Animal Woes, and a New Medal!!

My Mr. Magoo, the wonder dog had oral surgery on Monday. When I adopted him, he didn't have a lot of teeth. Then, two years ago, he had 10 teeth pulled. This time? He had 6 pulled.

Now, he has 7 teeth left in his mouth. Three are up front, and he has no molars left.

Magoo says "I don't have many teeth, but this one is my favorite"

I took Monday off expecting to keep an eye on him after surgery, and be back to work without a hitch on Tuesday. When he had 10 teeth pulled, he was his old self the next day. 

But he never stopped bleeding. A little is normal, but little turned into a lot (don't look if you are squeamish)

This is only a portion of the bleeding. 

I was torn whether I should pay the $150 walk in emergency fee, plus services, or chance it til morning for a re-check at his regular vet. I had just shelled out $300 for surgery, not to mention all my cat expenses as of late. I didn't sleep, going back and forth about what to do.

Since it wasn't gushing blood, I waited it out. First thing in the morning he was back at the vet. They took one look in his mouth and said..."yea, that's a lot of bleeding"...and whisked him away to the back room. I heard him crying while they were investigating his mouth...it broke my heart, and made me cry. 

They had to keep him all day, while I went back to work, and I was thankful for the distraction. 

He lost the stitches in one of his molars. They had to put him back under anesthesia again and stitch it up. 

The happy news is, that he is now peacefully sleeping at my feet on his way back to his silly self. The bleeding has stopped, but now he has a cough. Turns out that being intubated two days in a row can cause that. 

I'm thankful that he is doing better. And I have no idea how human Moms can cope with this stuff, it's hard enough with the fur kids. Reason 867,965,321 not to have kids. 

In other news? 

I did the buckeye half marathon (as a relay so just over 6 miles) in the freezing cold (34 degrees), and my lungs still hurt.

We finished at just under an 11 minute mile, which is sweet! 

Mr. Magoo kept photo bombing my race swag. He wanted to be included!

The best part? My medal is shaped like Ohio..and what is cooler than that?

My happiest part of the weekend was, I had a piece of pizza at my Halloween party. And...it was everything that I remembered it could be. If I were God, pizza would be healthy. And we could eat it every day!

Sick Day...

"I wanna play!"

I contracted a horrid cold with fever over the weekend. I missed my miles, a date (nothing major) and I had to call off work on Monday. I hate calling off work.

While I drifted in and out of consciousness, between netflix marathons, vicks fusion doses, Progresso light chicken noodle soup, and liters of water, Magoo was angry at me for not getting him out of the house for a walk.

He took to stealing my afghan, several times, as portrayed in this photograph.

Oh I'm sorry, did you need these tissues for your sore nose?

So after drifting back asleep, he woke me up by the sound of ripping my puffs plus out of the container, one by one...I rolled over, and said "really Magoo?" then I snapped this photo... he yawned , and walked casually to the end of the couch, and jumped up for a nice long nap.

Reason 567,898,736 not to have kids, if this were a human child.. after the first time I ignored his attempts to make me play, he'd have gotten under the sink and eaten the miracle grow, or drank my boxed wine, then I'd be missing even more work due to jail time.

So, ummm....I'll take my one eyed, 19 toothed, afghan stealing, puffs plus eating, rescue shih poo...any day!

Here's to good health!

How I Had My Ass Handed to Me by a 13yo...

So, how does one feel after thai fighting against a 13yo male orange belt, and with, I guess, minimal contact, and basically knowing nothing?

Well, they feel like they had the shit kicked out of them, that's how. It hurts to breathe, cough, talk, move.......hell, it hurts to "be". I am bruised, have mat burn, and parts of my body I wasn't sure I even had are screaming out in pain!

I swear to god my guts are bruised. My guts! Stretching, continuing with runs, hot baths, advil, heating pad.....check, check, check, and check.

