"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I Do Not Like Them Sam I Am....

I'd like to point out that I still feel like ass from eating crap this weekend at the party. You really are what you eat. That is 100% the truth. I in fact, feel like actual turds. Here is where I complain a lot. I'm really tired of working out. I mean....really, really, realllllly tired. Sick to death. Pissed off I do not want to do it. I hate it. I'm going on two weeks now where I really would rather eat hot dogs than work out. (I loathe hot dogs) I have no desire to continue. I can't even come up with enough words to describe how much I hate it, I hate it so much. This is normally when I would give up. Supposedly, if you keep going thru this little slump, it'll just go away. Well, it needs to hurry the fuck up. I'm tired of being sore. I'm tired of devoting 2 hours a night to exercise. But, I do. I keep on keepin' on. Patience, is not my virtue. I want someone to *poof* me thin.

I spent like half an hour trying to get a picture of myself for progress in the mirror. This is some tricky shit, to get a photo without the flash blurring the whole thing out. This is as good as it gets. I'd like to point out that in May I couldnt even button these shorts by at least an inch. For my next trick, I might dig up a before photo, and I want to get one wearing the pants I have to wear every day that don't fit me by a couple inches. Cus I'm too poor to afford new clothes. BTW don't I have a killer tan? Thanks.

Did anyone catch the premiere of The Two Coreys? Am I the only one still in love with Corey Haim? Do you know that it's possible I could get him too, he seems pretty desperate to get laid. I'd blow your mind boy. You don't even know. I've got the radar for druggies. He too, wound up with drug problems. I should seriously consider working under cover for the police. I can spot the druggies by my attraction to them. What......the hell?

One of the secretaries got a coach wristlet from her VP. Now, when I first started I thought, no WAY do I want a girl VP. Now, I'm totally jealous. They are forever buying their girls cute little gifts, and Starbucks, and gift cards. You know what I got from one of my VP's? A post-it thank you for moving his office. I did a great job. I packed, unpacked, and organized his damn office into half the space he use to have. I suppose its better than nothing. And I did get small things when they went on a trip, but come on people. I always kid the other girls that when Christmas rolls around and I get a fat diamond, they will be jealous of ME. One can dream!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Discount Shopping and Fun at Work.....

I went to Save a Lot this weekend for groceries. Boy was that an experience.It was somewhat demeaning for me, as I have
never gone discount grocery shopping. First thing when I got there, was I noticed all the amish folk had their horses tied
up to the light poles. If the amish are there, it can't be that bad. Right? Well, you actually had to pay for a cart. I had
no idea how to work such a contraption, and I was pretty embaressed, so I left and went to another one closer to home,
where the carts were free. Bags however, cost three cents a peice. I didn't opt to purchase any bags. I'm a brand snob, so shopping where I didn't have a clue what things were, was pretty hard for me. I mean, it wasn't "Sam's choice", or "Valu-Time" generic, it was even more generic than that. I got an entire cart full of stuff for $45 bucks. The boy eats a lot of food people. I got back around 2pm on Saturday, and by the time I got up at noon on Sunday, he ate half a pkg of
White Walls (oreos), a box of Cheese Bits (cheeze its), two cans of pasta O's with meatballs, half a box of croc-o-crunch (cap'n crunch peanut butter), some cheese, three frozen burritos, and a frozen pizza. I didn't say anything. But I'm glad I didn't spend the money all at once. Seriously, boys are expensive. I don't recommend you get one.
I went to a party at kat's work this wknd. It was for the Hall of Fame something or other. The balloon launch was canceled. Which made me happy cus I didn't have anyone to go with me. There was a party going on next to kat's work at a church. Those lame-o's were loud with their "macarena" and "chicken dance" songs. We probably made them all pray for us with our
loud drunken shenanigans in the parking lot. What's the best part about parties at work? Drawing on the white board. I bet my Momma would be proud. I'm 31.

And, then we all took turns pretending we had penises. Well, the boys pretended theirs were that big.

While configuring my total fucked-ness in the cash flow department, I came across an amazing discovery. I get paid three times in August. I will pause, while you all rejoice for me......Ok, this is the reason like, 10 months out of the year I get paid less than my friends who make the same hourly wage as me. They get paid bi-monthly. They bring a little more home
each pay than I do. But then like, twice a year (thank GOD one time happens to be AUGUST!) I get an entire extra paycheck. Eat that! I might not be sailing up the river. Plus, I am working each weekend in August which blows, but the money will be nice.

Now, I'll be able to afford to take off 3 days UNPAID from the day job to visit my sister in Virginia. I suppose I'm going to get a one way ticket, cus she said she'd drive me back to Ohio and pick up my mom. Kinda like wife swap. Mom can see how it is to live with the boy and I'll live with the girl. Only, we won't be winning no fifty grand at the end. Me and my sister are gonna see EDWIN on the BEACH! This will be my first trip to see him with another true fan. We might get arrested or something. Seriously.

Friday, July 27, 2007

At Least I'm Not This Guy....

Ok so, who heard about this dillhole? You know, the guy who wanted to pay to drown someones kids, to watch the bubbles? Uh, let's mark this off as something to be thankful for in the life of me. I could be a freaking lunatic. Could be worse, right? I'm sure they will find he didn't have such a clean record. No one can claim that he wanted to drown kids cus the bubbles turned him on, without having done it already. Just my two cents.

This is newsworthy to me, because he happened to work at my alma mater. Well, the grade school I went to, same difference. Since I'm now old, I don't even know the new superintendant, or this dude. He just looks like a creep though, doesn't he?

In the life of me, I am actively pursuing a new second job. Or possibly a third job. I might surpass the world in the number of jobs held at once, because I will also take on a job during the week days after my full time job, if I find one. I'll work my 40 hour, then hopefully thru the week some, then on weekends at the police station, and doing that sample event gig. Probably like 70-80 hours a week. Hello, I am quite enjoying my 30's working all the time. Giving myself grey hair and wrinkles from the worry, so that when I get out of this mess I'm in to no fault of my own, I'll have to date some old dude that will pay for my plastic surgery, so I can snag a younger man.

Does that make me sound like a bitch? So what. I think I need to be a bitch. I'm tired of worrying about everyone else. I don't know when this all happened, cus I use to be all about looking out for #1.

I'm off to try to make sense of my bank account. As I wrote my rent check earlier this week, then spent money I didn't have to buy my brother cigarettes, and his prescriptions. Should the check clear before I get my part time job check on Tuesday, I'm in a heap of trouble. Plus, I owe the government money from 2005. They sent me a letter saying the $300 I paid them, on top of the thousands they took, wasn't enough. I'll be getting another bill. On the upside, I got an extra $14 check from the state of Ohio. I overpaid them. The sad thing is, that $14 is going to really help me out.

