"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, September 09, 2005

Man! I Feel Like a Woman!...

Let's take inventory shall we?....

Yea, I got one of those
Yea, pants are tight, I'm feelin' it
Weight Gain....
Yea, I gained some weight this week
Uncontrollable urges to eat everything I shouldnt....
mmm hmmm, yes, I have that too
Sore breasts...
Bitchy attitude? ....
Want the cock....

Yea, I am definately a woman about to have her monthly visitor, thats for damn sure! I think the sick part of it all is, given the list of crap I have going on, it's a cruel joke. I feel fat, gross, achy, sore, yet, want to do nothing but have sex? How is this good? You tend to like to feel good about yourself when you have sex. But the upside is I am feeling in better spirits. Soon the evil will be out of me! For 28 days.

Last night WG got me roses....just cus he loves me. Which is the best kind to get!! I really love them, and I think it was very thoughtful. We went to the Bier Haus for karaoke. I didn't sing again. I am waiting to bless him with my vocal stylings.....I might intimidate him and make him not wanna sing again. Cus, I am THAT good! lol! I got to pick him a song so I picked 'Who's that man' by Toby Keith. I USE to like country. But I'm not liking anything new! So, that's acceptable. Fun times as always. I enjoyed going out with him. As always.

Nice that I woke up at 7:31, and have to be to work at 7:45. And, Not allowed to be late cus I have to check in. Nice! Happy Friday! Literally just came to work. Did brush teeth. Half assed. Might go to the movies tonight with Bubba. She asked and I heard nothing else about it. If I dont hear from her, I'm gonna go see The Brothers Grimm. Only cus its the only other late movie. I wanna see Red Eye. Bubba wants to see Exorcism of Emily Rose. I dont think she's seen 'the exorcist' so she doesnt know itll probably be the same, movie.

So, keeping in theme of my slowly approaching bday, I'm including "What I know for sure"

They say you truely come into yourself as you age. So far, I'd agree. Also, when you are young, you think you know it all. I remember when I got engaged....(at 2am and I believe he was drunk) and I called my mom, she didn't seem too happy for me. She knew better. I didn't. I thought, OMG, I'm 19. Who will want me now? I actually thought I was old. I also thought I was fat, and I never was back then. I also had the foolish idea, that the things I didn't like about him, would change. If he wants to marry me....he will do anything for me.

Yeaaaaaaaaa. Silly girl!!

So, one thing I have learned out of all I've gone through, is that people don't change. If they want to change themselves for the better, bonus. But don't ever think they will change for you, or that you can change them. Or that they will even change at all. Stop thinking it, it won't happen! If you don't love a person for who they are 100% then forget it. I'm not wasting my time anymore like that.

I got married for the wrong reasons. I thought it was the natural next step in the relationship. I've always been obsessed with age. Getting old scares me. (duh) But, I would've made the same mistake with TWDSO if he wanted to marry me. I even gave him the power at break up....either you want to marry me or im out. Huh? I would leave you, but not if you wanted to marry me?

Sometimes you don't realize how dumb you sound until you step back and listen.....The only reason I wanted that was, because of my age, again. I was getting to 'that point'. We were also together for 4 years, and if you don't know after that long, the answer is most definately a NO!
It wasn't until I decided that I didn't 'need' that to feel good about myself, that I think I may have actually found the one for me. Right when I wasn't expecting it.

Last year, when I found out he may be re-married...I thought I would die all over again. I cried for days. TWDSO had never known a love like that, he didn't understand my feelings. I didn't either. But now, I think I wasn't jealous so much that he married someone else. But, that I wasn't happy and he was. When my dad died, he came around again. We were FWB for about a week or two. I blame grief. I definatly shouldn't have let him back into my life, but you'll have that. He felt familiar. He knew my dad. He knew my family. And the fact that he came after us being divorced made me feel good that he still cared about me.

So..Pushing 30, what I know for sure is:

I know happiness now.
I know how to not hurt every day.
I know how to not search for love, but let it find me.
I know how to be giving
I know what I want for myself & my future
I know that I am happy doing the work that I do
I know that someone will love me and my animals, and I do not have to sacrifice one for the other.
I know that people don't change.
I know that Neutrogena makes kick ass anti-aging stuff
I know you should drink TONS of water to keep your body and skin healthy
I know how to love. I do.

So, I'm trying to be thankful for my age. I am lucky to still be around. I still have 2 siblings, and my Momma. I have the best friends, and the perfect man for me. If turning 30 is the price to pay for all that, I think I'll take it!

Today's Question:

What is the most cash youve had in your hands at one time?

$2,000. I saved forever -my Taco Bell Earnings, to buy a 1986 Dodge Omni. Silver. It was 1992 but my car was pimpin! Got me to SC and back!


Tayray said...

I'm so happy that you got Roses, way to go WG!!!!!! Two thumbs up!!!
There is nothing to be scared of turning 30, its just a number, it doesnt mean anything!!!
The most money I have ever had on me is 3,000 dollars, when I went to get my first car. Yes, it was a POS. Pontiac Sunbird Convert. I hated it!! I got soaked when it rained!!!

Ahnolde said...

I think the most money I've ever had at one time was $2,000. It was 1997, and I was buying four tickets to the World Series to see the Indians play the Marlins. $2,000 for four tickets!! But I was about to get married, and that seemed like a good present, and it was pretty fun!! haha

Mon said...

ahnolde if i was your wife to be you wouldnt have gotten married. LOL!

Celina said...

I was happy to see your comments "that people don't change. If they want to change themselves for the better, bonus. But don't ever think they will change for you, or that you can change them." I have had many conversations with my best friend where I've said those exact words. It took 5 years for my husband & I to finally say "I do" and I know that it took all that time for us to get to know and accept each other (the good and the bad). Anyways, I'm no expert and it just made me feel good to have a little "back-up" on the advice I've been giving. Thanks.

Mon said...

unfortunatly its one of the things you learn the hard way. But I firmly believe that too!!