"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, September 30, 2005

Effects of Alchohol...

For Friday, I leave you with classic drunken Bier Haus photo's.

Me and Bubba

Tayray 2 Fistin' it. (*in her illegal work shirt to boot!)

(Bud Select, is the Beer of champions like Me and Tayray!)

My Sex Starved Animals....

Happy Happy Pay Day!!! Too bad Rent and car comes out of 1 check. Bleh!

So, my dog has this thing with humping. (I dunno WHERE she gets it from....)
She is female, and she isn't fixed. She humps my cats on a regular basis. (The females)
The cats seem to not mind because they get into it too. I have to yell at her to stop it, cus the cats just lay there and let her have a go at them!

But, it doesn't stop there. My dog, humps pillows, or the bed. Does anyone else's dog do this? It's really a disgusting thing to hear, when you are in the middle of having some good sex of your own!! You don't always think to lock the dog out. But the times I have locked her out, she just sits outside and scratches and whines at the door!

My male cat, has sex with his mother. He is fixed too.

My rabbits? They like to get their hump on too. Chelsea the female, humps Boo's, and Boo's humps Mystic. They don't even mind if its backwards or forwards. Hump a head, or a butt, it doesnt matter.

Hey, we're all just one big happy family!!

I got free texting on my celly for a month.

Camping this wknd.!! Of course, we have to work this evening, so me and WG will be joining the rest of the crew on Saturday. My brother is suppose to go with us too so he better not back out!
I heard there will be about 15 of us camping together. I think it will be roughly 30 degrees at night, so I am going to stock up on my layers. Which sucks, cus when you wanna have some camping sex, then you gotta take them all off, and put them back on again.

Today's Question(s) (cus the first one is some sort of trick!)

What is the best hiding place you know?

As if I would ever reveal my super-top-secret hiding spot to anyone??!! Next!

What is the biggest advantage you have over your lover?

2 words. MULTIPLE ORGASMS. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

If This Isn't Depressing....

Find out your own info! Click Here!
You entered: 12/14/1975

Your date of conception was on or about 23 March 1975.

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Sagittarius.
Your Life path number is 3.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442760.5.
As of 9/29/2005 12:18:38 PM CDTYou are 29 years old.
You are 357 months old.
You are 1,554 weeks old.
You are 10,882 days old.
You are 261,180 hours old.
You are 15,670,818 minutes old.
You are 940,249,118 seconds old.

There are 76 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 30 candles on it.
In 1975 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1975 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1975 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1975 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
Your birthstone is Blue Zircon
The Mystical properties of Blue Zircon helps one be more at peace with oneself. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)Blue Topaz, Ruby, Lapis Lazuli
Your birth tree is Fig Tree, the Sensibility

Very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a butterfly, good sense of humour, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

This part was interesting too, I did the what does your name mean at the same site:
The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.
Your Soul Urge number is: 4

A Soul Urge number of 4 means: With the Soul Urge or Motivation number of 4 you are likely to strive for a stable life. You tend to follow a rather orderly pattern and systematic approach in your endeavors. You have an inner desire to serve others in a methodical and diligent manner. You want to be in solid, conventional, and well-regulated activities, and you are somewhat disturbed by innovation and erratic or sudden changes.
Excellent at organizing, systematizing, and managing, you have a way of establishing order and maintaining it. You are responsible, reliable and in the final analysis, practical. Highly analytical, you can see your way through all sorts of situations and generally have a clear understanding of the issues. You are a very honest, sincere, and conscientious individual.

The negative side of the 4 is rigid, stubborn and somewhat narrow-minded. There is a tendency to hide feelings, or to really not be aware of real feelings. Avoid being too rigid and stubborn in your thinking, and try to always see the big picture rather than becoming to involved with the detail. Don't be afraid to take a chance once in awhile.


So...I am officially addicted to Lost. I can't help it, the show freaking rocks. If you are not up to date on the show don't read this post til the ******.

My friend Kat is equally as addicted which is nice to have someone to share theories with. I perused the message boards, and found some interesting links to clues.

This is a link to the mural in Desmond's hatch. You can blow it up. Some think the sun and waves mean a tidal wave. (which would explain how that ship got up into the trees where they found the dynamite) The number 108 in the sun, is the sum of all the 'numbers'.
(I dunno bout aisian names, but the wifes name is Sun, and the husbands is Jun, maybe that has to do with the mural???) If you think about everything, it will drive you nuts!

This is my favorite find on the boards. It is what Walt said to Shannon, when he reappeared dripping wet in the woods. It is played as it was aired, then played in reverse. He says "dont push the button, the button is bad" or, "push the button, the button is bad".
Remember at the end of last weeks episode, Jack was going to execute something on the computer and Locke appeared and said not to touch it. (the button is bad???)

Firstly, I don't at all think that is Walt dripping wet. I think it is Vincent, his dog. Call me crazy, but nothing makes sense on tht island! No one else has said that on the boards, so I could be stupid. But I think he left the dog on the island so he could speak through the dog.
Kat reminded me how Walt's stepdad was creeped out by him because he could 'do things' I completely forgot. I will be renting season 1 to watch them all again. People keep saying the comic has signifigance that Walt had. They think it has to do with the Green Lantern.
I think it has to do with him having the ability to do strange things. There was a polar bear on the comic last season. Then, one appeared on the island.

If you are a fellow Lost addict, you should definately check out this website. Lost FAQ's.
The most interesting topic, is the numbers. How often they are referenced throughout the show individually, and not together.

I'm still not for sure what is going on. I thought they were all in hell. But now, with Jack having met Desmond before the island, I think there is some government testing going on. Desmond was super fast when he was running. And he is injecting himself with 'something'.
Did anyone else notice people seem to be 'cured' once on the island? So far, Locke got his legs back in working order. And on last nights show, Walter's dad was on disability, and walking with a cane, and now he is fine on the island. I was so pissed off it ended with 'the others' coming out of the woods. ARGH! Another week to wait! This show has got the best writing, everything is a clue. I love it!

Well the cold weather has officially moved into town. It's gonna be 59 today! It spent all night blowing around! My dog was scared of the wind and snuggled with me. I was toasty warm with my cuddly doggy and my boyfriend. I woke up to one of my screens being half out of the window. I really hope no cats got out! The wind was pretty bad! Brrrrrrrr.......

We are going camping this wknd. This is camping weather. 40 degree nights. MMMMM! I'm only going 1 night, cus me and WG have to work Fri. night, and I don't have a doggie sitter. My brother is suppose to go with us too. It'll be a fun time.

I brought some rings to work to be sized. A girl at works husband does it. My friend Beth had her new ring overlayed with white gold. You can't even tell, it looks so nice! Now I will have jewelry again. How nice for me.

I got free internet on my celly for a month. You know, they sell you crap. I called about adding WG to my phone account, because he went way over his minutes. We're in love, leave us alone. But, they told me I can have that free for a month.

Today's Question:

What is the Biggest Suprise you have ever had in bed?

Hmmm. like most girls, that'd be the time it 'accidentally' went in the wrong hole! HELLO! I say accidentally cus that was the excuse I was given, like it is even something that can accidentally be done!!! MEN!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


When did I become this girl?

"If you could let me know either way, so I can explore other avenues"
"Maybe she used that in leu of asking for a phone number?"
"I've exhausted all the resources on my end"

Somewhere along the line, I went and grew up. When I said these things at work, I thought, did I just say that? And..why? I didn't even think about it.

I remember I couldn't even drive a friggin' car. I got yelled at for not being able to check traffic, and stay in the same lane without swerving. I couldn't 'multitask'.

Stupid Driving Instructor: "You'll never get your liscence!"

Now, my life is one giant multitask.
I think every one of my friends, has done the same thing. Working 2 jobs at some point. The moral to this story is, women clearly are the better sex, and why the FUCK isn't a woman in the presidency?????

I'd love someone else to make all my decisions!! Tell me what to say! Not get fired for screwing things up pretty bad. People can be killed and I wont go to jail! And..they'd pay me a shitload of money for doing nothing but golf. Only, I wouldn't golf, I'd turn TV into a sport. I'd watch it on the front lawn. Bite me!

It's certainly better than being the girl I use to be. I read my life in 2000 last night. Good Read. Every day for 3 months (this is as far as i got so far) I cried over a man. I let them hurt me. Daily. I wanted to be loved so badly! I use to be the sweetest girl, and that was when I swore off being hurt. I was so stupid. I am thankful for a record of the person I use to be. It makes me proud to be who I am, that much more. I still have a lil sweetness in me, I just never had anyone to bring it out.

Brace yourselves.

I made WG his lunch last night. I don't do that crap. But, I honestly love him so much I want to do things for him. You know that stupid song by Destiny's Child? About taking care of a man? I laughed at it til yesterday. I thought, hmmm I guess when you really love someone it makes you happy to make them happy. What a concept!!! This is all new to me! I kept it to myself so long that if WG hurts me, send out a team to take him out. You dont have to kill him. Just lock him up and dont give him TV or video games, or anything to read. That'll learn him!

I also first made the prediction then, that if I ever DID find 'the one' that he would die. I keep telling WG not to tempt fate! We worked together last night for the second time. ahhhhhh. It's so cute! Actually it is like torture cus you have to be on work behavior. When really, I'd like to take advantage of him....

Today's Question:

What is the best thing about your life?

