"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Love Will Lead You Back...

Tuesday night, I woke up on the couch with CP spooning me, and a tingling hand. It was reached around my back, grasping CP's package. CP had his hand nestled on my left breast. It took me a minute to register what the fuck was going on...Ah. We fell asleep trying to get it on. I remember it, but don't remember falling asleep. Like we're 80 or something? And whoever fell asleep last is an asshole for not waking the other one up! To rectify the situation I had to go home on my lunch break yesterday for a nooner. The things you do for love.

And, on the way back, I heard that Taylor Dayne song. Love Will Lead You Back. It's one of those songs I use to bawl to when someone dumped me in high school. Not caring that some asshole cheated on me, I just wanted him back. Remember in high school, when you would break up with someone, and see them in the halls all the time? Or, had to see them every day, holding HANDS for fuck's sake, with another girl?? Hello? Heartache!

This sparked a conversation with me and the man about high school. I said you couldn't pay me enough to go back. He said, he'd give anything to go back, but retain the knowledge he has now. I said, that's not part of the fantasy. You go back and know nothing, that's part of being in high school. He asked why I wouldn't go back, let's see...do you want fries with your order?

Drama. Be it with your boyfriend, friends, enemies, frienemies, enemies of your friends, someone you like, someone who likes you, teachers, band practice (shut up), whatever. There is far too much drama in school. And it is ALWAYS the end of the world.

The feeling you got when your boyfriend walked you to class, snuck in a kiss, and was waiting for you after, that was fun. If you pissed each other off, "it's over". Then, you can pine for each other, cry all day at school. Wish he would call you. Cross his name off of all your books, (or recover them if this is the third or fourth boy or break up) and start talking to that guy you don't really like, but you know will piss the ex off. Then, in 2 days you're back together. Yay!

How about those hormones? You always hear Dad's say, "I was that age once, and I know all I thought about" well, sorry to burst your bubble...but I'm pretty sure your daughter feels the same way! I didn't have anyone pressuring me to do anything! It was mutual! It's the fun of being young! Holey moley! But then again, it wasn't that fantastic cus you don't really know what you are doing, and I guess something can be said for experience and age. Did I just admit I went all the way?

As an adult, pretty much, when it's over, it's over. Now, instead of moving out of each other's locker (remember sharing a locker???) it's moving out of a home. Serious business. And, in school, I've thrown the man's things out of my locker a time or two. Just as I've thrown the mans things out of my house. I've always been somewhat dramatic.

Being a grown up really does fucking suck sometimes, but it's also a good feeling, to know that you know what you want. You have a better handle on your emotions, and your future. I do complain alot about growing up, but I also wouldn't go back, not for a million bucks. (this is not to say I wouldn't still like to LOOK like I did in high school...totally different thing!)

And again...so we're clear...riding a bike is much harder when your older. I did make it up the hill this time. So, I'm progressing slowly! I think I'm painting my bike again. I'm entitled to change my mind.

On a completely unrelated note, if you like funny things, go read this post over at My So Called Strife. It's a funny with Tom & Jerry and censorship. A must read!


R said...

"Every Rose has it's Thorn" by Poison was always my get away song. I would lock myself in my room and crank it. Remember how important your bedroom was? Posters, dairies, the phone. How about the notes to your friend? We would write notes and all they said were "SUP" and you HAD to write back....Remember when the colored paper was cool? I'm having a flash back when I just loved this boy and I asked him "out" on blue paper and told my friend to slip it into his locker....this is funny, and no I wouldn't go back!

supplymadam said...

Oh man,I too never what to back that time and live day to day in total oblivioun. If we only we knew then what we know now.

Janet said...

It's weird how you say you wouldnt want to go back bc I was just thinking about that today. I was driving in the car and the local college radio station came on. I had a sudden pang, wishing I was starting college all over.

Ahh, to be young again:(

Mon said...

Yes, I had a huge bag of my notes I saved them all. My mom threw them away one day. It was great reading when you were bored!

I know, and our moms didnt have a clue how we felt!

i get nostalgic...but I wouldn't do it over again. It was too emotional a time for me personally. ugh.