"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Burning Bridges...

You know, I've never been the type of person to burn bridges. This is why when my stupid ex bf's call, I don't just tell them to eff off!!

That's why CP still contacts me.

And, that's why 'NEW GUY' has contacted me from time to time since I've met manfriend. The first time he texted me was after my first date with new manfriend, and I told him I was tired. At the time, I didn't know where things were headed for me and the boy. I knew I liked him...but, why burn that bridge? Right after sending him that message, the boy texted me something cute. Signs.

I told him I had company. Last night he texted me at work. He said it was his birthday and asked what I got him. I said nothing, but happy birthday. Me=friendly gal. Then he asked what I was doing, and I said working. In the back of my head I was like, what's my problem? I should just tell him what's going on, and not think twice about it. I thought he'd just leave me alone if I kept blowing him off. Then he said I should come over after work.

So, I just responded that I have a boyfriend for about a month now, and I'm not the kind of girl that does that sorta thing. And that was that.

We weren't in any sort of relationship. It was clear what we had was just sex, as was defined by the times we had fun hanging out, then we didn't talk for weeks.

I am always greatful for what I have I am thankful out loud to the universe for bringing me the second job I've wanted, and the man of my dreams. The weight loss I have tried to achieve for years, and I have a place to live, and food to eat, and family and friends. The more you are thankful, the more you will receive, right?

Now, I'm waiting for this to work with money.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Training Wheels...

Pardon me today. I'm working on stuff for my measley secreterial job where I work for rich fucks, and make jack shit.

I am devising a way to cut down our work time on monthly awards, by using macros to automatically reformat our merge files. And, auto merge them with the awards. The doing isn't so hard as the documenting, and coming up with a way to explain it to other people. I have to give two 45 minute presentations next Tuesday. *Gulp*. Never. Done. Before.

My boss is big on training others effectively. I use to be a crew trainer at Taco Bell back in the day. So, I can do it. And let's face it, people like me. I'm personable! Plus, the girls will be following along on computers, so it should be fairly easy. But aside from one other girl, their not very computer saavy.

Wish me luck. I better get a damn good review, and subsequent raise come January! Or I'm seriously looking for another job. I can't keep killing myself with two jobs. Oh, after I take vacation of course, and maybe buy somethin else with my discount. Tee hee.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I could have made this shorter, but then it is my blog...

Who knows what today is? Oh, don't ask why, I'm seriously wondering what day it is, and what I'm doing at work. Surely, it can't be Monday. I swear, I'm not as young as I think I am sometimes. Friday I slept 4 hours, Saturday, about 3, and I'm all settled in for another 60 hour work week, while trying to keep up after the pets, and work out. How the hell did I get here? Let me tell you.

Friday after working til 10:15, I met Kat and a couple peeps at the Beir Haus for the Halloween Party. The boy ended up coming down. To my extreme excitement! I felt so much better once he was there. I can say it til I am blue in the face, but that boy makes me so happy. It's like we are the only ones in a room when we're together. Ugh. Sheer joy he brings me. So, I "picked him up", per say, and took him home. That was a lot of fun, I kept telling him that I had a guy I was in love with, and that it couldn't go any further than a one nighter, and I kinda felt bad cus the guy I love really loves me back. Actually, the whole thing was kinda hot....It resulted in a marathon ahem, and not the running kind. Wink wink.

We were up until 4 am, and got up Saturday around 10. I got up and got us breakfast that turned into lunch, cus it was 11 by the time I got out of the house. He was really appreciative that I got food for him. To me, it's nothin! I had my hair appointment, and we needed costumes, so he dropped me off and I let him take my car (say what?) to look for his costume. I walked into the shop and Angie (hair girl) said "is that the new boyfriend I heard all about?" Someone stole my thunder. But I still got to tell the rest of the girls and clients all about him. I was absolutely giddy with excitement. He texted me later that he found his samurai (tee hee) costume and asked how I was coming along. I said I looked like I was warding off aliens. He came back, and he sat patiently and waited for me and read the paper. Seriously? He makes me wanna melt! Angie asked if I remembered our talk my last appointment about how karma would catch up with me for being so good to others, and I was going to meet the right guy. I said yes, I sure do!

I wound up being Betty Flintstone mkay? There aren't many choices that don't scream slut in the way of womens costumes. We headed out for our 2 hour trek to Ohio State in the rain. We just decided to get dressed at the party. On the way, the boy got pulled over in my car, for speeding. Isn't that some crap? 86 in a 65. Yea, he was pretty mad. I didn't know what to do...but it was a good way to see how he deals with anger. I'm happy to report that after a little cooling off period, he was fine and dandy, said he was the one who was speeding. I just let him have his space. You know, boys and their space!

I was the only girl there, for 99% of the time. But regardless, I had a lot of fun. It took forever to dress the boy in his costume, he had a billion and one ties. And can I just say, his ass looked HOT! Seriously, the pants really showed it off. Even the men couldn't keep their eyes off it. That's right, it's all my junk! There was beer pong, and suprisingly, this time I did much better. And I went and had to throw the game, because the boys friend bet this girl that if they won he could kiss her. I was all about it, but I still think I could've won. I rock like that.

About 1:30 am, someone gets the bright idea to go to a party. "leeeeeeeeeets gooooo its 4 blocks" We're all down for it cus it's only 30 degrees, and 1:30, and why the fuck not. Like 30 minutes later, no shit, we arrive at said frat house, where there isn't a single person still partying. The keg was tapped out. What...the fuck? We walked all that way in the freezing cold for nothing. And, I had to pee. One of the boys friends had to go too, and said he'd find us an alley to pee in. Shit yea, when you gotta go in the cold? In a skirt? You can't wait. So we snuck back between some frat houses, and the boy and his friend peed on the wall, and I myself was crouched behind him, "please don't fart on me" I said. Appreciated for my love of public urination=awesome.

The boy flirted with me all night. I might've flirted back. We went for pizza at about 3:30, which was another 15 minute walk. The service pretty much sucked, and I think we were both really tired so we went outside to smooch and smoke. Shut up. We crashed out at his friends, on an air mattress with about 6 other guys in the room on random chairs, and floors. I took off the boys shoes cus he was laying down with them on. We woke up around 7:30-8 after crashing at 5 am. The mattress was deflated, and it felt like there were nails in my hip and shoulder bones. One good thing about being fat is, I wouldn't have felt the floor thru my fat.

Sunday, after getting up at the butt-crack of dawn, we all went to breakfast. Waited 30 minutes for water. Longer to place our order. Even longer to get our food. And they never brought us a check, they had to write down what we had. Then, when the boys went to pay, they didn't have change. His one friend said "My order was 6.62, I paid with 2 fives, and I got 26 cents back". They didn't have change. Well, theres one way to make money. I guess they did that to everyone who paid. But the potatos were good. Oh yea, I ate at carb heaven this weekend. The beer, pizza, and potatos. I'm in for a treat to work it all off for my Thursday weigh in!

