"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Monday, January 19, 2015

Technology Rules the World...


Like most people, I've become accustomed to modern conveniences. I love being able to watch Netflix on my phone. Taking calls wherever I am, having instant access to my email.

But the last two weeks have reminded me that I am in no way ready should tragedy ever strike!

I was at the hair salon (getting 7" cut off my hair for the new year, new me!!!) and I lost my wifi connection...it happens.

On the way home, my local talk radio station was talking about how there were reports of AT&T cell phone outages, and AT&T internet is down. Stopped at the gas station, and the credit card machines were down. Went to two ATM's...OUT OF SERVICE!! I never carry cash! I'm broke!! The radio said several restaurants were unable to take your credit cards.

I got home, and MY internet was down. I had no cell service, yet I have Sprint. I turned on the news...nothing. I wanted to listen to the radio, but who still has a radio? I use the computer for I heart radio!!! I found a small portable radio in my closet...But I had NO BATTERIES!!

As the hours ticked by without even emergency cell service.. I thought what if it's terrorists? 911 lines were all down in several counties according to the local radio station, you had to call the police direct, but if you have no phone...good luck! What if someone breaks in? I have no land line!!! I headed to my Moms at 10:30pm because I knew she would worry, and her phone worked just fine.

The next week, I'm cleaning the snow off my car, go to get back in...and my DOORS ARE LOCKED. Now, my car will not even lock if I try to lock it while it is running in park unless I lock them manually, not with the key fob.

My purse is in the car. My cell phone. My car is running. I only have 1/4 a tank of gas. The keys to my apartment...in the ignition! I have no cash on my person, but there is a pay phone nearby. I try to call work collect. You can't. I call information to find out our 1800 number because I don't have it memorized! (just as I have no ones phone number memorized for that matter) Information charges 65 cents to give you a number, but they take debit cards...helpful.

I went back home and drug a park bench to all my windows trying to break in my apartment. Good to know that it is not so easy! I finally broke down in tears and went to the circle K and asked if I could use their phone I am locked out of my apartment/car. I called a coworker to come get me, and drive me to my Moms to get the spare key to my apartment, so I can hopefully find the spare key to my car.

Long story short...sure technology is convenient, but it can also backfire on you at any time! I am making plans to avoid these things in the future!


Monday, January 12, 2015

Giving Yourself A Break, Shouldn't Last Too Long...



For my Birthday/Christmas/New Year, I bought myself a Fitbit. Because I needed a kick in the pants. I mean...a BIG one!

I always take "time off" after my "last" half marathon of the season, to eat, drink, and be merry...usually it's just a few weeks, and I'm back to running and boot camp, like nothing ever happened.

I went to Florida after this last race, and then I pushed my time off so far that my gym trainer was actually texting me ideas to try to get me to come back to the gym. (I heart her!!)

Aside from a few random 3-4 mile runs, I had not worked out significantly for almost 3 months. Fitbit opened my eyes to my laziness! I also got off of my clean eating kick. And my pants had something nasty to say about that...it went something like...."bitch, you can't squeeze much more in here, can't you see that muffin top???"...)

It's NEVER easy to stay on a path of health and fitness. If it were, everyone would do it! My upside is that over that last few years instead of a "diet", or a set time of working out, I've finally decided that I have to eat well and be active to be happy. Not just with my weight, but in the way I feel when I do those things. I feel so much better when I run faster, or lift a bigger weight!

And now...it's just 137 days until my next half marathon.

Here's to the new year, and staying on a path that makes me happy




Saturday, December 27, 2014

Exes and Oh No You Didn'ts...


Some people think that it is flattering when an ex tries to come back into your life. You think they must still love me! They realize they were wrong in letting me go!? Surely, they have seen the error of their ways and want to be in my life again!!??

Being a wise 39 years old..I think it is mainly due to the sixth sense that the opposite sex seems to have, that knows you are finally trying to move on.

Nine times out of 10, they are the ones that tell you to move on! And, after being prodded to move on and see other people, you begrudgingly seek a new relationship, and then...you know how it works. It never fails, once you start seeing someone else, the ex always comes sniffing back around.

There have been a few times that I was all too happy to try things again with a guy, and break off a possible promising new relationship.

But it was only to realize that leopards don't usually change their spots. Or, more fittingly, people don't tend to change unless they really put their heart and soul into it.

My #1 guilty relapse relationship is with ex-manfriend. We've been broken up for real for like 2 years..and I can't count the number of times I tried to make things work with this guy, or how many potentially great guys that I dated that I tossed aside to pursue what was so obviously (in retrospect) broken.

