"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I Live In My Own Reality....

I watched Trans America over the weekend. I didn't expect to like it, but I like Felicity Huffman. I really loved the movie! It was funny and sad all wrapped up in a trans gender burrito! Her parents are the classic dysfunctional role models. She did a super job too, totally believable! Plus, you get to see dick. It's not real, but that isn't the point. We girls normally get screwed out of seeing any naked men. Ok, so it wasn't a man, or a real penis. But you can pretend.

I'm driving on the way to work this morning, I notice another Howard Hanna Smythe Cramer real estate sign. They're everywhere. Popping up all over town, like their taking over the entire real estate business. I notice this one says the agent's tame is Tammy Troup. I swear to God, in that instant that I saw her name, I said to myself "holey shit I wonder if she's related to Gary Troup???" Gary....is a fictional guy, that wrote a real book called 'The Bad Twin' in the TV show Lost. Gary died on flight 815, he didn't make it to the island. But his book did. I'm seriously a lost cause. I watched the finale for the Third time this wknd.

Val at work rocks my socks off, cus she kept the final episode of Prison Break, and she is still old school, and uses that-there contraption called a VCR, and was able to GIVE ME the episode. I finally saw how it ended!

I hate to be hot. Have I mentioned that? I don't do well in the heat. I bitch more than I normally do. I sweat. I hate to sweat. Unless I'm working out, then it's acceptable! I'm enjoying a homeade shaved ice with rootbeer flavor and seltzer water. It's a big old cup, and 40 calories. And it's cold. Cold is gooood!

Well, tonight is indeed, my last night of work at job #2. I am on the verge of panic. My heart is racing. I get sick if I think about it. I fear change. I worked my ass off last night trying to make as much moolah as I could. At job #1 I am proofreading a new catalog. Nothing makes you more sleepy, than reading an entire catalog while looking for errors. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


I'm so happy to be back to work. The first human contact I had, was with an irate customer. Mind you I work in marketing. I'm not trained in customer satisfaction. Customer service transferred the call to me. Assholes. What else sucks about today? Oh yes, my boobs hurt, I'm bloated, bitchy, and it's 100 degrees outside at 8am, plus I'm sore, and tired from sleeping on the air mattress. I'm in an all around foul mood, which is the only word that can properly describe how shitty I feel today! I can't even stand to be in my own skin. Watch out world. I've got PMS, and it's been penned up for 4 months!

It was so hot yesterday, we pumped the air mattress up in the living room so we could watch TV and lay down, w/o having to touch each other. I need to put the A/C in but, it was too freaking hot to even do that!! It's only May! We had a good cross breeze going of hot, humid air. Hecks yea. We slept all night out there. Nothing like sweating your ass off, doing nothing! I waited til 10pm to clean the bunny cage, when it was still freaking hot. Then, I took my second shower of the day. This time, I wore my shower cap.

The party Sunday was alright, there was a bad omen over the weekend, I just knew it. From trying to cook the food the night before til 3 am. Half my potatos didn't cook. Spilling torch fuel all over the kitchen floor. My flat stove top cracked. The fridge shelf kept breaking. Giant Eagle was out of CELERY! My canopy fell apart. I didn't have any $ cus I spent it all on my bunny. I cracked my head on the freezer door. (I got a big lump from that!) It just seemed like everything kept going wrong. I like things to be just "so". I can't stand it when they are not! Cus, if I'm not controlling the world, it might spin off its axis. Or worse.

Canoeing was a lot of fun. There was a sign up. Only seasoned canoers, and no kids. I was scared at first but we kicked ass. The canal wasn't bad at all, it wasnt even moving that fast.
Tayray and Todd biffed it, but that's all they kept talking about wanting to happen, and how they were going to tip everyone else... they just got what they wanted. Being wet with dirty canal water didn't seem fun! Then Tayray soaked me twice, cus I wasn't as wet as her. So everyone got to see my damned underwear. They loved it. The canal is nasty OK? Some people lost their cooler and contents, and Kat and Dave captured a floating Budweiser from the canal. We shared it. The best beer, is beer you work for.

We stayed up until 5:30 am. I havn't stayed up that long since I was a youngin. We had to go inside cus we ran out of wood, we didn't have wood to begin with it was from the woods. If you want something done right.....you know the rest! Then, I've got 25 mosquito bites just on my left foot. I can't begin to count my legs. If anyone has west nile, it's me, and I'll let everyone know how that goes for me. If I weren't so fucking sweet, the bugs wouldn't feast on me.

Yesterday we went to CP's family's house. Where no one really had anything ready for company. We told them everything we bought, that they told us to bring. And when we got there, someone had already bought everything. Hamburger, hot dogs, buns, shit that didn't need to be duplicated! The company (thats us) had to cook the food, and drip buckets of sweat, while everyone was inside in the A/C. They didn't even have beverages!! I left and got us each an individual drink. Damned if I was buying for the whole freaking family! Totally unorganized! When did holidays stop being fun? Ah, another similarity to my mom. She was always such a bitch on holidays. Now I know why.

This morning, Chelsea has a matted eye. The same side as her infected ear. Her culture won't even be going out until today for her tests, so she is on the same eye drops again from last time she went to the vet. I feel for her. The only thing worse than being hot is having a fur coat, a sore ear, and a gooey eye.

Ok, what's good about today, is I'm having watermelon for breakfast. Yum. I have the air in my office at 69, an excellent temperature. I'm alive. And, I have only 2 days left to work 2 jobs. That makes me smile. But only for a second.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Million Dollar Bunny...

Chelsea spent an hour and a half at the vet this morning for her appointment. Turns out that she has a severe ear infection. She never shook her head, scratched her ears, or stopped any normal behavior. She was also at the vet twice last month with upper respiratory problems. This infection came out of nowhere, as she had a physical both times, and I pet her ears daily because it makes her go all dreamy.

The vet got rid of the lump. She drained it into her ear canal, which then had to be drained, and cleaned. She told me that it is very unusual that an infection will show through the skin like that. She has a culture sent out to see what type of infection she has and how to treat it. This cost me, $175. She's worth it, but I was NOT expecting that. She goes back in a week for her test results. Her Dr. said depending on how she responds to the meds, she may have to have minor surgery to drain the ear from the outside.

She is snuggling comfortably with her 'husbun' Boo's. Who has stopped being a jerk to her since her return.

I think I have my spot in heaven reserved. A nice spot, with the countless animals that I have nurtured and loved in my life.

Chelsea is a model bunny as always, and an intern got to learn with her because she is so docile. Much like the time I was an example at the GYN only much less embaressing I'm sure.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Sibling Rivalry...

Well we survived the freaking storms that came through. It was the most awesome display of lightning I had ever seen! At job #2 an alarm kept going off inside the building, a storm alarm. The supervisors weren't sure if we should stop working, and take cover. Tornado warnings all over. On the way home the entire sky kept lighting up. I come home a rural route, and I kept thinking how beautiful it is, I can't wait to get the camera out and record it. Then about 5 minutes from home the rain and wind started, and I could barely drive, and the lightning turned blinding it was so bright you couldn't see! There were several trees down, and you'd have swore it was raining frogs! They were all over the streets! I did avoid hitting them, so far as I know.

I got home and CP is clueless, I said "don't you hear the tornado sirens?" I'm running around like a banshee, collecting cats, to the laundry room. The dog is my shadow, the only time she loves me, in a storm. He's steadily sitting on the computer.Then Tayray called me, "the tornado sirens are going off I'm in the laundry room". It was really a crazy night for weather. Tornados scurr me. I survived a 'wind burst' which might as well be a tornado about 12 years ago. That'll stick with me forever!

Ok, I'm officially sucked into The Lost Experience is anyone else doing this? Only true Losties are. It's like real life. The "employees" of the foundation that are responsible for the island the Losties are on, are now doing interviews, as their characters. This is nuts OK? If you wanna be a cheater like me, let other people figure out the hard stuff, and read it online.

Most of us know what it's like to have a brother or sister. Or in my case, both! I always have to have what my sister has, I always have. Pets aren't any different. Little Hill ('billy') the dog, and Fozzie the cat, are following in my footsteps. The dog has a 'chair' that she spends 99.9% of her life laying on. She has her own blankie and pillow on the chair. Latley, Fozzie has taken an interest in 'the dog's chair'.

