I Got 99 Problems and My Feet are One....

The older you get, the more you realize your Mother was right. No matter how old you are, you never FEEL old. But eventually, your body tries to chime in and remind you that you are no longer that indestructible 16 year old you may still feel that you are in your heart!

I have been experiencing foot pain since my last half marathon in May around mile 8. It felt a bit better after a week or so, but then started to get worse when I ran more than 3 miles, or worked out for an hour.

Now they hurt all the time. It's my toes, and the area just below them. When I am active, after about 15 minutes, my toes feel numb.

I was fitted for shoes at a running store which made my feet feel like they were on clouds, but after a couple of weeks they hurt again. (there is no way in that short time I'm logging 200 miles to wear my shoes out)

So, I am finally going to a podiatrist/orthopedic surgeon. I found a guy that use to work for our Cleveland Cavaliers...he must be good!  He will probably be use to someone who does not want to quit being active, while trying to fix whatever ails them.

I still have a 5.5 mile relay, a half marathon, and a 5k to run before my "season" is over. I do not want to quit before I'm finished.

Fingers crossed this is going to be an easy fix that won't leave me sidelined for my upcoming races!

So I Thought I Was Having A Heart Attack...Fred Sanford Style..

Let me preface this by saying about a year ago, I took my wellness test at work, where my blood pressure was pre-hypertension. The nurse said I should follow up with my Dr. in a week or so for a re-test in case I was just stressed out. 

I never did it.

So, in the back of my mind, everything weird about my body, is because "I probably have high blood pressure".

I had a small episode last week when my 15 year old persian, Fizzgig developed a medical problem that scared the bejeezus out of me. I had a hard time breathing, my heart was racing...it was not enjoyable. I probably have high blood pressure. I should go to the Dr.

Who wouldn't worry about this pretty girl? 

Flash forward a week later. My boss tells me that the day before, she knew I was running in circles to find some information out the entire day, but she wanted to teach someone else in another department a lesson that a process needed to be in place. I said "I was the only one wasting my time here!" I was pissed. Later, she told me my face was really red. It was!  This project is new to the department, and it is managing thousands of employee's bonuses.

So..I started thinking, I probably have high blood pressure and I never got tested! Then, it all started to fall into place.

I hurt my left arm at bootcamp that Monday, but what if it wasn't my muscle, and it was a blood clot. The more I thought about it, my arm started to throb. Then it started to tingle. My heart was racing. I was clammy. I was having chest pains, and shortness of breath. Then, my fingers started to tingle. I had a feeling of impending doom! I kept picturing myself being carried out on a stretcher.

My dad died of an aneurism and my brother has blood clot issues. What if I'm having a heart attack? It spiraled pretty quickly. I started to feel dizzy. The numbness was getting worse.  I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and announced I was going to urgent care.

In the car I called my Mom, because at this point, the entire left side of my body was numb, my chest was tight, my heart was POUNDING, and I couldn't catch my breath. I was worried I'd die in the car on my way.

Mom told me I was probably having a panic attack. She said if I were having a heart attack I wouldn't be driving my car. I said "no Mom, I'm legit dying, I physically feel like I am dying right now, you have no idea how I am feeling". (Mind you, my mother suffers from severe anxiety, and in fact did know a little something about how I was feeling.)

Once at urgent care, they take my blood pressure, test my blood sugar, test my pulse, and by the time they are hooking me up to the EKG, I felt safe because I was there, so I say to the nurse "you know, I actually feel fine right now".

So the Dr. read me all my results, which were all NORMAL! So I told her about what my Mom said about our family history of anxiety, and she in fact concluded that..Yes..I had a panic attack. 

I had always heard about people thinking they are having heart attacks and it turns out to be a panic attack. But I really never imagined the physical symptoms would be so physical and so SEVERE! She explained what the body does during an attack, and why and how the symptoms escalate, and how it resulted in a loss of feeling in my left side. It all made sense.