Enter in 3 months ago when I finally realized after a turn of events that I probably really did need to shut the door on exmanfriend.  I realized that in fact, I was probably holding onto something that was no longer there.

And as with most relationships gone wrong...in time I realized...despite the feelings, we just were not meant to be!

He told me to delete his number, and I blogged that if it were only that easy to forget someone. But it worked out pretty well for me. I stopped thinking about us in the future. I finally shut the door on what could have been, and I started to see things for what they were.

While he kept contacting me sporadically..I came to realize, that if he felt 1/10th about me the way I felt about him, we would be together. No questions asked, and I finally started to realize that I am the one who deserves more!

So, you know, I have been spending time now and then with a guy that I have been casually seeing, friends...but who knows where it's going, and I'm enjoying our time together..It may not be an official boyfriend, but it is just enough to get the ex radar going.

And today I was out shopping with my Mom and I got the text.

From exmanfriend.

Who told me to delete his number 3 months ago.

Simply saying Hi...and asking how I've been..And for the first time my initial reaction wasn't a pang of the heart..or wondering if this meant we could rekindle our "romance"...I was kind of ticked off because he was the one that told me to delete his number. HE thought that it would make it easy to forget about me.

But I'm grateful for what happened, because I finally realized that I in fact deserve more.

I am tired of being with guys who realize what they lost after they lose me. I want the guy who realizes what he has while he has me...and never lets me go.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Older and Wiser!

I celebrated another birthday, internets! And I must say,  I heart my late thirties (ok..I'm now almost 40!)

Sure, sometimes..I still freak out that I may never be married again, and that I might die alone, with my cats, and/or dogs licking the eyeballs out of my lifeless body...but other than that, life is pretty great!

As usual, I took an extended leave from work to celebrate my birthday/use up all my leftover vacation time I didn't have time to take because I'm too busy at work.

My best friend in the world that got engaged and moved three hours away from me came up for the occasion with her fiance. I had a delicious dinner at a swanky restaurant with them and my other BFF who was my date. After that we went to the local pub for some drinks, and we did a throwback shot of tequila.  (I remember why I no longer do those now)

With just two hours left until the bars closed, my bff, her fiance and I headed to my favorite dance spot (the local gay bar which has the best DJ and the most awesome people) and I danced until I was dripping in sweat, like I actually knew how to dance. The perfect ending to the evening!

I rounded my time off of work out with spending some time with HS friend, Christmas shopping with my Momma, taking my semi-new dog on a 3 mile run (and he loved it!)

I also spent an entire day in my PJ's watching Netflix and drinking chardonnay! Not because I was so sore from all of that dancing or anything.

I'm pretty sure, it doesn't get much better than that!


Mr. Bohannon still wanted to play after our run, while I was ready to chill.



Monday, December 08, 2014

Being Alone Finally Feels Worth It...


Being alone use to terrify me. I was always so wrapped up in my partner's life, that without him, I was lost. I always put someone else before myself, so the absence of that distraction forced me to focus on me...and THAT me was obviously not a happy girl. I didn't want to think about myself!

The best thing that ever happened to me was to be single for 3 years! Sure, it is scary to transition back into being alone, so I never in a billion years thought I would think this way!

That being said, it has been a very long time since I spent any more than a few hours with a guy where I wasn't counting down the seconds where I could get back to my comfortable "single existence".

This is the curse, or blessing of living alone for over 10 years!

Two weekend's ago I actually had a really great time with HS friend, and I wasn't even counting the moments until he left. A night out turned into spending a lot more time together than I thought we would. 

He took me to lunch the next day, where I watched an entire football game, and  tried to like it! And I hate football!! And if I'm being honest, it is kind of fun to watch how bent out of shape people get over a sports game! They act like it's "The Bachelor" or something!

I even wanted to see him again at the end of last week without giving it too much thought. I mean, usually I prefer to be alone..I am alone so much, I really enjoy the time I spend with me! I'm kind of awesome. 

Am I in love? No, silly! It's really OK to like a boy's company without wondering how well his last name will suit your first name!

And for the time being, I'm OK with that. Being alone for so long has taught me that it isn't the end of the world if someone decides they don't like you. Or if you decide that, as it turns out...things wouldn't work out in a serious relationship. I can finally understand that if things don't start to progress, it wasn't meant to be. It was a stepping stone, a lesson... a means to get you from one place to the next.

But necessary, nonetheless!

I'm confident in my ability to decide when something has gone on long enough without a commitment. I'll know when I feel like I want more, and if I ask and don't receive...I am just as confident in my ability to walk away.

