"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, July 29, 2013

Cat Lady Problems...

So I come home from a long day of work, and working out, and this little kitten is curled up smack in the middle of my front door mat, waiting for me to feel sorry for it. Animals have sucker radar.

Ugh. For as much as I love animals, I've been pretty lucky with strays. The last stray cat I happened upon years ago, exmanfriend adopted, and just like that, problem solved!

Of course, I scooped this little guy up, and took him out back and gave him a can of cat food.

He barely came up for air while chowing down. I knew right then...that this cat was not going away.  I petted him and talked to him, and when I went inside....he cried outside my windows.

He pulled at my heart strings. Since I volunteer at a rescue, I already have to deal with everyone I know wanting to dump strays off on me. It's hard to say no.

But, I already have 4 senior cats, that aren't vaccinated, and one more cat, let alone a stray kitten is just not an option for me.

So, I'm doing the next best thing to taking him in. I'm going to take him into the semi-feral cat program at the rescue and get him neutered on the cheap, and set him back out to roam.

I will still try to find someone to adopt him, but even a cat lady has to know when to say "when". And at least I'll know I did my part to stop the cat over-population!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Weight Loss Can Make You Feel Insane....

I am not quite sure when it happened....but somewhere between being overweight, and achieving my first set of weight loss and fitness goals...I've become kind of predictable. And probably, by definition, insane. I mean I wonder why I am still single, yet I have a real problem with changing my routine.

How is it working for me? Not that great. I mean, I'm comfortable..but nothing exciting has happened to me in a very long time. I haven't met new people, or done anything different since I can't remember.

The me of today, doesn't want to be spontaneous! My insides just won't let me! I'm on autopilot. Deviating from the plan stirs something in my core that I do not like to feel.

I get up in the morning, knowing exactly what the day has to offer. Work of course, can be unpredictable, but for some reason that is OK. I have made peace with it.

After work, I have a workout planned.

Once home from my workout, after tending my pets... I know what TV shows I'm going to watch every day. I even know what days I will or will not have wine. (it depends on what shows I am watching, and what meal I had for the day, to allow for the calories!)

You can't call me after the gym and ask me to do something. Even if it is just to stop by your house and hang out for a while, or meet at Starbucks. No, I have "plans".

My plans are to be at home.

Yes, I still leave the house, and I have a mostly active social life that actually doesn't involve the gym, or walking dogs at the animal rescue. I just have to have plans ahead of time to do so. I enjoy knowing by Wednesday, what I will be doing for the weekend. Otherwise, I plan to do my own thing, and I can't be swayed from that.

While I am perfectly comfortable with my life, I have remember what I accomplished the last time I stepped outside of my comfortable life...and then it kind of stirs some excitement inside of me.

If I'd never have stepped out of my comfort zone way back then, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I wouldn't have lost over 100 lbs! Or run 3 half marathons, and countless shorter races. I wouldn't be doing real push ups, and winning the best client in my boot camp classes. I wouldn't be focused on bettering myself.

I have to focus on the next set of amazing things that await me, and stop being comfortable where I am today.

I think a lot of people who lose a lot of weight reach this point. You get scared. You assume once you reach a goal, you are done. So you settle into a routine. The work stops.

I don't want to be one of the stereotypes..I think it only brings up more obstacles to conquer!

It never gets easy, just because you are a certain weight. You always have more to work on. I think I assumed it would be cake once I fit into single digit clothing.

I need to set my sights on the next big thing, and every little step outside of what I am use to, is in the right direction!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Is It Hot in Here?...

It's been hot as balls here in NE Ohio. And what I mean by that is...the mid to high 80's and 90's and over 60% humidity. We aren't use to that sort of thing.

I got my electric bill for last month, that was close to $200 bucks. I've never ever had an electric bill even at $100, so frugal me says....eff that, sweat it out lady, it's FREE! But hard working me says...you deserve to not be sweating bullets when you are home relaxing after a hard day's work, and working out.

I'm conflicted, you guys!!

Mr. Magoo has a sweet pool to cool off in after running around outside. I'm kind of wondering why I got such a small pool. Maybe I should have got a kiddie pool vs. a doggie pool? See why I don't have human children? I have pool envy! 

I went to see a Johnny Cash tribute band this past weekend with my Momma. 
He had a mullet and everything!

They were a really good band. I'm not a huge fan of Johnny's, but I am in love with his story on Walk the Line. I've probably seen it 20 times if I'm being modest. 

The venue for said concert was at a lake that I actually use to swim in growing up...needless to say that was banned about 2 decades ago...

Magoo loved all the attention he got at the concert!

How are you beating the heat this summer??

Monday, July 08, 2013

Training Just Got Serious!...

It's just a bit over a month until my next half marathon. In Virginia Beach. I'm not worried that I can't do it, because I've done it twice. I know what to expect, and I know my body well enough to know when to take it easy and when to push myself, and how it feels to run for 13.1 miles.

