"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Jenkies, I've been hella busy. My work days are flying by. I have been doing 10 workouts a week in addition, and it seems like before I know it, it's going to be fall!

The good news about all of this is, I am down 20lbs in my first month, and well on my way to my 40lb goal! I can hardly believe how fast it is coming off, but I guess when you put in the effort you have to see results. I am really kicking some serious ass.

The good part is my clothes are falling off of me. That's also the bad part. With the cost of bootcamp, and healthy eating, I don't have much left for a new wardrobe, and havn't yet decided what to do about it. I have some smaller clothes I have been filling in with, but that wont get me through the summer.

I want to wait until goal to buy lots of stuff!

I also started P90X on my "off day" from bootcamp.

I survived Easter with having about a cup of mashed potatos, and a small 1/4" sliver of white cake as my only cheat, and no candy. It really is all in the mind. Once you master your mind, it's not so hard to resist foods. It seemed so impossible for years. I always had the workouts down, but not the food.

I'm interviewing for a new secretary, doing three jobs in the process, and possibly getting a new boss which may have its good and bad points. It will help develop me as a manager, but theres potential for conflict.

So, I'm just doing me right now. I'm finding time to attend meditation, and tan in between my busy workout schedule, take the dog to the park, and visit friends and family, and I look forward to redbox movies and a (me size) glass of wine on the weekend with the dog and cats. I am content.

I'm making myself a priority. And I must say, it feels absolutely fantastic! I've never been happier! It feels amazing to accomplish goals I've set for myself, and really change my life even more for the better.

And, I have a crush on someone at work. I know, right? It's innocent enough, it makes for lots of laughs if nothing else.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Young Love, A Facebook Story...

I know everyone loves how facebook brings back people from your past, but this is one I had totally forgotten about, and it made me nostalgic for the good old days! I got a friend request from a guy I tried to place the name that sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't see the picture until I accepted him. I am not big on accepting strangers as friends, so I quickly visited his page after friending him, before (if he were a creep) he could creep on my profile, and get into my bizness! It was him! This boy I use to "go with". You remember, when your parents always thought it was HIGH larious to say "where are you going?"

Only this wasnt an average going out kinda thing. I went to one school and he went to another. I don't even really remember how exactly we met...but the important thing is, we did meet. And we use to write letters, and send pictures back and forth. (Mind you if we drove it was like a 15 minute drive to this other school)

But yea, like letters, with a pen and notebook paper. And pictures, not digital, ones that you had to take to get developed, and could actually hold in your hand. And pin up in your locker! And had phone calls, you know like when the phone rang into your house, and if you weren't home you didn't get it, so you would sit by the phone...willing it to ring. Getting pissed when your Mom gabbed on the phone for hours!

And seeing each other? This occurred only twice. At his schools football game, and my schools football game. And it wasn't like we spent the whole game together, oh no..I was in THE BAND, and we only had the third quarter free. "Third quarter privleges" this is called.

So we had made plans to meet, so we could walk around the track and hold hands. Holding hands! This one simple thing, was so exciting!

I guess I am getting older because I really miss the times before I met assholes who hurt me, and ruined that hopeful young love. Who made me think that holding hands wasn't enough, and I wasn't enough.

When things were simple. When distance didn't matter, and you didn't worry that someone would "cheat" on you because you were never around. And..getting a phone call or a letter was enough to sustain something.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I didn't die from not giving into these cravings. But ever notice how much you want things simply cus you can't have them? Why is that, oh great and wise universe?

  • Root beer float

  • Cream Soda

  • Reese Cup

  • Starburst jelly beans

  • Girl Scout Cookies

  • Pita bread that came with my salad and I had to give away

  • A Coke (ca-cola) with lots of ice, fizzy deliciousness

  • Oddly enough, someone's ramon noodles at work

  • Mashed potatos, with cheese, rice, stuffing, and ranch dressing all mixed up in a bowl!

  • Chocolate Vodka

  • Whipped Cream Vodka

  • Cherry Vodka

  • Orange Vodka

  • Blueberry Vodka

  • Vodka Vodka

  • Sunkist to mix with above vodkas

  • Reese Eggs (now they have teeny tiny ones too....)

  • Someone to blow up the Reese factory so no more eggs can be made. If i cant have em no one should!

  • A new puppy, not to eat, but to distract me from wanting to eat.

  • A whole block of cheese. I'm not picky about the type. Just as long as I get the whole block.

  • A carton of girl scout samoas ice cream by Edy's. mmmmmm

  • A glass of milk (I mean seriously, I can't even have MILK for 12 weeks!!!!)

  • Any whole entire bottle of wine from Breitenbach's Winery, because they are all so good. But in particular, Roadhouse red. Or, Raspberry. Oh my!!!!

