Exes and Oh No You Didn'ts...

Some people think that it is flattering when an ex tries to come back into your life. You think they must still love me! They realize they were wrong in letting me go!? Surely, they have seen the error of their ways and want to be in my life again!!??

Being a wise 39 years old..I think it is mainly due to the sixth sense that the opposite sex seems to have, that knows you are finally trying to move on.

Nine times out of 10, they are the ones that tell you to move on! And, after being prodded to move on and see other people, you begrudgingly seek a new relationship, and then...you know how it works. It never fails, once you start seeing someone else, the ex always comes sniffing back around.

There have been a few times that I was all too happy to try things again with a guy, and break off a possible promising new relationship.

But it was only to realize that leopards don't usually change their spots. Or, more fittingly, people don't tend to change unless they really put their heart and soul into it.

My #1 guilty relapse relationship is with ex-manfriend. We've been broken up for real for like 2 years..and I can't count the number of times I tried to make things work with this guy, or how many potentially great guys that I dated that I tossed aside to pursue what was so obviously (in retrospect) broken.

Enter in 3 months ago when I finally realized after a turn of events that I probably really did need to shut the door on exmanfriend.  I realized that in fact, I was probably holding onto something that was no longer there.

And as with most relationships gone wrong...in time I realized...despite the feelings, we just were not meant to be!

He told me to delete his number, and I blogged that if it were only that easy to forget someone. But it worked out pretty well for me. I stopped thinking about us in the future. I finally shut the door on what could have been, and I started to see things for what they were.

While he kept contacting me sporadically..I came to realize, that if he felt 1/10th about me the way I felt about him, we would be together. No questions asked, and I finally started to realize that I am the one who deserves more!

So, you know, I have been spending time now and then with a guy that I have been casually seeing, friends...but who knows where it's going, and I'm enjoying our time together..It may not be an official boyfriend, but it is just enough to get the ex radar going.

And today I was out shopping with my Mom and I got the text.

From exmanfriend.

Who told me to delete his number 3 months ago.

Simply saying Hi...and asking how I've been..And for the first time my initial reaction wasn't a pang of the heart..or wondering if this meant we could rekindle our "romance"...I was kind of ticked off because he was the one that told me to delete his number. HE thought that it would make it easy to forget about me.

But I'm grateful for what happened, because I finally realized that I in fact deserve more.

I am tired of being with guys who realize what they lost after they lose me. I want the guy who realizes what he has while he has me...and never lets me go.

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!

Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.

Being Alone Finally Feels Worth It...

Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!

The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!

That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".

This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!

Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would. 

He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and  tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!

I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome. 

Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!

And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.

But necessary, nonetheless!

I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.

Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!

Dating...?

I never thought of myself as fickle.  But when it comes to dating, I have to believe this is a good thing? You know, you see what's out there...find what you like before committing to any certain guy?

I mean, back in the stone age, (your teens and 20's) you would meet a guy, hit it off, and fall right into a long-term relationship. At least that is how it has always worked out for me.

I hadn't heard much from high school guy. I was also dating new old guy, and that seems less exciting since he is really shitty at communication. I seem to be remembering why things didn't work out the first time. Isn't it funny the things you forget over time?

Meantime I've told high school date guy that I am only dating, and nothing is serious, and until someone I like enough to be exclusive with asks me to be exclusive, I'm doing just that! And, I don't see the harm! I'm not sleeping around, I'm going out to dinner! Seeing movies! Hanging out, drinking coffee, and seeing what I see!

That being said, I have a date with high school guy this weekend.

I guess I am still paddling in this dating pond! But at least it is a leisurely pace, and I don't seem to mind as much.

Another Date....

It's weird to say I had a second date with someone I dated sort of seriously before...but it was our second new date!

I was even more nervous for this date, because I had less than 24 hours notice of said date.

I am a planner. I have my whole week planned out on Sunday! Actually, I have my whole life planned out.  I know the days I go to the gym, the days I run, the days I take my dogs to the park, when I grocery shop, when I prepare my food for the week...and yes, I realize how very single, and tragic this may sound!

