"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, August 31, 2007

Rollin down the street....

Well, here she is, in all her glory. My new G-ride! Isn't she purdy? She's a 2004 Dodge Stratus 2 door SXT coupe. Gray. I never thought I'd like a Stratus, but this is snazzy. It has a lot of the same parts as a Mitsubishi Eclipse. When I got to
the dealer, I was nauseus. But, I felt comfortable after a few minutes. The first car I looked at I don't remember what it was, I didn't even drive it. I said uh, nah! The second, was a Buick Century. Do I look 80 years old?? I test drove it cus
it was a nice car, lots of options. But it felt like driving a boat. I told him it wasn't "me" and since I didn't need a car I'd just wait and come back when I maybe had some money down or something. Am I a grown up or what?

He asked what I needed in a car, and I said something "comparable" to my car. So he drove up in this car, and I said yea, now we're talking! I couldn't believe it was a stratus. I loved how it drove. It has a sunroof, and a spoiler. Power windows, seats, doors, locks, cruise. Awesome sound system. I found out accidentally that it has a 4 disc in-dash CD changer. I couldn't figure how to get a CD out, it kept saying to insert disc 4..and I was like woa, a CD changer! The best part? It's a 4cyl so I'll save in GAS! (I had a V6) Oh, Oh, and, my rate is 10%, vs. 19% I had on the last one.

So, I defeated the purpose of a lower payment. Ready for this? It's only $4 more a month than I'm paying for my 2001. Plus I got gap insurance. Plus I'm financed thru CHRYSLER which will help my credit! The insurance went up $14 though. Ouch. So,
I can afford it. But I'm not saving anything.

She's mine. All mine! Plus, they said I might get $126 back soon, from the car payment I made today. It comes out automatically from my checking twice a month.

I'm goin to West Virginia to get my Momma tonight in the new car! Fun!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I Havn't Got a Title....

Well, first things first. As of today, I've lost 34lbs. THIRTY-FOUR! I am 1lb away from my goal for next Thursday! And, halfway to my overall goal. You know, 10 of the 34 I have lost in 1 month? I track everything I do, so I looked to see what was different? In 5 months I lost 22 lbs. And this last month and couple weeks is going so much quicker. What's different? Well, working every weekend, I havn't drank any alchohol in over a month. Ding ding ding ding!! And, I added some different stuff to the workouts I'm doing. And I cut out bad carbs almost completely. I have them once a day vs. 10 times. But mostly I'd guess it's the lack of alchohol. Which I do miss. Terribly. Sniff sniff. I'm sure once a month wouldn't kill me. But at this point, I don't
want to jack up my progress. See how that works?

And, what amazes me is that I weighed 34lbs more. I think I had that reverse body dismorphia. I didn't think I looked bad, but even looking at my ID badge from work that was taken in December. Uh, yea, I was way fatter! At the time I thought I looked ok!
Now that I'm on such a roll I asked my sis where I can workout in Va Beach. I can't take that many days off! I want to try to go to Mt. Trashmore to walk. It's made from poop. I dunno if
that's true, but it's solid waste. Poop is solid waste. You may note that it is on EDWIN (link is to my New Years You tube video of Edwin pics/music) drive. It's a sign from the universe that going there is a positive thing! I'd also like to walk at least a mile of my 3.5 a day on the beach, since its suppose to be a good workout.

Today, I'm going to look at a car. I am so nervous. And guess what? I spent last night cleaning out my car in case I trade her in, and then I tried to roll up the windows and slooooowwwwwllllyyyyyy the battery died. The windows wouldn't even roll
up. How ironic. Tayray and her man came home from the bar and jumped my car. Honestly, I was afraid it would explode, cus you know those things can blow if you do it wrong. Alchohol and car stuff shouldn't mix. Anyhoo - I dunno what my car options are yet. So, I might not even get one. It has to be cute, cus my car is way cute. I wouldn't give up a cute car for
nothin. We'll see! Wish me luck. Think....Pontiac G6....(that's what I reallllly want)

And, I had the whole night to myself! Brother was working! Yippeee! Alone, up until I went to bed! So, I got alot done. Worked out, swept, and scrubbed the carpets, and washed my seat covers, vacumed furniture. Lots to do to get ready for company! Let me mention, that my steam vac belt broke. So I can't use it as an upright now, I had to do my floors with the furniture attachment. I'll have to replace the belt for next time. That was a chore and a half! Brother also made mention that if he gets enough cleared out at his house he would stay there. As, tomorrow he is working, and I am going after working all day to pick up my Momma in WV. Two. Hour. Drive. One. Way. But we'll see. I'm no good with directions, and taking a solo drive may be detrimental. I will have 6 days with my momma. I'm working all 6 days. Fooey!

I dunno what they'll do when I'm gone about driving. My mom isn't driving much since her accident. And, I don't want my brother tooling around in my car to go to work especially since the last time I let him use my car when I was out of town; a week later, I found a trashbag FULL of empty beer bottles IN MY TRUNK! Like, I couldn't get arrested for that! He's a
fucker sometimes. He doesn't know the meaning of the word garbage can.

P.S. The shit second job shorted me 10 hours on my pay. I worked 18 hours and I got paid for 8. I was only banking on that money for my trip. I've called them three times and they are "processing it" they tried to blame me too. Typical!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Fluff n Stuff......

Thanks to everyone for their support. If we all pull together we could use our power for good. Or...something. But until then, the main happiness for me is.. Well. It is a mere EIGHT DAYS until I see my fabulous love Edwin McCain. My sister is probably offended that I always mention her second. I'm seeing my sister too. She's picking me up at the airport. Right...heh? Heh? And she also said she is sending me money for my ticket. Sooooo, that would put her first. Since technically Edwin doesn't know my name. Let alone would he shell out the money to buy my ticket. But, if he knew me he would love me. He's lucky he doesn't know me. He'd be in trouble!

They changed the schedule at the police station. Now, I work 3-11 this weekend. I am suppose to go pick up my mom in WV. I was going to go after sleeping from the midnight shift but where is the time working 3-11? That's the true shit shift. So I either have to get her Friday after the full time job, or Saturday really early in the morning. She has no service where she is in PA so I can't even call her ass. We're suppose to meet in the "middle" in WV. I think this is a ploy to go gambling at Mountaineer. I know her all too well.

I love this line from Kelly Clarkson's new song "Sober". "I picked all my weeds, but kept my flowers". It's really pretty if you think about the positive changes you make in your life.

Well, I have 2 VP's on vacation. And one traveling. And the two managers are in off-site training. So, I'm free today. How about that? There is career development school here. Which is the managers from the stores. They are on a tour. Some asshole just said "monica lewinsky?". Get over it! It's only 80 fucking years old now. I need to sue that bitch for defamation or something!

P.S. While you are an adorable couple Jesssica and Eric, you are stupid and your time will be cut short on Big Brother since you didn't back door Dick or Danielle. Idiots. Gawd.

P.S.S. Someone is going to look at a car tomorrow. Someone has the chance of a cheaper payment and lower miles and a newer car. Someone is happy and nervous. Someone doesn't like the fact that she is going alone to the car dealer. Someone might ask a friend to go with her! Someone needs good luck! Someone has to clean her car out tonight!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Reality Check...

Ok, is this really my life? Did I get on this train? Am I the captain of my own ship? And, what the fuck have I been doing with my life? Honestly?

This weekend, I missed the opportunity to see someone. It sorta ticks me off, cus well, its pretty damn good to see him. What ticks me off more than that, is that when I went over last week, we had a seemingly good time as usual. I mean, we joked around. We talked about different things going on in our lives. Gave each other advice. Laughed, and messed around.

And then, I never hear from him. I mean, it's an understanding what things are between us. So, I shouldn't expect more. I think that this is going to have to come to an end soon. Feelings are starting to get in the way of it. I kinda like him. I know I shouldn't. There I go, being a girl. Sue me. I dunno how I'll find love when I'm too busy working, and being casual with a boy. I'm the kind of girl you take home to your Momma. Seriously. Unless she wants grandkids......

Then, there's CP. You know, we're friends or whatever. We talk. I'm glad that he is doing well because despite what the world thinks I should or shouldn't do, I still care about the guy. We weren't engaged because it was something to do. There was love there. I dunno. Thank God he's locked up in rehab though. Anyway - it seems there is always something new arising from the past in the way of a lie. Heres the latest that he has confessed to me.

