"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, October 31, 2008

Not So New Girl Pushes My Buttons...

I had a one on one with my boss yesterday. She said what I've said before. One day I'll thank new girl for testing my limits, it's helping me with my supervisory skillz for sure. New girl has been listening to headphones for a while. I never said anything, because we havn't been busy. I also can't hear her phone ringing. It was brought to my attention that she hadn't been answering her phone, and not only was she listening to headphones, she was watching TV on the internet at work and not working. What's worse, is the person who caught her watching TV was my boss.

So, I have a chat with not so new girl, and tell her that during this economic time, we want to be as irreplaceable as we can be. Step up and ask for more work if we're not busy, don't appear to not be working, we are lucky to have jobs, let's be helpful to other departments that need it. In order to do this we shouldn't listen to headphones. You know big pep talk. Not even 2 hours later...Not so new girl is at her desk on her head phones. Other coworker is ticked, cus if she can do it why can't I. You know how that goes.

So, I have yet another chat with not so new girl. She seems outraged. Whaaaaat? No headphones? As if it's the first time I said it. Logic would tell you, if 90% of your job is answering your VP's phone calls, you shouldn't wear headphones. Especially if you know you aren't doing 90% of your job.

Cut to a week later. This week to be exact. My boss stops thru the department and is chatting with us. She goes to leave, and not so new girl says to her in front of the department "we sure miss listening to headphones" boss said "what?" and I said "she's talking about headphones" and my boss walked away. She would later tell me in our one on one, that not so new girl is lucky she walked away. Not so new girl is not so smart. If your boss said you're doing something wrong and asked you not to do it...would you go to their boss and complain that you can't do something wrong? Seriously? I don't know if it's age? (she's like 27 I think) Or, just immaturity. I think a lot of things are common sense, but I also have to remember she isnt' me. (you know, like I shouldn't have to tell you your job can't be planning your wedding at work, do that on your lunch hour)

Especially after we just had a meeting saying we aren't sure about the immediate future of our jobs. The company will be OK, but we just don't know whats gonna happen right now, you know, like all companies. If I heard that I wouldn't be sitting up at my desk watching TV all day, not doing what little work I am expected to do. They have a lot of freedom, I don't yell at them for being late, I let them make up time if they need to for appointments, and I'm super cool. What else do they want? Gawd.

For Halloweener, I decided I'm gonna be a cat lady. Not as in "catwoman" meeeee-oooowww rawrrrr. As in a lady with many cats. You know, just like me in real life! I got the idea from Suzi. Only, I'm not going for quite the same look. I also have this doll, who I am modeling after, that my sister's ex boyfriend got for me. I still have to make an "I heart cats" tshirt, but I have some "TY" stuffed cats that I use to collect. I took their clothes off and sewed them to my bathrobe. I also have a Fur Real cat that I'm gonna carry around.

What are you gonna dress up as?

Edit: my costume landed me in the semi finals at work. The prize is a gift certificate to the employee store!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Numbers aren't lucky to me.....

Who doesn't like a nice cat picture? That's Fizzgig, using Fozzie as a leg pillow. I call it..."Mine". Tis the season for cats to pile up together, and look pretty cute!

Now that I got your attention with my cute cats.. at work I had to handle this deposition yesterday. It was called "The Porn Incident". I'm not kidding. It had nothing to do with porn, as that is not my line of work. It was the customer's name. Why wouldn't you change your name? It stated in said deposition about 15 times "The Porn Incident" why not call it something else? Is it just me being a perv or what?

I have only worked out once each day this week, and still....exhausted. I could sleep for a year. And every night I'm up at 3 am.

Lastley. I was tagged by Suzi. I think everyone should do it too, but I'm too lazy to tag folks! Get on it!

7 Random Things About Me meme

1. I married my high school not-so-sweetheart when I was 20 and he was 19. He left me two weeks after our 2yr anniversary. He'd one day regret that decision, and I one day would thank him. Funny thing...life.

2. I have a severe disgust for gum. I don't like the look, the smell. I won't touch a wrapper, or even a package of it. I dont want to see you chew it. Hear you, smell you. It seriously freaks me out, and I have no idea why. It's offensive to me. I remember as a child a peice was stuck to a fork when my brother and sister were doing dishes. They pulled it off, and I was terrified to use the silverware with the rose at the handles. How would I know which one the gum was on? Eeeek! It's a borderline phobia, because it makes my heart race if I'm faced with it.

3.This might have something to do with #2 I prefer to use plastic forks. I'll use silverware if I'm out, or somewhere I can't have a plastic fork, but I don't like the way it feels on my lips. Thinking about it, makes me cringe.

4. I havn't been to the dentist in 14 years. This is changing this year because I have a toothache. I had my wisdom teeth pulled while I was wide awake, and only numbed, and could explain every sound, and taste, and feeling. The worst? The crunching and cracking of my pulled tooth coming out. Or, the gushing blood down my throat. I was seriously traumatized.

5. I have a very non-traditional view of religion and "the afterlife". I think our souls keep coming back to earth until we learn lessons we set for ourselves on another plane of existence. That's why "life's not fair" and "bad things happen to good people". I don't think there is a place called heaven or hell where we float off to when our bodies die. I don't believe in creation. Or a billion other things. I think that the power and key to everything is within all of us, and it's our mission to find it. Is it easy? Hell no. What if I'm wrong? Well, then Jesus would just forgive me cus that's the kinda guy (they say) he is.

6. I was questioned in an aggrivated arson case when I was 16. They came to my school to talk to me. I cried. My ex husband (bf at the time) and his friend did it. I drove the car. Of course I ratted them out. I wasn't going anywhere in handcuffs, I was a good girl! I also told on him for smoking pot before school, and they didn't do anything about it. Nice. Now that I think of it I guess we could've killed someone but they made it seem like "no big deal" they were just trowing a bottle of gas with a burning rag at a girls house. So what?

7. My most embaressing moment was when I lived alone, and the cable guy came to see why my TV kept getting some douchebag's CB radio coming thru it. I told him it always happened if I was watching a "tape" (yea, vhs, how old school is that?) he asked if I had a tape to put in, and tape labeled "A Christmas Story" was on top of the VCR and he put it in, pressed play, and it was a Porno. Uh...Smack dab in the middle of all the action. I think the cable guy thought I was tryin to make my own porno. I. could. have. died.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Love and Marriage...

You've been to Post Secret before, right? You know, where you anonymousely send in your secrets so you can feel better about yourself, and your trampy dirty secrets? Or, the fact that you wipe your boogers on your husbands pillow or something. This one pictured here, from this Sunday struck me particularly hard. I always read comments from people who wonder if the secrets are meant for them. I don't think this is meant for me, I don't have a work spouse, but I know someone who does.

Do you have an opinion on having a person you work with that you consider to be so close, they are a "work spouse"? Do you find this can be dangerous, and asking for trouble? From a girls perspective, I think it's crap. I know how we operate. We over analyze things. He said this or that, I think he likes me..... I know all about how girls can strategically make the wife mad at the husband, by over stepping their boundries and pissing the wife off.....only to swoop in and act so much better than the wife. "I'd never do/say that to you, your wife must be insecure". Thus putting a wedge between the real husband and wife.