So, I got a text one evening asking if I'd like to meet the following evening...after WORK..because he was working near my side of town the next day (we live about an hour apart)...my first instinct was to say I was busy. I mean, I go to the gym at that time every single week... But my second instinct was that I am trying to break out of my shell, and this wouldn't happen very often, and I wanted to see  him, and so I said YES!

At dinner, in the spirit of being honest, I told him that I am a planner, and this was outside of my comfort zone, and that I usually like a 48 hour advance notice to go out, but that I knew this was something that just came up so of course I said yes, and it was good to do once in a while....even though I was laughing when I said this, I meant it.

He got some extra points for saying he noted that I like advance notice for going out. And it sparked a really great conversation after that!

It was about 20 degrees that night, and he walked me to my car, like a gentlemen...and we hugged...and still no kiss!!

I remember the last time that we dated, years ago..it took him about 4 dates to finally lay one on me. I remember thinking he didn't even like me, because he didn't make a move.

Is Timing Really Everything?....

You hear it all the time, right?..."timing is everything"....

Is it? When things never seem to go as you want them to go...this sounds like a bunch of malarky...but on that off chance things seem to fall into place...you can begin to embrace this as truth!

As I mentioned before, I had dated a guy a couple years back, and I was too hung up on my exmanfriend to give it a real go, and we just recently re-connected.

Great conversation, lots of laughing, and I felt 100% at ease from the moment he walked thru my door!

I felt like a lady the entire night...I can't remember the last time a guy took me out and made even the smallest effort to do so!

Even though we had a *cough* "history", he still kept it classy!!! He drove me home in the wee hours of the morning, and asked me on another date before giving me a hug and a few little kisses and went on his hour trek home....

I am kind of in love with the idea that he didn't assume that since we had gone further than this before, that "it" was not where our date was heading.

I didn't know guys like this even existed anymore?

He said the next day he wanted to see me again...SOON. I told him I felt the same way.

Dating mostly sucks...but sometimes you actually have a fun time!

Doggy Paddeling in the Dating Pool...

Dating is a lot of work in your late 30's! Especially online dating!

You email, you text, you talk, you decide not to meet.

You email, you text, you talk, you decide to actually meet, and then you decide to not talk to them again.

This whole process takes a lot of time! Lather, rinse, repeat! 

Turns out, I actually know this guy! And not in a "you shouldn't be dating this guy again" kinda way either!

He is a friend of a friend's husband, and we dated off and on a couple years back after one of my many ..many break ups with exmanfriend.

We met at a time in my life when I was not yet over the ex. we had fun, he treated me like a lady, we had great chemistry, laughs, the whole nine. At the time, I had expected to have the same deep feelings for him as I had for my ex...expected to jump right back into couple-dom and decided I wasn't getting "enough" even though I told him I only wanted to date casually

...plus, I was still hoping exmanfriend would realize the error of his ways.

You live and learn!

I've been relationship-less for a few years now, and I am finally open for something new! He said he had been thinking about me for a very long time. I admitted that the past few months I had been wondering about him as well.

He said he would LOVE to take me out, and to anywhere that I wanted. That is a lot of pressure! If someone is taking you out how do you decide the level of dining? Fast food? Retail Chain? Mom and Pop diner???? I left the dinner up to him.

He picked one of the nicest restaurants around. One I'd never been to. It was a lot of pressure!

No one has ever taken me to such a fancy place! Especially not for a first (or maybe 10th or so/second first) date!

I'm not complaining. It has been a very long time since I've been wined and dined!! I'm so excited to go on a date again, followed by a movie.. and I already know that we get along.

In true dating fashion, once I got another date, HS friend asked me out. I told him I was busy this weekend, and he asked if it was an internet date. I said "no, I actually know the guy in real life".  He wished me luck.

But in retrospect...that was kind of a mean thing to say after  not talking to me for a week, not seeing you for almost a month, and then asking me out two days before you want to go out with me! Right? I would love to go out again but I already had plans.

So..wish me luck!