I talked to CP briefly yesterday from rehab. Life sounds real rough up in there. The worst part is he has to get up at 6:30. You know, like folk with jobs do. He got to watch Big Brother. Maybe I should pick me up an addiction? I know better than to tempt fate that way. I retract my last statement.

Tell me again, when do I start to enjoy my life?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Happiness Is A List...

Stuff that can potentially cheer me up. In no particular order Take notes:

A Phone call from Someone. Followed by a visit. Always gets the blood movin.

Someone to go to the balloon festival with.

Kat's work party on Saturday (only if I get to have a hayride in the parking lot)

The premiere of "The two Corey's" on A&E. T-t-t-talkin' 'bout my generation. Haim was my fave. Who was yours?

Speaking of TV, the preview special of "Flipping Out" did make me laugh, though did not break unhappiness. Being thankful I'm not that insane did make me happy. Being depressed that he can can employ someone specially to take his pets to the vet makes me sick.

Being able to afford to go see Edwin at the beach with my sister in September. A.K.A something to look forward to. Currently tickets cost $252 lowest price.

A bottle of Rodeo Red, or American Red. All. To. Myself. No, you can't even have a glass. Step off.

Someone to drive me to get said wine in Amish Country.

Two grand.

A neeeeeeeew car! (as announced by that Price is Right announcer guy)

Buying myself some jewelry. On my work account. Even though this would cost me in the long run. Sometimes temporary happiness is nice too.

A trip to Australia. Even if I'm not beach-ready. I would be in another world.

Meeting the man of my dreams.

Not doubting friendships.

Finding out my ex husband is getting divorced, and it breaks his heart.

Finding out my ex BF has something that'll make his dick fall off, that he didn't contract until AFTER we broke up, so I don't have it too.

Getting a sizeable raise. I'd settle for $2/hr. I don't ask for much.

Punching CP in the nads

A magic wand that would make all my worries go away

If someone would invent Re-Pet, like in that movie The Sixth Day.

Someone married my brother

Liposuction/breast lift/laser wrinkles away

Affording to get my hair done

Affording yogurt so my nails stop breaking. Two down.

Living my life, and not being judged for my decisions.

Being home in bed. Sleeping.

If someone would work out for me. I don't wanna.

Not having realized, that I lost 21 not 24 lbs. This knocked me down a few more notches. Math is hard.

Not having missed CP's call last night. Even if it was a good thing. My heart still aches.

If it was time to bring Lost back on TV. I'd settle for the DVD to freaking come out. I watched the finale for the billionth time. I forgot Locke killed Naomi. He's nuts.

*Feeling loved.

*By someone without fur.


Landing a sweet parking space at work. Which is in the works.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

All I Need's a Falling Star...

I wish I didn't wake up this morning with an 80 pound head. I wish I hadn't started my period, and ruined my pretty sheets. I wish my eyes weren't swollen, and disgusting. I wish I didn't have horrific cramps. I wish my heart didn't hurt. I wish people would understand. I wish I were smarter. I wish I didn't have such high hopes. I wish I could turn around and go back home into my bed. Where everything is OK. Secret. Peaceful. Private. Cats to comfort me with purrs. A dog to cuddle.

I wish everything didn't make me cry. I wish people wouldn't ask if I'm OK. I will be, but right now, no. I'm not OK at all. I wish I knew that I will be better. I wish I knew that it wasn't for nothing. I wish I didn't have to have a broken heart. I wish I didn't know I still had a heart. I wish I really felt the way I acted. I wish I didn't have to work two, maybe three jobs. I wish my brother would get better. I wish I had my own space. I wish I didn't have to take care of people who don't care for themselves.

I wish someone would take care of me. I wish I could stop crying. I wish I didn't worry. I wish I didn't care. I wish this was easy. I wish I'd learn my lesson.

I'm having a bad day. He's gone. He never came over last night. He called at 9:30 to tell me he had no money for me. And the title to his car is at his ex wives house. Asked if I'd come visit him..in rehab. What? I let him know that I'd be too busy working to visit him. The fact that he didn't even come to say goodbye to me for his own selfish reasons is what hurts the most. I thought we were friends. I guess I was wrong.

After everything I did for him, he hung up on me. And that was how it ended. Two years, a (broken) engagement, and a lot of drama, ending in a friendship, and it's over. Nevermind that we weren't "together" I thought that trying to move on would make it hurt less for me. It doesn't. This should be another lesson to me. You can't be friends with exes like that. Bad news.

I can't wait til tomorrow, when I take my brother to the hospital. I will have some time alone, to handle my emotions. That is all I want. Some time alone. I wish I didn't feel guilty for that. I wish I didn't feel bad for not having the money to make my brother better. I wish I could fix everything. I'd like to start with myself. Today I need it. I've been going along pretty good despite the situation, and making improvements for myself. This feels like a step back for me, but I'm trying to let myself have the feelings I'm feeling. I'm suppose to. I can't stuff them and ignore them, and let them come out another way.

Today, I am ok. Today, I am surviving. I am worthy of a good life, and it will come to me.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Another Day in Paradise...

I managed to work out Sunday. Even though, I felt like total shit on the inside. I'm pretty sad about the state of my life latley. I'm trying not to let it get me down. On top of that, I have PMS. As I'm listening to my coworker go on about her baby. I've heard this stupid story 5 times already today. I'm over listening to baby stories already. She's only been back a week.

CP called last night to tell me he would come today to bring me money. Which, I don't believe. He also said I could have his car tomorrow. Which, I don't believe. He went to court, and didn't get jail, but will carry a felony 5 on his record.

I'm really gonna miss having him around. I thought about that last night a lot. Just because he is a total screw up doesn't make me instantly stop liking him as a friend. I just don't wanna wait around to start my life anymore. WITH HIM. I want more for myself. You know, I don't even have enough money to move to a cheaper apartment if I wanted to. No security deposit, no first or last months rent. I'm just kinda stuck right now. I don't want to move, but I keep thinking about saving money. Something is telling me to move.

I can't even think about trying to go to school working the schedule I'm working. Midnights on the weekend, and 8-5 all week absolutely kills me. Working out 5 days a week, when I don't fucking want to. I'm always so exhausted, I'd have no time for homework, no time for school, and as things stand, no way I can go without working the second job. Thus, the reason I feel stuck. Universe? Speedy delivery a healing to my brother, so he can get his ass back to work and off of my couch.

Saturday Kat took my brother out for a few hours while I was home. It was so nice to have the place to myself. When they got back she asked if I slept all day. Sleep? Why would I waste a perfectly good day to myself by sleeping? I cleaned, and layed on my own couch. And enjoyed a mess-free table for a while.

I'm sure tonight I'm going to be bawling my eyes out. Tick tock.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Iz At The Poleez Stashun. Protektin Ur Peplz..

