"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Thursday, July 21, 2005

Different is good....

Ever get to thinking, how different you think you are from others, and realize your not really all that different at all? Or, that you have it bad and meet someone who has it worse? It is interesting, to ask people how they perceive you in different aspects of your life.

Strange thing, that is. For instance, for the longest time, I thought everyone had that thing when you drift off to sleep and dream you are falling, and jump awake. Not everyone does!! Weird!

Or, that other people dream about losing their teeth. It means you fear loss of control. I have not once....since leaving TWDSO had that dream. I use to have it all the time. I'd pull them out, or they'd fall out on their own. I think knowing that I don't 'need' him to survive, is the reason.

I also had irratic heartbeats when living there. Usually at night before bed. My guess would be, because I was thinking of how I could avoid having sex with him, yet again. It sounds really bad, but I would just think, ok, tomorrrrrrrrrow I will give in. Give in??? Yea, it was bad! lol! At least I can say I wasn't using him for it! LOL!!!! No more irratic heart either, the Dr. said it was stress related. More like, its TWDSO related! And I am healthy! I also have not had to take sleeping pills since I moved out. I sleep like a baby. I use to get up on average 10 times a night and never felt rested without the pills. This is something you should keep an eye on, sometimes your body knows when your mind is in turmoil and you still dont listen.

I will start calling miracle, if when I go to the GYN this year, my ueterus has gone back where it should be. (it is falling, not tragic at all for me)

But speaking of how others perceive you, WG said he thought me and Bubba were (I forget the exact wording, forgive me..) well-to-do.
I said "US???" yea, that's why we work 2 jobs. It amazes me the more I think about it, how others perceive you. I had this problem a LOT in my younger days, because I am normally shy at first to meet people. Everyone thought I thought I was better than them, and that was why I didn't talk to people.

Or, you see someone who you think has a perfect life, at your counselors office. (that's akward) It helps to think that everyone has problems. I have to pass these extravagent houses to get to 'town' where I live. I look at them, and say some day, I will have a house like that. I really do want a big beautiful home, and I know I can achieve whatever it is that I want, if I work for it.
But I use to say I wanted that life. You don't know what someone's life is like at all.

I am really into my work. I wouldn't think it is something other people notice. But people do. I don't really thing I go above and beyond, and others say that I do.

I also want the entire package, minus the kids. The nice house, nice cars, nice husband, great jobs. But then again people say if you meet the right person you want kids. I don't see 'the right person' carrying around the kid for 9 months. And men don't stick around like they use to. The world is already full of father-less kids, and it really screws kids up! Especially girls. I mean, look at me! And my dad in no way abandoned me. He was an alchoholic, and we didn't have the best relationship. But, it messes with you. I feel I would rather not contribute to filling the world with more kids. They, will be taking care of us when we are old. All those father-less children, desperate for love, making more babies.....

My brother is finally out of the hospital! Yayyy! And, the receptionist said "I didn't realize your wife was here" we must make an adorable couple, since, we look the same. I said "I'm his sister!" Why do people assume you are married cus you are there? Stupid!

Sabotage! This just in....a coworker told me another coworker means to sabotage my winning the weight loss challenge this month, and put food on my desk. Bring it on baby! It only makes me want to win that much more!!!! (it was all in good fun)

I have no big exciting wknd plans. It is kinda nice. I might go out tonight w/Tayray if she goes out. I am in the mood to kickit a bit! She hurt herself playing soft ball. Her second game. She said she is too old, but tayray is way younger than me, so she better stop with the old crap! She is hobbling around work, and I try not to laugh. She said she got some good drugs though! Bonus! Hopefully I get to see WG cus I need my fix. He didn't feel good last night. Poor guy. Sickipooooo! LOL!

And Katie sent me this today. Bitch stole my fish!

Today's Questions:

What is the best thing to do right after sex?

Depends. Catch your breath if it was off the chain....then smoke. Or, get right to the smoking, if it wasn't breathtaking.

What was the moment in your life when you felt most in love?

My wedding. Dancing with my (now) ex husband. My then-friend sang our song 'Because You Loved Me' (celine dion, i know, puke, but it was 1996 ok?) We both cried, and it was just a beautiful moment. She sang so well, and it made it that much more special to us.

3 comments:

hot for jr. said...

When I was married, but seperated, I had the teeth dream all the time. Sometimes I'd open my mouth and they would just tumble out. Other times I'd touch them and they'd come out. I also used to have a dream about going back to school and not remembering my locker combination. I had it all the time. Our minds are incredible
things.
I haven't been able to remember much of my dreams lately, but I had one the other night that sticks out. I, along with some others, I don't know who, landed in the ocean in one of those planes meant to land on water. I went to dangle my feet out the door and was going to slip onto one of the pontoons and then jump in the cool water. I noticed some sharks and changed my mind. We decided to go towards shore and then I noticed alot more sharks. 20, 21, 22. I remember counting them. The whole time people on jet skis were zipping by, and right before we got to shore, a lady came at the plane and I thought she was going to hit us, but she was able to go under the plane.
I couldn't find anything in my dream books on sharks. Does anyone have any ideas?

Question 1 - I enjoy laying next to or cuddling with my sweetie while catching my breath. Once rested, the best thing is going for another round!!!

Rachel said...

I treasure thinking that I'm different from everyone else. I'm scared of being like everyone else. B.t.w. I get that thing where you feel like you're falling when you're drifting off to sleep. And I have losing-my-teeth dreams. I definitely have control issues, but I also did lose my three front teeth (that stupid song is NOT funny) and have gone through hell and back to get dental implants so I don't know what the dream actually means in my case.
I don't want kids, and I've found the right person. Everyone keeps telling me that will change when I get older. I don't feel that young. Everyone my age is having kids. I still don't want them. It's okay with me. I'm happy. Anyway, whichever you choose is your decision. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Mon said...

Rachel: People say that to me too, when you get older you will want kids. I don't see it. I don't have that instinct. Babies are cute, but I don't feel the need to hold and love them, and long for one of my own at all. But give me anything with fur, and I am in love! I think people have different callings in life. Mine is with animals. Not humans. It is good to know I am not alone!