We finally left Columbus around 1:30. I couldn't wait to get the hell home, and have a fucking nap. My eyes felt like they were going to explode. Literally. I put some cooling gel on them, and the boy had some tylenol 3 or something like that. My eyes didn't hurt thats for sure!

Later, we rented movies, and went grocery shopping. He said "uh oh, we're grocery shopping, I think I'm getting cold feet". Then he said he was kidding. It was fun to do that, and then cook with him. I hate cooking too. Another little thing, is when we were at Giant Eagle, this song came on that he put on the CD he burned me. I think it's Lionel Richie or something obscure like that, but when it came on I smiled to myself. It's little "signs" like that that I really dig, that let me know I'm on the right path!

When he left, around 11 last night, of course, I had to try hard to fight back the tears until he left. Then I bawled. The usual. I called my Momma. I texted him that I wasn't trying to guilt trip him, but leaving me is almost cruel. He basically said back that in time that we wouldnt have to deal with this much longer. It's not easy for him either I spose. We're so in love. It's so amazing. And I totally deserve it! Yay!

Sidenote: He also invited me over to spend the HOLIDAYS with him! Seriously! Adorable!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Hey La...Hey La...

I missed the boy so much yesterday. I cried. I didn't cry in a sad way, but more of a way that I am feeling feelings I havn't allowed myself to feel for so long, that it felt good to let it go. I can't stand leaving him. So, last night the boy referred to me as his girlfriend. *applause* How utterly adorable is that? Totally. Sent me the sweetest messages while I was working (as always) that said things like..."I like to be able to look into your eyes (like we do) and know what's up without having to say a word"..

So, when we finally do "move forward", he won't be shocked that So, I think the boy is coming over tonight after hangin with his homies for a bit. You know, one more night of sleeping together. Sleeping.....and other stuff, but I love to sleep with him! He's so comfy! Plus, he's so cute I could eat him up. Tomorrow we're going to a Halloween party at his friends in Columbus, which is a 2 hour haul. I have no idea what I'm going to be, so that's my project for lunch today. Must. Find. Costume. Did I mention I normally hate to dress up? The things you do when you are in love. Silly.

CP gets out of rehab Monday. Claims he's done reading my blog cus it feels like eavesdropping. Uh, that's kinda the point, but I don't mind either way. I'm happy and he isn't going to mess it up, only I can, and that's not happenin! I told the boy I helped him out with a place to stay. CP wants to come get his stuff. Everyone thinks it's just a ploy to see me, so Tayray offered her garage to me, to put his stuff in for him to pick up. I think that's probably a good idea.

Oh, and I got in bed last night, and I'm like, mmm smells like the boy! So I texted him that all I could smell was him, and he said he did it for me. (His cologne you pervs!) It was nice to fall asleep smelling him like he was there. *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Thursday, October 25, 2007

See the light.

Forty-Nine pounds. It is so big, I typed that shit out. Forty....Nine. Actually, I weigh myself 3 times on Thursdays, and two times it said 50 down, and once it said 49. I went with 49 because I'm going to a party this weekend (with the boy) and I'll likely gain a pound from drinking anyhow so I'm just being smart here.

I compared a photo from last year with one from last weekend. Um, it's pretty bad! Once I take some more photos, maybe this wknd, I'm posting them. It's my big coming out. Stay tuned for that! You wont want to miss it. I havn't posted any since I think around 30 lbs.

I'm an advocate for thinking yourself thin. You think I'm crazy. I use to workout 6-7 days a week for several hours. Nothing happened for a year. I felt good, sure, but never lost a pound.
Not until I started to work on myself. Not until I decided that I deserved to be first in my own life. Not until I started telling myself I am thin. Not until I believed I deserved happiness, and I was already receiving it. I've said this all along, it's all about the secret. I can see you shaking your head thinking I'm fucking crazy, but no pill, or person can ever fix what's wrong with you. Only you can. That goes for your mental issues, as well as your weight problems.

I'm on my own personal path towards enlightenment. I've never been happier. It's true what they say about it, once you start, everything falls into place. You just have to make the choice to start. I love the fact that the boy is, and has been in the same spot I'm in too. It's an amazing feeling to know that we've both "been there". We both realize how to make ourselves happy, and are able to make each other happy as a result.

When I went home from the second job last night, there was a hot man in my shower. I said I could get use to this. Damn! He drives me absolutely nuts. He says I drive him nuts, but really, he drives me nuts, and we could go on for hours about who is more in love with who, who is more attracted to who, pawing at each other, kissing every inch of the others entire head, hands, you name it, and make you want to vomit, but it's ok. I can accept that there are haters in the world. Some day, they will thank me for my positivity, and say that I helped them find the passion they always wanted. All you have to do, is admit that is what you want.

We talked for hours. 5 to be exact. We never seem to run out of things to say. It's comforting to know that he's nuts about me, and it's because I am me. That I am crazy enough to offer to hold him captive in my laundry room, because he is him. I am me. I havn't been me in a relationship for so long, because I was so afraid of getting hurt. Too busy building walls. What an amazing feeling it is to let them down. Be yourself, and stop hiding.

We both talk forever about life, the universe, lessons, our paths, how we crossed, how things line up for you, the power of positive thinking, and the law of attraction. We also talk about wanting more out of or lives. Owning a business. So, you never know...watch for me and the boy....motivational speakers....coming to a town near you! (wink)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Life's a Journey, Not a Destination...

On Sweetest Day, I got a call from my ex boyfriend, Z. Not to wish me a happy day, but to make BS small talk like, asking me if I had someone to share the day with. To which I of course said, I'm in loooooooove. Bitch.

No, the reason he called was because he wanted a favor from me. Turns out, he wants to be a fireman. In order to do this, he has to take all these tests, and pass a background check. He claims that he got through everything, but his background check. Because of me. Yea, he said it like that.

You see, like...6 or 7 years ago, he busted into my house after a night of drinking, destroyed my door, my bed, tore doors off of hinges, threw me into several windows, busting them, cut himself, threw his blood on me, and threatened to kill me. There was a lot more to the story, but that's the gist of it. I managed to escape and get to a pay phone, in my underwear.. because he busted my cell phone, and tore my home phone out of the wall. They had to pick him up at his house, and of course, I had to go file charges against him.

