"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

We are Family....

My brother, is back in the hospital. He is only 31! He broke his ankle back in February, and he had surgery and bars put in it.
He was back in the hospital in April, when I first moved because he developed a blood clot in his leg. He was in the hospital almost 3 weeks over it. He has to take blood thinners forever probably, there was still a clot in his leg after they went in to remove it. He also had to wear this sock thing on it. He called last night to let me know he is back again. This time, it is in between his shoulder, and collar bone. On the left side. Near his heart.
I am going to see him today on my lunch break, and get his stuff to feed his cats. Hopefully I dont have to bring them over again. I have 4 cats. He has 2. His aren't fixed. They pee and poo a lot and have fleas. But, their my neice and nephew so I don't mind.
Of course, my momma is going out of her mind, but I don't know anything else. I can't make them tell me what is going on. He is pretty sure they have to go in to remove the clot again like the last time.

I feel so bad for him because I am his only family here. And, I work 2 jobs. It is nice that he is only a few blocks from work, but I still have to work, so I can't visit that often. It is hard to find time to do anything working 2 jobs. You end up staying up til 4am like I did last night!
When he first broke it I was living with TWDSO. That was actually the last fight we had, or lets say, the last time he stopped talking to me, was over this.

It was superbowl Sunday. I had plans to go to Tayray's with TWDSO. My brother was staying with us for a while so he could get around better. I had to take him home that day, and he wanted to go to the bowling alley where he spends a lot of time, they were having a party. I asked TWDSO...

Me: "Do you want to go to the bowling alley tonight instead, there is a party?"
TWDSO: "I thought we had plans?"
Me: "Things change, Bro got hurt! I have to take him home first"
TWDSO: "I really don't care what we do"
Me: "fine"

I left, and when I got to my brothers, I helped him clean so he could get around on crutches. He is not the neatest person in the world. So I didn't get home for a couple of hours. Yes, we had plans, but, my brother didn't plan to get hurt. TWDSO tried to make me feel bad for taking care of my brother!!!! He has only child syndrome. He would always say it was my world, and he lived in it, but I think it was the other way around, I rarely got my way! Not that I think I'm entitled to it, but don't say I do when I don't!

When I got home, I asked did he want to leave to go to Tayrays. This fell on deaf ears. His M.O. was to ignore me when he was mad. Fine if you don't like to fight (his excuse) cus neither did I. But, you can effectivly open your mouth and say " I don't want to talk right now" or "I am mad but I don't want to discuss it yet" anything! Actually, I believe it was more like, he was pissed, because I work 2 jobs. He would get mad if I had to clean on the wknds. Because, I had to clean up after all my pets, and the big fucking baffoon that was TWDSO. I hate cleaning up after people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Huge pet peeve! I don't mind cleaning up after myself. I made the mess. I don't mind having my own messes around, cus guess who picks them up? ME! But having piles of trash all around, is unnecessary! So, anyways, not only did I work 2 jobs, and do the yard work (minus mowing) I had to keep the house clean too. He would say "I didnt ask you to move in to be my maid" But yet, would refuse to do things if a room was dirty. God forbid he lift a finger to help. I don't miss him at all in any way shape or form!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe I work 2 jobs because I needed money. I was in cash advance for years, and he would """help"""" me by allowing me not to pay """"rent"""" out of a pay. Well, he didn't let me go without paying, I just got to put it off til next pay. So, I was always behind no matter what!! So, He was being a child because I work all week, have no time for myself, my friends, him, or my pets, and I had to take care of my hurt brother. I am the biggest bitch alive am I not???? ASS!
This went on thru valentines day. We had plans to go to dinner with friends of his, and we never went. The day we were going, he came home from work and I was getting ready and he said "oh, I forgot to tell you we aren't going" okkkkkkk. thanks! The rest is history. We talked for a couple weeks, then I asked where it was going. So, any ways!!!

This goes to show, that when things go along happening the right way, something comes along to screw it up! I was getting to be too happy with things lately.

Keep my brother in your thoughts, he is all I have here as far as family goes!!!!

And, in closing, I would like to say that the force was with me last night....and the force was goooooood. Very good.

I was up til 4am. (well maybe 3:45 or so) I had company! WG brought me coffee this morning! He is so thoughtful!! I love it! He also wrote me a sweet poem, that I read in the bathtub. I don't know what signifigance that has, other than that I carried it with me from room to room and ended in the bath tub. Pst, WG your cure worked BTW!

I am off to bask in what little glory I am able to have today.
Translation: I am going to pack up and lug about 15 boxes of literature for another trade show and it has to be ready to be on a truck in 40 min!! I am so glamorous!!!! I so picked the perfect day to wear a skirt!

Today's Questions:

What do you feel Most guilty for in life?

I really do feel bad about some of the people I picked on in high school. I was mean and hateful!

What is your biggest self doubt?

My ability to make the right decisions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the worst trouble you have gotten yourself into?

Lying. I am a terrible liar, so anytime I would try to lie, I got caught. I would forget what I said or to whom I said it, and how. So, I did get caught cheating (I was being cheated on and he was an abusive fucker so spare the drama) because I couldn't lie when he flat out asked me. shit happens!


Rachel said...

Hope your brother feels better!

Questions 1 and 3 go together.
I got in the most trouble for doing drugs in high school and getting caught. I will always feel guilty about the hell I put my family through when I was doing drugs (and depressed) at age 16. It's my constant reminder of where I am now and how lucky I am.

Mon said...

Thank you!! He seems to be doing pretty good, they caught it early on this time, so hopefully he will be out of the hospital by the wknd!

It's funny how the bad in our lives make us realize what a good person you become when you overcome it. I think when you come from hard times, whatever they are for you, you appreciate the little things in life so much more. Those that have it easy tend to take a lot for granted, not just money, or material things, but people too!