Friday night at work. There was no paperwork. Not one thing to do. The phone rang one time. And by that I mean, 1 ring, the person hung up. It was Dead. Not that it's a bad thing, but it made for a long night. I spent hours perusing LOL Cats sites. Which literally made me laugh my ass off. I guess you have to be a cat person. Only cat persons would think cats actualy had thoughts outside of. Hungry. Clean litter. Pet me. Go away. Throw toy. I actually have conversations w/them.

Saturday night was funny. A half hour after I get here, a group of 10 girls comes in, the one girl has on a veil. I thought maybe there was some bachelorette drama going on. She was doing a scavenger hunt. She asked if there was an officer here to write her a written warning. Which there wasn't. Then she asked if there was a fireman who could put on his fire suit. No. I said it's just me, their all out on calls. I asked if there was anything else I could get her, and she asked for a lock of mans chest hair. I said, I really wish I could get that for you. *sigh* I told her the bar where there are always a few cops doing security and they went up to find them. Oh, to be young and hopeful, and on the verge of marriage. Poor girl.

I think ever since I went with "new blogger" I hate it. Posts don't update. I hate it. I'm thinking about going to ride my bike when I get home at 7am. Just get the workout done, then if I laze around all day who cares? Thinking is not doing people.

You Take The Breath Right Out of Me....Long.

Last night, was the breaking point for me with CP. We all have one. You get shoved enough, you shove back. I shoved him, right out the door. I want things to change, but the only change I can make is with myself, and so I asked him to leave. It went a little something like this. I got home and he left and came right back, saying he has a flat tire, can he use my car to get fix-a-flat? No. He said he'd walk. Fine, it's not even a mile to the Circle K. I'm changing to workout, and he comes back, saying, if I take him to dollar general, it will save $4 and thats more money for me he can give me. And by the way I ask, where is my money? He wants to fix his tire before I get any. Fine. Mind you, he hasn't paid me but $60 in the last three weeks, when it costs 120 a week to live with me.

We get back, he works on the tire. I workout. He wants to talk after, where's my money I say? He'll give it to me in a minute. No, I say I'm eating, then getting a shower, we'll talk after that. That was when he disappeared. For an hour. He got back around 10, and I asked where my money was. He said "in the car want me to get it?" "yes" I say. He gets his wallet, waves it in my face open, and says see, it's in there. No, I don't see, I say. He pulls out $5. I said where is the rest of your money CP? "In the car want me to get it?" This is normally where I would say no, or wait and maybe forget to nag him, but this time I say yes. Because, 2 hours prior, he had $47. I go to the car with him. And ask where he has his drugs.

CP: I don't have anyMe: Cut the shitCP: Go ahead and look

This is where I tell you that CP has a trash heap for a car. Literally. You couldn't find a softball in the thing.

Me: What's this?

As I hold up a razor blade right on the passenger seat.

CP: That's oldMe: But it's on your seat. What's this?

As I pick up a CD case cover, with a white powder on it that I rub off with my finger

CP: Ashes
Me: I'm not a fucking idiot, I know what you've been doing

This is where I should state that he's been snorting oxy's on top of his billion vicoden a day addiction. Like the time I found 1/2 of a straw in my bedroom, and he said it was for coffee. It had white powder in it. Creamer, he said. Hmm, creamer has an asperin taste? He played it off as being old, so I bought that line.

Me: Whats this?

As I hold up a ripped baggie corner. Classic drug paraphanalea. The corner tear is bigger for weed, smaller for pills, medium for coke. I've been around a lot of druggies you see. He proceeds to give me some BS excuse for the baggie corner, to which I tell him to shut the fuck up. I go inside. And proceed to let it all out.

Me: Why won't you give me money? I am not asking you to cut off your fucking arm, you have been living here for free for the past three weeks, sponging off me, while I work two jobs to support three people, when I can barely support myself on two jobs. I can't do it anymore. I'm done with it. I can't make you realize what you are doing. You knew when you moved in here there were two rules. #1 no drugs. You've broken that one several times in a month and a half. #2 pay me weekly. This is the third week you havn't paid me. You aren't going to put me on a guilt trip because you are fucking up your life. Where were you the last hour?

CP: At the pay phone. And writing you a letter. I told you the truth in this letter. Me: Does that letter tell me how you've been using drugs? CP: YesMe: Right. I want you to know, that your drug dealer friends have called my brother incessently, and I talked to that girl Tracy you claim not to know. I know why you have been calling her, and you can stop fucking lying to me.
This is where I should state, that Tracy has been calling my brothers phone, leaving messages for CP by name, by nicknames of his name etc...yet CP has no idea who this girl is. Right.

CP: I don't know who that is
Me: Really? Well she said you've been buying drugs off of her. I wrote down all the phone numbers you've called, looked up the addresses of the ones I could, and I'm giving a list to Officer such and such in charge of your case tomorrow.There's more people's lives you are fucking up. You have four days til you go to rehab. Four days. You went to Detox, and had help getting off drugs. Yet, you still go back? You are going to die this way. And you dont' even care.

CP: Ok. I was ashamed to say that I was going to sell drugs to get you money. Can you tell me what numbers you have so I know who to watch my back from?
Me: Do I look like an idiot? No. And, I know you are doing drugs. Is that where my money went tonight?
CP: No. It's in my glovebox didn't you see it?
Me: No, I didn't. Go get it.
CP: I need it in case my tire goes flat on my way to work
Me: Where are you going to buy a tire at 12 am, or 7 am when you get off? Leave the money here, and get a ride home if that happens, give them gas money out of it.

CP wanted no part of my idea. In the long run, because he spent it. On what? Drugs. What did he tell me he spent $47 on? $3 worth of junk, and gas. As if I would get pissed he got gas? No, I get pissed cus you promised me 10 times you'd pay me, and spent the money on drugs instead. Then instead of saying (if it were true) "I needed gas" you said you had the money, and completely blew me off.

Me: You have no consideration for anyone, not even yourself. You are picking up trash off the streets, to support your drug habit. TRASH. Do you ever stop while you are doing that, and say...what the fuck am I doing? You've told so many lies, you don't even know what you are saying half the time. I'm done with it. You are not dragging me into your hole. You are fucking up your life, you're killing yourself, and I don't want to be a part of it. I want you out of here. You are not free loading off of me anymore. I feel bad, but not bad enough. I didn't do this to you. You are doing it to yourself.

CP: I know (this is all CP seems to say the entire time I'm ranting)

Me: I'm the only one you had left to give you a chance and now you have fucked this up too. You've pushed everyone to the brink and now I'm over it too. You have got a great opportunity to go to rehab, and you are fucking that up. You are going to die alone and miserable. You're 37 years old. When do you figure you are going to start living your life? If you told me you were a white male, I wouldn't belive it. Nothing you tell me is the truth. You lie about everything. I've had it. I'm done. I want you out of here. Now.