It's one thing if the work spouse respects that you are in fact married in "real life" (or in a super relationship..) and doesn't cross certain boundries. You know, like maybe giving them a pet name? For some reason this seems really shitty to me.

Sure, my ex husband cheated on me with people from work. Perhaps it's the reason this is bothering me. Perhaps it's something else. Either way, I'm a girl, and I have been my whole life. I know what canniving, bitches they can be. I use to be queen of the unstable, insecure, crazy club. I can't explain how hard it is for me to keep this work spouse thing under wraps, and not let it consume my every thought. You may think you have some baggage packed away until something forces it out of the closet. Makes you deal with it all over again. The main thing to remember is that I packed those bags, and I'm the only one who can unpack them.

How do you feel about work spouses?

P.S. One thing I read about soul groups, and twin souls is that they bring out all your "crap" and make you deal with it.....isn't that romantic? People have a very blurred vision of what "soul mates" really are. Be careful what you wish for.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Egg's Have it...

It snowed on my way to work. Sleeted. Snowed. The white stuff. Brrr. I was forced to turn on my heat last night at 11pm. I was holding out til November. I had on the space heater and it was freezing.

So I took my egg boiling question very seriously. I boiled eggs, all of the suggested ways. And you know what the result was? Who had the best egg idea?

The truth is, that in my two dozen egg experiment, all the eggs turned out perfectly. They all work. I'm not saying that to float everyone's boat. I think the trick here is....paying attention. No matter what I always walk away and leave the eggs. Ill leave them boil too long, or forget how long they are boiling, not put them in cold water or leave them too long in the hot.

I'm too impatient for egg boiling. Because this whole experiment was a pain. While they all worked, I liked the method of putting them on the stove and bringing to a boil. The eggs were fresh though (damsel) suprisingly, because I'm usually the one eating 3 month old eggs. Did you know you could do that and not die? Totally!

I may have reached a new level of exhaustion. I only worked out once yesterday too. I've decided that since I start boot camp on Friday, I'm taking it easy. It's also the week before my monthly gift arrives, so when I weigh in, it'll give me an advantage for losing weight. Muh ah ah

I had dinner at my Momma's yesterday. And we went to the game room. She's a bad influence.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Some Rain Must Fall....

I had a pretty fab Friday. Saw V is fantasssstic! Went to the haunted school house too with Heather. We got tix for the later Saw, because it sold out at 7:25. Balls! We got back and people were saying the theater had no seating, and were standing in the back. Whatever, we walked past them and sat in the front row. Amateurs. Our necks hurt but so what? We were going to Fork Kat for bailing cus she was sick, but she lives in a condo and we were thinking we might be arrested with the neighbors on watch and all. She lucked out. (Click here for our last forking adventure, which was way mature fun!)

I also went to Kent on Saturday for the super duper Halloween festivities. I'll post my own pics another time. There were a bagillion and six cops there. In their riot gear. Waiting for trouble. What sucks about it is, theres plenty of bars, but there are so many people, you have to wait in line to get in, because they are to capacity. You can't even Pee! So, unless you get there early you can't stay long. What. Ever.

I will include this photo of a celebrity sighting!

Duh, it's Jay and Silent Bob!

The manfriend and me had our first falling out. I think we've disagreed a couple times, but this time we actually said we were mad at each other. It pretty much sucked, and I was sick over the whole ordeal, and I had to fight back the tears. All in all I'm pretty proud of myself and how I handled things. I use to be a crazed lunatic, and if I can change that, anyone can change anything they want. (change your thoughts, change your life, I live by this!!!)

I have never put my skillz to the test before. But, I would have wound up hurting our relationship because of my own issues had I never worked on them. I know it sounds cryptic, but I don't want my personal biz on the internets. Things are back to fantastic. It lasted maybe an hour. Cus let's face it, we are madly in love.

And after we kissed and made up...wink..we did talk again about our situation (distance) and he brought up how our relationship isn't "normal" and its hard to move forward with it. I asked him what defines "normal"? Our relationship is simply different than what we are use to, and different isn't bad. It's different because we don't see each other as much, it's different because we're crazy in love, it's different because we enjoy hanging out, it's different because we don't bitch and fight, and act posessive, it's different because instead of fighting, we can talk things thru rationally, it's different because we are our own people, and mesh well together. It's different for a lot of reasons. We're happy with each other, really...what else matters? It doesn't come along that often, as I've heard.

The truth is, it's not moving forward because he has things he wants to work on, which I can appreciate, and respect. But I don't want the reason being picked for our not "moving forward" to be the mileage between us. It doesn't seem fair. I know it is all happening for a reason. Whatever it is will be clear in time. The difference with me and that boy is that I can see that, and appreciate it, and be confident in it to where I don't ever question why I am with him. I am, because I'm suppose to be. We are all....where we should be, so why bother questioning it?

That's deep shit! I should totally write a book.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Seeee Saw....

So today, we have a meeting in the afternoon. It's with another department. And the Senior VP of our department. Their shutting the phones down. They want us to all attend. I have been sick for days over it, having to reassure the girls everythings fiiiiiiiiine all the while on the inside I want to puke. I'm sure that our departments are merging, and I should be happy to have a job. But I don't love change. And, I'm terrified what will happen with my salary. Now that I signed up for stock options, and you know that fancy thing called health benefits. I don't think that you can take money from someone after giving it. So, maybe I'll just not get raises for years and years?

Because, in another department, I can't see my being the supervisor. I know nothing about that department. And, my boss is the manager of the department. I think that since I was already laid off once, it shouln't be karmically allowed to happen to me again. Ommmm, I will it to be so. But, it IS friday...layoffs historically happen on Fridays. I woke up at 7:56 today. I start work at 8. I got to work by 8:25 which is an amazing feat! Who's in my department talking to the girls? My boss. Of all the days. GAWD!

I know this is going on everywhere, but think of me........send me positive thoughts.

In happy news. I had a fantastical time with the manfriend the last 2 days. I think he might go to sleep and wake up cuter, and furthermore, he does it on purpose. Fo Realz. By the time he got home from work, it was too late and we didn't make the hockey game. I wasn't crushed. It was free. We tried to watch Airplane and Coming to America while having drinks (I had yummy woodchuck green apple cider yesssssss) but we were too goofey and gave up on it. One day I'm stealing him. I dunno how much longer I can take it.

I am happiest when I'm with him...and it kinda makes me mad because I can't help it. I don't remember ever being so in love. I know I have thought I was, but not this feeling inside that I get with him. That's new. Going to sleep every night wishing it was next to him. I really enjoyed my space and my "me time" and having the bed to myself (and 4 cats and a dog). Now, I don't love it so much. It feels empty. *sad face*

He did a lot of work on his car yesterday. I think he replaced the cooling system. The thermostat, and some long pipe. I held the light for him, held hoses out of the way, and retrieved nuts and screws that fell, and found things for him that he threw in frustration, "oh, you threw that over there". I dunno why boys like to do that sort of thing, it seems quite frustrating. But it's also a part of what makes them irresistable! I don't know how you can take apart a machine and put it back together again and it works. It is quite foreign to me.