(what I really want is a bottle of wine to ease the pain but I've re-dedicated myself to weekend only drinking....sigh...)

I feel like I've been run thru the ringer!! And I consider myself to be in pretty good shape, I work out 7 days a week for at least an hour!

Due to it taking me an hour to drive 6 miles from work in the snow I missed my second class, but I'll be geared up for the even longer class on Saturday. (help me!)

I guess my point of this post is, if you think you are in good shape, try something new. I went from almost dying after 50 jumping jacks to belting out 1,000 in a row plus a 30 minute boot camp class, and I feel like total shit right now. MMA wasn't "harder" it requires more skill, technique, power, and brain function, but physically boot camp felt worse.

Until the next day.

Oh, and reason 678,795,124 not to have kids. I'm pretty sure that my uterus was one of my major organs to suffer damage after my first class.

Another Year Older...

It's my birthday. I'm 35 again. I think from now on, I'm sticking with 35. And I am taking time off of work the next 5 days.

I came into work, to a cubicle festively Birthday decorated in American Horror Story...I might have a slight obsession problem? And...the best employees!

I'm spending my time off Christmas shopping, getting some outdoor miles in, indulging in Chipotle (with guacamole!!!), drinking wine, taking Mr. Magoo to the dog park, cleaning for my birthday weekend, pampering myself by getting my nails done, drinking wine, lunching with my best friends, having a massage (my first EVER) drinking more wine, checking my work email, and dancing the night away with my girlfriends!

All things to remind me that being single is pretty damned awesome when you have a great group of people to help you through the tough times! And my ladies have had a long road with this girl!

I'll round the weekend out by spending my Monday entirely in my pajamas watching old American Horror Story episodes (in preparation for the FINALE!!!).

And... considering where I spent my last winter vacation (jail) these plans may as well be a trip to the Carribbean! (maybe if I had a sunlamp, that would help the facade...)

The universe even gave me a birthday smile was when I was carded for smokes (this never gets old) and the cashier gave me a weird look I said "it's not Lewinski, if that is what you are gonna say" ((my name is almost exactly like Monica Lewinsky, and is the #1 comment received any time anyone sees my name. I'm writing a book one day...)) "No" he says "I didn't think this was you, you look totally different"

Booya, I got my first post weight loss nod on the old ID. I told him he made my day.


Also, I'll give you reason 567,789,234 not to have kids. I have an entire 5 days dedicated to whatever the hell I wanna do, whenever the hell I wanna do it!

On that note, since it is MY Friday...Cheers to the freakin' weekend, fellow bloggers!!

The Meek...

My laptop died. So I am contemplating making possibly one of the stupidest moves in the universe, and going to Wal Mart on Black Friday at midnight for a new one. I have never, ever....even been near a store on Black Friday.

If you never hear from me again, I was pummeled to death by some horrible woman wearing clothes that don't fit, dragging around 5 screaming children, trying to snatch up my HP laptop deal!

I'm terrified of Wal Mart on a normal day. So I am not sure what I am thinking. I am not mean. I am not aggressive. Those people will chew me up and spit my laptop-less butt out on the sidewalk!

I keep imagining how nice it would be to just go to HH Gregg, and finance a brand spanking new flat screen TV, and laptop 6 months same as cash, and not deal with the Black Friday mess at all.

The latter is sounding more and more exciting.

Are you going to shop on Black Friday?

The Art of Letting Go...(which I havn't mastered)

The other day I had PMS. I know, shocking, right?! Especially since between my two botched root canals, and trip to a tooth specialist, two tooth infections, a pooper virus, upper respiratory, and sinus infections, topped off with bronchitis, I've been on three types of antibiotics (along with many other scripts) for roughly two months straight, and have basically been on my monthly the entire time.

This has been just short of awesome! Not completely awesome....just a bit short.

