"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Food Addiction....

I talk alot about working out, and staying on track with workouts, and how I am able to stay committed to this aspect of weight loss, which is a struggle for me in itself....but I guess I don't touch much on the subject of food and what a huge role it plays for me in everyday life.

Food is a huge issue for me. You don't get to be over 250 lbs because you are lazy, and don't like to work out. It happens because of what you put into your body, and how much.

I am a food addict. Like any addiction, it is a day to day struggle. And it never goes away. Never!

In high school I managed my weight by throwing up my food. I ate whatever I wanted in huge amounts, and spent most of my time barfing. It's a horrible cycle, and it makes you feel disgusting. You lose control for those few moments of your own mind and body... and eat so much that you have to vomit to even feel functional again.

As a healthy adult, I limit what I keep in my home. I know my triggers. Carbs, sugar, and snack foods. I can only keep fresh foods at home.

I have the urge to over eat every day, and I still do from time to time, but now, I don't throw it up. Instead, I let myself sit with the discomfort of overeating so I will remember how horrible it feels. I know that I have to put in extra time at the gym to make up for it, and cut back calories until it is a healthy balance. Sometimes it takes 2 weeks to make up for all those extra calories, and it is soooo not worth it!!

No one is making me eat healthy. It is my choice. If I ate what my mind told me I wanted, I would have a body that I am not happy in.

Feeling good in my skin, and having more energy is more important to me than indulging every day in whatever my mind tells me that I want. I am in control of what I put into my body. My body is not in control of me!!!!

With that said...I have my moments. I indulge. I have things I know I shouldn't. I am not perfect. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about what I want to eat on cheat days.(which I try to limit to twice a month, every pay day... sometimes more, let's be honest...but as a rule, it is twice a month).

The only failure is not getting back on track! One bad day does not define your weight loss journey!!

I dropped 45lbs just by becoming active. But that can only get you so far. After a while, you are working out to eat. You are maintaining a weight, but it may not be your goal, something has to give!

So, I went to a "clean" diet, upped my workouts, and added in running...I ate nothing processed, and dropped another 65lbs. I remember being amazed the weeks I dropped 6lbs....it seemed so easy, after a lifetime of struggle! Starving, over-working out, diets, only to fail, and put on more weight than I'd lost.

I've been on "maintenance" for about a year. Breakfast is my biggest meal, meaning I have my carbs...an english muffin, or sometimes a bagel with my eggs and spinich. (when I have a bagel angels sing!!)

You don't just lose weight, and then go back to your old lifestyle. It is work. Every day. Keeping up with workouts to balance out the food intake. It's hard. If it were magic, we would all have hot bodies!! Struggle is not even the best word, I like to think of it as torture. But I don't convey that very often.

The bottom line...

Weight loss isn't easy. Eating healthy, is not easy. I think we all have a misconception that we will wake up one day and "get it" and be cured. The only thing you "get" is your goal. Keep your mind on that, and you will get there!

I don't think enough people are honest about what it takes to lose weight. I have never had a day where I woke up and decided that having 1200 calories was the best idea in the world. Or that I couldn't wait to go running, lift weights, or sometimes do two hour workouts.

So, if you are struggling with losing weight, I hear you! I have been doing it forever! I may have gotten the weight off, but I am still at war with my mind each and every day about what I need to do physically, and what I have to put into my body. Just remember, there are millions of other people in the world that would love to eat a box of ho-ho's or an entire pizza....but we choose not to.

You are not alone!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Vay Cay Shun!!

Hello sweet cabin-y bliss!

I had hoped to make it to the beach to see my sister before the weather turned, but finances have not made that possible. I could go late fall, but who wants to visit the beach in late fall?

I have long been trying to get friends together to do a girls weekend in a cabin in Amish country......but since I am but one of two single girls I hang out with....it's hard to do.  

So, I decided to book a vacation, and get a back up. Meaning. My Mother.  So I won't have wild nights drinking wine and talking about boys with my friends? I'll just do it with my Momma. She's just as fun, and a definate weekend date!

Plus it'll be a great memory for us to share!