I can't even fix my dang red swingline stapeler that lost a spring. It still holds a place of honor on my desk though.

I'm going to see Saw tonight! (I hate saying that...See, Saw). See Saw V. Yesssssssssss. I'm suppose to go to to nightmare in the wilderness too. My friends are sick though so we shall see. Happy Weekend!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Eff Yourself...

I'm holding my friend Katie personally responsible for these two being let into our old alma mater. I thought you were a responsible democrat? I didn't even know until Bethie told me. What the hell? What do they want at my school? I'm just a small town girl. Go to Cleveland and stir up those people. I am aphalled that my town is going to rally for McCain. *shudder*

I'm not blogging live today. So I can't tell you how fabulous my night with the manfriend was. Or how right now I'm probably watching him do something sex-muffinish like work on his car. I can tell you that all this week I have been working out twice a day for the second week. An hour and a half a day. And, I lost 5 lbs. Five is fabulous for me because I eat a lot of cheese and potatos.

Latley when I'm working out AFTER work, for the SECOND time, and my LEGS are killing me and my feet have blisters on my blisters...I think to myself, is it worth eating that crap? Then I say to myself....yes. Unfortunatley it is. I'm thinking soon, I'll be fed up with working out so hard. You can't do this shit forever. It consumes your damned life.

I watched this episode of Oprah the other day. I remember hearing about Michael Crowe when it happened. She asked the question, would you be able to be coerced into admitting you committed a crime you didn't commit? I would like to think I wouldn't but you can't know that. I can say that I have been so mentally exhausted from asshole men accusing me of things I didn't do, that I have admitted to things I never did to shut them up. And, they don't have the ability to put me in jail.

I had been accused of cheating in several arguments, over several months, over...and over.....and over....and over....that eventually, I cheated. Thinking of those arguements makes my body and mind feel heavy and tired. I would never in a billion years get back into a relationship where I am manipulated that way, while they are the ones cheating on you. Thank god for self awareness!

Do you think you would admit to a murder you didn't commit? Michael Crowe was told he did it for hours and days. And he was a teenager. He started to doubt himself, he thought "maybe I'm crazy".

And most importantly, do you have a no fail way to boil eggs? I seem to over and under cook them repeatedly. I have been having them before and after workouts, which really helps my hunger, and energy, but their not so delicious when not cooked properly.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Is It Over Yet?...

Tonight I'm going to see the Lake Erie Monsters. The name of the hockey team is monsters, and, the mascot is a bird? I think it might be a seagull even? I have no idea, it's my first hockey game. The tickets were free from work so whatyagondo? The manfriend has to work so we'll see if we make it on time. I'm gonna stay in the big city with him too! I'm excited about that, I have 4 days vacation left, and I'm using one for tomorrow! The rest are for my Bday and xmas!

Friday night, I had a text waiting in the car after Cedar Point. It was from that someone who was nothing more than a year long hook up...and it ended over a year ago. The one I said doesn't take the hint when I say to him that I am in love, have a boyfriend, or anything else that involves my not pining over him. I didn't answer the text at all. I wish he'd just go away. It's annoying.

Guess who else contacted me? CP. I stopped wearing the ring well before I kicked him out. He left me a long voicemail about my favorite show Lost, which apparently he now loves too. I have no idea what that was all about. At least I know the number that shows up from time to time is his I suppose. Of course, I'm not calling him back.

And when I think that I was going to marry him, I think of that oldie but goodie Garth Brooks song...."sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers"... I'm especially thankful when I look at my manfriend and it drives me crazy how cute he is, and how I can't keep my hands off of him, or when he says the sweetest thing to me that I truely believe, because it isn't a ploy for forgiveness for something. Or, when we break the bed wink wink. Or, when I'm cold he literally gives me the shirt off his back. I mean, he's uber sweet, and super cute. One day I'm gonna be with him always. I'm impatient, and I hate waiting. Tick...Tock..

You have to just believe that everything is for a reason. And, if you are in the midst of a break up, remember that they always come back. They do. I havn't ever dated a guy that fell off the face of the earth forever. And just because they come back doesn't mean you were meant to be with them. It could be to remind you that for a moment in life you had been temporarily stupid. Or, that you needed that relationship to push you into becoming who you are at this point in your life.

Speaking of coming back, it rocks when you can do something like this...

My dad's funeral, my ex husband (I think we'd been divorced like a year or more) took it upon himself to inform me, that in the obituary, they didn't get my name right. "No, that's MY name alright". Even though I was sad that my Dad had died, I was beaming with the way it felt to say that. I took back my maiden name, because I didn't want any part of him in my life. It was the best feeling, besides realizing that he was merely a stepping stone in the great path that is my life. There was a time I thought he was every mile on that path.

And...Here's my kids enjoying another episode of Planet Earth. Fizzgig is on the left, she's the Mom of the other two, Pickachu, and Fozzie. My precious'essssssss.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I'm taking the plunge. I'm joining boot camp. I'm certainly not joining the army, navy, air force or marines, (I'm too chicken shit), I'm joining a workout bootcamp. Go, Me! I found a few martial arts studios to test out too, but first I'm doing the boot camp. It's regularly $85 a month, but if I go 10/31 with a buddy and sign up, I can go for $57. (Another mgr in my deptartment from work is going to join with me) So I'm doing it for a month. I think it'll be the kick in the ass I need to get over my plateau. I'll have to follow a diet too. I'll just drink rum instead of beer. You also pay money if you gain weight. I'm totally gonna be the biggest loser, if you are, you get a month free. I'm awesome when I'm focused. How many times did I win biggest loser at my last job? A lot.

I went to gamble with my Momma this past weekend. Since it's not legal I won't say much about it other than the fact that she paid for me to play and I won money (which I had to split with her cus she paid)! I got a new winter coat, which I havn't had in years. Yay!

I was forced to put on my big girl pants on Monday. New girl told me her VP asked her to do a report she told her she couldn't do. (long story short, we went from 6 secretaries to 2, so a LOT of reporting has been cut out, specific to VP's, and only reporting they all receive can be produced.) She told her she'd have to ask me, her supervisor if she could go ahead and do it. She told her "I don't know why you have to ask her if you can do it, it's something I need, just don't tell her".

Excuse me? First of all, she couldn't produce this report, because you need a report writing program that I have on my computer to take it from a text file and import it into excel. So, she couldn't have done it. Second, you're asking her to undermine her supervisor? (how important does that make me sound?) I ran the situation by my boss who gave me the go ahead to tell this lady what time it was. I told her that new girl was acting under my direction, and she was shitty to me and turned her back on me. Eventually she half assed apologized to me, and at the end of the day she was bubbly like it never happened. I really don't care, the rules are the rules. She can suck it! New girl did the right thing for once, and I had to defend her.

