"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Ex in Effect....

Friday on my way to the winery I got a call from the ex, CP. Hadn't heard from him in a while and to be honest, half thought he'd relapsed or got thrown in jail. Didn't much care either way. Nice. He asked was I still "seeing that one guy I met when he was in rehab". I said yes, I'm very much in love with him. He asked me when the wedding was. I said, there's no mention of a wedding, but with the natural progression of things being the way they have been, I believe I am going to marry him. (You know, the law of attraction and all...doesn't hurt to "put it out there ...wink)

He pretended to be happy for me. And told me he still has a special friend. I said well good for you. He also told me, that he has decided to save himself for marriage. Cus, he found God in rehab and stuff. Well, yet another reason things never would've worked out for us, if the lies, stealing, cheating, porn addiction, hatred, and drugs didn't do it. Wonder how god feels about porn? I can't imagine the God everyone belives in would think it was that holey. And, ladies....he ain't saving much, ifyaknowhatimean? Can you tell, I'm completely spoiled now? No complaints!

Then, he proceeded to tell me he lost his job, because of one of his felonies. (writing his own prescriptions) But, when he gets another job, he is going to pay me back the money he owes me. I said I wrote that off a long time ago. And, he asked if he had anything at my house still. I said, ah, the real reason for the phone call. I sold whatever you had left at my house. Honestly, he has nothing to my knowledge but a bike, which he isn't getting back. I supported his dumbass even when we were just friends, after the relationship deteriorated. He ain't gettin squat outta me. That ship sailed.

In other "ex" news. Saturday I got up to go to my Momma's and saw that the someone I use to "see" was at my neighbor's house. I may have never mentioned that someone was friends with my friends/neighbors but yea, occasionally he is over there. I opted to wait until they were out back on their 4 wheelers until I left. But when I came back with Momma, and left he was outside. It wasn't the same as seeing an ex boyfriend. I didn't get that gut wrenching feeling, I actually felt nothing. Mom said about someone "he's the one that calls you, he can't stand it, don't let it bother you". That put it into perspective. Not to mention I was on my way to see my very own hottie who I'm just nuts about.

Monday, April 28, 2008

All about panties...

I had a fun weekend, where I ate too much cheese (is there such a thing?) and drank too much wine (huh?) So, all in all, a great weekend! Had a blast at the winery on Friday. It was fun to talk about my guy with new people. It probably gets old listening to me go on and on about him. But, they were happy for my having found a good guy, and a good job. You know, couldn't happen to a nicer person and all. Had a lot of laughs with my girlfriends, and you know, we vowed to do it every month. The things you say when you're drunk.

Saturday went shopping with Mom and got a couple shirts to wear to work for the summertime. I actually bought clothes that fit me in a regular size. What. Ever. My gripe of the century? Why don't they make skirts anymore? Every skirt was a skort. Every one! Unless it was a long mature woman skirt, it had shorts in it. If I wanted to wear two layers of pants, I would. I want to wear a skirt, because it's a skirt. I won't be doing any cartwheels and risking showing the world my panties. C'mon! And, if I wanted to show the world my panties I sure as shit would!

Speaking of panties. I had to rush around and hold my Mom captive while I got ready to go to the city to see my man. Mom did my dishes for me. She's kinda handy that way. She told me I should always take extra panties with me to the man's place. Gotta love Moms. I met my BF at his place, and we went to his Dad's for the family get-together. It wasn't bad at all. Until he told me, that his stepmom found my underwear under his bed after he moved out. Nice. Let's remember I wasn't even allowed to sleep with him when I stayed there, he just had them. I laughed, and felt embaressed, but whatever. Any business that took place was in the basement anyway. He said he didn't care, that he's an adult. But still. Hi, um I believe you have my panties...guess I won't be seein those again.