It started with laying all stretched out when the dog wasn't around. In those rare instances, when the dog decided, she'd rather beg for food, or actually go outside to pee, or, sleep on our bed. Now, Fozzie is a lover. She loves to cuddle with all the pets. So, she started to jump up and lay on the dog, who will growl at her until she left. If the dog sees the cat in the chair, she will run around the living room (and by run I mean waddle) couch to chair, desperatly looking for an alternate spot. She settles on laying next to the cat, in 'her chair' and growling at her until she leaves.

Then, it turned into a king of the mountain sort of deal. They lay side by side pushing each other. The dog uses her back feet and growls. The cat uses her front feet to smack the dog's face. As if to say "bitch, please, you don' t scare me with that shit". This goes on until the cat finally jumps down.

See why pets are better than kids? I can sit back in good conscience and watch them fight with each other. I don't have to hear the screaming "MOM! She took my chair!" "MOM! She hit me!" "MOM!" Make her stop looking at me!" "MOM! She won't move!" And, no one will call child services on me for watching my pets kick each other, while I laugh. Bonus!

Have a fun weekend. Don't drink and drive! Just drink til you pass out, then you're safe!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pod People Invaded My Fiance....

Firstly, I got a new look. Rachel from Weblog design studio made this template. I'm really happy with it!

Sometimes CP can still suprise me. He does sweet things for me all the time, but usually it's the little things that get to me. For instance, yesterday he called from work, to tell me he found our dream home. (he works in various homes for his job all day)

Me: "Really? Why is that?"

CP: "It has everything you want, and it goes on the market this Friday"

Me: "Everything I want? And what is that...?"

CP: "3 bedrooms one for us, one for the bunnies, and one for the computer. A nice basement, a big fenced in yard with lots of room for you to have a garden, a porch, a big living room, huge kitchen, and a dining room. It's near the woods, and the neighbors aren't real close."

Me: "It sounds perfect, too bad we aren't ready to buy a house"

CP: "I know, I'm thinking ahead, but it's too bad we have to let it slip by, I know you would love it"

There are two reasons this meant a lot to me. One being the fact that he actually thought about buying a house, without me saying anything. CP doesn't tend to be goal oriented. His motto is "you can't take it with you when you go". Mine is "whoever dies with the most money wins".

Two being, that he actually knew everything I wanted in a house. You might think this sounds silly, that your fiance should know that sort of thing. But I never told him. We never talked about it. The only time we've talked 'about buying a house' was to say that I needed enough space to do animal fostering. It showed me, that he really does listen to me. In the most important ways. In passing, I may say I'd love a big kitchen, or a big yard. Or when we are outside I've said I never want to move unless it's near the woods. I just love watching all the birds! But he was able to clump all my wishes up into one house. It melted my heart.

That's not the only reason I think aliens have landed. There is more. He took the trash down to the curb. And brought back the can the very next day. (so, he may have drug it with his car, the point is he did it) I didn't have to ask him. Normally, if I don't ask him, he 'forgets'. My cats knocked a plant over. I was sweeping the floor, and he cleaned all the dirt off the table. He made himself something to eat, and washed the dishes. When he brought all his stuff back from his temporary leave, he put it away.

He has been taking his dishes into the kitchen. Sunday night, he said "it really is just 3 steps". Meaning, the distance from the kitchen counter, to the trash can. He has been cleaning up his swamp after taking a bath. Saturday, the trash was full for a few days, that's his one assigned 'job' the friggin' trash. I didn't say anything. I took the bag out and went to carry it downstairs, and he met me and took it. "I'll take it down" he said. "Thank you for not telling me I forgot to do it".

He pulled some plastic lighting grids out to cover up a plug that broke (so the cats didn't get electricuted cus he is an awesome animal lover like moi) and when he didn't need it, he put it back. On his own. That took the cake. I gave him an odd look.

CP: "What?"

Me: "You put that lighting grid back without me asking you to"

CP: "Well, yea, I got it out didn't I? I should put it back"

Me: "Yes, but normally you'd just leave it for me to put back"

CP: "Maybe if you always gave me positive feedback when I do things, I might do them on my own more often."

I told him not to be offended, but if aliens really did take over his body, they can have it. Cus he is seriously back to making me a happy camper. Like in his pre-drug problem days! I have him back all to myself. I'm not use to being happy so I tend to cause chaos. Cus to me, that is normal. I'm a work in progress.

I'm tired. I only stayed up til 2am, so I could watch the 2 hour finale of Lost....TWICE! So much happened, I couldn't relax. I was yelling at the TV. Will Michael be rescued? Will he end up on the beach? Will he come back? Will Sayid save the day? Will Hurley go crazy after leaving his friends? Will the 'good ones' hurt Sawyer, Kate, and Jack? Did another plane crash during the electromagnetic failure? Is Desmond's girlfriend a goodie or a baddie? I can hardly wait until next season!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm So Sweet, I'll Melt In The Rain...

Happy Hump day!!!! 5 more days at my second job. I can't wait to start the gym. I miss being in shape. Feeling good. I've been sleeping much better, thank you. Cus I have a savings account. Money is everything to me. Mostly.

I did a totally retarded thing. I wore a shower cap in the shower. I say this is totally retarded, as my Momma has one in her shower. This means, I care too much about getting my hair wet when I am not washing it. What's next? Will I cry when I'm splashed in the pool? Vow not to go under water? Complain that my eyelashes will go straight, if they are touched by water? Another factor in the universal plan to turn me into my mother.

In my own defense, the shower cap was a freebie from the hotel when we saw Edwin. I took it home just in case. I usually only shower, with the dog. Otherwise, I prefer baths. Sometimes you are just in a rush I guess. The true test, will be this weekend. A group of us are going canoeing. Tayray thinks she is going to tip my canoe. She must not care that there are alligators in the canal. (really it's just dead bodies) That's one of the lies my parents told me growing up. I'm not 100% sure that I don't believe it either. Besides, I know where that hooch-ass lives! I know she hates clowns.

We're having a friendly get-together. I'm making potato salad, and maybe baked spagetti. Of course I have a billion things to get done, but it'll be worth it. I'm making mojitos. For me. I don't care what the rest of those fools drink. And they besta step off! I planted my own mint, which has inspired me to become an alchoholic. I got a recipe from a lady at work, you make the sugar part and leave it in the fridge. Whenever you want a drink it's ready. Rum's my fav-o-rite! Why not. It's good enough for Jack Sparrow. mmmm Johnny Depp.

I banged my head this weekend. Not in the Quiet Riot "bang your head, wake the dead" way either. I did it while gardening. Who knew it was so dangerous? That rose of sharon bush fully attacked my forehead. I have maybe 3 little scratches, but it's the underneath that freaking hurts like a mofo! Anyone watch House? Euw! Popping eyeballs and exploding nutsacks, aren't what you wanna see after eating! CP made us yummy flatbread pizzas. Cus he's da bomb!

I spent 1 1/2 hour planting my pots up in the garage. I dunno what half the stuff is or the color. We get starter plants, and no tags. They get mixed up. Usually I stick within the same color scheme, this year I was a little daring. I got red, and tangerine calibrachoa's. I made some nice combo pots and hanging baskets. I got tons of different stuff. Yesterday was our employee plant day. Free. Be jealous!

All hail the season finale of Lost is tonight!!!! Desmond is back! We find out that the magnetic force pulled the plane to the island cus Desmond forgot to push the button. That is my theory anyways. Don't get your panties in a bunch.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Mars and Venus Again...

I like to think that I have a level head on my shoulders. But sometimes I too, fall prey to things that say, if a man did them, I would think were stupid. I tend to call it women's logic. Most often I find myself spending more money to save some money.

I recently got a coupon for $25 off at a clothing store, if I spent $50. The stupid part comes in when I tell you that I had a really hard time coming up with enough things that I liked to get to $50. Instead of saving money altogether, I bought a pair of underwear, for $16.50. One singular pair of drawers, for $16.50. There is nothing special about them. They're boy shorts, but underwear nonetheless. I normally spend $25 for 5 pair, at Victoria's Secret. This is clearly a better deal. I think that only women, can make it seem logical to spend money, to save money.

Which leads me to ask, who hides things they buy from their men? "What, this old thing? I've had it forever!" I have done it. Beause CP blows his extra money on stupid shit, and I save mine, so I can buy, like, a $16 pair of underwear. (it really sounds stupid to me too!) I feel like I can't spend money for some reason. I work 2 jobs, and my bills are paid, yet, I am one of 'those women' who hides her purchases!

Men and women are so different, and it makes no sense why we are suppose to be together. I think gay people might have it right. But, while I think Carmen Electra, and Shakira are hot, they don't turn me on. As a women I can appreciate beauty when I see it. Who does it for me.... I'm an Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Edwin McCain kinda gal! Scruffy, rough hands, sweaty..MEN.