The best thing about my life, is while I am getting to be "older" it really doesnt bother me as much as I thought it would. (wrinkles, gray hair, and sagging still bother me, and I reserve the right to bitch about this forever!!!!!) I have been through all the drama in my 20's and now I hope to leave that all in the past and move forward into a new decade of my life, as the self that I love!


This song is a classic. I heard it on the way to work this morning, while thinking about WG. On a station I rarely listen to in the mornings cus their morning show sucks. (Lite Rock)

I told WG it will be our song, even if he doesn't like it, because its perfect. And, cus it made me cry!!!

*(Tayray I think this is from before you were born! lol lol)

I Wanna Know What Love Is
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
I through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Smells Like Fall!.....

It's Fall!

I woke up to a frosty cold car, fogged up windows. I didn't park her in the garage. I have on a sweater. NO SHOES AND SOCKS THOUGH! I still refuse. I am wearing sandals. I think it'll still be hot soon. That's Ohio weather for ya. Take out the a/c, then its 90 for a month. Even if it's February!

I decorated for Halloweenie last wknd.! I love the holidays. It doesn't matter what one it is. I love Halloween most, because of the fall. I love going to the pumpkin patch, and trudging through the muck and mud to pick pumpkins. I love petting the animals at the petting zoo! I love putting out corn stalks, and hay, and indian corn! I love looking at all my cute black cat things I have gotten each year!

I love that TV changes! All the spooky haunted shows they put on the travel channel, and Sci Fi!!! The scarey movies on TBS, and HBO! The Great Pumpkin will be on!!!! The scarey movies come out in the theaters! (This year, like last, I can't wait to see SAW!!!! coming in Oct....)

Most of all, I love the way fall smells. I love when the leaves change, before they fall off, and they are just beautiful. Every color you can imagine. And the air smells like fall. Sorta like you can just smell the ocean before you get there. Its comforting. I love crunching the leaves when they fall off. I love the way my dog looks, running through leaf piles, getting them stuck to her lil' doggie head, tongue hanging out, trucking along.

Haunted houses? I dunno. I havn't gone in like 4 yrs. My ex was scared of them. Now, I would be scared, about the anticipation of getting the shit scared out of me. He claimed to be 'too tall' for them. But, we all knew he was just a pussy fuck, and that's ok. I might test the waters this year, and see if I'm still afraid. What scares me about them, is I watch too much TV. Read too many freaky books. I'm not really afraid of the kids dressed up like monsters. I'm afraid the kids dressed up ARE monsters!!

Funhouse. Dean Koontz. Excellent book. Ok movie. Ruined haunted houses for me. Once me and Bubba drove like an hour to this hayride in the middle of friggin nowhere. They take you out into the woods, and dump you off to fend for yourself. Now, you tell me what is to keep some psychopath from dressing up like Jason or Freddy, and hacking us all to bits, and thinking it would be funny? You have to find your way back in the deep dark woods! As usual, I was alone so I had to grab hold of Bubba and make her swear not to leave me! Her boyfriend was there to protect her. (much as he could he might've been a pussy fuck too but I dunno.....)

Clownhouse. Good movie. Psychopaths dress up like clowns and terrorize a boy afraid of clowns. You think their clowns, but their psychopaths!!!! It's that safety line thats crossed. It's a rush! I love it!

Know what I don't have to do this fall???? RAKE LEAVES!!! Have fun w/that TWDSO. You have to actually do some work! ASS! Yet another perk of apt. living. So far, I quite like not paying a water bill, raking leaves, cleaning gutters, and anything else that needs to be done. I don't miss it!

Things w/WG are just perfect. He is already doing the paperwork he needs to get done. I am so use to not getting what I want, I really expected something to go wrong, and I would just die. I finally found someone I love spending all my time with, and I don't want anything to happen to it. Funny, WG called me right when I typed that. We had a nice date last night after job 2. He had to work til 11, but I got off about 9. =)
When he came to my house, I actually stopped watching TV. And we talked. How funny is that? Me. I paused the TV and I didn't freak out. I am so in love, I make myself sick!

Today's Question:

Who is the person you most wanted to have an affair with and didn't?

Ok this is easy. I thank Katie for reminding me of this not to long ago, cus I am old, and forget some things. Mike R! My old general mgr. from the bell. I had the hots for him big time. I think I was 16/17 when he trained at our store. I went to work for him when I was 18. I don't think he wore underwear either. I think everyone knew I had the hots for him. People loved to embaress me. He was/is happily married. But, I'm allowed to have whatever thoughts I feel like! So there!

No Stripper!...

I took this pic myself of my tattoo. WG calls it a stripper tattoo. Really, I got it when I was 23 and divorced. I met my psycho ex the night I got this tattoo. But it was really to symbolize the changes in my life! It needs redone since its been 8 years! It was just the face, but probably 4 yrs ago i got the side designs put on it. Loves it! I dont get to see it much.

Monday, September 26, 2005

How I Like Fall TV So Far...

Since I know everyone values my expert opinion on TV, I will give my 2 cents on some new shows I have been able to watch so far. I take no responsibility for ruining anyones TV watching experience. (sis!) Read at your own risk!
Here's what I'm watchin!! (I really watch far more TV than is listed here)

Big Brother 6.
Ok, so after Janelle got kicked off, who really cared if Ivette or Maggie won? Not me. Maggie won, so, what?

Desperate Housewives.
I cannot love a show more, than this one. It has everything. Drama, humor, mystery! What is up with the new family chaining someone in the basement? I laughed my ass off when Bree took off Rex's tie in the coffin. That was some classic TV watching right there! Kinda sucks that the mystery of Mike being Zach's dad is revealed (but, I DID in fact predict this....lets remember my psychic abilities!) Now, there is a bigger mystery.

NEW Oprah!
While the new ones havn't been to thrilling, I'm glad to have her back. I love me some Oprah, she's a real smart lady!

So, I still think their in hell. Something weird is going on! I don't think that they merely happened upon a quarantine chamber. It's the devil. That kid Walter coming back, scared me. I don't scare easily. Is he dead? Who took him? Where are the others? Why on earth did those people go into the hatch, without letting people know they were going into the hatch? Will they be gone all season? Is the polar bear on the island genetically engineered?

I missed this first episode. I only knew this was based on Chris Rock's life, because he was on Oprah. Chris Rock, is freaking hilarious, and I will be checking out his new show this week. Got it Tivo'd already!

Tivo'd this. Not too thrilled about it. I'll give it another episode to get better.

The Biggest Loser.
So far, more drama than last season. While, I personally think it is unfair to pit the men against the women. Men have everything easy. Life, aging, weight loss. Of COURSE they will lose more weight. More importantly, women have more fat genetically and they measure 'fat loss percentage' whatever! SEXIST! I'm still watching it!

Grey's Anatomy.
Love this showwww. I have my sunday nights back. I am kinda mad more didn't happen with Meredith and Derek, and the wife. Men who don't divorce their wives suck. And I can say that with confidence!! I think Christina will have that dumb baby, even though she made an appt for an abortion. I really like the characters on this show a lot.

Extreme Home Makeover.
Hello Ty Pennington. Where have you been all summer???? Nuff said. Sure, it's touching, and fun to watch how they transform these homes and lives of people, but we all know we watch this to drool over Ty!!!

Survivor Guatamala.
So far, so good. Their starving, the men are dropping like flies. My kinda TV!

I was kinda upset the first episode cus she wasnt getting any psychic readings to go on, but it got better as time went on.

Happy TV Watching!

I Got Thrown For a Loop....

Well Monday's come way too fast! Today should be my last stressful work day for about 1 or 2 days. They give you a break in between stress I suppose.

Saturday, was Ahnolde's suprise party. It killed me not being able to flap my jaws about things I know. But, I manage to keep things to myself. It was at the Bier Haus. We got our drinkon! Tayray tried to trick him into thinking they went far away. WG danced w/me to dont know whatcha got til its gone. No one else was dancing til we did, cus we are trendsetters like that.
Even the boys did the hula hoops. You know, alchohol makes you do some crazy stuff.

I called my momma from the bar that night. She said I drink too much. I told Beth, and she said her mom said the same thing about her! LOL!! Hey, I stay sober long enough to work 2 jobs every day, and do good at them! So pffffft!!! I'm not an alchoholic. Or a drunk. I just like to get my drinkon. So what!

So WG will probably be mad at me but its my blog, and this is on my mind. I found out yesterday that he is 'probably' still married...........Probably? How the fuck do you NOT know that?
You see, when you think things are going great, it is just like life to kick you in the head and make you forget that things were great to begin with.

I know, it seems impossible to know, if you are, or are not married anymore. That was my first thought too. I couldn't wait to get divorced. Now, I loved the SOB, but once I was 100% sure he was really divorcing me, I got my happy ass to court early, said I agreed, and was divorced on January 11, 1999. 9 a.m. to be exact. I might've been on some good drugs (courtesy of my mother) but I remember the details.

Now, without getting into all the details of his personal life, I will say this much, I thought his ex wife was remarried. She has kids with someone else, and wears a wedding ring......and, he refers to her as his ex wife. I am at no fault, no one call me an adultress, cus I have been there, and will never be there again.

So, of course, I am upset about it. I have no idea how anyone could let that big of a detail slide by. He said he never cared to look into it, because he never wanted a future w/anyone else. Which is all well and good, but it doesn't change the fact that I am thinking about a future with a married man. He says its just paperwork, cus theyve been apart like 10 yrs or something. But to me, it isn't just paperwork. Their still married in Gods eyes too. I'm not even overtly religious. But it is a sacred thing to me. Marriage to me is more than paper. Even if your feelings fade, or are no longer there.

