I May Be an Official Re-Virgin...

I just love the dating scene....said no one over 21, ever!

I am not ashamed to say that while dating here and there, I have been celibate for 17 months. Good Godfrey in writing it seems even longer!!

I say celibate, because it sounds more like a decision vs. an affliction. Which...I guess it is, because if all I wanted was sex, I could certainly make that happen, right?

The last time was with exmanfriend. Someone that while I was not in a relationship with at the time, I once deeply loved, so it seemed perfectly OK. Now,  the thought of just tossing it away after all of this time seems silly. After you go for so long without being intimate, your goods turn back into a gift again.

While I have not lost the desire for sex, the thought of waiting gets easier the longer I wait. I have the most amazing dreams about sex with the most random people in my life, which is quite amusing.

That being said, I have yet to find those "fireworks" again, and I'm holding out until I do! (I think...) And despite the long cold spell...I still want it all. Nothing less!

Plus, it's going to take a very special man to understand that while I may love spooning, I would never make my Mr. Magoo get out from in between us in the bed.

I mean, just look at him. He's so completely worthy of a double spoon!!

A Twisted Mind?..

I've been a long time lover of dream analysis. I love remembering my dreams, and finding the symbols in them, and attaching their meanings. Usually my dreams are spot on with what is going on in my life.

I guess until you factor in sex dreams. Sure I want sex...just not with the people I'm dreaming about!

You know you have been single for a while when you start having sex dreams about the most random people you know. Especially when you work with them, and are not even slightly attracted to them. It is really hard for me to make eye contact with them now.

You know you have been single for too long, when your sex dreams include your ex husband of 13 years, who wasn't even good to begin with, but was all you really knew. And worse, he gets you pregnant...children are SO not in my life plan.

Turns out, the universe understood my inner struggle, and my alarm went off just in time!

Let me be a shining example of why everyone needs a friend with benefits! Obviously, lack of sex can warp a persons mind!

Dating is Ok...

As I like to tell my only other single girlfriend....when we feel sad about not being in "a relationship" or "where we thought we would be" at this point of our lives....our married, and or friends with kids are far more jealous of our single girl status, than we are of theirs. So, we need to embrace every moment while we have it!

I've been on a few dates with a guy over the last couple months. I have been keeping it low-key so as to not be like "the girl who cried love". Not that the "L" word is a factor. But you get to dating people, and get your hopes up and start jumping to conclusions, and I'm trying not to do that this time. Slow and steady wins the race.

Novel idea, I am just dating the person for the sake of dating. Going out, having fun, and whatever happens, happens. For the first time in a very long time, I'm quite content with my single-girl status, so the idea of not being overly gung-ho is quite easy. I got my own thing going on, and going on dates are just a bonus to my already awesome life.

Welcome to your mid-thirties!!

When we are together, it feels like it is just us, and that's all any girl can ask for when just "dating" someone.

We went dancing a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember the last time I was dancing with a boy....probably several years back with exmanfriend. It was a blast. I didn't even care that I was so sweaty, it looked like I was caught in a rainstorm...and neither did he.

At one point,  Michael Jackson's "don't stop til you get enough"...came on..which I happen to have a dance routine to from my hip hop cardio class, and I sooooooo wanted to get out on the floor and cut a rug...but at that point, we were seated at the bar, and he said he was having fun flirting with me. Thank God, I don't know what would've happened had I tried to break it down on the dance floor, solo!! Vodka...I love it!

This weekend we took in a winery, and had our own table down on the lawn away from the crowd, and got to see some fireworks. (not just the ones we may have created from kissing....watchout!) 

I missed enjoying someones company, and not just looking forward to the moment when they leave so I can go about my business. I like sharing my business with someone else, if it's the right someone.

And, it was nice to tap into his god given talent as a man, to master my new DVR box for me, and got my remote to work on all my electronics. (I was unable to watch DVD's...I could NOT figure out how to toggle the TV...don't judge!!) (I'll never understand why this comes so easily to men....???)

We are going to see each other again, and are talking about planning a camping trip. I havn't been "real" camping in YEARS, and I SO love it!!

This weeks focus, however, is to get in all the miles I can, so I can get an awesome 5k time on my Friday night race downtown!! I can't wait!!

So I TiVod Porn?....

Recently, I have had to say goodbye to my TiVo, and our 12 year relationship....a person without TiVo, who has been slumming it with a DVR, cannot understand just how heartbreaking this really is.