I do have a Point. They did a MRI study of men and women on Strictly Sex, when each were shown various images, including sexually graphic ones a.k.a porn. Men were turned on by, and stored into memory, the porn. They had a threat response, to pictures they were shown of other 'buff' men.
The women in the study were also turned on by the sexy photos, but were not threatened by the pictures of women. I think this goes to show that women are just as sexual as men. But good little girls never show it.

This led to a girl discussion as to why we are so different then men. Our brains are so similar, how are we SO different in our thinking? We don't have the answers. But why do we care, the tone a man uses when talking to us? Why he left the seat up, is he trying to tell me something? Where is he, and why didn't he call? He told me he was tired, what do you think that meant? We as women spend a lot of time trying to figure men out, when I think the secret is, there isn't much to figure out. Their pretty simple creatures. They usually say what they mean, and mean what they say.

We are introspective. We analyze things. So, we assume men do the same thing. Truth is, usually when a man says he is tired, he is just that, tired. It doesn't mean he is mad, or not 'in the mood'. He leaves the seat up, because he doesn't think it's important to put it down. (one time falling in may cure him of that!) If I say I'm tired, I expect you to ask me why I'm going to sleep without putting out.

We think we know what they want, because we spend so much time thinking about what they want. Then we get mad at them, for not being mind readers. I suppose this could all be easily cleared up, if we just spoke what was on our mind, but then where is the fun in that?

Monday, May 22, 2006

Laying It On Pretty Thick....

It's still me. New title. Soon to be new template. Same wholesome goodness.....

Sooooo. I forgot my sister's birthday. It was Saturday, the 20th, like it always is. I knew it was this weekend. I just forgot to call her. Saturday I got my mail, and theres my Mom's mothers day card. Returned. No city state or zip was written on the envelope. So, not only did I forget my sister's birthday, my Mom never got her mothers day card!!!! I'm like, scum of the earth! Lowest of the low! My sister told me she'd NEVER forget my birthday. They were on a long drive for this guilt trip! I'M SORRY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Forgive me!

Me and Bubba got lots of plants on Saturday. We got money plants. I'll let you know how that growing money goes. Maybe I won't. Wouldn't want anyone else to infringe on my wealth. I got more mulch, and a window box, and finished up the yard. I'm never really done, so that was a lie. Anyways--I planted an herb garden in my window box, and different mints in a large planter. We'll get some annuals from work this week, and our mums. Then my pots will be planted. It's neverending.

When CP got home, yes HOME (he's back!) on Saturday, we went for a walk. Suprised me, that he wanted to walk with me! We went to get ice cream. I got cake batter, and peanut butter crunch. This place by our house makes the BEST ice cream ever. I made my favorite comfort food meal...meatloaf, mashed potatos, and corn. mmmmm I don't eat red meat often at all, so I've been paying for that ever since.

Yesterday Kat came over, and we had time to kill before the walking tour, so....we got ice cream. Same place. It's addictive. I got moosetracks, and peanut butter crunch. Bubba met us to begin what turned out to be a 5 mile trek! There was lots of stopping so it didn't seem like that far at all. After our walk.....we went for ice cream!!!!! Bubba made us go. I did get a milkshake instead, if that makes it any better?

I found a lump on my bunny Chelsea's head between her ear, and her eye. It can't be good, so I spent Sat night crying over it. My other bunny is horrible. Mean. Unfriendly. Confrontational. And Chelsea is the sweetest animal alive. It isn't fair. She'll go to the vet this wknd. Hopefully.

I watched a really good Strictly Sex, that I'll talk about tomorrow!

Has anyone seen Faith? The 2 legged dog? It is the sweetest thing ever. Check her out!!! If you're an animal person, it might move you to tears!!! It really made me rethink the whole quality of life issue.

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER! who's lucky I'm not adding her age to the wishes.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Here's My 10 cents, My 2 Cents is Free....

Ok, now the over-sensetivity of the world has gone too far. I'm jamming to the radio, and they went and jacked up "I'm in love with a stripper".

It's now "I'm in love with a DANCER". Ohhhhhh, cus, it's the same thing!?

I get that they change songs for the sake of the little kiddies or whatever, but kids know, they aren't stupid, they download the shit!!! I don't think real dancers, "bob" and "roll" and "grind that pole".

I think the Pussycat Dolls got it right, just name the song Beep. And leave blanks in where the 'bad' words would go. Then they don't mess your shit up on the radio! Plus, it's also more fun while drinking, to make up meanings to the pauses. Note the endless possiblities:

I don't give a (bleep) keep lookin' at my (beep) cus it don't mean a thang if you're lookin at my (beep) ima do my thang while your playin with your (beep)

Hey.."What's the uncensored version of beep? "

"Ummmm....I think it's beep"

Brace yourselves, because this weekend, I am cleaning out my garage. It's Ok to be jealous. I'd even give up the fun for someone else, if they asked nicely...any takers? I'm also finishing up my mulching, and going to a plant sale with Bubba bright and early Saturday morning. Plants for a buck! What would you do??? And Sunday I'm going on a walk with Kat. (as long as she doesn't stay home to do laundry that is! *ahem*)

The Goodyear Blimp hanger caught on fire yesterday. It was big news around here. It's a landmark for us. They don't know how it caught fire yet, but it only made it throught the outside layer. My dad worked for Lockheed Martin (formerly Loral, Formerly Goodyear Aerospace) as a pipe fitter when he was alive. He was also on the fire brigade there. We got to go inside for family day. I expected the blimp to be blown up inside of it, cus it's that big, and that shape. The place has it's own atmosphere. I work about 2 miles past the hanger, but the fire was out when I went to work. Story and Pic here. There is also some video. Like I said, big news round here!

I'm taking a poll. (this always reminds me of Truth or Dare when Madonna's taking a poll and her one non-gay dancer is offended thinking she wants him to stick 'a pole' where the sun don't shine)
CP told me that my having a blog is the same thing as him chatting online with babes. I dunno about that...considering it isn't conversation. But I tend to be one sided. So what do you think? Same thing? Yay? Nay? Of course, I expect everyone to agree with me, but you go ahead and tell me what you think. Really.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Jealousy Rears It's Ugly Head...

I've got a myspace. Who doesn't? I got in touch with a lot of people from high school that way. It's amazing who you find there! My CP has had one for months, and he never logs on. Never sends me comments.

For the hell of it, I got on his myspace this week, and there is some chick next to me in his friends list. I thought it was his daughter, but the name was off. I investigate her profile, she's 20. Lives 10 minutes from CP. Wtf??

So, I asked him about her. Calmly at first. Who is she? He didn't know. He said she found him through a myspace search. They chatted at yahoo last Friday night. Not liking that at all, but whatever. She aint got nothin' on me! I eventually logged in as him and sent her msgs to see if I could ignite any incriminating conversation. CP told me that I'm always looking for reasons to get mad at him. Who........ME???? I think if you are engaged to someone that you don't need to be chatting with ladies on the internet like that.

I just blocked her from contacting him, and that's that. It wouldn't be such a big deal if all her postings weren't about fuck buddies, her sex life, quizzes about how much you wanna do her etc.... Needless to say he saw the little person inside I call the jealous me. I don't let her out often, and this is why. She's dangerous! And maybe a little unstable! But, if the shoe were on the other foot hed be ticked off at me!

Looong story. So we were talking at 12:30, long after all this crap went on, and it came up again. I got mad and ended up hanging up on him, and turning the phone off. Cus, I'm a mature 30 year old adult! I'm laying in bed thinking, cus I don't sleep you know...and I just asked for a sign. I needed to know if I was making a big deal out of nothing, if CP was who I should be with. I swear on all that is holey, that right at that moment, my doorbell rang!!!!

It was CP. I was pretty happy because the timing was perfect. We had some sex, and snuggling, and everything is peas and carrots again. Things have been broccoli and cauliflower for a few weeks. Sure, they are OK together, but they just aren't as sweet, and yummy as peas and carrots! Once we got to sleep, I slept.