What doesn't make sense is that why at 38 did this just happen to me now? For no real reason? With no history of my own? I am always very zen, and don't let things get to me.

My biggest lesson of all is to not dismiss people who suffer from this all the time. I guess I have always been kind of skeptical of it's severity, and karma slapped me in the face really hard!

But I'm mostly happy that instead of paying $40 bucks to visit my primary Dr. I am now going to pay hundreds to find out my blood pressure is fine.

A very expensive lesson, to listen when a nurse says to follow up with your Dr.

Fly on the Wall..

So one day, I randomly had a house full of flies. I mean, so much so, that I was either A) housing a dead animal somewhere or B) reliving that horrible fly scene in Amityville Horror.


How does one kill over 125 flies in a day? Windex. I'm pretty sure they should market themselves as a flying pest killer, because trying to kill them with a flyswatter is useless, one spray of windex, knocks em down, another spray? DEAD!!

After counting how many flies I killed,  I remembered how I made fun of my Mom for counting 100 bees that she caught in her bee catcher.

Obviously, this is filed under I'm becoming my Mother...

But the flies kept coming. Not as many, but frequent, and then there were gnats!!

The gnats made me drink too much wine, because I couldn't put my glass down for a second without one or more of them floating in it...that's wasteful! So I'd sip, sip sip...I'm empty, time for more....repeat.

I finally found the source of the flies. It wasn't a dead animal. It was my neighbors trash can, that sits directly under my kitchen window! I saw it swarming with flies, so I open it up, and it's literally crawling with maggots!!!! *shreik*

So, I had to call the landlord, and tell him that the neighbor is disgusting and she doesn't take her trash to the curb. (which is paid for by our landlord...btw) I didn't wanna be a taddle tale, but I'm running out of windex, and wine!

The Meddling Mother....

My mother cannot stand the fact that she has no grandchildren. I feel for her I suppose...but I also have given her 5 perfectly nice grandpets in the place of needy human children.

She feels it is her duty to marry me off, so I can produce said grandchildren. I'm 36, and my married, and or/with children friends far more envy my life, than I do theirs. Not that it matters...but I love to be so free!

Said meddling mother, has now taken it upon herself to try to get me to go out with someone I am just friends with. Friends, because I am just not attracted to him, and I don't fell it!!!

My Mother, has friended said friend on "FB", because he has a business, a house, a boat, and a sense of humor...but after their becoming friends, this has led to an even greater reason I will never date said friend!  They tend to team up against me publicly when I go on "dates".

I don't need my personal life laid out as a commentary between my own Mother, and a friend....on facebook!!!..ummmm....get a life!

Really? I'm finding my life of leisure is quite enjoyable. I have no strings. I can date whomever I want, plan my life according to what I feel like doing.....? I don't need the bullshit backlash, who does?

I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, until I find someone who makes me want to stop the keepin! I owe it to myself, afterall!

Where I have a guardian or something..

I had my brakes done Saturday. My girlfriends husband did them for me, the lights been on a while, like....months...but as I often do, I ignored it. Hi, see me, the bright red brake light? Yea, I'm on because your brakes pretty much suck ass, and you should probably replace me.

Last week I happened to not be jamming to the radio in the stratus, and I heard a terrible grinding when I stopped. And then, a terrible grinding when I drove.

When he took my pads off, he showed me that all that was left of my brakes was a piece of paper. Cus that's real safe. Having brakes that work is a whole new concept for me, obviously. How I didn't die from my own negligence is some sort of miracle.

The same day, I went for my Saturday morning run (which never ceases to amaze me...I am a runner?! SHUT UP!) and I have a routine. I wear my flip flops, and change into my sneakers in the front seat, and I tie the mobile lock to my shoe laces, lock the door, put my keys in my purse, purse in the trunk, and take off.

This time for some reason, I decided to put my shoes on, at the trunk and put my flip flops in the trunk, instead of my purse.... closed the trunk, and got my run on.

Forty minutes, and 4.8 miles later, I exit the trail and see my car is the only one left in the lot. And...my driver side door is hanging wide OPEN!