They kept him in jail, and the next day he pleaded with me to drop the charges. Sadly, like most women, I did just that. The state decided they could still get him on burglary, even if I didn't cooperate with domestic violence charges, so he did in fact get charged with burglary. And he was pretty pissed about that. Because his name was in the paper, and they used HIS name and not MY name. And "I didn't do that stuff they said I did".

When he called me, he said that "domestic violence wouldn't be as bad, but it looks like I broke into your house and stole from you, I could still get the job if you would write a letter to the city, because it says on my record that the victem didn't cooperate, and it would look like they were just being assholes, I mean, what I did do was bad, but it wasn't as bad as burglary".

I wish that I made that last bit up. Cus, he seriously said that. I told him that what he did was worse, and that I had to live with it forever, and he is happily trying to deny he did anything worth suffering for. Wanna know what I thought about myself at that point in my life? I moved in with him after that ordeal. Yes...I didn't like myself very much at all.

It was a long road from there to where I am now. But looking back it makes me realize that I have come a long way. I thought I wasn't that much better for all I put up with from CP, but honestly, once I started treating myself better, everything else is falling into place. It might sound selfish, but you have to put yourself first. And, I am proud of where I am. .....you know, madly in love with this one guy, who you might have heard me mention! I can give of myself, because I love and appreciate me. It's a whole new type of love when this is your state of mind.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Catch Me I'm Falling....Faster....

Today, it happened. After almost a year as a secretary to three VP's, who always got shafted, I got my first "Thank You" from one of them. I got a card, and a $50 gift card to Target. $50 is a lotta money to me, especially when I have none!

I had a fabulous weekend. Seriously, fabulous! Friday night I went to my sex toy party. That was a killer time. Know what was even better? For the first time not "needing" anything, because the person you are with does it for you in such a way that nothing could ever make it better. Except maybe...more. I texted the boy that I got him a vibrating butt plug. Just because it's funny. He said I was "freaky" and asked if I really got anything. I saw a lot of people I use to work with at my old job where they canned me. It was fun because, I hadn't seen them since I lost (my personal plug) 47 lbs. So, everyone said how good I looked, which is a nice ego boost. I had a blast with the girls, one of them, got injured during "pass the penis" and while it shouldn't have been funny, it was freaking hilarious because who biffs it and gets hurt to the point of tears, during pass the penis?

After the party, we were drinking, and wound up going out. It was the pheremone spray. It made us all a little goofey. Well, it could've been the vodka, but who's counting? We finally decided to go out dancing, Bubba, Me, Bethie and Jessica. It was a killer time. There was a
pretty good 80s band playing in the lakes, and we actually got up and danced and had a blast. Girls are the most fun. I miss kickin it with them!

Saturday was Cedar Point. It was so much fun. I had fun just being with that boy! I wanted to rip his clothes off the second I saw him, but you know one must practice restraint once in a while. Grrr. We went with one of his friends, and picked up his girlfriend up near Put In
Bay. We got to the Point around 7. He texted me on the way that he thought I looked so cute he couldn't stand it. When we were there, he held my hand, or had his arm around me, he is just so thoughtful and adorable, it makes me nuts. Nuts. NUTS! I'm so not use to being treated
so well, in every way. He actually appreciates the person I am. Not who I pretend to be, or who I'm aspiring to be. It's really me. I have honestly never experienced that before.

Around 12, I was really cold, even though I had on a shirt and a hoodie. He kept offering me his shirt, but then he'd only have on a T-shirt so I'd say no. Finally he took it off and put it on me. And kept telling me "I'll be fine". I wanted to melt. A true gentleman. You know? Seriously. Ugh.
There was 6 million people there. It was packed! We didn't get to ride a lot of rides, but we still had fun. We rode the old classics, like the Mean Streak, Disaster transport, and the Gemeni. I got felt up on one of them. It was pretty freaking hilarious. I laughed and screamed, and had the best time. We didn't get home until 4 am to the boys house. The whole way we texted sweet nothing's to each other. We were with another couple...the things we said weren't always appropriate for other's ears. Plus it was cute!

We decided to go to my house, cus we can't "sleep together" at his house. His parents won't let us. Whatever to that. So, what's the point of spending the night with someone you love when you can't wake up with them? So we got to my house around 5:30 am. Then chatted in bed for a bit. On the way there, I saw a falling star, in an instant I made a wish. I bet you can guess what it was........

Yesterday, the boy took me to brunch, and then we went to super Target, cus he'd never been. You gotta see the super Target. It was the most beautiful day, so we layed in the back yard on a blanket and looked at the clouds. I know you think I'm joking, but I'm not. We totally did.
I told the boy how much I love him, and he did a squirmy little thing. I'ts so cute to have that effect on someone. Your touch, your words. It's amazing. We had an deep conversation about love, and what it takes to keep things the way they are with us, and we both perfectly understand each other. And know that it is work, but the payoff is so worth it.

We're both sick of people saying it wont last, because it didn't for them, and it's new for us. It doesn't last because you get lazy. And that's the simple truth of the matter. Until you have been there, and do the work yourself, you'll always believe that love and passion fade. And when that's what you believe, that's what you get.

We're both reading (I'm listening to) "Teachings on Love" and we talked about some of those concepts together. I said how I use to be treated so shitty by people, but I also treated myself like shit. It wasn't until I started caring for myself that I met him. I have started to listen to my inner voice a lot more, and the more I do that, the more at peace with myself and my decisions I am. It's hard to give up that control. Yesterday was one month. Already. Today he told me "I don't want to wear it out but I'm thinking about you, and I miss you, and I'm thankful every day that I met you".

Want to know the most ridiculous thing I did? I watched the baseball game yesterday. Indians were in the playoffs, so I turned it on, and the outcome was I got to spend a few extra hours with the boy than usual. And I enjoyed myself. I think I could dig a hole with the boy and I would like it.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Gimme an F!...

It's mother fucking Friday. That's how I feel today. I have been so busy, I havn't had time to jot anything down in my blog. The horror. And, I know how everyone hangs on my every word...*crickets chirp* right? Anyways....

I had three regional meetings for my VP's to prepare for. I've been running ragged. I'm still totally injured. And, I'm going to Cedar Point for Halloweekends. So, I suspect I will be in more pain come Monday. I'll probably catch a cold too. I've been taking my zinc. I got up to $12/hr at work this week. I hope they keep my stats. I remember they use to always "lose" them from time to time.

The boy made me a CD. On it, had "Teachings on Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh. A book. So far, I really like it. Like most of the buddhist way of thinking, it's common sense. Nurture the positive seeds in the one you love. Love yourself first, so that you know how to love, and receive love. That's most important. That was a lesson that took me until a couple years ago to even grasp. And even now, I sometimes struggle with it.

Happy weekend all! I'm off tonight, and going to a friends sex toy party. I know you are all jealous, because I would be too!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

K is for Kinetic!...