As happy as I am the nights I'm in my pajamas with my tivo remote, wet hair, and a glass of wine, being ever-so thankful to defrost one of my pre-made home-frozen dinners, not having to make dinner for anyone, wipe snotty noses, change any diapers, clean up anyone else's crap, or listen to someone bitch at me for being bored, hungry, unfulfilled, or tired...not doing a damn thing after my second workout of the night so I am presentable to others because the cats and dog don't give a shit either.......sometimes I get lonely.

My mother interprets this as a need to have children. (eh....huh?!!) Especially the part where I've had my period for over a month. Because according to her, I'm not using my vagina for it's intended purpose...child birth. I feel its intended purpose is actually to keep my guts from falling out. But, what do I know?

I enjoy being single for the most part. I don't miss most of the crap I hear my girlfriends dealing with. I mean it really is nice to not feel obligated to do anything. I spend all my free time doing things only I enjoy doing. But then when you are really in love it doesn't feel like an obligation, does it? And you'd happily give up your Friday night red box rental, bottle of Moscato, and rotisserie chicken shared with the dog, for some male-type companionship.

It's been almost a year since the great heart break.

This is the longest I've ever been single. There are times while I'm running (I do my best thinking then) when I am hit in an instant with panic at the thought of being alone.... forrreverrr!!!

(cue doom and gloom music)

This then instills a "woe is me" vision of myself falling drunk down my stairs, and subsequently being licked to death by my cats. (a single cat owning girls' worst nightmare) Or, breaking a leg while trail running, and having my eyes eaten out by foxes!

But then I put it out of my mind. Because I'm a firm believer that since I am an awesome catch, and do not wish to be a spinster, I won't be.

Right?!!

Yes...I DATE. But...I miss being in love. I love, love! I believe in happy endings.

What is it in this moment that I refuse to get past, so that I can move on. Why am I like a cute furry hamster on a wheel, endlessly running, and getting nowhere?

The obvious answer? I am still in love with exmanfriend. Until I put this to rest, I bet I remain alone and closed off. I've been trying so hard to just tuck it away and leave it somewhere, but like a curse it turns up on my doorstep again. I mean, I've moved on from countless relationships in the past without a second thought. Why does this one plague me?

"Oh...Hi, remember me? I'm the curse you can't pawn off, or drink away, you have to deal with me or I'm never leaving you alone!" And in my mind, my curse sticks its tongue out at me too. And makes me eat cookies.

So, GET OVER IT already, right? I've heard this all before. I wish life were so simple.

(if only there was a petfinder for men....unlike dating sites, they would live with real foster families who could vouch for their good and bad habits, and relationship needs...loves to snuggle, hates cats, no small children....)

The Great Pumpkin...

I spent my Thursday at my friends new fancy old house. Her husband made us a delicious dinner, including but not limited to baked fries that he cut himself and they had like rosemary or something on them. I had a couple, but not many. I wanted to eat them all. They even got me some Moscato! I told her I may be "stopping by" more often. She moved way closer to me. Which is awesome!

While he cooked our dinner for us (she married well) we drank wine and watched part one of the Halloween American Horror Story again. (so, are you watching yet??????) Her big spooky house added to the ambiance! It is very reminicent of the Horror Story home, minus the ghosts. (I hope!)

Then we carved pumpkins. While asking..."when was the last time you remember carving pumpkins?" It had been far longer for her.

I thought, how very "Martha Stewart" I looked in this photo. Although I may dream of folding my fitted sheets like Martha, I am totally no home-keeping (a Martha term) genius!



So then I showed the real me. A knife weilding pumpkin dominator! Actually, she told me to "look attractive", I said "I'm wearing my Goodwill top"...so, I am not so sure that I made that happen here.


My pumpkin is the most unfortunate looking one, with the bad-ass mouth. She kept asking if I was taking it home. I live in the ghetto. Some crackhead would probably try to smoke it. Really, I think she was a bit embarressed to put it outside in her fancy neighborhood. But then, she was the one who wanted to carve one with a penis motiffe.

