"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, December 31, 2010

Childhood Rears Its Ugly Head...

Remember how I said when we were growing up we were poor? Like not eating dirt poor, but Mom and Dad divorced and Mom didnt make enough to support us really, and for instance, once a church brought us food. A big box of it. To me it was like Christmas!

We'd get trash bags of hand me down clothes from Moms friends...it was awesome! We lived in a trailer, with possums and skunks living underneath, which was totally cool.

We were on food stamps, which was pimp, cus we could get whatever we wanted to eat. We never felt deprived. We use to get the dreaded PINK FREE lunch tickets at school so everyone knew you were poor. My school fines were waived for a few years, cus we were poor.

And all my clothes were bought from Acme Click where my Mom worked, I never had name brands, I always had knock offs. And never anything new, we had to shop while Mom worked, and give her what we wanted, and she'd "put it back" aka hide it under the shoe bin in the shoe department until it went on sale.

Instead of a Pound puppy, I had a lonley puppy. Which is so generic I couldn't find a picture. Instead of a Cabbage Patch, I had Pumpkin Patch kids. I did have a cabbage patch once the hype was over.

I actually stole someones cabbage patch kid in grade school. Well not technically. But it was in the lost and found and I said it was mine. Someone saw me with it and her brother said I stole it and I had to give it back.

I never disclosed that when I got my job, and they asked me if I ever stole anything. *gulp* Have you ever done drugs? Sure, I smoked pot, who didn't? Did you ever steal? No! Never!

The moral of this story is, I am still that poor girl on the inside. And I still get generic things. For Christmas, Mom didn't get me a Snuggie...I got a Fuzzie Wuzzie.

Which I like better than a stupid old Snuggie anyway.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Die of Cute

I don't have much to share. So here is a picture of my adorable shih poo in his new Dress Barn
Add ImageOriginal sweater, complete with a nubby on the hat. You can tell, he loves it!

Christmas was fantastic, I spent it with an awesome lovebug, that I felt blessed to be with. I ate too much at my Moms, and me and Magoo stayed the night over there, and sweated to death.

Mom has the heat on 65 or something, and I'm use to freezing at a cool 55. I was seriously too hot!

And now, I'm surviving on low sodium, no calorie chicken bullion, carrots, clementines, and cucumber water. I think I ate enough over the past few weeks for an entire lifetime. Some day I'll get that addiction thing under control. Until I can fit into my pants and breathe the way I did 3 weeks ago. At least I didn't quit working out, I bet if I did I'd have gained 20lbs.

I like food.

Too much!

For more cute, heres a video of Magoo and his new Christmas toy. He's unsure of toys and playing, since he lived his first 5 years in a breeding cage, and this is huge for him, and the squeaker, well he isn't so sure of that yet!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Prank..

At work, we are lucky enough to work for some of the big executives. With that, comes some pretty sweet gifts. One of the girls at work had one ask her, what she wanted for Christmas, and she said she wanted a lame ass gift card to Archivers (scrapbooking...puke) and he responded "oh, I was going to get you a /name brand of one of our big jewelry items this year that if I told you I'd have to kill you/ but if thats what you want, ok!"

Afterwards of course, she was kicking herself, wishing she'd just taken the original expensive gift. So she emailed him and said on second thought the name brand of said jewelry was a better idea.

Cut to a week later, when they have a fight. Executive is a hot head, and a bit of a douche bag too. So she thinks she isn't getting said jewelry item. She's off work today, and he dropped her gift at her desk, in a box that cannot be mistaken for anything but this certain gift.

So, since we are all stuck at the office, we took another jewelry box, filled it with tissue paper, and inserted a nice, but FREE company pen from our 100 year anniversary party, which we all have several of into the box, and topped it with a bow. We called her to tell her he dropped her gift off and it HAD to be the jewelry item so she has to come get it.

And the look on her face when she opened it...was worth coming to work for.

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas isnt Christmas without wine..