On Realizing you really CAN let your ex go!...

So I had plans with exmanfriend to go see a band. I have seen him from time to time over the years after our break up. Yet,  I'm still "dating". Dating is what people who aren't in relationships do!

Exmanfriend had to cancel our plans the night before. We did talk about how we have been in contact over the years, and I mentioned how I never felt that he made any grand gesture to claim me, or try to get me back (for lack of better terms) and we did make plans to get together again the next time we were both available.

Being a single gal, not wanting to spend a Saturday night alone, I made other plans for that night  I planned to see the movie with a girlfriend because we both read the books, and I was available now!

Next morning, I had a text from exmanfriend way before I woke up it said he felt better and could our plans still go on, but if not, no big deal. The next text said something cryptic about opening my front door slowly, which didn't register. I was just honest and text him I had made alternate plans.

This morning I was rushing off to meet someone new for coffee.

When I opened my door, to rush off for my coffee date, there was a boquet of flowers!! First thing I think is...what the heck? Did I tell coffee guy where I lived, and if so, should I be meeting him after this?.

I'm halfway to Starbucks in the car when it occurs to me that exmanfriend mentioned something about opening my front door slowly. And I think...did he actually make the effort to bring me flowers? (he never got me flowers while we were dating so I was thinking...it was adorable)

So I sent him a text before I arrived..."did you come over here?" And he said no, why do I ask? So then I think, then who left me flowers? Maybe it wasn't him? If it was, why not say so?

Being courteous, I didn't check my phone on my date.

While I had a close to 7 hour phone conversation with coffee guy the previous night, the whole time of our meeting I was thinking..."do I want him to kiss me?" and the answer was No! So, the chemistry wasn't there for me at all. I was glad that I had plans with a girlfriend, and a reason to cut out early.

Upon leaving...I read a text message sent only about 20 minutes after the last one from exmanfriend, that bottom line said, that he knew I had moved on, and to delete his number, and he would delete mine.

eeeeh...Huh? 

After the fact, there is a billion things I wished I'd have said, and still want to say but wont.

My only response could be that I would honor his request. And he thanked me.

I never got a real confirmation on where the flowers came from, not like there are a million options,  but I  I am enjoying them, they are beautiful! Girls love flowers!

Wouldn't it be nice if all it took was deleting a phone number to make you forget about someone?

In the end..just like that, in a matter of hours, he showed me that still after all of these years, he cannot commit to me. Sure, he'd been showing me for years, but I only wanted to hold on to the way that he was super good at pretending that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, all the while skeeving around behind my back.

I didn't want to remember that he really crushed my heart.

Lucky for me, I finally have the closure I have always needed!

How My Date Went..

So, aside from my two one time dates with some internet winners, I haven't been out with a new guy in a really...really long time.

Sure, I have gone out with exmanfriend a few times over the past couple of years but I don't think that counts since did in fact break my heart via a letter.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous, but not the 2013 nervous...the 2014 me is suppose to be spontaneous, and try new things, and that...I did!

He was running late, and as any respectable lady (with a DUI under her belt) would assume, I thought he would be picking me up. When we talked it was decided that I had to meet him so we could make it on time.

In about the first hour I already decided that maybe I liked him. He was easy to talk to, and made me laugh. We had a two hour window after the wedding before the reception, so we went to the winery. He seems to be just as open as I am, so of course, we had a  really good conversation. I was starting to think this was going to be a fun night.

At the wedding, I told him he is like a local celebrity, he seems to know everyone. I said "I think I know like five people in real life". The venue was on the lake, so we went down to the water and sat at a picnic table and had drinks, and talked for hours...turns out, we missed the entire wedding. Dancing. Dinner. Cake. Boquet toss...the whole nine.

I told him that I had expected to have fun, but in the back of my mind, I didn't think I would like him as much as I did. I had the same high school mentality that he was kind of a jerk, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised!

And then, there was kissing...and he is a really good kisser.

After the wedding we went out to some bars, and long story short, we were up until about 6 in the morning! Two days later, I am realizing, that a 38 year old woman does not stay up until 6 am because I am still feeling very rough!

