"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Gettin My learn On....

Today I am learning how to master conflict.

Which is great, because I've already wanted to smack a coworker 50 times this morning. One of the new girls had taped a photo to her overhead cabinet, and our "facilities department" left a note to remove it, because you cant tape things to your cubicle. (yes, they do random checks, its pretty pathetic)

Coworker I want to smack said to new girl.... "its in the manual you should know that" . And I'm the boss. I ignored her. I somehow think this wasnt the best thing to do, yet they frown upon us using physical violence at the office.

I really wish she would just quit. I have a great team now minus her. Isnt' that horrible.

Mostly I can let things slide, because I have mastered the art of not giving a shit about things that really don't matter in life.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Don't Evade Your Taxes...

So the saga goes with my taxes as such. You know, I pay my federal taxes, I pay my state taxes, I pay my city taxes, and then, I have to pay another city income tax because I live in a stupid fucked up city that makes you pay more taxes for living there.

Only, they dont take it out of your check they make you pay it out of your pocket. I've lived there since 2005, and I owe them from that year. I paid on it here and there.

Back up. I use to work two jobs for 4 years. Because of that I owed a buttload in taxes...you know because i worked two jobs to get ahead, and thats the american way....I ended up in more debt. I paid off my federal, and this year actually got a refund. (holla)

City? Notsomuch. I think its crap so I avoid paying it. I paid it here and there, but the there became more prevelant, and eventually they sent my case to court.

Where I was informed via a summons, and when I called them, they told me I couldn't contest it unless I thought I was wrongfully charged. Which...I wasn't I owed the money. Even if it was wrong.

They said they'll send me a letter to make payments, or they will garnish my wages. So I've been anxiously awaiting said papers. They came.

By payments they mean, I can pay 25% of my paycheck to them. Mind you, I don't have 25% of my paycheck after bills to myself, so how can I pay that to them?

The second option is to let them garnish my wages. Somehow they come up with this figure, garnishment is 60 times the federal minimum wage rate. (because I'm paid bi-weekly....otherwise its more) so, thats almost $500.

Have I mentioned I owe a mere $611? While it doesn't seem like much, I have no savings. I live check to check.

On top of this bullshit, I got a letter from Chase visa that they closed my account. That I've paid over on and never late for 4 years. The reason? My other cards are too close to their limits. They are, because I've been transferring money from my Chase (at 29% interest) onto the smaller rates to pay it off. I had over 1500 free on my chase visa. Now, that will go against my credit.

Manfriend offered to help me if I needed it. He's super cute and it's very thoughtful, but I have a hard time letting anyone help me. Thus my working two jobs for 4 years. I am uncomfortable when other people pay for me to do things too, I dont like to be a mooch! I'm trying to find a job to take on for a while. This is nuts. I make good money, and I'm in trouble.

That's what's wrong with the world today.

The moral of this story is pay your taxes.
Even though its a crock of shit, that you pay triple taxes on money you earn. And then move out of the city that makes you pay stupid taxes, and go to another city, where e-check seems like small potatos in comparison. That is the only perk of living in my county. I'm beginning to favor traffic noise, over listening to dirt bikes all day/night in the woods.
And then, take up a collection with me and buy an island, where non of this bullshit will happen to any of us! Come on!

Monday, July 27, 2009

I heart Vegetables...

I went to dinner this weekend with the manfriend's family for his sister's birthday. We went to Bar Symon. It was really yummy, and any time I can order hard cider on draft I'm a happy girl! I ate some macaroni and cheese. I guess this guy was on the iron chef and won. So, it wasn't real mac and cheese, it was different noodles, and chicken, and goat cheese.

Goats make good cheese. I was a virgin. I had just spent Friday night at the winery with some gals, petting the goats. (and savoring their new Blueberry wine....delish!!)

Back to dinner. Manfriend's dad ate the weirdest things. Like, pork cracklings....pork croutons....and the kicker. Bone marrow. Um, they brought out sliced bones, and he spooned the jellified marrow onto toast. And ate it.

Omg, I can't believe people do that.

I loved my food, and also tried fried brussell sprouts. I heart fresh brussell sprouts.