I had wine on my desk today. I sure can't imagine why people buy me alchohol as a gift.

Ohh This is fun, I stole it from here.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Neither. I like hot cocoa, made in a pan and stirred constantly until delicious, and topped with marshmallows. Don't swiss miss, or Nestle Quick me, I want the real thing baby!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? If you tell me santa still brings you gifts, I might just cry in jealousy.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White, cus I'm a classy kinda gal.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? I don't need an excuse to kiss a cute boy!

5. When do you put up your decorations? As soon as possible! I love to enjoy the christmas tree glow!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Buckeyes, but mom doesn't do them anymore. She put rice krispies in hers, and ive never had anyones taste as good. We're not traditional though. We're having meatballs this year.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? When I finally got a cabbage patch kid. Even if they weren't as popular anymore cus we were poor and couldn't afford things when they were new. lol
Waking up at the crack of dawn to see what santa brought, opening all the gifts, and remembering....STOCKINGS!!!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm the baby. My older brother ruined it for me. He pointed out that santa always used the same wrapping paper as mom and dad.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We open Christmas eve. Then Christmas day is when we opened santas gifts. Then when mom and dad got divorced we had the two split also. We still celebrate xmas eve. Just more fun and non traditional I guess.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? I have two. One is for all my fun ornaments, and one is a theme tree that I use to change each couple years, but now has been blue silver and white for a while. This year I let a single mom at work borrow the tree cus she didn't have one. She better give it back! (see how humanitarian I am?)

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I don't mind the snow. I hate the slush and ice.

12. Can you ice skate? I havn't tried in forever and roller skating recently was a challenge!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Like...ever? No I don't remember, probably my cabbage patch kid.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Well after watching the history of Christmas i dont feel obligated to say jesus or anything, because I know its about winter Solstice. It's NOT just a christian holiday people. Its about family, laughing, eating, and presents. And thats the truth. Pfffft.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? I love pecan pie. But frosted sugar cookies are my weakness! Or peanut butter kisses. Oh Em Geeee!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Hmmm. I like presents.

17. What tops your tree? A polish star. I call it the polish star, because I'm polish, but its not. its just a joke because growing up we got a star that was multi colored lights on the tree, and was the tackiest thing in the world and my MOM (the non polish parent) called it the polish star I believe. I have a gawdy diamond-y star, that I call the polish star in memorium of the good old days.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Please, everyone loves presents!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? I love the muppets and john denver christmas album, and anything on it is my favorite.

20. Candy Canes? Yes? No? Color? Disss gusss ting. I like the flavory ones though. Like raspberry or something. The man bought sour patch kids candy canes and those are pretty tasty.

21. Do you feel Christmas is too commercialized? Since I work at corporate for a ginormous retail company, umm...hell, no. Go out and spend your money, raise our stock, and get us our BONUSES! Momma has a buttload of fines and taxes to pay!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Mean People Suck

I was up til 2:30am, working for ChaCha. Usually its entertaining but all I did was answer questions about the lunar eclipse. So I decided to stay up and see it. Its peak was at 3:17am in case you cared.

If you missed it, it looked like a freaking half moon. Big whoop.

But this made me tired today. When I am tired I get goofey.

So, can you tell that the celementines, are my grapefruits hair?

You should always play with your breakfast foods, and make your employees laugh.
If not, you suck as a boss, and people talk about you behind your back.

P.S. I'm aware that they probably do when you draw smilies on your fruit as well, but I'd rather be known for being fun, than being a bitch.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I like challenges...

I am going to start this fitness venture, after my incarceration.

By incarceration, I mean my six days in "minimum security" lock up for my DUI. Any time I am being held against my will, its incarceration to me.

And by fitness venture, I mean Crossfit! It looks pretty bad-ass and they opened one close to my house. I managed to lose 70 lbs a few years ago, but I've lost and gained 15lbs here and there ever since. And in retrospect, losing that was way easier than keeping it off. I didn't need to work out as much, just stopped eating an entire carton of ice cream, and 2 subway subs. You know, the basics.