What happened next? We did spend some time together the next day, and we went to lunch. But the moral of the story is, he has been hung up on his ex for well over 10 years. I think he is me up until a year ago.

I told him I know far too well what it is like to have trouble getting over an ex, and so I wasn't going to expect anything to happen in the future. Do I hope it will? Of course!  I would love to go out again, but what is meant to be, will be!

The 2014 me decided to be honest and tell him the next night before he left that I was thinking about him. I figure I have nothing to lose, except for regretting not saying what was on my mind at the time.

At the very least I put myself out there, I opened up, and had an amazing time.

Reunited, and it Feels so Good!....Twenty..Years..

One thing is for sure, I didn't feel nearly old enough to have been attending my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend! Living the childfree lifestyle really keeps you young...(or so I like to say)

The thing about 20 years is, everyone's divorced now! When you show up to your five year divorced, you kinda feel like a failure. (who? me?) But 20? Everybody's doing it!

An old friend tried to teach me to two step before saying that I sucked at it. I was all... "why is there a three count in the two step?!" I think it's actually the dance that sucks!

While in the middle of a photo op, he pulled me in and laid a real-life-open mouth-kiss on me. After I realized what was happening (I guess that does happen like people say..it takes a few seconds) I pushed him away! (even though, that's the most action I've seen in over 18 months) It was in front of everyone, and ON MY CAMERA, and inappropriate. I wasn't mad, just shocked. He's a real ladies man, and I told him I am not the kind of girl that falls for his game! I mean, I'm one of the few good ones left!

Since I'd had some vodka-club soda's, I told another one of my guy friend's that my Mom thinks we should get married, and we had a good laugh. I tell her all the time, i don't think he is not my type...I've always thought he was a total player!

So the next day we messaged a few hours on facebook, and after all of this time I finally decided, what's the harm? He's not a stranger, and if nothing else, we will have a good time, right? In the spirit of being more spontaneous in 2014, he "I can maybe do that" and I replied "when that maybe becomes a definite, you let me know and I'll clear my calendar". Or something equally as witty.

Go me, right?

So we planned a dinner/drinks date for the following Saturday. Then today he texted he forgot he has a wedding and I probably didn't want to go, so could we move our date to Friday...I said sure. He replied "I figured you didn't want to go to a wedding". So, spontaneous me said I'll go to the wedding, they are fun.

Here's to new beginnings, or continuing old friendships. Either way, going out with a guy is kind of what a girl should be doing after being single 3 years, and celibate almost as long.  Right?

I May Be an Official Re-Virgin...

I just love the dating scene....said no one over 21, ever!

I am not ashamed to say that while dating here and there, I have been celibate for 17 months. Good Godfrey in writing it seems even longer!!

I say celibate, because it sounds more like a decision vs. an affliction. Which...I guess it is, because if all I wanted was sex, I could certainly make that happen, right?

The last time was with exmanfriend. Someone that while I was not in a relationship with at the time, I once deeply loved, so it seemed perfectly OK. Now,  the thought of just tossing it away after all of this time seems silly. After you go for so long without being intimate, your goods turn back into a gift again.

While I have not lost the desire for sex, the thought of waiting gets easier the longer I wait. I have the most amazing dreams about sex with the most random people in my life, which is quite amusing.

That being said, I have yet to find those "fireworks" again, and I'm holding out until I do! (I think...) And despite the long cold spell...I still want it all. Nothing less!

Plus, it's going to take a very special man to understand that while I may love spooning, I would never make my Mr. Magoo get out from in between us in the bed.

I mean, just look at him. He's so completely worthy of a double spoon!!

If I'm So Awesome, Why am I Still Single...

I tell you what. Before I embarked upon my journey of self discovery, self improvement, and fitness, I sure had a lot more dates!

I certainly don't have movie star looks, but I'm starting to sympathize with them. You know, like when they are asked if they are dating and they say "I havn't been asked out in.....(fill in the blanks)".  And you think "boo-hoo, rich movie star, you don't have a date..I feel soooo sorry for you."