First things first. I have lost 47lbs. I don't like to say lost, because I know right where it went, and every step it's taken me to get rid of it. I didn't just "lose" shit. Seriously? I have to thank that boy and the extra curricular activities for this weeks loss, because working out in the morning, I'm not at full capacity yet. I've only been doing 30 minutes. And this morning I didn't do nothin. Let's go over the stats, shall we? Three more pounds to 50 total. That means only 23 more to my goal! 23. That's nothing! I'ma be there by Christmas!

The boy spent a long time working on my back/neck for me. I was like "are you a professional?" Seriously. He said no, but I'd like to argue that point. He did some crazy shit. I said "your not going to give me the vulcan thing are you?" So, the rest of the night I felt like a new woman. No pain. Full mobility. He cracked my neck a few times, and I felt the knots coming out of my shoulder. Weird. This morning? I'm in serious fucking pain again! This blows. I was up until 2 am. I didn't want to sleep, cus that meant when I woke up, I'd be leaving the boy. Sigh.

We spent the night listening to music, and talking. I rubbed his feet, and talked about how much I wanted to lock him away in my closet. He thinks I'm crazy, so I told him it's a term of endearment...I wouldn't REALLY lock him up. Maybe. I'm gonna make him stromboli, cus when I said I could make it he asked where I've been his whole life. I said I've been in "little C-town" which is only funny if you know that he's from Cleveland, and we call that C-town. Anyhooooo...a way to a mans heart is thru his stomach. So, I'm all about feeding him. And, I got his sweetest day card yesterday.

We were in bed, and Little Hill was sleeping by his one leg, with her head on his foot. Fizzgig was in between his legs, head on his other foot. Pickachu was on the outside of that leg, snuggling. I said that I wanted a picture, but my camera was dead. I told him everyone loves snuggling with him, and he said it didn't bother him. He said "they only like me because you do". Once I laid down, they all started their usual routine, which is making their way to my pillow for sleeping. He laughed, and said "it's like a cat train". Ha, ha! He jokes a lot about my giraffe. He asked where my giraffe was. Cus, obviously, I don't have one, but I have lots of other stuff!

At work last night I made a little over $12/hr. Yea, that's way better than 8.25 at the police station. I also get holidays off, earn time off, and don't work weekends. I took my own keyboard like a nerd, but I typed super fast. I also fell asleep listening to music, typing, with my head up and eyes open. It scared the shit out of me. So today, I'm armed with Stackers. And, a CD the boy made me. That boy loves me. And I will charm him with my womanly ways into marrying me. My coworker told me I needed to propose to him, because the sex is so good. Seriously. I've never had this chemistry. Like that Bush song! Last night I said "I told you our signs were compatible, and we have kinetic energy!" Totally true. Any Sagg girls out there? Get yourself a Libra. It's way freaking hotttt!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's Good To Have Dreams...

The other night, I had a nice dream about the boy. It was almost like a commercial for Kool Aide or something. He was building me a barn. He is in the process in real life of re-doing a garage, so that's where this comes into play. I am always calling him the handyman and telling him how hot it is that he fixes stuff. So, of course, in my dream, he had on a toolbelt! I was watching him and I brought him lemonade. You know, just like in an all-american dream of husband and wife (wink wink) and stuff. I told the boy about my dream, and he thought it was cute, and said you never know where the future will lead us. Then, today, he posted new pictures of his progress in the garage. He hung up these beams to hang bikes on in the ceiling. At my house? I have screws in the drywall and my bike randomly falls on me and it freaking hurts. So I texted him that he's good with wood (ha ha) and that I want those in my barn. He told me the garage is a glimpse of the barn of our future. He's so adorable. I want to just eat him up. He doesn't even need any sauce, he's naturally sweet! You know it's already a month this Sunday since our first date, and almost two since we met. Time flies when you're having fun!

Guess what else? The boy made ME a mix CD. I get it tonight! You dunno, boys don't do nice things for me. They take MY nice things, and sell them. Usually.

I also figured, I hurt my shoulders cus I took the A/C out of the window and downstairs by myself. The boy said he respects my independence but he would've done it for me. I am just not use to having "a man" around to willingly do things for me without a guilt trip, or expecting something in return, or asking 80 times. This is a whole new world for me, but I like it!

Last night I got home at 10:45 and did the following; stripped my bed and washed the blankets, sheets, and pillows. Yes, the pilows. Swept upstairs and downstairs, cleaned the cat hair off the furniture. Emptied litterboxes. Gave the dog a bath, cleaned the bunny cage, did the dishes, and dusted. Made my bed when the stuff was dry, and sorted all my mail. I didn't even turn the TV on at all. How nuts is that? Me, no TV! This took me until 1:30 so I got into my (clean) bed and thought about that boy until around 2 am. Needless to say, I didn't get up at 6 to workout, more like 6:30. I'm shocked I even got up then, but I did, and I worked out, for 30 min and watched The Biggest Loser. So, this no sleep is gonna bite me in the ass real soon. I forgot how hard it is to do your daily shit while working all night. It's only temporary, and my reward is financial freedom. I am gonna be so happy when I'm done!

P.S. I see that boy tonight. And I absolutely cannot wait to feel him next to me! I'm 100% love sick!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pulled Something. Feeling Old...

So, I started the new/old job last night. How was it? Like riding a bike. Seriously. I got in and my boss was like, do you remember your login? I said uh, no! (it's been over a year) So, she gives me a password, and has me go right into a job, which was medicaid forms. How long did it take me to remember? Like, a minute. No shit. Within an hour, she had me verifying the jobs again, which is what I did when I quit. I made $37 and some change for 4.5 hours which still equals out to more than I made hourly at the po po, so that makes me happy. Once I get back up to speed, I'll be at 9-10 an hour, and 12 on a good day.

So, now for the fun stuff. Who is still working at the old job from my past? Well, you'll remember (or not) this was where I met my ex-fiance, CP. So one girl had to ask me if I got married. Another lady said I looked really good, that I lost a lot of weight. Thank you, thank you. The guy with tourettes is there. Still steadily screaming out of nowhere, in his private room. Cane guy, who randomly shits his pants, and laughs about it. Walks around in his socks, and sleeps in the lobby on the floor. And there are normal folk, that I talked to that are still there, which is awesome, and another girl came back too.

I'm pretty tired this morning. I am also, in severe pain. I have no idea what started the pain between my shoulders/neck, but I suspect it had something to do with moving my friend, when really, that's the work men should do. I was a little sore, and I have some bruises but nothing major. Last night, a little worse. This morning? Unbearable. I got up to work out (cus I'm awesome!) and when I was doing abs, it popped. Yea, I'm hurting. Can't move my head much. My feet hurt too as it's only day two of wearing real live shoes and not sandals.