He bought me these at home drug tests for opiates you know, so I could test him whenever I felt like testing him. To prove he'd changed, and was drug free and all. This is why I really didn't "fully" think he was on drugs again, cus while I had my suspicions, he seemed to pass the drug tests. Nevermind the fact, that I myself, had supplied my very own urine, for my very own friend to pass her very own drug test. It can be done. If you can fool the professionals, one can fool me, right?

One time the test showed up positive for marijuana. I knew his nephew smoked, so I was sure he used his piss to take the test. It happened to be the last test in the box too. He told me that he smoked pot with his nephew, to explain the marijuana reading. He didn't seem shocked at all. So since he'd been delving out truths latley, I asked him if he used someone else's pee for that test. No, he used water, and yellow food coloring. He said he just bought it on the way home, and kept it in his nutsack (my friend kept my pee in her cleavage.....) to be the proper temperature. Cus there is a temperature strip on the cup. He said he had no idea why marijuana came up on it, so he made up the story about his nephew. Sneaky fuck.

The day before I kicked him out, he shot up. You know, with an actual needle. In the arm. Like a fucking junkie. DISGUSTING! This I think, was the hardest lie to hear. I forget what he said he shot up, it was some weird name. But you know, he was taking like 16 vicoden a day, then started snorting oxy, so whatever is the next logical step. That made me sick. Plus, you know, he was forever trying to get in my pants. All the while knowing, he was using a needle. Not caring that he could put me at risk for some skanky disease! Good thing I had someone else to get in my pants. God, that sounded totally slutty. But, you get the point. He couldve given me some skanky drug disease. Just what I need!

He told me a few more things, that I had pretty much known, but he finally confirmed that he'd lied to me about. They made me sick too. It's like, he had this whole other secret life of theivery. Drug friends. And lies. He asked if I put my A/C in my bedroom yet. I said don't you remember you sold it for drug money? I told him he could scrap my ghetto one, but he took both of them "on accident". I can't explain what a shot to the heart this all is. I asked where his car was, and he said he gave it to some druggies for letting him stay there the week before rehab. He stays with me for 2 months, and I barely get paid, he stays with them a week and they get a car. The car he told me he was giving to me to make up for the money he owed me. The car he said he couldn't give to me, because he didn't have the title. He said he promised it to several people.

I mean, I understand the whole addiction thing. Everyone I've dated has been an addict. One was a workaholic, which is almost as bad. Something has always been more important to the men in my life besides me. Starting with my own father. Not that I have to be the end all be all but I should rank up there if you love me!

And then, I've got my brother living with me. Basically doing the same shit. Lying. Sneaking. Thinking I don't know what he is doing. It pisses me off. I'm telling you people for real - once I'm back from my vacation, this shit's ending. I am no longer going to be an enabler to anyone. He gave me $1.50 after working all day. He owes me $226. That's just for the phone bill. Nevermind I put him up for 2 months. Well, he had been drinking. And lied to me about buying "pop and cigarettes with the rest". Seriously. Like I can't tell? It was just like growing up when my dad would have us for the weekend, and we'd hear him crack beer cans open in the next room and come in all "normal" like. Like we didn't know he was acting different? Is this my life?

Can someone loan me a couple million, so I can go on that moon trip with the Russians and live on the space station? I bet in space, lifes pretty simple. Plus, I'd lose a lot of weight being weightless and all, and that would make me happy. I bet space food is good. I've had the ice cream. Ok, so... who wants to throw in the first million? Anyone?

Monday, August 27, 2007

Life is a Bowl of Strawberries and Granola...

This morning, they had something new at the salad bar at work. Make your own parfait. Leave it to me to get totally excited about it. But I normally bring the same thing from home when I pack my lunch, so it is exciting. Fat free vanilla yogurt, sliced strawberries, and granola with almonds. Deeee-lish! So, I didn't have my usual Monday morning egg, and turkey bacon on an english muffin. I think I may survive. I'll just have my bread at lunch. If I go without bread all day, you might find me lying on the floor going thru withdrawl.

Last night, I had the weirdest fucking dream. My Dad was there (who has been dead since 2001) . We were in my Mom's trailer from back in the day. Someone was killing people. And I remember being in the hot tub. Chillin. Like nothin was going on. I remember being really hungry in my dream, and my dad put on these "pizzas". But they cooked on the side of the hot tub. And they were not really like pizzas they were big as innertubes. And they were undulating. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. They never did cook either they just sat on the side of the hot tub. I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was. Then I was at my current apartment, and my uncle Dennis was there (Dad's brother) hanging out. We havn't seen him since my Dad died. His daughter came (my cousin) out of the blue to visit. All the while, there was murders happening at my Mom's house, and no one seemed to be bothered.

I really hope this doesn't mean something horrible is going to happen to my family. I prefer to think that I have been craving pizza for a month now. And I was ready to kill people for my damned pizza!

Honestly though, I can contribute that dream to the fact that I watched "Vacancy" and "Fracture" yesterday. Both pretty good flicks.

I got new furniture! Well, not new, but new to me. Bubba brought me her furniture and I moved my couch and chair (both horribly ripped up and old) downstairs, and took my crappy downstairs couch out into the garage. Now, I have a couch and a big cushy chair upstairs with an ottoman. I have my own place to chill in my own apartment. Since, the brother claims my couch as his personal laying ground. It's flowery. I'm not much into flowers for furniture, but it's in better shape, and it'll do me until I can afford NEW.

Talked to CP this wknd. But I'll blog that tomorrow. Let's just say that I do miss him. And I wish that I didn't. Our friendship. People.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

One With The Land...

This is a fawn I saw today on my hike. You are not allowed to make fun of me talking to the deer. If you think this is bad, you should be at my house for 10 minutes. I'm slightly animal obsessed like that. It's what makes me so damn loveable.

You know, it was about 93 degrees today with 90% humidity. And I decided to go for a hike at Sand Run. When I say hike, I mean a hike. There were huge hills. I opted for the 3.3 mile Mingo Trail, because I normally walk that many miles each day. No problem! Shit, this was something else. My hair was dripping non-stop with sweat, my entire shirt was soaked. I was literally melting! But I even ran up some hills, took the steps on the path two-by-two, and only rested twice.

But along the way I saw lots of nature, and I love nature. It's this kind of day that I really needed. To appreciate the beauty in the world. And stop complaining about life for a while. I really needed to be alone with my thoughts today. And, seeing how I can't be alone in my own apartment, I opted for something different. It's an absolutely beautiful trail! Not the same old canal like the towpath by my house. Besides, we were closed due to flooding. My little town really made the paper. The two canals flooded together. Covering a park in betwen the two. It was a sight to see. Too bad I never went and took pictures. I did however, take pictures from the park today.

A picture of the video fawn's sibling. It was further away so I just snapped a zoom photo

There was a babbling brook

A peaceful waterfall, that I really wanted to jump in

Lots of bridges!

I'm slightly obsessed with rocks. I have to always take some home with me on my travels. Look at all these rocks! I only got two small ones though. Too far to haul the good ones.

I'm at work this evening. I guess they changed the schedule and I'm off the weekend I go see Edwin. That could change though, as things tend to do around here.

Tonight, seriously, some chick called to tell me that her "boyfriend" was at another girls house drinking and he's already had one DUI and what could we do. This took her approximately 15 minutes to tell me. Um, how about you solve your domestic problems yourself, and don't bother the police with it? Thanks.

Friday, August 24, 2007


I can no longer function in this heat. I tried to do kickboxing downstairs last night for half an hour before my hour walk, (because I ate two delicious cookies yesterday, that were totally worth it)and my entire body was covered in sweat. I mean, I sweat when I workout, but even my arms were sweating. And it's cool downstairs, it's halfway in the ground.

So today I'm feeling it. My freaking legs are killing me. But that's a good thing. Shock the old body with a different workout. And I had to watch Lost on the treadmill upstairs. Season two. I have no programs to watch. Exercise is so depressing with no TV to watch. There isn't even The View, or Ellen, or Oprah...those are all repeats! I miss you cable. Please come back. And...ummmm....Fall TV? Now? Please?

