"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Is it Friday Yet? Oh wait, I'm not working...

Time flies when you're not working! My goal was to plant all the plants I got from work this wknd. That didn't happen! I have a ton of freebies, I got more in pots, but I didnt dig up anymore flower beds. Its so depressing that I spent 4 years making those we dont speak of's yard so nice, and now I'm starting over. Suprisingly, lots of my perennials I dug up from that jerks house are blooming now! =) It's the little things!

I have a ton of plants that I have to keep alive for friends too, which is difficult cus their in the garage and will likely die with no sunshine.
I did however, clean my garage out! This is exciting news. I can put my car in there now! I even made a little area in the back with xmas lights, and a table and chairs, and my park bench. I actually used it yesterday with my neighbor since it rained. We cooked out, in their garage. Now I have the spare bedroom full of boxes. Baby steps. I have no idea how I got so much stuff! I need to stop buying things!

I only went out on Friday to a local bar w/my neighbors and another friend. My neighbor had her first shot of tequila, which was classic!! They played really good music, like Tricky!
And I drove about 2 minutes to get home, very unusual for me, I've been in the boonie docks for years now!!!!

My sister met someone online. After I bad mouthed online dating! They went on a date and everything. But I wont embaress her with details. I look best in pink, or yellow, so those are good choices for bridesmaid's dresses....

My Edwin was on Dr. Phil! I had to watch him before heading to the bar Friday night. I was screaming and squealing for him. Of course, he sang 'I'll Be' and didnt get to show off how they rock! But he gave out his new CD, and DVD, and once you hear him live, you are converted, I bet he made more fans at least.

I talked to my ex last Friday. We plan to meet up this Thursday. I'm not holding my breath.
It's really put my current situation in perspective. I thought I was trucking along happy with those we dont speak of, but I wasn't happy. I thought I was. I'd talk to this ex over the years from time to time, and he'd tell me I wasnt being myself with those we dont speak of, and I'd say oh, yes I am, Im just older now, I'm different. Guess I was wrong! I was settling. May I never do such a thing again!

Funny thing is this guy broke my heart....and I still talk to him. I can't even think of talking to those we don't speak of. I wish he would fall off the face of the earth. I didn't wish him harm....i wished he'd just leave town so I don't run into him this summer, like I know I will because we have mutual friends, and interests. It is my M.O. to duck and run, when encountering people I dont want to see. lol!

Today's Funny: The forecast (me I think I was 12 or something)

Today's Question:
(First question picked was a 1 liner so I picked 2)

2)If you were to pick the one thing that always makes you smile, what would it be?

This might seem easy cus lots of things make me happy, but when I'm absolutely down in the dumps, and depressed, the only thing that can make me smile 100% of the time, is my pets. Unconditional love!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Music, makes the people come together...

TGIF!!! I couldn't be happier, that I am off for the next 3 days from BOTH JOBS!! I have been moved in for 2 months now, and I'm still living out of boxes. I have most of it done, but you know, I am a huge procrastonator when it comes to my personal life! Plus, I have no time! I have a home phone with no phone plugged in, my Tivo is the only thing plugged in!

So thats the plan, unpacking! Next wknd too! Woo hoo! I can feel the excitement already! Sitting on the toilet at home (nice visual) I realized, that I do love living on my own. It's nice once you get use to it. And one of my good friends is my very next door neighbor, which is nice! We're cooking out on Monday.

I've convinced myself that those we don't speak of is dating his friends sister. I have no reason to think this, other than my womans intuition! Best of luck to them. He wasn't right for me. I'm beginning to realize that....and I'm holding out for the right one!

Tonight I am going to the bar. I cannot wait! I need some downtime! Of course, now I have to drink crap beer to watch calories since next week is the weight loss challenge, and I must win!

Last night at job #2 we sat by a guy we never sat by before. Turns out, he's crazy too! He talked to himself the entire night. Plus, he carries a purse. It isnt a bag, or a briefcase, its a PURSE! And its not a fashion statement, cus I dont think this guy knows what fashion means.