I booked a scaled down version of my favorite cabin in amish country. Only 2 bedrooms, but just as amazing.
Bedroom 1

Bedroom 2

Aside from the amazing wineries, massive craft shops, and Amish restaurants,  we will have games, and our scarey movies to watch in the woods, in the dark, via fireplace light....something we both enjoy!! And needing alone time will force me to still go out on runs on the hiking trails!

Only 108 days until my official vacation. I went over a year without any time away from home....so this is going to be awesome!! So what I won't be spending it with girlfriends, or the future Mr. Me? I'm still going away!

Where we will watch our scarey movies, with our hot chocolate!

Where we will cook our foods!

Mr. Magoo has a great in-house petsitter lined up as well. It's a win-win.

Friday, August 24, 2012

A Non-Conventional Family Album...

I am the girl at the office that whenever she is faced with pictures of someones baby, swiftly whips out photos of her own family....meaning, the furkids. I may not have given birth to them (thank gawd, that process terrifies me) But I still love them to pieces, and worry about them much like Mother's of human kids do.

So, I am sharing pictures of the whole family in one single post! 

You know Mr. Magoo...aka "Goodlebug". My shih-poo puppy mill rescue that has turned me into an anti-puppy mill machine with his adorable face, and sweet nature. Who could ever neglect a dog with a face like this?

Tai Ming. aka "tyrone biggins". She is my oldest cat at 15 years. She was an accident with the breeder, and is a burmese/himalayan mix that should have never been. She was raised with a monkey that carried her around like a baby. True story!! (supposedly tai ming means the monkey but I trusted a coworker at my first real job so that may be a lie....it was way before google) She is beautiful, and loves to talk!

Fizzgig. aka "giggenstein". She is 13. (My favorite cat...shhhh...!!!) My doll faced persian. She is named after the identical creature in one of my favorite movies...Jim Henson's "The Dark Crystal" (pictured below). I just love this cat, and she is the sweetest, most docile creature in the universe! She is the mother of my next two kitties.

Doesn't the cat Fizzgig look just like me? Yes...the answer is yes...

Pickachu. Aka "Peekums". Son of Fizzgig. He's 12. He is named after that horrid pokemon creature, because he was the tiniest kitten with akward giant ears....just like the character. He is also a doll faced persian mixed with a random cat that his mother ripped out a screen in our home to go bang before she was even spayed. The only boy cat in the clan. Probably the sweetest cat known to man besides his Momma.  He is the resident caretaker in the group, and an excellent snuggler! I love that face!

Fozzie. Aka "Fozzie Bear". She is also 12, and daughter of Fizzgig. She also has the "bastard" lineage of her brother. This cat was the first to come out of the womb (I saw the magic happen!) and grew twice the size of the other kittens by the first trip to the vet. He actually asked me if she was from the same litter she was so ginormous!  I carried this cat around everywhere from birth, and now she is annoyingly sweet, but oh so needy! If there is a hand to be seen, she is forcing her face into it to be petted!

I love these little critters like nothing else, and while I understand peoples love of their children, I find it few and far between that anyone understands that I am just not cut out for motherhood, and that these little creatures need love just as much as human babies do. 

I understand my shortcomings, and I am doing the world a far greater justice by taking care of animals than I would be by having babies. 

Everyone has a purpose on this earth, and I am certain I found mine. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Where I Sound Old...

I saw this new addition to my local Walgreen's parking lot today....

Honestly, I never imagined something like this would be a reality in my lifetime. Sure, we got the internet, found a way to fool the aging process, and have hybrid cars, but what's next

Personally, I'm hoping it will be one of those machines on the Jetson's, that Judy and Jane went through that  dressed them, and coiffed their perfect hairdo's in seconds!! A reason to sleep in an extra hour? Yes please!!

One can dream. 

What are YOU hoping will be invented in your lifetime???

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Traditions...The Secret to Happily Ever After...

Recently, a coworker told me that at her wedding rehearsal they told her to sit it out, and let the rest of the wedding party go through the motions. It's bad luck to practice your wedding.

What???!! This was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. Everyone practices...right?

I made it my mission to ask every happily married person if they had a wedding rehearsal.

This past weekend alone, I had the prime opportunity, at my Aunt and Uncles 50th anniversary party.

I asked 7 couples married from 30-50 years, if they had a rehearsal.