We had some drinks, and great conversation as usual. I decided we should take all the food we could get when we left. Even poured salsa into a zip lock, which was pretty messy, but a good laugh. On Sunday, we went to Chinatown with his neighbors. I knew I should've taken a camera, because I saw an actual bum with a shopping cart. I am so sheltered where I live, it was kinda scarey being out there among the real projects and ghettos, and scarey folks. If there were bums at my house they at least live in the woods. Yea, Chinatown. Hello Kitty? They have that!

When I left Sunday night I cried almost the whole way home. I dunno what that boy does to me, but it aint right. I feel like I leave part of me behind, and for a while I just let myself cry. It physically hurts. I hate saying goodbye. I mean, I'm Ok on my own, and I don't feel devastated. It just sucks. I wanted to toss him in my trunk and steal him, but first, I'd have to drug him cus he's stronger than me. This is in no way a public declaration of my potentially commiting a crime or anything.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bring Your Kids To Annoy your coworkers day...

It's bring your kid to work day. Whoever invented this retarded idea should be shot. What do they learn? The morning was hectic, trying to get my coffee and there is 8 billion kids screaming in the grill getting amped up on caffine. Luckily most of their day is spent doing some activities downstairs. And what does that teach them? Work is fun? I got to play games all day, and win prizes and stuff my face, and Mom gets PAID to do it! That's like telling little girls their prince will come. I think it's against the law to delude your children that much. But, whatever.

Speaking of work, my boss comes back on Monday. I'm somewhat apprehensive about some changes I think will occur. I don't know what they are, but I have a feeling. You know, how you just know somethings up. I think we are going to merge with her new department in some way. I'm hoping this doesnt take my raise away because I specifically remember my boss telling me how now I wont have to worry about money. I'd be a shame if she turned out to be a liar.

Next week, we are starting to have massages on Thursdays. They are $1 a minute. I would love nothing more than to have a massage. I think pretty soon, I won't have to leave work. Maybe that is the plan. We have the grill, the gym, showers, massages, air conditioning, the internet. All I need is a bed under my desk like George Costanza on Seinfeld, and I'm set. Seriously, why do I pay rent again?

You know what's getting me through today is the fact that I saw my cutie pie last night. Today I proclaimed to my coworker that I'm in love. You know, I tell her that every day so it's nothing new. I just don't remember ever being so happy. I remember making excuses for things I didn't like in a guy. Oh, he is this because....that. Or some other random bullshit. I don't remember liking everything. I use to say, well he's great but he could change this or that. And then I'd get mad when he wouldn't change. Duh! I like him just the way he is. And he likes me the way I am. I like me the way I am, and he likes him the way he is. I think this, is the key to it all. Knowing who you are and what you want.

I just enjoy his presence. I get such an awesome feeling from him, that I would describe as nothing more than his energy. Being next to him feels so incredible. Not to mention he makes me laugh, and last night, I was snorting, and laughing so much I thought I'd pee myself. It makes me crazy that I am so nuts about him, and I don't know what to do with myself. I want to cry, or scream, or hit him. I don't mean in a bad way but its like, how can you have this effect on me? How is that fair? I'm certainly not complaining, but when you are not use to it, you have to wonder what you've been doing your whole life that kept you from it. I'm at that point right now in my self awareness.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Aging Gracefully...

After grossing out the world with my massive blister, I'm sad to report the poor dear met it's demise last night while working out. I doubled up on the bandage and I didn't feel it. But when I put my sandals on and removed the bandage, it was quite, um, wet. Know what's fun about the gym? Encouragement! Had a non creepy old guy say I made jogging look easy. Meanwhile, My head's so wet my pony tail is dripping. But, it made me keep going.

Last week, I found another gray hair. Sure, I bet I have lot's of them floating around my head, but I really don't need to see them. I dye, and hilight my hair. Isn't that enough? It was about 5 inches long on top of my head. Where the last one...or more were found. I don't feel like I'm old enough to be getting gray hairs. Seriously, I still feel like I'm 18, except that I can no longer survive on Nutter Butters and Dr. Pepper without paying the poundage consequence.

