"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Friday, November 03, 2006

Do These Pants Make My Vagina Look Fat?

I found another gray hair sitting in my car yesterday. This one was a good 3 inches. It's been there for a while. This was right after, I plucked the black one from under my chin that grows from time to time. I dunno what the hell else could be more depressing about getting old. It only gets better. I have to work a billion hours so I can free up my credit, and get a damn mortgage loan. Buying a house will make me happy. At least I wont feel old in an apartment. Don't ask me why I think this will help. But my solution to everything is to buy something.

In other news, I was watching Dr. 90210 this weekend, cus I'm obsessed with other people in pain and miserable. It makes me feel better about my sagging boobs, and gray hair(s). Misery loves company, so what? Now, it's not enough to want to change your face, stomach, ass, tits, and thighs. Now, we have to worry about having fat vagina's. Yes. You read that right. I said fat vagina's. I'm not talking about those women who get their lips reduced, for medical reasons because they are in the way. Um, yea, that's kinda gross, but at least there's surgery to help, right?

No, this was literally lipo of the pubic area. This chick had a 'mound'. Call me crasy but I thought all us women had one. I've seen enough porn to know that their pretty much all the same. This chick claimed not to be able to wear clothes without it showing through. I dunno what the fuck she was talking about, because seriously, you couldn't see. But watching it made my drunk friend (who shall remain nameless) try to show me her va-jay-jay and ask me if it was fat. I said "I'm not looking at your stuff". I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere with your girlfriends. So, yea, ever since watching this I'm wondering...."Do I have a fat vagina?" I've decided to add it to the list for my overhaul some day. Vaginal liposuction. Awesome.

And to pay for all this, I've applied for a billion part-time jobs. I might have to revoke my previous view, that people who say they can't find work, are just lazy assholes. I'm a perfectly skilled, normal person looking for part time work. I know how to do lots of smart things. I can use a calculator. I type. I'm friendly to people. (when I'm beign paid) What the hell is wrong with me? I applied this weekend to Target, and Yankee Candle. You know, if you work at Yankee Candle, you get 50% off merchandise? Hole-y suffering shit, that is potential for some serious damage. Old Navy, Sterling, Kohl's, and a local police department. I registered with a temp service. And, I'm going to apply at the movie theater this weekend. I know a guy who's Dad works there. Maybe it'll help knowing someone.

7 comments:

Janet said...

Stop plucking them! Havent you heard that only makes it worse?! :(

xlbrt said...

Hey, I shave my head! Don't know if I got gray hair or not.

But I'm 45, so probably yes.

EC said...

I'm watching that show right now, lol, it is hysterical. If I were that doctors wife I would leave him in a second!! Of course, that was only if I got at least half of his money :-)

supplymadam said...

I made it here finally. Crazy week.
I agree with comment #1-No pulling out those gray hairs. You need to get to the root of it.hahaha!

Rachel said...

If I'm going to get lipo, the last place it would be is my fat lips. Jeez. As if women don't have enough to worry about. And don't worry about a few grays. I got my first when I was 18, and I now have to religiously get my hair colored, which just turns all brassy in the pool. And I don't even want to talk about unwanted facial hair (the one growing out of the mole on my check I have to pluck?). Oh, and one of the side effects of thyroid medication? Hair growth! Yipee.

R said...

Mystery chin hair. Got em too. I've been looking for a part timer also, but no such luck. Maybe we're too qualified!

I don't think my vagina is fat, but it probably use a little electrolosis down there....

Mon said...

Janet:
I like to think that is just an urban legend.

Gus:
I dye my hair....and they still snuck thru!

supplymadam:
I learned this from my mother, who would have ME pull her hair out!


Rachel:
It's good to know I'm not alone! It's rough when things start to change!

R:
That's what im thinking, over qualified. Maybe I'll start dumbing down my application. Geez!
Electrolosis would be nice! no fuss no muss!