I got a call at 10:30 last night, and guess what? Those bastards at the police station didn't give me the time off to go to Virginia Beach. Shocking. Too bad I'm quitting. I really have no choice. I was sorta excited to have September be my last month of working every weekend too. But, for 8.25/hour it's really not worth it. I'm afraid to start a new second job, but for me, the year 2007 has a theme. It's called changes. Get use to it.

They finally hired two new people at the police station. They only need three. Three shifts. Ideally, four, so there is one person to cover for days off. I just need a couple hundred so 2 weekends is fine with me. It might have worked out but looks like I'm outtie. We'll see what happens when I go in tomorrow, but it's looking as though I'm putting in my one week notice. I mean gee, I only told them over a month ago I needed the weekend off, and that I had a plane ticket. Fucking ignorant. Wonder why it is there's such a high turnaround there?

Why is it that my brother is still staying with me? Um, he needs not be hooked up to a machine. He's able to work part time. No visiting nurse. Oh, yea, that's right, he is too lazy to clean his house so he is making it take weeks when it could be done in a weekend. I forgot! Silly me.

P.S. Bye-bye Jen. I won't miss you on Big Brother!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

And Then I Got More Good News...

Last night I was so grateful for the night to myself. It ended up being only a couple of hours after I worked out, got a bath, got the mail, it was 9:00 and I really only had an hour to myself. But I did do the following things...

I worked out better, because I was able to push myself more, and make stupid grunting noises and not feel stupid. I did a lot more butt work, because seriously, who wants to be on all-fours in front of their brother? I took off my clothes when I was done working out, and announced to the pets that I was walking around naked. All the while giggling. I got a bath, with the door open, so I could have the a/c cool me off, and I could listen to the TV. This is my most favorite single-living thing to do. Besides, walking around naked.

I got my clothes on, and walked the dog to get the mail. I was super excited to find my new Fitness magazine (thanks to Kat's 2-for-1 subscription!) in my box! I ran upstairs, turned off the TV and layed on my couch in the peace and quiet, and read my magazine. Cover to cover. Did I mention I had quiet time. With no TV? Yea. I did. I found all sorts of yummy recipes, and tips.

After this, I went down to weigh myself. I thought, it's been two weeks, and I really honestly thought I probably put on a couple pounds. Guess what? I didn't. I lost 3 more lbs! I'm up to 27 lbs lost! Almost 30!! My first goal I set is 35lbs. I am setting this as my goal for vacation. I can do that in two weeks if I change up some workouts. It's only 8lbs.. No problem! I've never stuck it thru the rough patches before , I'm proud of myself! I didn't give up! I've had weeks of not losing anything, gaining, and hating working out to the point I would cuss up a storm at the thought of it. It really does all pass if you keep up with it. It's not a lie.

I was really tempted to weigh myself this morning, because I probably weigh a pound less in the morning. But, I didn't! I figured, it'll be that much of a suprise the next time I weigh in!
After this excitement, I ran up and down my stairs 20 times, for more exercise, chanting, I lost 27 pounds! I lost 27 pounds! The cats all ran to hide from me. I told them, I lost more than their combined total weight! Ideally, I'd like to lose 50 more. Which maybe will be easier. It really seems like I lost nothin for months, and now, it's all happening.

I watched Anchorwoman, and just started the Sweet 16 food challenge, and here comes the brother. pfffft. The good news is he goes back on Friday. I am off tomorrow night. And, I don't want to have to haul his freaking ass around! I seriously doubt he's making any progress at his house either. He said his leg didn't bother him but he had a hard time breathing in the heat. Well, I said, you've laid around for 3 months, it'll get easier.

Speaking of work. My boss pulled me into an office yesterday. She asked if I'd posted for the executive secretary position in my department. I said no. I havn't been here a year and I didn't know if I'd like it. She said the only way to know is to post and interview for it. I said yea...then she said that it's along the lines of her knowing my capeabilities, and wanting me to advance. It pays more, just slightly more than I made at my last job I was just complaining about. It's a bigger discount, wink wink...I just don't love the guys I'd work for. Or the manager. Same department, but different. Me hate-um big change. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

You Think You Got It Bad...

Well I finally got my damned hair done. I went a lot darker with the glaze too cus it keeps lightening up too much. So, it's a big change but it wont last. I guess I forgot what it was like to have such dark hair. Seeing how I havn't tanned in weeks (thanks to my brother) I think I look too pasty. Not loving it. Need. Tanning. Bed. *siiiiiiigh* I can maybe get 10 visits for $10 if I find a coupon for the place by home. It's better than nothing.

Something about going to the shop that's like therapy. I dunno, it's a girl thing. You talk about your problems, and get a whole new perspective on life. One where there seems to be hope, and you think maybe good things will come to you. Then, your stylist feels bad for your being poor (cus she charges you $80 for your hair) and does your eyebrows for free. She called it "contributing to my fund". I told her she might be on to something, and I should start a change drive. Of course, we are forbidden from any sort of fund-raising at work. It's kinda nice I never have to be guilted into buying gift wrap, or girl scout cookies though. You take the good with the bad.

You know, she also told me I need to stop stressing, because I'm losing my hair up front. Cus, that's always what you wanna hear. I knew I was losing more hair than usual, but I didn't think it was noticeable. I'm going bald. And she found a really long gray hair. Long. I said, I don't ever want to know when you find the again. Thanks to my brother. I'm sure CP didn't help either. Men..get off my fucking nerves!

Speaking of the brother, I dropped his butt off at home this morning. He's going to work at 6pm. He asked did I want to take him in the morning, or after work. What the fuck do you think? I enjoy the hour drive or what? The best part? The absolute dream about it all????? He is working for his boss while he is bowling. Bowling will last until at LEAST 10. Then, he is supposedly bringing him home. The last part may not happen. But the part where I get at least FOUR hours of ALONE time? Me time? No one but ME time? That part is true!!! I havn't been alone since May. I love to be alone. I like my damn space!

I remember when I was a youngin' and I hated to be alone. I guess it was worse than that, I was clingy and pathetic. I never thought I would enjoy my own company. Now, I can't stand not having it. Shit, I love me! So what? Now, if I could only be sitting at home, with a glass of wine. That would be the ideal. But I can't have such things at home, cus the whole bottle would be gone in a matter of seconds of the brother being home. God....I can't wait to live alone again! Remind me of this, when he is gone, and then I bitch cus im lonley. Being a woman, I reserve the right to not know what the hell I want.

That's not true. I know what I want. I want to be in love.
Things may be looking up. Even Big Brother made me happy. If they get rid of Jen, we wont have to hear every week "Hi *insert name here* it's Jeeennn" I always want to punch her when she says that. Looking at you, wouldn't give anyone the slightest clue that you are in fact "Jennn". I don't love Amber, but I think Zach should go home first. If Jen goes home this week I might officially say life's getting better.

Then, just when you think life sucks, something horrible happens someplace else. Most of the people I use to work with lost their jobs too. That place sucks a fat ass. When I heard what happened, I got sick to my stomach. Sure, it's happened to me, but you never forget how horribly scarey it is. I guess they get a week or so to work still. Which, was way better than my 4:20 meeting to say "you're outta here". Theres a position open in my department, I've recommended one girl already for. The money sure aint the same, but it's better than average for starting over!

14 days to Edwin. And...de plane. See, life's not so bad! Right?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Well, in honor of my brother costing me a fortune. And, my ongoing effort to consolidate into one job, I had to downgrade my cable. Again. For a savings of $20 a month, I get the regular channels. Not regular as in lifetime, and TBS, regular as in ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX. Oh, I also get God TV. I know you're jealous don't pretend you aren't. If you want, I could Tivo some for you. Seriously, I get 40 channels. No one I know only gets 40 channels. I am honestly choking back tears thinking about this. Don't laugh. I'm totally serious! It's my one luxury! The sad part is that Tivo records dead air on all my favorite programs because I refuse to delete them off my season pass. Some day, I'll grow up and have my channels back. I will miss you:
The Real World
Mind Control with Darren Brown
Criss Angel Mind Freak
Flipping Out
The Parker
Flip This House
Gene Simmons Family Jewels
The Two Coreys
Scott Baio is 45 and Single
Ghost Hunters
Dog Whisperer
It's Me or The Dog
Rock of Love...I think I'll miss you most of all!
and about 25 other shows, I can no longer record!