I went thru all my CD's last night to put them in my CD book, and came across an oldie! Brian McKnight, 'anytime'. My ex husband bought me that CD, when we were in high school, and broke up for a few months, because, he cheated on me! He played me that song, worked like a charm. I'm so glad I don't have my high school brain anymore! What I was thinking, I'll never know! lol! But, everything happens for a reason! I instantly popped it in and it brought back all those memories.....but they were good ones! I was SO head over heels over that guy! He did a lot to betray me and my trust, and hurt me a lot, but I was willing to stick it out with him. Nowadays, I think we call that, 'stupidity' but I sure did learn my lesson!!!!

I can’t remember why we fell apart/From something that was so meant to be, yeah/Forever was the promise in our hearts/Now, more and more I wonder where you are/Do I ever cross your mind, anytime/Do you ever wake up reaching out for me/Do I ever cross your mind anytime/I miss you/Still have your picture in a frame/Hear your footsteps down the hall/I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane/How I wish that you would call/To say miss youI miss you/(no more) loneliness and heartache/(no more) crying myself to sleep/(don’t want no more) wondering about tomorrow/Won’t you come back to me.

I got this in an email yesterday, and thought it was really funny, so I'm posting it.


There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their

I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat...

10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man,
and they would have married him anyway.

Today's Question:

If you could compile any 3 songs to wake up to (slowly) every morning, what would they be, and in what order?

1.)Madonna -I deserve it (Many miles, many roads I have traveled/Fallen down on the way/Many hearts, many years have unraveled/Leading up to today/I have no regrets/There's nothing to forget/All the pain was worth it/Not running from the past/I tried to do what's best/I know that I deserve it)

2.)Beautiful Life -Edwin McCain (It's a beautiful life/It's just as advertised/It's all for one low price/Just read the fine print, and you'll be content/With your beautiful life)

3.)Break Stuff -Limp Bizkit (Its just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up. Everything is fucked. Everybody sux. You don't really know why but want justify rippin' someone's head off.)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Return to Sender....

Just when you think your getting over someone, something happens to piss you off. It might seem trivial to some, but I got the mail last night, and I had several bills that had been sent to those we dont speak of's house before being forwarded to me. They said 'Return to sender does not live at this address'. UGH! It made me sick simply to see his handwriting! So, Im back to hating him today! Or like Eminem's 'Puke' .........'you make me fucking sick to my stomach everytime i think of you i PUKE!' I'm bitter.....and proud of it!

Despite my returned mail, I am in a pretty good mood today. My back hurts like hell. I have decided it isnt my kidney after all so I cant sue my Dr! Now its down my butt cheek and if I bend over my leg hurts. It has to be from sitting all the time cus I do nothing else, Only recently started working out again! Its really uncomfortable!

The little things that make me happy.....I got an email from amazon.com that my order shipped today! Its so fun to get things in the mail, I dont have time to shop so I do a lot of online shopping, gifts for meeeee! I got 2 of Carmen Electra's stripper videos! Well their teaching you how to strip, and one is hip hop. Their for exercise, I wont be applying my learning in any way.

In 7 months, I will be 30. I had planned on spending my 30th in Australia, but now, I wont get to go til next year! I don't know what Im going to do, but I do know i wont remember it!!!! I will drink my cares away! I dont really feel like I thought 30 would feel....Im happily suprised!

Last night while mindlessly typing at job #2, which, could make a pretty decent sequel to 'Office Space' with all the loons I work with, while eavesdropping on a coworker, I missed something she said, and I swear to god the first thing in my head was, hit rewind. I am not making this up, my mind is actually fried from too much TV! In particular, Tivo....its so easy to rewind. Why cant life be like Tivo? Oh, some day!!!

I applied my HTML knowledge from work, imagine that, it WORKS outside WORK lol! Anyhoo, this is my new fave happy bunny phrase. (In case you didnt know I stole 'Its all about me, Deal with it from Happy Bunny)

Today's Question:

If you had to pick one single physical characteristic about yourself that most resembles your mother or your father what would it be?

