"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Child Free...

I have for a long time favored being child free, for being strapped down by kids. Giving up my life to take care of ungrateful children.
Last night at my Moms she encouraged me to get pregnant. To me, having kids is like some club that its members will do anything to have more people join.

People, especially those who have kids, find it very difficult to believe I don't want them. As if encouraging me to do it will change my mind.

I don't have that need that most women have. I also don't think they will enhance or better my life in any way because I'm a realist. I know that they will make things harder. And that if I want to have kids to keep a man, make someone marry me, or make me feel complete, those are all bad reasons.

I don't need to keep a man if he wants to leave let him. I made someone marry me back in 1996 and well, that lasted a whopping two years. And, I am a complete person on my own. I love me, and enjoy my company. I don't have a problem being by myself and an interruption to my me time, would only piss me off and make me resent a child.

I saw this at planned parenthood last weekend (where I spent my Saturday morning.....needless to say I finally made an appointment at the real gyno so I can stop having to pick up my pills there each month) A book called No Kids By Corrine Maier.
I just think everyone's life decisions deserve respect. I understand wanting kids. It's just not for me. And I don't think I should be made out to be abnormal because I'd rather have my freedom.

Plus, I'm already the mother of 4 cats and a smelly dog. (and one fish...RIP Kate.....)


Beth Houston said...

Could not agree with you more, and why is it that if you don't want children that people assume you can't have them. I'm with ya!!

Katrina said...

Excellent post. I agree with every letter! People think Ken and are odd. They don't see us as a 'family'. I guess in order to have a family human children must be included. We ARE a family. I'm always getting asked when we will have babies. It surprises some people how blunt I am about it, but I'm sick of it just being assumed. There is a choice you know! Do you remember when you and the xhusband tried to camp at Clays Park and they said you had to be a family? That was so insulting. You guys were MARRIED. You were a family!

Suzi said...

Hey, I completely agree! It's not even that unusual anymore; I know quite a few people who have opted to be child free. On occasion, I wish I were one of them. Still, here are 10 reasons in favor of having kids that I'll bet you didn't think of:

• You always have somebody around to insult in order to make yourself feel superior.

• Order a kids meals and people assume it's for the kid

• When they turn 16, Happy Birthday, Sober Cab!

• You have somebody to blame when your boss finds porn on your work laptop.

• When they turn 8, Happy Birthday, hope you like your new lawn mower!

• Mix Mommy a vodka tonic, huh baby?

• Yank a toddler into the ladies' room with you, move urgently and mention diarrhea, and you get a free pass to the front of the line.

• A cute baby has a high street value when it comes to bartering for drugs.

• A stroller is an excellent piece of shoplifting equipment. Make sure to put the kid in a snowsuit that's roomy enough to fit a fifth of vodka in each leg.

• If the kid has any talent whatsoever, you can exploit it to your financial benefit.

Carmen said...

Great post. When I tell people I don't want kids I get one of two responses... the first is kind of a raised eyebrow which I take to mean "what's wrong with her - is she broken?", and the second is "oh - that is just what you say now... you'll eventually want them."

I figure I have lived 32 years without wanting them (except when I was like 5 and wanted twins - a boy and a girl...), and for whatever reason I choose not to have them - it is better for me to know I don't want them and not to have them rather than be a bitter mom.

Ms. Megan said...

I agree... I didn't want to have kids... but a litle accident and I had one, I love him to death but people look at me funny when I say I don't want anymore... I mean this one will be 18 the same year I turn 40... I will be semi-free again... and just thinking about popping out another one and adding 6 years to when I will be kidless again just scares me!

Andhari said...

"I don't think I should be made out to be abnormal because I'd rather have my freedom."

Very well said, this wish should be respected. I'm freaked out seeing people around me popping one in such early age, I'm still 21 and so do them. I don't think I wanna have them soon.

texang said...

I, too, don't want kids, never have... and I have the fact that people assume just because I am a 36 y.o. woman and don't want kids, they somehow think there's something wrong with me... Hate that.

I respect your decision and support it!

Fizzgig said...

It's good to know so many people think that way too. I think people who have kids assume that you want them because "most" women do. and that when your clock starts to tick it will be too late. (suzi, your points were hilarious!!)

LiLu said...

I *thought* I didn't want kids.

After two cats?



merider (M.E.-rider) said...

I always have considered kids a decision made by two people truly committed to bringing life into this world. I would gag when girls at my high school would talk about how they couldn't wait to get married and have kids. Huh? How about not focusing on the "kids" part. Always seemed back-asswards, if you get my meaning. Anyway, I'm with you, woman. You are so my people. ;-)

Teena in Toronto said...

I always knew I didn't want to have kids. As the oldest of three kids, I took care of my brother and sister a lot so feel like I've raised my family, thanks!

I got my tubes tied when I was 30 (so 17 years ago) and have never regretted it.

Fizzgig said...


they wont let us do that here...

sazza said...

I too, felt exactly the same way until around a year ago. I dunno what happened, but I am really looking forward to starting a family now!

Robin said...

I still don't understand why people are always trying to convince me to have children, people who won't benefit from it at all. It is like a club or a cult, they keep trying to recruit. I don't believe it's completely because they want you to find the "happiness" they found, I'm not sure what it is though.

Anonymous said...

Count me in.

I don't want any, either, and I see nothing wrong with it. I think HAVING kids is selfish.