You may or may not wonder, why I always complain about being poor. Well, I use to make $9,000 more a year at my previous full-time job. Plus, I made $18 grand a year at my second job. Then, I got $460 tax free dollars in rent from the ex. Which is practically a millionaire if you take into consideration last year after I paid my bills, I had 1400 a month left . See why I'm hating life? Boy, those were the days. It's suprising, I didn't do more with that money. Like, pay off my fucking credit cards. Go on a trip. I did however, carry a balance of a grand in the bank. And, I had a lot of shopping days at Bath and Body. I always had my hair done. And my pets were happy. *sigh*

I'm thinking I need to get a new car. I'm sure that I can get a newer car, for less a month. I have a fucking 19% interest rate on that loan! You tell me internets, should I keep the car, for 1 year and 3 months and never afford anything until it's paid off, or save instantly, not have to pay a payment for a month, and save around $50 a month in a payment. $50/mo a loooooootta money to poor girls. I can also save $40 a month getting rid of my brother, in electric. Another $40 if I didn't have to pay his phone bill. That fucker is costing me $80 in bills alone! Asshole!

I watched an episode of Intervention where a girl was a prostitute. I seriously pondered how much she must make to afford to do crack 10 times a day. Can you really make money as a prostitute? I guess I don't need any more problems. I'd wind up being a crack whore to numb the pain. *sigh* Nevermind.

I know there are people worse off than me. I mean, I do have a nice home. A nice car. Decent things. But, I'm just tired of struggling. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea to try to find a cheaper place to live. Closer to work. (current travel time 30 min one way) I just like living 'in the country'. It's peaceful. I can have fires. And I don't have to have a stupid E-check. Which you may or may not know, is where they hook up your car to a machine and charge you money to run the shit out of it. Then you can't renew your tags until it passes. I suppose there is one other county I could move and still skip the E check, and be closer to work. Only, those we don't speak of (the ex) lives there.

Maybe it also makes more sense why I desperatly wanted CP to be a good roomate. I'm fucking poor. I sooooo wish I could win the lottery. Then I could go to all the banks, and credit card companies that turned me down, and charge me out the ass, a-la pretty woman style, and flash my money and leave. Yea, if dreams really came true, that's how I'd want it to go down.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

If I were a bitch this wouldn't have happened....

But, it's 9:00 on Saturday night, shouldn't you be at home, resting for another night of working? Funny you should ask. Yes, I should. Instead, I'm fucking working. The day shift girl called off, and we are expected to cover the shifts. Nevermind that I worked til 7 am after working my day job 8-5. They called me like five times starting at noon. Hello? I'm fucking sleeping. Then their messages got more ridiculous "you need to call back, you have to come in early". Ok, so it's ok to call YOU at 4 a.m.? What's the difference I was trying to get my fucking 8 hours sleep. I woke up nauseus. I feel like shit. I didn't work out. I feel more like shit. I'm exhausted. I got nothing done at home.

Now, we have to wear uniforms. They also think I'm buying new pants, and being "reimbursed" for them. Instead of buying two pair of pants at $30 (who the fuck can find two pair of pants for $30, are we living in 1982?) I submitted to the major, a printout of my bank account balance. At 32 cents. Yes. I did. I let him know that I have plenty of black, and khaki pants to wear to work, and if I have to buy new ones to look like someone elses, I need to be advanced the money. I think that they forget we make $8.25/hour or something. Consider this phase 2 in my becoming a bitch, and getting everything I want.

I'm applying at Dillard's Monday. Girl I work with makes $9/hr there. She's been there 3 months and got a 15% raise. I'll have to work more often, but you know what? I'll be off work at 9pm. No working 11-7. I can go OUT on the weekend. This place can fuck clean off, and love it. I'm tired of being treated like a God damned peice of shit. I know, they aren't going to let me off to go to VA in Sept. so, I need a back up job, when I ditch this hell hole. It's not my fault they fired some skank for screwing officers, and have not replaced her in 2 months. No one wants to work here, because of how they treat you.

Speaking of work. One of my coworkers, got $100 cash Friday from one of her VP's cus she is having money trouble. "A gift". Money trouble? I'm the president and CEO! Oh, guess what? She's a bitch to her VP 99% of the time. I am a sweet girl. Things that you hear me say at work; "I'll handle it". "No Problem". "Absolutley." "You need that now? Sure thing!" "It's wrong? Let me check into it, and get back with you".
Things you hear her say at work; "No". "You're wrong". "I didn't do it". "I can't possibly handle that I'm swamped." On top of this, she's online all day, and making personal calls.

Last night, a guy gets hauled in about 4 a.m. for driving drunk. Plus he had a lot of cocaine. His female passenger sits in the lobby for a half an hour. She asks to use the restroom. Then she comes up to the window and starts tapping on the mic (which is a bagillion decibles in my little room mind you. And I'm sitting right in front of it, I could see her dumb ass standing there)

Bitch: "excuuuuuuuse me, I'm not under arrest or nothin, I jus' wanna go home. Aint y'all got somebody you can call to take me home or somethin, cus it's cold here, and I don't care what HE do (waving to the video monitor of the man she came in with in the back room) I wan' go home."

Me: (as polite as one can be at 5 a.m.) "do you need to use a phone to call someone?" I mean what the fuck do I look like? A travel agent?

Bitch: "NO!, I aint got nobody to call. I aint got no money, he came to pick ME up, I didn't pick him up, and now I aint got no ride home."

Me: (still polite) "There's a phone in that room over there you can use"

Bitch: (louder still) "I said i aint got nobody to call! You aint got nobody I can complain to?"

Me: (thinking, watch this bitch get a ride home) "I'll see if the sergeant is available to talk to you".

The sergeant comes out and she is just as rude to him. He asks her a few times if she wants a cab, she has no friends etc...Then he leaves to go make some calls. Long story short, the bitch got a police ride home at 5:30 am cus she was a bitch. No one else gets a police ride home. It's like a special detail, they have to be dispatched for that. Oh well, at least she waved goodbye to me. My work here is done.

Do you see what I mean though? Bitchy girls get everything? Check with me next year when I'm married to a billionaire who adores me, because I told him to. Laugh it up, I've only discovered the secret to life.

Kat sent me a cute link. If you like cats, then you'll love cats in sinks. Kittums just love the sink!

Up Up and Away..

I'm not usually one to admit this, especially publicly, but maybe prayer does work? I had a few people tell me latley that
they have been praying for me. Either it was prayer, or the mass of tears, or the slightly bitchy letter I left for my brother. But something happened. I went home from work yesterday, and my house was clean. Clean. Swept, dusted, straightened. Dishes washed, floor swept and mopped, clean. I didn't do it. I went home, to a clean house. Men of the world, note-this is the best thing you can do for a woman! I told him it looked nice and thanked him.

He also called his friend/boss about coming back to work. Then, he asked if I could take him home so he could talk to his friend about his hours, and use his car to go to the Dr. today. I said I would, and I dropped his happy ass off before work.

I have to work midnights tonight (shocker) so I told him to be ready at 5, cus I had to get home and go to bed. To top off my good news of last evening, I spent some time with someone. A few hours. He tried to explain the foosball (football) to me, cus I told him all it did was make sexual references. Which, it does. I also told him I'm turning over a new leaf, and becoming a bitch, because bitchy girls always get what they want. I told him about what my brother did, and used it as a reference. He told me that wasn't true, I should start with not being a push-over and learning when to say no. I told that someone, he sure thought he was a smart cookie.

CP called me on the way to his house. I felt bad cus I couldn't talk long, but you know what? That's not my fault. I told him where I was and that I had to go when I got there. I can't stop living my life for him. See, I'm already on my way to being a good bitch!

20 days until I fly solo. On a real live plane. I'm not much for flying. I thought it was fun the one other time I did it, with my husband. 11 years ago. Before terrorists. People fly every day and don't die. Right? I am all grown up now. That doesn't mean that I'm not terrified of the flight. I had many options of when I could leave, but the only other flight that arrived in VA before noon stopped in NY first. I opted to leave at 5 a.m. to avoid this. Is it wrong that I'm still afraid of NY cus of terrorists?

I'll be paying on that flight from here to eternity at 60% interest. (I get 29, and 29% monthly on my wonderful card!) But you know what? I'll see my Edwin at the beach, oh yea, and my sister, and I will be away from my problems for a few days. Sounds like heaven. Maybe I'll stay.

