Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half Marathon...

I am home from the amazing high that vacation brings!

The convention before the race was exciting! I entered a contest, and won a spot on the Geico race team...which just meant that if I wore their swag for the race, I'd get a free massage afterwards. I didn't wind up doing it, and I also didn't see one person wearing any of those bright green gecko shirts. But I have a cute running shirt for around town now!

Me and sis got this sweet milk mustache pic at the convention

And then, it was RACE DAY!

I was ready to go!

We set our alarms for 4 am. My sister couldn't believe it. She has never gone to a race, let alone a big one! we got up early so we could drive a bit out of the way to take a shuttle to the start line, so we didn't have to worry about walking or parking, which wound up being the best decision ever.

It was so nice to have my sister there with me for the experience, I usually race alone, and having someone with you just enhances your experience.

getting into the zone before the start..

The temperature was 92 and humid. Don't ask me what the heat index was, probably over 100. I hadn't trained in that sort of heat, and I was worried about it. I was also concerned that I hadn't pooped. I dunno about you, but more than running 13.1 miles, the idea of running full of poo scares me way more. I don't think non-runners understand the importance of a bowel movement. Everyone thinks it is a joke, but it is very real. 

My pace group taking off!

We had a wave start, which was a first for me. Usually the fast people get the fanfare, and the rest of us walk slowly til we reach the start line. I liked this change, because we all got the countdown, and it was not as congested when we took off. 

The first 5 miles were cake. It was all along Atlantic Avenue, so we could sneak a peek at the ocean in between hotels. The sunrise glistening on the ocean, along with all the supporters, and bands was so motivating, it was beautiful! 

Then the first hill, a bridge over Rudee's Inlet. 

For someone who trains flat, this is daunting. So, I walked it. I was doing good at around an 11mm pace, and I was afraid of my time, but I had to keep in mind, finishing was my goal. 

That's about the time the heat really hit home. I took advantage of every water and gator aid station, as well as my own water I had in my belt. I bought a cooling bandana, so I got it wet and started to try to cool off my neck and face.

Hearing all the sirens, and seeing all of the "downed runners" along the road, reminded me that my goal was finishing. I didn't need to break any PR's this time. It was HOT!

Mile 8. It. Was. Hot. My face was on FIRE. There were a lot of people outside their houses with hoses, and sprinklers. A few volunteer groups with rags soaked in ice water. (heaven!!) I just thought, I'm over halfway there. The rest is a breeze!

We ran through the naval aquatic base, which was awesome because I thought there would be some men in uniform.. and I didn't want to look like a wuss. They had pitchers of water to refill our water bottles, and pots and pans full of ice cubes! I grabbed some, and thanked them profusely, and wrapped the ice in my bandanna and used it to try to cool my face and neck. 

Getting back to pace is a struggle. I slowed down. 

Mile 10. ONLY 3 MORE MILES!!  There were some people on bikes that rode along us for a while, and as they said "if you can run 10 miles, you can run 3". Yes. This is true! 

But mile 10 is around the time that my being hot turned into being cold. I got goosebumps, and seeing that it was ridiculous hot, I knew it wasn't a good sign. I had to stop worrying about my pace, and focus on the finish.

Luckily there were a few cooling buses along the route, and one was just up ahead. I veered off and spent a few minutes inside an air conditioned bus stretching and reading inspiring texts from my friends that urged me to keep going!

I got back out on the course, and was faced with that bridge again, which I walked. At the end of the bridge was the boardwalk. The final 2 miles, all along the ocean. 

Amazing! 

I crossed the finish with all my wits about me. A lot of pain in my hamstrings, exhausted, covered in sweat, and right my ankle was killing me, but I didn't stop. And I didn't push past my limits to prove anything, and I finished strong. 

Finishing at the beach=awesome! Third half under my belt=priceless!

My official time was 2:57. My run keeper time was 2:52, which I stopped when I got on the cooling bus, and should have stopped when I took a potty break..But under 3 hours was my ultimate goal this time, and I squeaked by! I had a 2:20 my last half, but I'm happy to have finished this one on my own two feet!

I spent the rest of the day doing this...

By the way, did you see my bling? A sparkly starfish? Priceless!

This was a great race, a great course, and so well executed! I'm already considering centering my next year's vacation around running it again! 

The Time is Near...

I haven't taken a weeks vacation in a couple of years. I've had long weekends, days here and there, but an entire week without the stresses of work? 

I think I hear angels singing! 

I'm not worrying about my half marathon, vacation is about relaxing! It's my third, and I don't have to break any records! I bought a cute new outfit, and a cooling cloth, so I'm good to go! The temp may be predicted as 87 on my race day, but I'll be finished before high noon, so who cares! I just remind myself that I did my first half at a heat index of 105...I'm hoping the ocean breeze will come into play!

My sister lives a mere 1.3 miles from the beach. That's full of awesome!! 

I will have an entire week of R&R. Lounging in the pool,  sweating it out at the beach. Having lots of sister time, and laughing is my #1 priority.

We will also get to take in a few great bands (we haven't decided which ones yet) that will be set up on the beach since it is the Rock n' Roll half marathon, after all! 