So, on Dr. 90210 last night I saw how a vagina is turned into a penis. It's not pretty. It is wacked that you can turn our junk into their junk. The Dr. said erection, and orgasm will feel normal. Eeeeeuuuuw. I didn't see the actual junk, but they showed drawings. I didn't like it. Because, I'm not naming names, but I'm pretty sure I've seen this in real life. Some people I know doubted me, but I know that someone I knew use to be a girl. I always had a gut feeling. It doesn't make you gay if you didn't know!

P.S. I have in the last 5 days bought 2 packages of stackers. Admitting it means its not a problem right?

Monday, October 20, 2008

So I'm Not So Young Anymore...

Well, officially I can't just ride whatever I want anymore at the theme parks. When does this happen. Remember when your mom would say "I can't do those rides" and you'd tell her she was lame because surely she was just afraid and didn't get sick? I got sick. At Cedar Point. On this flippin ride. It was fun the first few rounds. Then I got nauseus. I had ridden several rides by then, it was the second to last ride. I rode the Magnum, Millenium, (which, I never thought the damn first drop was going to end!) Wildcat.

They made me ride the Power Tower. Um that one I was afraid of. I couldn't watch them go up and down. When we got to the top Heather wanted me to "look at the pretty lights" then she offered to hold my hand. I was pretty scared. Heck yea I held her hand, so what? I screamed so long and hard, I had to take a breath and scream again! That was no joke.

Then I got nauseus on that stupid Max Air. And we had 5 minutes to get in line for the Raptor. I thought it would shock the sick out of me. After the first flip, I knew it was bad news. Since the entire ride is filmed, I hid inside my hoodie. I wasn't going to be filmed yacking. As soon as I got off the ride, I headed right to the pisser, and tossed my McDonald's snack wrap. It was like having the spins when you drink too much. I luckily fell asleep on the way home and it went away.

We went into a couple of haunted attractions. One being corn stalkers. Which was fun because it was lined with corn stalks, and there were monsters covered in corn stalks so they could scare you pretty good, they blended into the walls. Muh ah ah ah....

Saturday of course I saw my sweetie. Who even got me a very sweet card, and gift! I didn't expect that at all he's pretty cute! We went out for food and drinks, and had a fabulous time. He ate the hottest wings known to man. (to me!) Boys are nuts that way!

And, yesterday we saw Religulous which you shouldn't see if you believe things like, Noah carted two of each animal onto an arc and saved the animal population, or Jesus was an immaculate conception. It might make you mad, because it asks people how these things occurred, and the answer is just you have to have faith. Whatever floats your boat. It was a good movie though. We both loved it, because it questions religion. You should see it if you have an open mind. It was very funny, and eye opening. There is a guy in this movie who thinks he is Jesus reincarnated. He's Latin, and lives in Miami. The trailer gives you an idea of the wonderfulness of the movie.

I can't remember the last time I went to a movie, where people clapped at the end.....Hmm. There are others like me.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Day The Vagina Stood Still....

Don't ask me why I titled my post as such, but I have one so I can say that. My trip to the gyn yesterday was just fabulous. I think I use the term gyn. here lightly. I mean, nurse practitioner.
Back when I had insurance, I use to go to a midwife. Tomato tomah-tt-o. The boy said he had to deliver babies in school, so I imagine this broad was qualified to scrape my insides if she's a nurse, right?

Honestly my experience this time was much better. I only waited half an hour to be called back. There was only 1 screaming child in the waiting room (reminding me why I was there, and decided the slight inconvenience is worth much more than a lifetime of screaming children) It started out with me not updating my financial information, because I have no insurance, and they would have made me pay more cus I make more than last time. That shit aint cheap, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. I still had to pay for my visit and labs, not like it's free. Then, I was weighed, and found out I have again gained back 10 lbs. Up and down and up and down. I can hardly wait til I'm on the last 20, cus I bet that's worse! I'm losing this 10 for good. I'm sick of it!

After being drilled about if my partner was the same as last time, a hermaphrodite, or if I have anal sex.... they told me to take off all my clothes, I didn't even get the napkin to somewhat cover half my boobs this time. I bet it's budget cuts. All I had was the giant napkin to go over my lap. Huh? So there I sat stark naked with a big napkin tucked up under my arms with my entire backside hanging out sitting on the table. My nurse was pretty awesome, she came in and asked if I wanted to put my shirt back on while we talked. Well hell yea! Give me some of my dignity back. And she talked to me. Nothing worse than laying in silence while someone investigates your insides. Hard to believe we pay to have this shit done.

She asked if I had my cholesterol tested before, but since I don't have insurance we'd skip that. Huh? Am I really at the age where my cholesterol should be checked? I actually wouldn't mind, because I'm sure its peachy, along with my excellent blood pressure. Anyway, it's over. Next year? I'll be at a nice Dr. office, with cushy furniture, and gowns that tie in the front, and real live speculums, not plastic. And no one asking me if I have anal sex. I think this whole 2 years w/o insurance has definately given me a look at the other side.

I'm pretty happy it's Friday. It's suppose to be like 30 degrees tonight for Halloweekends. Brrr. I hope I don't turn into a popcicle. It's Sweetest day this weekend. But, I guess it's a made up holiday and it doesn't matter. Sigh.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Gettin Off the Juice...

It's bosses day. I bet you are all wondering if I got anything. Yea, me too. I do get to have my va-hoo-ha looked at today. Don't get excited, it's my big annual trip to the gyn. I think with modern technology, they should figure a hands-free, non naked way of violating women. Put that on my list of things to do before I die.

I'm still tired. I looked up the symptoms of anemia. I only considered it because I barely eat meat, and rarely do I ever eat red meat. It's not even a monthly occurance. I guess I do eat a lot if you consider every sunday I have turkey bacon for breakfast, and almost every weekday morning I have a turkey sausage link. And, I barely have a period. And I bruise easily. I hate leafy green vegetables. I like iceberg lettuce. And most every other veggie but I don't eat that green lettuce leafy weed crap.

No, I think mostly it's the fact that I was taking an excess of "mini thins" and stackers and Ripped Fuel, coupled with sugar free energy drinks, or cappucinno's, including the 5 hour energy shot. I did this because I got up at 7, went to work, and didnt get home from work until 11pm, did a half hour workout, cleaned, housework.... Lather, rinse, repeat. I needed something to keep me going. For um. Years. I, am a caffiene junkie. And I'm such a junkie, that I need horrific amounts of it to even affect me.

I've tried lots of things to wean me off of them. Cold Turkey. (bitch!)
Products containing less caffeine. (which are crap, I just took more..) And my latest endeavor...natural Guarana. Guarana worked, its the key ingredient in energy drinks...in pill form.. w/o the sodium and sugar and crap, but I had to take about 5 of them at a time. I know it's not good for me to keep it up. I've gone weeks without taking anything, and like the past couple weeks...I'm the walking dead. It's horrible. I stopped taking anything now, except for weekends, because I'm too tired to do anything. I think I should go to rehab. Get me off carbs, and caffeine. Anyone wanna go with? You can get some R&R and make fun of me.