I'm excited, this summer, I vow to not have fatty arms!

Guess what? I'm hungry.

When I'm an old lady I'm going to be fat, and eat whatever I want!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Christmas Cheer...

I don't like shopping. I lack the genetic make up of normal girls who can spend hours looking at things and touching them, and either deciding I can't live without them, or walking away. I don't mind going once in a while, but 99% of the time I like to go for what I need, and leave.

So, Christmas is not my forte. Mostly because I don't just go out and buy myself things whenever I feel like it. So to go out and spend money on other people, makes me a little bit jealous. There, now you all know that when you get a gift from me, I'm jealous of it. Like when you buy your sister diamond earrings that happen to be bigger than yours you have to trade yours up because why would your sister have bigger earrings than you? You DO work for a jeweler!

Maybe that makes me selfish, but I don't care.

For the first time, like...ever I waited until today to do any shopping. One week before Christmas.

I have to go to Wal Mart tonight.

Please feel bad for me.

In other news, I broke out my meal tracker from when I was in boot camp. I forgot what type of food I ate during that time..Here is an example of a typical day:

Breakfast: Turkey bacon, egg beater, 1 slice of wheat toast
Lunch: chicken breast and green peppers
Dinner: Healthy choice veggie soup (60 calories) turkey burger no bun
Snack: orange, carrots, celery
Water: 80 oz

I felt great while attending boot camp and I dropped a lot of sizes. But the truth of the matter is I was always starving.

Are skinny people just always hungry? Do you just have to come to that conclusion? Because I've heard many a skinny celebrity admit that.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Hoe Bath...

I'm hip to the whole sponge bath thing. Like, in the summer time, between showers perhaps, when you want to freshen up.

At home.

But for some reason, at work, people just love to stand at the sink in the locker room, directly beside where I am drying my freshly showered hair, (yes, we have nice showers to use) and wet paper towels, and proceed to clean their hoo-has and butt cracks with me standing right there.

I mean, fine if you dont want to clean your sweaty ass after you work out, but you can at least take the paper towels into the shower room, if not the shower stall, and do it there.

I cannot stand seeing people in the halls, knowing they cleaned their hoo ha right beside me.

It makes me feel dirty.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm the big 3 5...

I'm 35 Today. So heres 35 mostly pointless things to say.

1. 35 isn't old. I remember thinking 35 was mature. But, well lets face it, I'm still a kid in a lot of ways. A kid that pays her bills, and lives on her own.

2. I'm logically half way thru my lifetime. But we wont go there.

3. We got a ginormous storm in NE Ohio. I don't remember a time when it more than dusted with snow before my birthday. This is a bunch of horse shit. According to Mark Johnson, the devil himself was outside waiting to pitch fork you if you left the house. We got like 3 inches. I hate weather people. And this guy.

4. I didn't get drunk for my birthday. I'm growing up!

5. I ate three peanut butter with reese cup cookies today a girl at work made. Stay tuned, it's still early.

6. I'm not working out for my birthday so I'll probably gain 5lbs from the eating in #5. That's how my body works for me. Not very well.

7. I'm pertty sure I have arthritis in my foot from my old running injury. Getting old sucks.

8. My desk at work is decorated with all hello kitty stuff cus shes awesome. Yes, I realize I'm 35. So is Hello Kitty so shut up.

9. A crackhead decided to stand at the end of my driveway today for no other reason than he is a crackhead, and shuffeled into the street when I just kept backing up at him. I heart the city.

10. I am thinking of cutting most of my hair off. I'm afraid though, so don't quote me.

11. I had a mouse in my broiler of my oven, and I just caught him Saturday. Poor little disease ridden guy.

12. I turned my heat up to 55, which is huge, because I'm a cheap ass who never has a gas bill over $100, or really even close.