The only downside is that to avoid baggage fees, I'm checking a carry on size bag and taking a carry on. The stress of only taking what I need is really getting to me. Plus, I don't have room to steal things I really like from my Sister's house, which is kind of a tradition in our family.

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend! I know that I will!

It's My Birthday! (Almost)

My days have been blazing by, because yet another one of my little birdies at work has left the nest. (got a promotion) I'm very happy when my girls can move up, but I'm pretty sad for me. I'm stuck on secretary AND supervisor duty until I can find someone equally as fabulous to replace her.

I simply hate the interview process, besides counselings and reviews its my #1 most hated duty.

I had my Momma sleep over last weekend. Remember when you couldn't wait to get away from your Mom? It was so fun to have her over! We hung out in our jammies and watched movies! Then,  we spent 9 hours Christmas shopping. I'm nowhere near done. Shopping under pressure is hard.

I read "Bared to You" in one day. And started book two. I thought it was safe to start since book 3 comes out NYE, but looks like I'm going to be waiting to find out what happens with Gideon and Eva...

After almost 2 months off from daily running, (slacking) I started back at it full tilt, and I've finally tried SPINNING 3 days a week!! I love the team environment, which fuels my desire to push myself. Running and spinning in the same day makes Jill a tired girl, and I have been crashing very early!

I'll be doing a Christmas caroling run next week with a local running group. Dress festive, and sing carols while running through the neighborhoods. I'm pretty excited about this one, it's all fun, and no pressure!

I've been preparing for my 37th birthday party this weekend! (omg...I'm almost 40!!!)  I'm having the ladies over for another wine party, where we all bring our favorite wines, and cheeses, and then go tripping the light fantastic at my favorite dance club, and forget that we are entering mid-life.

Today, marks the one month anniversary of my legendary attendance of the Madonna concert! I'll never ever, get tired of reliving this memory!

How are your holiday plans coming along?

Mr. Magoo got a haircut for Christmas, and a new sweater.

 

Snuggles.

Gone, But Not Forgotten...

I don't talk much about my Dad.

He left this earth on April Fool's Day, 2000 at the age of 52. I was on my way to a comedy show with a group of friends when my brother called to tell me the news. I accused him of playing an April Fool's Day prank on me.

I can't imagine how hard it was for him to have to be the one to deliver that message, only to have me not believe him.

Aneurism. He was in great health, he had just had a bunch of tests done to be on the fire brigade at his work, where he was a plumber for Loral. (Formerly, Goodyear Aerospace) He mowed the lawn, and collapsed in the bathroom while getting a shower.

Just like that, someone can leave this earth. No warning.

Mom and Dad were divorced for 16 years when he died, and we only saw him on weekends until we were old enough to drive. Most of this is thanks to his hasty re-marriage to a woman whom I unaffectionalty refer to as "the step-monster".**

Thankfully a year before he passed, I started making an akward effort to go and spend time with him, even if it was just watching an Ohio State game (ugh, football!!), mostly in silence,  or talking about our dogs.(I got a Shih-Tzu because he had one)

Just days before he passed, I had borrowed a plumber's snake for my toilet, and I had visited him to return it. It wasn't much, but I was pretty grateful later on, that my toilet had clogged so badly.

Even though we weren't close, he was my Dad, and losing him at 23 was one of the hardest things I had to go through this far in life.

When my husband left me, he paid off  my car, my utilities, and even gave me a few mortgage payments to help me out. My Dad wasn't good with words, or showing love, but he always took care of us.

I miss him every day, and am secretly jealous of people who still have both of their parents alive on this earth. You don't know until it's too late, that it can all be gone in a flash.

Hug your Dad's today, and say whatever you are not saying to him. You will be glad that you did.

**Stepmonster footnote**. When my dad died, he had the veterans at his funeral since he was in the Navy. They did the whole rifle shooting, and flag folding ceremony. My Mom called stepmonster before the funeral to ask if my brother (his only SON!) could have the flag that was on my Dad's casket and she replied "No! I'm the wife!!"

She only wanted the attention to be on her. They didn't have kids together. My brother deserved that part of my father's memory, which since we have never seen or heard from her again, is now gone forever.

The day after the funeral? Stepmonster called us (his KIDS) to come go thru all his things, which she had all piled into the spare bedroom. Whatever we didn't take she was getting rid of.

Monster, indeed!

Mother's Day...

For Mother's Day this year, we did a mother/daughter first. I treated my Momma to a spa pedicure!! We were both virgins! I hear your judgement, everyone asks why we hadn't done it before. The only answer is, we didn't know what we were missing!

And, truthfully, yes, I may paint my toenails, but with my workout schedule, the amount of time my feet are shoved into sweaty socks far outweighs the time they can be cute. I'm trying though.

The hilight of our visit was when they put the hot towel on moms legs and she told the manicurist that it felt so good she might pee. And she did it with a straight face.


After our pedicures, we went shopping at our favorite place, the salvation army. Where I got Nike running pants for 2.99. And, you know those are $40-$50 retail!! (I so sound like my Mom!) I can't spend high dollar on clothes I will only sweat in.