I have my dad's nose. Thank God because my mom's side of the family....woo hooo

(just kidd'n momma!)

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Sex on the beach with Orlando Bloom.....

So, Im grocery shopping, at my only leisure time, which is 9:30 pm with all the other oddballs.... And there it is, my future husband on the cover of Rolling Stone!! Not only was he hot as hell, but his title read 'Sex on the beach with Orlando Bloom' now, that is the ultimate fantasy right there! No one else could make me spend $4 on a magazine. We are destined to be together, he's a fellow animal lover! He wears his dogs tooth in a necklace! Hellooooo? That's totally me! ha ha! I'm framing it for my bedroom! One of my friends has Johnny Depp framed in her room but her husband hides him in the closet! LET JOHNNY OUT OF THE CLOSET!

Did I mention, I bought 10 bags of frozen vegetables, simply because they were on sale? They were 10 for $10 what would YOU do????????

Ok back to reality! Next week we start the dreaded weight loss challenge at work...I aspire, to win the cash pot! itll be around 50 bucks each month! It will inspire me to work out more. Then one of our vendors at work, brought us donuts. Why are donuts so evil?
If I work 2 jobs, take care of my pets, try to keep an active social life, and lose weight, I deserve some sort of freaking award! I am so stinking tired all the time as it is! When I finally do quit working a second job, what ever will I do with myself????

My horoscope today, is so me (im a sag):

Working with facts and figures has never been on your top-ten list of favorite things. You much prefer words, since words can create two things that just so happen to be on that list: humor and truth. Anyone who manages to provide you with a conversation that consists of either will be allowed to keep your company now, for as long as they like. Anyone who doesn't will be shown the door -- not directly, and certainly not rudely, but in very short order.

Today's Question:

If you were to name one choice in life that you would never want to make again, what would it be?

Ugh! Putting my pets to sleep!!! I have had to put down 2 of my cats, one was FeLv, and one was kidney failure. I still get a sick feeling thinking about it, it was about 8 years ago. It's just a hard decision to end a life, and to me, their my 'kids' so it was devastating!!! Of course, its better for them not to suffer, but its a huge burdon to bear!!!!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The birds and the bees

My friend got a bird in her basement last night, I told her I would help her catch it today and to just close the door and shed be fine. So we went on break to catch it, with a butterfly net! She was really afraid of a bird! I aspire to be the next Dr. Doolittle, so I don't scare easily where animals are concerned. It ended up being dead, the poor thing banged itself to death! I carried it out in the net and put it in a trash can, the poor thing! Let's have a moment of silence for the birdie!

So, did anyone else catch Tom Cruise on Oprah? This has really restored my faith in love!
There was a lot of talk about them doing this as a publicity stunt, but if so, Tom should get an academy award for his acting ability!! He was so cute! He couldn't contain himself on the show, from outbursts. I remember that feeling. I remember how exciting it is to be THAT in love!! I havnt been THAT in love since my ex husband though. The butterflies, the constant smiling, the feeling that you have found the perfect match for you!!! Hating to say goodbye!Unfortunately for me, he ended up hurting me a whole bunch in the end.
But I really do miss the intensity of it! I guess it is possible, the second, third, or fourth time around!! =)
So I have a better outlook today on love! Makes me wanna pick myself up and try again! Some day! Im still taking time to myself right now. I don't honestly have time for a relationship while working 2 jobs, because, I have a menegerie to take care of. And my only free time is on the wknds. I get home at 10, try to do some sort of exercise, try not to eat at 10 even though I am starving to death, feed the pets, play with the pets, brush the pets, and watch my tv shows, then go to bed to start all over! I can't complain, the money is nice!

Took my dog to the vet. She goes monthly for something or other, shes got chronic problems!
This time only cost me $55 not too shabby. She has impetago, if thats how you spell it. Ear infection, and yeast infection of the skin, you know, the usual! It's always something!