My new DVR, is merely a glorified VCR. It doesn't have any of the bells and whistles that TiVo has. Sure, it records what I tell it to, sort of, but it doesn't know what I like. We do not share a connection. I guess you don't know what you are missing, if you have never even had it....Maybe my TiVo is a metaphor for love...?

I traded TiVo in for my new box, so I wouldn't be charged for the equipment. I disconnected her in haste, and boxed her right up to send back. I didn't get a chance to erase all my saved shows.

At first thought, I wasn't  worried about the myriad of TV shows still left on there.

But, in addition to seasons of Lost, American Horror Story, many, many Houswives,....I also had a handful of "skinemax" movies I had recorded and saved.....

I guess, when you come right down to it...I cannot possibly be the worst porn offender that has returned a unit, right?

I mean, I really don't think that "Coed Confidential" will land me on any federal pervert lists....Right??!






 

Self Esteeem

I have kept in touch with exactly two of my exes in my whole life. One has been since we broke up back in 1999. It's been different thru the years, friends, friends with benefits, friends, we just never lost contact.


When I met exmanfriend, I changed the rules, it was 3 years of him wanting to see me, and my firm answer of no. Every few months he'd check in. and I'd say I had never been happier. I couldn't see myself without exmanfriend in my life, so the benefits are not on the horizon.

Now, said ex is getting married. For some reason his upcoming nuptuals, and my single-ness have spurred his interest in having friendly benefits with me again. "one last time" as if it is perfectly OK, because I am single.

I try to be a friend and tell him he shouldn't marry someone he doesn't think he will be happy with, and is trying so desperately to cheat on, but he thinks one last "hurrah" is going to make his lifetime of matrimony better, because, through the years, I've been there. 

But what about me? I am so not the girl that will settle for a romp with an ex just because they want to. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it anytime, with a single guy...hello, I'm a girl!

I am a firm believer in karma. What goes around, comes around.

I don't need that bad karma in my life, I have had enough bad luck in relationships!

Recently, said ex needed to buy a quick used phone from the same provider I have, and I happened to have a perfectly good phone, and the need of some fast money, so I said I'd sell it to him.

We met up for the business transaction, and I got such a great satisfaction at the fact that he couldn't believe how well I've aged, and how amazing I looked. I don't care how it may sound, it never gets old to hear an ex talk about how they messed up by letting you go because you are such a great person, and how good you look, no matter how little interest you have in them. Score one for me.


I listened to the crap about how I deserved to be happy, and how some day I will be getting married too. I couldn't help but respond with "I know what I deserve, and I will marry the man of my dreams, and when that happens, I'll never for a second think about cheating on him".

For the first time in a long time, it felt good to make decisions based on what I want, and not what I thought I deserved. I know what is coming my way, so long as I stay true to myself.

In the meantime, I'll be over here, swimming in my crystal clear karma pool, waiting for the future Mr. Me to show up, and knock my socks off!

OH! Losing Weight? Yea...I Still Do That...

I have been so wrapped up in my reading, and imaginary whirlwind single life, that I havn't had much time to talk about weight loss. Sure, I'm still trekking along on this trail! It's a lifestyle change, always and forever!

Still trying to drop that 15lbs I gained back, and have 10lbs to go. It's a lot slower not being on the extreme restrictions I was on to drop the weight, but this whole "maintenance" thing is sure hard! I'm learning to eat healthy in a way I can sustain forever, vs. eating from a list of "approved" foods. I still try to keep it clean, but I do enjoy my progressive light soup now and then, and rotisserie chickens!! (and turkey sandwhiches...mmm...) Oh, and let's not forget I've added back the wine and martini's which I'm sure is the biggest culprit of my slower weight loss. But, that's me. I have to find a way to make it work.

I can give up the ice cream, and pizza, and 95% of bad carbs...but I cannot forgoe a life with no wine or martini's. It is just not in the cards for me people!

If I'd gone back full swing, I could've dropped 15 lbs in 2 weeks. But, that isn't the real me, and I'm determined to find the balance I need to last me a lifetime. Trial and error.

Down only 5lbs.. but I have still seen so many changes in my body due to adding strength and core work. I'm not just an empty shell anymore, I am getting toned, and I love to see my arm muscles visible at rest. I touch my own guns a lot.