We had a fabulous lunch at our new favorite hot spot for Greek food. Then, I rushed home so I could enjoy a ladies night at the winery, with my fabulous lady friends!!

Then on actual Mother's Day, me and my Momma went to see Dark Shadows, with Johnny Depp. She loved the old soap, and wanted to see the movie. It was great, and she even pointed out that in the "ball" scene, the original cast members were in attendance. Age=knowledge!

I topped off the celebratory weekend with taking one of my four legged kids to run at the park. Now, I am set to watch the farewell of one of my favorite shows, Desperate Housewives....chardonnay in hand.

Seeing that I was busy with my Mom my friends, or running all weekend, I have about 20 hours of TiVo to catch up on now.

How did you spend your Mother's Day?

A Letter from My Mother..

Cleaning my spare bedroom recently, (for guests!!) I came across the letter my Momma wrote me when I was 14, as a school project for my time capsule, to be read on graduation day, when I was 18. I re-read it at 36, and it just goes to show, that your Momma knows who you are from the time you are born.

And, here is my letter:

When you read this you will be a senior. By then you may have forgotten the agonies of being in the eighth grade, and being 14 years old. Everything is a crisis for you. You are now, and have always been very dramatic. Being the last of three children , I say you will be the one to give me all my grey hair. We can't seem to get along for any length of time. We are always butting heads. You are a loving child, but also an unruly one. You are a very pretty girl and I hope one day that you will see that for yourself. Right now you aren't very happy with your hair or your looks and of course you say you are fat. 


You don't know that you will outgrow these feelings. You are very unique. As a baby everyone said you looked just like a china doll. I don't suppose I have been much fun as a mother to you. I have raised you alone for 6 years, and so far being a single parent has not been easy for me. I apologize for my phobia keeping me from taking you to places like the mall or the movies. You don't understand my life, or my resentments toward your Dad, (RIP Daddy, who died when I was 23) and I know you have felt alot of pain over that. 


I hope that you will be able to remember a lot of the good things about our life together. Today, you told me I was pretty. You always want to fix my hair and dress me. At this time in your life, your cat Maggie, is a source of love for you. (RIP Maggie Magpie, who also died when I was 23..)


I hope you can one day accept and love yourself. 


Trust in God. he has put you here and you are very special to him. I don't know what you will be when you grow up, you change your mind about careers so often. 


I hope that I will be here when you open your time capsule. If not, please know that I do love you very much and I pray that you will be happy in life. You are a very determined person, so whatever you set your mind to, I am sure you will accomplish. You have a strong will, and although it is hard for me to deal with that, I am glad you are that way. You will get what you set your mind to. Several of my friends, and some nurses at the hospital said if anyone belongs on a stage, it is you because of your dramatic behavior. So maybe you consider acting as a career?


I wish I could spare you any pain in this world but that is impossible. I did the best I could with what I knew in raising you. The rest is up to you and God. He has a lot of beauty on the earth if you just look for it. I  brought you into the world, and in my prayers, I have given you to him. 


Don't ever hide your feelings, they are you. Don't ever think your feelings don't matter, they do. Don't ever feel you aren't important, you are. I pray that you will meet the Lord because in him you will find the best in you. 


I wish you luck in the future. Remember every day to be grateful for something, no matter how small, and you will be happy,. Don't ever settle for what other people say you can have, get what it is you deserve. 


I suppose soon you will be on your own and I imagine the best part of that for you is that you can spend as much time on the phone as you want. 


Stay honest, be true to yourself, show love and compassion for others, but love yourself most of all. Savor each day for what it has to offer. No matter what memories of your family life you carry with you, remember it was all for the sake of love. I know you will be successful. You come from a family of survivors. 

Accept life on life's terms. 

Love, Mom

I get my strong will and determination from my Momma.  I'm lucky to have a Mom that knew enough to teach me to value myself. I always understood gratefulness, mindfulness, and that by putting myself first, I would be happy.

I love my Momma, she is a very smart lady!

Easter Memories...

As far as religion is concerned, I was baptized catholic, and then also raised Christian, followed by Pentecostal, so I have had a taste of all the majors, before deciding on what works for me as an adult. Which is a more Buddhist philosophy.

But we still celebrate the holidays.

Easter is usually signified by the many photos of me, crying hysterically on the Easter bunnies lap. I mean, whose idea was it to dress up like a horror dream character and hold children? (Do you remember ever having a friendly looking bunny in YOUR photos?)

However, my favorite Easter growing up, was watching Jesus Christ Superstar with my Mom. It always came on WUAB around 2-3 am, tuned in, quite staticky, with the rabbit ears. (and we changed channels via a pair of pliers...my how times have changed...) I'd get to sleep on the couch until it came on.

Subsequently, I learned all the words to this opera, and now own not only the record, but the original cast DVD. It is hilarious to watch their meager costumes, and songs in the desert.

Nothing says Easter, like a 70's rock opera!

What is your favorite Easter memory?

My Polish Side...