Of course, I called my momma. She gave me good advice as always. I'm still hurting over it. He was going to leave me yesterday because he thought I wanted him to. (men are sometimes dumb, this we know) I said that would make things worse! I'd think you didn't care about me. For what it is worth, he seems sincerely sorry. I just have a really hard time trusting people so for me to have trusted him already, and have this happen, crushes me. He let me cry yesterday and wipe my snotty tear face on his shirt. LOL. I know it isn't like cheating. I like his ex wife fine, shes nice, the guy she is with is nice, we've hung out. Of course, I'm going to feel really stupid in the future, which he doesn't understand.

I feel like he isn't really mine. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I feel like my feelings are too strong for him and he isnt even available. And, so, I looked him up when we first met, at our county courts website. I do it for everyone I know. To see if you've been convicted of any crimes, civil or criminal. If you are married, or divorced. I thought it was weird he wasn't in there as being divorced, but my first thought was, it must not have been my county. I looked him up at 2 other counties I thought it could've been. Then I thought, ah, must've been another state he lived in, cus he lived in other places. I did try to dig dirt up on him, but I thought I was good to go.

I'm a little down in the dumps. My sister said it is important that his heart is with me, and that is all that really matters. Yes, in the long run, it is all that matters, but I kinda just feel lied to in a way. Omitting the truth is also a lie. So, I'm hurt. I'll get over it. But for today, that's how I feel.

I was dating a guy when I was separated from my husband. Granted, our separation/divorce time was like 3 months long, it flew by, we got it done with a quickness. But, I also told the guy the second I met him that I was married, but separated. I've done it too. I never talked about a future with him, ever really. And, I told him from the get-go. So, while I have dated while being separated, it isn't the same.

Today's Question:

What is the best way to get rid of a dead body?

I think I did this question before? But, acid. Like that crackpot Jeffry Dahmer. Fellow Ohioan! That's how we do shit here! (ok, so that was wrong! sue me!)

Friday, September 23, 2005

So, I'm Codependant....

I am a recovering codependant. However, I think that I might still have issues. This is an oldie but goodie.

You Might Be Cat Codependant If........

...Your desire to acquire another cat intensifies during times of stress.
Check....But if I made More money, I'd have more cats.

...You hesitate admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have.
Check...They just don't get it.

...You sleep in the same position all night because you know it annoys kitty when you move.
Check...But nowadays, they don't move when I move, they fall wherever and sleep.

...You kiss your cat in the lips.
Check. They don't technically have lips, but I kiss 'em on the mouth! Sure I do!

...You feed your cats tid-bits from your fork.
Check. They love anything with milk. Ice cream, sour cream, cheese.

...Your cat sleeps on your head and you like it.
Check. And the problem is???...

...You have bought or considered buying a entertainment video for your cats.
Check. I own the Catsitter DVD. They love it!!!!

...You give your cats stockings or gifts at Christmas..or worse...birthdays.
Check. Um, do you buy YOUR kids gifts at xmas? wtf?????

...You include your cats "signatures" on Christmas cards.
Check. I sign their names in my own writing, I dont act like they wrote it. But they send their good tidings. So what? Everyone with kids does it. Babies cant write or speak either! shut it!

...You put off making the bed until kitty wakes up.
Check. Sorta. I don't disturb them, but I dont make my bed. I get up gently if one is sleeping with me.

...Your cat eats out of crystal stemware because you both saw the same commercial together.
Umm. Ok, so I don't own any crystal...

...You climb out of bed extra slow so that you don't disturb the sleeping cats.
Check, covered above.

...You find yourself performing life threatening acrobatics because kitty is in a tree.
Check. my cats never go out. My first cat did. She got stuck in a tree. We couldn't get her and the fire dept. across the street wouldn't rescue my cat on a leash who could've hung herself. I cried forever. Mom took pictures.

...Let dinner burn because kitty is on your lap and he needs love more than your family needs dinner.
Check. I don't have a family but my cats to cook for mostly, so its all good!

....You carry pictures of you cats in your wallet. (40% do)
Check. And their laminated! With their statistics on the back, name, age, relation.

...You buy more than 50 pounds of litter each month.
Check. 60lbs!

...When someone new comes to the house, you introduce the cats, by name, to them.
Check. Otherwise the cats would get mad at me!

...You have full conversations with kitty and think it's normal. ...Each of your cats gets spoken to in their own individual "special" voice.
Check. Um, it IS normal. I speak to my cats. I tell them everything! Their good listeners.

...You have called your answering machine and left a message for your cat.
Check. I called to talk to them, not leave a msg. And, I havnt done this for years.

...You would rather spend an evening with kitty than go on a date.
Check. I love being at home with the cats. (but dates are nice too...I just dont get out much!)

...You secretly believe your cat understands you.
Check. Only, it isn't a secret. They DO understand me! Duh!

...You have taken your cat to a pet therapist.
No. I havn't. But, if they needed it, I would.

...You have more photos of your cat displayed in your home than humans.
Check. This use to be true until I moved. So maybe its a check minus on this one. (at work I do have more cats than humans)

....You think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter.
Check. My cats, do no wrong. People pick their kids noses, and give them enemas, and this is gross? I think not!

...You watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote.
Check. I've done this before. Now the cats dont move even when I move them. They don't mind my getting things from under them.

...You sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it.
Well, I sleep with enough pillows for all of us.

...The grocery-store checker ask you "How many cats do you have, anyway??"
Check. They actually ask me this at pet smart. When I buy my large items!

...Your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats."
I dunno, Tayray probably calls me that. lol

...You have a web page dedicated to your cats.(Wanna see mine?)(Wanna see my brother's?)
Check. Ok, so I did have one until I exceeded my storage limit for photos, and had to take it down. But everyone knows, I had an extensive site with all my cats likes/dislikes etc...

My cats are the cutest ever. They are bonding with Mystic, my bunny. Fizzgig gave Mystic kissies Monday night. Mystic gave Fizzgig kissies too. How adorable is THAT?????
Theres nothin wrong with loving your damn cats! People they ARE my children!

Long Awaited...

So I'm back from Canada 'A'?
I really missed blogging right?

Im whooped! I single handedly lifted about 10 60lb boxes and moved them about 500 feet. Which is a lot when you merely lift 10lb weights! Hard work those shows are! No one helped me. My arms were Jell-o!

We got to see Mexicantown in Detroit. Nice area. Scared the crap out of us. People bad mouth Cleveland, ummmmmmmmm go to Detroit! Thanks!

I tried new things in Canada! ME! I know, I'm such the adventurer these days! First love, now....salmon! I had a bite. We went to a really nice place and it was good everyone said its normally not that good, so I wont be trying it again either. (I fear most meats) I also had eggplant! It was so good! I missed WG terribly! It wasn't just that I couldn't see him, but my stupid SPRINT phone didn't have service. Not even in roam. But...some Sprint customers did. I think TWDSO screwed with it. Cus, hes a dick! I still talked to my sweetie though, it was short. I couldn't wait to kiss him!!

I got 2 cards in my suitcase while I was away. They were so sweet! One for each night I was gone. When I got home, WG set up a treasure hunt for me. He wrote these poems and they were all different to figure out where to go next. He put a lot of thought into them. It started at the door, went to the toilet, the toaster oven, the dryer, bug zapper, and ended in the freezer. Theeeeeeeeeen he came over and suprised me!!! I looked like crapola. Tayray was over and didn't tell me he was coming. I said when did he do all this? She said I'm not allowed to say!
Oh well, it felt sooooooooo good to be home with him!!

I know I like to be with him all the time, but I dunno about how he feels about living with me. I keep telling him I am not living with someone until I'm engaged. I don't think he likes that anymore. I don't love it, but it's necessary. I'm holding out. There is nothing wrong with wanting that for myself. I'm 29. Just as sure as I am that I will never put up with being cheated on, or abused, (again) I can be sure to hold out on other things I want too. I can see his point, and I hope that he see's mine. I never intended it to mean he has to pop the question so fast, I wouldn't argue, but obviously he isn't ready to do that for bringing it up right? Make sense? Everything remains perfect for me. Just a minor snag. I know what I want, and I didnt mean for it to be a push for him, cus I did that....lasted 2 years, and we got divorced! I'm not pushing anything.

Tayray actually said she envied us yesterday. No one has ever said that about me before. I never had a relationship that I even really liked.......let alone anyone else. Feels good! It's also nice to tell people about us, and hear the jealousy in their voices. Is that rude? Oh, I dunno. I think the people who act that way, suck, but I know how they feel. I was the same way. One day love will bite them in the asses!

Taking my dog to the vet finally today. Her ear is the stinkiest thing in the world, and shes sick. She'll feel better. Probably have to work this wknd, cus when you leave to do work for the company no one still does your work for the company and then you have to give up your free time to the company. Then you start to hate the company. Because, its all about the company, wtf happened to me? Its me! Its ridiculous!!!!!!!!!

I'm swamped. I will try to write more later. Fire tonight, if the weather holds out! I got a bottle of vanilla absolute at the Duty Free. 13 bucks. Loves it! I got Tayray a shot glass for watchin the pets, and WG moose droppings, CANADIAN moose droppings, and chocolate. I told him I got 'us' a shot glass but he didn't see the cuteness in that. I think he was mad I didnt get him his own shot glass? Who knows, men are complicated, and they talk about us right? (that's so Canadian of me...right?)

Ok, so I initially forgot to add the question! I'm on Canadian time.....(yes, I know its the same but it sounded like a good excuse!)