"These are mine?", I ask myself. And  myself answers, "oh yes, watch out Kelly Rippa!"

Hi Kelly Rippa's arms! You will be mine, oh yes....

What I am in mourning about, is saying goodbye to my favorite jeans. I am past the point where I can wash them in hot water, and dry them forever to wear them a few hours before they stretch back out again, and hang lifeless at my waist. (don't we all use this trick, ladies??)

They are so old, that I have been unsuccessful in locating them in smaller size.

I'm determined though, to find my levi, low, flare, 542's, with the button pockets, that make my ass look "just right", in my new size. 

There have been zero times before these jeans, that I thought my ass looked good in anything. And...we all know how important it is to think your ass looks good in your jeans...right, ladies??? I mean, it changes your entire outlook!


I bet if I had a Christian Grey, he would find me these jeans with all his worldly connections...

Oh, I'm sorry, did I just go "50 Shades of Grey" for a second? I am still kinda hung up on that. So much so, that after finishing the trilogy so quickly, I am now reading it again...at a normal human person with a life's pace...I'm determined to soak in every word now that I know the ending.

Rejoining the Real World after My "50 Shades of Grey Getaway"....

 I spent my weekend on zero sleep. 50 shades of addicted, I was. I don't remember the last time I was so tired, and sleep deprived, that  I could not sleep.  I kept waking up to thoughts of Christian Grey. So I read more....I finished the series this afternoon, (3 books in 4 days/nights) so I can now resume life in the real world! (and get some rest!)

I'm all about commitment...so when I set out on this fifty shades journey, I knew I would finish it. 

I never thought I would relate to so many aspects of this relationship, given the reputation of this series. (of course, not ALL aspects...ahem...)

But, what can I say? I. Just. Love. Love!! Unattainable, unrelenting, and unrealistic? Maybe, but that's why we have books and movies, isn't it??!! As the tale unfolded, it caused me to revisit old feelings that I have kept bottled up. Not just  the spicy sex stuff...more so, the being "so in love you would do anything for a person" stuff.

I shed more tears while reading these books, than I have in a very long time. We are all damaged in some way. Sometimes when you are in love, you understand that more about the other person than they do. I so related to Ana's frustration with her fifty shades.

Anastasia, to me, is a heroine. I just loved her unconditional love of fifty, and her gentle understanding, and patience with him, despite his posessiveness, and need for, well....um....control.  I loved to watch this relationship change, as they both gave way to compromise, to be together.(true fiction!)

A woman after my own heart, indeed!

These books allowed me to mourn for what I miss so much...my love..I needed that, after all this time without him.. Who knew that a practically pornographic love story would bring up all my junk that I've tried to stifle??? And for most people who "get" this trilogy, it is just that...a love story.

I did, however, leave the house for  2 hours, for a much needed smoothie (my gaping tooth wound is still sensetive, so I can't really eat much) and I went to visit the local pet adoption expo.

I got caught up at the greyhound rescue, petting these sweet creatures..when...

 Mr. Magoo helped himself to their inviting pool.

And then he decided he was staying. 

I'm off to sleep after a mid-afternoon martini. I have been without sleep for so long, that I stopped being tired! I am hoping the vodka may take over, and guide me to sleep..

This song is a beautiful remake. It was on the playlist for 50 Shades series, compiled by the author. And it just tugs at my heartstrings...over, and over...

**You can find the complete youtube playlists for all three books at the Author's website under Music.

50 Shades of Oh. Mah. Gawd..

I was kind of against jumping on the 50 shades of grey bandwagon, despite all of my friends' urgings...because I know its a sincerely sexually charged series and I am but a poor single girl in the city, with no one to take out sexual frustrations on. Plus, I usually don't like popular things.

 Then I decided, what else does a single girl in the city really have to live for, if not for smutty books and unattainable romances?

Since being laid up with my tooth extraction, I've nothing better to do, because the life of a sickly spinster with no one to care for her is pretty boring.  I decided to pick up the series to keep my mind off of what else I couldn't do for one to two days (besides the usual "not getting any") I couldn't drink, smoke, or work out. I mean, really, that's the extent of my life.

So, I lost myself in the seedy yet oddly adorable world of Anastasia, and Cristian for a day and a half, and have moved on to book number two already!


I felt like I was buying pornography when I bought the books, and I felt the need to pair it with stuff I didn't really need but would run out of one day so it wasn't a total waste of money, like bathroom necessities. 