13. My favorite Christmas music is the Muppets Christmas w/John Denver. I really wish they'd put the muppets back on TV. Not a remake. The real original muppets. Please, and thank you.

14. I'm in love with a stripper.

15. Just kidding, but I was singing that song, cus we rented the wrestler this weekend, and I was suprised that Marissa Tome took it all off for that movie

16. I don't feel good from eating too many cookies. And a bagel. And chip dip.

17. Someone should come to work and clean my desk for me. It's really bad, and I'm setting a bad example to the department.

18. It's almost christmas, and I bought three gifts. I suck.

19. When I say I'm the big 3-5 i feel like it should be followed with "Elizabeth, I'm comin to join ya honey" ala Fred Sanford. Even though, its not old.

20. I thought when I was in high school, that I'd be practically retired at 35.

21. When you are in high school you are a total freaking dumb ass, aren't you?

22. I really miss Lost. They don't make shows like that anymore. I miss how excited I use to get when it was on, and how I'd slow mo the tivo to see hidden clues. I feel like all TV hope is lost. Especially now that the Walking Dead is over.

23. I learned at my ripe young age, I'm a clencher.

24. Don't be gross, that means I clench my teeth too much, and the dentist had to file down my teeth and recommended a mouth guard. I have sore teeth, and no cracks, cavities, or decay. What the fuck?

25. Doesn't wearing a mouth guard sound pretty hot? I bet next, it'll be circulation socks, and granny panties or something.

26. Just like everyone looks at their poop in the toilet, I know everyone picks their nose.

27. P.S. do you ever get mad at a self flushing toilet, when you don't turn around fast enough to look at your poo and it's flushed down???!!!!

28. I get mad when I don't get to see the fruit of my labor. Dr. Oz says you have to evaluate your poo.

29. Why do boys' legs fall asleep on the toilet? It's like the 8th wonder of the world.

30. I sent my mom a picture of my poo recently, because she sent me a picture of gum in her mouth.

31. You may not know but I have a gum phobia, so she deserved a poop shot.

32. Just like boy babies, boy dogs have crappy clothes, so I think I'm going to just dress him up as a girl cus they have the cutest sweaters and stuff!

33. I feel sorry for people who have boys. Isn't that weird? Cus i totally like boys, so someone has to suffer through the trouble of having and raising them. Just dont ever let it be me. If the universe wants to screw me over and give me a kid despite my carefulness, it had better not be a boy.

34. I had to get an echeck for my car and you know how i have that stupid breathalizer on it? Too bad I didnt have to get a real echeck, cus they cant mess with my electronics boyeeeeeee!

35. Thats the only good thing thus far about having a DUI. and in the grand scheme of things, its totally not worth it.

Friday, December 10, 2010


I just ate a block of cream cheese. By myself. With, a knife.

Just cream cheese.

It was light cream cheese. But I think when you eat an entire block of anything, the light part goes out the window.

Shit like this, and eating 6 zero bars in one sitting, and an entire loaf of homeade bread in a day, are the reasons I almost weighed 300 lbs.

I need to get this sorrow under control. Before I gain all that weight back.

Why can't celery comfort me the way cheese, bread, and reeses peanut butter cups do?

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

In Memory...

She was my first dog all my own. I saw her in the pet store and I had to have her. A small ball of fluff, full of life. Her entire life she suffered illnesses which I now know, are a result of buying her from a store, and subsequently, a puppy mill.

She was my tissue for every heartbreak, starting with my ex husband, and ending with exmanfriend. She muffled my cries when my dad passed away, I lost my house, my job, my car. She never minded being the one to silence my screams and sobs.

She didn't question how I would provide her with medical care, or afford to feed her, she simply trusted me with her big brown eyes, that everything would work out.

She was my crutch, and when I was sad, and lonley, she went everywhere with me. She loved to stick her head out the window, and feel the wind in her face, even when she was going to the vet.