Vacation always reminds me of that movie What About Bob. When Bill Murray say "I'm on vacation, a vacation from my PROOOBLEMS!"

P.S. Who's pissed off about Big Brother? *spoiler* They sent Dustin home? Dustin? I am really upset about the way this game is headed. Danielle is HOH? Could it be any worse America? I don't think so. Her and Dick will not honor any word they gave to anyone, but go around calling everyone LIARS. I hate them. If I wasn't addicted, I'd boycot the fucking show.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Momma Had a Baby and it's head popped off....

Picture the Flintstones, when Fred would get so pissed off his head turned brigt red, and smoke came out of his ears and he screamed "WILLLLMA!!". This is me, only I'm screaming "brotherrrrrrr!". Snap your seatbelts, this is a long ride.

I tried to call my sister at lunch yesterday, and it called customer service. I thought, I still have her number programmed wrong, which I did over the weekend and fixed. Then I got a voicemail and went to get it, and it directed me to the finance department at Sprint. So, I'm thinking right away, those assholed charged me for the phones again! Something isn't right. I got online to view my bill, and there, it says I owe $312. Guess what my balance was as of August 2nd? $0!!!

So, immediatly I tell the lady, (who was an American - yay!) my phone is shut off for the second
time this month. My bill is paid and to read the notes about what has been going on.
She looks into it, and isn't sure that I was charged for. She said it looks like internet usage. I said can you tell me what that usage is? Cus, I don't use the internet. She said she couldn't but customer care probably could, but it was to my second line, for 7,000 some-odd kb downloaded at .03 cents per kb. My god damned brother. I was charged, $226 for him using the internet. In TEN DAYS.

I told him not to use the interet. Do you think he listned to me? I mean seriously, am I really a fucking moron? I took a big hit getting let go from my last job. This is why I work a second job, to "live on". I have everything budgeted to the penny. I have my whole budget layed out each pay day all the way to January. I'm serious about my bills, and paying stuff off. Having my brother there, I have to pay for his cigarettes, his food, his pills, his dr appts, (which thankfully sometimes I get help with that stuff)and the increased electric bill from having the TV, A/C,
lights on 24 hours a day. I had to drive 120 miles (150 if you include my trip TO work) taking him to and from the Dr. the other day. Half a tank of gas. $15. I use a tank a week, and now theres an extra half I can't afford.

I have finally reached my breaking point. Mentally, I've flipped my lid. And, he has the nerve to complain about things still. Honestly, working 7 days a week is killing me. Working out 5 days a week, constantly picking up after him, and 6 pets. It's taking it's toll. I'm wearing very thin. I need out. I can't do it. Now, I have to worry about my landlord selling the apartment building and the liklieness of my rent increasing, or my having to leave due to having pets. It's all too much. I've gone and lost complete control over my life.

I tried to have him removed from my account. Sure, for a $200 fine. So, then, I'd owe 426 to no fault of my own. So I did the next best thing, which was took his texting away, and his internet usage. My boss told me you could do that, I had no idea. So, I have my phone on for 1 week pending a payment. I can pay the $26 to get it under 200. But at the end of August, it'll shoot up to $280 because the regular bill is due again. I can't express how much I hate my brother right now.

I almost always have money in the bank. The last two months I 've been hanging by a thread. I came home, shaking, upset, crying, and told him everything. He sat there and looked shocked. He had nothing to say except "I didn't buy a game". I brought up how I'm doing all I can for him. I have 32 cents in the bank, and no end in sight. I can't just shit out 226 bucks! Some of us give a shit about our lives, and don't just let things happen.

Do you think he even said he was sorry? Do you think he asked me, if I was ok? No. He said nothing. He didn't even look at me. I went on and on about how he has to figure out his life, he needs to go back to work, or get fired and collect unemployment, cus I can't do it anymore. I've helped him all I can. I'm done. I said no more cigarettes, no more food. The buck stops here. I've never once complained to him about doing everything I've done, I've felt like well, he's family.

But It is to the point that he is taking advantage of me. I was up all night crying for five
straight hours. I talked to all my friends. Then, CP called me. I got just as hysterical with him, and he said that he felt bad because he knows he did the same thing to me. At least he's getting help. I can't even get my brother to admit he is a depressed alchoholic. CP told me I helped him in a lot of ways. Because I kept saying "I work so hard, and I get shit on, this is the thanks I get". I don't feel like I helped him. I told him jail is why he is in rehab. Regardless he did get me to eventually stop crying.

I'm mad at myself, because this isn't me. I'm better than this. I am proud of my independance, and strength, and here I am being weak. Letting someone else control my emotions. I can't change it. All I can do is change my reaction to it. I want to punch him in the fucking face, for using his FREE THANKS TO HIS SISTER cell phone to download buttloads of crap. He's so ungrateful, unfeeling, and ignorant. He has some serious personal issues, that need to be addressed by someone other than myself.

Since I got nowhere, I wrote him a letter. I told him everything I have done, and how he needs to figure his own life out, and that we all care about his well being, even if he doesn't. And I took the remote. I know he'll still watch TV but he wont be laying there flipping channels on my couch all day. You would think that if your sister were so horribly hurt by something you did, you might maybe think, well gee...I should help her out as best I can. Maybe, do my dishes or something. No. He didn't do a thing.

He's fucked up in the head and I'm sick and tired of dealing with alchoholics/drug addicts/assholes. It's time for a change, and I'm the only one who can do it. I choose not to deal with people like him anymore. I feel so guilty over it too. But, I can't make him change. I can't make him care, he is just like any other addict I've dealt with, and they are all the same...belive me on that. They lose their ability to have emotions, or care about anyone or anything but their addictions. Being my brother doesn't exclude him from that.

I didn't make him the way he is. And I can't make him better. I can only do what I can do and I've done more than I can, and now I'm paying the price. Mostly, I'm mad at myself for saying things like "I want to die" "my life sucks" "im getting nowhere" "i keep getting shit on" "i hate how my life is". That's not me. I'm letting his actions tear me down. I'm better than that.

What I am sick and fucking tired of, is working. It isn't like, I'm pissing away my money. Or not working. Living off the system. I work 7 days a freaking week, and I'm still struggling, because I have a dependant who is 34! I barely get to have any fun. I'm always at work. I'm tired of it. I've worked two jobs the last 3 years of my life. When do I get to have a life? I need to figure shit out. Because this road I'm on is paved with shit.

My boss gave me the # to the Employee assistance program. I'm going to call them to see what I can do with my brother. Someone has got to know something. She keeps telling me she refuses to believe there is nothing we can't make him do given his history. She's really nice. We talked for about an hour today about yesterday.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Walking On Sunshine.....

I thought maybe I'd take a break in the bitching about life, and talk about something positive. Like the fact that I "had a visitor" last night. *Applause* I needed something to boost the old morale. Lift the spirits. I've been down this road before, so it isn't a new notch in the old bed post. It was fun to see someone I hadn't seen in forever, cus then it's a suprise when you have a new body! And, he definatly noticed! Sometimes it's fun to act like a boy. What's good for the
goose, is good for the gander, and all that mess. I had my company at my house. I'm a single gal, and I don't need anyone cramping my style. It's bad enough I'm walking around with 1 1/2" dark roots for God's sake.

You may have missed me yesterday. You may have cared less if I posted at all. But I was super busy, it's month-end and I have work crawling out of my eyeballs. I had to work through my lunch yesterday, as to not have too much unpaid time off. I left 2 hours early to take the boy to the Dr. Which didn't go so well, but I'm saving that bitch session for another day cus trust me, I'm pretty fucking pissed! There is about to be an explosion at my house, and it involves me, screaming obsceneties.

The good thing about it, is I found a potential plastic surgeon for my breast lift at his Dr. office. They have easy payment options. It's a really nice place, and everyone in town seems to know my brother's plastic surgeon, so his office must be pretty darned good. Not to mention he has like 10 locations. You don't get 10 locations when you suck. Of course, I'll look around before committing, as of now, I'm merely dreaming. But, it will be done. Along with some restalyn shots. Shut up. I wanna be young as long as I can. You know, for that 50 year old man I'll have to marry.