This went on for about a half hour. It felt good to tell him how I felt. I asked him to just go because I 'm so exhausted.

CP: Can I get a shower?
Me: No. It costs money to run the hot water
CP: But I havn't showered in over 24 hours I have to work tonight.
Me: That is not my problem. Maybe instead of tracking down drugs tonight, you could have taken a shower.
CP: Can I get my stuff
Me: Tomorrow you can
CP: Can I give you $100 tomorrow and come back?
Me: That won't happen. Today is tomorrow. Yesterday was tomorrow. The day before that was tomorrow. You get the picture. It won't happen. I'm done letting you string me along.
CP: But if I do, can I?
Me: If you want to come back here, you bring me money first thing to work, when you get off, otherwise I know you'll buy drugs with it. Don't think you're coming in this house my brother wont let you in until I call him.

I wanted to cry. Normally, I would've not let him leave once he got ready to go, because he really has no place to go. I told him to go stay with his drug friends. The funny thing is, one of the names on his call list, was on his AA sponser card. I said, why on earth don't you call these numbers when you want to use? Like you are suppose to? That is what they are for. Talk to someone who's been there. Clearly, he didn't want to be talked out of using. He took his stuff and left. I couldn't sleep all night.

This morning, he called me at 9am. To tell me he had my money. I said well bring it up here and you can go to my house. Of course, that never happened. I knew it wouldn't and that's why I'm happy with making him leave. Because eventually you get it. This isn't my first time around this track. I was so tired tonight I fell right asleep before coming into the midnight shift at the police station. CP called at 9:15. To tell me he is safe. That's nice, I say. Honestly, I was glad to know it. I thought he might have been dead or something. He told me he is at a halfway house, that he called one of his sponsors, and they are watching him there, and he will try to see me Sunday and give me the money that he claims he still has. Plus, the money from selling his car. I said, I'm not holding my breath.

You know I don't really believe that he is there. Or that he has money for me. Or, that I'll even see him again. I'm sick of the lies. I loathe liars. Honestly? I want to just cry my eyes out until I fall asleep, wake up, and cry some more. But, working 7 days a week doesn't allow for breakdowns.

And then I learned something.............................

When this is all over, when my brother is back home, and back to work. I am going to resume my life. I thank God that I don't know what he is going through. I'm happy to not be like CP. I'm happy with who I am, and how I handle my life. I am not mad at myself for giving him so many chances, because for the first time....EVER, I think of MYSELF as a kind, caring person. I normally don't think I am remotely giving. But this has truely opened my eyes to that part of my character. I can't be mad about that. If this is what it took to get me to see what other people see in me, I'm OK with it. I've thought for a long time I wanted to be a more caring person. It turns out I always have been. I've just been letting people use me. I've been letting people do it. Me.

All of life is about lessons. You learn in school, that 2 plus 2 is four, but until you actually add that up yourself, you don't really understand it. Something so simple. I've had a lot of lessons in my life. I am still trying to figure out what I'm suppose to use it for. I can't be going through it for nothing. There is a reason. All of the alchoholics, drug addicts I've loved. The divorce, the abuse. The addictions of my own. The loss of my Dad at 22. Losing my best friend at 15. The foreclosure. The reposession. the bankruptcy. The loss of two jobs. Loss of pets. If nothing else, I have something else to add to my life lessons folder.

Friday, July 20, 2007


Check back tomorrow for an official update. I'm working on my post about how I kicked CP to the curb last night, but I don't have the energy to finish it. And, the story isn't over. I work all wknd at the police station so I'll have plenty of time then. I'm mentally, and physically exhausted. I have a gi-normous blister on my foot from my walk last night, the lining rubbed off my walking shoes and the plastic rubbed my foot for 3 miles. Lovely.

Then after the drama, I dreamt I scratched huge crater holes into my scalp. It was horrible.

Until then, I'm about to deliver a list of phone numbers to the police department in regards to CP's case. I'm not just doing it to be mean, it's to protect me and my brother against ever being involved in the drug scene because of calls made from a phone in my name. I work too fucking hard for this shit to be happening to me. Some friend.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The One Where I Got Screwed....

When I got home after tanning, I worked out. Bleh. I'm forcing myself this week. I'm just not feelin' it. Then I made dinner for me and the brother. CP was there, and gave me the $ he made with his paystub, minus money he got cigarettes for my brother. It's the final countdown. He'll be gone after Monday. Seriously, I dunno how I'm going to afford things on my own. I don't even want to think about it. I'm not, however, going to get behind on my bills so my brother can be happy. I don't care how rude that seems. I've struggled too hard to get to a point where I can pay the bills. He's been off work 2 months. How much longer will it BEEEEEEEE? CP is selling his car now I guess. Just as well, I'm sure the brother wouldn't get around to paying me for it anyways.

Speaking of work and all that BS. A girl left me a msg from the police station last night. Apparently, she is quitting in September, and they are going to rotate the shifts, and havn't hired anyone yet to fill the last girls place (the one they let go for getting it on with officers). So I'm like, fuck this, I got online to look for a new PT job. There has to be something out there.Ummm, there, in black and white is my job posted:

Local police department is searching for a part-time data entry clerk to work in the evenings and on weekends. Job duties include sorting and distributing mail, processing tickets, entering data in records management software and processing reports. Candidates must have flexible schedule and be willing to work in the evenings, weekends and holidays.

Firstly, note how "evenings" so clearly translates to MIDNIGHTS. Which is what they told me when I got hired. Evenings. Yet, I'm working midnights. Guess how much the pay is offered for this job? $9.90. Yes, you saw that right. Guess how much I make? Guess how much the other 2 girls make? $8.00! How the fuck did we get the royal screw? That right there is reason enough to quit that damn place! Almost $2 an hour more? What? I called my coworker today, and told her to look the damn job up. She printed it out, and is taking it to the chief. I said you tell him I make $8 if he tries to say it's because it is a different temp service than you are at. (I'm at one that is posting the job, the other two girls are at another)

Shady motherfuckers. Plain and simple. I'm about to high-tail it to the border, and see how much I can make at Taco Bell. Bet I could at least pull down $8.50. Damn. I still blame the assholes who let me go at my last job for all of this. I was sitting pretty until then. I propose someone starts a fund for me. I dunno what we'll call it, but come up with a catchy name, and I'll accept all donations. Anyone......?

I got a call from someone last night, and I went over for a visit. I could tell CP was hurt, but not mad. Then, I felt like I was cheating on him. Why? Why do I care? Seriously? God certainly gave me a conscience. We're not togetherrrrrrrrrrrr! Besides that, I had a good time. I scared the shit out of him talking about how in the future they would get men to have babies. Men are so afraid of things that involve their penises other than sex. I visited for a couple hours. We watched Rob & Big. He made fun of me for partying out on Saturday. Hater.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Everything Old Is New Again....