I never felt like I was alone and she never complained when I told her the same story, or asked her why so and so broke my heart. She sat with me quietly, and let me spill my guts. I never slept alone with her, she always kept my feet warm, and hogged the blankets.

Little Hill (named for her parents, Rolling Hills Flory, and Pattyanne's Little Junior) was born April 6, 1996, and died today, December 8th, 2010. She was almost fifteen.

I petted her this morning, knowing that I planned to take her to put her down after work, and asked her to please go on her own. The thought of having to end her life wrenched me. I've had to put two cats down, and it is never easy.

I would say her passing was a blessing. I didn't want to make that choice for her. She didn't die alone, she had little Magoo by her side. And the only good thing I can say is that she looked very peaceful when I found her. Head on a blanket, laying on her side. Her body not in a final act of agony, but as if she had just laid down to go to sleep.

She had lymphoma, and lived several years with it. But recently tumors in her head, and throat made breathing and eating difficult for her, and it finally caught up with her.

The conclusion is, it's never easy to say goodbye to a friend. Whether they die on their own, or you make the decision for them. I feel somewhat relieved as the past few weeks she has been steadily declining, and I felt the impending decision I had to make for her.

She will meet two cat sisters, on the bridge. And I know my Dad will look out for her too.

Goodbye old girl.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Christmas Spirit...

I may have caught a bit of the Christmas spirit this weekend. I spent the weekend with someone super cute, putting up my tree. I havn't had a partner in Christmas crime in years. It's so much more enjoyable with help, flirting, laughing, and someone who has the patience to replace christmas light fuses, vs. just trashing them, as I was perfectly fine to do. Also, if not for my helper, my tree would be on the floor. It had the gangsta lean going on, and we ultimately had to screw it to the wall with wire. Now it's Beyootiful!

I got a text this weekend from the old new guy. You know the one who said it didn't "feel right" to date me, and said our relationship was too sexual. That's why he texted me at 3:30 in the morning. Do you think he realized he messed up and wanted to take me to dinner? What a pig. I didn't respond. I was busy snuggling with someone who doesn't think it feels weird to be with me.

But if he does it again, I will tell him I've moved on, and maybe he should work on finding his good christian baby factory. Cus I'm not her.

And I'm utterly smitten.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Maybe leopards dye their spots...

When I was younger, I was crazy. I can say that now, but if you'd have called me crazy I probably would've clawed your eyes out! Most of it stemmed from my lack of self esteem that was sucked out of me by my ex husband, and then by several subsequent, and equally abusive relationships. I was so out of control, yet I tried to control everything. I even drove myself nuts!

I mean one time, I stabbed the bed just inches from where my ex husband slept. I constantly harassed him any time he was out of my sight. I'd pack all his shit, and drive it to his friends house if he stayed out too long, and throw it on their front lawn. Yea...I was THAT girl alright!

I didn't trust him, but I also had reason not to as he lied to me all the time, did drugs, spent OUR money on drugs and lied about it, while I had to wear shoes with holes in them, and cheated on me numerous times. (which resulted in a child with another girl) I chased him down at strip bars, stole the car from the clubs when he was out all night so hed have to find a ride home, and many times found his drug stash and burned it right in front of him.

Yea, I don't miss that jackoff, but the point is, I was a damned mess.

I was that way for a long time, and I kept meeting more dickwads who treated me like crap. (like attracts like) It wasn't until I stopped to think that hey...I don't even like me, how can anyone else like me..that I understood it was up to me to change who I was. That I even could change who I was. I

I am nothing like the person I was before. I laugh far more than I cry. I am not hot headed, insecure, and jealous. I am mellow, level headed, and confident (most of the time). I am always complimented on my ability to smooth over situations at work, and create a positive productive environment (aka I'm an awesome boss).

I only mention this because if I had not done so much work to change the person that I am, I would never believe that people can change. So I believe in people. I see life through rose colored glasses. I believe in the greater good, and that everyone has a good heart deep down. I give people the benefit of the doubt, and chances to prove themselves. I like to be positive, and optimistic, and that is just who I am. It took me many years to get here and I don't think anyone can ever take that away from me.

