Discount Employee...

All I know is that today I'm as tired as they come. I can hardly wait until next week whenI have to work 16 hours after working a 40 hour week. Boy, it doesn't get any better than this people. I need to go to bed before freaking midnight. It's hard for me to do, because I feel like it's a wasteto be home for a few hours and go to bed. So much to do, so little time.

I think I have successfully lost all the chocolate bulge I gained, as my ass and thighs aren't squashed into my pants like last week. It's the little things. Men wonder why 'secretaries' get fat then all they send them for Christmas is chocolate? It's a conspiracy I tell you.

Today I'm sitting with the boss, to plan out my next few weeks in my planner with what reports I'll do, and when. Then I have to also do newsletters, and awards. The sales people get a billion awards a month and we get nothin. Let the complaining begin. It's my nature. I'm going to be a busy bee, as all the VP's are in for the next twoweeks, that means they need crap, and get a billion calls. It'll be a true test. I also have to find a bunch of quotes for 2 of my VP's for them to pick one for their newsletter. Being creative wasn't part of the job description m'kay?

Speaking of tests, I have to successfully explain how to do my job to my boss soon. It's all part of their training, to be sure you learn. They seem impressed that they show me something onceand I'm doing it. I don't find that impressive, I think it's common sense to take notes when you learn something so you can do it on your own, but, whatever. Be impressed, fine by me! Girl at work got a $200 ring for $50. I can't wait til my 90 days is up. I want somethiiiiiin!!

Wanna know something retarded I did at work? We have two District mgrs with the same name only 1 letter is different, the second letter of their last name. I set up a conference call for one andemailed BOTH ladies store mgrs that they had a mandatory conference call like an asshole. I even set it up for 28 vs 14 people. So I had to try to recall the one sent in error which I hope worked or I'm gonna feel like a total asshole. That is my new girl dumbshit moment of yesterday. But, I set the call up with no problem. That's the upside!

So I love the Bath and Body Breathe line. Yum diddily um dum! A girl at work gave me Serenity, andI got myself Delightful. It's like a lil slice of heaven to my senses.

What are your exciting New Year's plans? Hmm, not as exciting as mine I'm sure. I'm going to see Edwin! I cannot wait, can't wait. I don't know if we should stay up in Cleveland afterwardsor truck it back to Akron. I don't even know what my friends are doing. All I know is this is my last free weekend, there will be much drinking, and much sleeping to be had by yours truly. I want some of that yummy amish wine but I'll just drink it all. I might get some white zinfendel or champagne instead. *sigh*

On Tyra yesterday I saw a girl who eats paper to lose weight. I thought this was dumb, so my New Years resolution this year, is not to eat paper to lose weight. You know, somethingI can keep to.

When "positive" is a good thing...

I watched the most interesting thing on Ellen a while back. These people were ontalking about the power of thought. There was some movie they did called "The Secret"I think you have to buy it. Anyway it was just about how you bring into your life the good and the bad by the way you think. This goes along with my favorite phrase, 'you don't become what you want, you become what you believe'. Positive thinking. I'm a believer. So the guy said to sit and meditate on what you want in your life every day, block out all distractions, and think soley of what you want. Eventually it will come into your life. Don't just think about it, picture yourself doing it, achieving it, in the situation. It's all about the fact that we subconsiously put into place the steps to get us where we want to be.

So, I was unemployed when I saw it. And CP had been a dick to me. So at first I tought about hooking up with someone else. A lot. It happened! Next, I thought about a job. Which, was hardnot having a job to think about besides the one I got canned from. But once I interviewed at my current job, that was all I thought about. I pictured myself at work, and working on the things they said the job entailed.

I got the job. I thought about CP acting like a decent human being to me...and now he is. I still don't believe it, so I'm not getting sucked back in but still...You have to admit its coincidental.
Which started me thinking about this whole positive thinking thing. I'm not talking about thinking "I wish I had a job" it's setting time aside to devote to meditation.

I decided the next thing I would draw into my life would be money. They said on the show if you want more money, not to think about debt, because most people think about their debt and draw more debt into their lives, then wonder why "I'm always in debt". To attract money, picture yourself with money, how you would live, what you would do, imagine being prosperous. So, uh, I did. A lot.

And wouldnt you know, life pulled it to me? First, I got that last severence check that will really help me out. Then..I got that second job. Yes, I know I said I didn't get it. Because the guy told me if I didn't hear from him by 7 that Friday night, I didn't get it. So I still sat and thought about having money. Working a second job. Honestly, I pictured myself working at the police station. Yesterday, I got a call from the temp service, offering me the job. I know it sounds like a load of crap, but I'm telling you, the mind is a powerful thing.

I start the second job next Thursday and Friday at 6. I'm not sure when I'll be working yet but it's suppose to be weekends and some weeknights 'as needed'. So...there you have it. I will have money for savings. Money to pay off credit cards, money to pay the government, and live. I wouldn't have had this money if I didn't get let go from my job. Weird how that happens, one bad thing can turn into a positive. I knew eventually I'd find the good in it.

My new thought is buying a condo. I'd like a house, but I don't want the responsibility being a single woman of all the upkeep, and a condo seems better to me. Plus, I need to move closer to work. A 30 minute drive is for the freaking birds. Wish me luck!

P.S. I have the warmest most snuggly bed in the world and I hate getting out of it.

When In Doubt Hide Your Money...

Another Day...another dollar. At least it's hump day, right? Yesterday at work, was a long day. I had nothing to do. I had nothing I could even pretend to do. Then one girl showed me some
reports I'll manipulate for the newsletters each VP does, which was mildly informative. Mostly boring. It was a long day. The only call I got was from a guy in loss prevention, stating one of my VP's stores couldn't open because the gate was broken. It would be 2 weeks until it was fixed. All the VP's are on vacation. And I'm the new girl.

I was in such a shitty mood which I'll blame on my maybe having PMS, if not, it's an excuse to be a bitch. I'm normally so bright and cheerful you know.

Today I found out one of the other secretaries is a fellow celebrity stalker. How awesome is that? She liked a guy from the show "In a Fix" and on an episode the guy's brother was on and
they showed the muffler shop where he worked. She found it online and called him last Fourth of July. She said he was so nice, she never did ask for his brothers phone number. I said that was the most awesome thing ever, and she must help me stalk Edwin. Er, I mean, contact him. *never publicly admit you've reached stalker status* I mean I told them I'm going to Edwin but uh, they know not the true obsessiveness that I posess.

Speaking of secretaries, they call us "admins" around here. Back in the day we use to call admins an 'ass' which is short for assistant. So...I guess I'd rather be and admin than an ass.

Celina wanted to know how well my rubber cake pan worked. Pretty nifty I must say. I had a 2 layer square cake. It was pretty awesome. It came right out of the pan too.

I did a billion things at home last night, changed sheets, washed the comforter, dishes, swept and mopped, vacummed, showered, 3 loads of laundry. Gave Fizzgig a bath. Yea, the cat. Which was a treat in itself. They get bathed about once a year. Persians never seem to do the job 100% on their own. Mostly they just make that horrible yowl like you are killing them but other than that their pretty good. Sometimes I think my work is never done.

I'm still on the hunt for a second job. Although, I did get more money from the old job than I expected in my last severence check. I am unsure what to do with it. I could pay off a credit card, or save it. I'm afraid if I save it the government will just take it from me. Seeing how I owe them for my taxes last year. Bastards. I'm afraid if I pay off a credit card, something will happen and I'll need that extra money. I could pay my taxes, but it's tax time again and they can just keep their freaking money. Making decisions blows. Um...it's December 27, and I have yet
to purchase my liscense tags. Here in Ohio you renew them on your birthday,
which was the 14th. Soon...I'll be breaking the law. I blame the Jackson police department for not hiring me.

Christmas is Over The goose got Fat...

Did everyone have a fun Christmas? It didn't seem like Christmas. No one but me was in the Christmas mood. As usual. What did you get from Santy Claus? I got Pirates two from my brother, hours of hot men for my personal viewing pleasure. Mom got me PJ pants with Cartman from South Park, they say "Whatevah" and "I do what I want" from the best episode ever, when Cartman goes on "Maury Povich". I cracked up. I got slipper socks, socks, a lamp, a sheep you dress up for the seasons, cat calendar, War of the roses (one of my favorite movies), Coasters for the stages of drunken-ness, towels, Momma made scarves, ummmmmm.....I can't remember everything. It's hard. But that's what I remember Mkay?

Saturday CP took me to Amish country to get wine. Mind you, I bought 4 bottles "for Christmas" and we drank 2 1/2 that night, then we went out to the Beir Haus with My brother and Kat at 11:30. That shit is the best wine ever. I encourage everyone to drink it. Rodeo Red. It's grape-y. MMMMM.

I kicked everyones asses in Silverstrike Bowling, as usual. Some things never change. I got a 160. Kat got pulled over on the way to the bar. A few weeks ago, she got a speeding ticket too. She has some kind of bad mojo when going out. So CP followed her to my house and drove her back. Since he was the sober driver. Men are good for some things you know.

When we got home, I sang that Who-song from the Grinch, only I don't know any of the words, so it went something like, "trim up the tree with whosaflats, jingle joobs and mussle tops" I was completely amused with myself.

Yesterday, on Christmas, me and my brother went to see Black Christmas. What's better on Christmas than a horror movie? Pretty much nothing. Only, it wasn't the best movie ever. But it was only $3.75 at this place by my house. They got cheap rates!

The best thing I did over the weekend, was I got tickets to see Edwin McCain. We know how much I love Edwin don't we? Guess what? He's ringing in the new year with ME! Uh-huh, you heard me right. New Year's with Edwin! I'll hear him sing Auld Lang Syne. However the fuck you spell it. I'm taking my damn camera this time too. I always forget, and I'm always pissed. I'm even getting another memory card, so I can take video. Ohhhhh the countdown begins. Only, I couldn't afford to get tickets any sooner, so I had to choose to get them at "will call" they besta have my god damn tickets when I get there, or someone will be sorry, and it wont be me m'kay?