But I am really a fan, and I feel like these two are a staple in my day. I talk about them like they are my friends. 

Sex, and the City??

It's that moment when....you wake up from a night of drinking in your snuggly new bed, two weeks after you have your new bed delivered, and set up for you in your bedroom...that you notice your "adult toy" is lying blatently on your night stand, in all its colorful glory.

"OMG, when is the last time I used that??"

Your heart skips a beat when you realize that yes, it's been there for several weeks.

And then you flash back to the day of delivery when the guys told you "you were our favorite delivery of the day", upon their departure. You thought it was because you were chatty, and nice, and thankful for your new furniture, and very appreciative of their speedy service....right?

This is not the only time that my healthy sex drive has caused embarressment.

This almost (but not quite) outshines the time the cable guy came out to investigate a problem with interference on my cable line (YEARRS ago!) and he asked "does the interference also happen when you watch VHS?"

You tell him that yes, it does,  and he asks if there is a VHS in the player that he can test.

You reply "yes, there is..."

And he pushes play...

And then it's smack dab in the middle of a porno.

Porno. On TV. With the cable guy. 


It was like I was making my own porno.

Lure the cable guy over with complaints, and watch a porno together, totally on accident, and then, make a porno of your own. (of course this did NOT happen!!)

Clearly, the cable guy still wins out on life's most embaressing moment for me. 

Is it any wonder I don't want to reproduce? I am a complete mess!

Wounded...

You know that crappy saying people think helps you get over someone when your heart is wrenched out of your chest? "Time heals all wounds". What. Ever. Time doesn't heal anything. Not even a yeast infection.

I don't put much stock into religion, in that I understand that if I sit around and wait for life to change for me, it sure as shit is not going to change. I am the one who has to change it. I don't believe there is a god that swoops down into your life and fixes all your problems, just because you ask it to. You do.

I'm not for certain what I believe. But after seeing exnewguys post on his facebook about god working in his life.....it put a bad taste in my mouth. That is exactly why I am so turned off by organized religion. Hippocrites. He acted as though he was so godly, and then he lives a completely different way. I'm sure its a real christian thing to do, to solicit your ex for sex, right?

I prefer to govern myself, and be responsible for my own actions, and not count on any outside sources to make me a better person. I am better because I work at it.

Time doesn't heal your wounds. And neither does god. You do.

And I suppose you don't do it by pretending they aren't there for 5 months, or drinking them away, or asking someone else to handle them for you.

You do it by facing them. And feeling them. And telling yourself that he wasn't the love of your life, because how sad would it be to imagine a lifetime of never feeling that again.

And crying when you need to. And writing endless pages about how much you hurt in your journals (now this is always fun to look back on...like how many times can I write the same thing!) And remembering how he wanted to end a perfectly good relationship for no apparent reason.

I need to get rid of my material posessions that remind me of him. But I'm not there yet. I want to burn them at the stake while I dance around (not naked, I live in the city) and tell them to burn in hell. If only that would make me feel better. Well it might. A little.

I miss him. I miss so much about him, but more and more, I kinda miss me more, without missing him less. I honestly know the only person this hurts is me. I carried a painful divorce for 10 years while he got remarried.

I really miss sleep, and most of all I miss my peace of mind. And I miss my rationality 5 months ago when I thought it was a good idea to not think about dealing with the pain of this break up for more than a couple of weeks.

Hoebag Isn't on my Forehead...is it?

I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 on Friday. Which was awesome, because it ties the first one into it, and you find out why the first girl is haunted, and its actually pretty messed up!

After having a fun night with my friends, I get out of the movie, and I had gotten a text around midnight from exnewguy. Midnight texts from an ex. You know what that means.

He wanted to get together one last time for "fun". Seriously. This is the same guy who decided our relationship was too sexual and bailed. Talk about being screwed up in the head. As if this doesn't scream....."I don't respect you enough to date you, but screwing you is just fine." Or, "I just might be afraid to commit to anything but sex"

As much as I may have wanted to hook up, I decided that nothing would change in my life if I didn't change it. If I wanted to be respected, I had to do the respectable thing, and make him feel like total dog shit. I told him that while it did sound fun I actually had feelings for him, and doing something like that isn't so easy for me as it once may have been.