I SLEPT! I blame it all on CP moving away from me!
Don't get me started about Lost last night! I have it all figured out but I'll not bore everyone with it! Did any fans catch the hanso foundation/Jeep commercial? I almost missed it w/tivo but I rewound. The website they give out is www.letyourcompassguideyou.com I havn't gotten into any of the files yet. Access denied. There was also a 1800 number given out. I love the show cus it's like bleeding into real life!!!!!!!!! This site translated all the info on the phone call.
There was an ad also run in major newspapers, from a 'fake person' but real in the Lost world, talking about how that book Sawyer was reading 'The Bad Twin' shouldn't be believed.
Have I mentioned lately, that this show fucking rocks????? Kthanks!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Happy Blog-versary to Me!...

myspace, glitter graphics

It's been a whole year since I started my little bloggiepoo! This is my 460th post. Which to you fellow math genius's...means I am an avid blogger. Cus, I friggin rock! What class! What dedication! What sitting on the edge of your seat reading? Ok, so the last one was a stretch, but at least I've stuck with it! Nothing sucks more than visiting a favorite blog and it's gone. Or the person you read just decides to quit!! You really do get attached to your blog friends! I also think TV is real life, so sue me!

A year ago the topic at hand was dating. How you meet people these days. I was trying out the online dating thing. I never got anything but guys who wanted to jerk it while talking to me. Have a nice conversation, they butter you up....then you get...'wanna cyber?' I'm proud to say that I'm a cyber virgin, and I plan to stay that way.

I had also had a break up last March so that was still what I was talking about then. TWDSO. The 4 year relationship that went absolutely nowhere. You know you go through that shit, and think you have your life back on track, and along comes another man to change it up for you! I met CP in June, and here we are. A year later, I'm engaged. We're still together, living separately. Though, lately, we've been discussing moving back in together. I know everyone has issues, but I clearly have enough to go around. I don't need anyone else's. Right?

I am having a terrible time opening up and allowing myself to be loved. Being shit on does that to you. I took a big risk with CP. And, he lied to me. I really can't get past it, and I don't know how. I'm also a control freak. If I can't control it, I don't want to be a part of it. I'm also a workaholic. I dunno what I'll do without 2 jobs to distract me from my own personal demons! I'm still reading a lot about buddhism. I'm still liking this more than any other religion thus far. It makes the most sense to me, and anything that will help me to be more spiritual is a good thing, so I'll take it. Only having 1 job will allow so much more time for me to deal with the reality that is my life. I can't blame everything on work. I'll also have more time to be with CP. Let's see if I can drive him even more crazy? My M.O. is to drive guys away, you know, before they can hurt me. So, I still get hurt, only it's my idea, and I can say "I told you so". Then I'm right. Control issues, see?

(Crazy, lost talk to follow....spoilers)

Tonight, LOST is on!!!! Much will be revealed at the end of the season, in Entertainment Weekly, they said we will find out why the plane crashed. What secret Desmond has. And why they have to push the button. They also dispelled a lot of theories w/the producers. It's NOT a dream, and it's NOT purgatory. There were others that they didn't confirm nor deny. I still think it's a government experiment. They said we still won't find out why Walt was taken by the others. But a new threat to the losties will be revealed. They said that thy realized they lost a lot of viewers with Michelle Rodriguez cast on the show. They killed poor Libby cus the death of Michelle wouldn't have an impact on us...cus no one liked her. Libby will be back in Desmond's flashbacks. They also want to maybe put Lost on in 3 chunks a season like a mini series. They can't figure out how to get 22 episodes into 35 weeks. I am only a marketing assistant...but my guess would be, MAKE MORE EPISODES?? Make us all happy! That's all you get. Go get your own magazine!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I Like a Side of Toast With My Bullshit....

I think at this point, the only thing that would make me stop itching, is to rub my arms with sandpaper, and let them scab over. Since scabs tend to itch, I'd have to pour bleach on top of that, to make it hurt too much to scratch. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's beyond me. It started like, three weeks ago! I got what I thought was poison ivy. I get it each year, this time just on my hands. Then my arms started itching. I thought it was poison ivy the first week. But it never developed those blister thingys. I itched to the point I have scabs on my arms. So I just itch those off! I've tried everything.

The calamine lotion I used expired in 1997!!!! Nice, huh? Maybe that was it?? Add on to that the fact that I don't sleep anymore, and you have the perfect recipe for one crazy chick!!!!! I'm like a ticking time bomb. I pity da fool who finally sets me off! I was up at 1am. 2am. 3am. 3:30 am I finally got up out of bed. It gets to the point where I know I have to sleep so I can't. Everything bothers me. I breathe wrong, and I'm up. My pillows have to be just so. Blankets, perfect. Hair out of the way.

I can't take my trazadone, cus I can't wake up in the morning. I've done 1/4 pill, 1/2 pill, 1 25mg pill, 1 50 mg pill. I still don't sleep. I have no problem sleeping on the weekend. It's performance anxiety. Now I know how men feel. And I think I'd still rather have this, than PMS. I think I have a legitimate case of insomnia. I have to take mini thins to stay awake, coffee, and pop has ceased working. It's a viscious cycle. Drugs to stay awake. Drugs to sleep. More drugs to stay awake. More to stay awake. Now, I can't sleep. Even if I stop taking the Mini thins, and suffer through falling asleep with my eyes open at job #2. As soon as I get home. Poof! Wide awake. I can't relax. I have too much to do. I need a vacation from my problems! Wouldn't that be nice??

11 more days of working my second job. Just 11. That also means 12 days til I'm on vacation. Sweet vacation. With no work. It's been 17 months since I have had a vacation from both jobs. I have always had to go to work at night! I get 3 weeks vacation, and they were all wasted last year. I kinda asked my supervisor if I could stay. I'm really super worried about the money thing. I make half of my job #1 salary at job #2. It's a significant drop in my income to quit. Doesn't look good for me on the job front. What's done is done.

Anyone catch the pres-o-dent's speal last night? I did only because it interrupted my talk radio station. I'll say this much, he talked a good talk. That's the first and only time you'll hear that out of me. If he would only stick to what he said. And not have told everyone to flee to America before he gets his bill passed, that would be another thing. But I think we all know the truth is, none of what he said will happen. It's fine n dandy for people to become citizens in my opinion. But I work 2 jobs. I am sleep deprived. I struggle to support myself and my pets. I pay my taxes. And...I STILL OWE $600 IN TAXES!! You bet your ass they are taxing me more, by having filed an extension. And, that's what gets me about the whole illegal alien thing. Taxes. We have to pay out the ass, while some have to pay nothing. Fair is fair. Nevermind the thousands of homeless American citizens we have already, but can't ever seem to help. He just wanted to save face, even if only for 1 night. Is it time for him to be done with his term yet? Gawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Invasion? Anyone? All the freaking aliens are coming, and the military is making people get attacked??? aaaaaargh

Monday, May 15, 2006

Rain Rain Go away....

Here we are. Monday. Rain. What a way to set the tone for the week. It's been raining for days now. All's you hear is "we need the rain". Why? I dunno. So what if the grass dies, it's a friggin weed. I'm perfectly capeable of watering what I want to live. I havn't walked for like 4 days! Sure, I own a treadmill, but it's just not the same. I don't have a TV near the treadmill, and watching the wall is so......boring! Walking gets you somewhere. So the Woman's Challenge started yesterday. I'm sad to say I only got 4,200 steps in. That's only cus I cleaned. Stop wishing all this rain on us m'kay?

Exhibit A.

The bunny condo

I stayed up all night Friday cleaning. I got the genius idea to remove all the carpet peices from my rabbit condo levels. It's been 2 years and never cleaned, so why not? My bunny was sick, so it's probably a good idea. I had them all zip tied to the grate shelving. Note in above picture. Also note, there is another section to this condo that is 2x2 ft and 2 levels. It was a task. When I opened the washer, they were just like peices of cloth. All the freaking backing washed off!!!! Aint that a bitch??? So I couldn't put the carpet back on! Bunnies can't hop on shelving with 2 inch holes either! I put towels on there, and headed to Home Depot for some linoleum, and carpet remnants. I got the linoleum, the carpet remnants were too big, and therefore too expensive. So I stuck tile on the shelves. Bunnies have furry paws and they slid they weren't having it! They have 4 levels so I couldnt leave that or they'd biff it, and no one wants to see a bunny biff it! (if you do you're evil!)

The moral of this story is, always have a back up plan! Right now I have towels in their cage, it looks really gay! But it's a project for another day. Definately need to get more carpeting!

Let's see, what else happened? Oh, Kat stood me and Bubba up! We were going to have a fire Saturday, but yes, rain and gloom! So we decided to still get together. Bubba came, and no Kat. We went to the liquer store, no Kat! We called her, oh I'm on my way she said. She was doing laundry on a Saturday night, and cleaning, instead of kicking it with her uber cool girls!!! WTF?
We called her twice more, she stopped answering her phone. Mind you her husband is in Italy, so she could have been dead, right? We packed it up and headed over there at 11pm, rang her bell and here she comes. SHE WAS SLEEPING! How rude! Nevermind the fact that when I called her at 5 to confirm our plans, she was sleeping then too!! Don't ask me what she was up to the night before, but it must have lasted all night long!

