"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Monday, December 08, 2014

Being Alone Finally Feels Worth It...


Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!

The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!

That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".

This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!

Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would. 

He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and  tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!

I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome. 

Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!

And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.

But necessary, nonetheless!

I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.

Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Dating...?

I never thought of myself as fickle.  But when it comes to dating, I have to believe this is a good thing? You know, you see what's out there...find what you like before committing to any certain guy?

I mean, back in the stone age, (your teens and 20's) you would meet a guy, hit it off, and fall right into a long-term relationship. At least that is how it has always worked out for me.

I hadn't heard much from high school guy. I was also dating new old guy, and that seems less exciting since he is really shitty at communication. I seem to be remembering why things didn't work out the first time. Isn't it funny the things you forget over time?

Meantime I've told high school date guy that I am only dating, and nothing is serious, and until someone I like enough to be exclusive with asks me to be exclusive, I'm doing just that! And, I don't see the harm! I'm not sleeping around, I'm going out to dinner! Seeing movies! Hanging out, drinking coffee, and seeing what I see!

That being said, I have a date with high school guy this weekend.

I guess I am still paddling in this dating pond! But at least it is a leisurely pace, and I don't seem to mind as much.


Monday, November 17, 2014

Another Date....

It's weird to say I had a second date with someone I dated sort of seriously before...but it was our second new date!

I was even more nervous for this date, because I had less than 24 hours notice of said date.

I am a planner. I have my whole week planned out on Sunday! Actually, I have my whole life planned out.  I know the days I go to the gym, the days I run, the days I take my dogs to the park, when I grocery shop, when I prepare my food for the week...and yes, I realize how very single, and tragic this may sound!

So, I got a text one evening asking if I'd like to meet the following evening...after WORK..because he was working near my side of town the next day (we live about an hour apart)...my first instinct was to say I was busy. I mean, I go to the gym at that time every single week... But my second instinct was that I am trying to break out of my shell, and this wouldn't happen very often, and I wanted to see  him, and so I said YES!

At dinner, in the spirit of being honest, I told him that I am a planner, and this was outside of my comfort zone, and that I usually like a 48 hour advance notice to go out, but that I knew this was something that just came up so of course I said yes, and it was good to do once in a while....even though I was laughing when I said this, I meant it.

He got some extra points for saying he noted that I like advance notice for going out. And it sparked a really great conversation after that!

It was about 20 degrees that night, and he walked me to my car, like a gentlemen...and we hugged...and still no kiss!!

I remember the last time that we dated, years ago..it took him about 4 dates to finally lay one on me. I remember thinking he didn't even like me, because he didn't make a move.






Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Last Race of the Season???....

I was so caught up with my Disney vacation, and my new date that I never posted about my last race!

That, and the fact that it was just for "fun" and swag, and not for time, were both factors!

I did the Bernie Kosar Shuffle in Cleveland in October.

Sure, I don't like sports, let alone the BROWNS, and my Mom is a huge Steelers fan, and Bernie may be washed up for some people...but I am a sucker for a great medal. And an even bigger sucker for awesome swag.

It was raining, 30mph winds, and miserable. All of my friends that talked me into the race never signed up and it sold out. I luckily found two girls at work (that I didn't even know) and hitched a ride to the big city with them.

It was one of the most miserable runs due to the conditions (a level below canceling on the race advisory). And I've run at the beach in 90+ degree days, and in the snow.



That is a pretty sweet medal ..you rarely get a 5k medal, and well, it's glittery!! 


The swag was nice, a tshirt, medal, and a browns colored sweatband that may have saved my ears from freezing off!


Rest assured, we got a picture with Bernie, but letting the world see that would be a great injustice to all of us gals. It was a really rough day! But here he is right before we got our picture!

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Is Timing Really Everything?....

You hear it all the time, right?..."timing is everything"....

Is it? When things never seem to go as you want them to go...this sounds like a bunch of malarky...but on that off chance things seem to fall into place...you can begin to embrace this as truth!

