"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Wednesday, September 07, 2005

P-is for Plagiarize.....

I'm cleaning out my closets. So to speak. And came across an email from a month before TWDSO and me broke up. Let's be nosey, shall we?

We hadn't talked for something like 2 weeks. 2/10/05 (we broke up officially 3/18/05)

talking anytime soon is not really going to happen (plus I really do not like sharing my personal thoughts on email, because you forward them off to your friends) and we will be to tired to talk, so here we go.

(I loved that tidbit! I'll put it in my blog instead!)

You would tell everyone including my parents that “well we don’t talk because I am always at work”. 2 simple things…I love my job and like to work hard, always have always will. I control everything that goes on in this store including the success of my store…….second thing……I care what your family and friends think about me. When you blame everything on me I feel rather stupid and out of the loop, because I know that the only thing they know about me is what you tell them, and recently I am sure it has not been anything great (last 2 ½ months) I do not tell personal things about our relationship very much so when people see you, they don’t know anything (bad or good). Although I can’t remember when I have had something bad or something to complain about, other than your animals.

I loved that part, because he claims to have nothing to complain about with me, then a month later tells me things have been bad for 2 years. Ok..... And, he was a phone store mgr. Doesn't he sound so self-important?

Do I need to talk more to you and not let these things explode to you? Yes! However you are not open to things I say, you have a tendency to get defensive and mad and we don’t have a conversation, its just me talking and you getting mad at me. I understand these issues in your past, but it can no longer matter! You have to let me be with you and love you, unless you no longer love me.

I still love you, but I cannot continue to feel like this. I have to change, just let me know, but you have to change as well. This second job is great for you to get your feet back underneath you, I just asked that you rate me higher on your priorities. You work 13 hours a day, I respect your need to play with your animals when you get home and relax, but on Saturday and Sunday it would be nice to feel loved, included, talked to.

Yea, it would be nice to feel loved and talked to...wouldn't it?

I guess I was bad with communication on that I wanted you to be with me for the rest of my life, I just did it with actions, but again there is that communication word again. We have one common friend and I am sure that we will run into each other, I was just trying to make this as easy for you as possible and just keep the peace.

Yea, it's kinda important to talk to someone. ASS!
The anatomy of a break up...in Email!

The only lesson I learned here, is that just because someone is a "nice guy" doesn't make him right for you. And it really isn't true that all the "nice guy's" are gone.
Maybe the ones that wanna have sex a lot are gone, cus for some reason you can't find a young nice guy, that still likes to get it on. Oh well. It puts me in a rotten fucking mood!

All I can think of is eating, I'm starving. Weigh-in day. For some reason they make us wait until 10 to weigh in. So, I don't have breakfast today til it's over. Been 22 hrs since I've eaten. Which adds to my spectacular, non-sex getting bitchy mood!!!!!

Today's Question:

What is your biggest self-doubt?

Today, and usually, I feel un-loveable. I'll never be loved the way that I need to be. That is what plays in my head. Nothing like being a downer!

8 comments:

Ahnolde said...

Wow, another great day in Mon's world!!
My biggest self-doubt is that people never think I'm as cool as I think I am!! I don't really care what people think of me, (at least I say it) but I always think "What if I think I'm the life of the party, but everyone else doesn't!!" I know, I'm shallow.

Mon said...

ahnolde, you are the life of the party. you just have pocket protector flashbacks! lol lol!

Tayray said...

My biggest self-doubt is, I dont think I will ever be able to cook to the standards of Ahnolde. I try and try to cook something that he would say " WOW" that was good, but it never happens, its always it was "alright". I try Ahnolde, really I do!!! ha ha ha

Ahnolde said...

Sorry Tayray! I can't help it! I'm sure the pizza will be great though!! haha

Mon said...

Ahnolde! You have to build a woman up. Us woman know, that men are like babies, and you have to praise and love them and make them feel wonnnnderful to keep doing things for you. So...where's the love for Tayray?
If Ahnolde doesn't wanna eat man, call me, I'll be over. Cus the only thing that gets cooked in my kitchen, is frozen veggies!!!

Ahnolde said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ahnolde said...

Oh please, Mon. Look at me, you think I don't eat!!! haha I eat, I just don't give praise as much as I should. But I also don't lie, that's a good thing, right??

Mon said...

there is lying. and white lies. lying is bad. telling your girlfriend, this is good, is a nice lie to make her feel good. then when she says shell make it again nicely say 'i liked that other thing better'.
Lying=bad
white lies=good!