I didn't get that job at the police station. I rushed there Friday to sit around for 20 minutes, and then meet with 6 people who asked me 1 question. Why did I want the job. Then the chief said that if I didn't hear from him by 7, I wouldn't hear from him. And...I didn't hear from him. Screw that mess. I've been trying to get that job since October. Now, I have to find another second job. Good luck to me.

Now? I'm one of 4 people on my entire side of the building. No bosses. That means I have nothing to do. Which means, my day is going to drag horribly. I've been here an hour and the phone rang one time. I'm going to think about how I'm not eating for a week. I am so freaking tired of food. Food food food. And my boobs hurt. And I'm bitchy. I think after 5 months, I'm finally having a period. Yea, I should go to the Dr, but um, I cant afford health insurance.

Ho Ho Ho...

Today I made it to work in about 15 minutes. Normally about a 30 minute drive. I also got to park about 1 mile vs. 2 miles from the building. That just means everyone in the free world is off but me. Bah Humbug. I can't express how tired I am. And...how much it will suck working 2 jobs again. I only had 7 months break from it. Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work I go. I drove to the town hall which is near the police station I'll work at, and it took me 45 minutes. How's that for a fun trip. It's only 15 min from my house. I'm just hoping I don't have to work many days after work like I did before. But not having weekends off will also suck. Let's face it, work sucks no matter how you look at it.

Speaking of looking, I was thinking the stupidest thing. Have you ever thought about how animals go their whole lives without seeing themselves? I mean sure, some of them look in the mirror, but most don't. Does that mean they think they look like whatever is around them? Do the cat's think their like me? Or the dog? It might seem like a silly thought, but if you really think about it, you could ponder it for a long while. Like Steve Martin in "The Jerk" "I'm not black??!!"

So I got all the pictures off my camera, but CP did something to the photo editing program I used on the computer. I no findie. So, I have to use stupid microsoft editor which blows. Hopefully I'll have some pics posted over the weekend. I love to make you wait. Like I think you are on pins and needles. Humor me. Some day...I'll have the internet, like real people do. Won't that be fun? I'll have no life, but by dandy I'll have a computer. I miss myspace. Is that sick or what?

So at work I've been officially let go on answering the phones. Not like it's that big a deal, we all answer them, and I ran the damn switchboard at that shithole I worked at for 7 years. But you get the stupidest questions. Not knowing where to send them sucks, but I know it comes with time. We're only suppose to deal with district managers, and vice presidents but we get many a disgruntled store employee, or customer. Have I mentioned how helpful I am?

What's for Christmas dinner? I usually make a turkey, or some sort of chicken bake. I think I'm making crock pot chicken, and homeade au gratin potatos. Hopefully get my brother to make a salad or lasagna or something from work. He also better bring the cookies. I might have opened a present the other night from my mom and sister, but I can't say for sure or they'll be mad at me. But if I did open a gift, it would be one of those nifty rubber baking dishes that you plop cake out of when you bake it. Since that is what it might be, I might make a cake.

Merry Christmas Everyone!! Hope santa brings you lots of goodies!!

Cus I like to Complain...

It's almost Christmas time. What does this mean? I watched the Grinch and I thought, it still comes without presents, but is it the same? I have presents under the tree from my mom and sister, but I havn't given any. Giving is actually fun. Who wudda thunk it? My leaning Christmas tree has not fallen over again. It wants to. Have I mentioned yet, that they play Christmas muzak in the halls and bathrooms at work? Yea, it's festive. It seems like every time I have to piss, I hear Feliz Navidad. I use to think it was a fun song. Not so much anymore.

I don't even get paid for the holiday. What a bunch of shit. 90 days for me. I also have to wait 90 days to buy anything from the store at the office. I want something. Not that I can afford it. I brought a couple things in for my desk. You know, my red swingline stapeler, and pics of the "kids". I don't want to get too comfortable. Getting the boot after 7 years scares the shit out of you.

Wanna hear somethin funny? Old coworker keeps emailing me cus she can't do half the shit I did. Know something funnier? I tell her I don't remember. Guess what else? It takes her 3.5 days to do a newsletter it took me 2 hours to do. Sounds like their really saving money there. Assholes. She said she hates her job now. That place is going to hell in a handbasket, and when they get there, I'm going to poke at them with my pitchfork (cus of course I'll be there too). Poke poke, how's that feel fuckers?

I have not baked a cookie. It really doesn't seem like Christmas people. That's what happens when your life's turned upside down.

This weekend CP is taking me back to Walnut Creek to get more of that yummy wine from the winery. I love it. I want to bathe in it. Grapes are good for your skin you know.

Tomorrow, I'm suppose to meet with the Board of Trustees at the police department I interviewed with a while back. For the part time job, weekends, and some week nights. I really don't look forward to having no life again. Why does it have to cost so much to live? Have I asked this latley? Um, how do people afford kids? Seriously. I have 2 credit cards and a car payment, and I make what some people consider decent money, and I'm poor. What the fuck?

Signed Sealed Delivered.....

So, I never had a chance yet to mention my contract. Last Friday I met CP for lunch for a pre-weekend get together. He got me flowers, and took me to lunch and handed me a packet of stuff to look at. Coupons for things like massages, and dinner for our weekend get away. One of the things included was a contract of the heart. I read it and laughed to myself I thought, this is kinda hokey. It had things on there like "I'll never abandon you, never do drugs again, have my checks deposited to your account" stuff like, he was suppose to do before and neglected to do so. But at the end, I saw it had a notory seal on it. I said "did you have this notorized?" "Yes" he said. The girl at the bank thought it was sweet. I thought the girl at the bank doesn't know what you put me through either. Right?

I said its the only way ill trust him. I can't entertain living together again after all the BS he put me through. I'd love to cus I am seriously hard up for cash flow. Last night he said he is giving me his computer for Xmas. Now all I have to do is lower my car insurance and a medical bill and I might afford the internet. Yay for me. I know how much his computer means to him, so I guess it's cool. Only time will tell what will happen with us. I told him I feel stupid for even talking to him after how he treated me. Men.

P.S. I still love my new job so far. Yay me.

Diamonds are a girls best friend....

Today, at work, one of the secretaries VP's got her pearl earrings m'kay? I doubt I get anything so nice being only here for a week. But still...Imagine the possibilities. I got a truckton of chocolate from one of my VP's. I ate most of it. I'm a lard. Ugh.

Today I like work even more. I know, I'm queer. I started answering the phones, and I got to help people. I'm nice on the phone. Tomorrow we are going out for a department lunch. The VP's are paying. Sweet.

That's all for now. Me and CP aren't officially together. But I did tell him the whole truth about my goings on with the other man. Ahem. We weren't together, but I had to clear the air. I feel better about it all. We are dating I suppose. I'll write more about it when I have more time. Did I mention how I can't barely afford to live? Oh, cus I can't. I sure need a second job!

Miss Me?...

It's been forever since I could update. What, with starting a new job and all. You guys even missed my birthday yesterday...my BIRTHDAY. I see how it is. I'm now the big 31. It didn't seem like my birthday, I didn't tell anyone at work. Boo hoo. I met Bubba after work for dinner, and we had a beer. Her treat. Awesome. She got me a nice bathrobe, which I always wanted and never had. I'm going out of town this wknd with CP. He got us a cabin for my birthday. I know what you are thinking, but shut up. We're "friends" and more. Nothing official. I'm doing what the hell I wanna do. Ya hurr?

So far the new job seems to be too good to be true. Everyone is really nice, and laid back. My Vice Presidents are even cool. Can you believe that? I have three, they each have about 10 district managers, and I handle them all. It's a totally different world than the plant business, that is for sure. But I like a challenge. I'll be doing a lot of reports, mail, answering the phone. Trying to remember to answer each VP's line "so and so's" office and my line different is a joy. I think once I get the hang of it, I will really fit in and like it. I got a fancy schmancy Franklin Covey planner that I have to keep track of everything in, it's like...a requirement or something. That's hard to get use to, but it'll be a habit soon.

The building I work in is huge. Mind you, I literally worked in a barn for 7 years. Now I work in this huge place with three buildings, and about 3,000 employees. I don't get around much for fear of getting lost. Of course, I know where to smoke. We have our own cafeteria, and even a jewelry store inside. I can't wait to buy myself something. Um, at cost. Muh ah-ah-ah ahhhh.I'm going to be blinged out ya'll. That is, once I can afford to live. This pay cut is going to kill me. I'm barely able to pay my monthly bills and I need to figure something out. That is without getting the health insurance. I have 3 months to decide if I want it or not. Hopefully in that time I can get a second job.

Funny thing happened this week. One of my friends who shall remain nameless but she knows who she is, failed her drug test for her job. We met on a lunch break, and I gave her my pee. Is that true friendship, or what? Needless to say we passed. Yay for us!

Hopefully starting next week I can update again daily. I hate when people don't update. And here I am. Being a hippocrite. Piss off. I'm actually allowed to get online during my breaks and lunches. Yea, like I said...too good to be true.

The One Where I'm Gainfully Employed...

So boys and girls, I'm officially employed. I accepted a position as of 3 p.m. today. I'll be working for a jewelry supplier in the corporate office. Store operations secretary is my official position. I swear it was like getting into the CIA or something. They did a credit, driving, and criminal background check on me, plus a drug test. Of course, I passed it all. Apparently all the jewelry ships to the corporate office and is resent to the stores, so I have to be trust worthy. I start Monday. I can't believe I start already. It's been a month, but the good thing is I'll get a pay check from my severence, and my new job at the same time. Yay!

The day I interviewed there, they called to move forward with the testing, and then the police station called me for an interview. They need a part time person to work in the station at the desk. I need a part time job to make up for the money I'm not making at my new job. $2.14/hr less. The new pt job will be weekends, and a few evenings. They seemed really interested in me and even offered me a full time position. You know, when it rains it pours.