But then the average Jane can totally relate! When I felt like crap about myself, and barely had a pot to piss in, I got asked out all the time. Now that I am happy with myself, have money, and nice things...crickets!

I like to tell myself that it just means I am meant for greater things. The wait will be worth it. And sure, when I activate my online dating profile I get a ton of messages, but how many of them are from someone I would actually see myself dating? Zero.

My friends say I should take things into my own hands and initiate conversations with guys. As practice.

The thought terrified me, but recently I've had success with talking to married, non-threatening men who take classes with me at the gym. So I discovered, it isn't all boys who terrify me. It's just the cute ones!

So I decided at Earth Fare, I should ask a cute stock boy if they sold peanut flour. I learned this where I learn most things, from watching TV! It was on an episode of MTV's "Made" where the girl was also terrified to talk to boys.

In the end, I shared way too much information about my search for peanut flour. Where I'd looked, and what I wanted it for. And since they didn't sell it, I had no idea when or how to end the conversation.

I got the feeling he just thought I was weird. Or desperate for a friend.

I swear, internets, I am NOT socially akward. I just have zero game!

On Potential Stalkers...Online Dating

I'd been messaging back and forth here and there since about December with a guy. Nothing major, but no red flags. So, when he gave me his digits I used the balls I grew last month, and called him.

Wow, what a great conversation! We talked for an hour and a half, laughed, the conversation flowed, everything seemed great. Lots of things in common. I was excited when we made plans to meet two days later for coffee. I even texted my Momma to let her know I may have actually met a dateable guy.

Luckily the crazy train pulled into town before that ever happened.

25 minutes after our first conversation he started sending me more pics of himself. Ok. Then he texted me fishing for compliments on the pictures. Then, he asked me to send  him pics. And asked me twice if I did it. Then asked if he should reboot his phone to see the pictures I didn't send.

When I didn't respond he called me. He wanted to tell me he was on his way to get dinner. And ask if I liked his pictures.

20 minutes later, he called to tell me he was done with dinner, and he couldn't wait to meet me. We talked for about 10 minutes.

In the next 20 minutes I got quite a few texts about how beautiful I am and how excited he is to meet me. And by the way, did I send him pictures?

Then, you guessed it. He called again!

This time I didn't answer. I mean, really? Mr. independant, OK with a girl having her own life, couldn't stand that I didn't text him right back within seconds.

Then after several more texts, he texted me that he was sorry if he was bothering me but he was so excited to talk to an amazing girl like me.

I think all these compliments work for people with no self esteem, but buddy, I know I'm awesome, and you are laying it on a little too thick in the first couple of hours.

Then, it was 9:00 and everyone knows The Walking Dead is on. So I texted him that I was busy with watching my show, it was my sacred time.

He texted me "oh, ok, enjoy your show, text me later if you want".

A few more of his texts came thru, that I ignored because, I'm busy...so then he sent "aren't there any commercials in that show?"

Then he sent me a youtube video by Kenny Chesney called "come on over".  Which I didn't even watch. Followed by a Rascal Flatts video "God bless the broken road". Ehh, you know me a few hours, and you thank god we met?

Um...it's too much!

Then he texted me "I can see you thru your window...boo! LOL"

LOL? Really, that's funny?

Followed by "did I scare you?"

This went on for a long time, until finally I texted him I was going to bed.

The next morning I had 3 texts between 7 and 7:25 when I got up. They were full of terms of endearment, hope you slept well beautiful's, and lots of "xoxo's" . Followed by a phone call at 7:30 am, that I did not answer, because a) you are crazy and b) I'm getting ready for my JOB!

Then, several more texts. After an "are you alive?" text,  I finally told him around 9 am, that my heart is beating, and I was in fact....working.

He said he was off work that day. And told me not to work too hard. Call him later.

I mean, this went on and on, and on and on and on and onnnnnn!

It was obvious, I had to block this guys number. So I texted I didn't think I was ready to meet someone off the internet.

And then I blocked his number from calling or texting me.