Well here is a day in the life of me. I spent my lunch break yesterday going to the banks to spread my money around, and cash a check from my Momma so's I could feed my brother more than ramon noodles. I dunno whats wrong with those, but what do I know. I went to the grocery store right after work. I got 32 hamburgers. Thirty-two is a lotta hamburgers. And I'll make potato soup some time cus thats cheap and it lasts. The brother loves his saltines on everything so I got two boxes of those. I got generic 99 cent saltines. I dunno what the difference is. Normally, I don't scrimp on food items, but boys eat a lot on not a lot of money. Then since I got paid from my shitty part time job, I rented us some movies. It was a big night at my house. We had hamburgers, tater tots, and rented movies. Like living the life of someone else, that's for sure.

We watched of course, the hills have eyes 2 unrated. The only difference between that and when I saw it at the theater that I could tell was a scene where a mutant gets his eye poked out, and his head smashed, they showed the ooze and bashing. I also rented Dead Silence. It wasn't too bad. But I guess you'd have to have a thing against those creepy ventrilaquist dolls to appreciate it. Which, most people my age do. Growing up with Chucky and shit does something to you. I also rented premonition, but I didn't watch that yet.

Some things never cange. All day, CP had my brother's phone. He let him take it. CP called me at 4:30 to say he is on the way back home with his phone. 6:30, no CP. Not suprising. I was cooking dinner, we ate, and I'm calling him non stop. He isn't answering. He called me at 6:45, and said that he forgot his ID at the job place and had to go back but NOW he's on his way back. Ok. 7:15, he calls. Saying I might have to come get him, the car broke down and said where he was, then said some guy pulled over, and he'd call back. We watch a movie. 8:30, never hear from him. I'm calling. Steadily with no answer. So, I think what if he is walking? I drive where he said he was, and he's not there. When I get home, he's home. Shit went down. So, some stranger towed his car to his house, and fixed a wire on it all for free. Do you believe that? Cus, I don't.

I told him how I'm sick of him free-loading. "I'm working tonight" he said. I said you've worked 1 week out of 2 months you have been here!!!! He left at 11 "to go to work" When I got up this morning? He was home, not working. He claims to have worked 4 hours, and said he was going in 2-10. Then, he was gone when I left for work. God only knows where he thought he needed to be. I think with the shit going on, I'll be glad when he's gone. He keeps saying that he's GOING TO GIVE ME MONEY but then, 'bad luck' hits and he doesnt. Of course, I don't believe him. I wish he would shut the fuck up half the time and realize how stupid he sounds.

Meanwhile, he hasnt slept in like 24 hours and isn't home, but that doesn't make it look like he's on drugs, right? I'm over his bullshit games. I know he isn't going to work. I locked him out but he'll just wake up my brother. He is going to leave me that peice of shit car of his and if I'm lucky I'll junk it for 100 bucks. Meanwhile, he owes me $380. Have I mentioned how I'm poor? Karma is going to bite him in the ass a good one. Just like my ex Z. He'll get himself a deadbeat girlfriend, and I can't fucking wait! I'm so over this whole situation! He makes it so damned easy!

P.S. Today, I've lost 24 lbs. =)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Pat On The Back...

Today, I got a note from my boss at work. Followed by a literal "pat on the back." She really gave me a few good pats. Remember, we had that meeting, where we discussed how I didn't check my work because someone else would?

I really checked my newsletters, and checked them twice before passing them off to be proofed. I got this little note:

Well done! Very nice job. Well worth the extra effort you took and it definatly shows. Thank you for taking what was discussed in our meeting to heart and applying it to your work. Beautiful job.

I mean, I'm not one to brag, but c'mon, clearly, I rock. I've been also been taking seriously, how #1 on our daily task list is getting breakfast/coffee. I've been going the first half hour I'm at work now. That's serious alright. And now all the girls are jealous that I'm the favorite. I can't help my greatness.

I was shot right of my pedastal, when the 9 phone meetings I set up with district managers fell through for my VP. Those assholes never called in at their scheduled times, and it made me look bad. I'm not the one who got yelled at for missing a meeting, but I am the one who set them up. I also set them up monthly with no problems, so I think my VP knows better than to think it was my fault. I quickly confirmed the final four before they could screw up too. Dicks.

Speaking of work. A girls back from maternity leave. All she talks about is her damn kid. I mean, what is the point of becoming a mother if you lose all sense of yourself and your world becomes a child? She laughs. She cries. She shits. She eats. She cries. I mean its a baby. I just dont get it. My friends with kids aren't like that. They still are among the general population of the world that still have a lives. Yet another reason I don't want kids. They make you boring.

I felt a little better last night, after going on a bike ride with CP. Exercise is sure good for the soul. I hadn't worked out over the weekend. But I still got my five days. We went on another part of the towpath, we drove to it, and rode it until it ended. It was really a good one, mostly up hill, so I felt good about it.

I'm so exhausted. I can't wait to go back to work this weekend. Well, the money will be nice. Funny how life works out. I dunno what I'd be doing financially, if I weren't working every weekend. I don't want to, but I need to.

Monday, July 16, 2007


Boy, have I got the blues. I dunno what the hell my problem is. I have that achy feeling in your chest you get when you want to have a good cry, and the butterflies. But, I have no idea what is going on. I can't cry either. I've thought about it. I've tried. It aint comin' out. It was my first two days off in 28 days. I think its the first time I actually got to slow down, and not be working. I dunno. PMS. A woman's best friend? Could be.

My weekend was fine, Friday I took my brother to the Dr. I had to pay for his appointment. He goes next week for a skin graft. Nice. I spent the night cleaning the crib to get ready for the party on Saturday. I havn't drank really, in over a month. Too bad I tried to make up for it all in one night. I dunno how many beers I had before we walked to the festival. But when we got back I did a couple shots. And....had bourbon. Who the fuck drinks bourbon? Tayray broke the shit out, so I blame her. So, at midnight, I was in blowing chunks so bad that I'm still in pain from it. I had to lay down in bed. Therefore, not spending much quality time with someone who came. So, that pissed me off. Especially since I got into a huge fight with CP over him leaving the premises as to not ruin my evening with that someone.

Someone called me a few times later that evening, but no one gave me my phone. Fucking haters. I think that is probably whats wrong with me. I missed out on a good opportunity. Cus I'm a lightweight. I suck. That's what happens when you don't drink. Lesson to be learned. Keep alchohol in system always. Then you wont barf all night when you actually do drink. It probably didn't help that I ate fried cheese at the festival. And nothing else. I did have a good time up until then.

I just keep thinking that I'm kinda tired of my life. I'm sick of working two jobs. I'm sick of the men in my life who don't really give me anything, but they sure aren't shy about taking. I'm the only one who can change all that, so I have no one to blame but myself. The ex Z called me Friday too. Said he might come over Saturday, but you know he never did show up. I shouldn't even talk to him. I seem desperate. I'm really not. Bleh.