How about Big Brother? America, get your heads out your asses, and don't make Eric vote out Dustin. If I have to look at Dick's smug face another week, I might vomit. He was fun for a while, but having watched the stuff on Youtube, where he tells Dustin he'd fuck him in the ass until he bleeds? I think he's gone too far. Big Brother warned him twice about his threats, they were that bad. Enough is enough! Kick him out!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Washed Up..

While I was working this weekend, I took a break from U-tubing and reading scripts of Big Brother 8 long enough to update my Match.com profile. You know, for shits and giggles. I searched for guys my age in the area, and know what I found? I'm too old for guys my age. They all want women 21-28. Grown men at 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36. I swear! And you notice, I'm 31, and my age range went up to 36? I think I need to find me an 18 year old man. Why am I washed up at my age? Why do I have to date a man in his 40's? See why I don't do the internet dating thing? I'm already depressed about it.

CP signed up to do this sample thing in stores. You know, "would you like to try....." those people are from another company. I signed up but they never called me back. He had some jobs coming up but of course, he's in rehab, and can't do them. I opened up the boxes from his back to school promotion. Inside, I found 250 bags of microwaveable hamburger helper. Just add water. I took them upstairs and put them right in my pantry. I'm not the one going down for it, he is. Fuckit. In about a week, my brother will be bitching that "all i have to eat is hamburger helper" I'd love to kick him in the fucking nads for real you have no idea. None.

When I got home Sunday, He'd eaten half a carton of ice cream, three burritos, a box
of hamburger helper, half a loaf of bread and half the egg salad I made. That is from the hours of 11pm-7am when most normal people would be sleeping. I don't get it. Im not buying anything anymore. I kind of chuckled to myself as he had the massive sweaty shits all night last night. I thought, thats what you get. I'm not mean. You take him for a week. Please.

The landlord calls me last night. She says "the bank needs to come thru your apartment, it's routine and they do it every so often. Your apartment is one of the ones they want to see". What is so special about my apartment? Why didn't my neighbor/friend get a call? Why is this the second time in a year the landlord had "the bank" come thru the complex? Why did she move to North Carolina? This can only mean, she is either A) raising the rent. Again. or B) selling the joint. I'm betting she is selling it. Either way, I'm fucked. I have not even $10 saved up. I can't move, and I can't pay more in rent. Somethings gotta give. And I'm thinking, it's buying shit for my brother. Period. I'm totally freaked out about moving. My lease is up in March, if she raises the rent again, I have no choice but to leave.

God please send my brother back to work. I'm begging.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

You Might Be Having A Bad Night If....

You are hauled into the police station in your bridesmaid dress. Sobbing all alone in the lobby, while you wait for your parents to come from 45 minutes away to pick you up. It might be worse if the secretary on duty, plays on the internet instead of maybe asking if you are ok. My job description did not say babysitter. Yet, this is the second person I've had to watch cry in the lobby. The sergeant picked this chick up drunk, walking down the street. He says her friends left her. After paying all that money for a bridesmaid's dress? Which BTW, is tiffany blue, with black buttons down the back, and a silk black sash, it's sooo cute! I'd never talk to my friends again. Betches.....

Speaking of betches, I got another letter from CP from rehab. I think he is on the step where you tell the truth to make yourself feel better, and make those you lied to feel even more like shit for trusting you. I don't have much to say about it, cus we really weren't together since last October. We were just friends.

Turns out, he stole more than he told me about. He dated two chicks he never told me about. I think it bothers me cus he professed his every-lasting love for me while steadily seeing other people. I never said I still loved him. I told him quite the opposite. But I still never told him about someone still being in the picture. I think I selfishly liked the attention. Sue me. Not to mention, the thing with someone is probably not going anywhere anyhow. He really wants to see me. But, I'm not ready for that just yet. He doesn't deserve to see me. (this is where you say I'm totally right)

Well, last night I went to the bar with Kat. There is a boy I think is cute that is there, and he is newly single. Single=good.

This is the billionth time I've had to buy food for me and my brother. Today I told him "I don't have the money to keep buying food, so make it last" I think he just assumes my Mom sends me money every week or something. Does he really have no concept of how much food he eats, and how much it costs? Seriously?

Then, he complains because I had ground turkey and no beef, and how it has no flavor. I mean, if I was staying somewhere for free, where everything was given to me, and someone picked up after me, bought my food, prescriptions, toted me around, while they worked two jobs and were never home, would I really have the balls to complain that the meat provided for me was of the wrong species?


Friday, August 10, 2007

Where I Brag Some More...

Last night I was on pins and needles during Big Brother. I couldn't wait to see the look on Dick's face when Eric didn't go home. I was screaming, laughing, rejoicing. I love my TV programs. I loved that they didn't get their way. They all voted Nick out, but want to blame it on Eric. It's unfair. The Amber and Eric fight was no way near as cool as the fights everyone has with Jen. I so wish I had showtime to watch after dark. The fight with Jameka and Dick at the end looked like it was going to be juicy!

I didn't have a chance to update at lunch. I went to Old Navy to take back a skirt I got to wear to the store this week and never wore. Since, I happened to fit into a skirt I already had. Thankyouverymuch. I exchanged my skirt for two pairs of pants that fit me without a hangy crotch and butt. I got a cute pair of khaki cords, and a new pair of black pants. Go ahead and ask me what size pants I got? 14. I'm the size of the average American woman. I havn't been for years. I was way bigger than that. So, I'm rockin the size 14.

However, I still wear larger in some clothes for instance, the pair of jeans I just got into for the first time in over a year today, are larger, but way smaller. That whole, girls wear 15 different sizes rule. Love it. So, even though for another week, the scale has not BUDGED, I'm losing something. I hate the scale.

Speaking of the scale and not losing weight. I didn't work out yesterday. I came up with the best excuse ever, there were bad storms and tornados. I decided if it was my last day on earth I didn't want to be working out. The downside is, the night is long, when you dont spend 2 hours working out. I was sorta bored. Lesson learned.

I'm off tonight! YAHOOOOO! I work tomorrow night. Bleh. I feel guilty, that I am going out tonight for a drink. I yearn for the carefree days when I could go out whenever I pleased and answer to no one. But no, my brother will guilt me into taking him or something and I can barely afford to go out myself. I also feel bad, that I 'm getting my hair done August 21. Know when
was the last time I got my hair done? May. I can't go every month cus I have to spend extra money on my brother. I had to wait 3 weeks when I called to make the appointment! I work 56
hours a week, 7 days a week for God's sake! Stop with the guilt!

Wanna know when my brother goes back to work? Me too. His boss and his bosses wife both called him yesterday. You think he's even asking the Dr. an ETA? I doubt that! Tell him you
have no income? Hello?

I'm going to be working at the old Po Po station tomorrow. Big whoop. I fucking hate that place. But I need the money. I forgot to say that last weekend, they drug a boy in for drunk driving, and he tested below the limits on the breathalizer when they hauled him in. He literally jumped up and down, and did a dance. It was the hilight of my evening. The only reason he got off was the guy was new and couldn't do the machine on his own, and by the time the K-9 guy got there to do it, he could've sobered up. He'd been in the station for 45 minutes, plus the drive time in the car. Lucky bastard.

Speaking of bastards. I talked to CP on Monday, and Wednesday. He seems to be doing good. Not much to say about it. Havn't heard from someone in a while. I think people say stuff to him about a relationship with me, and he backs off. I wish people would keep their noses out-my-bizzzness already!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Old Man is Snoring...

It sure is raining. I stood outside under a patio umbrella, with my own umbrella up, and still managed to get soaked up to my knees. That addiction thing is pretty sick! It's rained pretty much every day, but yet, the humidity is still 100% and it's 90 degrees. I've had it. This is Ohio.

Does anyone watch Mind Control with Derren Brown? This show is pretty awesome. It's some of the stuff Criss Angel does on Mindfreak, without the "magic" aspect. Derren will get people to give him their belongings, and think nothing of it until they leave his presence. On one episode he planted subliminal messages into a sleep study, and woke the man up, to see his own dream. He said he was dreaming about sheep, in a hospital, and he created that scenerio, and the guy was pretty freaked out when he woke up into his dream. He can get people to stop on the street by willing them to do so. He also has regular people do it too. It's some Jedi mind trick shit.

He claims he has no psychic ability, and it's just his ability to read people. It sort of makes me re-think my whole belief in psychics at all. Same with Criss Angel. You should really check out Derren Brown, it's amazing.