Then, a few hours later... I blocked 4 more numbers that kept calling me. When I googled the numbers, they were from his place of employment. Where, he was not working that day but was steady calling me like a champ. 

The following day was quiet, until 2pm. When I was on my lunch break, running...and got another call, 1 digit off from a blocked number from the previous day. From his work. So he was trying all the lines at the job.

I blocked it as well.

After the gym that night, I got yet another missed call from his place of employment and a garbled VM that I can't decipher.

I blocked that number as well.

And I had an entire day of peace. 

I mean really? All that mess because of an hour and a half conversation, and a potential coffee date? Even saying you are not into someone isn't enough. If someone told me that, I'd be over it in a second.

But then I'm not crazy.

The best comment comes from my Mom, who is addicted to the ID channel, and relates all stories back to being murdered and stuffed in a trunk. "Well, you know how men are crazy for sex and murder".

Thanks Mom!

Aaaaand....fade to the single girl who is perfectly content with being single.

Recycling Dates??...

So, it's been far too long since I've been out on a date with someone I havn't already dated, you know....someone I know it isn't going to work with, but I still want to get out, and have fun, and maybe have some, you know,  "time" together. This is always done under the assumption that it is what it is and it isn't going anywhere further. Old friends, I like to say!

Recycling old dates don't count toward your "number" and I am still in the business of caring how high my "number" gets. At least, this is how I justify going out with people that I know are not going to marry me. Whatever works.....right?

So, I re-activated my online dating account for about two months in hopes that maybe things will be different this time.

A tip... if you are expecting a girl to be interested in you....send her a legit message, ask a question, refer to something in her profile....don't just say "hi". "Hi" screams "I just want the booty", and if you had taken the time to read my profile, you'd see, that is so not what I am looking for. You can get that anywhere! And upload a picture. What are you hiding? I have mine out there, why can't I see yours?

I happened to get a message from someone I dated last summer for a few months.

He asked did I want to go out again and give it another shot, he said text him and we'd get together. We exchanged numbers again. I messaged him the next day, just a lighthearted message.

Then I didn't hear from him for 11 days. At which time he asked me out on a Thursday for the following Saturday, and I just told him "I think we have incompatible communication styles".

I then realized the reason we quit talking probably wasn't because I was hung up on my ex. It was because he would only randomly respond to my messages. I mean, it only takes 2 seconds to respond to a text message. I don't expect a conversation, just an acknowledgement that you got my message. "Good to hear from you". "We'll make plans soon". Anything. Don't just ignore a girls text for almost two weeks, she will move on!

I mean, I did  read "he's just not that into you" years ago, so I know, that I deserve a response!

Dating... Advice?

Dating. Not my top priority these days, but it's still in the back of my mind.

I don't feel like I'm missing out, I mean, I havn't been on a real date (with someone I havn't already dated before....ahem...) in a long while.

I've said a billion times I'm at the point where if you don't knock my socks off, keep it moving. I'm living my life just fine, thank you!

Being only one of two single girls in my social circle, I get a lot of advice as to why I'm "still single". (like it's the plague)

Here are just a few samplings of unsolicited advice I've gotten...

Apparently, I can't go shopping without getting done up. I never know where I will meet someone. So I guess it's unacceptable to go to the store after the gym. I should rush home, shower, spend an hour on make up and hair, (after already doing so for work in the morning) and THEN go get my wine...I mean, food, or kitty litter, or...whatever.

Aren't there any guys at your gym? I should frequent the weight room, ask a guy to help me.

Do you always wear that ring? Apparently, guys are dumb, it doesn't matter if I wear my beautiful antique inspired, self-bought diamond ring on my right hand, they probably still think I'm engaged.

I  need to hang out at Barnes and Noble, there are ALWAYS guys there.

I need to order food at a restaurant by myself and sit at the bar. Someone will pick me up.

I need to flirt more.

I should strike up a conversation with someone I think is cute! I need to practice!

I shouldn't meet someone online!

I should meet someone online!

I need to stop hanging out at the gay bar, how will I ever find a man that way?