On the other hand, I am pawning off getting my reports today, which requires me to push a cart downstairs and lift them. And my boss has the Senior VP (my Vp's bosses, boss) using me as her secretary cus hers is on vacation. It's suppose to be my boss but she pawned her off on me. I'm suppose to be honored or something, but I feel ripped off. I have 2 VP's out of the office, after organizing their two regional meetings, and I'm behind on my month-end reports/awards/newsletters as it is. Plus, I'm suppose to be working on a special project to go over with my boss, which I havn't even had time for!

And I get to work tonight again. I forgot how much I enjoyed the hour at home before going to bed. Eyes on the prize missy. Debt-free living! Eyes on the prize!

Monday, October 15, 2007

And He loves me...

I had the most amazing time with the boy. It just gets better. Seriously. It's that good! Saturday I helped my friend Dusty move, and the whole time I have an actual ache to see that boy. It drives me nuts! He came out around 7:30 and we chatted over a couple of drinks. We were
going out to the bar for a bit. Kat was going to come, to be the official greeter in frien-dom. I asked him if he thought that I was a hoe for sleeping with him so fast. I knew he didn't, but I still wanted to hear it. He told me he didn't think twice about it, that it happened and it was right and not at all did he think of me that way. You know, I'm so sweet and innocent dammit!

So, Kat came! I told her I knew that she would love him, and she said she already did because he made me so happy. Ahhhhh. It was like it was just us at the bar. I've never been that into someone before. The whole place didn't even phase me, I was captivated with that boy. Our
conversation. His touch. The laughs. When Kat came, we continued to have fun. Of course, he fit right in, made us laugh, and didn't miss a beat. After a while, Kat made me go to the bathroom with her, and she said "you're gonna marry that boy." I said I know! She really liked him. And what's not to like honestly? He is so freaking perfect for me. When she came to the bar he got us all a shot, that I had told him earlier before Kat got there, as her favorite shot. I mean, how thoughtful is that? Seriously?

Kat left before too long, "so you two can have sex" she said. We stayed a while longer, and talked about how much we wanted to do the deed, which only made the actual thought that much more intense. We barely made it in the door. That's my kinda vibe right there! We stayed up til
like 4 am laughing our butts off, he had me crying. What's my favorite thing to do? Laugh until I'm crying, and my stomach hurts. He is so funny! We watched a movie, and I made us hamburger helper. I'm domestic like that. I can use the microwave and stuff!

Sunday we got up and went to breakfast. When we were waiting to be seated the boy made me coffee, which was the absolute cutest thing, and he said "look at us doing real boyfriend/girlfriend stuff". For real! He for real took me to breakfast. Then we went to Border's for a while and looked at tons of books, then we went to Starbuck's. He showed me how he paid off his credit cards, and gave me a challenge, I like a challenge! We chatted for a while there, and went back to my house and he got us pizza and we watched The Hills Have Eyes. Muh ah ah ah!

We snuggled of course. That's a given. I can't stop looking at the boy, or touching him. I just want to soak as much of him up as I can, and touch every single inch of him! When he went to leave, we were kissing and hugging. I was fighting back tears, because I was sad for him to leave. The feeling that I get when we are close, is like nothing I've felt. It's honestly, like an electric charge, a feeling, like something is being exchanged, I know that sounds insane, but it's true. He was holding me and in my head I kept saying "I love you I love you I love you" and he whispered in my ear "goodbye gorgeous, I love you" I swear my heart skipped a beat, and I said I was just saying that to you in my head, that's so weird. And he said "I know they're just words, but this feeling is what we have to hold on to" and I told him "I know I never want to forget how
good this feels". Then I was crying lol. But I didn't let him see. He held me forever and kissed my head. He's so freaking adorable, I just wanna eat him. With a little butter!

When he left, I was crying full-on. It wasn't because I was sad, but because I was so happy. I don't honestly remember the last time I cried from sheer happiness. I called my Momma to tell her what happened, and I was still crying. It's like I told her, I just know he's the one for me. And, it's such an amazing feeling, that all I could do was cry. It's never happened like this for me. And I do deserve it. I am not doubting a thing, because whatever this is, is meant to be.

I start my new/old second job tonight. I'm gonna be tiii-rrrred, but I'll have bank!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Going My Way?...

Well. I don't want to boast or anything..but I will! Last night I went to test for my part-time job. The one I had back in 2005/2006 that I always say I never should have quit cus I made bank. Yea, that one. When I got there the lady was like "didn't you work here before?" and I said yes, she asked when. I said I quit in May 2006. So she looked me up and said "I think I brought you out here for no reason you might not have to test again, let me check" and she left and came back and fiddled with the computer. She asked if so and so called me. I said no. I think I have a different number. Which I did. She said in the computer I'm eligible for re-hire, and named a few people who worked there when I last worked there that were coming back! Then, around the corner comes my old supervisor, absolutely excited to see me coming back! Yay! I can state, that I did see some of the "crazies" that worked with me before. They make for good stories. Better than drunks any day.

So, she said the hiring guy would call me today, and...he did! I start Monday. Is that pimp shit or what? No test, no interview, no nothin! Since the hours I want to work are "odd" he said he can bring me in on a temporary basis, 3-6 months. Perfect if you ask me. He said no less than 3, but possibly more. I'm thinking, good, I wont have to quit again. I don't want to work 6-10 M-F cus I can't wait a week to see that boy I'm seeing. I'll just die. (I know I'm sickening) So, I'm working til after 10 M, Tu, Th, Fr. And on Wednesday, only two hours. Wednesday is when I can see him. I start on Monday. I am gonna be rich! I really hope I keep my nose to the grindstone with this job, and make a ton of money, pay off my two remaining cards, and sock some cash away. I just have to be super careful. With any luck, I can be done in three months, and have the rest of the time (if there is more time) be extra savings.

The best part, is I will have no time to workout in the evenings. So, I have to force myself to get up at 6 am, and workout. I usually get up at 7. This is going to blow pretty hard, but I'm thinking maybe it'll get me started in the mornings with working two jobs I'll be so tired. I might end up liking it. I'll have my evenings free then. I could always utilize the gym at work, and do it on my lunch break, but I'd only be able to get a half hour in and then be all skanky for the rest of the day and I'd rather not. Good luck with that...... Thanks.

And the boy is gonna help me get my credit cards paid off. No, silly, he's not paying them. But he's gonna help me figure a way out to get them paid off faster. I've been doing it all wrong. I pay off the lower interest, and roll over the higher interest to the lower interest when theres an available balance. Basically, not getting anywhere on lowering the payment. The boys pretty smart. I think I'll keep him!