We got online and played with myspace. We all met a cool chick named Sam. Kat gave me a bunch of books on buddhism, and we ate her anniversary Godiva. mmm. Anyhoo--Hooch! You'll never live this down!!!! We women remember everything, don't we??

Is anyone else afraid of 6/6/06?? You know he's coming, right? Damien? I saw the previews. Lock your doors! I have to wait until stinking 10pm to watch the end of Grey's Anatomy. Whoever thought of that brilliant idea is a dick! 2 parter? 2 days? I swear to all that is holey if the presidents dumb fucking face interrupts my tivo'd shows there'll be hell to pay! I don't get to watch anything cus of work! (3 wks....almost done!) I cannot believe Izzy killed Denny! And, you know he's gonna die! Dr. Burke? Dead! Christina was being way too cynical about love. Desperate housewives......did Tom cheat, or didn't he? I say he did, cus he's a man, and they think not with their brains!!! Sure, he'll come up with a believable lie, and get Lynette back, cus thats just what they do!

I learned a new catch phrase this wknd. on the View. "Hug it out" when your pissed off! Be prepared for it's usage!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Mr. Goodbody, and Other Fun Memories...

Gather round kiddies we're goin' back. Way back.

Does anyone remember Mr. Goodbody? He popped into my head one day. He wore that body suit of his insides. And it had 2 sides, one showed his muscles, one showed his organs. When he ate, he'd show how it travled through his body by pointing to himself. 16 years later, here I am remembering. He must have been good! I guess he's still traveling around. I bet it isn't long before some uptight bitch reports him for ruining her childs life, because he might as well be 'naked'.

I'm really suprised it was so hard to locate a picture of him. There are some in his infamous suite on his site above. Back when there use to be that way fun website "Yesterdayland" I bet he'd have been on there. Did anyone else love that website? It was like a myspace for your childhood. I had all my favorite 80's shows, fashions, songs, toys, singers, cartoons. And it had PICTURES of them all! This was about 3-4 years back. Someone tried to remake it. It's now called Retroland. But, I can't get it to load.

What shows did I like? Alf, Small Wonder, Silver Spoons, Webster, Mr. Belvedere, Kate & Ally, Just the 10 of Us, Facts of Life, Riptide, Square Pegs!

Remember when Saturday morning, from 8-12 was all about cartoons? The Shirt Tales, Richie Rich, Bugs Bunny, Pound Puppies, Dungeons and Dragons, Kidd Video, Smurfs, Getalong Gang, Wuzzles, Gummi Bears, Snorks, Muppet Babies, Hello Kitty, Pee Wee's Playhouse, Garfield.

I think a lot of kids don't have to use their imagination. Like, we had to make our Barbie car move, now they move on their own. I didn't have one anyways, I had the Sunshine Family van. They were hippies. I think they werea hand-me-down of my sisters. But I did have Barbies. But the sunshine family had eyes that if you squeezed their heads, they would pop out. Relax, they were pegs, I put them back in!

My favorite doll was my friend Becky. You could wash her hair! She didn't talk. I had to make her talk. I learned the future prevention of the west nile virus, with my way cool game, swat the mosquito. Kids today play stuff online. A fun thing for me to do was pretend my closet was an elevator. Herself the elf, I even had crayons shaped like her! Fashion plates, were cool. The backs of the clothe plates even had different textures to make the clothes have patterns. Those are real toys! I got a Hello Kitty fashion plate set recently. It's pretty generic!

Know what they had at Old Navy? Flowered jeans. Yep. I sported a white pair with pink and blue flowers. And a black pair with dark flowers. Bitchin dudes! They also had those terry cloth one peice jumpers that have a halter top. My mom always wore one. Gay. I never thought this would happen to me. Fashions coming back. I never thought any of the fashions from my day were particularly cool. Tapered jeans? High top sneakers? Of course, if the high tops had velcro, you had to not use it, and attach it back on itself, that was the cool thing to do.

This is a fun website if your into re-living the 80's too!

What's your favorite childhood memories?

(In your face Chris Daughtry haters, my boy's movin onnnnn!!!)

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Shower Songs...

We all know that Tayray is my next door neighbor. I can hear what goes on in her bathroom, and she in mine. I still catch myself singing in the shower, though she has yet to comment on that. What she did hear is me talking to my dog. She didn't know 'what the hell was going on over there' one day. So, I shower with my dog. I'm out. I've said it. She's just a little Shih Tzu, and she doesn't take up much space. I let her shampoo sit while I do my business, then I rinse her. She has seborreah (among a billion other things!) so she has to sit. Getting a dog to sit shampoo'd in the tub isn't easy. Unless you are in there with her.

And so, yes, I talk to her. I tell her she's a good little Billy-butt! And say how pretty she looks! I say things like 'Mommies little billy is a good girrrrrrrrrrrl' .....and Tayray thought there was some kind of hanky panky going on with CP. Nice. I'm not that kinky.

Tayray said one of our new neighbors' kid was outside asking her 20 questions the other day. Wanting her to take Rocky Road (her dog) out to play. I guess this is what I get to look forward to when I quit the second job. Nosey neighbors. I will most definately need to get a 'Beware of Dog' sign posted. Little Hill may be small, but she is a mean sum-bitch! She particularly dislikes kids. I can't imagine where she got that from. She bites. The last thing I need is for her to bite a kid and have to put her to sleep.

I didn't walk on lunch yesterday. I wore a skirt. Didn't want to go commando. Plus I had to get rabbit food, 2 towns over, which is a haul. I stopped in my brother's friends restaurant for a salad, which he gave me for free cha-ching! And to see my brother, of course. They have the best salad cus it's shredded lettuce. Everyone should use it. You can have lettuce, chicken, olive, and green pepper all in one manageable bite, vs trying to shove an entire lettuce leaf in your mouth, and act lady-like. More Showers last night. So I didn't walk. I got a bunch of plants on Monday from work, so I spent the night potting flowers, and planting them. In the rain. In the dark. God, it will be so nice to have time to do those things, just no money to do it.

Well my Momma got a new job with my sister. It's good for her, no more cleaning up old people shit, and cleaning greasy desks, and having to do the work of 5 people. Let's face it, she's not getting any younger. So, it's a good move for her. Unfortunatly, those jerks aren't coming to visit me now til much later in the summer. *Sigh* Poor me. No family vacation. I dunno what I'm going to do yet with my time off. I am kinda upset that I quit job 2 early for no reason, but I'll be a happier person.....let's hope!

Good news! The crazy man that escaped the mental hospital a town over, turned himself in. They wouldn't announce to the public if he was dangerous. Which undoubtedly means he was! He was out for a few days!!! Tayray will appreciate my not telling her this!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Fat arms, a Hard Butt and Useless Advice....

There's some local old fart, 85, who killed a litter of kittens. He drowned them, because he didn't want that many cats, they were his daughter-in-laws cats. Just because he is OLD and he thought there was nothing wrong with it, he isn't getting in any trouble. Huh? "Back in my day that was what we did" at least, I think thats what the fucker said, you can't understand him. He's knocking on deaths door. Maybe someone outta drown him, and put him out of his misery. I know some animals get destroyed at the shelter, but their humanly euthanized. I know the county I live in has a nice shelter. Summit counties' is under constant scrutiny. I wish I could save all those poor babies.

I had a 2 mile trek on my lunch break yesterday. I took a rough route with a lot of friggin hills boy my butt was feelin' it! I got to go longer/further solo. My friend went to get an oil change. Slacker. Then I walked to the library after job #2 to return books, that was 1.38 miles. Little Billy went and she was happy. She feels better. I think she probably ate something out of the trash. That's her M.O. Eating shit, and costing me a fortune at the vet. I think it's about time I start back up with weights. My fat arms are annoying the crap out of me. I feel like Randy from a Xmas story. I can't put my arms down!!!! Plus, I don't want them to jiggle when I'm old. I'm already whipping my booty back into shape! Use to be hard as a rock, it's getting there.

Guess what? In 14 days I'll be on my last day of job #2. Guess what else? My Momma and sissy are coming to stay with me that weekend for a week!!!! CP is cleaning our carpets and couches today! Yay!