It use to be that working out gave me energy, but now that doesn't even work. I thought it was because I was working out during the day so I was so tired at night, well I'm working out afternoon, and night, and Have energy for the few hours after but thats it.

No bother, tomorrow I'm gonna win the mega millions, and have all the fat sucked off of me, and get some botox, a boob lift, and trainers, and chefs. Life will be swell then. That is, after I buy my own island, where I will live my days out with that cute boy I love.

Tomorrow I'm goin to Halloweekends at Cedar Point with my girlfriend and her coworkers. It sure wasn't scarey going w/the manfriend last year, cus he's a big strong man. I might be scared going with girls. *gulp* If a monster eats me, or I'm thrown from a ride, my millions will go to my cats, like any other respectable single girl with 4 cats would do.

Someone better ride the Wildcat with me. It's only my favorite roller coaster. Even if it is for sissies! And this is the most scarey thing, evah! It goes 120 mph in 4 seconds! vrooooooom!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Mission Control...

I'm so tired I had to make coffee before I left home, instead of getting it at work for fear I'd fall asleep at the wheel. So. Tired. Body, sleeeeeepy. I slept til 8 yesterday. And, I start work at 8. I started working out twice a day again. Forty-five minutes each. I know math sucks, but thats an hour and a half a day. Five days a week. Prior to double workouts, I did an hour a day, 5 days a week. And for the past 2 months, 45 min a day, 5 days a week. I workout more than anyone I know. And, I havn't lost weight in months. Havn't I complained about this before? Well, complaining gets you nowhere, so it's time to do something about it.

I don't know of anything more exhausting. On top of working out twice, I'm also changing up some of my routine. Obviously I need a change. I have been maintaining (if you call gaining and losing the same 10 lbs consistently, maintaining) for over a year. I still have another size to go down, so I'm kicking its ass.

I did the stupid ski machine at lunch yesterday, 15 minutes. That's all I could hang. It fucking hurts. But I'll get up there. I started at 5 min on the eliptical and now I'm doing 30 pretty easily. Then I moved to the treadmill for 30 min at a 5% incline. (because I gave up jogging a while ago due to the fact that my knees crunch and creak) After work I did 30m on the eliptical, and 15 min on the treadmill at 4.5% incline. That's about what I do, sometimes I add the bike in for shits and giggles. But it always evens out to 45 minutes.

I'm on a mission today to find some type of martial arts class to take that doesn't cost me my right arm. Maybe the left, but not the right! I want to do something different, that I will enjoy and also get a workout. I'm not joining a gym because I have a free one at work and that's just stupid. I have no idea what type to take, but I'll look into it. Anyone take any martial arts and have a favorite? It wouldn't be bad to be able to kick someones ass in the process of learning too.

When I grow up I'm inventing first, teleportation, so don't think of trying to beat me. And second, a pill that makes you thin, but you can still eat and not kill yourself working out. I have no idea how to do either, but I think it's important to have dreams.

Speaking of dreams, the mega millions is up to 32 million. I'm totally winning on Friday. I'll still blog. Only it'll be about how fabulous it is to be rich.

P.S. Why I hate old people reason uh, 5,678

Me: "name of my department, this is me"
Old Fart: "yes im trying to reach vintage auto"
Me: "You reached 'name of my company'"
Old Fart: "hmmmmm I'm sure I dialed Vintage Auto"
Me: "No, you got 'name of my company' where I am working right now"
Old Fart" "mmmmm...do you know the number to vintage auto?"

Old people are lazy. Look it up, the yellow pages are free! I hung up on him, otherwise he'd keep going until I screamed.

P.S.S. Who's watchin the debate tonight? I was kinda suprised to see this.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Tiptoe Thru The Tulips...

So, I heard this story on the news where a woman shoots herself cus her house is being foreclosed on, and how that is the state of the world today. Yea, it sucks to have your house taken away. Shit happens. But I don't feel bad for anyone at all. My ex husband decided one day he didn't want to be married anymore, and left me high and dry with all of our bills, making $8 an hour. Did I try to kill myself? No. No one wanted to help me keep my house. I also lost my job. And my car. And had a cat put to sleep. And filed bankruptcy. Then found out the ex knocked up the bitch he cheated on me with. Stop me if you've heard this one..... So you see, I have no sympathy. I had my own crises, which I still pay for on my credit report 10 years later. And spent years gaining back my self respect.

The world today is filled with big fat wussies, and I'm sick of it. Grow up and be responsible. When I couldn't afford to live on my own, I worked two jobs for three years. I sure didn't love it, but that's what you do. You act responsible. Don't expect me to bail you out. Oh wait, it's not up to me. Speaking of the world today, I'm so proud this is my alma mater.

On a lighter note I had a fantastic weekend. I worked out after work (no one saw me naked! score!) Friday, showered, packed, and went to see my guy in the city. We attended a party I think in Olmsted Falls or North Olmsted, which was pretty quiet, and someone called the cops. What a lame-o town that is. You also couldn't park on the street after 2 am. At said party I fed their dog about 10 peices of sliced cheese, because she loved it and I'm a huge sucker for a cute face. She was so high off that cheese she spit out about 10 tortilla chips, cus she wanted the good shit. My kinda dog!

I also talked one of the boy's friends out of these sweet-ass boot glasses. I use to have one at my Dad's house, if you drink out of it just right, you get a pretty sweet sound, and kool aid in your face. Totally flippin awesome. I tried to make up some story as to why I wanted them, but I'm not a great liar, and he wasn't buying it. Eventually he gave in and said I could have them. He was pertty drunk too. We drank labatt's (cringe) cus it was a keg (a.k.a free). And, I contributed to a two time win at beer pong with the manfriend. I actually made some shots, I do me proud.

Saturday I trucked it home, because my dog doesn't eat when I'm not around. It's sad, because she is almost 13, and I feel horribly guilty leaving her for 1 night, let alone two. I showered, pet the cats, fed the dog, turned around and went back out to the boy's house. We went to his Dad's for a clam bake (barf) and football (double barf) but I managed to have fun anyway. Luckily my manfriend isn't a super sports freak, and can casually watch something and not get all worked up about it. Reason 567,459,215 that I heart him. We had yummy brandy and cider, chicken, corn on the cob, and baked sweet potato. (No clams for me k, thx). I also thought I would give him a run for his money at pool when I accidentally got like 3 balls in. But that's a laugh. I even tried distracting him by fondling his rump. No go. He kicked my ass.

Sunday we got up and made a trip to Home Depot to repot his ferns. Which I did for him while he made us a scrumptious breakfast. Have I mentioned how the manfriend is impossibly handy, and a good cook? Yea. Oh, and he's also a medic, and he takes pretty good care of my injuries, to which I sustained another when I stepped on a freaking plug this weekend. Ow. He also has a big heart. Shut me up. We went to his Momma's for his birthday. He spent time taking apart his Moms computer and putting the power supply from one into the other. I told you he's handy. We had pizza and cake, and I wanted to puke I was so full.