Today's Question:

What is the worst way to abuse your body?

You are what you eat. I did a lot to abuse my body, and ruined myself in a lot of ways in the past.

Monday, September 19, 2005

You Can't Always Get What You Want....

Here is a little story about a girl who usually doesn't get what she wants. I'm leaving tomorrow bright and early for Canada. I will be gone for 3 days and 2 nights. I had planned on you know, stocking up so to speak on the love front, when I was blessed with a magical gift on Sunday.

Translation: I got my GD period yesterday!!!!!!!

Just in time! Wouldn't want to let me have any fun before I go away, oh noooo, send her off all alone for 3 days. Sometimes, I like to say that things suck!

Money sucks too. I have none. I paid all my friggin bills early again to get out of having to pay them out of my check where I'm strapped for cash. I have no $ to take to Canada. Which, could be a good thing. I wont feel obligated to buy anything, and I can scrounge off sales reps for food I guess.

Friday night me and WG went to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Eh. It was ok. I certainly wasn't scared, but nothing really scares me anymore, I've been de-sensetized. The parts they showed of the exorcism were kinda creepy, but not scarey. And, it is mostly a court trial. They don't tell you that in the reviews. We went at the 9:55 showing, so it was late when it was over. Thank God it was sub zero degrees in the theater to keep us up. WG went home afterwards.

I went home, and Tayray was out of town, the people next to her were not home, and the other apt is empty. I was all alone Friday night. Literally. Our back yard is woods. We are up on a hill all alone in the world. Me, being use to being alone, was ok with it. I just turned on the front and back porch lights and slept on the couch w/the tv on. I was good to go!

Yesterday, I went to the Yankee Peddler with Kat. It was loads of fun as usual. We laughed til our stomachs hurt. Good feeling! What wasn't a good feeling, was when I was bent down to look at a painting, and she purposly pushed me over!!!! I fell on my knee! It hurt! Of course, she laughed her friggin butt off, ass! Payback is a Biznatch!

We decided we were going to Ohio Mart in October. TWDSO always took me. Cus his mom was a member of Stan Hewitt or something so we got to go for free. He always made it seem like it was expensive to go. I think its 12 bucks or something. So were going. I said, if we see TWDSO, we are knocking him down!!!! She was all for it! She said she is pretty good at knocking people down. (this I know first hand)

I will not be blogging on my trip. (all together now........) *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
So I will try to make today as interesting as possible. I am also on a tight deadline with work. Which you know, we have to have another meeting about. Meet to talk about being behind and having no time, when we could be working instead of pissing around, but what the hell do I know? I'm not management. I don't have a dick. SHIT! Did I just say that????

Today's Question:

What has changed or affected your life most dramatically?

I am going to say a 'who' vs. a 'what'. First would be my friend (who i havnt talked to in forever) Janet. She was the one who taught me self love. I hated myself. It was her constant reassurance that I was a good person, daily pointing out my good qualities, telling me that any man would be lucky to have me. I never believed it, but hearing it so much helped. Then, my friend Katie who practically forced (I am thankful for it) me to leave Z. Once I was out of that environment, along with reassurance, shaped me into who I am today, and I like me!

Escape Artist....(a bunny post)

I have my own version of Prison Break going on.

It's called 'Bunny Break' though.

Friday I got home and saw something run across my steps..wtf is that I thought.


I clip their doors closed to their condos with Binder Clips. I've had Boo's one year in a week. He has never escaped before, yet, he was out happily hopping all over, as was Mystic! Free reign of my entire apt, up and downstairs!

This is bad, because they could have gotten into anything while I was gone, been electricuted! Eaten by cats (my cats wouldnt eat them, but you never know).
So Saturday, I hear Mystic in there rattling the cage door in the morning. Which, means, feed me. I ignored her for a while, cus it was saturday and I was asleep! When I got up, both my bunnies were out again!! Luckily this time the cats didn't knock over the baby gate to their room, so they were safe.

However, my bunnies are not bonded yet. They still get tempermental with each other from time to time. And, bunny people know, they shouldn't be unsupervised until they are bonded. Yet, there they are, doing Lord knows what while I slept. There were tufts of Boo's fur on the ground. No injuries, I checked. Fur in Mystics mouth. She was obviously the culprit.

I fed the bunnies, put them back in their cages until it was play time. On wknds, I check in on them from time to time, and let one or the other out. I caught Mystic, letting Boo's out of his cage!!!!

So, the little shit, gets herself out of her cage, and hops her little butt to Boo's house, and lets him out to play too, she was pulling on his cage door, until the clip let loose. FREEDOM!!

So, I decided to stay with them and see how they did in their room together, since obviously they know better than me when they are ready to play. It made me really nervous that they went into each others cages, but I had my spray bottle. Boo's thumped at Mystic for coming in his cage, but she kissed him and all was good.

My bunnies are still not fully bonded, but have learned to play nice together in their room, which is a huge step in bunny land. I have let them out 2 more times together in their room, and they didn't fight. No fur flying, or anything. I even let them out and left the room. Progress.

I got some more clips for the cage today, so there will be no more escaping! Mystic, is definately a trouble maker! She also growls at my cats when they eat their own food, and she thumps at them to leave their bowls so she can have some. I caught her once doing it, and took the food away, but she still thumps at them, and thinks it is 'her' food.

Mystic is otherwise, a model bunny. The kind everyone wants. Cuddly, likes to be held, kissed, petted. She will stretch her back legs out and sprawl like a cat when you get to petting her good. She also loves to give kissies. She will jump up on the couch if she wants some love. She shares her condo with the cats when they feel like stopping in at play time too.

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This Cage Is No Match For Me!!!

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Come Let Me Out Mystic!!

Friday, September 16, 2005

The Anatomy of a Slut?!...

Ever block things out? I did.

I blocked out just about an entire year of my life. The time was 1999-2000. I got divorced.

I turned to a page in my journal and was shocked. I had a boyfriend for about 2 yrs off and on, 'Z'. Ass. When I finally broke free of him, we never stopped seeing each other. Not until I met TWDSO. Regardless of who either of us dated, we still 'hung out' and by 'hung out' I mean we slept together.But what I forgot, was that I also cheated on Steve. With three people. So if one were to get technical, I cheated on 3 people.

Steve, was a friend of Bubba's ex. We had really good sex, all. the. time. And I mean all the time, several times a day. Every day. (when he didnt disappear) And man, did it felt really good to be wanted that much! Even if it was just sex, who doesn't want to feel like the person they are with can't get enough of them?! I really don't think I would ever get sick of it. But man....it was good!! And he still took care of business himself at least once a day! lol! I think we had the most compatible sex drive out of any of the men I've dated. He was also my shortest relationship. 8 months.

I was at that point, still talking to the married guy that I had a fling with. And by talking to I mean sleeping with. This was maybe a once or twice a month thing because I no longer worked at the mtg. place.

Around the time my dad died, my ex husband came sniffing around. He pretented to care about me and want to be my friend. He called me telling me how good it was to have sex with me, and how it was never like that with anyone else. (this is pretty good proof that cheating is not about sex entirely, cus he cheated on me, when we did have some good sex. I did more with him than with anyone. ever.) He ended up showing up at my apt. at 3am one night. And by showed up, I mean, I opened my eyes, and he was hovering over my bed!!!!!!!!

M: "holey shit what the fuck are you doing?"
D: "The door was unlocked"
M: "that doesn't mean you should walk right in"

He wouldn't leave, he said he was messed up and wouldn't leave me alone, I ended up having relations but not intercourse with him.

My point is, at that time in my life, I was writing all about these different encounters I had, with 4 very different guys, and I ended one entry with:

"I just want to be loved...."

I think that was the turning point in my life. When I decided to stop feeling. It's really good to keep a journal because your whole life is laid out for you. I was desperately trying to find love, any way I could get it. Because I really thought I knew what I was doing. I had all those guys around so there was always someone in my life.I thought if I didn't let myself have feelings, I wouldn't be hurt. (btw this doesn't seem to work)

One time, Z put a note under my bed stating that he was 'doing' me. Then, called my house one day while I was at work, and left a msg on my answering machine for Steve, telling him to look under my mattress for that note. Mind you, Z had a girlfriend himself.

((So, I went to his house one night when his girlfriend was there, and I told her, and then watched them duke it out on the front lawn in front of his grandma. LOL LOL LOL! Classic!))

While I really enjoyed sex, I also thought of it as a way to feel loved.

Do I still feel this way?

Hard to say. I enjoy sex. I don't need to be in love with someone to have it. I'm like a man that way. I think it means more when you are in love, sure. It's different. I also did this with people I was in a relationship with at some point, so to me, it was 'ok'.
I also think, that when you are in love, you can have all the stages in a sex life....which is best, because even if you are going at it like spider monkeys, you know you still love each other, and it means more in the end. Cus your not a slut!

At first it was in a weird way my payback for being cheated on. Even though, they were in no way related. It gave me a sense of power, which I had never had over a man before. And I liked it!

But having had that experience, taught me something. I know what it feels like to see several people. I know I didn't like it. I didn't trust any of them, because I was deceitful myself. I was hiding from what I wanted the most, which was love. Making it seem like it was my idea to have no love, made it hurt less...I thought.

I'm not that girl anymore! Thank God! I know more about myself. How I tick, and what makes me happy. I only learned that by being on my own for almost a year. Having NO man in my life. (aside from the occasional booty call with my ex, but that's life!) It taught me more than anything else I had ever tried. I had time to figure out what it was I enjoyed doing. Lived my life for myself. Filedl it with things that made me laugh, and not cry.

