This here, takes the cake. And you would have to 'know me' to get it. But people who know me will be shocked. And were shocked.
I'm gonna whisper it, because it is so devastating.....
"I actually contimplated having a baby the other day. "
Not right this second, and I am not stupid enough to do it, but for a moment, it came into my head, that, what if I did want to have kids? Do I? Maybe?
Can someone loan me some money to get my head checked? Cus, the only reason I quit counseling is cus I am working 2 jobs and I cant afford it. I think I am in dire need of help.
I use to watch those stupid shows on TLC. A Wedding Story. A Baby Story. A Dating Story.
Usually, you'd only hear me say:
"Those people are actors"
"NO ONE is THAT happy"
"I'm so sure, this stuff really happens"
The things they say...."I never thought I would find the love of my life" (barf) "I knew from the moment I saw her, she was the one"(puke) "I could see my child in her eyes" (these people are actors)
That kinda crap - was all crap! And, I think it remains crap until you think you might have actually found something like that. Then, if you are me, you just freak out. You start thinking about how you don't deserve to be happy, you never have been. So don't go getting use to it, ok? Then I think, I deserve to be happy. That is attainable. But, while I am on the subject here is a short list of things that I want, but I can't have:
a1) (ammended so I am not such a selfish bitch) World Peace!
1)I'd like to have Carmen Electra's bootie, cus its nice
2)I'd like to have Oprah's money, and hell, her jet too!
3)I'd like to have Jessica Beil's body (but maybe a little more boogage cus I'm use to them)
4)I'd like to have Britney Spear's adoring fans
5)I'd like to have Edwin McCain in my bed (that slipped out)
6)I'd like to have a non-profit no-kill shelter for wayward animals (similar to Big Gay Al's animal sanctuary)
7)I'd like to have no bills
8)I'd like to have my very own Old Navy Store. That stocks nothing but MY SIZES. And no one else can shop there. So, basically it's my closet. If I had #2 I could do this in a minute.
9)I'd like to not worry I will lose everything I have (even if I only have what I have right now)
10)I'd like to stop animal testing, and test on babies, er, prison inmates, that are gonna die anyways.
11)I'd like to feed and clothe the homeless, in AMERICA.
12)I'd like every abused woman, to be free to kill their abuser.
13)I'd like to televise #12 and be the next Mark Burnett!
14)I'd like rapists to have their dicks cut off and shoved up their asses.
15)I'd like to televise #14 and be the next Mark Burnett squared!
16)I'd like a wall of televisions, for as many channels as I receive.
16a)I'd like a TV show about me watching my TV's. This would make me the next
17)I'd like to have Shakira's hair, only my own color. That girl has got some hair.
18)I'd like to have an island to myself. That I will call, 'My Island- back the fuck off!"
19) I'd like to have a television show, based on putting people in my island indefinatly. It will probably be scandalous, so I will produce it myself, and be myself. No Mark Burnett wannabee's.
20) I'd like my own television network, and the power to put on any show I have ever loved from any network, any time....EVER. My station would so rock, that I would beat out Bill Gates AND Oprah as the richest people in America!!!!
21)I'd like to move Australia closer, Get a couple tugboats, start pulling, and get it closer to me. Then I could walk over to the outback, whenever I damn well pleased!
22)(this is one from way back)I'd like to round up all the men and put them in cages. They would only be allowed out for mens work, reprodcution, or recreational sex. If they are all contained, they cannot fuck up our lives! This also will solve the murder rate, as most men are the ones doing the killing. I am the smartest girl....EVER!
23)I'd like to make Madonna like me. And be my best friend. But I wouldn't like her dumb kids.
I think in closing, that we should all pull together, and send me some donations. Because, if I had #2, let's face it, I could accomplish all my dreams, and the world would be a better place for it. Call Oprah's Angel Network! The Dream Bus! Something!!!!!!! I would certainly be happy! What else matters????
And, finally, since I am in such a splendid mood this morning. A bitch session.
I paid $25 bucks to fill up 1/2 my tank in my Olds Alero. I think, I have a 13 gallon tank or something. I could friggin' puke! And a guy at work pointed this out, you know that they buy that gas like, last week. So how does last week's gas cost so much this week, when this is the week the prices go up? We are paying more for old gas people! That isn't disaster gas, thats LAST WEEK'S GAS!
And, if its really because of the gulf, how is raising the price going to lower demand? What, do we get a friggin' day off work due to the gas prices? Most of the world works TWO jobs like myself, so, can we please get a day off BOTH jobs. Especially since it takes me 1/2 hr to get home from my second job? Please?
"ok guys, you don't have to come to work today, demand is too high for the gas we need to conserve."
I am tired of hearing how we are the richest nation. Good for us. We work for it. Leave us alone. We pay out the ass for everything, so naturally we make more money.
If you see me around, I wouldn't engage me in any conversations. I woke up on the very wrong side of the bed this morning, something is cattywampus with my mind today!
What do you want, but you can't have?
I really could actually list more things here. But, I wont!