We all went bowling after stopping back at his Dad's for some ice cream cake. Cosmic bowling. I happened to beat the manfriend once at bowling, and it made him mad. In a fun way.

I ate and drank way too much this weekend, and now its back to double workouts again to make up for it all.

I don't heart working out.

P.S. Did you watch Big Brother, and Jessie saying he is devastatingly handsome? He is disgusting, and the way lydia and natalie gush over him makes me want to puke!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Honest Scrap, sounds like Crap....

I got an award from Whiskey Girl! I think its my first award, so I feel honored.
Here are the rules:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

2. First, the recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

3. Second, the recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

4. Third, those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.

5. Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them “The Honest Scrap’ award.

I've blogged like everything in my life so I'll try to find things you may not know if you havnt been here since 2005!

1.) I'm divorced. I married my "high school sweetheart" (thats a loose term) and was divorced by 23 because he was an abusive asshole that cheated on me, and said he couldn't stop cheating on me. Yea, I'm better off!

2.) I used "the secret" to completely turn my life around, and if you had known me 2 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me as the same person. Not just my outward appearance (lost 72lbs) but inward. I love myself, and I am a happy, positive person, who through positive changes, met her perfect matched manfriend, and almost doubled her salary and no longer work 2 jobs!

3.) I sleep with an insane amount of pillows. I need them all to be strategically placed for optimal sleeping. I even adapted this to my couch sleeping, since I can't sleep in my bed alone anymore. (manfriend ruined this for me) I also share a leg pillow with my manfriend when we sleep together. It's kinda cute. And a big step for me!

4.) I'm going to win the lottery and buy an Australian island before I'm old!

5.) I hate kids. Wait, everyone knows that.

6.) I lounge around in the buff at home quite often. I believe you should relish this aspect of living alone.

7.) I collect rocks from places I visit. I have them all in an old milk jug, and some in my yard. My most interesting rock is one that my friend kat got me at the great buddha in Japan! The rest are from hikes, or beaches, or.....wait for it.....Lake Erie! The lake produces great flat rocks! Manfriends mom got me one from a volcano in Hawaii too.

8.) I cant stand gum. The sound, the smell, the wrapper, anything! I cannot stand it!

9.) I like plastic forks. I will use metal but I prefer not to, because it makes me uncomfortable. I dont like how they feel on my lips, and now I have goosebumps thinking about it!

10.) I use to be afraid of my stuffed animals. I think that my brother and/or sister told me they would eat me at night, because that's what pops into my head. I think its a repressed memory.

I'm not giving an award because I suck at time management outside of work, and I don't have time. I think everyone should do it, and tell me they did!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

At Least I Wore Pants...

I was walking into work today and thought, my walk felt sort of weird. Uneven if you will.

When I got into work I looked down at my feet and this is what I saw:

On the left you have my old navy wedge flip flop, in black...and on the right the shoe I meant to wear to work, in brown. The shoe on the right is a smidge taller. Enough to be annoying when I walk. They were matched up side by side downstairs as a pair when I left for work.

I was accosted at my door last night by my manfriend in a fit of passion when he came over... and may have messed up my shoe line. I guess this is what you get for having hot and heavy um....relations. I'll take it. No complaints!

Plus, I can just hide in my cubicle all day.

I ended up working out another HOUR last night, two hours. Tonight, same thing. I havn't been sore in a while, and it kinda feels good to push myself!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sometimes I feel like a hamster....

I'm tired. Is there a pill for that? One that wont make me stay up all night? Or unable to function without it? Ugh. So this week I have been back to double work outs. I havnt lost weight for a while. I'm stagnant.

Monday. Lunch - 55 minutes running
Monday evening - 30 minutes running, 20 minutes on the glider. Decide the glider is worse than the eliptical, and curse it. Chest weight machines, the leg machine that works your buns.

Tuesday. Lunch - 30 minutes running. 25 minutes on the glider. Still think the glider sucks.
Tuesday evening - 30 minutes running, 20 minutes on the eliptical. Decide since doing the glider, that the eliptical is much easier. No weights.

Today, I'll do something similar.

The only good thing about evening workouts is seeing the old 'crowd' from when I did evening workouts before. And getting a "you can tell you lost weight" compliment from someone. That, and being able to watch Bravo.