So, I bought this thing two weeks ago. I went to another Bath and Body Works party with Kat, you know where you get free stuff and good deals, and have to wait in line forever to get in the store before it opens. I am doing a before and after, to see if this stuff really works. Of course, I will keep you posted. It's guaranteed and if I don't look younger I want my money back to put towards plastic surgery. So far though, I can tell a difference especially in my pores. FYI - I just spelled pores poors, and had to change it.

I have PMS and I can't stop eating. Why must women suffer?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Momma Needs A New Pair of Shoes

I grew this enormous larger-than-quarter-sized blister on my freaking foot. Friday I was working on my fitness at work, and I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. Four miles on the treadmill, 2 on the eliptical (that's good for me, I dislike the eliptical!) and 3 on the stationary bike. I only stayed to do the extra stuff because I was alone by that time, and I was really into Rachel Ray's 30 minute meal.

About halfway through my 4 miles I felt the pinch of an on-coming blister. Friday night it was teeny tiny. Saturday morning I got up at 9am and met Kat at Sand Run for a hike. We aimed for 6 miles, did 5.75. Of course by hike I mean hike, and we weren't hoofing it along on the straight and narrow. There were hills and valleys and steps, and hills, and did I mention, there were some really steep hills? My buns were definately burning! As soon as we started my damn blister hurt, but by the end of it, this was what I had. I drained it twice, and I'm now embracing it as part of me, and trying to protect it. My boyfriend put band aids on it for me, which is only the cutest thing ever. I may have mentioned how no one ever took an interest in caring for me. He told me that was a shame. =-)

I need to invest in some nice walking/running shoes. I'm afraid what might happen tonight when I work out.

I went to Mom's after that and took her grocery shopping. Then went to see my cuter than cute boyfriend. He's almost done re-finishing his bathroom, and it looks really good. He's quite handy, and actually has a good eye for decorating. While he was finishing that stuff up, I mopped his floors. Im thoughtful that way. He had his neighbor/friend and girlfriend over for a cookout, and we BS'd and some more people came later. We did silly things like text each other dirty messages. Which only prolonged the anticipation. Damn. We were up til 5 am. We played 'Never have I ever' which in the process I think I had to mention to myself how my man was a virgin before we met so the stuff I heard didn't eat away at me. Seriously, I thought I did a couple things but damn. He's mine now. I'm sure not gonna let him go. Willingy. Muh ah ah ah.

On Sunday morning that boy cooked us breakfast, turkey bacon, waffels (Ok, I toasted the waffels) and hash browns with cheese. MMMM. He also made us dinner mac and cheese with real cheese and turkey keilbasi! He's a keeper. We didn't do much of anything but lounge around, flirt, laugh, watch movies, and cuddle. Since by Sunday morning, I mean we got up at 9:30 and we probably didnt get to sleep til closer to 6am. Huh? I'm so tired today I can barely think.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


Erin tagged me.

1) Write your own 6 word memoir.

2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you like.

3) Link the person who tagged you in your blog, and the original poster if possible to track across the blogosphere.

4) Tag at least 5 blogs with links.

5) Leave a comment with an invitation to play!

Six words to sum up my life?


Once lost, she finds herself. Happy.

That was hard. Good luck to:

(Tag! You're it!)





Friday, April 18, 2008

Sunshiney Day...

So I scheduled a meeting with the new girl next week, it's the thing where I work, we do it all the time to touch base. And I decided, I should tell my boss what's going on because, he loves when you talk to him, that's HIS thing. He was really excited, that I came to him with my concerns. I let him know how she doesn't listen to what I tell her to do, and she does things wrong. And never writes anything down, and asks the same questions and acts like she gets it. We even called in some of her VP's. Then he wanted to meet with her and me. Then I felt bad, so I told her we're meeting with the big boss, and that she isn't in trouble. Kinda like going to the principals office.