All the blood rushes from my face, the adrenaline kicks in, and I think a billion horrible thoughts as I truck it to the car, and notice, my purse on the passenger seat, my PURSE IS STILL THERE? I rummage thru it, all my credit cards, cash, blackberry...everything in tact. What?? My keys?? Oh, those are just IN the IGNITION.

As hokey as it may sound, I really did count my blessings that night. I got up, worked out, hung out with three of my girlfriends on three separate adventures, and felt really lucky just to have enough friends to fill up an entire Saturday. I ended the night with my new favorite wine...a moscato (where have you been all my life???) And to top it off? I saw my first rainbow of the year!

I was on top of the world, happy to be me, loving life, and if gas weren't so damned expensive, I'd have searched for that pot of gold!

I love the department of motor vehicles!

As stated last week, I made the big trek to the BMV and got my liscense reinstated, and my plates back from the horrid drunk plates. (I feel sorry for people who visit Ohio from NY, just so you know, everyone thinks you are a drunk because of your plates)



I had some trouble with the girl trying to tell me I couldn't have my old plates, and she had to make phone calls and do her job. If you are in training, you pretty much shouldn't be left alone on a busy Saturday to your own devices!



When I got my liscense I asked, don't I need to fill anything out? " No, its a duplicate liscense, you dont fill anything out." Guess who got a letter in the mail yesterday from the BMV stating that they have some new people and unfortunatly they made a mistake and I need to go back and provide proof of who I am.



So, if you live in the Fairlawn area and you'd like a new identity apparently it's pretty easy to get one at the BMV there. Oh, it's not an inconvenience at all that I have to go back. I don't have to wait in line, simply present my letter at the desk. I mean, what else could I ask for? Money for the gas it will cost me to make an extra trip?



(here's where I become my mother) I'm going to write Columbus and tell them what a bunch of dickwads they have working there, and how much of an inconvenience they have made this entire process. I doubt I get anything out of it, other than the satisfaction that someone will feel the need to call me a bitch, and pass around my letter for the day. And...that's ok.

Moms know just what to say..

A 3:30 a.m. text to my Mom.

Me: "I just woke up from a good dream, and I woke up peeing the bed. I just peed two hours ago. I guess like an old dog now I have to stop drinking water before bed time"

Mom: "Lol everybody does it..prob trauma to the bladder from sex"

Ok, but really? Peeing the bed? And what kind of sex would cause bladder trauma (the good kind...holla!!)

So, I stopped myself before it got thru my underpants to my pj's but when you are peeing the bed, do the details really matter?

*sigh*

Diapers look to be on the horizon.

New Things...

WTF is a lentil? It tastes beany, and a whole bag of them cost under 2 bucks. This not eating bad carbs thing, is really tricky. everything i had instinct to buy at the store, carbs. Produce? Expensive. What else is there? Beans? Legumes? Have you read the labels on those cans?

So, I went old school. I bought bags of various dry beans and lentils. Au natural. I'm going to make my own hummus with some chick peas too in my food processor after I soak them to life.(thanks to the ex asshole manfriend leaving this at my house in his hurry to abandon ship).

Im also finding a new appreciation for saurkraut. You can eat a buttload of that for 15 calories. I cook it in a pan with some sliced turkey and add a peice of provolone and its like a better version of a reuben.

Maybe I really wont miss carbs.

You know what misses them most? My pocketbook. I use to be able to eat for $10 a week at the discount grocery. My last bill for food was $85 bucks. Uh. This fat better get to melting off me real quick!

* Today after eating my breakfast sandwhich prepared with love by me, I thought twice before throwing out the tin foil. I considered re-using it. I'm not sure if this should be filed under becoming my mother or not, but I really didn't like that the thought crossed my mind.

Singled Out..

I'm not the only single girl in the world. I know this. But at 34, it gets increasingly harder to be single. Not that I'm dying on my own, or I just cant function..but its different for different social circles.