Today we said goodbye to Grandma. It occurred to me that her being 96 meant that she was already in her 60's when I was born. Time goes by so fast. In honor of not being sad, I'm sharing great things I learned today from my Dad's brothers.

1) Always pee when there is a restroom available
2) Remember to brush your eyebrows when they are wet, that way they stay where you put them.
3) Don't practice buddhism if you want to see them in heaven. I was after all, baptized catholic you know.
4) Free food doesn't count when you are on a diet, because there isn't enough free food in the world that can make you fat. (this may become my new mantra...)

And my favorite lesson was one on odds.

During hurricane Hugo, my uncle, aunt, cousin, and sister donned foil hats. There were trees crashing down all over the yard, and my uncle said that the odds of a tree falling on the house, and crushing them were good...but what are the odds that a tree would smash into a house and kill four people wearing foil hats?

You can't beat those odds.

Who says Polish people are dumb? They all survived, and a tree never hit the house.

One of the memories that came to me today about Grandma was when her and Grandpa got me a chocolate ice cream cone, and I sat and cried as it melted all over my hand, and their car while they kept telling me to eat it.....I didn't like chocolate. I didn't want any part of that stupid ice cream cone, and they finally had to take it away from me.

I would later grow up and eat chocolate to the point where my life now has to be working out to get rid of it.

Kid's may not be as stupid as I thought.

Childhood Rears Its Ugly Head...

Remember how I said when we were growing up we were poor? Like not eating dirt poor, but Mom and Dad divorced and Mom didnt make enough to support us really, and for instance, once a church brought us food. A big box of it. To me it was like Christmas!

We'd get trash bags of hand me down clothes from Moms friends...it was awesome! We lived in a trailer, with possums and skunks living underneath, which was totally cool.

We were on food stamps, which was pimp, cus we could get whatever we wanted to eat. We never felt deprived. We use to get the dreaded PINK FREE lunch tickets at school so everyone knew you were poor. My school fines were waived for a few years, cus we were poor.

And all my clothes were bought from Acme Click where my Mom worked, I never had name brands, I always had knock offs. And never anything new, we had to shop while Mom worked, and give her what we wanted, and she'd "put it back" aka hide it under the shoe bin in the shoe department until it went on sale.

Instead of a Pound puppy, I had a lonley puppy. Which is so generic I couldn't find a picture. Instead of a Cabbage Patch, I had Pumpkin Patch kids. I did have a cabbage patch once the hype was over.

I actually stole someones cabbage patch kid in grade school. Well not technically. But it was in the lost and found and I said it was mine. Someone saw me with it and her brother said I stole it and I had to give it back.

I never disclosed that when I got my job, and they asked me if I ever stole anything. *gulp* Have you ever done drugs? Sure, I smoked pot, who didn't? Did you ever steal? No! Never!

The moral of this story is, I am still that poor girl on the inside. And I still get generic things. For Christmas, Mom didn't get me a Snuggie...I got a Fuzzie Wuzzie.

Which I like better than a stupid old Snuggie anyway.

Die of Cute

I don't have much to share. So here is a picture of my adorable shih poo in his new Dress Barn
Original sweater, complete with a nubby on the hat. You can tell, he loves it!

Christmas was fantastic, I spent it with an awesome lovebug, that I felt blessed to be with. I ate too much at my Moms, and me and Magoo stayed the night over there, and sweated to death.

Mom has the heat on 65 or something, and I'm use to freezing at a cool 55. I was seriously too hot!

And now, I'm surviving on low sodium, no calorie chicken bullion, carrots, clementines, and cucumber water. I think I ate enough over the past few weeks for an entire lifetime. Some day I'll get that addiction thing under control. Until I can fit into my pants and breathe the way I did 3 weeks ago. At least I didn't quit working out, I bet if I did I'd have gained 20lbs.

I like food.

Too much!

For more cute, heres a video of Magoo and his new Christmas toy. He's unsure of toys and playing, since he lived his first 5 years in a breeding cage, and this is huge for him, and the squeaker, well he isn't so sure of that yet!

Sports...meh...

I'm not sure how other places work, but growing up in Ohio, it always seemed like our sports teams were the suck. Except for Ohio State, who from what I hear never seems to disappoint.

I havn't been to a Cav's game since the whole lebron phenominon. Prior to Lebron, you could find tickets to a game laying in the streets. No one went. I dated a guy who had season tickets, and we were there with like 20 other people. Seriously.

(Right around the time the Cavaliers underwent their makeover. From orange and blue to wine and gold)

It was a lot of fun to go this time, post lebron (cus even though I dont like sports i really didnt like him) to see that all the seats were filled, and the game was close right up until the very last second, and everyone stayed to support the team.

I may have had alterior motives for cheering them on (a free chalupa if they hit 100 points, or if the other team doesnt score 80) but after they surpassed my free food expectations, I still wanted the team to win.

Despite my hatred for sports, and especially squeaky basketball sneakers, I had a good time! Even though we still had to pay $10 to park, AND THEN walk 2 miles. (my biggest Cleveland complaint besides traffic, is their ridiculous parking prices! I'm from the little city down South, we don't roll that way. We have things like.. free parking. Or Parking for a dollar! And free concerts every week! And mostly our homeless hang out around the shelter, and don't venture too far to hassel you at every turn)

Fun, that is..until my brother texted me that my being at the game made their winning streak stop.