Basically we came to the conclusion that she is a yes person. And told her to stop it, and there is no shame in asking questions. She said she had no concerns, then found out she does. Boss showed training techniques, and had her demonstrate how to use a stapeler, after he explained, and showed how to do it. When it was her turn, she stapeled her finger. Yes. It went all the way in her thumb. And bled. A lot.

I met with my boss after meeting with him and new girl, and told him she wasn't truthful about her abilities with him. And the conclusion is, I have to now come up with daily training for her until she gets the things we do monthly. More work for me. Joy. I also found out the other secretary in the dept that doesn't work for me, is interviewing with another department. Um, yea. Talk about screwed.

In good news, it's freaking Friday, and it's like 70 degrees today. I did 4 miles yesterday at work. I've decided that I need to start working on my fat arms, so I did a lot of weights at home. And today, they are jay e elle elle oh. I gave the dog a bath and didn't do another damn thing, I watched movies. And it felt nice! I have a hard time doing that. I think tonight I'm breaking out the hose and washing my car! It got poo'd on at the mans house. Did you know there are way more birds in the city than in the country?

Thursday, April 17, 2008


I did 4.6 miles in 66 minutes yesterday. Not too shabby. I also lost another pound. Mmmm hmm Tha's right.

Today, I got a pretty sweet gift from my VP that hated me at Christmas and gave me this gift. Not that I don't love all gifts, but I'd have rather had the $5 than the clock. I sound horrible. anyway, they all came back from Puerto Rico today. I thought they were in Aruba. It's all the same to me when I'm stuck at home and working.

I got a really nice leather case with bath stuff in it. I like the case more than the gift, even though I love bath stuff! Still, other people got better things than me, but I'm thankful to get anything. I also got some coasters with a map of Puerto Rico on them. Presents!

In other news, new girl was eating her lunch today, and screamed and ran over to my desk screaming "go look what's in my food!" I didn't want to, but you know what they say about curiosity. I asked her what? She said it's awful. I thought a roach or a mouse. She was eating a salad.....Um, too bad it was a gigantic grasshopper!!!!! She was in tears, she couldn't calm down. I walked her to the grill to tell the head chef, who was embaressed, and refunded her money. I should say here, that we have our own "restaurant" at work, and it was the lunch special today. Special is right. Mmmmm. I told her it could be worse, at least people eat grasshoppers.

So now we have been calling her grasshoppa, and printed her some pictures to hang up. You have to earn your nickname you know, and this one is perfect on many levels. And, talk about a good diet, I don't think I can eat at work for a while. *gag*

I had to leave my adorable boyfriend this morning. Not fun. I hate doing it. I think my job should be to be disgustingly in love. Why not? I told him the weeks I'd be able to vacation. He asked if I thought we'd be able to stand each other for a week. I asked him if he was kidding. Which he was. I said I think after a week, it's going to be hard to be apart. I don't want to think about how that's gonna be. He told me he wanted to walk on the beach and hold my hand. And said if he could have anything it would be that. I mean, could you die? It's super adorable, and makes me want to lock him up even more.

You know your in love when, you get home from a fabulous weekend with your guy, all geared up to watch Big Brother, and Tivo didn't record the whole thing, because 60 minutes ran over. I might have cried before. But, I was on a high.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Winner, Winner!!....

So, How about the Biggest Loser??? I am so excited that Ali won, because she was my favorite. Here she is before, on the left. After, She lost 112 lbs! It's awesome that a woman finally did it, because losing weight is so much easier for men.

I'm going to miss my show, which was my weekly inspiration to work thru when your feet hurt, and you want to give up. Ugh. I'd watch and say, could be worse, I could be getting my ass kicked for 6 hours a day.

I worked out yesterday even though my neck/shoulder/chest hurt and it was hard, and it hurt, but around 8pm I felt better. Like, working out actually helped. It's still a little sore, but oh well.

