"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, February 28, 2011

Night Life..

I had so much fun this weekend, dancing with my girlfriends until 3 am. What I know about being 35 is I feel like I'm 21 most of the time. Until I spend 5 hours dancing and drinking, and spend an entire Saturday on the couch recouperating. Missing out on seeing a cute boy that I kinda like, and dancing another night with my girlfriends.

I spent half a Sunday on the couch too, but it was totally worth it.

I havn't said much about the new guy, because until I know where it is heading, it's kind of pointless. But what I can say is that it's nice to laugh, and be treated like a lady, and be excited about possibilities instead of pipe dreams. I may have, in the last few years, lost sight of what I really want by hoping to find it in someone who couldn't give it to me.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for me!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Hood Life...

You know if you live in NE Ohio that we got spit up on with snow last night. About another 8 inches. After work I'm shoveling my steps, which I complain about but it's really good cardio, and I'm going out with the girls tonight, and of course, not driving, so I have to burn off my pre-alchohol calories, right?

When along comes a man..."Hey, hey, why don't you let me get that for you, I'm a man, I don't like to see young ladies doing stuff like that"

I reply that I don't mind and he insists on being nice. And says how women shouldn't have to do things like that. Even when I had a boyfriend, I still did menswork, so I'm pretty use to it by now.

Of course, once he starts he begins to tell me how he's just trying to buy a pack of cigarettes, and if I could give him a couple of dollars.....

I tell him I don't keep cash at home, because this is always my stock answer for beggars, and I say but I do have fifty five cents in my pocket....

He says "every little bit helps" and he takes my money, and hands me the shovel.

Mind you, my steps are still snow covered. But he wont be back asking for money either.

The lady across the street from me that wears duct tape on her mouth, hasn't gotten the hint that I don't give hand outs, and waits for me to leave each and every morning for work, and comes out of her house and yells at me "hey neighbor lady...." over. and over. and over. and over. Until I get in my car. Or finish cleaning the snow off of it. I don't even look at her. She wants cigarettes.

She asked my duplex neighbors once for money for toilet paper, so they gave her toilet paper and she threw it at them. She's a real peach!

City living is definately a real treat! I made it a year! I wish I could move my apartment, and my landlords to the country. I'd stay here forever.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Like Forrest...

I have been working my ass off (literally!) trying to get in shape for my 5K. By shape I mean beating my best time.

Which seems silly because 3 miles is nothing really, when you do 4 every day. But the good thing about goals is I have been pushing myself from my 4.25 miles in 50 minutes, to 3 miles in 35 minutes. I want to get to 3 miles in 30 minutes, and then add hills, so my outside run can be around 30 minutes. Oh and not die.

I have a really slow start when I do 50 minutes. I walk at a 15 minute mile for about 10 minutes before I run.

Lame. So, I'm weaning myself off of that.

I'm pretty good on the nice even padded deck of a treadmill while watching the View. I suck at outside.

I've been working out twice a day and I can say that the only things that don't hurt on my body are my eyelashes, and my hair.

But you know what? I feel awesome!

Friday, February 18, 2011


I love Ketchup. But what I love more, is my new soda stream drink maker! I spend a small fortune in buying seltzer water, (with sliced cucumber it's a dream!) so I think of it as an investment! It cost alot by my standards, but I'm worth it. And, I made an orange soda, you know, for mixing with the vodka when you just don't feel like a vodka soda! It's only 35 calories a liter, you can't beat that!

Other than this, I've been hellah busy, girl at work is in the hospital 2 months early trying not to have her baby at the busiest time of the year, so I've been working a lot of overtime, and time is flying by. Sometimes I forget to pee. I wish I could say I forget to eat..but that never happens. The price of being the boss, but I don't have to do it often, and I'm thankful to have a job I love. And, since I'm a hip boss, I texted her to "keep those legs crossed for two more months and not worry about work".

I also spent days sautee-ing, and steaming vegetables, brown rice, and chicken and froze it into serving sizes, in my attempt to drop my final 30lbs for summer time. In a month I can drive...(squeeee...) and I'll be headed back to boot camp (cross fit) and weekly meditation. I cannot WAIT! I have so much to look forward to.

I filed my taxes, and selling my stock didn't screw me over, and I actually got a refund. Soon, I'll bonus at work, and I'm going to be in the clear. Time to pay off more debt, and continue my savings (I actually have one after 35 years!!!!) get my car fixed, and (drumroll........) plan for home OWNERSHIP! A house for ME and the furkids!