We're a really loving family. Can you tell?

Mother of a Day...

I'd like to say I'm done interviewing people, but I'm not. My boss had some family stuff goin on so she missed one day and I had another manager sit in with me for their second opinion. Plus, we got more apps. Oh plus, people just suck. They aren't enthusiastic. Or, they are too qualified, and will be utterly bored in a couple of months. I think the job sounds like an executive assistant position in the description, but really, its more like a secreterial pool. You have to have skills, but not too many. And not like making decisions cus you don't get to. Ha.

That's why I was bored doing the job. It's the same old hum drum. Plus I feel bad for the people in other departments like, credit, or receivables that applied because they are horribly miserable meeting quotas each month. And that's no reason to give a person a job. I like to be ignorant to things like people hating their jobs. In my world life's swell.

On Saturday I'm taking my Momma here. The challenge will be getting her to go to bed before 5 am on Friday, so we can get up early and get some good deals! It'll be mayhem for sure on Memorial day weekend.

My manfriend is leaving me to go to some comic nerd convention in Columbus. He really isn't a nerd but his friends are. I'm going to try to survive not seeing him until Sunday. It is gonna be hard. I hate it. I tried to soak all of him up last night. And this morning. An extra day without the manfriend is like an eternity. Trust me. It's a freaking sickness.

I jogged yesterday for 15 minutes and my foot didn't hurt. Yayyyyyy! I'm so bored with biking. Although, I do sweat a whole lot more doing it. I feel a better cardio workout from jogging. I tend to do a harder resistance on the bike vs. speed. I still have fat to lose first.

My arms are comin along. Manfriend commented that he could tell a difference.

Momma Knows Best...V 2.0

My Momma told me to get some Mucinex on the referral of a friend who had a hacking cough for weeks, and her son who works in the hospital. I asked the pharmacist which was better mucinex or robitussin for what I had and he said the same thing.

I was skeptical. Mucinex is a pill, not a cough syrup. And it cost 15 bucks for 15 pills.

You get what you pay for cus I barely coughed all night and the couple times I did I got a nice phlemy suprise! Yesssss.

I slept so good, I didn't turn off my 5 phone alarms that go off daily. I called my boss at 8:05. "I just got up". You know that feeling when you're sleeping a little too good?

I think I'm on the road to recovery.

Reason 908,456,345 not to have kids. They think they are smarter than you and piss you off.

Mom Knows Best....

(I was impressed with some of the pics I took of my cats the other day. This of course, is the little shit that ran away. )






So, I'm at the manfriends Sunday night. 52 miles from home. And I get a text from my Momma:

Momma: Look up sex offenders. U got 10 close to u

Me: Thx mom, way 2 scare me!

Momma: Getting pics online, scars n all

Me: Nice!

Momma: most like kids

Momma: email page to u got (? I don't know what this means either)

Mind you, I live alone. Not in a desolate area, but rural. It's dark out. There's a big tree/bush by my front door where a sex offender could hide and grab me. I was out in the woods behind my house last week, with a flashlight at 10 and 12 calling my lost cat, all alone! The more I thought of it the more it made me mad. Home is my safe haven. I always feel safe there. I watch scarey movies by myself with the lights out.

Not that night. I wouldn't even watch Silence of the Lambs at the manfriends! I think that I much prefer ignorance in these cases. Then I kept thinking someone was going to jump me on the way in my house. I'm kinda mad at her now for that.

I got my review at work. I was pretty awesome. Of course, we don't get raises. Our insurance went up, so I actually will bring home less than I did last year. Even with that big fat stimulus we get! (this was just about the biggest joke yet....$12? all for me?)

Now...I'm working on my people's reviews. I keep a performance journal on my people all year in Access, and put the notes in categories according to the review form, and then run a report according to review category, so it's not too hard to do since I'm prepared, it's pretty much all done. I'm kinda impressed with myself too.

A new show was on last night, on regular TV, and I liked it! Cupid! I seem to be a sucker for love since falling madly in love myself. Speaking of mad love, I get to see my lovebug tonight! Eek!

Ho Ho Ho...

Hi. I might have a problem. I want one of these puppies pretty bad. I mean, they look like little foxes! I am addicted to their webcam.

That mouse was out and about again yesterday. The good news is, I knew it was, because my cats were after something. My cats aren't useless after all! They had it under my couch. I chased it back and forth forever trying to help them, and they'd look excitedly under the couch waiting for it to come out but it didn't until their ADD kicked in and they left. When I moved a photo album and there it scurried. It's little, and fast. Way fast. And, teeeeeny little. Eventually the cats lost inerest. When I shoo'd it out I'd yell "sickem" but, my cats have no idea what that means. And the mouse ran back under the couch. The saga continues.

I spent the night wiping things off and sweeping behind things looking for mouse evidence. None. I dunno when he moved in but he's been pretty tidy.