I love love loved the new Real World. Those bastards were at Bondi Beach in Australia. Um, who wants to go to Bondi Beach? I do! It is on the trip itinerary that I want to take to Australia. Freaking bastards! Plus, the people are gonna be fighting all the time. I love me some TV drama!

I'm still loving Big Brother. I really don't want Eric to go home. Dick and Danielle are pissing me off. I hate when people act cocky like they have shit in the bag. That's when people need to turn the tables, and piss them right off. I can't wait to see what happens tonight! Although, it's raining so they will likely cut into the whole fucking thing with weather reports.

Sadly, the most exciting thing going on with me is TV. Oh, aside from the fact that I got 3 points away from being "exceeds all expectations" on my mid-year review. What I have to work on is proofing. My boss told me I have the demeanor and technical ability to go places with this company. I can't wait to get there, and I sure hope the pay is good.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Where I Love My Cushy Desk-Job....

Uh, retail. Yea, so, I'm exhausted. Let me say that I am happy with my career path. The one where I get to come into the air conditioning, have a fan on if I want. Wear sandals, without pantyhose, and pants. Drink all the water I want, sit down, pee when I need to. Surf the internet on lunch, and have access to email. Not listen to the general public scream, and yell, and watch mall walkers. I did learn that there are an incredible amount of people that don't work during the day, and have an incredible amount of jewelry. Bastards.

I liked learning how they make a sale. How they prepare for customer events. Why it's important for instance, that I keep the store list up-to-date. I do that report every week, and I don't realize just how many people use it. How they divide up their daily sales among all the employees. How it's sometimes difficult to make sales, with all of the other things they have to do.

I had fun too, I got to pretend that I was getting engaged, and my coworker was my best friend. We had a presentation of one of our *exclusive to my company so I wont name it here* diamonds. I picked out a 1.5 carat princess cut, because we didn't have emerald (my fave). I found out all the interesting facts that come with a certified diamond. I got to look at it under the gemscope, and how to spot flaws, vs. natural creations in a diamond. The sales girl was sad that in the end I opted for a 1 carat ring, because 1.5 was just too much. I did pair it with a really nice band though, that had lots of pretty sparklies. We also got to go around the store on a scavenger hunt and find 1 of each gemstone, and gold or silver peice. Then since it wasn't busy, we got to see the numbers so we could have our employee store look the price up for us.

At the end of the day, my feet were numb. My thighs were burning from the pantyhose/being hot/walking so much. I think the ladies know what I mean....? I learned just how powerful my position is, being the assistant to the VP. I guess I take it for granted. I like that every single VP in my department, started at a store as a sales associate. I think this is why they are so cool, and down to earth. Working your way up should be the only way to go in any company.

The best part? I went OUT for lunch. To Ruby Tuesdays. I had a turkey burger, and white cheddar mashed potatos. I wish I could eat that forever. As I sit here and eat my ravioli with no sauce, and hard-boiled egg.

I feel bad for all of you that have to work with the public every day. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand, dress up, be pushy, or polite for 8 hours a day. Today, I had a field partnership class when I got back to the office, which pretty much went over what I learned at the store. It was another required class.

We did an activity where we split into groups and had 1 color lego in each group. Each lego group had a certain rule. Ours, was not to give our lego to the distributor, until he asked three times. Another was each person had to touch the lego first. Another had to wait 15 seconds after they were asked to give a lego. Another group, had to get the legos from each of us to make 1 part with 3 colored legos. In the end we each said the other was difficult to work with. The distributor didn't know why he didn't get the legos when he asked for them, and he was frustrated, as were we, because he didn't know we HAD to make him ask three times. In the end, it taught us that we have rules we have to adhere to, that the field doesn't understand. It was a neat way to learn that.

And then, today, I have my mid-year review. We have a LOT of reviews here. And a LOT of feedback, but I like it. The other meetings are just one-on-ones. This is an actual review. Where I am scored and stuff.

Monday, August 06, 2007

You Know I'm Bad...

You should all know, that I am a force to be reckoned with. I got my phones for free this weekend. They came to my house on Friday, and I trucked my ass to the Sprint store to return them. Guess what is in their store for free? The same fucking phones. Guess what is on their website for free? The same fucking phones. Seriously? I didn't have to do much. They didn't make the mistake, and credited my account. Some other company called me, and 'acted like Sprint' which is apparently legal, since they sell Sprint phones. Good to know. Especially good to know, since they asked for the password to my account like Sprint does.

After that, I spent 30 minutes on hold with Sprint and was disconnected. Then, I spent another 30 minutes to get them connected, and be certain that I hadn't been charged. To accomplish this task, I had me and my brothers phones dialed in to customer service simultaneously, while I gave my dog a bath.

Mine is red, like this picture. So far, I suppose it's ok. it's smaller than a playing card. No antannea. It says there is a speaker phone but it's in some settings, not an easy access button. I don't like the buttons because they are flush, and make for hard texting. It has some cute screen savers, and animated menus. Theres also a camera, which takes shitty photos, but that's what a real camera is for.

I miss all my awesome ringers. How will I know when my booty call is ringing, without my Beyonce's "Naughty Girl"? No more Madonna. Edwin. Linkin Park. 50 Cent. Kelly Clarkson. Justin Timberlake. All gone. And I can't get them free anymore either, the site I used is not free. Anyone else know of free sites? I'm not above pirating. Wait, yes I am. It's illegal. I was just foolin'!

Saturday morning I was a good little girl, and I went on a bike ride before I got my snoozes from my double shift. I figured the morning is the best since it wasn't 150 degrees. And there wouldn't be many people out. I could be done with my workout and do what I had to get done for the day when I got up.

Apparently, this is also when super-marathon bikers are out. I'm trucking along at a nice pace, not too fast, not too slow. I hear "passing on the left" you know, the normal thing to say when you pass someone. As this dickhead passes he says "Stop swerving, Jesus Christ, do these people swerve like this in their cars?" Say wha? Last time I checked I was on the fucking towpath trail. Wide enough for 4 bikers wide. I wasn't swerving, and I was right along the right side almost in the grass. Eat it asshole. I decided I was going to flick him off when he came back my way. Superbike was going 15 mph and said his peice in passing.

He didn't ruin my day. It was pretty peaceful and riding alone gave me a chance to work on my form. Form? On a bike? yea, I learned this from Rachel. Paying close attention to keep myself straight, even peddling, steady pace. This apparently, works your entire body out. Instead of moving side to side when I pedal, It forced me to use my abs to sit still on top. Ouch. Good workout though! I forced myself to stay in low (high? whichever is harder) gear the entire time too. I also had the opportunity to make stupid scrunchy faces, and talk to myself saying things like "you are made of steel" and "you are strong". What? You don't say those things to yourself?
Poor you then. You are your own best cheerleader.

And, the ex "Z" called me Saturday. I could've gone over for a visit. But instead, I got to work all night. It's probably all for the best anyway. We're exes for a very....very good reason. I won't be online tomorrow. I know, you're so sad! I'll be at the mall. Working in one of our prestigious stores. Ha Ha Ha. Seriously though, I am going to work in a store for the day. It's suppose to help me better assist them when they call in. See, not only do I work for three VP's, I'm also support for the stores for 99% of what they need. Wish me luck. I hate people.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Hell---Ohhhh, Kitty!..

So, I came across this website, while perusing LOL cats when I should have been working at the police station today/last night/whatever the hell you wanna call it.

I love Hello Kitty. I have a Hello Kitty bathroom people. You can buy this shit for your cat. Seriously. I'm fucking jealous.

Now, I'm all for humiliating your pets by dressing them up. I happen to have the perfect cat for this outfit. I want one...so bad. Am I sick? Maybe, but what else are pets for if not to bring you enjoyment? My cat would love it, because putting it on would be a form of attention, and she is all about that attention shit.

Oh, by the way. Have I yet mentioned, how I paid off a credit card today? No? Well get use to it. I'm milking this accomplishment for a long time. Those bastards charged my annual fee of $59 because the balance was only 98 bucks putting it well over $100 again. They didn't foil my plans of paying it off though. That bitch is DONE. Stick a fork in it! Boooo-----yahhhhhh!

Friday, August 03, 2007

No Hablo American-o....