I need to get out more often.

I should join a social group. (what is a social group?)

Buy this dress for a date!!! (that I don't have) It will inspire me to be more open to dating because I already have an outfit.

I can't expect a guy to always make the first move I need to go for what I want!

I should be more outgoing, guys love confident girls!

I should meet a rich guy, he will take care of me!

What ridiculous advice have you gotten? Or am I the only single girl left in the world?

Out With The Old...But...I Didn't Mind The Old..

I have been "single" for more than just this past year, but for the first time in a very long time, I actually focused on me in 2012. I stopped waiting to do a lot of things I had always thought I would do, because I wanted "someone else" to catch up and be in the same "place" as I was. I stopped wishing for what might have been, and started embracing what "is".

I stopped using the phrase "when I met the right person I will...." and did whatever it was I wanted to do, on my own.

I can't say that I am completely over exmanfriend, but I have come to the realization that while I have continued to grow both in and out of our relationship, he is still stuck in the same place, unwilling to move foreward. I know that it's something that will not change, and that makes it easier to picture my future without him.

I had a fabulous 2012. From marathons, to buying new furniture, to realizing that I am in fact, a pretty amazing girl, who deserves everything her little heart desires, and settling is not an option.

I can't say that I'm happy to see 2012 go. I had one of the best years I've had in a very long time, and all it took was being true to myself.

I hope you all had a spectacular 2012, and if it was hard, I hope you can take away the lesson in the hardship.

Here's to new beginnings. Bring on 2013!!

Dating is Ok...

As I like to tell my only other single girlfriend....when we feel sad about not being in "a relationship" or "where we thought we would be" at this point of our lives....our married, and or friends with kids are far more jealous of our single girl status, than we are of theirs. So, we need to embrace every moment while we have it!

I've been on a few dates with a guy over the last couple months. I have been keeping it low-key so as to not be like "the girl who cried love". Not that the "L" word is a factor. But you get to dating people, and get your hopes up and start jumping to conclusions, and I'm trying not to do that this time. Slow and steady wins the race.

Novel idea, I am just dating the person for the sake of dating. Going out, having fun, and whatever happens, happens. For the first time in a very long time, I'm quite content with my single-girl status, so the idea of not being overly gung-ho is quite easy. I got my own thing going on, and going on dates are just a bonus to my already awesome life.

Welcome to your mid-thirties!!

When we are together, it feels like it is just us, and that's all any girl can ask for when just "dating" someone.

We went dancing a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember the last time I was dancing with a boy....probably several years back with exmanfriend. It was a blast. I didn't even care that I was so sweaty, it looked like I was caught in a rainstorm...and neither did he.

At one point,  Michael Jackson's "don't stop til you get enough"...came on..which I happen to have a dance routine to from my hip hop cardio class, and I sooooooo wanted to get out on the floor and cut a rug...but at that point, we were seated at the bar, and he said he was having fun flirting with me. Thank God, I don't know what would've happened had I tried to break it down on the dance floor, solo!! Vodka...I love it!

This weekend we took in a winery, and had our own table down on the lawn away from the crowd, and got to see some fireworks. (not just the ones we may have created from kissing....watchout!) 

I missed enjoying someones company, and not just looking forward to the moment when they leave so I can go about my business. I like sharing my business with someone else, if it's the right someone.

And, it was nice to tap into his god given talent as a man, to master my new DVR box for me, and got my remote to work on all my electronics. (I was unable to watch DVD's...I could NOT figure out how to toggle the TV...don't judge!!) (I'll never understand why this comes so easily to men....???)

We are going to see each other again, and are talking about planning a camping trip. I havn't been "real" camping in YEARS, and I SO love it!!

This weeks focus, however, is to get in all the miles I can, so I can get an awesome 5k time on my Friday night race downtown!! I can't wait!!

The Meddling Mother....

My mother cannot stand the fact that she has no grandchildren. I feel for her I suppose...but I also have given her 5 perfectly nice grandpets in the place of needy human children.