Today, I got a call for an interview at a furniture store, and a manufacturing company. I hadn't accepted my position yet, and so I set them up for next week. Now I'll have to cancel them all.

I got my birthday wish, a job. This weekend I'm going to a Christmas party for my previous employer. They invited me but not my old dept. Eat that bitches!

So, this weekend I am going to celebrate. If I don't have too much fun at the shin dig I'm going to kick it at 80's night. The theme this month is 80's dance hits. Hell yea. Unfortunatly I can't get my wig split until next Tuesday.

Thank you to everyone for their positive comments and thoughts, I am certain they helped me get a job, that I think I'll enjoy. If not, as my friend Katie says.....It's just a job.

When In Doubt, Sell Yourself...

Well, I just got through with my interview. It lasted for an hour and 45 minutes. Good? I think it went pretty well. I feel good about it. I met with two women in the department I would work in, both were really nice, and seemed easy-going like myself. They asked me really hard questions that I felt stupid answering. Like...what is your mission statement. Huh? My what? Like, in Jerry Maguire??? Needless to say I fumbled through that one, like a dumbass.

After that portion, the supervisor had me sit at her desk and do a bunch of things to an excel document, and email them to her. She came back and checked what I did and I did one thing wrong, and she showed me how to do it, I said I had never done that before, but it was a neat function. (duh) After that though, she had me meet with her boss. He wasn't expecting me, and told me he knew nothing about me, but the fact that I was sitting in his office meant that I at least knew excel, and they liked me.

He said he liked to get to know people by talking, so we talked a lot. He looked, and acted just like the guy from Scream, Matthew Liliard. Seriously. He was really easy to talk to, and I was at ease, and acted myself. He said I seemed like a really sweet girl, and wanted to know if I could hold my own when dealing with difficult people, so I relayed many difficult situations to him, and we laughed.

After I met with him, I met with the supervisor again, and she showed me some merge documents they do, and I said I was very familiar with merging, I did it with letters and labels all the time.

The job will be working for three vice presidents, there are 12 each three each have a secretary. I know I could do the job, so I hope I get it. It's a huge company, 2,000 people just in the building I would work in. I think my last job had um, like...45. It also only took me about 20 minutes to get there, so it's the closest job I've applied for. I have some other applications out still.

Next week is my birthday. Let's hope I get a JOB for my birthday, shall we? Cus then, I get get my damn hair done!

Don't Need Nothin But a Good Time...

I might finally have recovered from my weekend! Friday night was so freaking awesome! We got to meet Bret Michaels...no, we got to go on the TOUR mutha fucking BUS mkay? How awesome is that?

We stood in the freezing cold until they called the VIP's to the front. Thank god, because I had a few beers before hand and I had to piss like you wouldn't believe. There was a special seating section for us, but it was at the back of the dance floor, so we opted not to sit there in favor of having a much better view of his hotness. We had lots to drink. Shots. Of crown. Bleh. The radio DJ told us that Bret was sick, so we were sorta worried we wouldn't get to meet him, but when he told us we would get to go on the bus, that's all we talked about.

Oh we had a perfect view of him.




I kept trying to take that dudes khaki hat in front of me for Bethie's sister, she said she wanted it. And I was drunk, so shut up.

The same with my videos, it was hard to stand still to take pictures and videos. One, I had like 8 beers, and several shots. Two, you can't stand still when you're rocking out to songs like, talk dirty to me, and fallen angel. Ya hurr?



Here's a few more concert pics







And I saved the best for last! After the concert, they ushered us to the back door of the club, all official-like. Dude who worked for Bret said I'll knock on the door and you come out. There was 8 of us who got to go on the bus. We lined up, and they told us to go on the bus and "have a seat". You know, have a seat on the bus with Bret, like we're old friends!

Once on the bus, Bethie showed him an old magazine she brought with all these old pictures of him and Poison, he got a kick out of it, and told her to scan it and email it to him. Yea, like everyone emails Bret Michaels.

I'm linking these pics so I can keep their size, so be sure to clickity click for the good ones. We got our autographs. (Um, you might get to see some package in that one I like to think you can) And we got our pictures! This is Bethie and Bret. And if I ever took a good picture with a famous person, I might die the next day. But, this is me and Bret. Nowhere near as horrible as my picture with Edwin though.

And, in true stalker fashion, I took this one of the shit he had on the bus, you know to see what he likes to eat and drink. Saves you from digging through the trash and whatnot!

He was totally cool. Asked if we had a good time, said he wasn't feeling that great and he apologized. We of course, said we had a blast. You know, he's just a regular guy. It's so hard not to get starstruck though!

He gave everyone a guitar pic...but I didn't get one. But he was awesome about it, he said not to leave, he was going to get one for me. I didn't get sold out, I got my pic! Isn't he the sweetest ever? *swoon*

Kat wanted me to grab his crotch, which is always easy to say when you aren't there. That dear readers is the kinda girls I roll with. After we got off the bus, we met Bethie's sister and her friend on the sidewalk screaming. Everyone was jealous. Which was awesome. I've stood outside many an Edwin bus in my lifetime. I know how it is folks. Eventually, you get your lucky day.

I had to pee so bad on the way home from Bethies. So bad. So, when I got home I peed my pants. Because I knew I was home I guess. I woke up to my draw's in the sink, my pants in the tub. Half eaten vegetable lasagna in the kitchen, a 'lost' bank card, my autograph next to my bed, and me on the couch, watching the original Real World on DVD, in a t-shirt and no draws with an afghan and no pillow. Um, I passed the fuck out. At some point I got up and threw up vegetable lasagna because that was in the toilet. This is why I like my beer. I don't ever get sick from it. Oh well, I met Brett Michaels!

Here are a couple of videos that I took. Don't be disappointed. I didn't have enough memory to keep the long ones, and have some pictures. When I ever get a job, I am getting a spare memory card. It's still kinda cool to see!


This is one of him Jamming before singing "I won't forget you" telling us that we helped make it their first big hit.

And this one is "Every rose has its thorn" which, besides Talk dirty to me, has to be Poison's best song ever.

And, as I was sitting at kat's house, posting my awesome experience, with a smelly fish breath Conley on my lap...I got a call for an interview tomorrow morning! I have to nail this. It's the one at the Jewelry company. It pays decent. It's not THAT far from home, and they have a fitness center. AND the workday starts at 8:30. That's a far cry from 7:45 which I did for 7 years. Mkay? Good thoughts. Send me positive thoughts. I need all the help I can get. Only the second interview in a month.

How To Be Jealous Of Me...

How to be jealous of me. Read the next sentence. I'm going to meet Brett Michaels. Read the next sentence. You know, the lead singer of Poison!!

Bethie won the tickets from the radio station, and then she won the meet and greet too! She fucking wins everything! Why can't you win the damn lottery girl? Oh well, This is pretty close. Nothing like my meeting Edwin, but then, no one can compare. I know she will be a blubbering fool like I was "uhhh, I really love your music" the stupidest 6 words you can say to someone you idolize. Idiot. I can't wait for tonight. No worrying about a JOB for a few hours!

CP did fix my friggin tree. It's standing upright now. Put some more lights on the burned out area. Sheesh. I put the downstairs tree up last night, and the stand is broken on that one, and it leans to the side. I had to hammer the pole crooked to stand it up straight. WTF is up with my holiday? Isn't it bad enough I can't buy any gifts? Then I constructed a kitchen tree. It's a little 12" tree that I put in a mixing bowl, and attached a silver angel cookie cutter to the top, and some santa, gingerbread men, and tree cutters to the rest of it. White lights round out the cuteness of my tree. I'm so full of the holiday spirit, I make myself sick. Pictures will be coming.

CP went out last night without me. He did invite me but I declined. I thought it would be good for him to get out and meet other people. He says that he met some chick and got her digits. Of course that bothers me a little, but I really think that we should explore other options. I think he just misses the comfort of our relationship. He keeps trying to make up for what he did, but you really can't once the damage is done, ya know? Trying to be friends....we will see how that all pans out.

Have you found a damn job yet? No....no, I havn't. This week though, I did apply for some good ones, and I'm hoping to get some calls. Now that Bubba got a job (yea, that hooch got hired before me!) that's one less person hogging up all the interviews in town. I'm happy for her. But, of course, I wish it were me. I applied to a jewlery corporate office today, Bubba got a call for an interview for this position, so if I don't, with all my experience, something is just wrong! They have a fitness center on site. And an employee discount, AND it's making a smidge more than my minimum required salary. Send me some good vibes people, this could be it for me!

While watching the biggest loser, I decided I should devote 99% of my unemployed ass to working out, and try to get certified to be a personal trainer. Those fuckers make a buttload of dough doing private sessions. The funniest things occur to you when you are pretty much taking up space in your own life. I keep thinking, this time in my life is suppose to teach me something. What am I suppose to learn? Life sucks? I already know that! I hate change, so maybe I'm suppose to embrace it. Hello, um...God? It's not working. I don't like it anymore than I did before I was canned and lost a relationship. Stop fucking with me. I do ask him every night to give me some direction. Then, I have crazy fucked up dreams that make no sense.

Last night I dreamt about a huge swimming pool. People were in some sort of Nascar swimming competition. Yea, I said Nascar and swimming. Then the guy I hooked up with a while ago had an outgoing message on his answering machine about my ex boyfriend 'Z'. Apparently he fucked him over. Don't ask me where this shit comes from, cus I have no idea. If this is a message from God, I need an interpreter. Please.

I'm off to apply for more jobs. Yippee. In 13 days I will be 31. I really didn't picture myself here at 31 for real. I thought I would be totally set in my life. I guess I make some shitty choices. Time to start making better ones I suppose. Oh yea, did I mention that I get to meet Brett Michaels tonight? Just checkin!!!

Bloody Wednesday...