Kat sent me flowers Friday. They tried to come to work, but defcon-5 security doesn't allow us to have deliveries. So, they went to my house. They are sure pretty! You can't help but smile when you look at a nice flower arrangement.

In other news. How about Big Brother? OMG. I totally hate Jen, but she cracks me up with how self centered she is. I mean, to take down a picture of you and your Mom cus you think you look bad? Get over yourself! It makes for excellent TV though, doncha think? Anyone watch Rock of Love? I swear, I think the chicks on the show might have Flavor of Love beat by a mile! All I kept thinking watching it was. I totally touched Bret Michaels. He wrapped those arms around ME. Bitches. Then, for good measure, I tivo'd Scott Baio is 45 and single. Where he hires a life coach to see why he isn't married. I can tell you why in the first 15 minutes. You have a friend who leeches off your fame, while encouraging you to be a slimy fuckwad, oh, and how about your a freaking asshole, dude?

Friday, July 13, 2007

Dog Days of Summer...

I'm super busy only working a half day, so I got no time to post. I'm taking the brother to the Dr. CP isn't in jail after his court hearing. I suppose that's good news, right?
Instead, look at my cute poochie Bear!

This is my lazy dog sleeping. She lays like this, and snores loudly. This is her chair, where she spends 95% of her life.

This is when she realized I took her picture. She's like a gremlin, "Bright Light!" Bright Light!"Right after this, she went and hid in the other room. She's camera shy.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Goings On...

This is the ring I bought a while back. This is as good as it gets on the picture. P.S. Those are my nails, I know their awesome! I work hard on them!
They closed my town off, due to the Canal Days festival. Not much happens in my one-horse town (as my sister would call it) so they make a big ta-do about it. Now, it will take me about 45 minutes to get home from work. Forty-five. I just love getting home later than usual. I am having a get-together on Saturday for the fireworks. Where there will be me, a fire, and beer. What more does one need? Oh, and some friends. Yea. Particularly a friend from high school who will be in town from Florida. I havn't seen her for a few years!

When I got home yesterday my dog didn't bark for me to let her out of the laundry room. I got a sick feeling that she was dead. She is 11 you know. I had to go in there and find her IN one of the litterboxes, all the litter dug to one side. She isn't a digger. She's a shih-tzu. My only guess is she was digging for doggie gold a.k.a cat shits. Unlucky for her, I clean the boxes out every day so she was unsuccessful in her efforts. This is something she use to do years ago. MMMM kitty turds!

I returned a bracelet at work that I really liked. I didn't like the fact that it broke three times. The links broke and the charm came off. I had it in the repair shop more than I had it to wear. So they took it back. This means they credited the money to my account. I got a pair of earrings like the ones I threw away (makes me sick to even say that) only their smaller (and cheaper) but I happen to like them more. They are the cutest. I'd link the picture but I really don't feel like downloading it. I'm that lazy.

I did the unspeakable this morning. I weighed myself. I am normally against weigh-ins but I figured since I could tell such a difference in my clothes, why not. I lost 21 lbs. Before you think this is fantastic, it's been 5 months. And, in 2.5 months since I weighed-in and had my body fat measured, I've lost a whopping 2 lbs. I work out 5 days a week. For over an hour. Sometimes 6 days. I barely eat carbs. Never drink pop. 99% of what I eat is fruit, vegetables, yogurt, and eggs. I eat often thru the day too. I mean, I have been checking myself out in my underwer a lot latley. I don't look that bad naked. I dunno what the fuck is up with the scale. I got on and off 7 times. I put 30 lbs of weights on to make sure it was right too. *sigh* I decided in order to get to the 30 lb mark, I'm rewarding myself with a ring I've been wanting. 9 more to go. It might not be so bad if I weren't the weight that I am. I mean, it's bad. But, I will not reveal that until I am at a comfortable weight. That's 48 lbs from now. (When I buy myself a 3 stone princess cut diamond ring!) Wish me luck!

CP is home from detox. He has court tomorrow morning. My house has been pretty clean and my brother's helped out more. He must feel sorry for me. I'll take pity if it gets the dishes done. Shit.

Today I received a lot of praise at the day job. I have only been working on this report for days. I had to rank each manager and assistant manager by their sales standards, then add sales points, and rank the top and bottom 5, break out into districts. Then add conditional formatting so different ranges of numbers in each of the 14 categories were different colors. You may feel my pain if I tell you the file had 2,125 employees on it. It wasn't that it was hard. It just took for. ev. errrrrr.

Shit, I gotta go and call the landlady. I have only had that there leaky tub drain for ohh, about 3 weeks now? It's attracting centipedes. Their all over the wall near where the leak is. And, the fucking bee's are back too.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pot of Gold

Have I mentioned how tired I am latley? Good lord. I went to bed an hour early the past two nights, but I'm still exhausted. I almost didn't work out last night. Almost, but I still did. I did 2.5 miles instead of 3.2. So what, at least I worked out. I'm going to go to the winery with Heather tonight, or Friday 'for a bottle'. Now, it wasn't discussed if that was a bottle each, or splitting one. But either way. We havn't hung out in forever, and well, I could use the wine. Wine is good. And we know how drinking at home can be detrimental. Although it is raining pretty bad so sitting outside will be out of the question.

Since reading the secret I've tried to be more open to the goings on around me. Everything happens for a reason, and I have to be aware, that circumstances may be opening up a path for me to follow. I don't need drama in my life, and I only want to be around genuine people. That's one thing I always say, and maybe what's going on with my friend is showing me that I should re-evaluate that relationship? Plus, latley I've been putting "out there" that I need help. I'm worried about my future. I can't be happy working two jobs my whole life. Living with people that aren't good for me in order to live the financial life I want for myself. I keep saying each night before I go to bed "show me the way". I might have been given some direction.

Yesterday one of my oldest (in friendship years, not age, people) friends Katie gave me some hopeful news. She's in charge of a program at the university where she works, that gives you credit hours towards a degree, for work experience. I'd have to work with her on a portfolio, to show what I know already, in order to get out of certain classes. If things go according to plan, I could get credit for 24 hours she said, and have about two years left to get an associates degree in office administration. Hm. Imagine that. Me, a college student...?

Now, comes the money part. I have none. I have no money to even pay a loan if I were to get one. I feel if it's meant to be, I will be able to get grants for school. I know that the only struggling I'm ready to do anymore, will be the learning, and the working part. Hey, I've gotta take math. MATH. I'm done struggling with money. Done. She said she could work with me to do the portfolio, and that would save me the money for the workshop she is teaching. And if I was given credit for what I submit, I could try for financial aid before applying to school, and it would all be figured out before I started.