It ended up being the best year of my life. My friend Beth was single then too, and we went out a lot. Having fun without a man, was the best kind of fun I ever had! When its just you, it doesn't matter where you go or when you get home, or who you talk to. You don't have to consider another person at all. Being alone, which I feared more than anything, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. When you aren't wrapped up in drama, you have time to think. Time to sort out feelings. I decided that what I wanted was love. And, nothing more. I had always known that, but was too afraid of being hurt to admit it. It took a long time to get over feeling lonley. My mom had moved out of state, and I really was...alone. When I decided what I wanted, and admitted it to myself, I found someone.

So, whattya do, when you have good sex, and the feeling that a peice of you is missing when you aren't together? You call it love, and don't lose it! =)

And, maybe I would've called myself a slut back in the day. But I really am not. I know myself, and in the end, my relationship with me, is the most important one. I took the time I needed to build on my character. I am still working on not allowing people who hurt me, to continue hurting me, through me. The past made me who I am. There was a time when I would have told you I hated myself. But, now, I'm the coolest chick I know!!

On another note, I received an email from a guy at OKCupid. He said I showed up in his matches for Tivo fans! (im dying) I'm not on there as looking for love, I came up as a friend match (WG!) anyhoo, he sent me this website for tivo fans. I am so joining....and becoming another public freak about my TV!!!!! He owns 2 tivos. I...am jealous!

Went to the Bier Haus last night with WG. Met Tayray and Ahnolde. There was NO karaoke. But, they DID play Pussy Control by Prince (he was still prince then), and Pussy by Lords of Acid....Tayray and I decided we are singing Pussy next karaoke night. It's gonna be classic. Of course, that was crunk Tayray that agreed to it. Real Tayray might forget. LOL. I'm cat-sitting Bullwinkle (Tayray and Ahnolde's cat) this wknd. He loves me when they aren't home, he's my best friend!

When I got to work and sat at my desk, I thought...

"Isn't my pocket normally on my left boob??"

Yea, my shirt was inside out. Maybe I'm still floating on a cloud from (fantastic) sex last night....maybe I woke up late....Maybe its cus I had 3 beers and a shot on a work night....
maybe its all of the above!

Tonight, I'm for real going to the movies w/WG. Our first movie! *ahhhhhhhhhhh* I know, firsts are so fun!! And it's also the thing you dread most about a new person in your life. Getting to know them. I love getting to know my man! He keeps me interested!

And....HES COMING BACK TO WORK MONDAY!!!!! Which reminds me, I got my 'stats' from work that tells how much money I made, how much work I did. I got a 94% productivity. That means, I was actually keying, not just at my desk 94% of the time. Mind you, not long ago I got a warning cus I got down to 70%!! I think that is the minimum you can get before you get in trouble. 94%!!!!! Classic! I am a stellar employee! I averaged 12.70 an hour. I also had a $24 hour last night. ONE HOUR! It's gonna be so hard to quit that job!!!!!

Today's Question:

What do you have the worst reputation for? And the best?

Worst, being on time. Whether its to work, or to meet friends, I'm always at least 5 min late. I'm not as bad as some people I hang out with that I wont name. The best? I am usually the one people come to for advice. My screw up's are other's warnings. lol!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Too Smart For My Own Good....

I am just too smart. You have got to wake up pretty early in the morning, to pull the wool over my eyes!

WG said he has a suprise for my bday. Something he said will make me not think about turning 30. Something he said, that if I was asked if I'd rather have that, or a trip to Australia, I'd pick my gift from him. I want to state for anyone to see, that I think I guessed what it is, because, lets remember, I am a bit psychic. I want proof that I guessed it, if it comes true. This is after running through a bazillion scenerios as it is!

My own mother knows, and will not spill the beans. I never asked her to, but I made some guesses and she told me, if she told me that would defeat the purpose of a suprise. What do moms know anyways? Really?

What could it be? What do I love? What would make me not think about being 30, and it's better than a trip to Australia? There can only be one thing. One thing that I love in life....that I do not have, and would knock my socks off. Well, theres Edwin McCain!!!!

So, believe it or not, WG sparked my thought process. He told me Gwen Stefani is coming to concert (barf). Concert????? So, that made me think....I havn't checked my Edwin's concert schedule in a while, and he normally comes up here around Dec-March. So I go to Edwin.com, and they only have up until 12/8 scheduled.

So I started to send WG an email saying, omg I bet he comes here for my bday, cus he is in NC so he's close! OMG Edwin, will sing to me. ON MY BDAY!!! I am always so jealous when he does that! (sings happy bday to folks in the crowd) Theeeeeeen I jokingly was going to say is that my present?

Brilliant! WG is going to have a cow that I am so smart! Here are some guidelines with having Edwin sing to me:

Video tape it. Let's not forget, when I met Edwin, that I was a blubbering idiot, and ran around screaming after he touched me. I don't want a repeat of this.

We are cool, cus, you know, we DID meet. So, if you want him to come, simply ring him up, say I was the girl who's ass he was checking out, 2 summers ago, and I have the picture to prove it. (he really wasn't but it's good to have dreams)

Tell Edwin, that I'm not a stalker. While I might be a 'fanatic' I am not psycho. I know he means me, when he refers to his wife, so I don't have to make up scenerios in my head for petes sake, its our code word.

Songs I'd like to hear from Edwin to me? Well, there are far too many to pick from. I love them all. Prayer to St. Peter is a favorite, because its touching. I'd like him to sing me 'my mystery' cus its sexual. lol lol. But, really it wouldn't matter what he sang, because I would be sucked in by his tractor beams!!!!

Good one WG!! I give you props for this ingenius idea!!

*(if this is not my present, don't squash my dreams...I'm allowed to have dreams)

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Foursomes Are Best....

I'd like to welcome my friend Kat, to the world of having 4 cats. She soon will be acquiring a fourth bundle of furry sweetness!! Congrats! Four is a nice number!

The cats can gang up and have tag team wrestling, two on two....

Four also makes a nice pile of cats, when they all lie together. Four is an even number. Everyone has a cuddle partner, with four!

Four is not crazy. Forty might be. But not Four.

You can still feed, house, and medicate four cats easier than you can four kids.
People will still visit you when you have four cats...four kids....eeeeeeeeeehhhhh.... I think I might be allergic!

I think foursomes are best!

The funny for today is this.
Yesterday, I hid in the closet between the 2 bathroom doors in the woman's room at work, while Tayray peacefully peed. I kept laughing, I thought, she'd hear me. When she came out to leave...

I jumped out, raaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!

She jumped.

We laughed forever. Good times, good times!!!

I havn't felt the best the past couple of days. I had the craps. And nausea. It is some strain of the germ warfare spreading through schools right now. Started with a kid in WG's family....as flu-like and sore throat I believe. It's like an epidemic going around. By the time I got it, I was blessed with only the craps, and nausea. I guess I'll take that cus today I just have a rumbly in my tumbly! Pooping makes you tired. I don't know if you have ever noticed that? Or, maybe pooping just makes ME tired.

I didn't win the money for the weight loss challenge this month. *ahhhhhhhhhhhh* I know, I know, everyone feels bad for me, but you shouldn't. I really felt like letting someone else win. They all wanted to give up so I had to throw them a bone. (don't believe it, i lost cus i was lazy)

I'm back on track though. Next month, that money is mine bitches!! (I mean this in the nicest way possible....)

I'm leaving the country next week. Canada. Allllllll the way across the border eh! The great white North! While most don't consider it actually leaving the country, it really is. Anytime I can't readily use my cell phone w/o it costing me 2 bucks a minute, is leaving the country.

The fun things about my trip are:

1. It is a business trip, so I don't have to drive, or foot the bill
2. It is in Leamington, Ontario, and the perfect time for the monarch butterfly migration. (I'll take some pictures this year on my new camera!)
3. Our facility in Canada is near the Heinz Ketchup factory. Watching the tomatos, is more
fun than you might realize, til you've been there!

The downside? I am currency dumb. I hate having to pay for anything cus I feel like such a retard, and then filling out an expense report is even harder. Ummmm math?

I had an excellent evening. We stayed up all stinking night though. Talking. It's nice to talk to someone. I told WG that I am difficult. At first he said I wasnt. Then, he said he could see where people would think I'm difficult, but he doesn't think that I am. LOL. MMMM. OK. At least he put it nicely. And, I know that I am. I have issues with control. I have to have control over certain aspects of MY life. Which, considering the person I once was...is pretty damn good! I no longer control people, the way I use to. Or, struggle to I should say! So, one thing I can't change is the food that I have in my house. He already brings things in that I don't like having there, but I've been sorta ok with it. Hopefully itll all pan out, cus thats my health at risk, not just by having bad things, but triggering old habits. I already struggle every day, not having things in my house is my only safe haven!!!

I am trying to revel in my singleness while I can. I know, it'll all end one day. While it will be for something happy, it'll also be sad. I just want to be loved. I really thought I was done with it all.

Today's Question:

What is the hardest thing about love?

Giving up part of yourself to become part of a couple. To me, it is necessary, but difficult. I tried my whole life to gain independance. Giving it up scares me.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Know Not What I Do...

Great Eminem Song....

Father please forgive me for I know not what I do
I just never had the chance to ever meet you
Therefore I did not know that I would grow to be
My mother's evil seed and do these evil deeds.....

