"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Monday, March 06, 2006

I Must Be Just Like Crack....

Not Asscrack either! I swear, I've been around me my whole life, but I wouldn't compare myself to a drug. I think I'm pretty easy to quit. I'm a pretty big bitch if you wrong me, so how hard is it to say bye-bye and move on?

I got another call Friday from the ex. 'Z'. We broke up back in I think 2000? Officially. We still messed around, which was mostly my lack of ability to let go. I had that problem in my early 20's. Being a mature 30 year old, now I can say different. While we did talk from time to time during my dating TWDSO, the calls were much less frequent. And, if I went to see him for other reasons, I took a friend along, so as to not get roped back into the sack. And, yea, we tried to hook up last summer when I was a free woman, but it never happened. He has a girlfriend. And, she had his kid. I have a fiance.

So, we made the now ever-popular 'sex tape' when we were dating. I was really embaressed doing it, and I only watched it once through my hands. Watching other people is fine. I don't want to see myself. Ya know..."ugh, I make that face?" This tape has been 'torn up' several times, so he has told me when I get pissed when he mentions it. But he lied

This time he told me that he watched our tape the night before, on his BIG SCREEN, and well, you fill in the blanks. I was mad, and told him that he had no right to watch that, we aren't together! It makes me feel dirty. How the fuck do porn stars do that? Ah, yes, no self respect. I mean, who wants their exes to have live action to remember them by? Who wants to wind up on the internet some day? Men probably think differently on that subject. But I don't like it.

Z was C R A Z Y. I can't say I was much better. I'll post more on that nuts time of my life in the future. But he would make up stories and tell my boyfriends, and broke me up with one guy because of it. So, I've been smart, and I tell CP every time he calls, and what is said. I've told him a hundred times not to call me, then he won't for a few weeks, and call and be nice to me and not mention sex. Then, being the girl that I am, think, oh he's changed. He wants to be my friend.

It is just like Z to tell CP that we've been screwing for a year or something, because that is how he is. And if CP didn't know the truth, he'd be inclined to believe him, who wouldn't? So, he told me that we needed to hook up before I got married. That watching that tape made him remember how we had the best sex. I'm engaged m'kay? Step off, my goods are being leased, and soon they will be paid for.

I guess in the end it should show me, that all we really ever had was a sexual relationship. I am a smart, funny, gal, with lot's to offer, that he didn't even like to hang out with. I'm worth more than that, and even if I am like crack, you gotta give me up. Thanks.

Today's Question:

Ever have an ex that never went away?


Anonymous said...

That is why you and I are such good friends because we are "professionals' that kept them coming back. Oh to be 17 again!! All I can say is James is now married to the girl that could "never do it for him like I could". I do have that little bit of satifaction to hang onto. Sucks for him to be married to someone that sucks in the sack. Should have treated me better!!


Rachel said...

Ugh. At least you can keep track of the tape if you know where your ex is! I had these photos taken when I was dating this guy way back when. Of course we broke up, and it was really ugly, and he kept the pics and wouldn't give them back. I hope they don't turn up someday, somewhere. Or, if they do, I don't want them connected to me. Let's pretend it was some other person.

Mon said...

Katie: how true!
Rachel: I learned my lesson at least! I won't be doing that again! I guess with photoshop it could be denied these days! lol!