As I mentioned before, I had dated a guy a couple years back, and I was too hung up on my exmanfriend to give it a real go, and we just recently re-connected.

Great conversation, lots of laughing, and I felt 100% at ease from the moment he walked thru my door!

I felt like a lady the entire night...I can't remember the last time a guy took me out and made even the smallest effort to do so!

Even though we had a *cough* "history", he still kept it classy!!! He drove me home in the wee hours of the morning, and asked me on another date before giving me a hug and a few little kisses and went on his hour trek home....

I am kind of in love with the idea that he didn't assume that since we had gone further than this before, that "it" was not where our date was heading.

I didn't know guys like this even existed anymore?

He said the next day he wanted to see me again...SOON. I told him I felt the same way.

Dating mostly sucks...but sometimes you actually have a fun time!

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Doggy Paddeling in the Dating Pool...

Dating is a lot of work in your late 30's! Especially online dating!

You email, you text, you talk, you decide not to meet.

You email, you text, you talk, you decide to actually meet, and then you decide to not talk to them again.

This whole process takes a lot of time! Lather, rinse, repeat! 

Turns out, I actually know this guy! And not in a "you shouldn't be dating this guy again" kinda way either!

He is a friend of a friend's husband, and we dated off and on a couple years back after one of my many ..many break ups with exmanfriend.

We met at a time in my life when I was not yet over the ex. we had fun, he treated me like a lady, we had great chemistry, laughs, the whole nine. At the time, I had expected to have the same deep feelings for him as I had for my ex...expected to jump right back into couple-dom and decided I wasn't getting "enough" even though I told him I only wanted to date casually

...plus, I was still hoping exmanfriend would realize the error of his ways.

You live and learn!

I've been relationship-less for a few years now, and I am finally open for something new! He said he had been thinking about me for a very long time. I admitted that the past few months I had been wondering about him as well.

He said he would LOVE to take me out, and to anywhere that I wanted. That is a lot of pressure! If someone is taking you out how do you decide the level of dining? Fast food? Retail Chain? Mom and Pop diner???? I left the dinner up to him.

He picked one of the nicest restaurants around. One I'd never been to. It was a lot of pressure!

No one has ever taken me to such a fancy place! Especially not for a first (or maybe 10th or so/second first) date!

I'm not complaining. It has been a very long time since I've been wined and dined!! I'm so excited to go on a date again, followed by a movie.. and I already know that we get along.

In true dating fashion, once I got another date, HS friend asked me out. I told him I was busy this weekend, and he asked if it was an internet date. I said "no, I actually know the guy in real life".  He wished me luck.

But in retrospect...that was kind of a mean thing to say after  not talking to me for a week, not seeing you for almost a month, and then asking me out two days before you want to go out with me! Right? I would love to go out again but I already had plans.

So..wish me luck!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

My Magical Disney Vacation...

I'm just back from my 6 day stay in sunny Florida. Temps were in the mid 80's and, sunny. I flew home to 50 degrees and rain in Ohio...sad face. But spending all day every day in the sun got me a great tan!

I won't even dwell on the fact that my flight home was delayed 45 minutes due to a problem with the plane, and  how I saw it all unfold via my coveted window seat......because  I'm home safe and sound, and that's all I prayed for!

The electric parade at the magic kingdom

I had the best time with my high school friend who lives in Orlando. She was a great hostess and took me all over and spent time doing the things she's done a billion times just so I could have a good vacation!

She also works at a Disney resort, so she got me into the parks, including fast passes for several rides, ALL FOR FREE!

My vacation days started before the birds got up, and ended around midnight, we walked on average 7-12 miles a day in the sun, and I loved every single second of it all! I found Disney to be AMAZING!! I had never been! I think I enjoyed it much more as an adult than I would have as a child anyway, seeing how I understand that it costs a buttload to go there, unlike most of the screaming, ungrateful kids I saw at all of the parks!

Here are a few picture highlights in no particular order!