I had the creepiest dream last night. I was up until 4 a.m. and again at 5, unable to sleep. I dreamt about my grandma's house being haunted. A bunch of people were staying there, one being the ex TWDSO, and his new girlfriend. I was seeing the boy I recently was with, and CP was there, my mom, my sister, and some strangers. Everyone had their heads chopped off like in the show Hero's. It was pretty disturbing. Me and the boy were last to be murdered, Friday the 13th style, while having sex. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I was the only survivor. What the hell do you suppose that means?

You know CP never read my blog the entire time we were together, but he decides to read it now that there may be someone else to read about. Men. I dunno what I even want right now so I don't know how to react to how he has been acting. It's nice to have someone around that cares about you. I do require a lot of attention. But mostly, I think I'm destined to find a great job, and THEN worry about men.

I actually worked out yesterday. It felt good, I get Fit TV now that I have no cable channels, and I Tivo a lot of workouts. I learned some hip-hop dancing last night. I'm bout to tear it up on the dance floor some day.

Monday I put the tree up. CP came and helped me. The damn thing fell over face first and busted some bulbs. We put some weights on it to hold it up, and last night I'm watching TV yelling at Fizzgig, who I think is in the tree then she sits next to me. It's the tree falling centimeter by centimeter. I pushed the fuckign thing into the corner against the wall so it won't fall. A brand new string of lights is out also. My Christmas tree is cursed. Maybe it needs an exorcism. Also, there was a box of decorations chewed up by some type of rodent. He really liked Santa's beard.

I applied for a couple more jobs today. Story of my life. I still never heard back about that interview I went on. I figure it's not meant to be. I also applied to our electric company, that is one job I would really like to have.

Friday, I'm going to see Brett Michaels with Bethie. Be jealous!!! And Bubba told me some more about the guy she wanted to set me up with. It's a no-go kids. He is not only unemployed right now but he also has no car, and no place to live. Uhhhhhhh......thanks, but no thanks! I dated my share of dead beats. I'm so over it!

Back To Reality...

My Momma and sissy left this morning. I'm once again all alone and on the hunt for a J-O-B. I'm sad. Panicked. It's pretty much inevitable, that I will have to be on unemployment come January. Nobody is hiring at this time of year. I can't afford to take any old job, because I'll make damn good money on unemployment seeing how I worked two jobs forever, I get a pretty decent wage. More than most places are willing to pay me to do actual you know, work. It just sucks not having any real security. Ho Hum.

I had a really good time with the family. I ate like a pig and did no exercise so I feel like a lard now. Bleh. CP called me starting the day the family arrived, and has called every day since. Apparently after four days he decided he missed me. And fucked up letting me go. It took four days.

I told him there was "someone" else in the picture, even though there is no commitment with the someone else, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. I still think about the new guy constantly. That's the trouble with men. They invade your fucking mind. Well, at least with me they do. I have too many other things to worry about with my life right now, I don't need to think about a man. But my my, what a nice distraction!

With CP....it's nice to have company, and attention. But that's all it is. He did bring me flowers the other night. Not that it erases anything he's done. It's still nice. It's even nicer, to feel like someone actually wants you. Which I don't have with CP, and got from the other guy. Do I sound like a hussie or what? I don't fucking care. I'm young. Apparently, I have no idea what the hell I want. Once I tell CP that, I'm sure he'll quit coming around. With him, it's all or nothing. Screw letting me figure my life out.

Heather spent Friday night trying to hook me up with some boy they know. She thinks we would hit it off. She pretty much told him everything about me, so there is nothing left to tell. We may go out this weekend, but that sorta thing makes me nervous. I did win tickets to the comedy club for Saturday. I guess we'll see how it all pans out. One thing is for sure, I don't want to be the girl that goes out and 10 guys in the room have all slept with me, mkay?

We had a lot of fun out to dinner on Saturday night. Kat and Heather went with me and the family. We had sangaria but we weren't drunk. You would have thought we were, we laughed so hard we cried.

Gone But Not Forgotten...

Last night I had the strangest dream (remember that song?) I couldn't afford to get my hair done so I went to some ghetto place with people who wore scrubs to do hair. I just wanted a trim to get me by, and the bitch put brown hair dye on half my head and I walked out with half dyed, half hilighted hair. Not having money completely blows.

I've been gone forever it seems. What have I been doing? Oh, I'm getting by. I happen to be in a superior mood due to the fantastic weekend. I havn't heard from CP in 3 days. He doesn't even deserve the name CP anymore. We can imagine it now stands for Cock something. Cus, let's face it anyone who lets me go without so much as a word, is a cock something.

I went out to meet a girlfriend at the bar Saturday night, and then another one invited me to a certain persons house for a party. The same one from last weekend.

I had a great time cus I had a few friends at the part as well.

I've pretty much decided it's over with me and the man, all that needs to be done is to say it. It's really hard to let go, but the longer we're apart the more I realize he wasn't right for me at all. He was good for the time being. But honestly in light of recent events (this includes my getting shit-canned) I realized I was the only one putting anything into the damned relationship. Fuck him.

Momma and Sis will be here tomorrow night! I am so excited about it I can't see straight. The bad part is I am always a mess when I leave, or they leave me after a visit. Being alone this time, is going to really hurt. Being alone, and jobless. Even worse.

The upside to losing your job? I'm now down 10 lbs. Yesterday I actually forgot to eat. Me. Forgot. It's not like I'm whithering away or anything, but even if I did eat I'd only shit it right back out. I'm a mess. I've been through much worse, so I will survive. I'll drag my ass out of bed once in a while to update my blog. Life doesn't feel right without blogging.

I Didn't Get Drunk Yesterday...

Well, like my friend Katie said, when you play the lottery it gives you something called hope for a while. That's what a job interview does too. I have an interview Monday, at a garage door company. I got this through a temp service, but they are looking to hire. Sounds like an office manager position, and my counselor said the person I'll interview with is excited to meet with me. Keep your fingers crossed. It's enough money to survive on, and after my contract with the temp service runs out (about 3 months) I would probably make more. I'll know more Monday. I have hope.

My counselor called me an hour ago to see how the interview went. I think my heart stopped beating for a full minute. I said...."It's Monday". Way to scare the shit out of someone. She said she will see what else she can get me into also. She's the only one doing anything for me, the other agencies suck balls. This one, is the one that got me the job I was let go from. Bastards.

Wednesday I went to Katie's and she helped me write a pretty damn good application letter for the university. We had a lot of laughs. Especially since her son, is following in Auntie Mon's footsteps and taking off his clothes when company comes over. (Mom says I never kept my clothes on I can't imagine that) He thought it was hilarious to wipe his butt on me and run off laughing. I said it seems like a symbol for my life.

Yesterday I took a bath. This is monumental, as I have spent much of my time crying, watching Tyra, and feeling sorry for myself. Living in squallar and filfth. After I got cleaned up I felt a little better and I cleaned. Cleaned! It felt good to be productive, so today I am going to get back into working out. A week off is enough. I've lost 5lbs. Stress. I think God is solving all my problems at once. Work, relationship, weight. Why not. I just love to take on so much.

I waited until about 4 yesterday to change CP's phone number to give the phone to my brother. He never called me, so I figured what does he need a phone for? I have to think of myself here, though to me, it sounds selfish. My brother says he can afford the phone, and it'll be nice to be able to call him other than when he is working. When CP finally did call me, he was a dick about my changing the number and giving it away. I said it's pretty fucking rude of you to expect me to pay for you to have a phone, I'm unemployed. Maybe I'll wise up some day and figure out what is going on with us. Right now, I don't want to.

My dog had her surgery yesterday. $170 on the credit card. Ugh. I worried all day because I couldn't afford the pre-anesthesia testing on her liver, so I thought she would die during the procedure. My poor girl got her back tooth pulled, teethed cleaned and polished, and whined the whole way home from the vet. The nasty hole under her eye that had healed from the antibiotics, is back in double overtime. Oozing puss to cover her entire smushy face. I have to clean it every couple hours. Good thing I'm off of work.

Talked to unemployment. I don't qualify until mid-January. The good thing about this is, I will make enough to get by. So, if worse comes to worse, I won't be destitute. It makes me feel just a little better. Just a little. I still will be doing something mindless, and think "fuck, I'm unemployed".

Embaressment of the week, is that my ex-coworker sent home a bunch of stuff for me with Tayray from my desk. Stuff I thought I got already. She burned all my pics for me to CD. I'm happy for that, but there were some pictures I wouldn't want the boss to see. Like, drunken pictures. This is a lesson to me, to not be so comfortable, at the next job. And my proudest accomplishment for the week is...I didn't get drunk yesterday. It seemed to be a daily occurence there for a few days.

Day Three, Unemployed...

I'm hoping my employment status changes, so I can muster up an original title name. I have had a shitty day so far. Crying, and depressed. Blah. I still havn't gotten any money from CP for his phone which is on my cell phone account, so I kept it. I also feel guilty for this. Why? Because I'm a stupid ass. I can't afford to pay his bill, I can't cancel it without a fee, so I am at a loss. I called my brother to see if he would be interested in paying the half of the bill and he said he would. Hopefully, my own brother doesn't screw me over like the man who supposedly loves me.

CP was kind of pissed off about me keeping his phone, but you know what? I don't care I can't care. He told me last night after counseling that he had been on drugs again three times since he went to rehab. So, he's been lying to me. I know this. I also know, that I can't handle this bullshit with him, on top of everything else. So I am biding my time. I know better than to think that an addict will change for me. I've been down that road ohhhh, a few times.

I stayed at Kat's last night and drank wine. She made us some orzo, which I'd never had before, and I applied for a few jobs. The saddest thing I did, was lower my cable bill. This means, I have some stupid family package with 40 channels. All family crap. No TBS. No MTV. No nothing! It's $10 a month cheaper, and I have to cut costs where I can.

Think of me. Unemployed. With no heat (I can't afford to turn it on), sitting in the dark, and no TV to watch, and send me some positive vibrations.

Day Two, Unemployed...