It took me 7 years to make 30 grand. Now, I make significantly less, even with two jobs. I don't want to wait another 7 years to get back to that income, and be almost 40 and still struggling. Who knows if I'll be married? I can't bank on the fact that maybe some man will come along and swoop me up. I have to live for me. And start preparing for my future. I think this is a good step. While I am not looking forward to school, it gives me something to work for that will get me somewhere in the long run. I know there are plenty of jobs where I am now, that I could make more money at, with a degree, and the experience I'm gaining from my position.

Wish me luck. Things might be looking up. I told Katie, I just might find me a nice veterinary student to marry at school. She said they don't have veterinary medicine, but they have zoology. Good enough!

Anyone else addicted to the World Series of Pop Culture? I've come to decide that next tryout, me and my brother need to go on the show. We could seriously kick some major ass. We get all the answers right. And I could use half of 250 grand. (math)

What about Big Brother? I loved how America's player told his sob story to Kail. I was cracking up, they made a good choice picking him. And, we get to tell him who to kick out! I also loved that Joe as he put it "added some pepper to the pot and stirred it up" with Jennifer. I can't stand that girl either. She's so full of herself. To cry, over a "bad picture" of yourself on the wall? And to wear a shirt every day with your name on it? That's so freaking gay. Jenius. Jenuine. The Jenth degree. Get over yourself.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Still Afloat....

I went to the store last night, and purchased 24 packs of Ramon noodles for $4.80. I dunno how half of the worlds population would survive without ramon. I lived on it for two years. Looks like happy days are here again. Yea, their completely unhealthy, and will make me retain water. I've been eating fruits and vegetables forever. I hope the universe doesn't think this is teaching me how to be a mother, because you know what? It fucking sucks. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness for someone else. So sue me!

Every morning I get up for work knowing, I just have to go back again the next day. Knowing, for 28 days straight, I'll be working without a break. My head is so heavy from no sleep. I feel like I am hungover every day. Headache. My body is sore from working out every day, my heart hurts from all the bullshit going on in my life. But I still get up every morning and truck it to work, and every weekend, I float into the police station. I'm praying on the day I become a millionaire and I don't have to work anymore. Dreams are sometimes all you have, right?

I asked a friend at work to adopt me about 50 times. Can I come live in your basement? Can she be my mom and buy me stuff? Yesterday, after telling her my bracelet I got from work broke (for the second time she keeps saying to get a refund) and what happened with CP, she said "You know, if I adopt you, first thing Ima gonna do is smack the shit out of you, then, Ima make you take back that bracelet". She cracks my shit up.

CP's counselor called me on my way home from work. She said he went to detox for 4 days. He might get out Thursday, and then have his court date on Friday. She said there is a bed waiting for him at inpatient, but he can't go until he has his court date. So whether they order him prison, or rehab, either way, Friday is it for him. He called me around 7:30 while I was working out and said that he'd write me a letter, and that he will make sure his counselor gives me his bank card. He asked if my brother needed his car this week for anything. He really is a nice guy, too bad he's all mixed up. I'm over it.

Ummmm..I think it's time to get my life started. I need to be young. Right? Before my life passes me by! Stop acting like I'm old! As Edwin McCain would say....

Perfumed and smoky
she swears that she knows me
she’s falling down drunk again
I say she’s mistaken
she’s visibly shaken
emotions all drowned in gin
she said I used to be beautiful
Now it’s all gone
I let my dreams slip away from me
that’s where it went wrong
Go be young, go be free
Follow your heart Where it leads you
And don't end up like me.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Up The River...

I suppose this is it. The beginning of the end. I don't know if I've ever told you, universe, but I can only aptly handle one crisis at a time. I am currently juggling three. The brother, the friend, and now, CP is gone. Gone? Don't ask me, I dunno what the fuck happened.

I got a phone call, but my VP was at my desk asking me for a sharpie, clearly I couldn't answer. The voicemail was from CP who simply said, "I'm sure you got the call from Anna (his counselor who updates me on his drug tests weekly) by now, I'll be gone this week. I don't know if I will be able to contact you or not. I wanted to leave you a letter, but I don't have time. I might be back Thursday or Friday, but I'm not sure. I'll have structure now." He goes to court this Friday, and after that I'm sure he is going to rehab.

That was pretty much the whole message. I called my brother a few minutes later to see if he was gone, and he said yea. He wasn't sure what happened either, but he heard him on the phone with the ex wife talking about going to some program until friday, cus he spent the whole day looking for drugs. Which is extra nice considering he had a job interview. I asked if he happened to leave a bank card? No. I guess I wont be getting any money while he is gone. I'm sure he fucked that all up somehow.

The good news? I can start to get over him. The bad news? Well, I can't afford to have another mouth to feed without his income. Ramon noodles. Here we come. I seem to be ok right now, but I feel it coming on. The breakdown. Scheduled, for 5:07 as soon as I sit my ass down in my car.

When it rains it pours. Can it please stop raining now? Huh? Please?

Saturday, July 07, 2007

So, To Me, It's Still Friday...

I didn't post today at a decent hour. To me, it's still decent. Seeing how I have 6 more hours of glorious work to do. We had a meeting at the day job earlier this week, wherein the following to-do items were outlined in order of importance:

1) Breakfast/coffee
2) Email/Voicemail
3) Update Planner (the company lives and dies by the Franklin Planner)
4) VP mail bins
5) Ask VP's if they need anything
6) Daily reports

Of course, there is about 15 other things you have to do in a day, but these are the staples. And, yes, my boss wrote that breakfast/coffee was the #1 priority. See why I love my job? We spend the first half hour eating and drinking.

We have monthly newsletters that we have to do for each of our VP's, it tells what employees are super-duper that month or whatever. When you finish your newsletter, you give it to one of the other secretaries to proofread. So, when the boss asked who proofreads their own, who didn't raise their hand? Me. Why? When called upon, I answered "someone else is doing it". This is what I believe they call, passing the buck. She appreciated my honesty. It's all about the honesty. I'm also the only one who raised her hand when asked whochecked her work for her, like she asks us to each month. So, eat that bitches.

Guesswhat guesswhat? Big Brother started. I really don't know another show besides Lost, that fills me with such joy. Oh, wait...Extreme makeover does too, and that started last week. I think I need to get out more. Anyway - Big Brother is gonna rock because there are enemies. I love to watch people fight on TV. And getting to vote what some guy has to do in the house? And, free Big Brother live feeds on Showtime? Heaven.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Bee Whisperer...

How was your Fourth? Mine was quite nice. I went out Tuesday night with Kat to get away from the boys. They both wanted to go with us so I just snuck out of the house. I need some ME time, you know? I got to our regular bar around 7:20. It was still daytime. On a week night. I didn't know a single soul in there. Not even the bartender. It's like a whole different world on week nights! I was there about 10 LONG minutes before Kat came. And said my brother wanted to go out, even though he had no money and couldn't drink. I dunno what his problem is.