I heard this on talk radio last night, parents are trying to ban running on recess at school. Kids can get hurt doing it. And tag, it promotes fighting. I feel really sorry for my friends with kids. Cus that generation is going to be a bunch of prisses, and pusses! They aren't allowed to do anything anymore. Good luck making it in the real world. Where people tell on you, lie to you, stab you in the back, run, drive cars, eat sugar, solve problems, and wear whatever the hell they want.

Shit, when I was in grade school, I remember the most fucked up thing they did to us was install this gay ass traffic light! When the damn thing was on green, we could talk. If it turned yellow, everyone sshhhhhhhh'd each other, cus if it went to red, we had to be quiet for like 5 minutes or something. On our lunch break! Remember that guys? Stupid! Is anyone else afraid that the kids are being sissified these days?????

My question is finally featured in Useless advice from useless men. Mine's titled 'Freaky In a Bed of Korn'.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Dreaming, and Sleep Deprivation....

I don't remember the last time I had a good nights rest. Oh, yes I do....about 3 weeks ago. I can't stand not sleeping. It isn't that I'm not tired. I'm exhausted. But I get home and my mind starts racing. That's why I was on drugs before, to stop the mind from thinking about everything other than sleep. How I have a million things to do, and no time to do it. It's awful. I'm cranky, and irritable. And frustrated! I can't really take any of my sleep meds, cus I work too late. But I took one last night. 2 hours later. I'm wide eyed and bitchy. I swear I have performance anxiety. I can't sleep. I have to, so that makes it harder!

I'm not myself. CP told me to make lists of what I'm thinking about and he will do them for me, just go to sleep he said. Well, then I worry that he won't do the stuff on the list, or wont do it right. Then I feel guilty for not spending time with my pets. I'm worried that I won't have money quitting my second job. I worry what will happen if CP loses his job. Or, leaves me. I can't depend on other people. It's not me. That's why I got 2 jobs in the first place. I am scared to death. I can't explain it any more clearly! So, I have trouble sleeping.

I also havn't had my period in 3 months. I think it's inevitable that I have to get back on the pill. Which I hate. Cus my Dr. told me I have to stop smoking in the next few years or she won't prescribe them to me anymore. Nothing like blackmail. No, I'm not having a crappy child, it's impossible for 'us' to do that. Not that I miss having it, but I'm convinced that is why I feel like I'm in a state of PMS all the time. And, what exactly happens to all that womanly business, if it isn't coming out? It kinda freaks me out!

My nerves are shot! my stomach is a mess. I can't eat without crapping. I can't sit without my heart racing. I can't barely do my job, worrying about quitting the second one. Who knew? I know it'll be wonderful having more time for myself. But the money....ugh. The money scares me. What if I get fired from job 1? It could happen. Then, I feel sick from crapping so much. I sorta feel like I have a stomach virus. Bird flu???? I'm only 30, could it really be time to put me out to pasture????

I had a crazy dream Sunday. It was 3 dreams I woke up from it 3 times, but had related dreams when I went back to sleep. CP had been hiding a bunch of kinky sex shit that he was into from me. Stuff I don't already know about. And one night he wanted to dress up like a woman. It freaked me out. He actually wanted to kill me, and I fled to my friend Kat's house. She lived on a farm. There were tons of lop-eared bunnies on the farm. It seemed safe. When I went back to sleep the second time, it was about me running from him. He was afraid I'd tell people his plans for me. He wanted me to love him despite all the weird sex shit.

The third time I went to sleep I dreamt that he told me he was kidding about all that weird stuff, and just wanted us to do the dew. So, I was all for it. Halfway through, 2 other girls came out of the CLOSET! One of them was my friend KAT!!! I was out of there!

I told CP and he thought it was funny cus he has a hard time keeping up with me let alone 3 women. Then the next day in real life Kat is asking me stuff about threesomes. I said thats freaky cus I dreamt you were in on a foursome with us!!!!!!! Dreams are crazy fucking things.

Do you have any re-curring dreams? I always dream about my teeth falling out. Vividly. I can feel the rough edge of my tooth as it loosens, and tongue at it like you did when you were a kid. I can taste the blood in my mouth. It starts with 1 or 2 teeth. But then I am usually spitting out mouthfuls of teeth into my hands, with a lot of blood. I'm always curious in my dream, as to why my teeth are falling out. It makes me cry. I usually lose the front ones first. Clearly I'm afraid of the dentist. But i've found different meanings for this dream. The only one that seems to match is fear of losing control. That's me alright!!!!

Monday, May 08, 2006


Yea, I didn't have my camera. Taken by fellow Edhead, Karen from our fan group. Had I known Ice Cube was gonna be there the next day, I totally would've gone!!

Coming Down....

I'm just coming down from the weekends festivities. My Edwin high. Friday night I went out. Like, to an actual bar, that wasn't the Beir Haus. I met Bubba and CP at On Tap for Karaoke. I didn't sing of course, I was out of my element. CP did. We only stayed a couple of hours. When we got home, we broke in the hood of CP's car. Yea, I said it! It's about time I got some semi-public action, it's almost been a year for us. Luckily Tayray was out still, and the other neighbors have kids. No lights on!

Saturday I sent CP away a few hours I had stuff to do for our evening at the hotel. I got us a picinic and made all the food up for us. I was sidetracked too, cus Edwin was on the radio, raising money for the Animal Protective League. See why we are so destined to be together? So I was stuck in my car for an hour. He sang live, and talked about saving the animals. *swoon*

I sucessfully tricked CP, since he had never been to the House of Blues before, it was easy. I told him at the hotel that I took a wrong turn, but then he asked if we were staying there. And said he didn't have any clothes or anything. I packed all that stuff. I was on top of things! We had our picinic lunch, and ended up taking a nap, cus we're freaking old. We slept until 7 and left shortly after. Of course there were TWO opening acts. Which is always the case, when you think you may have just got there on time to see the hottie. We were suppose to meet some fans but we got there late, and the one girl said she had a sign, but I didn't see a sign!

We were about 4 people back from the stage. Which is awesome! They put on a really great show. CP danced with me to "I'll Be" it was romantic. A huge change from my previous company at Edwin Concerts. The shining moment of the night was that CP got me a guitar pic. After I had just said they neeeever throw them near me! It's way cool, it looks just like their new album cover, and of course it says EDWIN! CP held my purse for me. Yes, he did. He put it on his arm for a while, then he put it under his coat. But two women said he rocked cus of it. Yea, he's pretty thoughtful. It didn't scare him that he was wearing my gucci knock off purse!

I had to explain the proper concert etiquette to CP. Which was to stay close, I was moving up to the front. From this point on (when we got our prime standing spot) we have to separate, one of us has to stay in this spot at all times. He was all over it. He got the beer. And peed for both of us! I didn't make it the whole time, and he started to sing 'Sign on the Door' which is my theme song in life. I ran back. After having to wipe with a toilet seat cover OUCH, (no TP, no time to mess around!) and not washing my hands. I'd sacrifice anything for that man! I called my sister as is customary. She didn't answer so I let him sing on her VM.

The only bad thing about it is that about 50 people had their digital cameras. Mine? Was in the trunk of CP's car. He took it to the bar Friday. I knew I'd forget the fucking thing. No edwin videos or pics to post. Better luck next time!!!!!

It only took us about 7 minutes to get to the hotel. (I live 50 min from Cleveland) We popped the champagne and had a private celebration. You know, I'll admit it was nice to not have a dog growling and snorting while you are trying to get it on. Or have to pick cat hairs out of our mouths. I did miss the little babies though. I was up til 3am, and didn't sleep more than an hour at a time. We got our free breakfast the next morning. I was exhausted! We headed home and got some mulch. I mulched my flower beds, and CP sat with me. We both observed the birds, which I have now decided isn't something that makes me old. Thankyouverymuch! The newest birds looked like blue jays but more gray, maybe female blue jays? One that looks like an oriel, and finches! Yellow finches, its the first time I've seen them at my house this year!

There is also a chipmunk who comes to fill his cheeks up with seeds, and a big brown rabbit!!! I decided I'm never moving unless I can have a house near the woods. I love all the nature! It's so peaceful to sit out in the sun and listen to all the different bird songs.

Back to reality. Blah. 16 working days of job 2 left. Which figures cus when we got home Billy was sick. She wouldn't move. She wouldn't even eat CHEESE. Her favorite thing in the universe. Tayray watched the pets for me, she said she was like that Saturday night too. Kids!! So I made her rice and boiled chicken. CP offered to go get beef for her. I remember when the dog was sick at TWDSO house, how pissed he got that I made food for the dog. "I can't believe your cooking for the dog and not me" maybe the dog isn't an asshole. Cha ching! So we'll see how the dog does. She has bad allergies, and it is allergy season. And she's eating and drinking. I'll wait it out. It just figures that she'd get sick, since I'm quitting my second job. Scared. To. Death

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wonder-Fans Powers..UNITE!...