I had a fairly uneventful evening, just worked all night, i did make $56 at my second job, my average per 4 hour shift has been around 35-40. I hauled butt to make that much, so thats an accomplishment! I do peice work data entry in the evenings, ohhhhhh the excitement!!!!!

Today's Question:

If you had to name the best music album ever recorded what would it be?

My favorite would be Edwin McCain, 'Messenger'. While I love all of his albums, this one sums up most of his favorites for me, including 'Sign on the Door' which defines me. The lyrics are on my blog page under my profile. I never get sick of listening to this CD. All of his songs have meaning, and the way he sings, melts my heart! Sign on the door live, you cant just imagine! Its on his new DVD 'Tinsel and Tapshoes' and I so wish I could record it to CD, because it is so heartfelt......words cant describe it!
I also love Ghosts of Jackson Square.....it has feeling!
It also has the acoustic version of 'I'll Be' which will some day be played at my wedding. Every song on this album has meaning for me, in one way or another. 'Beautiful Life' is also a favorite, when life gets you down, this can pick you up! Until you have seen Edwin in concert, you cannot pass any judgement on this band! He gets a bad wrap as a 'Ballad Band' but they can ROCK, and they have so much fun and energy, yea, I'm slightly obsessed!
I MET Edwin last summer, he signed my shirt! I got my picture with him! I couldnt speak to him, I said 'I really like yer muuuuuusic'.......duh! lol!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Divide and Conquer!

Boy doesnt the wknd fly by?

Need a good cry? Watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It only makes you want to kidnap and ravage Ty Pennington even more, because hes hot, successful, annnnnd sensitive! I watched last sundays on Tivo this wknd, that guy who lost his wife, and was left with 3 small boys. ugh! Sad! But, crying is good for the soul, when it doesnt involve your own life!

I just wanted to watch a dvd....Another thing about break ups - Dividing up the goods! Those we dont speak of and I had an extensive DVD collection together, 297 to be exact. I'm down to 96 of my own. I know this, because I'm such a dork that I put them all into an access database. I marked each one comedy, drama, etc... and a short description of each movie. I had only finished the descriptions on about 20 so far. Its nice when people want to borrow movies, I created queries of just the horror, just the comedy, etc....

Anyways, Im left with 96 mostly scarey movies, because its my favorite genre. I could have taken movies that werent mine, because those we dont speak of was never up or home when I packed, and he never once even asked if Id like to stay....but that is so NOT the point!

An interesting tidbit, my best friend never saw Willie Wonka!! So I Tivo'd it and played her the Oompa Loompas. How can you have never seen the Oompa Loompas? Sheltered! What would the world do without Tivo? Or, is it just me? Id never see any good tv shows cus im working all the stinking time!

I opted to not go to the club Fri, instead I met my other friend/neighbor at a local bar for a drink. Ended up running into my best friends recent ex! and his new GIRLFRIEND! I guess it was inevitable that one of us would run into one of them sooner or later! dun dun dunnnnnnn...........I am happy to report, she looks and acts boring, and didnt talk to anyone, even though im pretty sure it wasnt her first time meeting the other people there. Didnt even laugh!

After a few minutes my friends ex said Hi to me and then 'arent you going to say hi to me?' and i just shrugged, i gave him the whattyawantmetodo shrug! (my mom and sister will know this as the 'i must have been stupid' shrug from Louie Andersons comedy show..or what would you do lady it was a nickel difference!)

No way I could act like my friend isnt still hurting over it! Thing is, this new girlfriend was my best friends good friend in school. So they know of each other! My other friend took her pic at the bar on someone elses phone, not that it was obvious! lol! Now I dread seeing MY ex!!!! UGH! I peeled off the labels from my bottles of bud, like the song, heard its a sign of sexual frustration so I peeled all the beer labels off then! LOL! Im hoping it passes, I hear that it does, and its not near as bad as it was at first! Time...you aint no friend of MINE!