We had a couple beers, and some nice guy bought us a shot. We met this guy thats our age, who's going thru a divorce. I told him I've been there. We went out back to talk and the bartender told him I'm a stranger. Me, cus he took me thru the stock room to go outside. When we went back in one of the "regular" bartenders was there, and I told him this other dude called me a stranger! I was offended. However, before going outside with said boy, he said "I'm not going to try anything funny" Kat said "That's OK, she likes it". She likes it? Thanks a lot. I think for Halloween this year, you should be a pimp, and I'll be your hoe. Later, Kat shoved an orange slice down my cleavage while sitting at the bar. I told her, she better hope a boy licks that off later. Sadly, no boy did lick it off. *sigh*

I slept until 9:00 Wednesday. Not what I call sleeping in, but whatever. Me and CP cleaned out my garage. A project I've been long putting off. I decided to get rid of the bees that have taken up residence in the corner. Whenever you disturb anything over there, the whole wall vibrates with angry wings. Bumblebees. Big, fat, dumb, bumblebees. First, I thought they took the
insulation out of the wall or something, but upon inspection, saw, that they had chewed up paper, collected my hair, my cats hair, and some peices of a green rug that was in the garage to construct their little home.

I was armed with a tiki torch, and pulled apart their house. Really, it was just a giant fuzzball at first glance. Until they started swarming out of the thing. Pissed off. Now, I really wasn't afraid of them, cus bumblebees are cute, and I had no intentions of killing them, just getting them out of my garage. That quickly changed when they started to get a little too close to me. I changed weapons. I got my broom. I swept out their little egg sac thingies, and saw, that bumblebees make honey. I really thought only honey bees made honey. Seriously.

Once they saw that I meant business, they went on the attack. I think I got their queen out cus she was extra big and fat, and she wouldn't get off my broom. She had to go, but she put up a good fight. All the other bees came around too, once I started messing with her. It was on. No more Ms. niceguy. I had to defend myself. I started smacking them with the broom. Funny thing about bumblebees, they can take a good hit, and come back for more. I would knock them to the garage floor, and they got back up again. I bet the neighbors enjoyed the crazy lady weilding a broom, and talking to herself in her garage.

So, I had to stop being passive aggressive. And step on them. Sorry bee's, I gave you the chance to rebuild elsewhere but you wouldn't do it. I sprayed their former home with WD-40. What? Like I have bee killer on-hand? and moved their peices of home into the yard hoping they'd pick it up and fly off somewhere else. They were furiously crawling all over their larvae, and picking peices of the nest apart, and...going BACK into my garage. This is war. Though I killed probably a hundred bumblebees, many of them got away. Back to my garage.

I bet you thought this was going to end in my being attacked by bees, didn't you? Hell no, I could charm bees for a living or something. And, in case you were wondering, CP kept a good distance from the whole bee project. Boys are so weak.

Then all night I kept saying..."I feel bad for killing those bees". Seriously. Freaking BEES!.

I tried to video the fireworks display in the woods last night, put on by the lightning bugs, but they weren't bright enough to come up on film. It was pretty amazing. Fireworks were exploding, and it was as if they were communicating. Awesome.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

As if Another Reason was Needed....

I think since my dad was a plumber, I have some sort of connection to breaking things that require a plumber to fix. I bring it up a lot, but you remember how 2 summers ago I flooded my upstairs by leaving my bath run forever and ignoring it. Well for two years I've had a slow drain. I bet if my drain worked right, it never would have even flooded to begin with. I've paid a lot of money in drano, and had the plumber out a couple times and he snaked the drain. I have to shower in 3 inches of water. And it's impossible to keep clean when it stands like that.

Pissed off at life, I decide to shove a dowel rod down my pipe to "unclog" the drain. Boom! Boom! Boom! I gave it a good three thrusts, and viola! The water went right down. I fixed it! Shit, I fixed it alright! I got a shower after that, and the water went right down the drain! Magical. Not until Sunday, did I realize what I'd done. I took the trash into the garage and there, my ceiling was falling off in chunks. Nice. The floor was wet, obviously, I jacked something up. When CP got home he opened the access door in the ceiling, and said I broke the S pipe or something like that coming out of the tub. I don't remember what he called it, but it was technical. All the insulation is soaked. There is a big sag in the ceiling, and chunks of it had fallen off. Now, it's open so it'll drain right onto the garage floor. I said while you have the pipes open, see what's stuck in there clogging my drain!

It was a fucking surfboard. Lilo and Stitch to be exact. Covered in about 2 years worth of freaking slimy, disgusting soapy hair! Some dumbass kid dropped a surfboard in the drain. Reason 897,978,076 not to have kids. They drive you fucking insane even when they aren't yours, by sticking things where they don't belong. Oh, is that a rock? Let's stick it up my nose. A surfboard? The drain is a good place for that.

Happy Independance Day. I think I'm going out for a drink tonight. I deserve it. I'm off work tomorrow, and I might just spend my day "off" cleaning my brother's place. If anyone would like to nominate me for some sort of a sister of the year award, feel free. I have my eye on this nice tanzenite and diamond ring at work...

P.S. CP got a job working third shift, so he has redeemed his place to stay. Dun dun dunnnnn....

P.S.S. I "up'd" my workout to a 3 mile walk in an hour, vs. 2.2 in 40 minutes like usual. Then still did my weights and abs to total 1 hr 40 minutes. Take THAT body! I'm tricking you!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Sunny Side Up...

I had a decent weekend, despite the fact that I had to work the whole time. And slept through most of our beautiful weather. I did get to see someone on Saturday. This made me happy. I don't talk much about someone cus theres nothing much to say, at this point, but there is someone. If there is ever a special someone you'll be like, the 5th to know. I promise. And get this, someone isn't one of my exes!

Moving on. CP had court Friday, he goes again in like a week, so we still don't know what's going to happen. He still has no job. He owes me money. He has 2 days to pay me. I'm pretty much all he has left. Unless of course, this was also a lie. Personally, I'm not convinced that he isn't still on drugs. I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.

Went on a bike ride yesterday, only an hour and 15 minutes. I also ate lots of carbs this weekend. I also crapped them all out. I'm not sure if CP did something to the food, or if it was cus I'm not use to having them, but whatever. I havn't seen much change in my weight for a while, so I have to do something different. I'm already working out 5 days a week for an hour, so I am compromising, and working out longer for 2 of those days. I don't think I should have to, but what the fuck do I know?

The universe sent me an angel to come and work for me this Friday, 7-11 so I don't have to work for 21 hours in a row with no sleep. I'll work 11-8 or 9 vs. 7-7.

P.S. I only owe $156 on one of my credit cards!