I'm at Kat's house, while she is working. I'm sitting with her cat Conley, who keeps head butting me while I type. Cats always know how to make you smile. I've gotten so much help from everyone trying to find me a job, put in good words for me, and cheer me up. I'm a really lucky girl. Today I met with my former human resources gal's friend at a staffing agency. She said that she heard great things about me, and with my background, she won't have any trouble finding me a job at my absolute minimum salary requirement. Which, is $2.14 less an hour than I was making but it will pay the bills. She told me to enjoy my time off and she would work hard on finding something for me. My only hope is that if I find a job on a temp-to-perm basis, when I would be hired I would make even more. That's how I found my last wonderful job. Ex-job. Bastards.

Enjoy your time off. I don't know how to enjoy myself without a job. I forget about it for a few minutes and it creeps back up on me. YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED! How will you pay the rent? Seven weeks seems like a long time I suppose, but I've always valued money over time. I got a call finally for a second job at Target, but ex-work told me today that if I take that job, I will mess up my potential unemployment, should I need it down the road. So I am basically forced to stay unemployed until I find something earning enough money. Then, I can work another part time job.

Katie is helping me tomorrow apply for a job with the local University where she use to work. And making quesidillas. You can't get any better than that. It pays $3 less an hour, but it's a foot in the door. Free school. If I worked hard and long enough I could get a degree.

All this, and Lost isn't on for 16 weeks. Tomorrow is me and CP's 1 yr engagement anniversary. Doesn't seem to be very promising. I can only handle one crisis at a time though.

Since I'm not on a time constraint, I'm going to get to everyone's blogs to catch up. That is another thing I miss.

The Search Goes On...

First of all, thank you to everyone, for their well wishes. It really does help to be feeling like a peice of shit, and hear good things. So far, I only had the mental breakdown for 2 days Constant sickness and crying. Shits. Sleeplessness. Well, I still can't sleep.

Saturday Kat came over in the afternoon, dressed in some hideous 80's clothes, and danced with jazz hands to cheer me up. It worked. Katie told me that it could be worse, I could have a screaming 4 year old on top of it. Tayray listened to me complain and drink beer. Bethie came over later, and brought wine. Kat brought alchohol too, and we all went out for 80's night. Where I'm not ashamed to say I drank my cares away. Every last one of them. I have the best friends, that made me laugh, bought me shots, and told me how great I am. I even spent some time talking to a boy whose house I threw up in years ago.(that's always a way to be remembered) He made me laugh when I really needed it. Where was my man? Oh, I dunno....he blew me off that night. "Medication troubles".

I guess this is opening up my eyes to a lot of things. I did dedicate so much of myself to my job. I think I need to take the next job for what it is. A job. I hear that I'm greatly missed at work today, which is nice to hear. The only thing better to hear is that the place is closing down. They obviously treat their most dedicated employees like dog shit. And, when you need people the most, they should be there for you. Cp especially. If it were not for my friends, I would be in a gutter somewhere long ago.

No luck job hunting. I have a knot in my stomach even saying this, but there were only three jobs in the paper this Sunday. The holidays are a bad time to job hunt. Merry fucking Christmas, right? I'm at the library searching online for work. I am meeting with temporary services. Calling to clean peoples shitty toilets at night, to make up for the inevitable difference I'll receive in any pay. I'll wind up a better person for it. Somehow.

I'd really love to know what I did to deserve the shitty luck in my freaking life. I'm trying not to let it bring me down, and stay positive. I know it's only my first official day off work, but it's hard. I've never been unemployed AND alone. I always had someone in my life to help me out financially. Or a parent that I could live with if I needed it. At the very least, I could have some freaking sex. I am not even getting that. When times are rough, that lets you forget about it for a while. God. Next post you read may be that I'm pimping myself out. For free.

And She's Gone...

Well, yesterday I was confused on what to do with my future. Funny how life fixes that for you. I was let go from my job yesterday at 4:15. After 7 years, it was all over in a matter of fifteen minutes. They decided to eliminate my position. Which was a nice way of saying that they are hiring someone else into the department with a degree, and the ability to be a manager. Nevermind my 6 years of perfect attendance. The struggles on my own to learn how to manage the websites. None of that mattered.

I got a "we're so sorry" an "it has nothing to do with your job performance and we will help you any way we can". Thanks. If I wasn't bawling my eyes out, I would have said, can you help that my fiance is gone, I have no money, and I'm all alone in this state with no one to help me? Not that it would have mattered if I did say that. I had to meet with the human resources director. Who said I would be missed. He could tell it was a shock to me, I don't know what gave it away, probably the fact that I was hyperventilating. He told me there was nowhere in the company to place me. If something came up I would certainly be considered. Let him know if I needed help with a resume. I'm well respected in the company.

All of that is nice to hear, in a review. None of it is good to hear, when you were just fired. It is meaningless. If all of that were true, I wouldn't be gone. I wouldn't be replaced with another person. I wouldn't hear "we just dont have it in the budget to keep you". Like I'm making a million dollars. All of this from people who are married. Have homes. Have secure jobs.

My future is uncertain right now. I get a severance, a whopping 7 weeks. One week for each year I worked there. As if that makes it any better. I understand that it is better than nothing, but seven weeks is right before Christmas. It's not far away at all. I can scrape by on my income. I can't survive making less than I made at that job. I have a lot of support of friends and family, which I am grateful for. But they just keep telling me I will find a job. I know I will. The question is will I find a job that pays me enough to not have to move out of my apartment? Will I ever be able to say that I love my job again? I have to start over. Somewhere new.

This feels like a break up to me more than a loss of a job. While I'm afraid of what I will do money-wise, I'm mostly grieving for the loss of a job. An extended family. A place that I liked to get up and go to every day. A place where I knew so much. Learned so much. Met so many people that got me through a lot of hard times in my life. That, is what hurts the most.

I'm shocked. I havn't stopped crying. I havn't slept. I havn't ate. I can't function. I'm so afraid of what is going to happen. I went through this all 7 years ago. I lost my husband. My job. My house. My car. Filed bankruptcy. I don't know that I can go through all of this again. I don't want to have to work two jobs for the rest of my life.

CP is not really being helpful. He left me last night when I really needed him. I couldn't stop crying. He couldn't fix it, but he could have lent me some moral support. I told him this is going to ruin our "relationship". I don't ask him for much. And, when I really need him, he isn't there for me. When I come up on the other side of all of this, I think that I will definately be over for us. I don't want to spend my life with a person who can't even support me emotionally. Seriously, what the fuck am I thinking?

Wish me luck. I will update my blog as I can. Right now, my life is in turmoil. I know I can do this. I've been through worse, and one way or another....I will make it.

I Want It All..

*The good, the bad, the happy and the sad. Her perfections every little flaw. I want it all.

I'm really bummed out about not finding a second job. In addition to the billion other places I applied, I put in resumes to a church locally, doing appointments for pictures. Wal Mart (which is bad) and you know I'm desperate, cus it was for the portrait studio. Me + Kids = someone might get bit and it wont be me. I'm going to apply at Ambiance this weekend. The store for lovers. This is a job for me. "Do you need batteries with that?" I can survive on one job. I just can't survive the way I am accustomed to. Can't get my hair done on time. Can't afford pet surgeries. Product. Ohhhhh, the product.

I've been agonizing over what direction to take with my life. A few of my friends are having relationship issues too. One such person is a coworker. "The" coworker I like to bitch about. It's really sad because her guy is an asshole. He tells her she is fat. (she is a size 10 btw) What does he look like? He is short, FAT, and bald. He has some freaking nerve. For her, the emotional part is missing from her relationship. He's great financially, supportive when she needs money, or something comes up that needs fixed. Never a free-loader. But he makes her feel like crap.

Me? I guess have my emotional needs met for the most part. It's the financial that I'm lacking. And by financial I mean, he doesn't have a freaking job. Where do you draw the line? What becomes more important? That I'm treated well, special to someone, or financial support? I like to be independant, but here I am wanting someone to help support me. And why can't I have both? My own mother told me that I can't have it all. No one person can be everything to you. Why not? That scares me into thinking that I'll be alone forever if I don't decide to let some of my wants slide. Then I think my Mom is usually right, so what if after all this dream chasing I wind up alone anyways?

The funniest part about my situation is that it is the exact opposite of my last relationship. TWDSO was the independant one. I was the one who needed help with money. I was the one who sometimes couldn't contribute to the food fund. I was the one that overdrew my checking account. Why? Because I knew he was there to pick me up when I needed it. Even though, he was an ass about it, he still was there. I always paid him back, I didn't take advantage of him, but I didn't spend my money wisely.

Now look at where I am. Is this suppose to teach me a lesson? If so, what the fuck did I learn? When you are in a relationship I think you naturally rely on someone for something. But I keep thinking what am I really getting in return? We're not even living together now. I feel like he ran away when the going got tough. Him being gone, is certainly opening my eyes to some things. He thinks it's helping but it's making me hate him. We see each other a couple nights a week, and when we do talk he is playing his online game. Not paying attention to me. He can't pay his 1 bill (cell phone) that is in my name. He can't call me when he says, come over when he says, or spend time with me when he is around. He has bigger issues than I am equipped to handle.

This weekend is another 80's night. It's gonna be a fun one, the theme is spandex and big hair bands. Rockin! I'll be drinking my cares away with my girls. Kat sent me this link from the 80's DJ. How awesome would it be to go to the 80's prom? I guess we're going to try to get a group together. Hope I can afford it.

P.S. Something else I want is to not be sore. I've been doing weights all week. Still going strong with the workouts. Even though they suck ass.

*I want it all by Edwin McCain

Night of the Living Fluff...

Did you all know that Evil Dead is now a musical? No? Neither did I. They were on The View on Halloween. Isn't that pretty cool? Of course, it's a pretty stupid movie, but you have to appreciate the humor in it. And I've been keeping an eye on Horrorfest since they announced it at the Texas Chainsaw movie. Ummm, wtf. Tickets were to go on sale on Halloween. Now, they say 'soon'. Is this going to happen or what? I really want to go to this.