I had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn 6:30, to be to work early to run some reports before 8am. I wasn't happy. A not-so-fun perk of being the boss is working extra hours for free. I'm thinking, I am going to hit the gym early though, and get out of here earlier. I get to see my guy tonight, and that makes me wanna run around and act a fool. For real. I think being bitten by the love bug, also makes you go a little mental, on top of the mild heartache.

Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm having...chest pains.

All day yesterday I had chest pains. I thought I was dying, but I might get a little of that from my mother (I can see her looking around, who? me?) At first I thought chest cold. Then I thought it feels like I've been puking all day and now I'm sore. Taking a deep breath hurt. Heart attack? Stroke? I was fine for most of the day til my coworker made me go have my blood pressure checked at the infirmary "cus lots of people have heart attacks who dont think they are having them". Which, BTW my blood pressure? 120 over 76. Awesome.

I managed to pinpoint it to a neck injury. The man and I had discussed the possibilities of how I may have hurt it. I can think of a couple ways. If so, totally worth it. Except that it made breathing painful, so I didn't work out. I couldn't sleep. Today it's not so bad, so I'm hitting the gym. I have a deadline you know. Seriously, if I could be hooked up to a machine that moved me, and fed sleeping pills and sleep through a workout, I'd be happy. I really do not enjoy it. I love when I'm done, and I think back on what I have done. But I dread it all day. I try to think myself into loving it.

New girl is pissing me off. I told her a fast way to do a project that had to be done by 10 today and she started at 3 yesterday. It would have taken me 45 minutes. But I have to stop doing things for her and let her feel the pressure. I said when you get to the part where you have to pull in the information for phone numbers and malls, let me know I'll show you how to do it in seconds. So today she asks me how to get the phone numbers in this file with hundreds of stores. I said how did you get the mall information in there? Type it? Yes. She spent hours typing information when I told her to get me and I'd show her how to do it in 5 seconds. So, I showed her how to pull the phone numbers in with a V lookup (we live and breathe with this formula), and she was amazed. "woooooow". I said "that's why I told you to get me, you spent way too much time doing it the other way".

Not to mention, I've showed her how to do it 50 times already. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. I even did step by step instructions with screen shots from the program and arrows pointing numbered steps. Plus I've personally walked her thru it. What......the fuck. I know it's not me.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


Saturday night I was at the mans house. We were snuggled up on the couch watching Blade Runner, in lovebug bliss, and he got up to go to the other room, and I got a text message. It was 2:30am. I thought it was my brother. Nope. It was that someone I use to hook up with before I met my current love. Things were strictly casual with someone. Sometimes before I met my boyfriend in person and we were exchanging texts and emails, someone would message me and I'd get a message from my guy right after. It stopped me from going to see someone. Because, when you have something with so much potential, why waste your time?

When I met my guy in person, it sealed the deal, and that was that. I knew this was something worth pursuing so that was it with someone. He messaged me a couple of times after that, I told someone that I met a guy and that was that. He texted me a couple more times, and by that time I was in love and I told him I was happy and had a boyfriend.

It's been about three months since he's contacted me. I thought on Saturday for a few minutes, that I would respond to his text of "Are you still good.." by saying I'm completely happy and in love. But I decided silence sometimes speaks volumes, and I put my phone back and no sooner, did my boyfriend come into the room with his slippers. For my cold feet. Sometimes you don't need confirmation that you are on the right path, but getting them makes you cuddle up closer to the one you love, and be thankful for what you have rightfully found. *swoon*

He made me yummy breakfast on Sunday, after waking up smiling at each other, which is to me, a feeling you can't put into words. And, bonus? The man is an excellent cook. It should go under the positive side of the list, if I were in fact making a list of his good qualities. Theres not enough paper though, and thats the truth.

Friday, April 11, 2008

I need a Break...

At the gym yesterday, the rack guy was there. I got on the furthest treadmill from him, and turned on Dr. Phil. He was watching it too. I was laughing at the lazy men (that was the topic) and he said "hey we're not all like that". Good for you buddy.

