"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Monday, November 13, 2006

The Search Goes On...

First of all, thank you to everyone, for their well wishes. It really does help to be feeling like a peice of shit, and hear good things. So far, I only had the mental breakdown for 2 days Constant sickness and crying. Shits. Sleeplessness. Well, I still can't sleep.

Saturday Kat came over in the afternoon, dressed in some hideous 80's clothes, and danced with jazz hands to cheer me up. It worked. Katie told me that it could be worse, I could have a screaming 4 year old on top of it. Tayray listened to me complain and drink beer. Bethie came over later, and brought wine. Kat brought alchohol too, and we all went out for 80's night. Where I'm not ashamed to say I drank my cares away. Every last one of them. I have the best friends, that made me laugh, bought me shots, and told me how great I am. I even spent some time talking to a boy whose house I threw up in years ago.(that's always a way to be remembered) He made me laugh when I really needed it. Where was my man? Oh, I dunno....he blew me off that night. "Medication troubles".

I guess this is opening up my eyes to a lot of things. I did dedicate so much of myself to my job. I think I need to take the next job for what it is. A job. I hear that I'm greatly missed at work today, which is nice to hear. The only thing better to hear is that the place is closing down. They obviously treat their most dedicated employees like dog shit. And, when you need people the most, they should be there for you. Cp especially. If it were not for my friends, I would be in a gutter somewhere long ago.

No luck job hunting. I have a knot in my stomach even saying this, but there were only three jobs in the paper this Sunday. The holidays are a bad time to job hunt. Merry fucking Christmas, right? I'm at the library searching online for work. I am meeting with temporary services. Calling to clean peoples shitty toilets at night, to make up for the inevitable difference I'll receive in any pay. I'll wind up a better person for it. Somehow.

I'd really love to know what I did to deserve the shitty luck in my freaking life. I'm trying not to let it bring me down, and stay positive. I know it's only my first official day off work, but it's hard. I've never been unemployed AND alone. I always had someone in my life to help me out financially. Or a parent that I could live with if I needed it. At the very least, I could have some freaking sex. I am not even getting that. When times are rough, that lets you forget about it for a while. God. Next post you read may be that I'm pimping myself out. For free.

7 comments:

Bianca said...

I'm sorry things suck so hard for you right now. I can totally imagine this puts some real perspective on your relationship. CP should be rallying to your side right now, eager to provide any aid he is able.

Anyway, though I'm in a completely different part of the US, and still almost a total stranger, let me know if I can help. At the very least I can be a good cheerleader.iuo

supplymadam said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
I sent you an e-mail.

EC said...

7 weeks is a long time, I know it's hard... but you can do it! I have some ideas for you, email me back and I'll let you know what I'm doing for part time work, its fairly easy and it is from your home. It's not alot but I make more than a part time job.

Becca said...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I will give you the token hang in there, but really I mean it. SOmething WILL come up.. It will, even if it's not ideal!

Suzi said...

It'll get easier as time goes on, and as you have some interviews and job offers. I still think you'll end up better than you expect.

R said...

Good thing you have your girls because men suck in the support department!

Celina said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this! We don't even know each other, but I'll be sending Happy Thoughts your way! Just trust that things will Work Out!