So, I did a few mean spirited things in my life. So what? Most of them, never harmed anyone. I couldn't figure the best way to format my evil deeds, so I'm numbering them. I'm sure I'll be sorry I did that in the end. Mind you 96% of these were in high school, or my first real job which was like high school!!!

1. Ate string cheese and root beers with my friend Jen in the IGA parking lot until we had to poop. Pooped in a cup, and stuck turds under unsuspecting shoppers door handles. Parked, and watched them come out, touch the poop, and smell their hands.

2. Threw cups of pop in peoples cars where the windows were rolled down.

3. Let the air out of my ex husbands tires in school a few times.

4. Told the principal that my ex husband and his friends smoked pot before school in the parking lot. And lied to him about being the one who told on him. (whoopsie)

5. Picked on a girl named Gidget (yes that is her real name) she was in the band with us. We knocked her books out of her hands, yanked her backpack, tripped her. We were not nice.

6. Flicked puke into Angie Scalzo's hair in band one day.

7. Threw all my ex husbands clothes outside and soaked them so they would freeze in the winter time. (he deserved it)

8. Found my exes drugs, set them on fire, and woke him up to watch them go up in flames. Shouldn't have lied to me. Bastard.

9. Set up an ex with my friend cus he dumped me for her. Got him to think she was someone else, and met at Peppie's (where all good things happened) then made fun of him for falling for it and left.

10. The dessenex on my ex husbands butt...classic!

11. Might have egged a few people in my day.

12. TP'ing. We actually Tp'd our friend Jen once, and never told her it was us. Cus, she didn't come over that night! That's what she got!

13. Use to prank exes friend 'buddy' all the time. Buddy ol pal ol friend o mine. (he star 69'd me once, i said 'dont answer it' then, my machine came on...classic!)

14. Put an eyeglass screw and cigarette ashes in a coworkers minestrone soup. She ate it all. LOL!

15. Put my shoes in coworkers cubicles. If you smelled my feet, you'd know this was an evil deed!

16. Threw away loan applications if they were messy from a previous job. Hey, they'd be better off going to another bank anyhow!!

17. Moved my ex husbands car from the bar he was at, to another parking lot. Made him think the car was stolen.

18. Tp'd ex husbands car with chicken wings and tp while he was at the bar.

19. Broke into ex husbands car when we were split up and put holes in his condoms, and broke his cologne bottle. He caught me in his car. His dumb girlfriend ended up pregnant. (that he cheated on me with people!) I like to think I had a little part in that. They are no longer together. Muh ah ah ah ah! (guess what? he was at the bar!)

20. Sang a specially written song for an overweight girl in high school every day at lunch. We had it down pat on a piano and everything. Her last name was Moomaw. It was perfect. I actually really felt bad about that.

21. Stuck a used pad to my ex husbands forehead cus he wouldn't wake up from his drug induced stupor. That woke his ass up!!!

22. Knowingly fed rotten chicken to my ex husband. Cus he deserved it. He got the massive shits and i secretly laughed my ass off!!

23. Harassed a coworker through interoffice mail. (I'll deny this to my grave.. I dunno what you mean!)

24. Stole big butt becca's yearbook my sophomore year, after she had it already signed from her friends, covered it up with paper, and used it as my own yearbook. She cried over it. I couldn't afford one of my own. She thought she knew I did it. Prove it!

25. Stole a girl's cabbage patch kid out of the lost and found. Said it was mine. Her brother somehow found out it was me, and told on me. He harassed me on the school bus and I had to give it back.

26. Stole my friend in 2nd grades eyeglasses....why??? cus I wanted to wear glasses dammit!!!

27. Ruined countless customers food at Taco Bell. Be nice to those people!

28. Trying to ruin the juniors lives as seniors. (Bubba included) By blaming everything we did on them.

29. I dated a boy because he use to drive me to school, and buy me cigarettes. Poor Phillip. I didn't like him at all.

30. Put tuna fish in a coworkers cubicle ends. She deserved it. She is the one who told us we would have life figured out at 25. Shes a lying biznatch. We had a feeling she was a liar.

31. Fed alum to a friend saying it was candy (Note: alum is a pickeling spice and looks like crystals. My own sister fed this to me she taught me to be evil i think. It pickles your tongue! Its disgusting!)

32. Convinced a friend the seed pods on a daylily were edible. She got it to her mouth but someone told her not to eat it. Would've been classic!

33. Told the world on the radio that my boyfriend was a cheater. (lots of people do this so it shouldn't be considered evil!)

34. Stole a star wars statue from an ex.....smart girl that one is. Knows where it hurts she does!

35. I use to be so insecure I didn't want my husband to have friends. I would routinely pack his crap up in trash bags when he wouldn't come home, drive to his friends house, open the door and kick his crap into their driveway. I was a little psychotic! He always came home though. I had it like that......(til he left me lol)

36. Put food in a guy who lived w/me and my ex husbands crap that he left at our house, thinking when he came to get it, it would be stank. Instead, it got maggoty, and he never came back for the stuff.

37. Don't bother to stand on the seat, Amanda S****** crabs can jump 10 feet. (harassed this bitch for a long time but she stole my man! deserved it!)

38. Kissed an ex boyfriends friend, while he was at the store. Actually, he kissed me, but I didn't stop him. He also was 'seeing' a friend of mine.

39. (i wasnt the only one) Threw random objects in the tuba's in band. They had to send them out for 'service' a lot! ah ha ha ha hah ah a!

40. Used the *ahem* 'restroom' in the band closet sink, which didn't work. This is mean, cus people had to smell it all thru band season. lol lol!

41. Used the *ahem* 'restroom' in the football players closet at school. (they didn't let us back in to pee after football games, so thats what they get they were meatheads anyhow they deserved it w/o the band, their stupid games sucked!)

42. Used the *ahem* 'restroom' in the taco bell drive thru (so this one was more recent when you drink you cant hold it in man you just cant!) What makes this bad is that people in the long line were forced to look at my stark white ass!!!! Sorry folks!

43. smashed an egg in bubbas back of her car under the seat. It was while egging the Fahey. But it sure did stink! lol!

44. Asked a now ex friend to be in my wedding. She had to have her dress specially done cus she was bigger. She pissed me off and about a month before my wedding I forbid her to be in it. After, she spent 235 on a dress!!! We worked together, and things got ugly!

45. And the last and final evil deed for the day, was shared by an old friend of mine. We use to be nice to this old guy (prob in his 40s but we were in high school) in a wheel chair who use to frequent the plaza near my house. We were only nice to him so he'd buy us cigarettes (notice a pattern, that you can make men do things for you by using your womanhood.....I do not advocate this!) I should say, we flirted with the guy a lot. I sincerely believe he thought he was gonna have his wheelchair way with both of us. When he offered to drive us home (i literally lived next door) and wouldn't let it drop we stopped looking for him in the parking lot!

Well, they say karma is a bitch right? I think I'm paid up through 2010 at LEAST!
I will need to do a second installment, because I am full of mean-ness, but being that I am old now, I cannot properly recall all the things I have done. I feel this has been therapudic. I think I will be relieved of any guilt because of it.

And, who can blame me, seeing how I was born and raised, and still reside in Ohio. Which is quite literally the serial killer capital of the world. (Watch Forensic files on A&E!!) I mean, look how we raise our children! You hear that shit all the time around here!

For the record, today would have been my 9 year wedding anniversary. Too bad it only lasted 2 years. LOL! (never thought I'd be laughing about it, I give hope to all in the world!!!! 'cept that I still think about him from time to time)

Today's Question:

What is the best quality you inherited from a parent?

I got my work ethic from my dad, and my sense of humor from my momma. Both are important qualities in me, and in others.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Three Little Bears....

The Three Little Bears...

Brought to you by the year 1990. This just occurred to me last week and it's funny the things that you forget!

I was talking to Bubba about this group of people I use to hang out with, Joshie bear and Jami. (with an "I"). I was friends with them, through my ex husband. She asked how I started hanging out with them, cus they are really easy to make fun of and we bring them up from time to time. I said, I didn't really remember.

Josh moved to my school my sophomore year. He sat behind me in English class. I thought he was hot. And, he was friendly, so we talked in class. I wrote in my journal once, that he played with my hair. I was gay ok? So what! So, one time during a tornado drill, in English, we made our way downstairs, and lined up in the hallway like we are suppose to do. I was with my friend's Kat, and Jen (who I miss and havnt seen in 11 yrs!)
When they made us turn around, before we got down, and covered our heads with our faces in each others butt's (what a way to die btw if you DID encounter a tornado) I grabbed Josh's butt. He didn't know it was me, because he instantly turned around, and yelled at this boy, who was somewhat slow. He was in special ed.

J: "hey man, why'd you grab my butt, fag?"
(pushing the poor boy)
Slow Boy: "I didn't"
(pushed him back)
J: "bullshit"
(pushes him again)

By this point, the 'officials' had stepped in. I am dying on the inside to laugh, because it was me who did it. Kat and Jen didn't make it easier not to laugh! It was classic!!!!
And here they are fighting and getting into trouble over it...all because he thought the guy was a 'fag' and grabbed his butt!

Josh, got in school suspension for that. Because I grabbed his butt.

I never told him, until years later. Then, he thought it was funny. Because we were all friends. He use to go to school w/my ex husband and we all ended up at the vocational school together and I believe that is how we became friends.

They are annoying in such ways as, Jami called him her 'muscle bear'. His family all had names that revolved around bears. Brain bear, Mom bear.....totally gay, right? She always used this baby voice when she talked to or about him. And he did the same to her.