Of course, he persisted for some time, and eventually gave up. Then the next day sent me an apology saying he was out of line, and had been drinking.

Yea, I'd say so.

Obviously, this is just another frog in the pond of life. I think eventually there has to be a good one. I believe I found it before. I know I will again.

The Lloyd Dobbler Effect...

So, I'm going along, minding my business. Getting use to the idea that I'll likely be alone until my cats eat my eyeballs out. *Or, the mice overtake my house. I still pine for exassholemanfriend, and it pretty much annoys me, because it's not getting me anywhere. Wishing him back wont make him come back. And why should I wish for someone who obviously doesn't want me?


*(Yes..I have mice again. I've caught two...me two, my four cats...ZERO! They are lucky that they are cute fluffernutters! At least they do that job right.)



And I get a message from exnewguy. Just friendly chit chat. Why? He was overly concerned that we were "OK" after the dumping. I was assuming, just because we have many friends in common. I told him sure, I know we'll run into each other again one day. It's not like we were IN LOVE or anything, so whatever. Yes it hurts and I don't look forward to one day seeing him w/someone else...



But don't boys understand that it's not easy to hear from you once you dump us? Like, don't rip out my heart, and send me a message all about regretting it. Because what does that do? It makes me hurt for what we had all over again. If you wanted to do the right thing, you would get your shit together, and stand outside my window blasting "in your eyes" by peter gabriel on your retro boom box just like Lloyd Dobbler. "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen" That sums it up.








Yes, that is definatly a signal, that you cannot mix. Especially since I live in an ethnically diverse neighborhood. I'm sure they'd love hearing it just as much as me. I think that like Cinderella ruined most girls, Say Anything ruined me.

Where is my prince charming with a boom box? Oh, I can believe it will happen one day. Because it gives me hope. Instead of a white horse, it'll be a beat up blue hoop-t!

Oh heck no. After friending Lloyd on FB...I was turned on to this video on youtube.

If theres one thing I'm good at, it's getting dumped!..

Yes, yes. I got dumped again. I really am starting to get a complex. Sort of. I mean, honestly, I cried a little bit about it, but mostly, my heart wasn't in it anyway. And he was looking for a reason to stay with me and I couldn't really give him one.

What happened this time. Well "it's not you its me" would probably fit here. The guys been single for like 5 years and he just wasn't ready. When he mentioned that he didn't feel "100%" that things would work out w/us, asked what I thought...and I said "I just spent the last three years with a guy who wasn't sure he was ready, and we had a good relationship, we were in love...I can't do it again".

Furthermore, new guy said we had too much sex. Um. firstively, this isn't the first time I've heard this from a man, but it never ceases to shock the shit out of me. Secondly, I really don't remember having to force myself on him thankyouverymuch.

He admitted, nothing may ever feel 100% to him, and thats on him, I'm an awesome girl and he likes hanging out with me and we have a lot of fun, blah. bliddy blah blah.

When you give up the universe will bring you love, right? I dunno, but I give up. Not on finding love, but that love will find me, and I'm not going out of my way to find it.

What's Normal...

I duno who gets to decide normal. But Oprah had a show all about it. Like it's normal to pick your nose 5 times a day, because so many people do it. Is normal what most people do? What if all those nose pickers are retarded? Are they still normal? I mean, who decides these things?

I think its us. We are our own survey of normal.

I'm trying to determine when I make the turn from...

"I'm just feeling my feelings"

to....

"maybe I'm pathetic"

Of course, this stems from a miriad of things. Much which I havn't blogged about, but I'm goin thru some giant crap other than man/relationship things, and spending a lot of time on my own as a result.

Alone gives you time to think. Unless you drink your thoughts away, but I think my liver says that's not normal, and the first three months of me and exassholemanfriend's break up is proof of that.

Things I've tried:

1. Crying. Lots.
2. Sobbing and crying. Lots.
3. Turning sadness into anger. Replacing I miss him, or I love him with I hate him, and he's dead to me.
4. Drinking wine.
5. Revenge ie; keeping things he left at my house that he asked for back but doesn't deserve.
6. Drinking vodka
7. Revenge ie; maybe someone took his grill from his house, that I know nothing about.
8. Drinking a 6 pack of beer as shots. which is awesome
9. Thinking he died
10. Imagining feeding him poop. I think of this alot. And really, its the only thought which brings me joy when it comes to him
11. Crying
12. Dating someone else
13. Drinking. Lots. Until I pass out. this works for a while but you get tired of hangovers, it costs a bundle, and eventually, you gotta be drunk all day to not think, and luckily I'm gainfully employed.
14. Ignoring that I have feelings
15. Positive thought...."I use to turn the right blinker on to turn right when exasshole manfriend was in the car" *sob* into..."someone else will appreciate the way I signal my intent to turn"
16. Giving up everything "we" did together. Besides sex. Because, I'm not stupid.
17. Revenge ie; wiping your butt with the boxers you gave back to him.

