"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Sunday, August 24, 2014

On Realizing you really CAN let your ex go!...

So I had plans with exmanfriend to go see a band. I have seen him from time to time over the years after our break up. Yet,  I'm still "dating". Dating is what people who aren't in relationships do!

Exmanfriend had to cancel our plans the night before. We did talk about how we have been in contact over the years, and I mentioned how I never felt that he made any grand gesture to claim me, or try to get me back (for lack of better terms) and we did make plans to get together again the next time we were both available.

Being a single gal, not wanting to spend a Saturday night alone, I made other plans for that night  I planned to see the movie with a girlfriend because we both read the books, and I was available now!

Next morning, I had a text from exmanfriend way before I woke up it said he felt better and could our plans still go on, but if not, no big deal. The next text said something cryptic about opening my front door slowly, which didn't register. I was just honest and text him I had made alternate plans.

This morning I was rushing off to meet someone new for coffee.

When I opened my door, to rush off for my coffee date, there was a boquet of flowers!! First thing I think is...what the heck? Did I tell coffee guy where I lived, and if so, should I be meeting him after this?.

I'm halfway to Starbucks in the car when it occurs to me that exmanfriend mentioned something about opening my front door slowly. And I think...did he actually make the effort to bring me flowers? (he never got me flowers while we were dating so I was thinking...it was adorable)

So I sent him a text before I arrived..."did you come over here?" And he said no, why do I ask? So then I think, then who left me flowers? Maybe it wasn't him? If it was, why not say so?

Being courteous, I didn't check my phone on my date.

While I had a close to 7 hour phone conversation with coffee guy the previous night, the whole time of our meeting I was thinking..."do I want him to kiss me?" and the answer was No! So, the chemistry wasn't there for me at all. I was glad that I had plans with a girlfriend, and a reason to cut out early.

Upon leaving...I read a text message sent only about 20 minutes after the last one from exmanfriend, that bottom line said, that he knew I had moved on, and to delete his number, and he would delete mine.


After the fact, there is a billion things I wished I'd have said, and still want to say but wont.

My only response could be that I would honor his request. And he thanked me.

I never got a real confirmation on where the flowers came from, not like there are a million options,  but I  I am enjoying them, they are beautiful! Girls love flowers!

Wouldn't it be nice if all it took was deleting a phone number to make you forget about someone?

In the end..just like that, in a matter of hours, he showed me that still after all of these years, he cannot commit to me. Sure, he'd been showing me for years, but I only wanted to hold on to the way that he was super good at pretending that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, all the while skeeving around behind my back.

I didn't want to remember that he really crushed my heart.

Lucky for me, I finally have the closure I have always needed!

Saturday, August 09, 2014

Warrior Dash 2014 - This is the Battleground

I finally got to do the Warrior Dash!!

I signed up at a really cheap price on Cyber Monday this past year and I'm so happy that I did!

I will say, that thankfully all my boot camp classes prepared me for the grueling obstacles! It is "just a 5k" but when you add in all of the things you have to do, it seems like far...far longer!

Not only did I get another medal, achieve something I'd been wanting to do for years, but I reconnected with my childhood BFF via Facebook, and we ran it together with a group of people she knows! I hadn't seen her in almost 30 years, and it was like time had never passed!

Out of all of the obstacles, only one actually scared me...it was walking on a 2x4 that was "cock-eyed" in mud caked shoes, while water is being sprayed on you. I was so afraid to slip and fall that 10 foot drop, but I made it unscathed!

Here's to another medal, another accomplishment, and a reconnection of  a very old friendship that I hope continues!

My race swag

I heart medals!

Monday, August 04, 2014

How My Date Went..

So, aside from my two one time dates with some internet winners, I haven't been out with a new guy in a really...really long time.

Sure, I have gone out with exmanfriend a few times over the past couple of years but I don't think that counts since did in fact break my heart via a letter.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous, but not the 2013 nervous...the 2014 me is suppose to be spontaneous, and try new things, and that...I did!

He was running late, and as any respectable lady (with a DUI under her belt) would assume, I thought he would be picking me up. When we talked it was decided that I had to meet him so we could make it on time.

In about the first hour I already decided that maybe I liked him. He was easy to talk to, and made me laugh. We had a two hour window after the wedding before the reception, so we went to the winery. He seems to be just as open as I am, so of course, we had a  really good conversation. I was starting to think this was going to be a fun night.

At the wedding, I told him he is like a local celebrity, he seems to know everyone. I said "I think I know like five people in real life". The venue was on the lake, so we went down to the water and sat at a picnic table and had drinks, and talked for hours...turns out, we missed the entire wedding. Dancing. Dinner. Cake. Boquet toss...the whole nine.

I told him that I had expected to have fun, but in the back of my mind, I didn't think I would like him as much as I did. I had the same high school mentality that he was kind of a jerk, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised!

And then, there was kissing...and he is a really good kisser.

After the wedding we went out to some bars, and long story short, we were up until about 6 in the morning! Two days later, I am realizing, that a 38 year old woman does not stay up until 6 am because I am still feeling very rough!

What happened next? We did spend some time together the next day, and we went to lunch. But the moral of the story is, he has been hung up on his ex for well over 10 years. I think he is me up until a year ago.

I told him I know far too well what it is like to have trouble getting over an ex, and so I wasn't going to expect anything to happen in the future. Do I hope it will? Of course!  I would love to go out again, but what is meant to be, will be!

The 2014 me decided to be honest and tell him the next night before he left that I was thinking about him. I figure I have nothing to lose, except for regretting not saying what was on my mind at the time.

At the very least I put myself out there, I opened up, and had an amazing time.