I got to dance with the Parade Characters! (the incredibles here)


We drove almost two hours to see Clearwater beach. I had never been to the gulf.

I could see my feet in waist deep water!!!


I mean...look at this beach!


I just loved this one-legged seagull..


I'm 100% sure that one legged seagull wasn't the jerk that poo'd on me!


A show at the Magic Kingdom



Animal Kingdom Safari



the chimp on the tree of life at Animal Kingdom

 the streets of hollywood studios!

The animatronics were so life-like it was creepy!


Meeting Canadian Lumber Jacks at Epcot..with Sangria!


The Epcot Ball!

 Hollywood Studios

Cinderellas Castle at The Magic Kingdom


You would be surprised how awesome Billy Ocean is when you have been drinking wine all day!


Disney Parade


Spent an entire day two fisting way more wine than food at the food and wine festival



Found a winery that had two resident weiner dogs...I mean I was in heaven!


I had the best vacation! We did so much every day! I got to enjoy the Epcot food and wine festival, Hollywood studios, Animal Kingdom, Clearwater beach, and the hilight.......the Magic Kingdom. 

After watching the electric parade, followed by the lighted castle show, and fireworks at Disney World, I couldn't help but be caught up in all of the Magic of Disney!

I am still riding my Disney high, sorting through over 1,000 pictures, and sporting a super sweet tan!

I am already thinking about my next visit...I plan to run the 2016 princess half marathon at Disney!

I love my life!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Half Marathon #5...and Being a Real Runner...

I still don't refer to myself a runner, despite the last 3 years of training, and all of my races. I think like most aspects of life, you see those that are better than you, and you try to compare yourself, or live up to their levels.

For instance, at most races, I consider the "real runners" to be the ones running around 30 minutes before the race even starts, while I just awkwardly stretch out my leg muscles 10 minutes before start time.

Some say, if you run...you are a runner. I'm trying to embrace this philosophy!

With that said, I had my final half marathon of the season! I did fantastic with my bronchitis, and food issues until around mile 7. I started to count down the miles at this point, which any runner knows...is never a good thing.

Around mile 10, my feet hurt so bad, the numbness turned back into pain, and I started walking/jogging until mile 12. I finally thought...the faster I run, the sooner this will be over!

I finished at 2:38. my best time ever was 2:30 so I was on track to beat that if not for my issues.

I still had fun, the course was beautiful, and I  am celebrating with one...or two glasses of wine while my feet are on ice.


The course is gorgeous!


medal number 12! I am in love with medals!

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Speedy Feet Update....

I had my visit to the podiatrist, and turns out I have what is called Morton's Neuroma.  In short, my second and third toe bones are so close together that strenuous activity causes them to aggravate the nerves between the toes, causing a benign nerve tumor.

The Doc was confident that with anti-inflammatories, strategic icing after activity, and some fancy (and expensive) shoe inserts, I would be fine to run my relay, and possibly my upcoming half marathon. If not, he would treat me with cortisone injections right before my race. No fractures, and I didn't have to stop running!

After one run in with my fancy inserts, I developed blisters on the back of my heels because they cause my shoes to fit differently. I didn't have time to break them in slowly, so, I had to forgo the inserts for my 5.5 mile leg of the Akron Marathon relay.

As luck would have it the night before the race I developed bronchitis!! But in true form, and against my Momma's wishes...I pushed through and ran for my team...(ok, and maybe I have a problem admitting defeat!). I even had a 10:14 pace, my average is 9-10, so I was really surprised at that because I felt like I was running in slow motion, and I had a hard time breathing.

The upside? My feet held out for me, and I got my awesome medal. I heart medals!


I visit the foot Doc at the end of the week for my follow up. I am thinking I may need to see him after my half as well, since I won't be able to use the inserts this close to the big race. But I'm more worried about my horrible cough. 

After my half marathon, I'm jet-setting off to Orlando for vacation with one of my oldest friends, where I will celebrate the end of my official race season by drinking large quantities of wine, enjoying Disney (for the first time), the beach, and a week's worth of girl time!