"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, March 25, 2013

If I'm So Awesome, Why am I Still Single...

I tell you what. Before I embarked upon my journey of self discovery, self improvement, and fitness, I sure had a lot more dates!

I certainly don't have movie star looks, but I'm starting to sympathize with them. You know, like when they are asked if they are dating and they say "I havn't been asked out in.....(fill in the blanks)".  And you think "boo-hoo, rich movie star, you don't have a date..I feel soooo sorry for you."

But then the average Jane can totally relate! When I felt like crap about myself, and barely had a pot to piss in, I got asked out all the time. Now that I am happy with myself, have money, and nice things...crickets!

I like to tell myself that it just means I am meant for greater things. The wait will be worth it. And sure, when I activate my online dating profile I get a ton of messages, but how many of them are from someone I would actually see myself dating? Zero.

My friends say I should take things into my own hands and initiate conversations with guys. As practice.

The thought terrified me, but recently I've had success with talking to married, non-threatening men who take classes with me at the gym. So I discovered, it isn't all boys who terrify me. It's just the cute ones!

So I decided at Earth Fare, I should ask a cute stock boy if they sold peanut flour. I learned this where I learn most things, from watching TV! It was on an episode of MTV's "Made" where the girl was also terrified to talk to boys.

In the end, I shared way too much information about my search for peanut flour. Where I'd looked, and what I wanted it for. And since they didn't sell it, I had no idea when or how to end the conversation.

I got the feeling he just thought I was weird. Or desperate for a friend.

I swear, internets, I am NOT socially akward. I just have zero game!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Scale Can Really Be an Asshole...

Day 12 on this island...

I'm trying to win a year's membership at my gym. So I can use my saved membership fee, and sign up for semi-private training, which as part of the challenge, I get for free, and have been doing for the past 12 days.

I LOVE it! 

I have been taking 2 classes a day, and running in between them. I'm like a mother effing machine! So, much like when I dropped all my major ell bees, I'm living at the gym. They all know my name. It's my own personal "Cheers" and I am its "Norm".

I had my one on one consultation with my trainer last night, and the best thing that came out of it was she told me how much my fitness level has increased in just the few training sessions we've had. (I can totally notice too!!!) Going over my schedule, and my nutrition was the best, because she said I was doing everything right.

Me?! What an inspiration! 

I hit a plateau long ago, and adding the strength and endurance training will get me to my goal of losing 20-30lbs more. And being a faster, more efficient runner.

The only advice was to take a multi-vitamin, and add a protein shake post work out since I have the bulk of my calories during the day, before working out, and my body needs more at night to build muscle, and burn fat while I rest. I can do that!

So, imagine my horror when after 12 days of INTENSE training, and a superb consultation with my trainer, I was feeling on top of the world.....until I stepped on the scale, you know,  just to see what was going on ...what was going on was that I had gained 3lbs!

They told me not to do it. Not for 24 days! But I couldn't resist!

Yes, this is a fat loss challenge, not a weight loss challenge, and the goal is to build muscle and burn fat, but 3lbs in 12 days? I was appalled!

All the hard work is worth it though. I am learning when I am pushed to my limits, I can surpass them!!

Plus, my trainer told me I was an athlete.

"Psh, I'm no athlete, I still have weight to lose"

And she said my new most favorite phrase..

"Being an athlete isn't about what your body looks like, it's about what it can do"

Here is to the next 12 days on the challenge! Wish me luck!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Running the Shamrock...2013 Race Season Starts!...

This St. Patties day, I did not partake in any celebratory drinking. No green beer. No bar. Not a single glass of wine. But, it was all for good reason... I had a race to prepare for, and a medal to earn!

Instead, I spent my Saturday drinking water like it was my job, sticking to my "diet", and watching "Frankenweenie". (cute movie btw)

The course was described as "challenging, hilly, our hardest course". Normally, I like to stick to "easy" and "flat".

I was a bit worried about my performance, because I have been killing myself in the gym every day, and I usually like to take a few days off before a race. But I have a schedule, and I stuck to all my training.

And have I mentioned, I don't train on hills?

Plus this guy knew I could do it...

It was indeed, challenging. I had anticipated on a normal 9 miles, to finish in an hour and a half. This one, I thought, as long as I'm not over 2 hours, I'll feel great about it. 

