I composed this after me and my ex broke up. As my post card to send from the Australia. They have their own slang that I found interesting, so I used it.
(meaning will be in parenthesis)
G'day! (hello) I bet you miss my mappa tassie (womens pubic area). I bet that made you crack a fat (get an erection). Its always a rage (party) here in Oz (australia). Ive gotten stonkered (drunk) on the tirps (alchohol) every night. Ive made lots of new cobber's (friends). We shot off (went to happening places) every night.
There is plenty of spunk's (good looking persons) here for me to crack onto (hit on). I will use a franger (condom) to cover the doodle (penis).
Some day youll realize that you have come a guster (made a bad mistake) letting me go.
maybe youll cark it (die) when you get this. have fun with your daggy (nerdy) life.
Holey Dooley (my goodness) look at the time, I gotta go have a naughty!! (have sex) Im a hot sheilah (woman) over here! Sorry you had to be such a Whacker wacka (dickhead).
P.S. Your a lousy lay!