I was MORTIFIED on saturday while going over fridays nights events w/my best friend, I told her I called her and someone hung up on me, we consulted our cellys to see what time, and along with my call to her, i see, that I called those we dont speak of, twice in the past week or so. My PHONE called him! I have a flat phone, not a flip, and even if i have on keyguard it still dials speed dials, or the internet, or who knows!!!! It has always done it, I really hope he didnt get some satisfaction out of it!!

I have a private number, but if my phone dialed him who knows what he'd hear me saying! One night was when I was out with my friends! UH OH! lol!
They were both around 11 pm. I do not want him to think I was calling him I felt so dumb, so i had to.........DELETE HIM from my phone! That felt weird, but it needed to be done! oh well! YOU ARE DELETED FROM MY PHONE THOSE WE DONT SPEAK OF! ...GOODBYE! (now just get out of my head and all will be fine!)

Yesterday got together w/my girls to watch Desperate Housewives, the finale. I hate that its over, it was so good! I KNEW Mike was Zachs dad!!! Only, I didnt know his old flame was the one in the toy chest! And how could they kill Rex? And Gabrielle is having the baby, that disappoints me, and Miguel told Gabrielles husband about their affair! *GASP*!! (i call the gardener Miguel, because he was on my soap Passions as that character and i dont remember his name on desp housewives)What a good espisode! So much can happen next season, and a new secretive family on the block!!!!

We also watched White Noise, about EVP's, which i strongly believe in! sppooooookkkkyyyyy! My tv turns channels sometimes when you hit the volume button so of course, i turned it down when i stopped the movie, and changed the tv to LOUD white noise, scarey! lol!

Next week I'm on vacation! Monday, th, and fri, and Mon!!!!! Im still working my second job, which stinks, but I wont be getting up early!!! YEEE HAAAA! Work work, work, hi ho, hi ho!

And in closing, this might not work and my mom might kill me, but this is hilarious!

See my mom in rare form:

Today's Question:

'If you had to describe your worst experience with blood, what would it be?'

Some of these are strange! Ok, what sticks out in my head is my ex boyfriend stepped on a ceramic dog bowl and broke it, and cut the bottom of his foot open and it bled so bad that it soaked a dish towel in no time. Im not good in the event of an emergency, I tend to run around and mumble things, and not do much help. It freaked me out cus it was so much blood.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Hippity Hoppity the wknd's on its way!!

TGIF! Friday never felt so good! On my way to work, i jammed out to Kelly Clarkson, 'behind these hazel eyes' yea, thats a good song for break ups!

**Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything, Opened up and let you in. You made me feel alright For once in my life. Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside' Cause I can't breatheNo, I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on.. Swallow me then spit me out. For hating you, I blame myself. Seeing you it kills me now. No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore...**

I actually had a mini epiphany last night over it all. Im sad. Im bitter. But, i think if he hadnt told me he didnt want to marry me id have hung on and obviously I wasnt happy either. Your past defines who you are today, and Ive had a sordid past. Those we dont speak of had a handful of relationships, I had buckets. And they were all pretty long, and pretty shitty. Kudos to me for not sticking around with yet another man who didnt want to be with me!

At least other guys were outwardly assholes to me, and made it obvious who they were. I had to find out on my own with this one! I have been through a lot in my short life, and he could never relate to it. Expected me to erase it and be perfect. I started counseling and everything to help myself. When you are use to men hitting you, belittling you, making you feel like dog shit, oh and even throwing dog shit inyour face for fun, thats hard to forget!! I thought he was my saving grace, but yet again I was wrong! He was good to me, but he couldnt handle me.

I had to become independant so I wouldnt be hurt again, and devastated. He couldnt handle that. He wanted a clingy girl with no life. His parents did a lot for him, where I have been more on my own, and I have a brother in town that needs help and he cant relate to any of that. One day the reality is his parents will die! and he will be devastated! I feel bad for him actually! Ive lost one already! If I were over it, id shell out his phone number....kidding, kidding!!!!! But, Im getting better! Because I kept my independance, im honestly not so devastated, Im really hurt, and sad for all we had together. And it bugs the piss out of me that I see things that remind me of him at the store that I know he would want.