You don't understand this disclaimer, until after you run the course. But damn, it makes you feel good when you do!

The hills? They were massive. And never ending. The best surprise was at the bottom of the worst/longest 2 mile hill, (that was so wind-ey and steep you couldn't see an end, so I kept my eyes down) when my BFF came bounding out from the trees to run with me!!

She came to run the hardest part with me! If it weren't for her I'd have walked the whole thing and felt defeated. It was so full of awesome!

When she left me just past the crest, I had just 3 miles to go. And as we like to say...Anyone can run 3 miles!

Those miles that she assured me were "easy"? Were mostly hills as well. Just when you got to the top of a hill, you had a slightly smaller hill, until... another hill!

About a mile and a half later I saw a girl bringing me water at a water station, that I was going to pass...(I don't wear my glasses/contacts running) and it was her again!! Telling me to "kick its' ass!!" 

Then, at the finish? She was there again to yell my name, and to tell me to pick it up and finish strong!

A good friend, might come to cheer you on, but a best friend will come and run "bandit" with you so that you don't give up!

And given that I have NEVER had any race support on any of my races, it meant the world to me!!

Did I mention it was a blustery 32 degrees, wet, and snowy? 

In the end, I  finished at 1:45:27. A 11.19 minute mile. I can run a flat 15k in an hour and a half, so I expected to finish at 2 hours, due to the course. I outran my anticipated time, which is a win to me!!

Last season, I couldn't have done it. I would have finished far slower! I would have walked all the hills vs. at the very least, slow jogging 99% of them. All the extra training I have put in, is actually working

Whoda thunk?

Since I burned over 1,100 calories just from my run, and stayed away from alcohol, I treated myself to a non-24 day challenge treat of a chicken pot pie from my favorite grocery store. And I loved every.. last... tidbit!

So, what did you do this St. Patty's day?

Monday, March 11, 2013

I Love a Challenge...

This coming weekend kicks off the start of race season for me! A St. Patty's day 15k!

I didn't ever research it, it just sounded fun, and you get a medal. So, count me in! Recently I looked up the course map which was described as "Challenging. Our toughest race. Very hilly."

Ehhh....well...I don't train on hills of any sort. I train flat. I have no time in mind since it's my first 15k, and as long as I finish without puking or having to have an impromtu "off road #2", (like in my final race last season) I'll consider it a win!

I also signed up for a challenge at my gym. I get some added perks like semi-private training, and a "diet system" which I'm not really following to a T since I already eat clean. However, I get 300 more calories a day that I'm enjoying, and carbs!! Healthy choices, but carbs nonetheless!

If I lose the most % of body fat in the 24 days, I could win a free years membership at my gym. And, since I'm frugal, AND I like a challenge, it's game on!

I signed up for my first semi-private class (4 people and a trainer) which was "only 30 minutes" so I still signed up for my regular spinning class immediately following.

But that "only 30 minute" class was brutal. It was 90 seconds of intense cardio, followed by 2 minutes of heavy weights. Later, rinse, repeat, non-stop.

To me, heavy was 10lbs. She took those from me, and handed me 20lbs. And, a 50lb bar for biceps and chest. Heh??!!

Suprisingly, I pushed thru though, since it was slow, controlled, timed weight lifting. I have to learn to trust my trainer.

And then I did spinning. And then I went home to rest for a minute on the couch, and I passed out before I even showered.

A challenge, indeed!

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

On Potential Stalkers...Online Dating

I'd been messaging back and forth here and there since about December with a guy. Nothing major, but no red flags. So, when he gave me his digits I used the balls I grew last month, and called him.

Wow, what a great conversation! We talked for an hour and a half, laughed, the conversation flowed, everything seemed great. Lots of things in common. I was excited when we made plans to meet two days later for coffee. I even texted my Momma to let her know I may have actually met a dateable guy.

Luckily the crazy train pulled into town before that ever happened.

25 minutes after our first conversation he started sending me more pics of himself. Ok. Then he texted me fishing for compliments on the pictures. Then, he asked me to send  him pics. And asked me twice if I did it. Then asked if he should reboot his phone to see the pictures I didn't send.

When I didn't respond he called me. He wanted to tell me he was on his way to get dinner. And ask if I liked his pictures.

20 minutes later, he called to tell me he was done with dinner, and he couldn't wait to meet me. We talked for about 10 minutes.