I love horror movies. When I think back, it started in my pre-teens. With movies like "Dolly Dearest", "Dolls" "Chucky" "Puppet Master", "Leprechaun". The general idea is, your toys are your enemy, and people who want to do you harm are either under the bed, or your very best stuffed friend.

When I was little, before 8 years old I was terrified of scarey things. What I can't recall, is the reason that I was terrified of my stuffed friends that young. I can remember having to go to before everyone else. Upstairs. Alone. I had a hutch with all of my stuffed animals on it right beside my bed. I thought they were going to suck my blood like crazed vampire animals. I wouldn't sleep without my neck covered. I'd stare at them, and wait for them to come to life. You know how if you listen to the quiet long enough, you think you hear things? Same with staring at objects. They would move. Ever so slightly. Having an older brother, and sister, I blame them. After all, they were the ones who made 'the boogey man' a reality to me. Assholes.

I would scream. And cry. And eventually, say, my sister would come upstairs to 'rescue me'. I'm thinking that my parents probably made her do it, and she wasn't as excited about it as I thought when I was little. What do you think she did when I was terrified? Tried to comfort me, by giving me a stuffed animal. THE VERY THING THAT TERRIFIED ME. She told me they would protect me, but they didn't. They wanted to eat me!

I have also always been afraid of thunder and lightning. My parents made me believe that that stupid palm we got on Palm Sunday, was going to keep the storms from getting me. Why do parents and siblings lie to you?

I don't remember when I grew out of that phase, but I do remember passing it on to my good friend Stephanie's little sister. We told her that when she slept, her toys came to life. It made her scream and cry. That's called tradition.

Aging In Dog Years....

Back in 1996 I was 20, and my doggie was 1. Now I'm 30, and she's 70. In dog years, shit, I'd be 120. No wonder I have gray hair's!

Life is rough for us old gals. Little Hill had a trip to the vet last night, for a second opinion. Good thing too. She's had a hole/abscess under her left eye off and on for over a year. Her regular vet treated it twice and had me putting compresses on it when it came back, and it would go away for a while. He referred me to an opthomologist, thinking it was her 'bad eye' causing all the problems. It cost $400 to walk in the door, and a 6 month wait to see a specialist. Oh, and a 2 hour drive.

The hole came back, this time, with some pinkish snot from her left nostril. So, naturally, I think it's a tumor. I decided to take her to the bird and exotic specialty hospital, where I take my rabbits. I figured a second opinion is OK for people so why not pets? Having to explain all your 10 year old dogs ailments to a new vet is comical.

Vet: "What seems to be the problem?"

Me: "She has all sorts of problems. She's had ulcers on both eyes, and she's being treated for chronic dry eye"

M: "She also has chronic ear infections, sometimes those turn into yeast infections."

V:"has she always had this going on with her skin?"

M:"Yes, she also has skin allergies, and seborreah. "

When he opened her mouth he said right away that the problem was a tooth right under the spot. When I looked at it, I guess I could tell it is swollen. I'm a Dumbass. I told him that I was told it was her eye and he said he is pretty confident it's that tooth, she's got some gum disease and probably an abscess under there.

My poor dog has been walking around for a year with a stinking toothache. How horrible is that? She started slowing down and not playing and I thought she's just old! Little Hill is on antibiotics until she has her tooth pulled next Thursday. She's also getting the rest of them cleaned. She's gonna be a whole new dog. I feel awful that I didn't know what the problem was for this long. Oh yea, and it's gonna cost me almost $200. Um, did I mention I need a second job?

And now, the reason why I'll starve for a month, my adorable dog in her new Old Navy fleece lined jacket. You know you love it. (like a typical kid she would NOT look at the camera!)

TITMT...I Love Fiction....

Today's Tell it To Me Tuesday Question from Janet is: "What fictional character on television, past or present, do you (or did you) most relate to and why?"

I always related to Miranda from Sex and the City. Most of the time I could do the "mmm hmmm" while watching her on the show. She was cynical, like me. She was to the point where she was OK to be alone, she even preferred it. Then a man came and screwed her all up, like they often do.

While I'm not an intimidating lawyer, being independant does scare some of them off. They like you to be barefoot and stupid. Oh, at first they pretend to like the fact that you are self sufficient but it doesn't last. That's been my experience. It does something to their stupid little ego's.
One time she got laser eye surgery and she needed someone to bring her home and she would rather have sat there than have her boyfriend pick her up and 'rescue' her. That's totally me. I hate asking for help. I like to do it all on my own thanks.

Remember when Miranda made herself a cake? And couldn't stop eating the cake? Every time she went past the kitchen, she ate some cake, like it was calling her name. It got to the point where she had to put it in the trash. Then, she ate the cake out of the trash. So, she squirted dish soap all over it so she couldn't eat it anymore. Yea, I've ate almost an entire cake.

One time I ate an entire pack of 6 Zero bars. In a matter of hours. I got so sick that day. From that day on I vowed never to eat another one. Anything that good should be banned.

She didn't like kids either. Like me. Until she got knocked up. The difference with her and me are, I won't let that happen. Someone smack me if I ever do. Or check your front porches for a bundle of joy.

And, on another note, I could totally be Kate from Lost. Not that I think I exude her hotness, but because I too, would have a terrible time choosing between Jack...or Sawyer.

Fork You, An Urban Legend?...

Did you all have a nice weekend? I did. I went out Friday night with Kat and Tayray to....where else? The Beir Haus. We had an adventure planned later that night, Forking Bubba. What is forking you ask? You'll soon see. Kat called me after leaving the store laughing her ass off, to tell me she had just bought 500 forks.

First we had a couple cold ones.



That's my frozen beer. They got a new cooler, and I'd say it works pretty well. I had to trade it in, I tried to thaw it out, but that wasn't working.

We left the bar around 1:30, I had talked to bubba earlier and she went home early from her bar with the man, so we knew they would be home in bed. You know, "old married couple" and all. On the drive to Bubba's we all laughed constantly, as Kat emptied 500 forks into a shopping bag.





Kat had some fun with the forks.




Then, so did Tayray.





We devised the plan on our drive over, and decided we would pull in the parking lot next door to her house, turn off the lights, and watch the house to make sure no one got up. The coast was clear, and we all took off into the night. Crunching in the leaves, I thought for sure they were going to hear us. If not the crunching of the leaves, then the rustling of 500 forks in the bag.

We each had a spot in the yard, and we worked like a well oiled machine, pushing the forks into the ground one at a time. Kat would whisper "spread em out guys, spread em out". You couldn't look around at what you were doing, for fear you would burst into laughter. Bubba lives on a pretty busy street, so we had to stop and act like we were hanging out in the front yard at 2 am.

It only took about 15 minutes, and it turns out that 500 forks is not that many at all. We took the time to admire our work, and take a few pictures. CP didn't lighten them up any so you don't get the full result, but you get the idea. They will look better tomorrow.












We left and came back to do a drive by all the time laughing ourselves into stomach pains. We kept picturing her opening the door in the morning, and seeing all those forks.

The next day she didn't call until after noon. She thought it was hilarious. We laughed and laughed about it, because she had asked me and kat to do something on Friday but we said we had plans. "It was nice of you to not go out with me so you could fork me" she said.

Apparently, her boyfriend is pretty pissed. He asked her "how old are they?". I said well you're only as old as you feel, so I guess we're 16? He is just jealous, that he isn't as cool as us, and he doesn't have friends that love him enough to fork him. Bubba said he tried to rake them up, but "you guys got them in pretty good". So, she had to pick them all up one at a time. 500 forks.

It was the best time, I don't ever want to get old. I have so much fun with my friends. The downside? Bubba said...."game on". Retaliation, is inevitable.

Do These Pants Make My Vagina Look Fat?

I found another gray hair sitting in my car yesterday. This one was a good 3 inches. It's been there for a while. This was right after, I plucked the black one from under my chin that grows from time to time. I dunno what the hell else could be more depressing about getting old. It only gets better. I have to work a billion hours so I can free up my credit, and get a damn mortgage loan. Buying a house will make me happy. At least I wont feel old in an apartment. Don't ask me why I think this will help. But my solution to everything is to buy something.

In other news, I was watching Dr. 90210 this weekend, cus I'm obsessed with other people in pain and miserable. It makes me feel better about my sagging boobs, and gray hair(s). Misery loves company, so what? Now, it's not enough to want to change your face, stomach, ass, tits, and thighs. Now, we have to worry about having fat vagina's. Yes. You read that right. I said fat vagina's. I'm not talking about those women who get their lips reduced, for medical reasons because they are in the way. Um, yea, that's kinda gross, but at least there's surgery to help, right?

No, this was literally lipo of the pubic area. This chick had a 'mound'. Call me crasy but I thought all us women had one. I've seen enough porn to know that their pretty much all the same. This chick claimed not to be able to wear clothes without it showing through. I dunno what the fuck she was talking about, because seriously, you couldn't see. But watching it made my drunk friend (who shall remain nameless) try to show me her va-jay-jay and ask me if it was fat. I said "I'm not looking at your stuff". I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere with your girlfriends. So, yea, ever since watching this I'm wondering...."Do I have a fat vagina?" I've decided to add it to the list for my overhaul some day. Vaginal liposuction. Awesome.

And to pay for all this, I've applied for a billion part-time jobs. I might have to revoke my previous view, that people who say they can't find work, are just lazy assholes. I'm a perfectly skilled, normal person looking for part time work. I know how to do lots of smart things. I can use a calculator. I type. I'm friendly to people. (when I'm beign paid) What the hell is wrong with me? I applied this weekend to Target, and Yankee Candle. You know, if you work at Yankee Candle, you get 50% off merchandise? Hole-y suffering shit, that is potential for some serious damage. Old Navy, Sterling, Kohl's, and a local police department. I registered with a temp service. And, I'm going to apply at the movie theater this weekend. I know a guy who's Dad works there. Maybe it'll help knowing someone.

Black Smoke Texas Tea.....