Honestly, I have no clue what else to do. I've never been in this predicament. I've had plenty to hate about my old boyfriends. Plenty to look forward to, because let's face it they were all losers.

But I guess if after 5 months I'm finally starting to question if my missing him is bordering on being a little obsessive, maybe it is.

Maybe being a cat lady isn't so bad.

Look at me Neglecting the blog...

I've been doing things like, working too much unpaid overtime (I'm salary so it all adds up in the end) and preparing for bacheloretting, cleaning, and seeing my new guy. Who's quickly climbing to the top as my favorite guy.

We had our first date last week. Yes, we've known each other for years, and have hung out countless times, and had a "cook you dinner" date, but it was our first time going out officially!

He asked what time I wanted him to pick me up, I said pick me up? I'm so not use to that, I told him that's the royal treatment! I havn't been picked up for a date in years! When he came to get me he put me in the car too which is my #1 favorite boy thing to do for a girl. (this is closely followed by petting, and forehead kisses, which I also have been getting!)

I was so nervous, which seems silly, as we've seen each other naked, and talked about everything from religion, to childhood crushes. I just get nervous! But of course, we had a fantastic evening! One of his friends called when we were on our way home, and he said he had to go because he was being rude being on the phone in front of his....(insert my name here) he almost called me his girlfriend.

This past week, he bought me pillows for his house. Which is pretty stinking cute, seeing how I sleep on a cloud of pillowy goodness at home (I have 8 pillows, I sleep with 4) and he has two, what I refer to as "pancake pillows". So, he thought enough of my comfort to buy me pillows.

Then, he came over, just to fix my bed for me on Sunday, because it's been broken countless times (don't ask me how) and finally took a crap when I was making it. He fixed it for real, and I enjoyed every second. I love a man who will rescue a damsel in distress, and knows how to fix things, and cares enough to offer his help, without being asked. *swoon*

The only thing that I wonder about, is the fact that he does not consume my every thought. I mean I really like him. I love hanging out with him, I'm attracted to him, he's super sweet and funny, and never ever complains about my smelly dog, rather says "it's not her fault" (which it isn't!) and isnt a cat person, but still calls my cats by name, has a couple nicknames for them, and lets them lay on his lap. (the way to my heart is thru my pets, obvy)

My Mom says that's because its a normal healthy relationship. I guess I'm not use to it. That, and the fact that it's not really "new", since he's what i affectionatley call a "re-do". He calls it third times a charm. I mean the relationship stuff is new. But we're not new in a lot of other ways.

I'm just rolling with it. Because I am happy where I am. Still seeing my friends and living my life, and having a cute boy who I really like to hang out with too.

Meeting The New Neighbors...

My new neighbors aren't my old ones. My old ones were my friends. You know like, in real life, not in apartment life. So, I didn't worry about making a ruckuss..(of any sort) or sweeping at midnight.

My new neighbors smoke outside. From time to time I run into them whilst taking my stanky dog out to "go potty pants" (shut up thats makes her take a tinkle).

Girl neighbor: "aww, when does she get her cast off?"

Me: "after the new year"

Girl neighbor: "poor thing, I can hear her thumping around"

Me to myself: she hears the thump of my dogs cast...what else does she hear? gulp. Is this a subtle hint to tell me she knows that I don't always sleep alone? Do you think she can hear anything?

Normally I wouldn't worry but as stated my old neighbors were my friends and not shy about telling me they could hear some shenanigans from time to time.

Awesome.

OK..Maybe Sex in the City...

I am off work for five days. So last night I settled in with a paintbrush, which is what I do anymore. I paint my furniture white. It takes for. ev. er.

I got a text from the new guy asking what I was up to. I said I was just painting, what are you up to...

He responded he was going home from work, and coming to see me?

I told him I would like that. He asked could he bring anything. I said...wine?