And having these sunshine and lollipop beliefs, sometimes gets me hurt. But the hurt is not nearly as bad as living as a cynical, skeptical, loveless person would be to me.

And that's ok!

Thursday, December 02, 2010

I Mean I treat him like a baby, but he's a dog...

That's my Mr. Magoo!
(did I ever say I named him that cus he has a poopie left eye thats smaller than the other and cloudy due to his neglect? cute huh?)

My Mom said, he probably thinks he was rescued from the puppy mill and put into witness protection.

A friend says I'm confusing him

And a special guy friend says he shouldn't be wearing pink because he can't defend himself.

But I say, he looks freaking cute, and it kept him dry in the cold rain. He was a puppy mill stud who lived his life in squallar, listening to his friends be shot, and banging bitches all day. (no, seriously...) So I don't think he really minds being snuggled up on the couch on MY down comforter, hogging MY pillow (did you notice?) wearing a pink jacket.

I had to wear hand-me-down clothes too, so I can understand not having my own special things. It's just unfortunate that his older sibling happens to be a girl. She has good taste!

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Better Than Pennies From Heaven...

I believe in the paranormal. Not all of it, I know people make things up, and dr. evidence to make good TV. But I am a member of a ghost hunting society (so what if I havn't gone out on any "hunts" in several years) and I have gone on many overnight trips to find ghosts, including spending the night in the woods to explore Rogue's Hollow, the cells of Mansfield Reformatory, and a haunted mansion. It fascinates me. Nothing really out of the ordinary has ever happened to me. I love scary movies, it doesn't freak me out to watch the Amityville Horror (which this real story is way more interesting than the movies) alone, or poltergeist. I spend weekends watching the haunted marathons.

So I don't overreact to situations that may seem strange. And realize most things do have an explanation. I don't believe in orb photography, because the Dr. in our ghost hunting group did a whole test about orbs vs. dust, and insects.

With that said...

Last night I was cleaning my apartment, jamming out to the new Nicki Minaj CD..Pink Friday (which btw contains some jams!) on the Blackberry via my headphones. I cleaned off my coffee table, dusted, emptied the glass ashtray, cleaned it, set it on the table beside a lit candle. Nothing else was on the table with it.

I sat in my foyer sorting tru a truckton of mail that's been piling for months. Mostly bills. Mostly court and BMV crap. When I heard it. A loud enough to get my attention through my headphones, "TINK". What it sounded like, was one of my damned cats when they knock over a glass of water I have on the table, because their water doesn't taste as delicious.

But I didn't have a glass of water on the table. My next thought was, maybe my candle broke the glass because it got too hot, no hot wax melting all over the table. No cats running away as if they'd just caused a ruckuss. No nothing. I sat perplexed for a minute or so scanning my living room for the source of the noise, but eventually went back to sorting my papers.

When it became time for a smoke break, I sat on the couch, and saw it, right in the middle of the ashtray, was a quarter. Face up. In my clean ashtray......

I picked it up and dropped it from about 12" and that "TINK" was the exact tink I heard while sorting my mail! Where this quarter came from I have no idea. Not that I think my pets could've picked it up and dropped it, but even if they could, where the heck they found it is another story.

This is the first time in all my time searching for the paranormal that I was actually a bit freaked out, because I could not explain how this happened. I set the quarter next to the ashtray and asked if there was more where that came from? (can't hurt to ask, right?) and said if you are a spirit and you are mean you have to leave. I also asked it to happen again. Which it didn't.

It was a 1991 quarter which bears no other signifigance to me other than that is the year my best friend in the world died. I had a dream about her shortly after she died that she got on the school bus and I was so shocked to see her, and I said "I've been looking everywhere for you" and she replied "I've been here all along". I remember that dream almost 20 years later like it just happened.