I think this should be our annual tradition, drinking wine and playing with knives. I mean, what else are the child free to do with their scores of free time, clean houses, and infinite finances? /bragging.

How Communication helps...

Things are still going well with TDH. But it's kinda like he is a friend I like to make out with on occasion.

It's hard telling if I am just comparing the spark I had with exmanfriend to the lack of an instant spark with him. Sometimes I don't like to give things a chance. Sometimes I get so caught up in "meant to be" and forget just living in the moment.

I'm good at that. Mostly because the last time I was in love I got burned. Alive. At the stake. With some added fuel. While the burner pointed and laughed.

TDH is moving alot closer in a couple of weeks. It doesn't seem to excite me, I'm just not that into him I guess?


Where this goes, only time will tell. In the meantime though...I vow to enjoy dating. To stop trying to make everything fit into a perfect little box. Let myself like someone. See where things go. Let loose. If he turns out to be an asshole, not like it's something new to me, right? If it turns into more, bonus! I'm not married. I'm not yet an old haggard cat lady. I'm in the best time of my life, and I just need to go with it.

Sweet Taste of Freedom...

So this weekend, marked my return to the road. Of course, first I had to deal with a bunch of dipshits at the BMV, not suprisingly. I got to swap out my drunk plates for my personalized plates that I've had since my Dad died, and he had for years before that. They mean something to me, so when I got the notice that I had to have drunk plates, I made sure to ask what happened to my personalized plates in the meantime.


They hold them for a year.


After having to do her job and make TWO PHONE CALLS, I am getting my plates back. I have no idea why everyone in the world seems to be smarter than workers at the BMV.


And then they took my liscense picture, where I have half a smile and look like I may have had a stroke at some point in my life. But, hey, I can drive so fuck it!


In fun news, I took Magoo to the dog park for the first time ever. He LOVED it. He ran around and met all the dogs, sniffed tons of butts, and penises, and peed on lots of trees! Remember little gooder is a puppy mill rescue who is super shy to everyone but me. Well he ran around and stopped at strangers for pets, and played with dogs.

We all stood around and talked about our kids when they played together. I think I found a place that I belong. I felt like a proud Mom watching my kid interact with others for the first time. He was well behaved, well liked, and everyone thought he was so handsome.

Who needs stretchmarks, and a sore vagina?

Look Mom! I got friends!

He got extra excited when he found little dogs! This shih tzu (Magoo is in the blue collar) behind him had a tongue that stuck out!

This was when we first got there, he was so excited.

Reason 345,678,902 not to have kids, I didn't have to buy my dog something to make his day, he was so happy to run around and play with other dogs.

Long Gone...

I am not dead, but I almost was. I have had pneumonia. It came on fast, and I had no idea why I felt like I was on deaths door after being sick for 5 days, until I finally went to the Dr. and he said "You look too sick"


And, it's not easy to drive a car with no power steering, and a breathalizer on it when you have pneumonia. It wore me out just to go upstairs and take a crap!


I couldn't sleep for days because of how loud I was wheezing, and how much I was coughing. I took night time robitussin, and trazadone, which is a prescription sleeping pill and couldn't sleep! I was starting to feel like Edward Norton in the Fight Club.

"I am Fizzgigs mucus engorged lungs"

I have never been so sick, and can't say I have enjoyed it. The only few moments of relaxation I had was taking one of the 10 scalding hot baths a day I took. I've been on antibiotics and inhalers for over a week, going on week number 3 of being sick. I feel better, and I'm back to work!


Needless to say this put a damper on my first 5k, and I was unable to attend. I am still not even suppose to do housework. Not being able to do piddly mundane tasks is annoying because although I feel fine now, my body still lets me know I need to rest as much as I can.


I imagine this is a preview of what its like to get old. I can hardly wait.


Who suffered most, was my dog, who was so bored from my lack of energy to entertain him, I woke up to him eating cat hair out of the cat brush, with a little snot rag in there for good measure.

