"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, October 03, 2008


I havn't had insurance since I was let go from my last job almost 2 years ago. Then I took such a pay cut, I couldn't afford to have it at the new job. I'm no awaiting my insurance, which will not be effective until January. Luckily, I am due for my "annual exam". And by that, ladies, you know just what I mean. (yes boys I use the word period euuuuw)

I have had the opportunity to use Planned Parenthood. Which I'm guessing is better than the health department (as I have also had to use the health department before to get a tetnus shot...not fun). My last visit was outlined in my post "national vagina day". Where I was given a paper towel to put on that didn't cover my chest, and told to get naked. I can't imagine what this one will be titled. But judging from my experience thus far, it might be, "national I wish I didn't have a vagina day".

So I get my BC pills thru the mail every three months. Instead of the last time saying, you have one month left, they just waited until they sent the last month and told me to reschedule my appointment. You know, it takes for. ev. er to get in that place too. After 15 phone calls I manage to get an appointment. Complete with the "nothing in the vagina for 48 hours prior to the visit". You know at a nice gyno they say "no intercourse" Nothing meaning what? There goes all my fun. No shoving random objects in my vagina. (no, I don't do that)

So, I go on my merry way until last week, I counted out my pills, and I realize, I'm gonna be on my mother heffin period the day of my appointment. So, I called for three days to change my appointment. I finally get someone on the phone. They couldn't reschedule me cus the "calendar wasn't open" for 3 wks from now.

I was like look, I am going to run out of birth control pills, and I need a supply. She informed me a nurse would call me that day to see "if I could get a refill". You know where I'll have to drive out of my way and go pick up too. Like I can't wait to do that. They treat it like its a fucking narcotic. Yes I'm selling them on the streets because that $7 discount is so irresistable! This is Planned Parenthood right? The bitch never called me back. This has seriously stressed me out.

So I spent an hour trying to get thru to them again yesterday. That place's phone system is jacked all the way to hell and back. And after yet another hour of being redirected and hung up on, this was the conversation:

Me: I am following up on a call I made yesterday. I am going to be on my period for my appointment and needed to reschedule. (finished explaining story..blah...need pills...blah.)

girl: Ok, when was your appointment?

Me: 10/10 at 8:45

girl: Did you cancel it?

Me: Yes, I needed to reschedule it, they couldn't do it yesterday, and a nurse was suppose to call me and she didn't. I need a new script, I'll be out next week!

girl: what's your name?

Me: first and last name

girl: Ohhh....I remember Nisha telling me about you yesterday, she thought Monica Lewinsky was coming in for an appointment, and I told her no way is she coming into Planned Parenthood in (my nearest city). Ha ha ha, you poor thing. Ha ha.

Can we get back to my vagina? Can I schedule my appointment? Can the world get off the nuts of my freaking name already? Now the gyno is making jokes? Why is this acceptable? If anyone can think of a way for me to profit off of years of torment I have endured thanks to Monica Lewinsky, let me know. I may share a cut with you.

I doubt the bitch is even polish. She isn't even a real "ski".


Heather said...

Aw. I totally feel for you. Last summer when I went for my yearly exam, as the nurse was asking questions to find out if I'm healthy or if I'm a slut or something, there was someone in another room screaming "OW! I fucking hate doctors!" then crying hysterically. Yeah. That helped me relax.

Mon said...

yea, boys have it easy. I bet if someone asked them every year if theyve had anal sex, and with how many people, they may think twice about being slutty.

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

So, how many times?

Couldn't resist :)

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Is that really your name? I'd make up some really lewd oval office stories! Play it to the hilt!

Barb said...


Period. (no pun intended!LOL!)

Mon said...

Im not lewinsky. I'm very close to lewinsky, and people seem to think its hilariously close, but really i have 9 letters in my last name and she only has 8. and i have another k and no e. but its close enough to be annoying.

no doubt!