They 'meowed' for each other.
yes, I said 'meowed'

It was their secret gay relationship code for

"Where are you muscle bear?"
"Right here, bear"

They got married in like 1998. Their wedding theme? Bears! They had a cake with all these steps on it, and on each step, was some gay ass bears!!!!

We wasted all their pictures on the cameras they provided on things like, the fruit tree, peices of fruit off the tree. Our underwear, our boobs. You name it. I think Bubba made a bigger waste of the film than me, but I had a part in it!

We use to be inseperable. Spent all our free time together as a foursome. I got to be pretty close to Jami with an "I". When my ex husband left me, I never heard from either of them again. Never even an "are you ok?" nothing! Cut off!

That's when you find out who your true friends are. My real friends stuck by me and are still my friends!

That's why I like to make fun of the bears! Because they turned out to not be true friends. And, that's what you get when your a big fat fake person! Made fun of!

I saw these dick's at my high school reunion last summer (I'm old) and I totally ignored them. I hear from time to time about them, my friend Kat has a mutual friend with them.

I heard one year, at halloween, they dressed up as Little Bo Peep...and a Sheep.
Jami rode Joshie bear around since he was a sheep.
That is some stupid freakin' shit right there!!!!

Another classic moment I have on video was my 21st bday. Josh hit Jami in the head with my dog (lil bill was not hurt in the process, shes my baby!) and knocked her head into the wood on my couch. LOL! Classic!

Bubba, dated brain bear for a while. That is Josh's brother. He liked to only order 1 meal and share it when they went out, and drove w/his tailgate down to save on gas. Thank GOD that didn't work out! ha ha ha!

We put a lighter in their fire pit once. Hoping it would explode. We sat in anticipation all night waiting for it to happen, only me and Bubba knew. It never happened. It would've been funny.

Today's Question:

What is the single nastiest thing you have ever done to someone?

Good Lord, I think this is like a testament to my being a horrible person. I should have an entire post about the nasty things I have done to people, and I think I might.
For this one, I will say...
Putting dessenex on my ex husbands sore butt, because I laughed my ass off when he was in pain from the burning! (was spose to use BABY powder....)

Monday, September 12, 2005

Back So Soon?...

My wknd. seems like I didn't have a wknd! Time sure flies!
I had a nice dream last night. About work. I turned in all the text for the catalog I'm working on, with the corrections in tact, no changes made all the stuff was unfinished. So, 16,000 catalogs were printed, with edits in all the copy. I didn't want to leave the house. This whole thing is too rushed to get done, and I don't particularly enjoy dreaming about work. I couldn't stop crying in my dream, I felt like the biggest asshole!!! There was 2 things wrong with the last catalog I did, both weren't major, just like something wasn't bold that should've been. I also had about 3 months to work on that catalog, and this is going to be ALMOST a month!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, I know!

Friday I ended up going home and seeing WG. Which isn't a bad thing. But, I really do miss going out with the girls. Thing is, my main girl can't go out cus of work! But I still miss it! Much as I love the man....it's just not the same!
I'm going out w/kat on Sunday, which will be loads of fun! We always have a ton of laughs and act stupid together. We are going on our annual trip to the Yankee Peddler. As usual, I havn't saved up much money to go, so there will be things I absolutely want and can't have. And it's the best place for xmas shopping!

Saturday, I slept until 1pm. That's the thing about being a single, childless woman. FREEDOM! I love it! If I feel like sleeping all damn day cus I work all the damn time, then by all means, I think I will! It did throw off my routine and I didn't get my cleaning done. Cus that is the only time I have to do everything in life, is wknds. We bowled sat night. I got on a league w/WG and his brother and wife. Let's just say I sucked pretty bad! I use to have my own ball but for some reason TWDSO wont come up off it and claims not to have it when it's in his fucking trunk. Asshole! So I have to bowl with shit balls which make me do worse than usual! I got a 68 and a 73 and I don't know my third game. Oh well. You'll have that!

Me and WG had a fire that night. And talked. I even got lucky if you can believe it! =)
Tayray came home later and snuck out (shhhh don't tell Ahnolde) when the man was in bed, for a beer. I stayed up til 3am talking to my brother, and my momma.

Slept til 1 on Sunday too, dammit! I did get my cleaning done though. And WG came to clean my carpets after doing them all day at work. Unfortunatley, it was only the real carpets. But, they do look nice if its any consellation!
My bunny, boo's had the craps all over the spare bedroom floor. Not to mention my dog peed 100 times in my living room. So now its all clean! And, the dog gets locked up all day so she doesn't ruin it anymore! It looks so nice! WG looked pretty cute doing it too. I can imagine what the women must think when he is at their houses. mmmmhmmmmm. Fantasies! I know women! ha ha ha!

WG asked me to help him with his finances. This is good, cus it bothers me that he isn't good with money. I'm not great. But, I have nice things, and my bills are paid, and I'm not starving, and neither are my SEVEN furkids!! I guess I do deserve some props for that. I just hope that I can help him. I told him he has to want to do it for himself. Cus, you can lead a horse to water......you know! And, while I do a good job with my own finances, I'm not where I'd like to be yet either. I told him I'll do it as long as it doesn't stress me out.

I made poor man's dinner, potato soup. I got a friggin' blister on my hand from cutting potatos. Where's the love for me on that? Being housewomanly, is hard shit to do! I don't much like it! I even took the time after WG passed out on me to get him a uniform and clean the cat hair off it, fold it up nice w/socks and underwear for today, and he didn't even wear it. Don't think I'll be staying up til midnight for that shit anymore! MEN!

And while it might sound like it, no we have not moved in together. Not gonna happen! For, a long while I think. Not that I don't think I would love being w/him all the time. But, we know the answer to that.

Today's Question:

Who was the least attractive person you were attracted to?

This is pretty easy, TWDSO was the least attractive person I dated. But, I was never really attracted to him, that was mostly the problem with us. So, maybe he isn't unattractive at all, it's just that I wasn't attracted to him?? Either way! TWDSO is my answer!

Bunny! Named!...

Well, it only took me a month. I use bath time to talk to my bunny and think of her name. I'm sometimes gay, but thats...OK!

Chelsea is now known as Mystic. I kept thinking what does she look like? Well she reminds me ofthe Mystics from the dark crystal. I have the poster at home, and my cats named after a character too...Fizzgig.

Plus Mystic is kinda a cool name cus it's sorta metaphysical.

Meet the Mystics:

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Meet Mystic:

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Friday, September 09, 2005

Man! I Feel Like a Woman!...

Let's take inventory shall we?....

Yea, I got one of those
Yea, pants are tight, I'm feelin' it
Weight Gain....
Yea, I gained some weight this week
Uncontrollable urges to eat everything I shouldnt....
mmm hmmm, yes, I have that too
Sore breasts...
Bitchy attitude? ....
Want the cock....

Yea, I am definately a woman about to have her monthly visitor, thats for damn sure! I think the sick part of it all is, given the list of crap I have going on, it's a cruel joke. I feel fat, gross, achy, sore, yet, want to do nothing but have sex? How is this good? You tend to like to feel good about yourself when you have sex. But the upside is I am feeling in better spirits. Soon the evil will be out of me! For 28 days.

Last night WG got me roses....just cus he loves me. Which is the best kind to get!! I really love them, and I think it was very thoughtful. We went to the Bier Haus for karaoke. I didn't sing again. I am waiting to bless him with my vocal stylings.....I might intimidate him and make him not wanna sing again. Cus, I am THAT good! lol! I got to pick him a song so I picked 'Who's that man' by Toby Keith. I USE to like country. But I'm not liking anything new! So, that's acceptable. Fun times as always. I enjoyed going out with him. As always.

Nice that I woke up at 7:31, and have to be to work at 7:45. And, Not allowed to be late cus I have to check in. Nice! Happy Friday! Literally just came to work. Did brush teeth. Half assed. Might go to the movies tonight with Bubba. She asked and I heard nothing else about it. If I dont hear from her, I'm gonna go see The Brothers Grimm. Only cus its the only other late movie. I wanna see Red Eye. Bubba wants to see Exorcism of Emily Rose. I dont think she's seen 'the exorcist' so she doesnt know itll probably be the same, movie.

So, keeping in theme of my slowly approaching bday, I'm including "What I know for sure"

They say you truely come into yourself as you age. So far, I'd agree. Also, when you are young, you think you know it all. I remember when I got engaged....(at 2am and I believe he was drunk) and I called my mom, she didn't seem too happy for me. She knew better. I didn't. I thought, OMG, I'm 19. Who will want me now? I actually thought I was old. I also thought I was fat, and I never was back then. I also had the foolish idea, that the things I didn't like about him, would change. If he wants to marry me....he will do anything for me.

Yeaaaaaaaaa. Silly girl!!

So, one thing I have learned out of all I've gone through, is that people don't change. If they want to change themselves for the better, bonus. But don't ever think they will change for you, or that you can change them. Or that they will even change at all. Stop thinking it, it won't happen! If you don't love a person for who they are 100% then forget it. I'm not wasting my time anymore like that.

I got married for the wrong reasons. I thought it was the natural next step in the relationship. I've always been obsessed with age. Getting old scares me. (duh) But, I would've made the same mistake with TWDSO if he wanted to marry me. I even gave him the power at break up....either you want to marry me or im out. Huh? I would leave you, but not if you wanted to marry me?