I have spent the last 8 months since my last half marathon focused on strength and core training, more than running.

This added training has actually made running easier for me! That is, when I run. 

I've been pretty lax about my running for a few months now. I've only gotten in a few miles here and there, vs. my usual runs 5 days a week... and the ones I've had, have been on the treadmill. 

My gym is right near the parks I like to run in. So, this weekend, after a class I decided I was already sweaty and gross, and I just needed to get out there.

And then it all came back.

I had forgotten what an outside run brings to the table. Not just the unknown terrain, that challenges my body, but the being outside. Battling the elements. Taking in the amazing scenery that I am so lucky to live so close to. Being inspired by other runners. Listening to my favorite songs, that just have a way of igniting a passion in me that makes me want to go just a little bit further. Just a little bit harder. Just a little bit more.

I am going to finish that half marathon in Virginia Beach. And more importantly, by doing so, I am going to make myself proud.

I am focused.

I'm dedicated.

And most importantly, I am just another girl, setting goals for myself, because no one else is going to do it for me.

Thursday, July 04, 2013

Kicking off the Holiday Weekend...

I had an absolute blast at the Kid Rock concert! We scored a round trip cab for 35 bucks, which meant we got to drink before and during the concert!

Side note, the older you get, the worse of an idea it is to drink chardonnay, followed by beer.....

The bad part was the mile plus walk we had to get to the street, since due to traffic our cab wouldn't get inside to pick us up at any quick pace. Both me and one of my girlfriends fell victim to one of the many mud pits, and we both had to leave behind our sandals. Although she did think she saved hers from despair, only to find out later, she dug out one of hers, and one of mine.


I feel kinda bad for our cabby who was sexually harassed by one of my girlfriends, even after we were dropped off...but that's the stuff memories are made of, and he won't forget us anytime soon.

The night ended like this.

I really miss my sandals, and cleaning my tub after all that mud the next day was not a fun task!

What fun holiday plans do you have in order?

Monday, July 01, 2013

Cinderella Had One Thing Right...

My record stay here in singlehood, (we're going on years now people) has really forced me to take a look at myself. I think that's probably why I'm still single. I haven't figured my "stuff" out yet.

Why is it you can know what you want...but lack the ability to find it?

When I want a good running shoe, I try several on, jog around a bit, and instantly know if it is a good fit. I make the decision rather quickly, with no hard feelings about all those shoes left behind. I don't second guess my choice, I know it's the right shoe. I leave happily with my new shoes, and life is good.

Why do we choose to try on relationships that we know don't fit?

I had a few boyfriends before I met the ex husband my junior year of high school. None of them were right for me. And I knew he wasn't right for me either. But I still married him. At that time, youth made me believe he would change....for me. Well, that was a dumb idea.

I went from a bad marriage to a worse relationship. It was even more abusive, and yet, I had a really hard time leaving it. A dear friend MADE me leave and put me up until I found an apartment. So, ummm..yea, that one didn't work out for me either.

The next one treated me like gold. I wasn't the least bit attracted to him, but I still moved in with him because he was the first man who was good to me. He seemed "normal".  His parent's were still happily married. He seemed to have his "shit" together. But, inevitably, we grew apart, and that didn't work.

The rest has been played out via my blog. I met another guy and by then. I  thought I had my shit together too. As in...I wasn't living with another guy until we were engaged. So he saved up enough money to get me a ring, propose, and move in to mooch off of me for a year, while I supported him. He worked and stole just enough to support his drug habit. Fail.

Enter exmanfriend. The end all be all of my relationship highs and lows. I'd never felt the way I felt about him,   about ANYONE and he made me feel cherished. I thought the world of that guy, and for the first time in 30+ years, I thought I'd found the one. I was myself. Nothing was forced. I wasn't pretending, this is what it is suppose to feel like! Except, he just  wasn't in the same place as me, and we all know how that one ended.  

It kinda messed me up for a long while. For the first time I not only knew what I wanted on paper, but I knew how I wanted to feel when I was with someone.

And now, here we are. Dating, and thinking I've found one good one after another, only to not have any of the feelings I expect to have. I still haven't found "it". And it's hard for the guys to understand. You know, the "feeling" part. We can get along, and have loads in common, but I am looking for fireworks And I'm not into wasting my time if I don't feel them.

Sometimes I wonder if I am being irrational, and expecting too much, but I've grown enough since exmanfriend to not compare people to "him" anymore. And simply hold the people I date to a higher standard.

And that's where the shoes come in. I have to believe, that just like I know what a good fitting shoe feels like, so will I know what a good fitting relationship feels like.

I'm tired of tight, pinchy shoes that give me blisters.

Just as I've grown as a runner to value my feet enough to put some effort into the perfect shoe...so do I value my heart enough to put some effort into finding the right partner for my life.

Accepting this scenerio, has made being single seem less like an affliction, and more like a choice.