Mmmm...fiber!



Reason 456,987,214 not to have kids, with my luck, a kid would not just eat cat hair, it would eat comet and I'd wind up in jail.




Reason 567,904,123 not to have kids, you can't ignore them for 7 days aside from letting them outside to pee and poop, and dumping food in a bowl for them without going to jail.

I don't wanna die...

I'm really suprised that more people are not completely freaked out about all those dead birds and fish in Arkansas and Louisiana.

I mean, don't you people watch movies? Birds are always the first to die when we are attacked by aliens, or chemicals, or nuclear warheads. And remember how miners would take birds into the mines, and if the bird died they had to hightail it out of there? Birds are kind of important. Maybe I should quit making fun of my mom for having one....(pause for contemplation)...nah, she's still crazy for having a bird.

Havn't you seen The Seventh Sign? The bird flu? Aren't dead blackbirds your first indicator of a West Nile Virus breakout? What about The Happening??? Werent there a bunch of dead blackbirds in the beginning of "The Event" this season???

Ummmmm...yea. I think birds are kind of important. I don't like the BS they are feeding the world about fireworks. Um, why arent there more mass bird deaths in July then? Anyone? Or, the weather, or HAIL or RAIN got them? How many birds do you see flying around out in the freaking rain?

Call me silly but when I was little that was how we knew to go inside from playing when all the birds were gone and the wind picked up. They know its going to rain so they hide assholes. By 'assholes', and 'they', I mean the government who is trying to cover up some big horrible thing that is happening!!!!!

Since I'm well versed in movies and heresay, I also know that there have been many times when the world was ending, and one of the safest places to live was Ohio. I believe even Nostradamus said that.

So, while all the rest of you will be fighting off zombies, and dead birds, I'll be holed up safe and sound in my house. Don't even think about coming to my house and eat my cats either! I wouldn't eat your kids, leave mine alone! Plus they look big and fat but its all hair!

Oh and Pee, ess....holeyfuckingshit did you see that Hurley's numbers from lost were almost the exact mega million winning lottery numbers?????? Did you know that I miss Lost? Sigh.

Childhood Rears Its Ugly Head...

Remember how I said when we were growing up we were poor? Like not eating dirt poor, but Mom and Dad divorced and Mom didnt make enough to support us really, and for instance, once a church brought us food. A big box of it. To me it was like Christmas!

We'd get trash bags of hand me down clothes from Moms friends...it was awesome! We lived in a trailer, with possums and skunks living underneath, which was totally cool.

We were on food stamps, which was pimp, cus we could get whatever we wanted to eat. We never felt deprived. We use to get the dreaded PINK FREE lunch tickets at school so everyone knew you were poor. My school fines were waived for a few years, cus we were poor.

And all my clothes were bought from Acme Click where my Mom worked, I never had name brands, I always had knock offs. And never anything new, we had to shop while Mom worked, and give her what we wanted, and she'd "put it back" aka hide it under the shoe bin in the shoe department until it went on sale.

Instead of a Pound puppy, I had a lonley puppy. Which is so generic I couldn't find a picture. Instead of a Cabbage Patch, I had Pumpkin Patch kids. I did have a cabbage patch once the hype was over.

I actually stole someones cabbage patch kid in grade school. Well not technically. But it was in the lost and found and I said it was mine. Someone saw me with it and her brother said I stole it and I had to give it back.

I never disclosed that when I got my job, and they asked me if I ever stole anything. *gulp* Have you ever done drugs? Sure, I smoked pot, who didn't? Did you ever steal? No! Never!

The moral of this story is, I am still that poor girl on the inside. And I still get generic things. For Christmas, Mom didn't get me a Snuggie...I got a Fuzzie Wuzzie.

Which I like better than a stupid old Snuggie anyway.

I'm the big 3 5...