Even though being alone for such a long time felt like torture at times, it turns out it was a blessing in disguise!


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Dating...?

I never thought of myself as fickle.  But when it comes to dating, I have to believe this is a good thing? You know, you see what's out there...find what you like before committing to any certain guy?

I mean, back in the stone age, (your teens and 20's) you would meet a guy, hit it off, and fall right into a long-term relationship. At least that is how it has always worked out for me.

I hadn't heard much from high school guy. I was also dating new old guy, and that seems less exciting since he is really shitty at communication. I seem to be remembering why things didn't work out the first time. Isn't it funny the things you forget over time?

Meantime I've told high school date guy that I am only dating, and nothing is serious, and until someone I like enough to be exclusive with asks me to be exclusive, I'm doing just that! And, I don't see the harm! I'm not sleeping around, I'm going out to dinner! Seeing movies! Hanging out, drinking coffee, and seeing what I see!

That being said, I have a date with high school guy this weekend.

I guess I am still paddling in this dating pond! But at least it is a leisurely pace, and I don't seem to mind as much.


Monday, November 17, 2014

Another Date....

It's weird to say I had a second date with someone I dated sort of seriously before...but it was our second new date!

I was even more nervous for this date, because I had less than 24 hours notice of said date.

I am a planner. I have my whole week planned out on Sunday! Actually, I have my whole life planned out.  I know the days I go to the gym, the days I run, the days I take my dogs to the park, when I grocery shop, when I prepare my food for the week...and yes, I realize how very single, and tragic this may sound!

So, I got a text one evening asking if I'd like to meet the following evening...after WORK..because he was working near my side of town the next day (we live about an hour apart)...my first instinct was to say I was busy. I mean, I go to the gym at that time every single week... But my second instinct was that I am trying to break out of my shell, and this wouldn't happen very often, and I wanted to see  him, and so I said YES!

At dinner, in the spirit of being honest, I told him that I am a planner, and this was outside of my comfort zone, and that I usually like a 48 hour advance notice to go out, but that I knew this was something that just came up so of course I said yes, and it was good to do once in a while....even though I was laughing when I said this, I meant it.

He got some extra points for saying he noted that I like advance notice for going out. And it sparked a really great conversation after that!

It was about 20 degrees that night, and he walked me to my car, like a gentlemen...and we hugged...and still no kiss!!

I remember the last time that we dated, years ago..it took him about 4 dates to finally lay one on me. I remember thinking he didn't even like me, because he didn't make a move.






Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Last Race of the Season???....

I was so caught up with my Disney vacation, and my new date that I never posted about my last race!

That, and the fact that it was just for "fun" and swag, and not for time, were both factors!

I did the Bernie Kosar Shuffle in Cleveland in October.

Sure, I don't like sports, let alone the BROWNS, and my Mom is a huge Steelers fan, and Bernie may be washed up for some people...but I am a sucker for a great medal. And an even bigger sucker for awesome swag.

It was raining, 30mph winds, and miserable. All of my friends that talked me into the race never signed up and it sold out. I luckily found two girls at work (that I didn't even know) and hitched a ride to the big city with them.

It was one of the most miserable runs due to the conditions (a level below canceling on the race advisory). And I've run at the beach in 90+ degree days, and in the snow.



That is a pretty sweet medal ..you rarely get a 5k medal, and well, it's glittery!! 


The swag was nice, a tshirt, medal, and a browns colored sweatband that may have saved my ears from freezing off!


Rest assured, we got a picture with Bernie, but letting the world see that would be a great injustice to all of us gals. It was a really rough day! But here he is right before we got our picture!

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Is Timing Really Everything?....

You hear it all the time, right?..."timing is everything"....

Is it? When things never seem to go as you want them to go...this sounds like a bunch of malarky...but on that off chance things seem to fall into place...you can begin to embrace this as truth!

As I mentioned before, I had dated a guy a couple years back, and I was too hung up on my exmanfriend to give it a real go, and we just recently re-connected.

Great conversation, lots of laughing, and I felt 100% at ease from the moment he walked thru my door!

I felt like a lady the entire night...I can't remember the last time a guy took me out and made even the smallest effort to do so!

Even though we had a *cough* "history", he still kept it classy!!! He drove me home in the wee hours of the morning, and asked me on another date before giving me a hug and a few little kisses and went on his hour trek home....

I am kind of in love with the idea that he didn't assume that since we had gone further than this before, that "it" was not where our date was heading.

I didn't know guys like this even existed anymore?

He said the next day he wanted to see me again...SOON. I told him I felt the same way.

Dating mostly sucks...but sometimes you actually have a fun time!