"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Word For Today....Sex Addiction...?

I fear that I may be a sex addict, seeing how, I just had a meeting at work which at, the entire time I thought about sex, when I'd have it again, and what would happen when I did. What time of day, what I might be wearing...you name it.

Don't tell my coworkers. I wasn't thinking about sex with them, so it isn't harassment. Of course I had it all planned out in my head w/WG. It is all his fault I think. Its been YEARS since I have thought so much about it. And then, it isnt 'always' sex I think about. I think about how I love him so much I want to pop his head off, so that could be some completely different issue. And I might be comitted to a psych ward because of it.

I'm not deprived, by most people's standards. And I am satisfied. But I could honestly get it several times a day and I would still think about it. It's a sickness...

Now, I use to classify myself a love addict(see below). That is why I was off the wagon for so long with love. I had a professional head shrinker tell me this one. I told you all I was screwed up in the head. Insane in the membrane! Women who love too much? Yea, that was me! Look up what it means to be addicted to love. That's another post, but you can see, why I turned myself off from feeling it cus that is some scarey shit! Addictive!

Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include:

-Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other
An inability or difficulty in being alone
-Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable
-Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner
-Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
-Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship
-When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
-Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem".
-An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others
-Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others
-Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love

Anyhow, fearing my mental state, I decided to look up the FAQ's of Sex Addiction. (which I don't find to be a laughing matter at all)

WHAT IS SEX ADDICTION? Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.

Ok, I'm feeling this one..... I spend a lot of time supressing my desires........seriously!

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEX ADDICTION AND A HIGH SEX DRIVE?. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.

Ok, I'm scared, cus I definatly get mad when I don't have sex. I avoid letting on how much I like it to avoid rejection, cus that will trigger a wealth of my other mental problems, that have to do with rejection, and abandonment.....and lead to issues with food.

CAN YOU BE ADDICTED TO MASTURBATION? Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.

Ummm, no comment, but yea, still scared!

CAN SOMEONE BE A SEX ADDICT AND NOT BE SEXUAL WITH THEIR SPOUSE OR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?YES! We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict/anorexics.

I have practiced sexual anorexia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a long time!!!!

CAN WOMEN BE SEX ADDICTED? Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.

Duh, why can't women like sex? I don't think I'm that bad yet, but I have some warning signs.
I don't think I'd go elsewhere looking for it or my #'s would be way higher! So, I might be safe. But slowly being driven insane on the inside! I can't help it!

More reading on the topic:

There tends to be a high correlation among the most common addictions, including drug and alcohol dependence, gambling addictions, eating disorders, and sexually compulsive behaviors As a result, many individuals who enter substance abuse treatment programs often suffer from more than one form of addiction. For example, the cycle of compulsive overeating, which includes both bingeing and purging, looks very similar to the cycles of chemical and sexual addiction, particularly when viewed from an emotional perspective.

I think I might have turned my food addiction, into sex addiction!!!! I can see the pattern here:

While not all of those sexually addicted are the survivors of traumatic abuse, in those who are, the sexual abuse often has taken place in childhood, before an individual has the ability to understand and integrate the complex concepts and intense experiences associated with sexuality. As a result of the abuse, survivors may often feel confused about love and sex, thinking that sex is love, that sex is a means for finding love, and/or that sex is the way to feel good about one's self or experience being in power or control.

So if you don't find me around lately. I'm isolating myself. Because I have no control over my mind. Fear not WG I will not cheat on you. I think about locking you up sometimes, but I told you that, and it wont be all a bad experience. I wouldn't think. It's for your own good!

I will write more later when I have ample control over myself. I am consumed 95% of my day thinking about the man. The only reason I give 5% of my time to other things, is because I do have to pay my bills, and pee, well, nevermind, I give it 100% of the time.

I'm a nut.

I'm out!

Today's Question:

What would you do if you found out someone you thought was normal was a sex addict?

I'd invite them over for drinks! jusssssssssssssssssssssst kidding! lol! partially!


Ahnolde said...

If someone I thought was normal turned out to be a sex addict, I would feel more normal!!! haha I know I am a sex addict, and I'm pretty sure Tayray is, that's a bad combo. Don't get me wrong, we don't do it that much, because I'm old, but when we do, it's pretty intense!!! Intense like Tayray is sore for two days later, and my piercing becomes slightly painful!!!

It's not TMI if you asked, Mon!!

Dan said...

Well, I comment on the whole thing, I've seen numerous times individuals replace one addiction with another. I think that the key is to find something healthy that you can allow yourself to completely get involved in and then start working on controlling it, or you may just stick with the activity that isn't damaging to yourself or others.