I TURNED IN MY NOTICE AT JOB #2!!!!!!!! It's 100% official! My last day is May 31. Scared. Excited. My supervisor did not want me to quit. I don't want to either. If I got any time off there whatsoever, I'd work there forever. Or, at least another year. But not having time off once in a while without getting penalized, is bullshit.

I havn't slept for days. I've slept. But I am exhausted, and can't fall asleep. It's so frustrating! If I had kids, I'd have killed them. I can't not sleep. I even shut my CATS out of the room. That's big business! It's that bad! I have even tried the, vibrator. While it was relaxing, it still didn't put me to sleep. It made me more exhausted. (and mellow!)

Be jealous, and wish me luck! I'm off to see my honey bunny tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorroooowwww. Can ya tell I'm excited? huh? huh?

I will never get over the power of the internet! The people that you meet, or things you get to see or learn, because we are all so easily connected!!

I belong to an Edwin fan group (I know it's shocking!) and the people going to the Cleveland show are going to meet up before the concert for dinner! From all over! How fun is that? Pretty damn fun!

I also got a hotel room for me and CP as a suprise. He just thinks we're hanging with Edwin fans all day. I love suprises! I'm packing his stuff in secret, and not telling him until we're at the hotel. It's been so long since I have booked a hotel. $60 use to be the middle rate. Now, it's the dirt cheap sleazy no-tel mo-tel rate! My how times have changed. How do people afford vacations? If I didn't have family somewhere, I'd never get to go!!

In hopes that we again get to meet the great Edwin McCain. I'll recap our first meeting. It was a free concert 2 years ago in Akron, for a local DJ's birthday. There were a lot of different bands there, at a hotel parking lot. Canned beer. Lots of canned beer. Me and Bubba pushed our way to the front to see my baby, and the entire time got shit from some stupid bitches behind us, that were jealous that they didn't have the balls to push THEIR way in front! I had to pee from the canned beer. I'd like to point out here, to my friend Katie, that I did not piss myself, as I did with Travis Tritt.

Suprisingly my bladder control is better in my old age. Anyhoo, I stood in this massivly long line for the port-o-lets. Bethie was across the street with some friends at a festival, calling on the horn, wanting to meet up with us. I told her that we'd be a while, cus I was going to meet Edwin. She asked if he was there, and I said no, but I was optomistic. When I got done peeing, the fact that I sported my Edwin T-shirt finally paid off! Some guy told me to go behind the stage, Edwin was back there.

EDWIN IS BACK THERE? We ran back in a tissy. There he was. In his infinite cuteness. Chatting to people, like some regular Joe. Luckily Bubba had her camera phone and snapped some pictures. My heart was racing. The canned beer wore off. In came the nerves. That's Edwin. The people who were talking to him (Edwin fans are the motha fucking boooomb!) turned around and said go ahead, and motioned to Edwin. I thought I would faint. My life flashed before my eyes. Edwin.

Me: "I love yer music"
Edwin: "thank you"
Me: "can you sign my t-shirt?"
Edwin: "sure"

It all felt so 'Christmas Story'. (I like the wizard of oz) Then Bubba said she'd take our picture. After Edwin touched me. Yes, he did. The whole time I'm a freaking idiot not able to speak. He put his arm around me. I thought I'd literally die. Die. Yes, I said die! I let someone else have a chance with him. I ran away literally like an idiot on my cell phone. I called my sister. I met Edwin! I met Edwin! I couldn't believe it. Meanwhile, I left Bubba alone with no picture. What did I care? I met my lovemuffin!!!

I did eventually go back, flustered and nervous I was unable to work her camera phone, so a stranger had to do it. I stood and stared at him. Uhh. Edwin.

When he left, I had one more shot to make myself memorable.

I shook his hand.

Me: "See ya July 15 at the HOB in Cleveland"

You know, like we're old friends. Cus, we met and everything. I lived off that high for 2 weeks straight! You couldn't get me to wipe the smile off my face!!!! The shirt he had on in our picture was the shirt he wore to his HOB concert in Myrtle Beach that was filmed for his DVD Tinsel and Tapshoes. So, my germs were somewhere in the fiber of that very shirt.

Final Edwin Lyrics for the week: (I know it saddens you)

They said I couldn't love you and that it would never last
He's just a crazy boy look at his past
And they said I couldn't love you
But that was just a lie I couldn't love you more if I tried.
I don't own any armor
and I might not be that brave
You might be the one I rescue
But I'll be the one you save

Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Nag is a Horse, Right??...

So do you think your guardian angel ages along with you? Cus today I was behind an 80 yr old woman, going 25 in a 45 the whole way to work, sporting the bumper sticker "never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly". Apparently, her angel is old too, and her wings don't work like they use to. I'm so exhausted, I forgot to watch Lost. Me. No Lost. Lost! I forgot! Now, I'm lost about Lost today. WTF is wrong with me? I watched 2 days of American Idol.

The topic came up on the radio, that you are a nag if you did things like, ask your man to do things. Whatever! I view nagging as constantly telling you to do the same thing over and over, cus the man has failed to do said thing the first 15 times you asked him to. What's so hard about flushing a toilet? Or, walking 5 steps (I've counted!) to the trash can to throw something away instead of leaving piles of crap on the counter?

I've read that men think we all hate pretty much everything about them, but we have to pretend not to, until we get them 'hooked'. Then we turn into nags.

My guy, tells me to 'remind' him to do things, cus it doesn't bother him at all. I think it doesn't bother him at all, because he just completely ignores what I ask him to do. It's not like, fix my car, now, faster, do it, hurry up! It's "please turn off the light" "please throw your trash away" "please close the cupboards when you are done" "please clean up the water you got all over the bathroom floor" So, basically he asks me to nag him. This is some sort of tactic that he will be able to throw in my face 10 years from now. "You always nag me." I can hear it now.

Things that, to me, seem like common sense. How is it a woman's fault, if we simply know the right way to act? What would men do without us? They're content to live in squaller, in dirty underwear, with long scratchy toenails, and try to be seen from mars with all the lights on in the house.

One thing my counselor told me that I found to be true, is that men have an internal clock. When you ask them to do something, the clock starts. He automatically will not do what you asked him, for at least 30 minutes. If you ask him again before then, that resets the clock, and costs 10 more minutes, and so on.

So, in conclusion, while most men do not like cats, they have very similar personalities. Cats only do what they want, whenever they feel like doing it. So do men. If you tell a cat to come here, it will wait about 10 minutes, or until you have on something black, then crawl up on your lap and mess up your clean clothes. Men will always initiate sex when you just fixed your hair and make up. They hate being scolded, and you can train them pretty easily with the right food. You can too easily hurt a man's ego, and you can get him to do pretty much anything, if you give up the poo-tang!

We're in luck ladies. The book I'm listening to now "Are Men Necessary" proves, that in about 100 or so years, men may be extinct. We are the reproducers. While men can't make it without us, we can make it with a few of them, or even just their sperm on ice. Women can only have so many babies, but men, can produce enough sperm to father a country. Just one! Ya better watch it boys!!!

CP got me a really sweet card yesterday. Just cus. Which is always the BEST reason. I have a 3 hour meeting today on the re-design of our website. Three. Hours.

In honor of seeing Edwin in TWO days..

She got a brand new lease on an Escalade and a bumper sticker bout a whale to save
And she's burnin up gas like they gave it away, at least her kid's on the honor roll
She got a handful of pills to improve her mood, liposuction, big, fake boobs
She got a Mexican maid that brings the food to the birdcage made of gold
Yes, we're lost in America this land we're so proud of
We got the cars, the girls, the money, the drugs to get you out of your rut
Yes, we're lost in America

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Healing Hands...

When I tell people I don't want kids, they look at me as if I'm crazy. Like I'm not in on the great purpose in life. I don't have that urge, or instinct like most women. I don't relate well to kids. I don't have the desire to hold babies, or play with kids.

I get animals. They are my kids.

I have always wanted to do something with animals. I can't be a vet cus that's the good and the bad. And, lot's of school. (a.k.a math & science are harrrrrd) I don't have the money to start a rescue. I don't have the space to be a foster. What I keep coming back to, is Reiki. It's very interesting, I keep reading up on it, and how you can use it to heal animals. The classes are pretty expensive, but I keep getting the idea to take them. I think something is there. It's something I can do in my spare time. Something I'd enjoy.