I'm 35 Today. So heres 35 mostly pointless things to say.


1. 35 isn't old. I remember thinking 35 was mature. But, well lets face it, I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. A kid that pays her bills, and lives on her own.


2. I'm logically half way thru my lifetime. But we wont go there.


3. We got a ginormous storm in NE Ohio. I don't remember a time when it more than dusted with snow before my birthday. This is a bunch of horse shit. According to Mark Johnson, the devil himself was outside waiting to pitch fork you if you left the house. We got like 3 inches. I hate weather people. And this guy.

4. I didn't get drunk for my birthday. I'm growing up!




5. I ate three peanut butter with reese cup cookies today a girl at work made. Stay tuned, it's still early.


6. I'm not working out for my birthday so I'll probably gain 5lbs from the eating in #5. That's how my body works for me. Not very well.


7. I'm pertty sure I have arthritis in my foot from my old running injury. Getting old sucks.


8. My desk at work is decorated with all hello kitty stuff cus shes awesome. Yes, I realize I'm 35. So is Hello Kitty so shut up.


9. A crackhead decided to stand at the end of my driveway today for no other reason than he is a crackhead, and shuffeled into the street when I just kept backing up at him. I heart the city.


10. I am thinking of cutting most of my hair off. I'm afraid though, so don't quote me.


11. I had a mouse in my broiler of my oven, and I just caught him Saturday. Poor little disease ridden guy.



12. I turned my heat up to 55, which is huge, because I'm a cheap ass who never has a gas bill over $100, or really even close.


13. My favorite Christmas music is the Muppets Christmas w/John Denver. I really wish they'd put the muppets back on TV. Not a remake. The real original muppets. Please, and thank you.




14. I'm in love with a stripper.


15. Just kidding, but I was singing that song, cus we rented the wrestler this weekend, and I was suprised that Marissa Tome took it all off for that movie


16. I don't feel good from eating too many cookies. And a bagel. And chip dip.


17. Someone should come to work and clean my desk for me. It's really bad, and I'm setting a bad example to the department.


18. It's almost christmas, and I bought three gifts. I suck.


19. When I say I'm the big 3-5 i feel like it should be followed with "Elizabeth, I'm comin to join ya honey" ala Fred Sanford. Even though, its not old.


20. I thought when I was in high school, that I'd be practically retired at 35.


21. When you are in high school you are a total freaking dumb ass, aren't you?


22. I really miss Lost. They don't make shows like that anymore. I miss how excited I use to get when it was on, and how I'd slow mo the tivo to see hidden clues. I feel like all TV hope is lost. Especially now that the Walking Dead is over.



23. I learned at my ripe young age, I'm a clencher.



24. Don't be gross, that means I clench my teeth too much, and the dentist had to file down my teeth and recommended a mouth guard. I have sore teeth, and no cracks, cavities, or decay. What the fuck?


25. Doesn't wearing a mouth guard sound pretty hot? I bet next, it'll be circulation socks, and granny panties or something.


26. Just like everyone looks at their poop in the toilet, I know everyone picks their nose.


27. P.S. do you ever get mad at a self flushing toilet, when you don't turn around fast enough to look at your poo and it's flushed down???!!!!



28. I get mad when I don't get to see the fruit of my labor. Dr. Oz says you have to evaluate your poo.


29. Why do boys' legs fall asleep on the toilet? It's like the 8th wonder of the world.


30. I sent my mom a picture of my poo recently, because she sent me a picture of gum in her mouth.


31. You may not know but I have a gum phobia, so she deserved a poop shot.


32. Just like boy babies, boy dogs have crappy clothes, so I think I'm going to just dress him up as a girl cus they have the cutest sweaters and stuff!


33. I feel sorry for people who have boys. Isn't that weird? Cus i totally like boys, so someone has to suffer through the trouble of having and raising them. Just dont ever let it be me. If the universe wants to screw me over and give me a kid despite my carefulness, it had better not be a boy.


