

I'm horribly shy when it comes to boys. I caught that cute security guard turning around to check me out again today after he passed me. How's the girlfriend working out for you? I think he liked my new jeans. If I was the least bit a regular girl, I'd have the balls to ask him that myself. In the great words of that crackhead Whitney Houston.....How will I ever know if he really loves me? I'd try to phone but I'm too shy --can't speak!

I'm paralyzed by his hotness.

This past weekend I hit up chipotle. (in an effort to be a healthy cheater, I skipped the rice, cheese, sour cream, and GUACAMOLE and added extra lettuce, and salsa to my chicken bowl. I would personally suggest just not having chipotle because it wasn't nearly the same....)

While waiting to order, and pick up my food, I felt a cute boy checking me out. I caught his eye and got immediately terrified and looked away. Then, I felt him looking at me, and I told myself not to turn in that direction, act invisible.

Really? How the hell do I plan on ever meeting the future Mr. Me when I have no flirting skills at all? I mean it goes further than just strangers, I was nervous to even call my exassholemanfriend on the actual phone. I had to talk myself into it. What, the fuck is my problem?

With that said, I have a date tomorrow. It's a second date, and if I don't hear wedding bells, its the last with him. I don't have time for these shenanigans. I'm doing these horrible random dates to get use to talking to people, but I don't enjoy it. I have one for next weekend with someone else, and after that I'm on hiatus again.

Until someone excites me. I seem to be accepting dates with people I feel superior to, and don't really like. Why? I'm probably afraid of rejection.

For me to find someone that makes my heart pitter patter, I need to learn to make a first move and talk to boys that I actually like, and have an attraction to.

Universe, give me some go-go gadget mojo! Stat!