Yesterday, we had a holiday party for the department. We were smart this year, and instead of putting our meager secreterial wages together, having a food day, then watch the people who drive bmw's, and lexus's and hummers eat all our food, (last food day one of the VP's took a whole can of nuts with him to eat) we sent them an invite to bring food. Guilt them into it if you will. Rich folk have no damn sense.


Except some of them do! One of the VP's got us all gift sets from Carol's Daughter! As seen on Oprah! Used by Beyonce, and Mary J. Blige. It smells devine too! I got a sugar cookie candle from anther one. My girls got me a bag full of Hello Kitty goodies. I got a Starbucks card and bad ass coffee mug from my boss, and some pretty hair doodles from another gal. I didn't get a bad clock this year from my VP, I got a gift card to Applebee's! And some evil chocolates.

This weekend the manfriend and me saw Four Christmases. The cutest part was at the beginning he told me they reminded him of us. I was seriously thinking the same thing. The way they interact with each other was so cute, and ......picked each other up at the bar even though they live together. Hollaaaa. He made me wanna cry like 10 times this weekend, with happiness of course. Like, we were at the movies and he went to get the car and pick me up cus it was 20 below windchill. Made me button my coat. Fixed my 20 times blistered foot so it didn't hurt. I gave him a small christmas tree cus he didn't have one. He really liked it. It's so weird to be treated so well. I'm so not use to it, it'll never get old!

I'm excited this year he is gonna come to my Momma's Christmas Eve! And I'll go to his families on Christmas. His Mom is sick, so we're doing her house on Sunday. I hope this doesn't mean I have to wait til Sunday for presents. I've been dying to give him his gifts for months!

My body is Tired. I better have lost weight...

I'm taking a Poll. If your voice isn't heard, it could be detrimental to my body. I drew this Om symbol on my wrist, as a trial. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo there. If not, I may bet the lotus flower and Om to cover up Hello Kitty on my foot. I have Om in the car, at my desk, and on my front door. Its a reminder to me. It's small enough that my watch covers it, if I had to cover it. What's the general consencus? I did a pretty good job drawing it freehand. Thank you.

Why do my clemantines have seeds? There's not much about winter I enjoy, but one thing is clemantines. For some reason mine have random seeds in them. Biting into seeds tastes like alum. (my sister and brother fed that to me and told me it was rock candy. It pickles your tongue, and eating the seeds brings back that horrible memory) And, they were also 6.99/box. They use to be 3.99. Do I sound old? I'll shut up. Do you know why they have seeds? No? Yes?

I weigh in tonight at boot camp. I'm feeling pretty good, according to my scale I'm down 2lbs, but it's still nervewracking. We started running relays, and having partners, and doing crunches. I hate them. She said we're all going to use steps soon. If I don't lose weight I'm not using them. I took a step class for years and never lost a pound. Class is easier, but I still get pissed when we have to do 300 continuous jumping jacks. Or, 500 lunges. Or, run around carrying that stupid balance ball. I'm still doing two and three workouts a day 5 days a week. I feel good. Like, I feel good. At work, they call me an animal. I dunno, if they think I'm an animal I wanna be a cat.

Oh, go out and buy jewelry. Our company is acutally doing well according to the Christmas letter we got. But, we can always have more money. Cus I bought stock in my company this year. I want to have a profit, and not be pissed I did it. Jewelry is a fabulous investment. If the economy fails, you can melt your gold and have an actual valueable good worth trading. (since they keep printing money) Oh, and boys? Girls love diamonds.

I woke up in the middle of the night Wednesday, and the manfriend was kissing me on the forehead. He is only the cutest thing in the world. I wanna eat him up with a side of mashed potatos (cus I love potatos too). He's the sweetest boy on earth.

At work, the presents have started. The girls called me over the other day to tell me one of the VP's has a coach box in it with boxes inside with our names on them. I said no way we are getting coach. She buys a coach bag for her secretary, but the rest of us always got stuff that the stores sell to benefit our charity. It's for a good cause, right? That's being realistic. I'm hoping for a better gift from my VP this year, than the stupid clock. I gave up my good gift-giving VP's when I got promoted. *sigh* Christmas isn't about gifts. Gawd, I'm such an asshole!

My Cat's Cuter than Your Cat....

Of course my camera quality sucks ass, but the fact is I have an adorable cat who loves to sit in the tub until I give her a toy to bat around. I'm willing to bet she's cuter than your cat. Regardless you'd never convince me otherwise.

I'm all excited to share my video with the world and my Mom says "it's cute, but that tub and wash rag are forever immortalized". I'm like...wtf is she even talking about? Mom's can be so judgemental. So I guess I have to say for her sake, that my bathtub is stained. It's plastic. I've tried every chemical, and powder, including CLR, and Limeaway to get the crap off the tub. Nothing's worked. If you have some miracle cure, please share it with me before my Mother dies of embaressment. I honestly don't care if it was dirty.