He called me for directions, and the deal was made. My first company!

I had company last night. It took him 10 whole minutes to come over. We fell right back into things except they were different. We both knew that this wasn't going to be a casual deal, and that made it seem a lot closer. We talked about deeper things.

We kissed. He is a reallllllly good kisser. This is way important. Notsomuchamanfriend wasn't much for kissing. Neither was the last guy or the guy before that. Anyway he said kissing leads to other things, and he didn't come over for that. I told him I think we get a pass since we've been there before. Maybe I'm a bad influence? Maybe I know what I like.

We had a nice talk, a lot of laughs, and he asked me my favorite food. He's gonna make me chicken parmesean. Yum! I said you bread it and everything? Yes. He likes to cook. Aaaand he has a garden. I thought that was pretty cute.

I kept him up really late he had to work in the morning. He said he was a little tired today, but I said if its any consellation I slept really good. He was happy to have fixed my sleeping problem. I asked if I could get a prescription, and he said he would hook me up. I said I must be a lucky girl then.

It felt good to spend time with him. It's not like a stranger, and when we were talking, we knew a lot of the same people we were talking about. He remembers meeting my brother at a party, I went to school with some of his friends, he is friends w/my friends fiance, and another friends ex husband.

I think the universe works in mysterious ways. And we weren't ready for more when we were together in the past. And now that we are, the universe made way for us to be together. I'm gonna take it day by day but so far, I like it!

And, I have not even tried to dig for info on notsomuchamanfriend. Because I don't give a shit. I really dont. I think he is stupid that he let me go but as it turns out, it seems like it was to make way for bigger (yea, that too) and better things!

I almost died last night....

Oh, Hi Donnie Wahlberg. You can park your shoes under my bed any time. We weren't going to go to NKOTB because it was last minute, and trying to get everyone together at the last minute for a concert, after all having to work, was a pain in the ass, but worth it.

The tickets weren't mine so I was merely a pawn in my friends indecision to go.

But go......WE DID!

And then.. I almost died, by way of heart attack June 23, 2009.





Recap.. My girlfriend had free pavilion seats, so I packed up my neighbor and we went to pick her up and head to the show.

Step 1, I got a 24 oz Bud light lime. At a New Kids concert. So what if it cost me $11, and didn't taste any better than a $2 beer. I was drinking, at the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK CONCERT.





Step 2, we had tickets close enough, that I could see Donnie's sweaty chesticles in his white wife beater, and his sweet ass, and his um...well...you remember how they always did those pelvic thrusts that made your pre-teen hormones skyrocket?





Was that just me? No, of course not, you know!





Step 3 They did the same dances to the old songs, that they did on their VHS concert tapes. This is timeless, and made me scream.





Step 4 When they sang Dirty Dancing they played the part from the movie dirty dancing where Patrick Swayze comes back at the end and says "Nobody puts baby in the corner" and everyone went crazy. God, I love pop culture.....





Step 5 I swear, it was just like the beatles. I never saw them in my teen years. So, this was my moment. I could not believe how much everyone still loves them, and how much they still rock.





Step 6, (Yes, I now there isnt a step 6) They came along the side of the pavilion, to sing in the back, and we were this close to touching them. I was so excited, and jumping, and screaming, and my heart felt like it would burst out of my chest I couldn't stand it. Goosebumps, butterflies, I was all aflutter with such excitement!

I've decided that I may run off with Donnie. I mean, I was holding out for Edwin McCain forever, and he doesn't ever offer to whisk me away.

You know how I know that I'm super in love with my manfriend? I'd never leave him even for Donnie Wahlberg, he's way cuter than anyone in the universe. My Nestle Tollhouse cute cookie!

And BTW...I super love Donnie. Damn, is my manfriend lucky or what?

If he was at my home last night he woulda got lucky! I had that thing guys get after being at the strip club. I was all fired up!




Jesse McCarthy? Go eat a dick, you totally blew, and I can't believe you even opened for such iconic legends as the new kids on the block. Gawd.

P.S. Tomorrow is Poison, Def Lepard, and Cheap Trick. I'm reliving my youth. Well, I don't think I ever left it....

Happiness Is...