All my friends are in relationships, or married, or have kids. Or, they all have some reason not to like one another, so getting everyone together is no longer possible either. I have to divy up my time with different groups of people. Which...sucks.

This leaves little girl time. I try to fill my time up with available friends whenever I can, but those times are few and far between.

My life consists mainly of work, working out, and cleaning up poop, pee, and pet hair. And rearranging my furniture and plants. I mean, I went through my self discovery time a few years back, and I'm happy with the result, so um. Now what? I'm always learning about myself, I meditate, I listen to self help books, so what am I suppose to do?

I don't see anything wrong with meeting people. I don't think my Mr. Right will come to my door and knock to get in. I have to get out, see and be seen, and when the right one comes along I'll know. I told the universe, no more frogs. I've had enough. I want my prince!

How I'm becoming my mother 45,678 I'm going to tell you that I started drinking fiber, which is my new attempt at appetite control, and its working swimmingly. It fills you up so you eat less.

Project? Lose the 30 lbs I've been trying to lose for years.

More On Becoming my Mother...

You know, I have my Momma staying with me this week. And, of course, my brother is still there. Last night after I got home from work at 11:30, we watched a family reunion DVD Mom had from her family. I got changed into my PJ's and got out the sweeper. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Sweeping" I say. "At 12:00?" "Yes, why?" "I could have swept if you wanted it swept today I didn't do anything". She turned to my brother and asked "Who does she remind you of?" I asked "Who?" and she says "Me".

At this point, I told my Mom, that I often curse her for half the things I do. You know when you live at home, and your MOM makes you do things you don't want to do, you say: "WHEN I GROW UP I'M NEVER DOING THIS!"

Like:

1) I fold my towels in three's. I cannot accept them folded any other way, because they simply don't stack nice in the cupboard. In half. In half again, then in three's. Mom made you do this, and do it right.

2) Re-folding towels that someone else folded, incorrectly. If they aren't neat, they get redone. Mom made me re-do my towels a lot.

3) Do the dishes as you go. I hated this dumb rule! Who wants to interrupt cooking with cleaning dishes? Who has time for that? Who wants to prolong enjoyment of a delicious meal, to wash dishes? Now, I can't stand someone in my kitchen, not cleaning as they go!

4) Wipe your crumbs off the counter. Now, I say to myself, "how fucking hard is it to clean some fucking crumbs off the counter w/o wiping them onto the damn floor, huh?"

5) Clean the cat hair off the furniture. Oh, I went rounds with my mom on this one. She even threw my cat outside once. My one stinking cat! I of course, layed in the yard and cried for hours with my kitty. Now, I have to do it, at the very least once a week.

6) Keep the house "red-up". (I dunno if 'red-up' is a patented phrase, or if other Moms use it...?) I'd think as a kid, big deal. It's just going to get messy again. Now, my internal 'can't deal with shit' button is pushed, if I spend 6 hours on my half a day off, cleaning when I work 2 jobs, and would love to lay around. Sorry Mom, I just didn't know!

7) Clean out the lint trap. I thought this was really dumb. Who cares if there is lint on the lint trap? When you get older, and OWN YOUR OWN WASHER AND DRYER. You realize, that this can affect it's ability to dry clothes. Burn out the heating element! I thought it was dumb of my mom to yell at me for that. But, I guess she was right. Same with having the washer go off balance. I sure as shit don't sit and listen to it now, I run to its rescue!!!!

This is but a small list of things I thought were stupid. I don't aspire to be Martha Stewart, But I swear I never thought I had an anal bone in my body. See why I don't want kids? My favorite Mom phrase? "Half-assed". I can see why she used it a lot. "get in there and rewash those dishes, you did it half-assed" You would even get the half-assed in note form, such as at the beginning of a list of things to do: "If you do it half-assed you will do it again" I don't think I ever threatened to do anything 'full-assed' but I bet if I did I'd probably have gotten slapped!

Reason 456,780,100 not to have kids. They will grow up and curse you for their own stupid habits in their blogs.