Who watched big brother? I hate Ronnie. he's a worm, and you'll hear my cheers for miles when he gets his ass kicked off the show.

Who watched Hells Kitchen? Now......THIS is a good season! I wonder if Gordon and Joe are gonna throw down? And I also hate Van! Those boys all have to much testosterone. They need laid.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

High Risk....

I had my cholesterol tested at work yesterday. It was free. Of course, I didn't fast or anything, but what the hell. I've lost weight. I work out every day. I eat healthy 80% of the time. What have I got to lose?


My cholesterol was 235. Ideal range is under 200. 200-239 is borderline high.

A coworker that works out more than me, weighs much less, and eats way better, is up to 243. I swear you can't win for losing.

On a higher note, I still have excellent blood pressure, 115/60. I just have to tackle my cholesterol. So, I googled it....

I already do everything they say, no red meat, lean meats (chicken, turkey, tuna) fruits and vegetables, limit your sodium and butter. I eat sodium free vegetables if they are canned, and low sodium soup if I eat soup. I use low sodium salt! I mostly eat sugar free everything too. Low fat cheese. Skim milk. Honestly, I don't know what else to change. I eat regular on the weekend usually. Can two days really screw up your cholesterol?

My favorite part about the "how to lower your cholesterol"? Eat complex carbs at every meal. Anything that encourages me to eat carbs is my new best friend! Watch me lower my cholesterol. I'm going to make a Dr. appointment in about a month to see if it's lower.

I miss being 16 and eating snickers and nutter butters for lunch, with dr. pepper to wash it down, and eating taco bell all night since that was my job, oh, and being a size 9. Having health risks makes me feel old. And I don't wanna!

So, since my HDL cholesterol is high (this one is suppose to be high...from working out they said) I decided if thats whats preventing heart disease, (they said its balancing out my bad cholesterol so I wont keel over) I should workout more. So I did another half hour after work, and did some weight machines. I'll likely do another double work out today. Maybe this cholesterol thing is the kick in the pants I needed to lose the last size I wanted to lose!

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm tired of titles...

I got my phone. It's a Sanyo SC2700. It's way cute. It was $20 after a $50 mail in rebate. I go to mail in my rebate form yesterday, and it expired on July 11th. I bought my phone on July 17th. So um, someones gonna go ahead and fix this mishap (read: Lie as I was told I'd get a $50 rebate when he sold me the phone) or I return the phone. K.

I really, really hate saying goodbye to my manfriend. I'm kinda sick and tired of it. You know he got me a ring holder for his bathroom cus I put my jewelry in there when I stay over, and he doesn't want me to lose it. I mean, it's a little thing, but it's big, like the time he bought me the feeder/waterer bowls for my cats and dog so I wouldn't worry about my pets when I stayed up in Cleveland with him.

I love that boy.

But what I hate is Ronnie on Big Brother 11. Who comes in a close second to Chima. Who's with me? Who does this broad think she is? Telling Casey who to put on food restriction, unless "you want to go home". I'd have a hard time not pulling her fake hair out her head.

I tivo'd dating in the dark. It's so ridiculous, it just might be good. And, I'm addicted to reality TV.

I think that since my Mom said I can put some crap in her shed I'm going to start clearing out my apartment. I packed months ago, stuff I don't use. And I have a garage full of stuff.

Once I start moving stuff, perhaps it'll get the universe flowing some fabulous apartment my way and I'll be happy.

I really don't want to spend another winter getting up and down my driveway of doom. And, 'm tired of all the miles on my car.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I got online today to pay my credit cards. (grrrr) I got a credit increase on one of my cards, that had an introductory 0% APR... I'd transfered from my 29% card (yes, 29%) onto this and have been paying it down.

*angels sing*

So, I got on the phone and transfered more money onto it from the higher rate. My rate went up to 10% now from the 0% but doesn't that still beat 29%? I think so.

I can see an end to that shitty ass CHASE credit card in the next couple of years. Sooner if I get any more credit line increases.

They can eat a dick and choke to death for all the money they charge people.

