How To Be Jealous Of Me...

How to be jealous of me. Read the next sentence. I'm going to meet Brett Michaels. Read the next sentence. You know, the lead singer of Poison!!

Bethie won the tickets from the radio station, and then she won the meet and greet too! She fucking wins everything! Why can't you win the damn lottery girl? Oh well, This is pretty close. Nothing like my meeting Edwin, but then, no one can compare. I know she will be a blubbering fool like I was "uhhh, I really love your music" the stupidest 6 words you can say to someone you idolize. Idiot. I can't wait for tonight. No worrying about a JOB for a few hours!

CP did fix my friggin tree. It's standing upright now. Put some more lights on the burned out area. Sheesh. I put the downstairs tree up last night, and the stand is broken on that one, and it leans to the side. I had to hammer the pole crooked to stand it up straight. WTF is up with my holiday? Isn't it bad enough I can't buy any gifts? Then I constructed a kitchen tree. It's a little 12" tree that I put in a mixing bowl, and attached a silver angel cookie cutter to the top, and some santa, gingerbread men, and tree cutters to the rest of it. White lights round out the cuteness of my tree. I'm so full of the holiday spirit, I make myself sick. Pictures will be coming.

CP went out last night without me. He did invite me but I declined. I thought it would be good for him to get out and meet other people. He says that he met some chick and got her digits. Of course that bothers me a little, but I really think that we should explore other options. I think he just misses the comfort of our relationship. He keeps trying to make up for what he did, but you really can't once the damage is done, ya know? Trying to be friends....we will see how that all pans out.

Have you found a damn job yet? No....no, I havn't. This week though, I did apply for some good ones, and I'm hoping to get some calls. Now that Bubba got a job (yea, that hooch got hired before me!) that's one less person hogging up all the interviews in town. I'm happy for her. But, of course, I wish it were me. I applied to a jewlery corporate office today, Bubba got a call for an interview for this position, so if I don't, with all my experience, something is just wrong! They have a fitness center on site. And an employee discount, AND it's making a smidge more than my minimum required salary. Send me some good vibes people, this could be it for me!

While watching the biggest loser, I decided I should devote 99% of my unemployed ass to working out, and try to get certified to be a personal trainer. Those fuckers make a buttload of dough doing private sessions. The funniest things occur to you when you are pretty much taking up space in your own life. I keep thinking, this time in my life is suppose to teach me something. What am I suppose to learn? Life sucks? I already know that! I hate change, so maybe I'm suppose to embrace it. Hello, um...God? It's not working. I don't like it anymore than I did before I was canned and lost a relationship. Stop fucking with me. I do ask him every night to give me some direction. Then, I have crazy fucked up dreams that make no sense.

Last night I dreamt about a huge swimming pool. People were in some sort of Nascar swimming competition. Yea, I said Nascar and swimming. Then the guy I hooked up with a while ago had an outgoing message on his answering machine about my ex boyfriend 'Z'. Apparently he fucked him over. Don't ask me where this shit comes from, cus I have no idea. If this is a message from God, I need an interpreter. Please.

I'm off to apply for more jobs. Yippee. In 13 days I will be 31. I really didn't picture myself here at 31 for real. I thought I would be totally set in my life. I guess I make some shitty choices. Time to start making better ones I suppose. Oh yea, did I mention that I get to meet Brett Michaels tonight? Just checkin!!!