But now, Im free to find the right guy. And I cant wait to find the guy I think about all the time, and can't wait to spend time with. I cant wait to find a guy who loves me and all my crazy quirks, and my pets who love me!

Im not desperate to find love this time, and its refreshing! I am worrying about myself and my future. I cant think a man will whisk me away and take care of me, what century IS this anyways?

Tonight my friend Bubba and I might go kickit after job #2 with a group of single gals. It always has to wait to see how we feel, cus working 2 jobs is harrrrrd! Plus, remember I have a rotting kidney. I cant stand for long periods!

There will be an 18 yr old in the group tonight. I realize, im 11 years older than her....when on earth, did THAT happen? Life just slips away from you! I dont feel like I thought I'd feel pushing 30, when I was 18!! i can remember staying with my sister, and she was around 24 and id say she was old! 30 isnt old! what was I thinking? Today is my sisters birthday too, but we wont reveal her age, lets just say she's STILL OLDER NAH NAH NAH! ha ha ha! I couldnt resist!

This just in!!! My sister sent me an e-card a coworker did for her at blue mountain, and this is perfect if you have a picture of someone you dont like! I had great fun messing with those we dont speak of! You can only send the ecard thru email, if you join, but you can create and laugh at them for free! www.veepers.bluemountain.com Pick 'make your own' and upload a picture. It moves the eyes, mouth, and head. You type in what you want it to say and choose the voice, and it will say what you typed! You can't make them say 'Im an asshole' though, it wont allow you to! but be creative! I was dying laughing doing this! What a great invention!!!!

Today's Question:

'If you were asked the most difficult thing you can imagine by your best friend, what would it be'

This is a tough one, and I think I should get to go thru the book and pick out good ones, but to be fair im picking them randomly. I would have to say, have a baby for her. Theres not much i wouldnt do for my friends, but that would be hard, because that is something I dont even want for myself, and to go through the experience for someone else would be truely selfless, but reallllllly difficult!! Unless it involved having sex with someone, cus then I might fake it at least, to get some action!!!! LOL!

Thursday, May 19, 2005


Well I made it past hump day, whodathunkit? My trip to work as usual was slow. I get behind people going 25 or 35 in a 45, and it adds to my road rage! COMEON FRIDAY!
I went to my Dr. on tuesday, because my kidney hurts, and I'm prone to kidney infections, I get one every year. He didn't test me, and gave me muscle relaxers, which I cant take because they cause drowsiness, and I work two jobs. Of course, I didnt speak up, I let him write out my scripts and paid my $52 and was on my way.

So, Im sitting here with a heating pad on, in pain. Let this be my legacy that if my kidney rots and dies, sue my Dr!

My new fave song of the week is 'Girlfight' by Brooke Valentine. Sometimes I imagine my car is a stage, and Im the main attraction. Im not a singer, I just love it!!! I have been listening a lot to Avril lavigne too. I dont even LIKE her, but her CD is really good, under my skin. And it is an EXCELLENT break up CD ladies! My personal favorite is #8.

Go listen!

Im looking forward to having a wknd 'in' and not going out. Im saving money you know! I have to pay off my new washer and dryer before November! And of course, theres my trip to Australia! (gon have some chik'n on tha barbie mates!) And, some day I'd like to quit working 2 jobs! Bleh!
But, I consulted with Tivo last night as to what was on this wknd, and recorded accordingly. Im somewhat disappointed that it hasnt found me any new Orlando Bloom to watch! Mainly, it would record LOTR. When your single, its important to lust over hot celebrities. Because, its safe, you wont go running off into the sack with them! Well, if the opportunity came up, but I dont see anyone coming to my neck of the woods!!!! Anyhoo, the MUPPETS are on friday! I cant wait to come home and watch the muppets, I dont ask for much! I got some beer, some food, some tv! and Cleaning products! woo hoo!!!! Doncha just wish you were me?