I did 4 miles in 50 minutes. I must say I'm pretty awesome. I'm also pretty freaking exhausted and can't wait for the weekend where I'll not workout at all and love it. Girl at work is complaining she isnt losing weight, dieting, and was talking about hiring a trainer. Mind you, she doesn't work out. I said why dont you try working out before you do that? Three hundred bucks a month for a trainer. Must be nice. And we have a gym at work, that's free. The boxing classes are 8 bucks for 30 minutes. So, I'm not doing it. Wasteful.

I was going to pick up my contacts after working out, but looking in the mirror was a bad idea. the only dry part on my shirt was where my sports bra was, the rest was a sweaty see-thru mess. My head dripping, face red. I was totally hot, and not in a good way. I took a picture of myself on my camera phone. Because I'm stupid like that.

When I got home to mark on my board that I worked out, I noticed I had a double workout for Thursday. I have the days of the week lined up, and at the bottom I wrote "exercise". I "X" the days I workout. The man had written next to my days of the week another line for each day and underneath drew stick figures um, copulating, and wrote at the bottom "sex". I must've laughed for 5 minutes over it, and that's another reason I love him to peices.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Might as Well have Had Wheaties...

First things first. Janet's question is "What's your favorite quote, who said it, and why".

Your mind is your instrument, learn to be its master not its slave. - Dalai Lhama
If you master your mind, you are free from so many things, and it opens up such a world of opportunity!

You don't become what you want, you become what you believe. Im not sure whos it is but Oprah says it a lot. You can want a lot of things but until you believe you will have it, you won't. Believe THAT!

Don't pursue happiness, Create it - My fortune cookie fortune on my computer.

I was late to work today. Oh, it's ok, I'm the boss. And, everyone's in Aruba. Plus, it's really OK cus I had company who is hard to leave, and hard to keep my hands off of. Ahem. I might have mentioned, how I'm in love with this one guy? Yea. Him. Sigh. What the fuck happened to me? I'm not complaining but damn, it still boggles my mind! Last night I made lasagna with ground chicken, and it was pretty tasty. I even managed to have a small portion. We chatted and started to watch a movie and I went to make him a warm delight cake for literally two minutes and he was snoring. So I snuggled up next to him, and enjoyed being with him anyways. I'm pretty sure he had a smile on his face.

This morning the man and I discussed vacation opportunities. Vacation means I have to be in a bathing suit, and that means stepping up the working out business with a quickness. Gulp. It would be super blissful to spend an entire week with him. Plus I havn't had an entire week's vacation in years. If I did, I still worked the second job, and didn't leave for the whole week.

I lost 2 more lbs. Rejoice. 5 down, 5 to go to get back to 50 lost. Then, I need to lose 30 more to be content. But really, I just want to go down 1 more size. I've been staying at the gym each day at work by myself. The girl I was working out with only stays sporadically, and I can't do a "nice jog...wink" on my treadmill at home. And, she is a casual work-er out-er. I'm all about it. I get super sweaty and drippy, and push myself and grunt and stink, and she leisurly walks along at a 2.6. Whatever makes you happy, but I need more. Aaaand the weather this week has been so absolutely beautiful, if I go home I'll likely pull weeds or clean my garage. Which isn't as good a workout. I tell myself I love to workout, but that whole positive thinking yourself into loving things you don't doesn't seem to work on me.

I'm up to 3.6 miles in 50 minutes. I jog an entire mile. Me. Yea. I'll work my way up to 1.5, and so on. This is all at a 4.5-5% incline. I was doing 3 miles in an hour, so I'm gettin there. It's actually pretty sweet, that hardly anyone stays at the gym, so you have privacy. Unless someones checking out your rack.