I went out with Heather last night for drinks. I had 5 beers and didn't buy a one! Love that! And tonight I'm going to dinner with Katie, and a trip to the new Target. Look at me, having a life and shit! I'm freaking living large! Tomorrow, I take my stank dog to the vet for her nasty ear infection. And help my friend Dusty move. Then....then? I see the boy. *angels sing*. Hopefully walk with Kat on Sunday. I'm jam packed. That job was stifeling my life. Now I can do things again! Yay me!

Yea, so ummm...is this my life? Things are really going my way? Huh? Yes, believe it! Believe it!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hi. I'm Mon, and I am Addicted To The Boy..

Um, Hi, I might be having a slight withdrawl from the boy. At the time I'm writing this, I will have been gone from him only 40 minutes. This is a serious problem people. Seriously! I don't know what happened to me, but I got bit by something! It's so weird. I have times where I think it's too good to be true and I immediately stop those thoughts and replace them with "You deserve this". Because let's face it, I've had a long, hard road where men are concerned! I DO deserve it! I think we are both mainly happy because we're both givers and it's nice to have that in a person, when you are use to "takers". You know you have those who like to tell you "it wont last" and "its always like that at first" but you know when it's something different. And only you know. And I'm telling you folks....I FUCKING KNOW.

He even passed the cat test. First of all, the fact that he likes cats? Bonus! Second of all, he lets the cats come around and not complain about them? Better. Thirdly, I have a male cat, Pickachu, who is super timid, and rarely comes out when people are over. If your around enough on a day to day basis, he'll start to run thru the room. Maybe sit and look at you. The first time the boy came over, Pickachu was lurking about. The second time? Laying next to me on the couch, showing his belly. And now? He's all about the boy, letting him pet him. Last night? Kisses. The final straw in the giving of cat love in my house. So, rest assured Momma I don't think the boy is going to chop me up into peices and put me in the trunk.

When the boy came over we kissed for-ev-errrrr! Ugh. He melts me to my toes foe-show! I just love every single thing about him! We talked about our days. His job fascinates me. He told me to him it's just a job. Ever the humble one. Then we went to get a movie. There was hugging and hand holding in the store of course. We were there forever, because nothing was in. Finally we got "28 weeks later" and the boy said we better go before they kick the lovebirds out. I know. It was like 20 degrees and we snuggled up under the blankets. I had the best time with him, I just can't stand it. I've never been so into someone who was so into me. The possibilities with this are endless! Know what else? When my hand fell asleep? He made it go away in two seconds with a pressure point. He's pretty handy to have around!

But, it's all in the stars. Our signs are very compatible. I've never dated a Libra before. Their good people! Here's an excerpt from our love match:

The merging of Libra and Sagittarius can be paradise found for both Signs; this combination is a harmonious one, to say the least. Signs that are two positions apart in the Zodiac tend to have a very deep, special connection and understanding of one another. Sagittarius, the journeyer, is constantly in search of wisdom. Libra has a mind keen for art, beauty and aesthetics; Libra makes a stimulating companion for Sagittarius on their travels and adds much to Sagittarius's experience. The relationship always feels new because these two keep it exciting -- and yet their natural understanding of one another makes them feel like intimates from the beginning. Together they will reach new horizons in love and in life.

Libra and Sagittarius make great friends as well as lovers. They share a certain fresh-faced optimism in the world; they're both enthusiastic about finding truth and beauty in their experiences. Libra is an Air Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. This partnership is full of kinetic energy. As air spreads fire and makes it grow exponentially, this relationship is heated and ardorous. Sagittarius thinks they're steering the rudder, but Libra controls the flow of events with a quieter hand. These two are energetic in the extreme and can run together far and wide. The relationship runs most smoothly when Sagittarius can feel they have plenty of freedom and independence
within the relationship.

uhhhh-huh-huh it said kinetic energy

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


So, I get to see the boy tonight. *eeeeeeeeeeeeek*!! We're renting a movie. Together. Cus, everything we do is adorable. Don't ask me why! It's gonna be cold out! So, we are going to snuggle on the couch under a blankie and do things you should all be so lucky to do....and watch a movie.

I got an email from CP over the weekend. Apparently, he read my blog, so he knows all about how I'm a happy camper. One thing I learned, is never tell the boy you have a blog. Makes for much easier posting! Not to mention, I'd pretty much die if he saw that I said I was going to marry him the first week we were talking. Anyhoo - CP said he's happy for me. Hope he's for real, and doesn't think he is going to sabotage my relationship with the boy. Although, he is an adult, and we've had similar relationships, and he knows how exes can be. Let's hope CP isn't one of them. Some people seem to think he's going to kill me. But then, they also think the new boy is going to chop me up and put me in his trunk. I know some seriously trusting people!

That's pretty much all I have today. I've just been cleaning, and looking for another part time job. The pressure of no money scares me. You know, the dog goes to the vet Saturday, I'm out of all my hair product, need a hair appointment, winter clothes. You never think about these things when you stop going to a job. Who, me? I don't care about that place. That's the problem. They keep calling me too, as if I'm gonna answer. They even tried to call me unavailable. What-ev-er!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

National Vagina Day

I declared yesterday, national vagina day. Everyone in the world was having their vaginas looked at. At least, in my neck of the woods they were. Since I have no insurance, and I don't want no damned baby, I had to go to Planned Parenthood. Thinking, it's a cheap alternative to
getting my annual violation, and birth control, right? Pshea...it's cheap alright.

I'm telling you from the second I walked in that joint I felt cheap. Seriously, can't they treat the poor a little better? It was a far cry from my usual place, with mood lighting, and big cushy, comfy, overstuffed chairs. Cloth gowns, and real tables with working stirrups!

My appointment was at 3:00, and I sat in the waiting room...until...4:30. Listening. To. Children. Cry. I thought to myself "self, if this doesn't remind you that kids suck, nothing will!" Listening to teenage girls yell at their screaming kids, leaving them with their mothers, to go get yet another pregnancy test. Seriously girls, the condoms are free. Take some on your way out!

They called me back at 4:30 and stuck me in a room where they asked me if I practiced anal sex. If I had, they suggested, I get tested for AIDS. Geez, Last time I went to the GYN I had my thyroid tested. Then they made me fill out another STD sheet for testing, since I have
a new "partner". Fine, whatever. Test me. They never told me all this shit cost more money. They had signs all over stating you could have a free AIDS test, so I thought what the hell?