My position at work is also growing, and I really feel like this is my year. For the first time in a long time. I'm not holding myself back in hopes someone will catch up to where I am, and where I want to be in life. I'm also planning to do something fabulous on the job, and win a spot on the annual trip to somewhere warm and beachy next spring!

I'm doing a 3 mile outside run tomorrow. I do 4 indoors, but I'm not good outside. This is in preparation for my first 5K in May, and hopefully....a half marathon this summer! It feels so good to have goals!

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!

Do I miss "him"? I miss what I wanted him to be. But I realize now, that was all in my head, simply dreams, fueled by words he told me to keep me around until he decided what he wanted to do with his life.

The dark cloud is that my uncle shot himself. He had cancer, which he suffered from for years, that came back. He couldn't take it anymore. That makes my Grandma, Grandpap, two uncles, and an Aunt on my Moms side with cancer.

I think that in my awesome new year, I need to add quitting smoking to the line up!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Forward Motion...

I'm happy to report that I have a date this weekend. The good thing about being an awesome friend, is that people want you to meet their other awesome friends.

We had a few really amazing conversations, and so far so good. Lots to talk about, and I can't wait to learn more!

I havn't been sincerely happy about meeting a new person in quite a while. Normally it feels like work, and I avoid doing so. I've squealed with excitement, danced around while relating stories about him to others, and gotten the serious butterflies when he calls or texts.

I think these are all good signs.

Plus he's tall dark and handsome, which doesn't hurt. Wink, wink!

The plan is dinner with our mutual friends, and an alone date for drinks after.

If nothing else, I am finally able to put the past behind me. Stop wondering "what might have been", and start thinking "what will be...." whether with this guy, another one, or on my own. I'm done waiting on someone else to get their shit together so that I can begin my life. I'm simply living it.

Here's to new beginnings!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

One less heart in the jar...

This is a story about two people. A cheater, and a cheatee. (cheatee?) Who dated for a very long time. In their relationship there was cheating, a break up, a reunion, a break up, and after a very long time apart....they got back together.

Que Hearts and flowers.

Then, one stormy evening (for effect) the cheater tells the cheatee that he ran into the skank that he cheated with at a party of a friend of his. The cheatee decides, if skank is friends with friends of his, and she will be around, she has to accept it, and trust him. Not easy, but she does. She is not normally a jealous person so she doesn't let it consume her at all.

But then...after a week of the cheater being distant, and acting strangely...

The cheatee just so happens to unblock the skank from FB and happens to see that the cheater and skank are friends, after the cheatee asks the cheater one measly thing....unfriend her and months prior, he did.

When the cheater is asked why he is friends with the skank again after the cheatee simply asked one thing of him NOT TO be... the cheater says he was 'going to tell her' ...and he did it to see if the cheatee was over the cheating incident. Like...a test. Or as the cheatee likes to call it...a set up.

After all of this, the cheatee goes thru the cheaters phone. Wondering what may have happened to make the cheater no longer hate the skank, and risk the relationship they had to be friends with her.

The past was the past until the cheater brought it into the present again. Disrespecting their relationship, and any progress they had made by choosing to have her in his life again.

The cheater becomes irate because the cheatee looked in his phone. And..dumps the cheatee...because the cheatee doesn't trust the cheater. And after everything she was willing to overlook, this one incident is what made the cheater snap.

In reality, the cheater dumped the cheatee because the cheater hadn't changed, and had something to hide. The cheatee regretted going thru the cheaters phone for about a day, until she realized that if it wasn't this incident, it would have been another day. Another time, or another girl that did it. He was still afraid to move forward, to compromise anything to be happy with her, and would be a perpetual headcase.

So, the cheatee is thru wasting her time and tears on someone who doesn't deserve her. She is so much better than that. And she is totally over it!

(this space intentionally left blank for her happy ending..................)

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


I love dreams, and their symbolism. Last night was a first for a plane crash dream. The plane took off and couldn't get off the ground, it hovered, and had to land. We tried several times to get off the ground, to no avail. We finally landed in a field, safe and sound, but had three planes crash and explode around us.

When I looked it up, it makes perfect sense in light of recent events. It is so weird how the unconsious mind interprets what is happening in your waking life.

For you to dream about a plane crash means that something OUT of your control, that you should be able to rely on and trust in, has gone haywire. This isn't about you and something you should have been able to do properly. This is about someone or something else that you *Trusted* that let you down completely, in a way that had a huge impact on your life.

Plane wrecks aren't about small dings that a mechanic has to fix. Plane wrecks are about huge national-news issues that affect many people.

What major incident in your life is causing you trouble? What large issue, that should be reliable, has gone off kilter?


Well, gee. I wonder what has gone off-kilter that was out of my control?