"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Nag is a Horse, Right??...

So do you think your guardian angel ages along with you? Cus today I was behind an 80 yr old woman, going 25 in a 45 the whole way to work, sporting the bumper sticker "never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly". Apparently, her angel is old too, and her wings don't work like they use to. I'm so exhausted, I forgot to watch Lost. Me. No Lost. Lost! I forgot! Now, I'm lost about Lost today. WTF is wrong with me? I watched 2 days of American Idol.

The topic came up on the radio, that you are a nag if you did things like, ask your man to do things. Whatever! I view nagging as constantly telling you to do the same thing over and over, cus the man has failed to do said thing the first 15 times you asked him to. What's so hard about flushing a toilet? Or, walking 5 steps (I've counted!) to the trash can to throw something away instead of leaving piles of crap on the counter?

I've read that men think we all hate pretty much everything about them, but we have to pretend not to, until we get them 'hooked'. Then we turn into nags.

My guy, tells me to 'remind' him to do things, cus it doesn't bother him at all. I think it doesn't bother him at all, because he just completely ignores what I ask him to do. It's not like, fix my car, now, faster, do it, hurry up! It's "please turn off the light" "please throw your trash away" "please close the cupboards when you are done" "please clean up the water you got all over the bathroom floor" So, basically he asks me to nag him. This is some sort of tactic that he will be able to throw in my face 10 years from now. "You always nag me." I can hear it now.

Things that, to me, seem like common sense. How is it a woman's fault, if we simply know the right way to act? What would men do without us? They're content to live in squaller, in dirty underwear, with long scratchy toenails, and try to be seen from mars with all the lights on in the house.

One thing my counselor told me that I found to be true, is that men have an internal clock. When you ask them to do something, the clock starts. He automatically will not do what you asked him, for at least 30 minutes. If you ask him again before then, that resets the clock, and costs 10 more minutes, and so on.

So, in conclusion, while most men do not like cats, they have very similar personalities. Cats only do what they want, whenever they feel like doing it. So do men. If you tell a cat to come here, it will wait about 10 minutes, or until you have on something black, then crawl up on your lap and mess up your clean clothes. Men will always initiate sex when you just fixed your hair and make up. They hate being scolded, and you can train them pretty easily with the right food. You can too easily hurt a man's ego, and you can get him to do pretty much anything, if you give up the poo-tang!

We're in luck ladies. The book I'm listening to now "Are Men Necessary" proves, that in about 100 or so years, men may be extinct. We are the reproducers. While men can't make it without us, we can make it with a few of them, or even just their sperm on ice. Women can only have so many babies, but men, can produce enough sperm to father a country. Just one! Ya better watch it boys!!!

CP got me a really sweet card yesterday. Just cus. Which is always the BEST reason. I have a 3 hour meeting today on the re-design of our website. Three. Hours.

In honor of seeing Edwin in TWO days..

She got a brand new lease on an Escalade and a bumper sticker bout a whale to save
And she's burnin up gas like they gave it away, at least her kid's on the honor roll
She got a handful of pills to improve her mood, liposuction, big, fake boobs
She got a Mexican maid that brings the food to the birdcage made of gold
Yes, we're lost in America this land we're so proud of
We got the cars, the girls, the money, the drugs to get you out of your rut
Yes, we're lost in America


supplymadam said...

On Sex and the City I like the Advice Samantha gave Charlotte because Charlotte doesn't like to give oral sex. "You may be doing what he like but you still have him by the balls"

Mon said...

LOL! Good one! Samantha had a knack for making everything seem...Ok