"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Some Things Never Change....

First of all, I had a freaking awesome dream, that I was doing Wentworth Miller from Prison Break!!! He was damn good, and it was a freaking awesome dream!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno what it is about sex dreams....but they ROCK!!!! We got it on in the back of a truck. The bad thing was, that I was dating WG in the dream and he caught us, and left me. Literally. We were camping and he left me there! And, it turned out, he only did me cus we were drunk. So, it was good and bad, but it was only a dream, so in the dream world, I got some killer ass!

That was all stopped when I woke up. You know, I'm having the typical woman day, hate my hair, hate my clothes, hate my life. I'm tired of getting up early only to be even more late to work in the morning. I dunno what it is. I'm wearing yesterday's pants, because all my other pants smell like wet ass, they've been hanging to dry since Sunday. It's too cold for anything to dry at my house. I can't afford to heat it!

So I played that game on the way to work, you know, where you decide what a song will mean then push the search button. First, I decided the kind of day I would have, and up came 'Unanswered Prayers' by Garth Brooks.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when your talkin to the man upstairs that just because he may not answer doesnt mean he dont care...some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

I blame WG for that cus he likes country. I didn't ask for anything this morning, but for my hair to fix. God didn't answer that prayer. I'm over it. I disregarded it, and decided the next would be the kind of night I'll have:

My love is like...Wo My kiss is like...Wo My touch is like...Wo My sex is like...Wo My ass is like...Wo My bodies like...Wo Im lookin like...Wo Can u feel it? (Wo) Can u handle it?

Another bust....cus I'm on my period. Joyful. I got to work and I had a hello kitty purse on my desk. Our operators daughter cleans nights, and her daughter told her to give it to me. Cus, she likes hello kitty too. It's way cute! I hate my hair. It wont do anything. I wanna rip it all out. You know what kinda day I'm talkin about! My boobs are 10 times bigger than usual, which is big. It's been raining for like 5 days straight! UGH!

So...every now and then, you just need a little boost to make yourself feel better. You know, like when you get down on yourself, about anything, you see someone who is a bigger loser, and then you feel good. (This is the only reason to watch Jerry Springer....)

Last weekend my friend Kat saw my ex husband. The loser. She said she didn't talk to him but he came to the bar he use to hang out at, by where we bought our house. She said he asked her friends brother for 'papers' so he's still a pothead. She also heard, that he was in jail last year for coke. Funny thing is, I read about him serving jail time on our trusty county court website. (which is a very handy tool!) I thought it was for failure to pay child support, cus that is what he is in there for mostly, not paying child support. And it didnt' really say what his jail time was for. But, it makes me laugh.

Laugh, because she said he is big, fat, bald, and wore a 'phat farm' sweatshirt. LOL LOL!
Funny, because, he always called ME names. Always blamed ME for the wrong in our relationship. I was never going to amount to anything. I was a loser with no life. I was pathetic. I was not desirable. (yet he came back for the poo tang more than once thankyouverymuch!)

I found out he cheated on me, and his solution was to try to have a baby. Yea, so he could fail to pay me child support! I'm SO GLAD I'm a smart freaking girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yet...let's just see here, where am I now? Oh...yes, I am me! I have everything I need! I am bettering myself, and I have self esteem. Something he took from me.

Funny, how the ones who try to break your spirit are usually the ones who are broken. They try to bring you down because they are down. That's one lesson I've learned. It took me a long time, but here I am, moving on with my adult life. No baggage.

He has 2 (or more) kids by different baby momma's. Apparently, still has a coke addiction, this will be about 6 years now. He claimed to do it because of me. I drove him crazy. You know, I'm so good at that. Some things never change. And some do.

And, I don't care that this makes me laugh inside. It is sweet satisfaction! That is what you get for trying to ruin me, and make me feel worthless. You REMAIN worthless. And, if I ever see you myself, I will happily laugh at you to your face!

Did I mention that Tayray found another mole in her house? She can keep the moles. I guess spiders arent that bad. Except, moles don't bite like spiders do. I get some funky bites. Some day I'm gonna get a flesh eating disease from the damn things. Maybe I'd rather have moles? Hey, did I say that I love nature, and living by the woods? Cus I use to, until it started invading our homes! I'm thinking when I unpack my xmas stuff....there'll be a happy family of mice or moles in the tinsel and garland!

Today's Question:

Where would you most like to be right now?

Ummmm. At home. In bed. Allergies suck. It's cold! Rainy! depressing! PMS! Need rest! Want vacation! Will settle for vacation in bed! Have cramps, and bad hair!


hot for jr. said...

Here's something that should make you feel better about yourself, sis ---
1. You are more confident and happy with yourself than me.
2. You have a man in your life and I just lost mine.
3. You are able to support yourself yet I need a roommate to barely make ends meet.
That's enough for now. I'm depressing myself even more. :-)

Where would I like to be right now? In the arms of a man that truely loves me. How's that for an answer?????

Mon said...

Well that being happy w/others' misery only works when you dislike the person who isn't happy. Men pretty much ruin your life for the most part. At least you still want love. The right person will come along! Doesn't help, but it's true. I find, that revenge is the best way to get over someone. The best revenge is success. But, when that fails, egging their car, or burning their shit up and mailing it to them will work too. Not that I've done that stuff, but, it sounds like fun.

MzAriez said...

Hi Mon.

I like being independent. My X set me back, but now I far exceeded him and any of his expectations.

I wish him well (as long as he keeps his distance) and I'm thankful for our two beautiful kids that I am raising.

I like being a thirtysomething because I have learned to accept and appreciate me.

Take care.... Mz.

PS....WARNING...my X still lives in Ohio....Trumbell County area. LOL

MzAriez said...

BTW...never heard of Wentworth Miller....boy, is he hot!!!!

Mon said...

I'll steer clear of trumbell county! ha ha!

Yea, Prison Break, the guy who plays his brother, is also hot! Give you some good dreams! LOL!

Rachel said...

I'd rather be in san diego with my husband.