Then..you know ladies, the usual "here is your gown, it ties in the front, take everything off but your socks" speal they give you? Not at Planned Parenthood. They say "get naked". Yea, and, what do they give you to wear? Certainly not a gown. It's a the equivelant of 6 paper towels, with arm holes. It barely covers your chest. (iffin you got a chest thankyouverymuch!) Let alone the fact that my entire lower half was naked. Thanks for nothing!

Then they give you about 3 paper towels to put on your lap. So, I'm sitting there bare-ass naked, for a half an hour. Half an hour. Thinking, what the fuck do I do if there is a fire? What if some deranged pro-lifer bombs the place, and I'm stuck running the streets in these paper towels?
That's what I thought. Waiting. Looking at the shitty room. All of the "instruments" were plastic. I pictured them breaking inside of me. Ouch. All the swabs and collection tubes they had, were kept in one of those dollar store desk top trash cans. Purple ones to be exact.

Then when the nurse came in she asked me like two things, and got down to business. Here is the kicker. When it was time for me to "slide down" she said "Put your right foot in the stirrup, and I'll hold the left one here, it's broke". Yah. The left stirrup was broke, so my foot was up on a stub of metal being held by the one nurse who was also the vagina examiner. No small talk, like with my regular Dr. No, "how's it going, how's work, how's the man" Just, "pressure, this is cold, this may cause cramping, this will last 10 seconds" . I mean I have no idea why she was an hour and a half behind, she certainly didn't seem to be chit-chatting. I actually felt more violated than usual!

One good thing, is that the "spot" under my arm, she said is not in the breast tissue, and since it isn't as painful as it has been to just keep an eye on it. This whole ordeal cost me $162. I had to charge it. When it was all said and done, I made too much money to even qualify for the cheaper rates. Apparently, I am the new rich. I love being rich. I could have paid that at my regular Dr. and had a much more pleasant experience. Lesson learned!

And, now for the good news. Remember last year, when I worked that other shitty part time job, but I had a buncha money? I've been wanting to go back there For. Ev. Errrr. Yesterday? There was an ad in the paper! Finally! Guess who goes for her test on Thursday? Me! I gave them a
month's notice when I quit, so I hope they take me back! Send me positive vibes. Yea, it's 20 hours a week. Yea, I have to work with the mentally insane, and retarded, yea, I'm working every day, but I'll have weekends off! And, it's easy money. I don't have to deal with drunks.
I don't have to work overnight. And I make double the money. What more could I ask for?

Me and the boy are still happily nuts for each other. He asked me out this weekend. How funny is that? A boy asking me out? I'm sooooo not use to that! And, we're going to Cedar Point October 20th with one of his friends and his girrrrrrrlfriend. Like a real-live couple. We're so
awesome! I know! Get use to it because I am not gonna get sick of this kinda thing!

Monday, October 08, 2007

She Aced It!...

Hey. I survived. Here I am, alive and well! I had a fantastic weekend. With the boy! I havn't spent that much time with someone and not wanted to kill them in such a long time. It's kinda nice! When I got to his house I was a little nervous..it was a really nice neighborhood, and nice house. He told me to just walk in which I felt dumb doing, but did anyway. I met his dad, and his brother, and his Aunt in there. They were all very friendly. Then he came in to see me, and we went outside on the patio. It didn't take long for me to not want to puke anymore. They were mostly all just like him, easy-going and funny, very friendly. Met all four of his parents, some aunts, uncles, brother, and a few friends. On the way there he texted me to ask how he should tell people we met, is online ok, or at a pub? I said online is fine? It's kinda weird to me, but the truth.

We were up until like 5 a.m. The boys decided to play beer pong. All I know about it is what I watched on Big Brother. So I pretty much sucked at it. But I had fun doing it. They told me if I didn't get one in a cup the entire game, I had to run around the house naked. It's tradition. They've all done it. I said I wasn't doing that, I'm a GIRRRRRL. But loe and behold I actually sunk two in a row. And I got one another time after that! All in all it was a good time. We might have had to sneak around while the boys were playing opposing teams outside...for some "alone" time. But, you know, whatever! Totally worth it!

We watched TV after that, but I don't remember much. I remember waking up at like 7 a.m. on the couch, covered up with a pillow. The boy tucked me in, because he is the cutest thing in the world! The dilemma the next day was...wtf do I do? I was on the couch in the living room off the kitchen, and I heard people up in the kitchen. Do I get up? Do I sleep? Do I leave? I felt so dumb. I was texting Bethie about it.

Eventually the boy was up, and I got up to see him. He offered me breakfast, and a drink. Eventually he made me some tang. Cus, out of nowhere I had a hankering for some stinking tang. Then, he made a shake with all kinds of crap in it, like potassium, and ginseng, B12 and other stuff I don't remember. It did give me energy! And made my head stop throbbing. Margaritas + lots of tequila + beer pong = hangover. He told me that he tucked me in and kissed me on the forehead. I mean c'mon, it doesn't get any more adorable than that!!!! He's so cute it makes my stomach hurt.

The next day his Dad invited me to stay for dinner. Cute. I stayed with the boy til about 4:30. Mind you, I was scheduled to work at 3. Fuckit. I don't care. Today the temp svc called me. I'm sure they are ticked off. But, they don't know half of the story. I hate that place. I am going to find another job. I wish I could find no job, but the dog has to go to the vet. My cat has to go to the vet. And, I need something for a few more months. But, something where I have wknds off, or one wknd day. I gave him his gift Saturday, which was a CD of songs that made me think of him. Ahhhhh. He texted me after I left that he liked it a lot.

So, the boy came over to my house Saturday night. We talked about feelings, and how you dont have to say the words to know how someone is feeling. I think we all know what words those are. We just can't get enough of each other. It's nuts! Nuts I tell you! We went to the Circle K later. For ice cream and cheese. He wanted it. He told me that he thinks I got him pregnant. We just hung out, talking, and some other stuff too... We spent Sunday holed up watching a movie, and other stuff. And then he took me to dinner. On the way back he told me it had been such a long time since he spent a whole weekend with someone, and it was weird. I said I hope it's weird in a good way, and he said it was, and it was nice.

He was with me til about 8pm. And...seriously, I had to choke back tears when he left. I hate it. Hate it. I just want to kidnap him. He said he wants to kidnap me too, so I think we should just work out some kind of mutual agreement. He asked how I thought the drive to his house was and I said not too bad. It is about an hour. He told me I'm totally worth it....and I told him I'll try to stay worth it. He just told me not to change. I really don't think that'll happen cus I am what I am. Oh, he also told me again in person how he liked his CD...so I think he liked it.

I dunno what else to say, other than I'm completely head over heels for this boy. And he tells me all the time that he feels the same way. You could tell even if he never said anything. From either of us. We are just that adorable. You know, among the billion other melt your heart things he's said to me, he told me that being with me felt like being "home". He thinks I am the whole package. It's about time someone sees that!