They either did not have a rehearsal, or eloped. 

On the other hand, everyone I know is divorced, or still newly married.

I want to know as many peoples experiences as I can....are you happily married? Did you rehearse? Are you divorced? We may be on to something here....

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Racing for Alcohol...

Thus far, I have prided myself on running races for a cause. Stuff that makes me want to do well, because I believe in the cause.

I guess I believe in alcohol??!!

This weekend, I am doing my first "fun 5k", where I'm not concerned with my finish time. I'm doing it with one of my girlfriends who is new to running, and a fellow relay partner on the Akron Marathon.

 I sucked her into it by telling her it is a fun race and we can go slow. When really, I will eventually run ahead of her, only to wait for her at the finish and embaress her by cheering her on! (which she will hate, but secretly love!)

We are probably still running for something  important. (I guess this organization does do good things, but I am not 100% sure what it does, other than benefit my city, so...shout out to the A-K-Rowdy!!)

A 5k followed by a pub crawl....

I'm all about it, two of my favorite things in one event. You can't ask for much more.

My only quandary  is, going out to several bars for fun and drinks and merriment after running 3.1 miles, and being a hot mess!!

Yes...running over 3.1 miles may be my daily routine...but I still sweat profusely! Hell, I am sweating within the first minute of a run. And let's not re-live how I have to use 3 types of expensive deoderant because of my sweaty pit problem!

I wonder what the etiquette is on such an occasion? Will everyone be wearing their disgusting race clothes? Will we care?

I suppose after the first stop, and having a martini or 3, I probably won't care anymore what I look like... but inquiring minds wanna know!

Have you ever done a race followed by a pub crawl?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dog's Eye View

After my run in the rain on my last race, my phone has a mind of its own. Mostly, it takes random pictures. All. The. Time.

These are photos from Mr. Magoos view, as he is responsible for carrying my car keys, and my cell phone in his harness..I got some random dog shots from our last walk..

Those are my legs....

Oh, my legs again...

A view of the walking trail from a dog's perspective...

I think this is my shadow...

A dog's eye view of the park..

The ride home, Mr. Magoo is a happy pup!

Mr. Magoo has to lay on my lap after a park visit, maybe it is the blasting of A/C I have in my space, or because he loves me to pieces...
The world may never know. ..

Thursday, August 09, 2012

The Truth About Weight Loss...

Once you get serious about losing weight. You go thru highs and lows. I am at a point where I needed to look back and remember why I even started. I'm burning out. I'm struggling.

The secret to weight loss is...there is no secret.  Calories in vs. calories out is the only way to go. You can either workout a ton to eat more calories, or work out a little, and take in less calories.

You want to have a cheat day? You have to plan your entire week around it, that's all there is to it!

To lose a pound, you have to create a 3,500 calorie deficit. That puts it into perspective!

I've been gaining and losing my last 10-15 for almost a year now!! 10 lbs. may not seem like much. But it is the difference between squeezing into your pants, or wearing them comfortably

What's different between me and most people, is that I don't give up if I have a bad day. If I eat horrible one day, I am stringent for a week to make up for the calories. I never work out and sacrifice calories because I enjoy it, I do it because that is what it takes to lose, and maintain weight. I'd much rather eat whatever I want, vs. eating chicken breast and vegetables every day. Who wouldn't?

Seriously, I often wake up in a sweat from dreams about swimming in mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese!!

I do no like working out.

I do like to challenge myself. And own the over 90lbs I have lost, but there has never been a time that I can say I look forward to a work out. And I never say "wow, another day of chicken and vegetables, yesss!!"

I spend my lunch break running, then run more miles at the gym, sometimes 4 times a week, and then take a weight training or kickboxing class on top of it all in a day. I don't like it...It kills me. I'm exhausted!! It's hard. I hate it!

People have the perception that because I do it, I must like it. Even my super crazy kickboxing instructor/fitness nazi tells us "it never gets easier, and you probably will never enjoy it". And that is how she makes a living. 

That's me, in the striped shirt, in line for cake at a work function....circa many years ago.

And that's me 35lbs after the striped shirt, and after another 60 lbs in the sparkly top. 