I'm gonna get right to Lost. Go to ****** Below, cus this has got spoilers.

MMM...Ok so right off the bat, I'm gonna say it. Can you believe they killed Mr. Eko? I surely thought that by a survivor will die, they meant one of those two dumbass characters they have had on latley. What a way to go too, death by smoke monster. Who was his brother when he 'confessed?' The smoke monster. It is really freaky that the dead people on this island....are walking and talking isn't it? Sort of like people who meet you to 'cross over' if you ask me. Only...they aren't so friendly. The smoke monster is definatly taking form of people, and things that mean something to the losties. Still, what it is remains to be seen. Some say it is cerebrus, the 3 headed dog guardian of the underworld. Since, 'cerebrus' was seen on the door in the ultra violet writing in the hatch.

Who else has a weird connection on the island, that shouldn't be there? Hurley has Dave, Jack has his dad, and Kate has the black horse. I'm not sure if we would include Sawyer and the boar or not? "You're next". Um. I'm not liking that statement. Except when Locke was taken by the monster last year, he claims it was beautiful, and bright white. He told the losties "let me go, I'll be alright" when it tried to take him. Nothing like Eko's dark, full of death images, smoke monster.

I watched the monster in slow-mo to check for images like last season, and I saw nothing. Looks like the dead were walking this time. I think Eko's first encounter it read his mind. Remember how he stared the monster down last season, and it showed all those images? This time, they were brought to life, and it scared him. Eko's dead. Motherfucker.

The next huge bombshell of the night, was Juliette warning Jack about Benry. Us fans get some sort of acknowledgement for noticing that she looks just like his ex-wife which we knew wasn't a mistake, and now we know...it isn't. But why? Remains to be seen. Juliette seems to be nice, and wants Jack to kill Benry during his spinal surgery. I think Juliette purposly put those X-rays of Benry's spine on the board for Jack to see. Shit, Colleen was already dead, so who cares if she takes an extra few minutes to put them up?

What if Benry is suppose to be like Jesus? They think he is evil, and beat him, and do all these horrible things, and he still is kinda ok with it. He hasn't gone crazy yet. Maybe if he dies on the table, he comes into his true form of a spirit or something? I dunno, but that guy just irks me. He isn't going anywhere, and something's off with him.

But one thing we know on this island, nothing is as it seems. Could Juliette be the bad one? And, how on earth do they know what Jack's wife looks like anyways? Remember when Benry said they wanted to make Jack trust them? I think maybe this is just a test, like he said. They want him to trust Juliette, by the messages she had on that tape. And, it seems like he does. Poor Jack, you better not be next.

And still, who are the others? It seems like the Losties were suppose to die, and survived. Sort of like in that movie Final Destination. "You can't cheat death" it comes for you. And maybe it's coming for all of them like Eko said. Are the others angels? Demons? If they were, they surely wouldn't need spinal surgery. Right?

****************

In other news. CP starts counseling today. Hope they can knock some damn sense into him. He also found out that he'll make more than me at his new job after 90 days. I make pretty good money, after 7 years with a company. If he leaves a job that starts him out at that, there is no hope for him at all. I told him, if he wants to quit, to get me his freaking job first.

I'm having zero luck on the job front. I applied at Old Navy, Target, Kohls, Yankee Candle, and two office jobs. No word. Bastards. I gave tara the link to apply to Old Navy and guess who has an interview? Well, it isn't me! I can't believe this crap, all I want is a second job dammit! I need some money. Everyones gonna have a sucky Christmas this year.

*sigh* The cute guy that taught aerobics quit. So did the other girl that taught the same class. No more eye candy at the gym. No more singing 'hungry like a wolf'.

Pay No Attention To That Cat In The Closet...

I've been so stressed out this week. First, my credit card company offers your credit score when you manage your account online. It shows you the past year your monthly score, and derogatory hits. I have been so happy to raise my score 100 points in a year by meticulously paying things on time, and paying over my limits. I set up most of my accounts to automatically pay from my bank account too, which helps.

Well, my score dropped 4 points. How? Fucked if I know, thats the problem with tracking your credit score. I think it's easier to just find out once a year. Then you don't know this shit happens. I'm pretty pissed off about it.

On top of that, Tayray called me Monday afternoon, to ask if I got my mail. I usually don't because it's a long haul to the mail box. The landlord was coming Tuesday with an appraiser to look at our apartments. If you ask me, this can only be bad. First, I'm only suppose to have 2 cats and a dog. second, I have two more cats and two rabbits. Plus, a 4ft tall by 5 foot wide by 3 feet deep rabbit condominium that I can't disassemble in less than an hour. Fuck.

And the plan was always to take some pets over to Tayray's if the landlord came. Well, I couldn't do that, cus we were all having an appraisal. I stressed about it for two days straight. I asked CP if he would come out and take 2 cats in the carrier in his car to help me out. That was asking too much, because he was TIRED and taking a half hour out of his time was just too much. Asshole. So, I spent Monday night, picking up every trace of rabbits.

When the time came, I was frantic, and shaking. I took my bunnies out of their condo in their carrier, stuck them in my car in the garage, and covered their condo with a comforter. Shrouded in cloth, it looked sorta like an entertainment center. Then I had to evaluate the cats' personalities. My "precious" is the most docile (and adorable..shhhh) so when the landlady came a knockin, I shoved her in my closet. I put Pickachu under the bed because he is a scaredy cat, and I knew he wouldn't come out. That left Fozzie, and Tai free to roam about. Plus, I think they are the ones I disclosed on my lease. Oh...and the dog.

Turned out to be pretty painless. The landlord asked how I liked it in my apartment, and if I had any problems. Said what a beautiful cat Fozzie was, and how cute the dog was in her Old Navy jacket. The appraiser was pretty quick, but he took pictures. I'm guessing our rent is going to be increasing, or she is selling the property. Either one can be a bad thing. It's near impossible to find an affordable place to live with a dog. Not that my place is very affordable, but it's home.

All in all we survived the invasion, and went back to living our normal lives. I sure can't wait to own my own place and not have to do that bullshit again.

TITMT Do You Believe?...

I had a date last night with CP. We went out for Chinese food. My entire body is bloated into misery today. How do people eat salt every day? I mean, in those quantities? God! No thank you! We headed on over to the theater and saw SAW III. Freaking aweseome! I heard that this series was a trilogy, but I dunno! I guess it's the Freddy and Jason thing, they can always come back? But yea, 'jigsaw' gets a little fucked up in this one, and stops giving people the chance to escape. Oddly enough you're like, 'hey that's not fair'.....but was it really fair in the other movies??

Today's Tell It To Me Tuesday Question from Janet is short and sweet "Do you believe in ghosts?"

Yes, I believe in ghosts. Kinda like people believe in God. Where's the proof? I find it to be a feeling, a faith. I belong to a ghost hunting group, and we seek ghosts out. I've done the all night trips to Mansfield Reformatory. Which are by far my favorite. The inside is being restored, but most of it reminds me of film of the titanic. Peeling paint, that 'abandoned' feel. You show up around 9 and you walk around the prison in the dark by yourself until the sun comes up. The place is big enough that you can be all by yourself, which makes for an incredible experience. I've gotten that 'being watched' feeling, but never caught anything on film or tape. Another interesting fact, is that Shawshank Redemption was filmed there.

On one particular night at the prison, a friend's boyfriend complained about not experiencing anything first hand, and we were the only people left, besides 1 car in the lot. When we got to the car, it wouldn't start. We were trying for about 20 minutes, freaked out because we were alone there, and then it just started. My friend tried to blame me because I bought a souvenier spoon from the gift shop, that she swore was haunted. I didn't say it, ok?

I was going to upload all sorts of pictures from my prison hunts, but we'll blame that on the man, for leaving me, and not being around to scan anything for me.

Last Halloween I spent the evening at Longwood Manor with some people from my ghost hunting group. This is an ongoing investigation, with tons of evidence. There have been first hand accounts of a child singing, and it's been recorded on evp's. There is also a ghost cat. If nothing else, it is an interesting place to investigate in the dark.

I also did an all nighter at Rogues Hollow. Where we spent a lot of time in the cabin experiencing activity with the dowsing rods, crystals, and emf.

As for personal experiences, we grew up in a haunted house. I was a baby still when we lived there, in Kenmore, Ohio. But my Mom tells stories about yelling at us to go to sleep, hearing children running around upstairs, and we were all in bed. A ball bouncing, and a dog that barked and growled at a particular chair. My sister saw a man when she was little, and asked my Mom who he was. The neighbors behind us, had weird things happen too. When my sister was out of high school, she moved in with her friend in that house. There was a man there that would show up in her bedroom.

When I lived with Those we don't speak of, I'm convinced his house was haunted. I didn't feel right from the day I moved in that place. I had horrible dreams. I never slept. I had to take prescription sleeping pills to stay asleep, I'd wake up on average 10 times a night.

His house was over 100 years old. The basement had dirt floors. God only knows what was buried in them. One day I was planting an aster bush, and kept trying to dig out this big 'rock'. I called him to come help me get it out, but it wasn't a rock at all. It was a tombstone. The first of many that I found in that yard. They were from the 1800's. First, the dumbass said they were halloween props. Then he said 'they moved all the bodies'. Because you know, it's easier to move bodies, and leave headstones, than it is to move the headstones and act like there are no bodies.

We got into several HUGE fights over that situation. I was disgusted that people would just build right over a cemetary no matter how old it is. He didn't believe it was a cemetary. Didn't want to even talk about it. Finally, he had a guy from the water department come out and dowse the yard, and they detected something every 6 feet. The guy that lived in the house before he bought it, tried to burn his garage down several times. The garage is where we found most of the headstones.

The funny thing about this is, he contacted a lawyer about the whole thing to see if he could get the previous owner in trouble, and now it's on record that he knows there use to be a cemetary there. That's what the research uncovered. Nice, right? So when he sells the house he has to disclose it.