34. I had to get an echeck for my car and you know how i have that stupid breathalizer on it? Too bad I didnt have to get a real echeck, cus they cant mess with my electronics boyeeeeeee!

35. Thats the only good thing thus far about having a DUI. and in the grand scheme of things, its totally not worth it.

Running Away Would Be Better For Me...

I woke up at 2 am from a dream that was one that you couldn't wake up from. There was a ton of bunnies, and kittens that were outside, and I decided that I had to rescue them. I started picking them up by the handfuls and running them to my Moms house.

The funny part about this is my mom is totally against anything with fur being in her house, as they shed on her things. She made up beds for them in her own bedroom and told me to put them in there. They were afraid of something, and on my second or third trip, they started following after me.

I was the pied piper of bunnies and kittens.

I'm all about dream analysis so I looked this up. Rescue signifies something you are neglecting in yourself, or you will be esteemed for good deeds. Hopping rabbits mean fertility. And cats an independence.

I don't think I'm neglecting my fertility or independence. And I most positively don't want to be repaid for my good deeds by fertility!

Those bunnies better not be trying to hippity hop their way into my womb cus this lady is yet to make up her mind about that one way or another.

You Know You Want Me..

I went to the annual Halloween party, the one we usually grace with our presence. Its a bonfire/garage party with a DJ and smoke and lights, and lots of dancing. And, probably lots of drinking too. Last year exasshole manfriend went with me. I thought I'd be sad about it, but instead I dressed up as a pink haired witch and drank vodka.

Nothing helps a broken heart like pink hair and vodka. Oh, and friends. And a real drunk friend to occupy your time.

All at once it seems one of my girlfriends spiraled out of control. I went to the bathroom, and when I got back my friends told me my she was humping a guy by the fire. I'd have never let that happen, so then it was my job to babysit.

Next, she was inside singing pants on the ground...with her pants on the ground. In her panties. So I had to make her pull them up, as funny as she thought it was. First I took a picture to show her the next day. Like you wouldn't?

Then, I had to casually dance saved her from her vodka goggles as she was grinding on the dance floor with someone ginormous, and it wasn't the costume, who probably thought he was getting super lucky that night.

All at once, she was outside puking. Game over. Like a good friend I sat in the back of the car and let her put her head on my lap. And had a plastic bag and told her a billion times the classic Garth line "if you're gonna spew...spew into this". Then it felt warm on my lap. She puked all over my witchy costume. Actually..it was Mommas witchy costume. Sorry Momma.

We were dropped at my moms house since it was close to the party where I had to take off her pants so she could pee, and she peed all over me in the meantime. Like, really. And I pulled back her barfy hair, gave her a puke bucket, and got her to bed.

This is reasons 455,459,987 and 455,459,988 I don't want kids. One, they make you drink to stupidity (cus she has two kids) and they ruin your nice chocolate and whipped cream vodka buzz. I was feelin pretty good til I had to sober up and take care of my drunk friend.

Do you ever see boys help each other? Usually they laugh and let each other pass out in the yard, and draw permanent marker penises on their heads. I'm glad I'm a girl, and I have good friends!

Crash course in Mommy Dearest...

Being a supervisor is mostly like being a Mom minus the horrid memories (I'd imagine) of child birth.

This week I had this conversation:

"I stood up and saw so and so emailing so and so about me being on the rampage with my pregnancy hormones. So I asked her if she had a problem with me, and she had nothing to say. I know she doesnt' know I know she was emailing so and so about me, but I know. Me being the way I am has nothing to do with pregnancy. If I were some people, I'd be offended, and have this taken to HR"

Seriously people. This turned into an hour and a half meeting. And I had to take it seriously.

Do I manage teenagers you ask? Oh no, we're all in our 30's.

In other news, I'm on 3 more weeks of antibiotics, nasal spray and claritin. I have fluid in my ear. Doesn't look like I'll be hearing for some time now.