And she was just hasseling me yesterday to bear her grandchildren. I'd be an unfit mother, with my filthy bathtub. (regardless...this is not happening...my vagina does not want to make room for baby) "It'll change your life" she says. Yea, I know, that's why I don't want them, I'm happy with my life how it is. Call me selfish, but if I want to workout after work and not have to make 15 phone calls, or I want to nap on a Sunday afternoon because I was out late Saturday getting drunk and not having to call a babysitter. That's what I wanna do. At least I know what I want before having a kid and then screwing its life up. Ya hurr?

It's my last week of bootcamp. I'm terrified. I can't afford to go in December, with Christmas, my birthday, and having to get my liscense plates (yes, the evil vanity plates cost a buttload) and a new liscense. I'm turning the big 3-3. I'm also going away for the weekend, and getting my hair done. All costly things for a month. Sigh. I'm going to pay for once a week classes thru December, and rejoin in January. She told us Monday, no pentalty for weight gain this week with Thanksgiving. Some people (my coworkers) are really taking this to heart and eating crap.

I'm going to enjoy a normal dinner and hope for the best. I'm still not going to cheat other days. I work too freaking hard for that. Monday, I did regular jumping jacks because my legs don't hurt anymore. Hollaaaaaa. I'm going to have to just double up my workouts at the gym the normal bootcamp days and keep on keepin on.

In January...I'm back in the swing of things. And....I'm anxiously awaiting my stimulus package. You know, to pay my taxes, as usual. (which is bullshit)

Happy Turkey Day everyone! Enjoy some pie, and mashed potatos and stuffing, and corn, and CHEESE, and rolls, and um, mashed potatos, and pie, did I say that? All for me. Cus, I'm losing 4lbs this week!

Certainly Not a Boyscout..

I wouldn't complain about the manfriend. But if ever I wanted to complain about something it would be his lack of preparation. I'm pretty sure a nice organizer, used properly would fix that. He forgets a lot of events, or details of events. This weekend was one such incident.

Saturday night we met his friend and his girlfriend out at BW3 to watch UFC, which if you don't know is fighting. I really had no interest in it at all, but it was kinda funny to watch the boys roll around together on the ground. (gay) They also had interesting choices in underwear. The girlfriend told me I would like it if I watched this reality show on Spike TV. She is also obsessed with Big Brother so she must know what she's talking about. Reality show? I'll pretty much watch a reality show about anything, so I may check it out.

We're outside for a smoke and non chalant the boy says "Oh, tomorrows the (insert manfriends family name) reunion at 3, do you want to go for a while?" Meeting the reunion family? Kind of a big deal to a girl. Remember, we have a "long distance" relationship so what I have with me is what I have with me. I can't just 'drop by my house' and get a few things. I said "I don't have supplies for the shower. And I don't have anything nice to wear" He told me it's informal. Then he said it was at the Cleveland Yacht Club. Uh. Yea. He apologized for springing it on me but kept assuring me that it was no big deal that I wasn't wearing something nice. (side note he never said I didnt have on nice clothes, I did..)

So, I showered with my girlie stuff I have at his house (from his mom, cute!), but had to wash my hair with his manpoo. Which doesn't leave your hair soft and shiney at all. Then, the best part, was blow drying my hair with a high velocity fan in the hall way. I had a great wind blown look going on. Then, I put on my jean cut offs and t-shirt and trucked it to meet the family. I felt so classy.

The best part of this story, is that you know how I've been doing a body cleanse, and my pipes have been sort of clogged since vacation? I have been that cleansing system for 5 days, and when does it decide to start working? At the (insert manfriend's family name) family reunion. With two of his relatives in the small bathroom with me. Oh yea, have I mentioned it makes it smell 100 times worse than poo would normally smell? Yes, I can imagine I'm the manfriend's classy girlfriend who drops a stinker in the crapper, and under dresses to family functions.

I saw a toddler picture of the manfriend. They had a baby photo contest. He was probably one of the cutest kids ever, and I don't like kids. My new name for him, is goldilocks. It's pretty cute.

Have I ever stated how much I hate sports? Especialy when they interfere with my freaking TV shows? Big Brother didn't record. I got the first 10 minutes, which was the HUGE blowout with everyone over Jessie going home. Does anyone outside the house even care that he's gone? I didn't think so. I'm watching the episode right now. Here are my thoughts. Um, when did Jerry get so high and mighty? Wasn't everyone pissed at him for lying the first week? And he "took off all my marine gear so that makes lying ok". Dan took off his cross, so whats the difference? I hate hippocrytes. I wish I could smack the shit out of Michelle. I hate her.

Not as much as I hate Jessie. If you havn't watched the House Calls where he got the boot, you have to. It's right here. Evel Dick asked him 10 times how it felt America voted him out, and he won't admit that they did. He is a total freaking idiot. This is classic.

Are You Watching?...

Big Brother 10. My big fat addiction. Who is as excited as me that *Spoiler* Brian got his stank ass kicked to the curb? Who goes into Big Brother week 1 and tries to manipulate everyone, and brag about it. God, I hate people like that. When the girls decided to back door him. Jerry is old, but that doesn't change the fact that his constant military talk is getting on my last nerve. I mean, good for you, I understand the pride or whatever, and I'm grateful for people like him, cus I wouldn't wanna do it. But, every other word out of his mouth is about the marines and honor and pffft. You're on Big Brother. You besta forget about I love to yell and scream at the TV, and cheer. Big Brother...I love you!