Then this week my sister sent me a card out of the blue that is an Edgar Cayce quote from one of his readings. "The greatest service to God is service to his creatures" I told her it's a sign!!

I believe you can communicate with animals. Anyone can. I didn't really think about it until my precious (Fizzgig) was sick years ago, and it bonded us. I spent a lot of time laying on the floor with her, petting her, talking to her. You can feel an energy transfer between you when you open yourself up to it. Ever since then, we've had a special bond. We understand each other.

I know I've done the same recently with Chelsea, the bunny. And with bunnies, you can do the silly head toss that they do, and if you're lucky, they'll do it back. When I do it to mine, she does it back, and hops up to give me bunny kisses.

I also talk to my pets with a pendulum. You have to ask permission to talk to them, and to show you a yes, and then a no. If they don't feel like talking to you, they wont. My dog pretty much hates me unless its storming, then she is my best friend. She wont come to me when I call her, she'll go to CP (or anyone else that is there). She doesn't like me. If I pick her up and make her sit with me, she'll leave. I havn't asked the right question yet, to find out why she doesn't like me. But when I ask her to talk to me, she will sit on the floor and put her head on my leg and stay there on her own, until we're done.

What is rewarding to me, is a cat sleeping on my pillow, with a paw on my face. When I move the paw, it goes right back. So, I leave it. A bunny hopping up to me, and stretching to the floor, asking me to pet her. A dog, scratching on the door when she hears my car in the garage, jumping and wagging her tail the minute I'm in the door.

I think the world needs both kinds of people. Animal people, and people people. Someone has to do both services, and it shouldn't be seen as a flaw in one's character.

Pics of my furkids Yea, I got 7! Yea, they're way cute!

Little Hill
Tai Ming

Some Edwin Lyrics:

Like a Stone in a stream, life smoothes all our edges til we barely make a ripple anymore. But those times in my life, they will live forever but we're not the same people that we were before. And I'm sorry for the smiles we missed, the times that I blew it. I've got so much to tell you I don't know where to start. Maybe I'll find a way maybe you'll help me through it. Cus friends like us should not be apart. And I'm sorry to a friend.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

From The Corner Of My Mind...

Brokeback Mountain. Gay. As in, stupid! Didn't cry. Didn't laugh. Mostly I cleaned while it was on.

I believe in Karma. Some people call it Gods will. Whatever floats your boat, if you're a dick to someone, beware!!!

I'm listening to a book called "Are Men Necessary" by Maureen Dowd. I'm on CD #2 and so far, they aren't.

I'm one of those people that can hear something like, finding a hair where you shouldn't could mean you have problems with your ovaries, and think I have ovary troubles cus I found a hair where I shouldn't. I probably don't need to watch so much TV.

Quitting the second job scares the shit out of me. I fear change. I don't really have a choice though. Mom and sis are supposedly coming the first week of June, (or I'll be seriously pissed at them) and I get no vacation time. Then, I have a week I'll be off in July for a trade show, for job #1. So I'd end up getting written up anyways for missing too much work. (I wouldn't say I've been missing it Bob) Sad thing is I'm still going to try to stay through June if I can.

In 3 weeks, all of my favorite shows will be over with. Blow out. The real houswives of orange county. Lost. Grey's Anatomy. Desperate housewives. Ghost hunters. What About Brian (which has had like 4 episodes, and it's over!!) What do I have then? Huh? Sure, Tivo will still be busy recording all my daytime shows. But those will be fucking repeats soon! I'll have to let her record things she thinks I'll like. But, I don't like giving up control.

Is it wrong, that I piss CP off just to see if he will put up with it? And get a little rush when he leaves, and comes back? I'd say.. yes. I did that shit with the ex husband. Eventually he didn't come back anymore.

I have the biggest peice of crap sweeper ever. Hoover wind tunnel. 1 year, 2 months old. Doesn't suck for shit. Clogs. Pretty much useless. Don't get one. Not for pet owners.

I Scissor cut my dogs hair, in preparation of clipping her, like usual. Only, the clippers stopped clipping. Now, my dog is forced to walk around with the stupidest haircut ever. I'm such a bad Mom!

When I like something, I over use it, then I lose interest.

I have to make the bed before I can go to sleep. I can leave the bed unmade all day, but it has to be neat for me to sleep. If the person in bed with me jacks up the covers, we gotta start from scratch. I have no idea why I'm like that.

My tanning bed burn has left my under eyes wrinkled. I swear, I had no wrinkles until this happened. They don't go away. There they are. 3 wrinkles. Under each eye. I need to get them lasered. I need to win the lottery. I need to cry.

My evil food of the week has been peanut butter twix. It's all in the mix. I vowed to not deprive myself of sugary goodness once in a while. So, I don't feel bad. It was well worth it!

Friend Dusty, and Momma both had dreams that I died walking at night. Good to be terrified while your walking, it keeps your heart rate up, and burns more fat! Thanks guys!

4 Days Til Edwin!!! My random Edwin lyric for today: (for sis she can name that tune)
We wish ourselves beautiful, and we cry in the night. It's not the love you fear, but the fall from the height. Our personal ledges, afraid to look down. My crepe paper bridges, enough water to drown. Don't leave me, and I know your justified. Don't leave me, cus a part of you in me died.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Change of Plans...

Psssssst......5 more days, until Edwin comes to Cleveland!!!!!

This weekend. I was suppose to go to the zoo with Bubba and her fiance, and CP. It was a beautiful day. My hair appointment wasn't done until 3, and she called to tell me the zoo closed at 4. Huh? What the fuck kind of zoo, closes at 4? On a Saturday? So, while we were looking forward to the zoo all freaking month, we didn't get to go!

So, instead we got drunk. We went to the pizza buffet, where CP made friends with some old lady, ala my mother's style. Then we got beer and had a fire at Bubba's. We played a drinking game, which I havn't done in YEARS. You had to do rhymes, sentences, and rules. We laughed our asses off. Bubba made the rule that whenever you drank you had to say poop, which is really funny when your drunk. Then CP said we couldn't laugh after, or we had to drink, which ended in a vicious cycle of pffft'ing, pooping, laughing, drinking, drinking from laughing, laughing from drinking. And, before you knew it me and CP downed our 12 coronas.

We got home fairly early, when I tried to get CP to give it up in the yard. I was trying pretty hard too mind you. Then it happened. I got shot down. I got an emphatic NO! Something about that didn't sit well with me! When does a man say no? It's never happened to me before. Ever. I suppose the first time is the hardest, cus I tried to watch a movie, and ignore the fact that my fiance didn't want to give it up the goods. That didn't work. I left with the intention of finding Bethie who had called me earlier in the night to see what I was doing. I didn't get very far when I had to argue with CP via cell phones. What a wonderful night. Especially having not spent much time together last week.

It ended up good, I got me some, but I just call it pity sex. Whatever it was, it was good for me. There was some more friction yesterday between us that lasted maybe an hour. No one likes to know what a bitch they can be. That's me. Bitch. Commandor of the Bitch brigade. It happens. I know this about me. Sometimes it rears its ugly head! Then the evening ended pretty well. I made us grilled veggies, rice, cheese, and ranch dressing in a burrito wrap. It's kinda like Chipotle. Cus I rock.

We ate outside and watched the birds. In true old fart fashion. I have a woodpecker! "Woody" I call him, cus I'm all about being original! He is eating my suet. He'd peck at the stuff, then he would climb the tree, like a friggin squirrel. On his two birdie legs round and round and upside down on the tree. I never saw one in real life before. I was mezmerized! Then he'd peck peck peck at the tree.

Damn squirrel, chewed up my $30 birdfeeder I've had for years!!! Copper top finally starting to be pretty. This morning? My other feeder is all jacked up. I love squirrels, but not when they are destructive. It's gonna be war!!!!

This morning I woke up with him touching my face, and my hair, and my back, and my butt and my legs, it was so relaxing, and so gentle. Sure didn't wanna get up and come to work at all. I coulda stayed in bed! I was up late watching all the shows. Isn't Grey's Anatomy the fucking bomb? I cannot believe the previews for next week!!!! Derek calling meredith a whore? Jealous much? That was classic when he took the dog to the vet, and she was there! I love my television programs!

I'm posting this link for my friend Katie. Nothing like going from drunken arguments over sex, to a woodpecker, to TV, and now here's some genocide! Check it out if you want to help. I see, yet another dipshit thing the president is ignoring? I dunno.