  • Deep fried tater tots, covered in mounds of ketchup

  • chicken salad on a bagel

  • A giant Blue Moon on draft

  • Make that two Blue Moon's

The only really great thing I can say about not having these above named items, is that I didn't die from it. I usually get panicked when I have a craving like if I don't give in to it, I'll just die.

I've also learned that after 3 weeks of not having any processed foods, sugar, or complex carbs, that I really don't get hungry nearly as often as I did before. This is also because I am to eat every few hours like clockwork, hungry or not.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Happy Post...

Someone lost another six pounds (12lb 2 week total) this past week, along with 4% body fat. While I'm super excited and proud, it is a LOT of work! I am working out 8 times in 5 days, and pretty much my life is working out right now. It's working out, thinking about working out, thinking about eating every few hours and planning my day around it, and when I'm weighing in so I can get my workouts in, lots and lots of sleep, and washing of sweaty ass clothes.

It really takes a lot of dedication and time, and effort. I don't have much time for socializing, although I did manage to go to dinner and a movie the past two weekends, and I made good choices, and still lost weight. And I probably made the waitresses think I was a fish, as I drink on average 5 glasses of water with dinner. It helps with the cravings..and the urge to reach out and steal someone elses bread, and run off with it while screaming "my preciousssssss."

Overheard at bootcamp this past week "ok jacks, 30 sets (of 10) 29....28....27....26.....26.....27....30....29"

This went on and on and on until oh I don't know we did a gillion sets instead of 30.

And on Friday, I had A GLASS of wine and enjoyed it. Not that I don't enjoy an entire bottle of wine, but I guess when you think about adding another day worth of workouts into the mix to burn it off, it puts it all into perspective.

What else did I do this weekend? Well I got my bonus at work so I had work done to the car and it drives swimmingly! Then I had work on the dog done. We sat at a shot clinic (to benefit the animal rescue so its worth it) for 2.5 hours. Then he had a vet appointment, his very first one. Where I learned what was wrong with his poopie little eye. He suffered a puncture wound as a puppy and it was never treated, and scarred over, and that is why its so much smaller than his other eye. I think every day I hate puppy mills a little bit more, if that is possible. I'm so glad he has me for a Momma now, and knows love, snuggly beds, scratches on the head, treats and "play".

At the dog park, a big dog peed on little Magoo's head. He didn't even miss a beat and kept on trucking.

I mean, look at his post-doggie park, going bye bye in the car happy face!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

It's good to have dreams....Unless they terrify you..

I've been having some recurring dreams latley. I'm trapped somewhere. In a car, in a closet, in an elevator, and I can't breathe. In my dream I think..."I'm not claustrophobic....wake up...wake up"

And I wake up gasping for air. My favorite dream to have, is when I'm sleeping and I'm either in bed, and wake up to a man over me, about to attack me and I can't scream. Or, I'm asleep, and I get up to pee, and someone is hiding in my bathroom closet to attack me, and I can't scream. Or a ghost attacks me and I can't scream, and it won't leave.

Last night, the ghost was Ellen Degeneres. The common theme is I can't scream. It means that I've been left alone to deal with something and I wish someone would hear and help me. (in dream interpretation) Gee, now I wonder what this would have to do with.

Not the fact that I end just about every night in bed thinking about someone I really should despise. I need to get over that. Pronto! The fact that I'm physically exhausted from my workouts, is enough to make me insane. Add to that at least one nightmare an evening, where I can't fall back asleep for hours. Then sprinkle it with a dash of one of my employees got promoted (good for her, and me cus I'm the one who hired her) at the exact same time that I have one going out on maternity leave, making me do THREE peoples jobs, plus interview and hire a new person, and you have a recipe for the next couple of months flying by.

I also have to deal with one (annoying coworker) not getting the job and having some animocity towards the other.

Monday, April 04, 2011

Week 1 Result...

Well the fruits of my labor have paid off. Week one I'm down 6lbs. Which is 1lb a day since the program started sunday and ended Friday. This is a result of a very intricate diet, which I have all individually frozen in the freezer for my convenience. And 8 workouts in 6 days. So, no starvation tactics needed. Just pure old fashioned ass kicking. I am determined to keep an average of 4lbs to meet my 12 week goal! If I do that, I will have lost 100lbs!! (in 4 years mind you) I stopped craving carbs so desperately. After just a few days. I'm not sure why but giving them up other times made me unbearably miserable. I think since I'm having them in the natural form helps. But what I havn't stopped thinking and dreaming about is this.

Why would they come out with such a monstrosity? I have thought about buying one and freezing it so I can enjoy some in 12 weeks, but I know myself. And I know that I'll inevitably in a moment of weakness hack it apart in its frozen form and eat it all.

Reese eggs are the devil.

Speaking of the devil, I saw Insidious this weekend. It was cre-eee-epy.