Does anyone else think that Keesha looks like Faith Hill? Not a spitting image, but there is a definate resemblance there.

Baby Borrowers. Reason 234,876,098 not to have children. This is a brilliant show for all those stupid high school betches that think "I WANNA BAAAAYYYBEEEEE". Yea, I was there too sister, you grow out of it real fast once you realize what it's really all about. They might be cute and a novel idea, but they um, scream and cry. And you can't just get up and go when you want. Sex? Shopping? Not without that baby.

Flipping Out. I love this show. Jeff Lewis is such an entertaining person. I only bring this up because I'm sad Jenny is getting divorced. I know what it's like to be married to a guy that wont grow up and defend him and stand by him, only for him to leave your ass high and dry. She's better off. But it's sad. She's so cute.

I watch 8,000 more shows, but you have to have your limits. I could seriously blog for a lifetime just about TV. I'm sick, and I know this.

I tried on my old bathing suit last night. the butt is a bit baggy. I can't wear it anyhoo, cus the boob is ripped. The point here people is, while I havnt dropped any weight for a week, I'm still losing something! I still want to lose 10 lbs to meet the 20 by vacation goal I had. Sigh.

Last night I did 30 min on the treadmill, at a 5.0 cus I'm jogging on the balls of my feet and it doesn't hurt my knees! Then I did 20 on the eliptical, 20 on the bike and another 15 on the treadmill. Then I went to Mom's and painted the doors on her shed.

She didn't have the stuff I need to finish a task. I might have to hoof it on vacation cus this is not going so well with completing a project before going. When do we have to rent a car? Oh, this weekend. Good luck with that. So, I did what I could do with what I had. I still have a ton more to do. Maybe she'll stay home one day and get what I need, and be home so a sista can pee or get a drink when it's 90 degrees outside.

Have I mentioned how happy I am that our town festival is over? I despise closed roads. And people parking on both sides of the street, and walking down the middle, and generally invading my space. Being in BFE has both its ups and its downs. And having minimal traffic/people is definately an UP!

Responsibility...

I've always had a great sense of responsibility. Pride. Great work ethic. Of course, it's not the same as it once was, after being laid off the last job, I realized, that work is work and I don't really give a shit about it like I use to. But still, it does come before most things in my life. Unfortnately.

Where does the sense of responsibility stop, and self preservation begin? It's very possible, that my brother will be going back into the hospital, for another skin graft. Not because he is a poor healer. Or, it didn't take right the first time. Because he did it to himself, by the way he lives, and what he does to his body. I think I am the only one who really see's this for what it is. I remember when my mom was going to Al-anon when we were growing up, and she was getting into "tough love" and we would tell her how mean she was, and she said it wasn't that she is being mean at all. She hung up this sign that said "You have the freedom of choice, but not of consequence".

This goes for my brother. He chooses to live the lifestyle he does. He chooses to go to the bar and drink all his money away. He chooses to not have a car. He chooses to work at a restaurant when he is really smart, and can do anything he wants. He chooses to not care about himself. Those are choices he makes, because they are easier than trying to better yourself.

I did all I can do for him, and I'm at a point in my life where I come first. I have spent the last couple decades, putting myself on the back burner, for the needs of others. It wasn't even in a healthy exchange. I was just taken advantage of, and I let it happen. I'm still young enough to be able to enjoy my life. And I plan to. I can't however enjoy my life, when I work 60 hours a week. Working from 8am-10:15pm 5 days a week. I can't keep doing it. These are suppose to be the best years of my life. Do I HAVE to do it? No. But I want things for myself that require me to pay my bills off. So I do it.

Having my brother stay with me, put me further into debt. Prevented me from paying off any bills for 4 months. I realize, he is family. I love him. I care about his well being. But while I struggled working two jobs, trying to support the both of us, he did nothing to help. Instead, complained about the food I bought. The fact that I had no cable channels. Didn't take him anywhere. He wouldn't even fill out paperwork to get food stamps to help us out. Had no desire to learn how to budget his money, and ran up our phone bill to over $200, and watched me have a nervous breakdown....without so much as an "I'm sorry".

I am 31 years old. I don't have kids, because I enjoy my freedom. I'm too busy working on myself, and bettering my own life, to be concerned with caring for someone who doesn't care for themselves. I know in my own heart, this doesn't make me a bad person. I know, that sometimes you have to hit the absolute bottom before you can come up. I had mine about 8 years ago. When I lost "everything" at once. No one could make me see what I did to myself. What I allowed to go on around me. When you are in your own bubble, you have to see it for yourself, and the same is true for my brother. He has to ask for help. He has to see that he needs it. And until then, I am going to live my life like I have been doing. I stressed all night about what to do about him. But you know what? I bet my brother was having a jolly time at the bar, not worrying one bit about what he would do. And, theres something wrong with that.

Until he decides he wants to better himself, and ask for the help he needs, I'm not responsible for him, and I'm ok with that.