I also got presents, she gave me stuff from the Peppridge Farm store, cinnamon bread and donuts, and she gave me some movies she burned, and sent me home w/leftover pizza and cake too. Is that pretty cute or what? After spending 3 days and 2 nights with my guy, of course I cried on the way home. It sucks leaving him. I wanna cry thinking about it now. It's not a desperate feeling, like I can't go on without him.

It's just that I know I wont see him for a few days, and it's so incredibly hard! I love the feeling of him close to me when we are sleeping, especially when I have a bad dream, wake up and can go right back to sleep because he is with me. I havn't felt that "safe" feeling since I can even remember.

I'm pretty taken with this one. I deserve it.

Monday, October 13, 2008

One day I'll Thank her for making me stronger...

We had the mobile mammogram at work. You have to be 40. New girl signed up and then told everyone "they wont let me do it, you have to be 40". She must have told 30 people, no lie, over a weeks time. Friday I'm discussing getting a free check register from the bank with a coworker, because I had no idea they were free. I've been whiting my check registar out for years and re-using it. I'm thrifty that way. New girl butted in,

NG: "yea....it's free with your insurance card"
Me: "insurance?"
NG: "the mammogram?"
Me: "New girl, I AM NOT 40!!!!!!"
NG: laughing "I forgot about the age limit" No you didn't. Betch.
Me: Walked back to my desk and tried not to cry. 40? I don't think sooooo.

(not that 40 is bad, it's the new 25 or something, but I'm not even to 35 yet, let me age gracefully)

Other than that, I'm having issues with new girl at work again. I think she forgets to plug her ears and the stupid just runs out. Seriously. I thought we had nipped all this in the bud but I'm thinking she is just not intelligent. And, it's been almost a year. New girl is not so new. I went thru the trouble of creating a calendar for our department, outlining what days certain reports come out. What days we send them out. When deadlines are to be met, everything. You think anyone uses it? No. They ask me "when's this due"? It's the same every month. LOOK AT THE CALENDAR!

One of her VP's asked for a special achievement letter. I wrote it for him because she was busy with month end. He wanted it hard copy I gave it to new girl to put in his mail. Three days later, the VP asks me about it. She didn't give it to him. She said "ohhh here it is...He must have left early Monday before I gave it to him, I'll give it to him on Friday". Point? Your job isn't hard. Do it.

I make them give me a daily copy of their planner pages to keep track of what they have going on, and so I can distribute the work load if needed. But that's not even useful for her. She forgets reports. The idea is, use the calendar I created, write each month out in your planner, and check the tasks off when complete. Easy cheesy. Not so much. I had to create a spreadsheet for her for each miniscule task that has to be done.

For example, we run monthly awards for stores. I gave her each step as a task to mark off.

1. Run "stupid monthly award"
2. Stupid monthly awards signed by VP
3. Run labels for stupid monthly award
4. Label envelopes for stupid monthly award
5. Mail stupid monthly award

The rest of the world can simply write "stupid monthly award" and know all that it entails. Not new girl. That's too hard. The person this looks bad for is me, I'm her boss. No one is going to take me down because they can't do their job. We're going to have this talk. "Either you don't know how to do it, or you don't care...I know you know how to do it because you have shown me you can, so I'm going to have to assume you don't care."

I had a fabulous weekend, but that's another story!

P.S. Bosses day is this thursday should I start dropping hints?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Helpin The Economy...

Firstly I gave the boy his bday gift on Wednesday. I got him the Flash Gordon record, by Queen. Yea, a record. He mentioned once that it was his favorite album and he didn't know where it was and it was the first one he remembered buying. That's the best kinda gift if you ask me. Unexpected. I was pretty pleased with myself. And, I think he liked it a lot too. Especially since I gave him two, because I'm a novice e-bayer, and well, that's a long story.

It's pay day. Thank the stars. Missing $150 out of your check is no joke. That is my "living" money. That's what I use to buy food, or go out, and generally, have money in the bank to fart around with. Damn work for overpaying me and taking it back. Bastards. Good news, my employee purchase withdrawl is down to $15 a check! I can see the end in sight! Just about the time my insurance will come out of my checks, so I'll never notice a difference. I hope.

I bought stock in my company this week. It was the last week to do it, and we have the option thru work to buy at a discount, and we can take it out in a year, so I am doing a whopping $20 a month. It may turn into big money. I may lose it. Either way I'm doing my part to stimulate the economy. Now go do yours.

Speaking of the economy. It scares me. I make more money than I ever thought I would. Yet, I can't save money. Savings? What's that. I have enough in my savings to last a week, and that's just if I want to eat, and feed my pets. I want to move so desperatley but I don't have the money to do it. You have to come up with so much freaking cash to move, not to mention the cost of actually moving. It's depressing me. All I want to do is eat 50lbs of cheese and forget all my worries. Maybe a half gallon of Edy's double churned too. Why not. Well besides the fact that it would take me 6 months to lose the weight I gained from all that. Balls. I do get to see the boy tonight, and Saturday, and Sunday. It's a rare treat. Eeek.

Wow, I'm depressing aren't I? It wouldn't suck as much if I weren't completely in love with someone who lives in BFE, (actually I think I'm the one who lives in BFE) who I don't get to see nearly as much as I'd like to, which makes the whole moving thing seem so desperate to me. Like, I want to so badly mostly because of that. Yes, I need to because of work, and the snow...but I feel in a hurry because of that boy. Life seems so unfair sometimes, and I can't wait to see what lesson this is suppose to be teaching me. Patience? Screw that mess.

Damn, can you tell it's my time of the month? What gave it away? Someone needs to smack me. Or, buy me some vodka. I'm too poor to afford it. Did I mention I have no winter shoes and I'm still wearing sandals? I'm available for adoption! I'm pretty low maintenance, but I do come with 6 pets, which are non-negotiable.

Thursday, October 09, 2008


Know what's kinda strange? Seeing people you work with naked. I've been in this competition at work. It's an unspoken competition, and it isn't who can look better naked. It's the who can get to the gym the earliest, finish the fastest, and shower and be dressed before other people want to take a shower.

I've decided after several mishaps a.k.a seeing coworkers naked.. the best time for working out is 11 am. Most people are on scheduled lunches, so I beat the crowd. Plus, I can watch The View while I get my 45 minutes in. By the time I'm done and showering, most people are just arriving in the gym. I don't have to worry about people coming in the shower room while I'm naked. Like that episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte doesn't want to take it off in the steam room..."I didn't grow up in a naked house". (although I did grow up taking my clothes off....according to my mother)

I understand that if this were a regular old gym, I wouldn't care so much. It's another thing to see someones va jay jay, and then sit in a meeting across the table from them. Hi, I like your tan lines. Despite all my careful planning, it isn't fool proof. Yesterday Im stark-ass naked, and some lady just opens the curtain to the room I'm in, and there I am...whattya do? I waved. She shut the curtain and left. Not into the gym, she left out of the locker room. I don't know if I should be offended or what. I don't think I look that bad.