She feels it is her duty to marry me off, so I can produce said grandchildren. I'm 36, and my married, and or/with children friends far more envy my life, than I do theirs. Not that it matters...but I love to be so free!

Said meddling mother, has now taken it upon herself to try to get me to go out with someone I am just friends with. Friends, because I am just not attracted to him, and I don't fell it!!!

My Mother, has friended said friend on "FB", because he has a business, a house, a boat, and a sense of humor...but after their becoming friends, this has led to an even greater reason I will never date said friend!  They tend to team up against me publicly when I go on "dates".

I don't need my personal life laid out as a commentary between my own Mother, and a friend....on facebook!!!..ummmm....get a life!

Really? I'm finding my life of leisure is quite enjoyable. I have no strings. I can date whomever I want, plan my life according to what I feel like doing.....? I don't need the bullshit backlash, who does?

I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, until I find someone who makes me want to stop the keepin! I owe it to myself, afterall!

Self Esteeem

I have kept in touch with exactly two of my exes in my whole life. One has been since we broke up back in 1999. It's been different thru the years, friends, friends with benefits, friends, we just never lost contact.


When I met exmanfriend, I changed the rules, it was 3 years of him wanting to see me, and my firm answer of no. Every few months he'd check in. and I'd say I had never been happier. I couldn't see myself without exmanfriend in my life, so the benefits are not on the horizon.

Now, said ex is getting married. For some reason his upcoming nuptuals, and my single-ness have spurred his interest in having friendly benefits with me again. "one last time" as if it is perfectly OK, because I am single.

I try to be a friend and tell him he shouldn't marry someone he doesn't think he will be happy with, and is trying so desperately to cheat on, but he thinks one last "hurrah" is going to make his lifetime of matrimony better, because, through the years, I've been there. 

But what about me? I am so not the girl that will settle for a romp with an ex just because they want to. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it anytime, with a single guy...hello, I'm a girl!

I am a firm believer in karma. What goes around, comes around.

I don't need that bad karma in my life, I have had enough bad luck in relationships!

Recently, said ex needed to buy a quick used phone from the same provider I have, and I happened to have a perfectly good phone, and the need of some fast money, so I said I'd sell it to him.

We met up for the business transaction, and I got such a great satisfaction at the fact that he couldn't believe how well I've aged, and how amazing I looked. I don't care how it may sound, it never gets old to hear an ex talk about how they messed up by letting you go because you are such a great person, and how good you look, no matter how little interest you have in them. Score one for me.


I listened to the crap about how I deserved to be happy, and how some day I will be getting married too. I couldn't help but respond with "I know what I deserve, and I will marry the man of my dreams, and when that happens, I'll never for a second think about cheating on him".

For the first time in a long time, it felt good to make decisions based on what I want, and not what I thought I deserved. I know what is coming my way, so long as I stay true to myself.

In the meantime, I'll be over here, swimming in my crystal clear karma pool, waiting for the future Mr. Me to show up, and knock my socks off!

50 Shades of Oh. Mah. Gawd..

I was kind of against jumping on the 50 shades of grey bandwagon, despite all of my friends' urgings...because I know its a sincerely sexually charged series and I am but a poor single girl in the city, with no one to take out sexual frustrations on. Plus, I usually don't like popular things.

 Then I decided, what else does a single girl in the city really have to live for, if not for smutty books and unattainable romances?

Since being laid up with my tooth extraction, I've nothing better to do, because the life of a sickly spinster with no one to care for her is pretty boring.  I decided to pick up the series to keep my mind off of what else I couldn't do for one to two days (besides the usual "not getting any") I couldn't drink, smoke, or work out. I mean, really, that's the extent of my life.

So, I lost myself in the seedy yet oddly adorable world of Anastasia, and Cristian for a day and a half, and have moved on to book number two already!


I felt like I was buying pornography when I bought the books, and I felt the need to pair it with stuff I didn't really need but would run out of one day so it wasn't a total waste of money, like bathroom necessities. 

But I am really a fan, and I feel like these two are a staple in my day. I talk about them like they are my friends.