Happiness is reliving your childhood! Remember the game Mash, and how awesome it was at predicting your future? That is, if you were ever a teenage girl. (this excludes my mom, who as a teenager probably didn't have pencils to play games. She had to play with cans and rocks)

I did MASH online, and here's a glimpse into my future:


Your husband's name is Edwin (McCain) and you have 0 children. (Yessssssss!) You're a Vet who drives to work every day in a red mazda.

It's truly a wonderful life when you consider the countless romantic nights you have spent with Edwin in your house in Charleston, SC.

I mean, if I can't marry my manfriend, I may as well marry Edwin. Edwin is married, but his wife will totally understand. And maybe I should tell my manfriend in an effort to make him jealous? Ohhh, I'm Kidding. He's not the jealous type. At least not crazy jealous. You know, it's nice to hear someone say "you're mine" when they don't mean you are their propert. It's super cute!

You can play mash for yourself at this link. Ah, memories.

Is it mean to be annoyed that all I hear about at work is someone's wedding? I must have told said person, that she is going to have major post wedding let-down 15 times, because its over in a flash, and then your like....uhhhh so I'm married? Now what do I spend 99% of my life doing...since my wedding is no longer being planned?

Next time it happens for me (which it will, because thats what I want and the law of the universe says I can have what I want) I'm getting married at the beach. With like a couple people, if anyone. Because the next time, its going to be cus I'm madly in love, and can't imagine my life without him. Not because I want the "american dream" with the white dress and the family and all the bells and whistles. I want what all of that is suppose to stand for, real love.

Speaking of real love. I'm a fan of cuddling. I mean, quite literally, on facebook, I'm a fan. Last week they posted this article which is so cheesily cute I can't stand it. I read it to my manfriend, while using the "how to cuddle" instructions to put the moves on him. It was one of those moments I'll always remember. Laughing. Being silly. Cuddling. And telling my manfriend what a nice, soft, squishy pillow he makes. (it was #8 on the cuddling list)

Lastley I'm sick. I should have known yesterday when the inferno which is me was actually cold, to the point I had to wear a sweater. I feel like I have an elephant on my chest. And my stomach is in knots. I don't think its the swine flu, but I definately need some robitussin to hack up some yummy phlem.

I'm still working out. Because I have to.

Did you watch Grey's Anatomy? And cry your eyes out? Great balls of fire, that show makes me have sappy feelings!

Rosanna...I Love You...

Click to watch this cat video with his head in a bag. He likes it. I saw this on a friend's face book. (yes I said facebook......I gave in like a month ago)

I saw my manfriend on Wednesday. *swoon* It was still daylight when he came over. This was clearly a breakthrough! I dunno if you know this but he's super cute. He bought me a whole pkg of plastic forks. You know, romance. It means that he appreciates the fact that I am kinda goofey and prefer to eat with plastic forks! I can't explain the feeling I get when I'm with him but it's best described as the warm fuzzies mixed with butterflies and lust. Some day I'll go to sleep every night in his arms. *sigh*

I had a dream that he bought me a bunch of scrapbooking stuff for Christmas. Only he made me wait until now to open it, and said that it was hard for him to be patient. It was a bunch of wedding scrapbook stuff. Like to make a wedding scrapbook, brides, and grooms and stuff. he didn't propose to me, just gave me that stuff.

Just like my recurrent dream about forgetting to feed my (nonexistant) fish, has nothing to do with fish, it has to do with fertility. This dream had nothing to do with getting married.

(when I looked up weddings in my dream book, it said they are often negative and represent anxiety and fear...see?)

I didn't lose weight this week. In fact, I gained weight but we're not going there. I'm blaming it on the fact that I've started weights and more resistance with the eliptical. Cus seriously I havn't ate bad. And I have worked out 90 minutes 3 days this week, and 50 the other two. (Three days were double workouts!) I've stared at buckeye cake (chocolate cake w/pbutter middle!!) and not had any. As much as I want a reese's egg, not one! No jellybeans either!

So even though on the biggest loser they say its crap to say you gain muscle weight, that weight gain is weight gain...I'm saying you do. So as not to get discouraged. I'm on the last 21lbs. I think its mostly mental. I'm kicking that 21lbs ass!

P.S. New girl at work said while the classic "Rosanna" by Toto was playing on muzak..."is he singing Rosanna?".

Yea, she'd never heard it before. Never. Heard. Rosanna. This goes up there with her calling Debbie Gibson the oldies. I never thought this would happen to me. When did I get to be older? When did people start being born the year I graduated, and beign old enough to drive a car?