I love having a gym at work, its convenient (about 50 steps away), and free, I'd have to say the only downside is the naked thing. And now that it's getting colder, more people are using the gym vs. the "outside track" (which is just a yellow line painted thru the massive parking lot. If I didn't sweat so profusely I wouldn't have any problems, but my entire head drips with sweat, and I sweat thru my tshirt, even my ass crack sweats. I'm not ashamed. I can't not take a shower.

I could also start staying after work, but it's so nice to be able to leave at 5:00 and know my workout is already done!

And P.S. I don't know how much longer I can stand not seeing that manfriend more often. I swear to the infinite universe, he's gonna find himself kidnapped!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Dumb and Dumber-er..

I finally got the whole situation with my birth control figured out. They finally GOT a nurse for me to speak to yesterday, after trying to get thru their effed up phone system for 1/2 an hour. And, guess what? The nurse had JUST filled out a supplies by mail order for my birth control.

Nurse : I just filled out your supplies by mail order today.

Me: For me?

Nurse: Yes

Me: I didn't send one in

Nurse: Yes, I just sent it this morning

Me: My script runs out Friday, I never would have sent in an order this close to the end of my script.

Nurse: what's your name?

Me: first and last name

Nurse: Yes, I just filled it.

Me: Can you check, because I don't know how you will bill me without my sending in my information.

Nurse: Oh, That was for September.

Me thinking.....you are a freaking liar.

So I went to get my refill yesterday. And I have to go back next week for my appt. Its scandalous.

On a happy note, my back barely hurts and I'm working out today. Well, if working out makes you happy, which really it doesn't. I had horrible dreams last night and at 4am after the third time waking up from the same dream I had to listen to my meditation MP3 to not have nightmares! It was horrible. Someone was after me, my Mom and brother were living at our old house even though people lived there. They stayed when no one was home. One night I was over visiting my brother and they were home, and caught us. Weird. It was all about them kidnapping me, and me trying to get my neighbor to save me thru the bathroom wall (we always pound on the wall to hear each other, we're friends).

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Chocolate Strawberries...

At work we had an event to introduce a new line of jewelry. One of our stores had been selling it for a while, but I guess there is a new relationship where we get exclusive rights to a line and its expanding to more of our stores. We had a chocolate fountain because there were chocolate diamonds. With marshmallows. Strawberries. Oreos. Pretzels. I would love to have a chocolate fountain at home. I'd get a straw and drink from it's yummi-ness.

It was pretty exciting. Especially seeing all the red carpet celebrities wearing said jewelry, and all the print and TV advertising. It made me feel better about my job in a world where people can't buy gas, or put food on the table. At least I know the rich will still be buying diamonds! And this stuff is quite unique and very cool. I only want one of everything.

Speaking of everything. I have decided that 2009 is the year I buy myself a substantial rock. I visit this little ditty at work all the time. I love it. I am worth it. And by buy I mean, put it on my employee account. The one I want is a 3.5 carat, and an investment in my future. If I'm unemployed or hungry I can always sell it. Although, I might be inclined to sell a kidney first. I mean, look at it. No one loves me like I love myself, that's for damn sure!

Monday, October 06, 2008

the art of having fun....

It's my cute manfriends birthday today. You know he never mentioned it. Me? In another week, I'll start the 2 month count down to my birthday! You can't miss mine! I got him a gift a while ago but havn't found something to go with it. I think it's a thoughtful gift cus he mentioned this one day and I remembered and got it.

So...I hurt my back. I'm guessing that what did it was taking my a/c out of the window, even though I didn't lift it but put it on the ground and rolled it. You know, since last year this is exactly the way I hurt my back. I thought for days it was riding the bike that did it, but I suppose that makes more sense. Either way, I'm in horrible pain, even sleeping sucks.

Friday night I went out with some people I use to work with. It was a lot of fun! Mostly people that got let go, or were smart enough to quit over the years. I forgot how much fun we use to have at that place. Ho hum. What I hate about going out is, that my girlfriends get to go home to their men. And I don't. Something not right about that. But, we had a lot of laughs! A few of us went to breakfast at IHop too. IHops the frigging bomb-diggity!

I got my hair done on Saturday which costs a small fortune. I always get a cut and hilight, so I'm use to the total package price, my Mom went to my girl, just for a cut. A cut costs $25. I never knew that! But like I told my Momma, you get what you pay for. We were having game night with the boy's friend and girlfriend that night. I made my fabulous taco dip, and he made his yummy velveeta dip. I even brought such fun games as Taboo, and Mad Gab.

I was sooooo happy to see him. I like him too much. I think he should pay for that somehow. He was cute and put some stinky stuff on my back. Funny thing about game night, his girlfriend informed me when the boys left the room that her guy didn't like to play more than 1 game, and hated losing. Ya don't say? It was her idea to have said game night. You think she'd know better than to subject us all to it. I don't like bad attitudes. I think I'd rather eat razors than be around people who have an attitude, especially for no reason. So, game night wasn't really much fun. It had its moments....brief moments. I like to play games and laugh and have fun with it. Winning is always a plus, but c'mon we played uno, not poker.

Sunday my back hurt 100 times more than the previous week. I barely moved. The manfriend made yummy breakfast, and dinner, and was generally adorable and made me spend some time plotting his demise. You know, I mean it out of total love. We watched some movies and cuddled up together. Sigh.

And here it is Monday. I still havn't heard back from that God Damned nurse about my birth control refill. After Friday, no more sex for me. And if I have to wait until my appointment? Then it's 4 weeks. I really dunno what the hold up is. I'm just going to keep calling and bitch them out. I don't want no stinking babies! I would enjoy having my sex life remain the same too. So they besta watch out!

Friday, October 03, 2008


I havn't had insurance since I was let go from my last job almost 2 years ago. Then I took such a pay cut, I couldn't afford to have it at the new job. I'm no awaiting my insurance, which will not be effective until January. Luckily, I am due for my "annual exam". And by that, ladies, you know just what I mean. (yes boys I use the word period euuuuw)

I have had the opportunity to use Planned Parenthood. Which I'm guessing is better than the health department (as I have also had to use the health department before to get a tetnus shot...not fun). My last visit was outlined in my post "national vagina day". Where I was given a paper towel to put on that didn't cover my chest, and told to get naked. I can't imagine what this one will be titled. But judging from my experience thus far, it might be, "national I wish I didn't have a vagina day".

So I get my BC pills thru the mail every three months. Instead of the last time saying, you have one month left, they just waited until they sent the last month and told me to reschedule my appointment. You know, it takes for. ev. er to get in that place too. After 15 phone calls I manage to get an appointment. Complete with the "nothing in the vagina for 48 hours prior to the visit". You know at a nice gyno they say "no intercourse" Nothing meaning what? There goes all my fun. No shoving random objects in my vagina. (no, I don't do that)

So, I go on my merry way until last week, I counted out my pills, and I realize, I'm gonna be on my mother heffin period the day of my appointment. So, I called for three days to change my appointment. I finally get someone on the phone. They couldn't reschedule me cus the "calendar wasn't open" for 3 wks from now.