I have a date with new guy this weekend, and I'm super excited about it.

You might not be "over it" if...

1) You picture bashing his face in

2) You picture running him over with your car

3) The thought of him fills you with rage

4) You wish his dick would fall off from some non disease realted issue (unless said issue was acquired after you broke up)

5) You come up with many -isms, and relate every bad person, or bad situation to his name in some way.

6) You dream on more than one occasion that you may have stuffed him in a trunk

7) You are happy he is dating someone, and cheating on them

8) You want to bash his face in. I said that? oh....

9) You found a pair of his boxers in your underwear drawer, and you actually went out of your way to wipe your ass with them before throwing them away.

10)

(sing the Rocky Theme)

My girlfriend asked me to go here this weekend. It's where president McKinley is buried. I don't know my American history so I'm not sure which president he is but I did go inside and see his tomb. Actually, more like, used the tomb to cool off from being sweaty.

Is that against God or something? Good thing I have my own beliefs.






I did these steps 7 times up and 7 times down. It doesnt seem like much til you do it. And you are already sore from bootcamp. It totaled 1,440 stairs. My next goal is 10 up and down.



Oh and to find a place closer to home, this is too far. I think exdickheads distance phobia may have rubbed off on me. Did I mention he is a dick?

I also jogged around the middle area not pictured. I did this until I dry heaved.



This is a popular place and there was tons of people working out. Maybe I'll meet my future husband there.

In other news, the world is filled with perverted disgusting men, and I swear I will not let them make me lose my faith in love. I am so sick of people wanting to "chat" send me pictures of their dicks, or ask to see my tits. Seriously? If you saw me out in the produce section of Giant Eagle, would you do the same thing?

My generation really sucks. Reason 456,675,123 not to have kids. Dating will be 1,000 times worse for them.

I'm not blonde, and keep the polish jokes to yourself...

Um. Yea, this is my tire. I'm kinda proud of it. This past fall, I had a nail in my tire. Fix a Flat was the only option to get me home from cleveland, because no one, not even a towing company could get my tire off. Even with that stuff that loosens screws.

I had a friend try with an impact drill. No go.



In the end I had to pay to have my donut put on. I guess I'm kinda proud of the stratus and its inability to let go. We are working on this together.

uhhhh...

You know my life is so busy. I mean, I have a full time job, a manfriend, friends, family i dont see much, 5 pets, laundry, a driveway to keep free of snow, and trash to take out on Sundays. I like to nap on Mondays, and sometimes I'll nap on a Saturday or Sunday if I'm snuggling with the manfriend, I'll doze right off, he's like a warm sedative.

I workout every day for 50 minutes during my lunch break, so techically I get no downtime during the day. I'm always on. Unless you count this...um, blogging. I have to sweep every day, cus I have 4 persians. This week I've had to do it all by hand cus my belt broke on the sweeper.

I have to wash my dog blankets every other day, because she smells so horrible, and she has to get a bath every other day, and have her ears cleaned daily. I also have to diaper the dog and clean up her potty pads.

Once every six weeks I have to sit for two hours while I get my hair hi/low lighted, and colored, cut and styled. That's really a lot of work too.

I have about 24-40 hours of TV to watch every week, along with an occasional red box rental here or there. Sometimes I have to buy food, and I tan at least 3 days a week, that's an entire 20 minutes. Of which...I usually nap.

I mean, how do people have time for kids?

Reason 762,890,2099 not to have kids. They take up too much time, right? And obviously, you can see I'm super busy.

I got mad at my cat for crying in the kitchen saturday night while i was cooking. I mean geez, you're a cat what can possibly be wrong? You only got 23 vs 24 hours of sleep?

I even made time to go here this wknd for a friends birthday. (cant wait!) I think they may have made it too safe, and too safe sucks. I like the old days going all willy nilly down the hill on a real tire innertube and flying off or smashing into a tree.