I did one of those mad lib santa letters, and it turned out to be perfect.
In my own defense, I had no idea what the fuck an adverb is, so that is why it's signed the way it is. Had I known what it was for, I might have been better. Enjoy!
North Pole, Earth
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Kat's Office party. It was Tayray who spiked the punch with too much Rum Diddily Ummmm. I can't help it if I drank 8 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Vanilla.
I thought it was funny when I put Beth's New Push Up Bra on my head and danced the Humpty Dance on the Ottoman while singing `My Humps'. I didn't mean to break Kat's Fukuyou 2000 and don't know why Kat would accuse me of Arsen.
I don't remember calling Brandon's wife a Frigid Sheep---even though she looked like one with Blue eye shadow and Purple lipstick!
And when I threw up on Katie's husband's pelvis, it was only because I ate too much of that Pizza.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Mini Cooper through my neighbor's Chimminey. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a fucking Cat and have me arrested for DUI!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all rough and tough. And I'm really not to blame for any of this shitty stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and HUH? yours,
Mon (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 16 bucks!