Friday, October 05, 2007

I'm on the fast track...

Gulp. So, get this. Tonight? I'm going to the boy's house. Why? Tomorrow is his birthday. Tonight he is having "friends and family over". I'm honestly so excited that he asked me to come and meet them. But what does my body think? My body thinks that this new adventure is somehow an attack on it's every intestinal molecule, and is revolting at full force! I mean I was super nervous to meet the boy for days, but the second I got there I was OK. This is worse. I have the doodles. Now, how do you meet new people when you have the doodles? I can't eat. Therefore, making the alchohol that much more effective. So, I can't drink. I'm gonna be nervous, hungry, and sober. What a horrible combination. I know I'll be fine, but my body thinks different. I'm trying to think my way out of this mess. But so far? Not working!

I spent last night at Kat's, stealing, I mean, finding music on the internet for his B-day CD. It's pretty bad-ass if I do say so myself! It has a mix of fast and slow songs. And, I have a feeling he's just gonna love it. Who doesn't love a mix tape? I'm going to get him a mushy card on my lunch break too.

He's just the sweetest thing. He is worried that he is rushing me by asking me over, and I don't feel that at all. I think it all feels right. He says of course, he loves being with me. *swoon* I can't wait to see what his friends and family are like. Even though, it's quite literally scaring the shit out of me.

I might stay up there in his neck of the woods this evening. Funny thing is he is living with his parents since his divorce, (over a year ago) and it'll be kinda weird I think... at the parents. Mkay? I mean, if my neighbor is complaining about us, obviously, we can't be having relations. No relations equals major suckage! I might not go back to work too. I am on for 3-11 Sat and Sun but I have a feeling I won't feel like going back. We'll see. Wish me luck! I certainly need it!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Who The Hell Would Want My Identity?..

I got a letter from the GAP, that their computers were stolen and my identity is in there since I applied for a job at Old Navy a while back. Lovely. I get free credit montiroing for it, and I'm insured up to $25,000 which should cover me if anyone messes up my credit, since it's obviously so bad I can't even get a car financed. My score is up over 100 points from when I got my last car. It's over mid-way to the highest score...yet...I got another denial letter yesterday for a car loan. I have no idea what the problem is. My last car was thru a real-live bank. So, it's not like I can't get credit??? What....the fuck!

I wonder if someone did get my identity, and I'm living it up somewhere off the coast of Thailand? Or..maybe my car is free? I'm not calling the dealership, that's for damn sure, they fucked up not me! Until then, I'm driving a free car. Well, I'm saving my money, cus my luck, I'll get screwed somehow into paying it three months from now in a lump sum. You know, I already got the title to the car? Yet...no loan info? Umm. Hello?

Last night, I got to see the boy. *angels sing*. I dunno people. The thought of him alone makes me want to cry. I have got it pretty bad. Pretty-durned-bad! You know, the second you see each other, you have to have that long, passionate kiss that melts you to your toes? You just can't wait? Yea, that's how we are. Then you gotta touch. Always. He was in his cute little work outfit. Totally...freaking...hot! We had an amazing conversation. As usual. Then at around 10:30 my doorbell rang, and it was my neighbor. Being all loud and saying she wanted to meet the boy who captivated my heart. The boy I'm in loooooove with! I kept telling her to "shhhh...you can't come in you've been drinking!" Eventually I had to shut the door on her. She even kissed me thru the screen. Tryin to mess up my game!

The boy said he would've met her, but I said she would've only embaressed me. I mean he knows how I feel about him, but some things have yet to be said, and I'd like that to come from me, not a drunk friend. You know...? He makes me so happy. Not that I wasn't happy, which I think is the main reason I am so happy around him. He just enhances my already happy self. We can't get enough of each other....in all aspects. It's just refreshing to have finally met the person (wait for it....) who brings out the best in me. I guess I always knew the kind of person I was, but I was with people who never appreciated me for me. Took advantage of me. This person was trapped inside wanting to be out. Wanting to show all that I have to offer. To the right person.

I remember being a really good wife. I did like to take care of my husband, and ever since then, it was hard for me to do all those things for anyone. With this boy, I want to do everything for him. Simply because it would make him happy. And, making him happy makes me happy. It's so funny to even hear myself say that, because I havn't been like this for so long. I'm crazy about him. I told him last night I wanted to stop time and stay in that moment. Which he thought was so sweet. We are both very passionate about preserving the way we are right now. People do it all the time, it just takes work. I don't want to ever look back and say "remember when simply holding each other felt so good?" I want to say "all these years later, just holding you still feels good." Who knew I was so romantic? Not me!

And, P.S. I finally lost another pound. I thank the boy for that. Ifyaknowhatimean! 44lbs! Yay!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

My lovely little lumps...

Ugh. I miss the boy. While gushing about the new boy to a coworker, I asked, "I wonder what's wrong with him"? You ever wonder, when things are too good to be true? Like, the last one, turned out to be addicted to drugs....although I guess I kinda knew he did them...he just downplayed it a bit. This one, really seems to have his shit together. Like me!

He told me he did in fact, wonder what is wrong with me. I mean theres the whole package there. And the chemistry. I just can't even put it into words. It's like the hokey pokey! That's what it's all about. Left arm! He asked me to a party the first wknd in November. So, we have future plans. How cute is that? He said he likes that I like that he does manly things...like working on cars, and rebuilding a garage. I said who wouldn't? Apparently, some women want to do those things for themselves. What..are they stupid? I said men should fix stuff, and protect women. We should bring them the paper and whatnot. I like my "role" as a woman to be as such. You won't find me trying to fix a carborator. Uh-uh. Menswork!

When I went to bed last night, there tucked under the pillow of my made bed.. (cus he made it for me silly) was his boxers....cus they are adorable, and I loved them. He said he knew I would find them, while doing my "pillow jenga" as he calls it. I have to have them all arranged just-so. It's kinda nutty but he finds it cute, and any time the man thinks I'm cute, I'm all about it! It might sound borderline psycho, if I tell you that I put them on my stuffed Hello Kitty, and snuggled up with them to go to sleep. So, I'm definatley not going to say that.

You can all come to my wedding! It'll be at the beach, in Charleston, SC. I'll let you know the date.

So to rain on my own parade, I found some sort of "something" on the side of my right breast. Isn't it just my luck? I have an appt at the gyn next Monday already, and I'm just going to have them check it out before I entirely freak out, and go thinking it's life threatening. It's not really a lump, but some kind of squishy painful spot that I can't really describe. It's been about a week. It hurts when I don't even touch it. I'm not sure what it could be, but if I push hard along it, it feels 'crunchy' under the skin.