"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Is There A Dr. In The House?....

Main Entry: love·sick
Pronunciation: 'l&v-"sik
Function: adjective1 : languishing with love : YEARNING2 : expressing a lover's longing

I have some kind of sickness. First, it invaded my mind. It took away all the doubt I had that love was real. I thought it was somewhat strange, but I really didn't miss it, so I shrugged it off.
I can mainly only focus on one person, and one person only. (suprisingly it is NOT myself!) I try to think of other things, but he is alway's there.

Next, it affected my stomach. It makes it flip, and flutter all the time. It doesn't hurt, it feels a lot like going down a hill on a roller coaster, a rush.

My heart, scared me. I feel a tingle in my heart. I thought surely, I am having heart palpitations, but it didn't hurt either. It felt nice.

My knees, while they have always creaked and cracked, now seem to not hold me up so well, their weak. This sickness gives me weak knees.

I have another feeling that I cant describe as anything but a longing. An addiction. A feeling of always wanting to be with him. And. I. Mean. Always. I thought well, maybe I have the fear of leaving the house? Because when I leave him, I am leaving the house. I feel like I leave part of me behind. But, then, it happens when I am anywhere, and we part ways.

He told me, that he feels like this is a dream, that he is afraid to wake up from. Could you just die? Is he not the sweetest ever??

You have to understand, I am miss independant. I didn't need anyone. Let alone, a man. I was established in my life. I had my jobs down pat. I had my own place. Paid my rent. Paid my bills. Paid my way!

I have my 'kids' that I care for. I had things how I liked them. I had order. I had structure. I had what I wanted when I wanted it, and no one could tell me I couldn't have it. If you were my boyfriend, I didn't do shit for you. I did that in the past....I was the wife. I was the giver. I got nothing in return, but used. I would have love dangled in my face, and as soon as I reached for it, it was yanked away from me. It broke me. It made me bitter. It made me hate all things that were love.

The only trouble with that was, that I forgot what I always wanted the most.

It was Love.

I can't explain how or why things happen, just that they do. But years back, I was a really sweet girl. I didn't like myself that way, because I thought I was weak. And...I thrive on being strong. The truth is, that no one ever appreciated me.

I make myself sick. Thinking about him all the time. Wanting to be with him all the time. Forcing myself to have some me time, cus I really don't dislike spending time with him. I love it.
I love the way I feel when I am with him. I love that 5 minutes after he leaves, my heart hurts and I want him to come back!

I just had to let everyone know, that I am totally, without a doubt, completely in love with WG.

Today's Question:

When have you been most silent?

Me? Silent? HA!
Well actually when I work nights, it hurts me not to speak. I long to use my voice! Lately though, I have been branching out and making friends w/o Bubba there. So no more quiet time for me!


Celina said...

What an amazing feeling! So happy for your and your New-Found-Love-Joy!!

Lurker said...

It is nice when you finally find love!

Lurker said...

It is nice when you finally find love!