Sometimes you don't realize how dumb you sound until you step back and listen.....The only reason I wanted that was, because of my age, again. I was getting to 'that point'. We were also together for 4 years, and if you don't know after that long, the answer is most definately a NO!
It wasn't until I decided that I didn't 'need' that to feel good about myself, that I think I may have actually found the one for me. Right when I wasn't expecting it.

Last year, when I found out he may be re-married...I thought I would die all over again. I cried for days. TWDSO had never known a love like that, he didn't understand my feelings. I didn't either. But now, I think I wasn't jealous so much that he married someone else. But, that I wasn't happy and he was. When my dad died, he came around again. We were FWB for about a week or two. I blame grief. I definatly shouldn't have let him back into my life, but you'll have that. He felt familiar. He knew my dad. He knew my family. And the fact that he came after us being divorced made me feel good that he still cared about me.

So..Pushing 30, what I know for sure is:

I know happiness now.
I know how to not hurt every day.
I know how to not search for love, but let it find me.
I know how to be giving
I know what I want for myself & my future
I know that I am happy doing the work that I do
I know that someone will love me and my animals, and I do not have to sacrifice one for the other.
I know that people don't change.
I know that Neutrogena makes kick ass anti-aging stuff
I know you should drink TONS of water to keep your body and skin healthy
I know how to love. I do.

So, I'm trying to be thankful for my age. I am lucky to still be around. I still have 2 siblings, and my Momma. I have the best friends, and the perfect man for me. If turning 30 is the price to pay for all that, I think I'll take it!

Today's Question:

What is the most cash youve had in your hands at one time?

$2,000. I saved forever -my Taco Bell Earnings, to buy a 1986 Dodge Omni. Silver. It was 1992 but my car was pimpin! Got me to SC and back!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I'm It!...

I got this from Rachel's Blog.

Ask me 3 questions. Any 3, no matter how personal, private or random.I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn, you post this message in your own blog or journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.

Game on! Game on!

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The Update....

So, I know the suspense is killing you, what did I do last night? Parked! lol! I had a blast!
WG had to work at night so we didn't spend the night together. He called me and asked me to stop by his work on my way home from work, and of course I did! We left in his car...to an un-named location! I havn't been in the car like that since who knows when. I know it was w/my ex husband, so it has to have been high school! And then, I never did what we did in the car. Some things are better left unsaid!

He said the guys at work all knew what he did. lol. Screw it! Their just jealous. I know I'd have been jealous if it werent me. Well, I'd actually be in jail for killing some bitch, but you know what I meant!

Of course, it did suck balls not seeing him last night. And waking up w/o him. But, I didnt however, have the uncontrollable urge to call off work, and hide under the blankies with my sweet pea either! Which, I think about a lot!!!! I wish I wasn't so afraid to let him move in with me. I want him with me always!! ME? ME! But, I promised to never break promises to myself. So, I won't! If I can't trust me, who the hell can I trust?

I love being alone. I love being alone.

I thought I did!

Anyone watching Prison Break on Fox? First things first, the 2 brothers on that show are freaking HOT. And by hot I mean, simply smoking! Check them out! Dominic Purcell plays Lincoln. He's been in other stuff, but in Prison Break, he is bald, buff, and freaking manly mkay? Imagine running into HIM in the outback! Sign me up!
And Wenworth Miller plays Michael. Look them up online for hot photos man, this show better last or they'll have crazy lady on their hands. I'm sure I am not the only gal who thinks this, at least ones who are not BLIND! I'm sure Ent. Weekly will do stories on them soon. They might make it into super stardom alongside Orlando Bloom!

The show is awesome too, it has me hooked. And, while I love the TV not all shows rock to me, just the good ones!

My update on Labor Day wknd? I watched too much TV! I partied hard on Friday night at the Bier Haus of course. WG left me early so I didn't get lucky. I think this set my tail spin of sex on the brain for the wknd. Can. Not. Skip. Days. Especially. When. Drunk. Bad. For. Mon.
Beth and her husband came, and So did Bubba and her man. I know, I know, amazing, the whole gang was out! Ahnolde toasted to spider monkies. It was a classic move, because Beth's husband quickly said 'these guys dont know about spider monkies, I'll tell you later' I believe he never told Ahnolde the truth about it either. (did he?) Dammit.

Saturday we party hardied with Dusty and Rich. We played uechre and didn't fight. I'm still waiting on that to happen. Cus, were too much alike. I almost had to take advantage of him in his sleep cus he threatened me to go to bed without giving up the goods man, WTF?? I think that I might have to make up some rules for this shit, like, maybe, before going out??? I dunno! LOL! Some things just can't be overlooked! I am this way normally, don't give me alchohol, and not expect it to sky rocket to being much worse! (although I don't see it as a bad thing!)

I watched 15+ hours of Paradise Hotel. Fox reality replayed them in a marathon. Oh, I had forgotten how much I loved that show. WG didn't like it. Then, wanted to watch more and more episodes of said show he didn't like. It's ok to admit your girlfriend has good taste in TV. And men. Those are 2 things never to be ashamed of!

And WG said he has something planned for me for my bday that will make me forget about turning 30. Well I dunno what could do that, unless he is whisking me off to Australia. But even there, I would see people younger than me and be depressed. Plus then, he said it'll be BETTER than Australia! He has some big living up to do...better than Australia?! Hmf!! I can only think of one thing but I am not jinxing myself so I put it out my mind!!
I'm getting a cabin in the woods. And hibernating. I am taking time off work, and crying, and hiding, and crying. And, drinking, but that's a given!!!!!

Today's Question:

What is the weakest excuse you have ever used?

I don't FEEL good!
When, I'm normally very healthy. I don't get sick that often.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

G'day Mate!....

I composed this after me and my ex broke up. As my post card to send from the Australia. They have their own slang that I found interesting, so I used it.

(meaning will be in parenthesis)

G'day! (hello) I bet you miss my mappa tassie (womens pubic area). I bet that made you crack a fat (get an erection). Its always a rage (party) here in Oz (australia). Ive gotten stonkered (drunk) on the tirps (alchohol) every night. Ive made lots of new cobber's (friends). We shot off (went to happening places) every night.
There is plenty of spunk's (good looking persons) here for me to crack onto (hit on). I will use a franger (condom) to cover the doodle (penis).

Some day youll realize that you have come a guster (made a bad mistake) letting me go.
maybe youll cark it (die) when you get this. have fun with your daggy (nerdy) life.
Holey Dooley (my goodness) look at the time, I gotta go have a naughty!! (have sex) Im a hot sheilah (woman) over here! Sorry you had to be such a Whacker wacka (dickhead).

P.S. Your a lousy lay!

P-is for Plagiarize.....

I'm cleaning out my closets. So to speak. And came across an email from a month before TWDSO and me broke up. Let's be nosey, shall we?

We hadn't talked for something like 2 weeks. 2/10/05 (we broke up officially 3/18/05)

talking anytime soon is not really going to happen (plus I really do not like sharing my personal thoughts on email, because you forward them off to your friends) and we will be to tired to talk, so here we go.

(I loved that tidbit! I'll put it in my blog instead!)

You would tell everyone including my parents that “well we don’t talk because I am always at work”. 2 simple things…I love my job and like to work hard, always have always will. I control everything that goes on in this store including the success of my store…….second thing……I care what your family and friends think about me. When you blame everything on me I feel rather stupid and out of the loop, because I know that the only thing they know about me is what you tell them, and recently I am sure it has not been anything great (last 2 ½ months) I do not tell personal things about our relationship very much so when people see you, they don’t know anything (bad or good). Although I can’t remember when I have had something bad or something to complain about, other than your animals.

I loved that part, because he claims to have nothing to complain about with me, then a month later tells me things have been bad for 2 years. Ok..... And, he was a phone store mgr. Doesn't he sound so self-important?

Do I need to talk more to you and not let these things explode to you? Yes! However you are not open to things I say, you have a tendency to get defensive and mad and we don’t have a conversation, its just me talking and you getting mad at me. I understand these issues in your past, but it can no longer matter! You have to let me be with you and love you, unless you no longer love me.

I still love you, but I cannot continue to feel like this. I have to change, just let me know, but you have to change as well. This second job is great for you to get your feet back underneath you, I just asked that you rate me higher on your priorities. You work 13 hours a day, I respect your need to play with your animals when you get home and relax, but on Saturday and Sunday it would be nice to feel loved, included, talked to.

Yea, it would be nice to feel loved and talked to...wouldn't it?

I guess I was bad with communication on that I wanted you to be with me for the rest of my life, I just did it with actions, but again there is that communication word again. We have one common friend and I am sure that we will run into each other, I was just trying to make this as easy for you as possible and just keep the peace.

Yea, it's kinda important to talk to someone. ASS!
The anatomy of a break up...in Email!

The only lesson I learned here, is that just because someone is a "nice guy" doesn't make him right for you. And it really isn't true that all the "nice guy's" are gone.
Maybe the ones that wanna have sex a lot are gone, cus for some reason you can't find a young nice guy, that still likes to get it on. Oh well. It puts me in a rotten fucking mood!

All I can think of is eating, I'm starving. Weigh-in day. For some reason they make us wait until 10 to weigh in. So, I don't have breakfast today til it's over. Been 22 hrs since I've eaten. Which adds to my spectacular, non-sex getting bitchy mood!!!!!

Today's Question:

What is your biggest self-doubt?

Today, and usually, I feel un-loveable. I'll never be loved the way that I need to be. That is what plays in my head. Nothing like being a downer!