"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Wednesday, October 19, 2005

X Factor.....

I've been under the weather. My whole body hurts. My cell phone was also shut off. As in, no service. It isn't like me to not be at work. I could've been dead and my family would be none the wiser......*sigh*

My ex called me again. 'Z'. Just told him to stop about a week ago. I don't want to keep telling WG about it cus I feel stupid that I allow it to keep happening. But then, I will feel like I'm lying if I don't tell him. So, I'm kinda stuck.

He calls me at work, and I can't really say what I want because I share an office.
He acts like things I said, I never said to him, about not calling me etc.... Just acts like old friends! And, then, for some reason there is the fact that I can't go off on him. I am still I guess afraid? I dunno.

Z: What's up?
Me: Workin!
Z: How's things w/you and your boyfriend?
Me: Great, and soon he won't be my boyfriend.
Z: You getting married?
Me: Yes
Z: Your going to get married AGAIN is that a good idea?
Me: What do you mean by that? What's wrong with that?
Z: I dunno, it didn't work the first time.
Me: It had nothing to do with me. It was him.
Z: I asked (girlfriend) to marry me.
Me: Did you? That's great!
Z: I guess, I have a hard time thinking I will only have sex with the same girl for the rest of my life.
Me: You didn't pick the right girl then.
Z: I like her fine, it just gets boring. I think I need to add another woman to the mix.
Me: yea, your girlfriend outta love that.
Z: I guess now, it would be cheating for you.
Me: It would've been the last time you called
Z: Well now that you'll be getting married. It's like cheating.
Me: Cheating is cheating. I don't think it matters if you are married or not! I tried to get together w/you when me and TWDSO broke up. But you were difficult to pin down.
Z: Yea, I know. I just miss it.
Me: Well you know you could have fun w/your girlfriend if you tried. Or you could get online and look at pictures. lol.
Z: Nah. I need hands-on, in the flesh.
Me: Well, did you think that I would be alone forever?
Z: Not at all. I'm home now so I gotta go.

So, I sat and contimplated the conversation. Why did I talk to him? I don't know. I told him in email to piss off. It was easy that way. WG said he knows men and he is trying to find a weak spot by keeping asking me.

WG kissed me and told me that I am much more than that to him. I am the whole package. He is the sweetest guy ever. I am secure in that he can make me happy forever. It is hard to make me happy, period. And, he does a hell of a job of it. I think I require too much attention. I think I have always thought that.

I hated telling him about the call. I guess that should make me want to tell Z to piss off even more. So I don't have to be telling him about phone calls. Instead of trying to figure out why I can't do it, I should just hang up. I don't even hang out in that side of town because I don't want to put myself into that situation. I never once did when I was with TWDSO especially, because I know he could've worn me down. The same way our 'relationship' started.

I was late to my second job last night. by 2 minutes. You know, they count you as being absent that entire day, for being 2 min late? By all rights I should've gone home except that I live 1/2 hr away and I need the money. I did better last night, made $40. I'm getting the hang of my new job. The guy w/tourettes there, showed a girl next to me pics he took of himself on his cell phone, having a tick! LOL LOL! I'm not kidding, he really took pictures of himself doing it!

WG is moving in the end of November. I'm excited, and I'm nervous. Once I quit my second job, I am soley depending on him for his 1/2 the bills, or we're screwed. He gets paid on commission only. He said he won't let me down. I hope I am doing the right thing. I feel like I am. I just am scared to death cus I'm not working 2 jobs to support both of us. I'm mostly afraid to quit my second job. I am accustomed to my lifestyle! I'm working 2 jobs to save $ to pay off bills, and now, a wedding. Which, he will have to help with too! I opened a new account! I now have my savings, and 2 checking accts. My new account I changed my second job pay to direct deposit into. So, I can get use to living off my main pay. It's gonna suck!

My electric bill was $89. Now, I don't have a gas bill, it's all electric. But, that month I never ran the a/c. And, though it's doubled since WG has been staying there most the time....we are still there the same amount of time. I have no idea what runs the bill up!! I can't imagine the bill once neither of us is working 2 jobs, and we're home more! Ridiculous!

I'm cat sitting for Tayray. Bullwinkle, won't eat when she is gone. I go over and none of his food is touched! So last night I had my dinner with him. He sat and rubbed on my legs the whole time and didn't eat! Maybe he is full on eating moles???

I got another X story for tomorrow. And, don't forget LOST tonight!

Today's Question:

What is the strongest drug you have ever tried?

I tried coke. I only did once, and I hated it. I didn't like feeling anxious and conspicuous.

2 comments:

MzAriez said...

Congrats on the engagement!

You are stronger than me. I can't talk to my X. I want him to be ok, but I don't want to be his friend. I guess there was too much water under the bridge that the bridge is no longer there.

BTW, when I was little, my cat was my babydoll. She even ate while in my doll highchair. I had my senior pictures taken with her in that highchair.

Take care and congrats again!

Mon said...

Thank you, its still unofficial...but on the way! I like to say, your ex is your ex for a reason!!!!