In light of my recent savings, I'm thinking of getting this phone, which is available to me for free since my contract is up.....

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Two things That bother me....

Two things have been bothering me as of late.

1. Why do they think we don't know this is a stripper pole? You can try out this fitness pole before buying. Like I would want something some skank rubbed her vag on. Gross.

2. Has anyone else noticed in the 600 hours of Michael Jackson footage, that he obviously dyed Prince Michael Jacksons hair blonde? He has roots in some of the pictures, and now his hair is black. Is it normal to dye a babies hair? I didn't think so.
2a. Why does Paris have a bottle?
2b. This picture reminds me of those creepy kids in "Flowers In the Attic".

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Debbie Downer...

I dunno if its PMS......(which is a real-live thing, right ladies?) or what, but I am in a rut or something. I really just feel blah. I want to do something, but I'm too tired. I want to move but I don't have the money to put a deposit on a place. I can't save money because of my bills, and I know I have that impending garnishment for my taxes, and that scares me too. Plus, my dentist bill is due. Plus I'm trying to pay off my credit cards.

I want to buy a house, because I watch too much "house hunters" on HGTV. (I blame my cheap cable for this, trying to save money and having no juicy reality TV is making me miserable) Then I realize, while my bankruptcy and foreclosure from my previous marriage may be off my credit report now...I don't have a penny to put down on a house. So why torture myself? I'm not qualified for any first time home buyers offers cus I already screwed up once.

I want to run away.

I keep having horrible dreams. Last night, I dreamt my manfriend cheated on me. I always wake up at 3 am with a bad dream. That was one I was glad to wake up from, and find out it wasn't real. I was so heartbroken, it put me in a shitty mood for the day.

The night before that, I woke myself up yelling in a dream. I have never in my 33 years done that before. That had something to do with a friend at my party this past weekend, going home with a random guy. Not my style, but whatchagondo?

Sometimes being a grown up isn't all that great. I want to go home and get into bed and forget about the world.

Yea, it's PMS.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Dreaming in Color...

About a week ago, I dreamt my manfriend knocked out my ex BF, Z for coming to my door. He hit him once, and his head came open and he bled to death in seconds. Pow! Then my manfriend went to jail. Boo hoo.

That ex called me again yesterday. I hope my manfriend doesn't go to jail. He calls. Leaves me a voicemail saying its him and to answer the phone, and then calls me 3 more times. I never answer him. I don't understand why he still calls me.

Last night, I dreamt I got fired. I came to work and they were cleaning out my desk. I asked why and they wouldnt tell me. I left, and was really upset, of course, and had to move in with my Mom. I got to work today and told my coworker about my dream and she said "Oh my god, I dreamt the same thing!!". Meaning, she also dreamt I got fired.

Apparently, she says it was good because I ended up making more money. So then I looked up online why I dreamt that, and it said "you want to end a relationship in waking life".

I said to my coworker "maybe I got fired for looking up my dreams online"......

I am exhausted from my weekend. I was up until......wait for it, 8:30 am on saturday/sunday. How insane is that? We went to bed around 5 though. So, you figure what happened in between there. All I will say is at 8:30, when I got out of bed, there was a perfect sweat impression of me in the sheets.

And that my friends, is something to be jealous of!

Friday, July 10, 2009

I want Fried Cheese...

I want some fried cheese on a stick. However, I have a mere 9 lbs to meet my first weight loss goal to go. That's right, I got on the scale. Not bad. Another 20 wouldn't hurt either, but I'm aiming for the 9lbs.

I still want fried cheese. It's the festival "Canal Days" this weekend at my house. I'll smell the cheese tonight. As I eat my salad and turkey burger.

Party this weekend, at my house, after canoeing, which will be a blast! And fireworks at 10!

And...I'm having fried cheese!

And lots of alchohol.
Because I can.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Hiring is my Forte....

Remember how weeks ago all I did was interview people? And I complained about how bad it sucked? Cus, well, it did? Apparetnly, hiring is my forte.

I mean, the people I hired are awesome. The one girl is doing her newsletters perfect, and the "new girl" who's been here almost 2 years still makes a million errors. The other girl, I show her stuff once, and she is doing it on her own. The only downside is the one is real churchly. She isn't the kind to beat you in the head with it, but I felt really shitty when today someone scared me and I yelled "JESUS!"....