In the next 20 minutes I got quite a few texts about how beautiful I am and how excited he is to meet me. And by the way, did I send him pictures?

Then, you guessed it. He called again!

This time I didn't answer. I mean, really? Mr. independant, OK with a girl having her own life, couldn't stand that I didn't text him right back within seconds.

Then after several more texts, he texted me that he was sorry if he was bothering me but he was so excited to talk to an amazing girl like me.

I think all these compliments work for people with no self esteem, but buddy, I know I'm awesome, and you are laying it on a little too thick in the first couple of hours.

Then, it was 9:00 and everyone knows The Walking Dead is on. So I texted him that I was busy with watching my show, it was my sacred time.

He texted me "oh, ok, enjoy your show, text me later if you want".

A few more of his texts came thru, that I ignored because, I'm busy...so then he sent "aren't there any commercials in that show?"

Then he sent me a youtube video by Kenny Chesney called "come on over".  Which I didn't even watch. Followed by a Rascal Flatts video "God bless the broken road". Ehh, you know me a few hours, and you thank god we met?

Um...it's too much!

Then he texted me "I can see you thru your window...boo! LOL"

LOL? Really, that's funny?

Followed by "did I scare you?"

This went on for a long time, until finally I texted him I was going to bed.

The next morning I had 3 texts between 7 and 7:25 when I got up. They were full of terms of endearment, hope you slept well beautiful's, and lots of "xoxo's" . Followed by a phone call at 7:30 am, that I did not answer, because a) you are crazy and b) I'm getting ready for my JOB!

Then, several more texts. After an "are you alive?" text,  I finally told him around 9 am, that my heart is beating, and I was in fact....working.

He said he was off work that day. And told me not to work too hard. Call him later.

I mean, this went on and on, and on and on and on and onnnnnn!

It was obvious, I had to block this guys number. So I texted I didn't think I was ready to meet someone off the internet.

And then I blocked his number from calling or texting me.

Then, a few hours later... I blocked 4 more numbers that kept calling me. When I googled the numbers, they were from his place of employment. Where, he was not working that day but was steady calling me like a champ. 

The following day was quiet, until 2pm. When I was on my lunch break, running...and got another call, 1 digit off from a blocked number from the previous day. From his work. So he was trying all the lines at the job.

I blocked it as well.

After the gym that night, I got yet another missed call from his place of employment and a garbled VM that I can't decipher.

I blocked that number as well.

And I had an entire day of peace. 

I mean really? All that mess because of an hour and a half conversation, and a potential coffee date? Even saying you are not into someone isn't enough. If someone told me that, I'd be over it in a second.

But then I'm not crazy.

The best comment comes from my Mom, who is addicted to the ID channel, and relates all stories back to being murdered and stuffed in a trunk. "Well, you know how men are crazy for sex and murder".

Thanks Mom!

Aaaaand....fade to the single girl who is perfectly content with being single.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

When I Grew Balls...

You may or may not remember my posts about how I have the hots for a security guard at work, (which I have not so successfully hidden for about two years) who said he had a girlfriend when he was asked by others, but still feels the need to turn around when he passes my desk to check me out whenever he passes by.

Recently another coworker asked him again if he was single, and he said no, but asked "who wanted to know". And even though she says she didn't tell him, she was quitting in 2 weeks, so I know she told him, I'm no dummy!

He told her that "she could at least say "hi". That was a few weeks ago. I couldn't say hi like the next day. That would be more obvious than me averting my eyes as he walks by...

This past week, I ran into him outside of my department. And usually, I retreat in the opposite direction to not so non-chalantly avoid passing him....No, this time, I forged on. Caught his eye, and, I actually said "hi".

He said "hi" back!!!!

No, I am not in 6th grade, I am just scared shitless to talk to a boy I think is cute. Boys should pursue girls, so being friendly to strangers is not my forte!  Plus, he wears a uniform. And carries a gun. And handcuffs. And is an EMT to boot.


Now the ice is broken. We'll be buddies in no time, and once he realizes how charming I am, he will probably propose to me, and we will live happily ever after! I can't wait to detail all of this in my wedding speech.

Of course, I must say to the karma Gods...if he does in fact really have a girlfriend, and it is not just a cover, I want no parts in breaking that up.

I have a clean karma pond, and I intend to keep it that way.