The only thing I do like about weight loss, is buying clothes in the single digits. Shopping in regular stores vs. plus sized ones. The trade off for the enjoyment of clothes shopping, is sacrificing with diet and exercise. It all boils down to priorities.

Working out at 250 lbs didn't  feel great, and it isn't fabulous at 160 either. I am always sore, almost always tired, and at the very least once a week I ask myself how I can still go on this way, forrever!!

I am a food addict, and I can post a few weeks worth of blog posts about the struggles I have and have had with food.  Granted, it gets a smidge easier the longer you go without your drug (sugar, carbs for me) the easier to resist them it gets.

But, just like alcoholism, it never just "goes away". You are never cured. You have to learn to cope with it.

Unlike alcoholism, you don't have to consume alcohol to live...but we do have to eat.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Being at Peace...

One of my favorite quotes, hung prominently in my cubicle is.."Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart". -author unknown

I am at peace.

And it was a long road to get here, but I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

When I hear people complaining about their lives, whatever it is...jobs, kids, spouses, family, finances....I really take a moment to take stock in my own life.

My life is pretty amazing, and I thank the universe for the person I am today. 

It isn't that my life is without problems, or turmoil, or issues at all. We all have money problems, stress at work, family drama, relationship BS...What I am thankful for, is the fact that thru the years despite all of my setbacks, I have taken an active interest in learning how to be less concerned with controlling the outcome of any given situation, and more concerned with controlling how I react to them.

The understanding, that if I have given my all to anything, I have done my best. And I can recognize when something is out of my hands. I can't say enough about how amazing your own well-being is, when you make this realization. 

It was not until I took an interest in believing that I was the only one in control of my happiness, that things turned around for me. I discovered inner peace, and self love. What an amazing accomplishment!

Had I not thrown caution to the wind, and just tried to live a life more in tune to the way I talk to myself and perceive things, I would have never believed it was possible to be the person that I am today.

I am calm. I am happy. I am present, because I choose to be.

Change your thoughts....change your life!! What have you got to lose?

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Racing in the Rain...For the Animals..

This Sunday, was another race day! 

 Our race shirts were super cute, and purple!! I havn't gotten a purple shirt yet!

The day started out humid, but not too hot, slightly overcast, but no ominous storm clouds.

I made my way to my local dog park to run for a local animal rescue. Being the proud Mom of cutest rescue dog in the world....I love this sort of thing!!

Shout out to Mr. Magoo, shown here, co-bathing his cat sister, Fizzgig. (he doesn't know he isn't a cat...shh)

It was so endearing to see all the rescue workers being reunited with the dogs they had fostered, or worked with, and seeing the excitement at how happy they are in their new homes.

There were plenty of doggie pools for the pups to enjoy, along with fun doggie games. Mr. Magoo was not in attendance. (Shih Poo's aren't built for running, they are made for snuggling!)

My only goal for my run was to shave a few seconds off my last 5k time of 30.35. 

About a mile into the run, the skies opened up and gave us a major beating
Along with the rain there was thunder. And it was a trail run, that flooded quickly, so there was also the mud  to contend with.

I thought I was doing pretty good, because I switched between full on blind sprinting, to semi-blind walking. 

All in all I finished at 34minutes. I wanted to give up and walk, but I kept on trucking. I can't complain given the circumstances, and the great cause I supported.

Save a life, adopt a pet!!!

Friday, August 03, 2012

She's Crafty...

I havn't made anything in along time...unless you count mixing sweet chardonnay  with sugar free red bull...because that was a pretty sweet creation. Watch out Skinnygirl.

This past weekend I was super excited to put to use some ideas I found on pinterest.

One was putting to use all the wine corks I have. But I need to drink about 20 more bottles of Sutter Home Moscato to complete the project. Sure, I have tons more wine corks, but they were not all symmetrical. You may think this made me reconsider all my wine drinking. But then long ago..I switched to boxed, to avoid the knowledge of how much wine I really consume.

Sure, as far as function goes, it's totally useless, and it just sits on a shelf to collect dust and cat hair, but it looks kinda cool.

The second one was making a few sets of coasters out of my racing bibs! This was so much fun! Now, I can see my accomplishments every day, and it's a great conversation piece!