Anyway, my boss said all this good its thanks to good hiring.

I hope my awesomeness is remembered on my review.

Plus, I have been redoing all the processes in the department to make them more efficient. And what use to take us 4 weeks to do, has just taken us two.

Even better, I don't have a VP anymore. I'm simply a boss, doing boss-ly things. No more checking the mail. Answering the line. Running the awards. It's so weird, and hard to get use to.

Who's the man?

That'd be me!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Things I heard about 100 times this weekend....

And by things I mean thing said to me and or/me and the manfriend:

"when are you two getting married"

I simply answered that we aren't even living together. I tried to pretend like the manfriend didn't hear any of it too, but I can't be certain.

I was also hanging out with manfriends friends. This isn't even my own friends harassing me.

I try to let things just happen. And not think about them. I don't like when other people try to put their crap on you like........you've been dating almost 2 years and you dont live together? Have you thought about it?

It starts to make me feel panicked. It sounds nice, but it scares me as much as it probably scares him. I've been on my own for a loooooooooooooooooong loooooooooooooooooooooong (read 5 years) time. Plus two years prior to now on my own. I had some douch come in and out over that time, but I've been paying the bills on my own and/or supporting someone else.

It's ok for a girl to be scared too. I wish people would get them some bizness, and not try to make me feel bad because I'm living my life the way I want to.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009



One American Music Awards Michael Jackson Doll. His head was missing, but after digging through my "bag o barbies" I successfully reattached his noggin. He has a rip in his jacket shoulder, and his shoulder "straps" are coming apart. Has no pants. But I found both shoes. No socks. Missing his microphone, and signature silver glove.

The moral of this story is. I'm not getting rich off my Michael Jackson doll.

It would have been nice to get rich quick... seeing how I owe my city taxes from 2006 and they are trying to haul me off to court. Only by court, I mean they told me my case is in court, and I can't do anything about it but wait for a letter where they will try to garnish my wages, and make payments to avoid that.

The moral of that story is pay your taxes. Even small towns don't put up with that shit. Assholes.

The second moral of that story is don't work two jobs. Because not only does it suck your will to live for years and years, and you learn to live with no time to do anything, you end up owing more on your taxes, because apparently, you work two jobs because you are rich, not because you needed the money.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Things that make you go euuuw...

I'm still horribly busy at work. But not too busy to workout of course. Today some girl decided to wash her girly bits in front of 5 women at the sink in the locker room. Just shoved a wet paper towel down there, both sides, and tossed it in the trash.

I mean, sure you gotta clean yourself, but we have a shower room, shower stalls, and 2 curtained areas, not to mention like 10 toilet stalls. My personal opinion is do private things in private, I dont want to see you do that. Especially since you know...I work out in my gym at WORK and see these people in the halls.

Friday I spent with my manfriend. We watched "The Watchmen" which was 3 hours of wasted life, other than I got to snuggle with him, and I like snuggling. Dumb. Movie.

Saturday, I drove home, and met my girlfriend for the trip back up to Cleveland for the holiday. I decided on Sweet tea vodka, and club soda to drink. Yum. It's 70 proof too.

We cooked out with friends, and played bean bag toss (I hate the word cornhole its for your ass) and I actually scored some points. The trick is lifting your back leg up when you toss the bag. We all headed to the roof for fireworks, where I almost grabbed a bottle rocket someone was letting off, thinking it was a sparkler. See why you shouldn't play with alchohol and fireworks?

My girlfriend and I took a trip to get smokes, and stopped along the way for photos at some crap bar. We stood in the longest BP line known to man, and made friends with some random people and had pictures taken. We're from out of town. We were tipsy, maybe we shouldn't have been walking alone. Then we ran into manfriend's friend, and walked to the Mars bar for a shot. After a while I remembered to text my manfriend... Whoops. We lost track of time.

We played pong with our alchohol, great idea. And danced to some snazzy music the manfriend was playing. We were up until 6 in the morning. It was a fabulous fourth of July, and I can't wait until this weekend when we have a party at my house for Canal Days!