An interesting tidbit from the workplace, at my second job I work with some special people, and some people who just arent right. Its true, they really are mentally challenged, good for them for working, but it makes for an interesting job!! We have one guy, who digs in the trash each night, to feed his dog. Why you got a dog you can't feed? Well last night, he was eating salad with his fingers, he digs in the trash. Never a dull moment!

Upon arriving home Tues night one of my cats didnt greet me at the door, she stood on the stairs staring. This could mean only one thing, BUG! There was a large black spider, it was about dime size, thats a big spider to me, it was fat! I had to smash it 3 times with my book to kill it! Normally the cats eat up all the bugs for me, but this one was too big I guess! Yet another thing about being single....killing your own bugs. Im adding that to my list of accomplishments!!

Today's Burning question:

If you could give one thing to each of your ex lovers, what would it be?

This is a tough one. Because, Ive had some doozies for exes!!! Mostly, w/the exception of those we dont speak of smashing my heart to bits out of the blue, ive normally been screwed over, and cheated on. So, in the spirit of payback, I have to have 2 answers. Because I'd really love them to all get herpes, because it isnt curable, and theyd have it forever, but it wouldn't kill them...but not if that means I would have to be the one to give it to them, cus I dont want it.
So, second choice, would be to give them all babies! Not their girlfriends, THEM, and they have to take care of them! That would teach them to be assholes! It is my new wish actually, for those we dont speak of, I use to wish him death, for hurting me (hey, it sucks to get dumped) but I realized thats not right, so now I always say I hate him, I hope he has a baby!!!! Cus, those we dont speak of having a baby would be like me having a baby, not a good idea!!!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Happy 2 Months of Freedom!

I try to be positive, so this is my title. 2 months today, since the big break up w/TWDSO.

What bothers me more is that I'm certain he isnt sitting around, thinking about how today is 2 months since we broke up! So, why am I? I dont want to devote too much time to those we dont speak of, because Ive been trying to look ahead, and not behind!

I just never had an explanation as to why we broke up, just that we had no future. Who says that?

The concept of breaking up never came up. We didnt even have fights! Well, we just wouldn't talk. I guess that's sort of the same...huh? Im not devastated, but hurt. Maybe that's a sign? I mean, we DID live together. And the thought of sex with him kinda grossed me out. I think I'm just lonley. lol

I can't wait to meet the man I cant live without! I do miss that excitement. I just need to get my own things handled first! .....*sings* 'if i were a rich girl, nah nah nah...........'

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The first time....

This is my first time, I'm a virgin. Ive been journaling for about 20 years, but I dont have as much time to do that anymore, so this is the next route.
Today I'd like to discuss my new found freedom. And the thing about being single again, is that you tend to go a little 'man crazy'. You got one, you dont care, you dont got one, where the men at? And why do women feel the need to go back to exes? Ive heard a thousand times that your ex is your ex for a reason. Which is true! But still I kept in touch with one such ex! And even though we both know we drove each other nuts, we still talk. We make better friends. But we discuss more than friendship!

I dated 'those we dont speak of' as we will refer to my recent ex, 4 years. He knows who he is, the one that I have to survey parking lots for to make sure I dont run into! We broke up March 18, the day after our 4 year anniversary. After not speaking for 2 weeks, which was normal for us because, God forbid you talk about things. Did I mention we lived together? I moved out of the bedroom the last few weeks we were together, and we lived like strangers! I moved in with him for 3 years. I promised myself before I met him, that I wouldnt give up my independance unless I was engaged. Rule #1, dont break promises to yourself! Because Now, 4 years later he doesnt want to marry me. And who wouldnt want to marry me? Im a likeable gal, some day my prince will come! It's the first break up I've had that was I guess mutual, even though I was perfectly content. I guess why settle for contentment, when there is happiness to be had in the world?

So, today I stole his magazine subscription. Now, before you think it was wrong, I paid for the stupid thing!! And, I deserve it. Its the least I could get out of 4 years. He wanted to be my friend, but how are you friends with someone you loved? Um, hello?

So, in closing, Single is not a disease! Society tries to make you think that!