Weird things that happened. Well I always felt someone in the basement. Call me crazy, I would NOT go down there when I was home alone. The cats wouldn't even use the litter box down there, and the dog wouldn't go near the door. There was an addition built onto the house, of the kitchen, and bathroom on the back side. And my one cat would never cross the 'invisible line' between the rooms without jumping over it, or backing up frantically and running off. It wasn't normal neurotic cat stuff. It was so bad, that I had her eyes checked out at the vet. Who told me it was normal neurotic cat stuff, and her eyes were fine. Whatever. She has never done that since moving out of that house.

It interests me to think there is another world besides the one we live in. And I don't even think I mean heaven or hell. From everything I've read on the topic, I choose to believe there is another world like ours, only we're not in it until we die.

What do you believe?

When I grow Up....

Monday already? At least the sun was shining when I woke up. The time change is rough the first few days. For sure! Saturday night the party was off for us, since it was close to 20 degrees. Gotta love that. Me and Kat went to the party at our usual hang out, the Bier Haus. Bubba stood us up. But I can guarantee you in a week she will say how we should get together and hang out, cus we NEVER do anything. She always plans events, and bails. Tough shit for her. Me and Kat are always kickin' it. I had 4 glasses of wine before hitting the bar. I rock.

Kat dressed up as some sexified evil angel. I love seeing everyones costumes, Nicole Ritchie was the most entertaining, as you might expect. She was super drunk, and kept showing everyone her black underwear, booty dancing with her friend, and dropping drink glasses on the dance floor. Some guy was lifting her skirt with his foot and we stopped him. Fucking pervert!

Some good costumes were super sperm, condom dispenser (with real dispensible condoms), deviled egg, and the mexicans from the restaurant next door, that dressed up as uh, mexicans. They were sloshed, and, they even did the mexican hat dance on the dance floor. I'm not sure if it was official, but it was entertaining. There was this one chick dressed as a cop, and her boyfriend was an inmate. Um, the cop lady was un-naturally perfectly shaped. We hated her. We decided that she was a miserable girl who never ate. But seriously, I dunno where the hell she came from, but you don't see much of girls like that round these parts.

Naturally after drinking, Kat and me like to cut loose on the dance floor. Some boys danced with us but we felt dumb. I really don't want to be someone who has to pick dudes up in a bar, ok? Please, someone wanna marry me already? Then the DJ danced with us, cus my mean brother wouldn't. Nothing like slow dancing with your best friend. Everyone is so jealous of us. We had a lot of drinks and a lot of laughs, and a lot of frickin' pizza rolls when we got home.

Hey, did I tell you that I found my first gray hair yet? Yes? Oh, Ok. Then, I found #2 this morning. It was probably there at the same time as #1 but, maybe it was glued to my head or something. I might have gray hair, but I was still kickin' it at the bar, with the extra hour, even after the ugly lights came on! I'm mostly depressed about the hair thing, cus I wanted to be that old lady with the belly shirt, and fuck me boots dancing at the clubs. This gray hair totally killed my dreams. Of course, I'm kidding. She was instructed to never let me do that.

Another thing I'm forbidden from doing? Wearing cat shirts. Shirts about cats, with cat pictures, cat asses, paw prints, I don't care. I love cats, but wearing cat shirts just screams crazy cat lady. I also do not want to wear those themed tops. Sweaters especially. No snowflakes, snowmen, pumpkins, hearts, nothing. You know, like the sweaters I saw in the women's department at Kohl's where I had to shop for my shirt the day I found my gray hair. I'll hunt you down when I'm dead and reviewing my life, if you let me wear that shit. Seriously!

Spread Your Wings and Fly...South....

This moving thing at work has really screwed me up. I blame the move since it involves co-workers. I had some seriously disturbing dreams lately. Last night Tayray was getting it on with my ex Z and not hiding it. Like, it was OK to share him. Then, one about a guy I use to sit by, who might be attractive to someone his age. Nice guy but sex dream worthy? Not so much. And, then there is my big boss. Who some people think is cute, but to me, it's like that brother thing. GROSS. What the fuck? Get out of my dreams. It's my sacred place. Reserved mainly for frolicking with Edwin McCain, and Johnny Depp, or Orlando Bloom! Lately my dreams freaking suck! Death? Affairs with unattractive men?

Around here, most birds and ducks migrate south. You can see them in droves flying and chirping. There are so many at times, they look like a black street spread across the sky. Where are they going? I mean, in Florida is there an invasion of birds in the winter? In cartoons, they packed their suitcases, and headed to Florida, so I assume this is still where they are going. Am I wrong?

Why do I wanna fly south? It snowed Monday and Tuesday. Just light flurries that melted on the ground, but it still snowed. Have I turned on my heat yet? No. (Well, I did turn it on in the bunnies room only cus I'm a good Momma). I have that expensive radiant heating shit in each room. I have a space heater for when I'm numb. It's been in the 30's. I'm like fucking Scrooge!

Guess what I got my dog for the winter? The cutest coat at Old Navy. It's blue, and brown plaid, fleece lined, and adorable. It's this style. She can get around way better in this than in her wool jacket. She is the cutest thing ever. They didn't have any of these, but I'm getting her some. Laugh it up. Probably the worst thing Old Navy could do, is carry a dog clothing line. As if I don't buy myself too much shit there. See why I need two jobs?

A girl I work with is making custom fit dog clothes. Ummm. I might have picked out a pattern for Little Hill. But, she really needs this stuff. Embroidered with her name. She sits and shivers when it's cold. Who am I kidding, even if she didn't need it, I'd buy her clothes. She's my little slice of heaven.

Happy Halloweener weekend everybody. I'm going here. I'm gonna wear a lot of clothes to keep warm, and then you can say I'm going as a person who wears a lot of clothes. Because, I don't do costumes. Bethie brought me cat ears. That's the extent of it. I'm going to smuggle some wine in to keep warm. That's the plan anyways. I don't like parties where the alchohol situation isn't clearly spelled out for me. So what? I did read it's BYOB, and "party supplies". That means weed. And bongs. Seriously, it's a hippy fest. And, a benefit. I'm all about helping people. I'm sure it'll be tons of fun.

Suppose to go pick pumpkins on Sunday, but being that me and CP can no longer cohabitate due to his inability to speak the truth to me, this may fall through. At least, MY happy ass is going to get my own pumpkin. It's tradition. I'm also cat sitting. Did I mention Tayray is in fucking Cancun? While we're here in the cold? Did I mention that she's on my shitlist?

Murder on My Mind.....

Did you miss me? I missed you. I was couped up in an off-site meeting all day. Discussing our future as a business. It was pretty interesting, we are going to start selling some of our product exclusivly to big box stores. A new line. The up or down side of that depending on how you look at it is that we are not branding our product. Good, because dealing with live plants, half the time the big stores don't care for them, and they look like shit and that can give us a bad name. Bad, cus when people realize how wonderful we are, they wont know it's us. But if I'm being honest, you probably buy either our own genetics, or one of our brokers every year for your garden. Yea. We're pretty important.

I dreamt that I was almost killed last night. You know how usually there are people you think are your friends or you think you are at home but it wasnt really your home or friends? This happened in my apartment, the day my Mom and Sister came to visit me. I got new neighbors where Tayray lives, and they had an all night party and being the bitch I can be, I called the cops on them. So, they stabbed me in the heart. I blame this on Lost. If you watched it you know why. But, I didnt die. I hung out my whole dream waiting on the cops to come save me, but I never died. I got around with a knife in my chest. Fucking neighbors.

Now....time for LOST! ********Spoilers **********

Holey shit what an episode. As usual, I had to watch it twice. I also had to pay my fucking cable bill because they shut me off. On LOST night. Assholes!

The stuff I noticed was the #8 on the bunny, the numbers on the prisoners uniforms, were all "the numbers". The island the others are on, doesn't make sense. In episode one, it shows that the plane crashed on the island they were all on. And, when the Losties were on their island, how come they can't see the other one? Something isn't right there. Especially since Benry said they are better con men.

All I could think of was "I pet the rabbits George" when Sawyer was reading of mice and men. When benry shook that bunny to 'death', I could have killed him. (I have two bunnies lest we forget!) Sawyer seemed mighty concerned. "Did you kill that bunny?". Only sensetive people call rabbits bunnies. Obviously they are doing some sort of tests on the rabbits. Juliette is a fertility Dr.? Rabbits? Fucking like rabbits? Hello? Plus, an episode last season was called "White rabbit" remember? And, that was reference to the episode title. Also, Kate said "live together die alone" to Sawyer, which we all know was last season's season finale title.

One I can't take credit for noticing, is the tidbit about the 8 on the bunny from Stephen King's book on writing. See it here.

Who do you think has the tumor? Benry? I think its gray beard. Benry is too obvious a choice. I also think they don't want help. They probably want to quit their miserable existance on that island. But then, isn't Benry quite tolerant? I mean, they almost killed him last season, and this season he's gotten knocked around, and yet, he hasn't snapped yet. Of course, I think he's a freaking loon, but what do I know?

Did you catch Benry saying they had a sub? "The sub is back and we have a situation". This is how those freaks got on the boat with Jin, Sayid, and Sun, without getting wet.

What about this statement from gray beard? "It's been two days since the sky turned purple, we've been blind, my coms are down and I can't get 'em back up again, and in case you forgot, Colleen's in critical..." Interesting that he said the sky turned purple. Not, 'the explosion' or 'the EMF imploded'. Maybe they don't have a clue what's going on either?

Desmond knows the future. I can't wait to see how this pans out. Innnnteresting. And, I'm not loving the new losties their introducing. I hope it's only so they can be killed off. They are horrible actors. Who do you think the pirate is in the previews? I think Radzinsky (sp?). You know, the button pusher before Kelvin, that blew his brains out supposedly.

Don' t forget, only 2 more episodes til it's off for 3 months. Thanks to all the whiney ass bitches who complained about re-runs, now we have to go without it as to not piss anyone off. Thanks. Assholes. I'll be re-watching the 6 episodes. Diligently.