I was like look, I am going to run out of birth control pills, and I need a supply. She informed me a nurse would call me that day to see "if I could get a refill". You know where I'll have to drive out of my way and go pick up too. Like I can't wait to do that. They treat it like its a fucking narcotic. Yes I'm selling them on the streets because that $7 discount is so irresistable! This is Planned Parenthood right? The bitch never called me back. This has seriously stressed me out.

So I spent an hour trying to get thru to them again yesterday. That place's phone system is jacked all the way to hell and back. And after yet another hour of being redirected and hung up on, this was the conversation:

Me: I am following up on a call I made yesterday. I am going to be on my period for my appointment and needed to reschedule. (finished explaining story..blah...need pills...blah.)

girl: Ok, when was your appointment?

Me: 10/10 at 8:45

girl: Did you cancel it?

Me: Yes, I needed to reschedule it, they couldn't do it yesterday, and a nurse was suppose to call me and she didn't. I need a new script, I'll be out next week!

girl: what's your name?

Me: first and last name

girl: Ohhh....I remember Nisha telling me about you yesterday, she thought Monica Lewinsky was coming in for an appointment, and I told her no way is she coming into Planned Parenthood in (my nearest city). Ha ha ha, you poor thing. Ha ha.

Can we get back to my vagina? Can I schedule my appointment? Can the world get off the nuts of my freaking name already? Now the gyno is making jokes? Why is this acceptable? If anyone can think of a way for me to profit off of years of torment I have endured thanks to Monica Lewinsky, let me know. I may share a cut with you.

I doubt the bitch is even polish. She isn't even a real "ski".

Thursday, October 02, 2008

This Is My Country..

I'm thinking of starting my own country. This might have to take priority over inventing teleportation, but once I establish said country, I'll have all the time in the world for inventing things. Even an air bra. And....paperclips that don't tangle. In my country, I'll spend all my time working on inventing things. And, stealing pets from other countries. With all my horses I won't need gas. Who needs heat? That's why the universe gave us men. And animals. To keep us warm and safe! (maybe some other stuff too...the men part, not the animals, perv.)

I don't mind if my whole country is made up of cats and dogs because they wont complain. They wont spend my money either. I wont even need money, we can pay each other with pets. If you really want to give up fluffy, you know you can't live without it. What a great way to live within our means.

In my country if you don't work you get kicked out. You have to laugh. You can't be some religious fanatic, keep it to yourself or you're gone. I'll make MSG illegal, along with high fructose corn syrup, even if the corn council says its good. I'm tired of working out so much.

Honestly...Why can't we all send $5 to the government? On our tax return. Instead of donating $1 to the election (which..... screw that mess) we can donate $5 to the government. Why do I have to be taxed even more for someone elses fuck up? What about all the billions of dollars in pennies we are all squirrling away. I should start a penny drive for America. Watch out fame and fortune, here I come. (see, I'm doing it for my own selfish reasons...)

Does it make me old that I am excited to watch the VP debate tonight? Or, does it make me evil because I am only watching to see Sara Palin make a total ass of herself? Anyone? Anyone?

I rode 11 miles on the bike yesterday. Which isn't really far on a bike. It was only 45 minutes. Today, my freaking back hurts. You just can't win. However, my knees aren't killing me, cus I started taking glucosamine. My Momma told me to.

And I dreamt the other night I had a penis on my ass. No, a boy didn't put it there, it was growing out of my ass cheek. I pulled it off, and it was like a wacky wall crawler penis. I didn't take the liberty of analyzing that one.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Movin on Nowhere...

I've been looking to move for ohhhhh, about a year now. While I'm perfectly content where I live now (in the summer - cus in the winter I battle the hill of doom) I live far from my place of employment. I spend $300 a month in gas. And it sickens me. I also live far from that guy I'm nuts about and being closer to work would benefit that whole situation as well. I have found alot of nice places. But I have a dog. Cats are easy to rent with. Oh, and I also smoke. That's the latest in rental restrictions. You know I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who use to get in trouble with the landlord for "having loud sex". I mean, renting blows.

So does owning, when I had a house, our neighbors were psychotic. Ask anyone. They roped their yard with stakes and string. You cant have your crazy homeowner neighbors kicked out either.

Out of all of my looking, I've only found a few places, that *gasp* take pets. The first one was comparable to where I live now. A fourplex, garage, 2 bedroom, 3 floors, pets, 4 miles from work....wait for it....$975 a month. Now, I live in a bubble here in my little corner of the world, so I dunno bout ya'll's rent, but here, that is insanely overpriced. It wasn't even new!

The second place didn't have any available that took pets. I saw an available apartment, like 1 mile from work, and it was perfect. I think they think you will just get rid of your pets or something. Hello? I don't HAVE to move. I can afford to be picky. Which also doesn't help. Because I have what I want now, if I could only move it. (did I mention my landlord is in New Jersey?)

The third place? Almost sealed the deal. I am currently on my fourth year renting, therefore I can leave with 30 days notice. Meaning, last week when I found a place I thought might be "it" I would have had to have paid my rent, turned in my notice, and moved out in October. But, I had 3 days to make this monumental decision. Yea. Monumental. It was 10 miles from work. Condo-like, fireplace, had a loft, plus 2 bedrooms, washer/dryer (I could sell mine!) secured entrance, the backyard is woods (like now!), garage (it was detached though) and they took a dog and a cat. (yes "a cat"...so I have three more?...) It was still, way smaller than where I am now (1095 sq so I'm thinking I have around 1500?)

This could've been my balcony.

The point is, you got the first month rent free, and the fees were affordable, and while it was almost 300 a month more in rent, I justified that by figuring on cutting my gas in half from the drive, and not paying a trash bill, then it was only 90 more a month. I really struggled with the decision. I mean I make good money, why can't I have a nice new apartment on the east side (its really not the east side, but that's where George and Weezie moved) I felt as though it was safe, and close to the highway, yet secluded, to go to work...NO EXPRESSWAY. Anyway, the whole economy thing made the decision for me. I'm not going anywhere. The second night of indecision all that crap with the bail out thing, and I was like, no way. I hate George Bush. He ruins everything. *siiiiiigh*

The view from the front door.

The loft from the living room.

*enter dream sequence*

One day I'm going to have a big farm house and all my worries will be over. And, I can have as many damn cats as I can afford to feed and care for. And a goat, and a llama, and sheep, and dogs, and bunnies, and even a pig if I want. And I'm even going to have a maid, an ugly one that the man would never go for, but isn't too fat she can still clean the floors. Yes, he can live there too since I'm nuts about him. I'm going to retire and still be madly in love, and able to chase the old man around, since now I'm taking glucosamine and my joints will hold up pretty well.

*end dream sequence*