I got a call from Sprint Customer service Tuesday night. Let me first say, I've been with Sprint for 6 years and I've had no problem with them. I have a very cheap monthly payment, because of my ex boyfriend. Every 2 years I sign a new contract, and get a free phone when I do. I always got fast, easy service etc...

So, they call me, stating that it's time to renew my contract, so they are going to send me a new phone, for re-signing a 2 year agreement. Sweet, I think, because I don't have to go to the store now. I got one for my brother also, who is also on my account. It's my brothers birthday so I text him happy b-day this morning, and it comes back with an error.

I call his phone from my work phone, its out of service. So is my phone. I'm pissed. I get online to check my account information, and it says that I owe $226 on my account. My limit is $200 before they shut it off. So, I call Sprint.

Sprint: "your account is over the limit so it was shut off. A payment of $59 was made yesterday, so it will be turned back on in about 20 minutes"

Me: I didn't make a payment yesterday.

Sprint: Somebody did with an American Express card.

Me: I don't even have an Amex card.

Sprint: Someone else who has access to your account did it.

Me: No one else has access to it. I made a payment of $70 on 7/18, which was my total balance. Making my balance 0. My next payment isn't due until 8/27 so, how is my account up to $226 in two weeks?

I went on to tell her the story about the call and the free phones. She read the notes on my account, and told me that I was in fact, charged for the "free phones". They were $200 with a $150 rebate, so $50 per phone.

Me: I don't want them if they aren't free. Stop them from coming to my house. I don't want to deal with the hassel of returning them.

Sprint: I'll write this all in your account, I'll transfer you to customer service to get the phones from coming to your house.

Ok, so I'm then on hold for 20 minutes. Seriously. Waiting for the line to go through. I said to my co-worker, I better not wind up in India after this fucking wait. Cus sometimes, you get to California. Mexicans are way easier to understand than Indians. Um, I think it's cus they live in America. You know, where I reside. Where the headquarters for Sprint is located? Ok?

Who picks up? An Indian. I don't understand a fucking thing but bits and phrases. It went something like this. All with an Indian accent of course.

Indian: "I'm sorry Mohneekah....Mohneekah....Li...Lis...Miss...Mohneekah....May I call you Mohneekah? You certainly don't deserve to go through this. I understand your frustration"

Seriously? Any moron can read a script and repeat word for word what to say. Why exactly is it that they outsource those jobs? Can't you pay some dipshit $8/hour to do that right here in the USA. They make bank over there to read scripts.

Anything I said to this dude, got a scripted answer, meaning, I got nowhere. He didn't understand that I hadn't received the phones, therefore I had no invoice number. No order number. I was mislead, lied to, and I wanted something for it. I said I'm not going thru the inconvenience of returning phones that were suppose to be free.

Indian: "you dont have to pay for these phones, it will be credited to your account"

Me: You don't understand, now, I have to go out of my way to return phones, that were suppose to be free. I have to waste gas and time that I don't have because I was misled.

Indian: I'm sorry Miss Mohneekah, you certainly don't deserve to go through this. He kept putting me on hold to check information. A.k.a "search for new answers in the script" Since I didn't have an order number, he couldn't stop the order from coming to my house.

Me: Someone from your department called my house and solicited my re-signing a contract. They called both my lines, and you are acting like you know nothing about it? Someone needs to tell them not to give false information out to your customers.

But you can't really try to reason with a person who has no idea what you are saying. And follows whatever you say with "I understand your frustration".

An hour and 10 minutes later, I hung up on the stupid bastard. Sure, its not his fault he's stupid. It's Sprint's fault for sending jobs to people in another country and thinking that dealing with them is going to stop people from calling and bitching. uh-uh. Not this girl. I'm calling them back on my own time. And, I'm going to get something for my troubles. I want to be sure they didn't sign me back up for service, because when I do go to sign back up, I need to be without a
contract, to get a phone deal. What's the world come to?

Speaking of the world. Did you hear about that lady who had her 17th kid? Seven-Teen? Natural. Children. All I can think of, is can you imagine what her va-jay-jay looks like? Let's add that to the list, shall we? Reason #857,098,124 not to have kids. They ruin your girlie parts. I firmly believe this is why men with kids cheat. I can say that, cus I don't have a husband, or kids. And, cus I'm a bitch.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

If I Closed My Eyes Forever....

I'm. So. Tired. I had another meeting with my boss today. Things went really well. We talked about my personal issues, that I keep her in the loop with, and she said she wanted to thank me for not letting it affect my job. She said I don't ask for pity, and you would never know I was going through anything, and that says a lot about my character. My character. I have it.

She said a lot of people would talk about their problems, and use them as an excuse to let their work suffer, but I should be commended for keeping it together. I then told her how I created a macro with a long drawn out count if statement in excel in this report she use to do, and gave to me. It use to require me to manually look for certain numbers in a horizontal row, and count if it was over/under a certain limit. Manually takes forever. I simplified it and now it does it all on its own. What use to take an hour, now takes five minutes. She was totally impressed that I took the initiative to do it, and thanked me profusely.

She likes how I think, and said that I should work on perfecting it, and use it on a couple other files we do monthly as a group, and she could get the training room booked and I could teach the other girls how to do it. And that I should be proud of what I did. Me. Proud. I told her I really enjoy my job and I was worried I wouldn't ever find another place I liked to go to every day when I lost my last job. Which, is true.

This morning the dog wasn't limping. I hope she is better and its not temporary. I got her some doggie asperin, and brewers yeast. I thought her foot would explode it was so red and swollen. It's the yeast. It's never gotten that bad. I was up at midnight out of bed, soaking her in cool baking soda water for 15 minutes. I swear. Kids require so much time. It's not nearly as bad today. Thank God.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


It's here. The magical 24. I thought I was here before, but this time, it's true. I have truely lost 24 pounds. I can't wait to lose 7 more to make the 30lb mark. I will throw myself a party when I get to 35. That's my first official "goal". Since I moved my workouts from 60 to 90 minutes 5 days a week, things have been progressing much faster. Even when I havn't been eating as healthy, because I can't afford to feed myself good food with the brother and all. So, the only way to go is up. The bad news is I don't know how much longer I can wear the damn pants I'm wearing. I have 1 pair a size smaller that I can squeeze into. I dunno when to buy new clothes.

When I got home last night, my poor dog was limping. Here is what a freak I am. She couldn't jump up and down off her chair to pee, drink, or eat, so I used my large syringe I had to feed her with when she was sick, to give her water. She learned pretty quick to lick it and I squirted the water in her mouth. Then, I fed her peice by peice, her food. All while she lounged on her chair. Then, I carried her out and down the steps to pee. I even moved her to different spots she frequents, until she squatted in a spot she sniffed as appropriate.

She does this from time to time, she gets yeast dermatitis. Add this to the list of problems my poor dog has. It sometimes gets to the point her little feet swell up so it hurts her to walk. Then it gets her ear flared up too. Here's my dilemma. I have no money for the vet. Having 6 pets is expensive when I don't have a man to take care of. I have 3 pills for her dermatitis, and I'm hoping that is enough to get it under control. She hasn't had a flare up that bad in a year, so the vet would undoubtedly want her in for a check up before giving her another script. It use to be, I could just pick the pills up. I am wrecked with guilt over it, and am pretty pissed off that I have to spend my extra money on my brother. Who, doesn't seem to even want to help himself. He won't even fill out papers to get food stamps, to ease the pressure on me and the family for caring for him.

I mean, help yourself as much as you can. He had another Dr. appointment yesterday. It seems the skin graft didn't take all the way. So now, he has to possibly have another one. They took the machine sucking the goop out of his leg off, and just bandaged him up. Now, he has to go back to a clinic on Friday. At noon. I can't take off work again, a whole day. What if I get sick and need time off? No, I don't get to be sick. Now, instead of the nurse coming three times a week, he will have to go to a clinic near where I work. Half an hour from my house. 240 miles for 4 trips in a day. Me work. Me home get brother. Me take brother to clinic. Me take brother home. If he brings me to work, same difference. And, I'm not so sure I want him driving my car all around like that. The last thing I need is for an accident to happen.

Hey, 240 miles, has the number 24 in it. I lost 24 lbs. Did I mention that? Twenty four is coming to get me. I just watched the number 23. Can you tell? Now, that was a strange movie.