Anyone know if you can buy a new belt for your treadmill? Because I think the only problem with mine is the belt is cracking and bunching up and falling apart. It's a big gym quality treadmill, and the ones I have been looking at that are comparable are thousands. I ain't got no thousands! I aint got no hundreds either, I was gonna put one in layaway.

P.S. Anyone as happy as I am that James was kicked off Big Brother? Effin hated that dude!!

Monday, April 07, 2008

A Rack is for guns..

So, I'm at the gym at work mind you. And theres only two other people in there, when along comes this old guy I'd never seen. Remember, there's 2,000 people at my job. I'm watching my Dr. Phil, rounding out mile number two, at a steady pace, which is at 4.3, 4% incline, an upgrade from a 4.1. I can manage to jog for 15-20 minutes straight now, when I use to do intervals of five minutes.

Old guy gets on the eliptical next to me, and keeps looking over at me. I'm minding my business watching my TV show, concentrating on my smokers deep breathing. He told me "you have a nice jog" I said "what?". He said it again, and I said, "oh, thank you". And went about my business.

The more I thought about it, I think he was checking out my rack. Not that it goes anywhere cus I do wear a sports bra under my tshirt. Freaking perv. So I stopped at 3.5 miles and did another 3 on the stationary bike. Fucked up my routine!

I also heard today, that someone teaches boxing at work in one of the conference rooms and it is my personal mission to find out the details tomorrow. All I have to say about that is...Momma said knock you out......let that old fart check out my rack again. Pla-dow!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

The One Where I'm Smitten..Still..

This weekend, I think I managed to fall even more in love with my boyfriend. I know, right? Saturday I ran my Momma to a few stores, and had to lug some heavy stuff around, which was just fabulous. It's nice having my Mommy here. I told her we need to stop running all over the place so we can enjoy time at her house. Plus, I'm anxious to work in her yard. I love that sorta thing. I'm gonna give her some of my perennials when they start coming up. I'm a garden geek. So what.

I went to see my guy later that night. He had a couple friends over, and we were enjoying some drinks. Beer, and tequila. Not a good mix when you don't eat. I wound up blowing chunks in the crapper, not at all sexy. He came to check on me but he said I wouldn't let him in. I don't remember not letting him in, but who wants their guy to see them doing that anyway? Did you catch that he tried checking on me? Ok, I'm so not use to being treated like I matter.

I woke up Sunday in a nice way, wink wink. But later I felt horrible. I had a hella hangover and tried to eat but threw it back up. I was super nauseus and my head was pounding. He put his slippers on my feet, tucked me in on his couch, kissed my head, and went to the store to get some stuff to make me feel better. *swoon* He got me coca cola syrup, which was pretty gross, but it did settle my stomach. And push pops, ice cream, and ibuprofin. All of which worked like a charm, and he didn't make me feel like a burdon at all.

We went to dinner at his dad's house, he cooked out. It was sunny and warm today, which was awesome, spring is in the air! When we got back to his place, there was a desk out on the curb, and we successfully had our first trash picking experience together. He needed a desk, and we lugged it up to his apartment.

You know, I have never in my life had a man give two shits if I felt horrible, let alone take the time to try to make me feel better. Some things overheard in my past. "sure, I had an affair, and you are dying inside, but can we go to that party now?" "Yea, I'm cheating on you, but you're the whore". "Neither one of us is getting out of here alive". "You make more money than me, so you can support me while I sell cans to make enough money for drugs". Yea, I sure knew how to pick them. It's really funny the things that happen in your life that at the time your like, why me? I always knew there was a reason for it. It just sucks that you have to go through it.

And now, its made me appreciate a good guy. It's sad when you are a good person and you're taken advantage of for it. And I think that what happened here, is that two such people have found each other. I'm thankful every day that I met him. Now, if I could just find some time to work on making the perfect closet to lock him in, my life would be complete.

Thursday, April 03, 2008


My spirits were lifted yesterday the moment I arrived at the eye Dr., and they blasted me with air in the eye. Three times in the left eye because "you jumped too soon". If that is what it feels like for a dog to have air in their face, we are all horrible people for doing it to them. When I got to work today, coworker asked if I got colored contacts, because my eyes were so green. I have worn my glasses for several months now, as I've been out of contacts. I hate wearing glasses. They fog up, and get dirty, and spotted, and scratched! And it's hard to kiss with glasses on.

I got to see my guy last night. It felt fantastic! Not fantastic? His car broke down. This will mark the third time he's had to call triple A to get him going from my house. I told him, he should just get over it, and stay with me forever. I mean clearly, this is what the universe is telling him, right? Or, that he deserves a new car. Or, that he should stay with me forever. I even offered to buy him meat and cook it for him.

Despite that, we had a nice conversation, which I always love to do with him because he gets me all excited about things. Not those things. Well yea, those things too! Wink, wink. I broke a nail while engaging in extra curricular activities with this guy, that's serious business! But really, we talked about what he wants to do with his future, and how things are starting to change for him. And, about how you just know things are right with someone. Which, I've said before, I always believed was crap until here I am feeling that. I hate getting up and leaving him in the morning. I dont want my time with him to end, and it's so hard to do. *sigh* I'm in looooove. I don't ever want to forget what this feels like.

And, I lost 3 of 10lbs I gained back. Progress.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Even the Sun has to set...

I'm having the kind of day you want to stay in bed and cry, and forget about the world. You know what I mean, everyone's had them. Like, every bad thought or feeling comes at you all at once in an avalanche of emotion. I don't even have PMS. I can't think it away cus it'll all just come back. The best thing to do is feel it. As much as I hate it.

I do want to move. But, what is the rush? I want to be happy in a new place. I want to be able to go outside at 2 am in my pajamas and say "I'm happy here". I've even found a couple condos I actually like, close to work, that may be affordable. Why can't I buy something for what I'll pay in rent? The fee's are very low where I'm looking. I think there is an underlying fear that I'm going to lose my relationship if I don't move SOON. I don't like to acknowledge that, but I still have stinkin' thinkin. I need to continue living my life as I always have. I have no reason not to.

In other news, who's watching Big Brother? James and Chelsea are made for each other. They both have bad tempers when they dont get their way. Did they not watch the show? It's all about stabbing each other in the back to win. I mean, last season Dick did it so much, that's the reason he won. James going off last night was classic. Poor baby, it's called Karma. And ladies, did you note his package in his tighty whiteys? My friend said on the showtime special, it's swingin in the wind. I knew there was a reason Chelsea liked him, it sure aint his pretty face.

Tivo stopped recording Big Brother, because it went from Big Brother Til Death Do Us Part, to Big Brother 9. Why the hell would you change the name of a show, in the age of technology. I've since fixed it, but I missed an episode!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Schmapril...

March didn't go out like a lamb, it came in like a lion though. It's April and now it's hot. To me anyway. I woke up at 2 am sweating this morning. And my heat is off in the bedroom.

Today's 8 years that my Dad's been gone. Not a very fun April Fool's day. I'm not in a good or bad mood, I'm just sorta bleh. Losing parents surely is the pits. I'm gonna go to the cemetary after work. It's actually a nice day.

I can tell you I feel more tired now than when I worked two jobs. I miss taking caffine pills. How long you figure it takes to wean off those things? Gah!! I've tried some herbal alternatives, and they certainly do suck! I'm use to artificial energy. Dammit.

I worked out last night, for an hour and a half. Not exciting. And grocery shopped, and spent hours preparing food so I didn't have to do it every freaking day. Guess what? It still takes forever to prepare my food for a day at work. Gawd! I should move to a shack so I can afford a maid.

That'd be dumb. I'm trying to stay within my same means of living. Really, I make about the same as working two jobs, just a little more. Only, I work one. So, I'm not rich. I have more time, but not more money. Finding a place to move isn't proving to be easy at all. Unless I buy something. But thats a whole other ballgame.