"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Day The Vagina Stood Still....

Don't ask me why I titled my post as such, but I have one so I can say that. My trip to the gyn yesterday was just fabulous. I think I use the term gyn. here lightly. I mean, nurse practitioner.
Back when I had insurance, I use to go to a midwife. Tomato tomah-tt-o. The boy said he had to deliver babies in school, so I imagine this broad was qualified to scrape my insides if she's a nurse, right?

Honestly my experience this time was much better. I only waited half an hour to be called back. There was only 1 screaming child in the waiting room (reminding me why I was there, and decided the slight inconvenience is worth much more than a lifetime of screaming children) It started out with me not updating my financial information, because I have no insurance, and they would have made me pay more cus I make more than last time. That shit aint cheap, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. I still had to pay for my visit and labs, not like it's free. Then, I was weighed, and found out I have again gained back 10 lbs. Up and down and up and down. I can hardly wait til I'm on the last 20, cus I bet that's worse! I'm losing this 10 for good. I'm sick of it!

After being drilled about if my partner was the same as last time, a hermaphrodite, or if I have anal sex.... they told me to take off all my clothes, I didn't even get the napkin to somewhat cover half my boobs this time. I bet it's budget cuts. All I had was the giant napkin to go over my lap. Huh? So there I sat stark naked with a big napkin tucked up under my arms with my entire backside hanging out sitting on the table. My nurse was pretty awesome, she came in and asked if I wanted to put my shirt back on while we talked. Well hell yea! Give me some of my dignity back. And she talked to me. Nothing worse than laying in silence while someone investigates your insides. Hard to believe we pay to have this shit done.

She asked if I had my cholesterol tested before, but since I don't have insurance we'd skip that. Huh? Am I really at the age where my cholesterol should be checked? I actually wouldn't mind, because I'm sure its peachy, along with my excellent blood pressure. Anyway, it's over. Next year? I'll be at a nice Dr. office, with cushy furniture, and gowns that tie in the front, and real live speculums, not plastic. And no one asking me if I have anal sex. I think this whole 2 years w/o insurance has definately given me a look at the other side.

I'm pretty happy it's Friday. It's suppose to be like 30 degrees tonight for Halloweekends. Brrr. I hope I don't turn into a popcicle. It's Sweetest day this weekend. But, I guess it's a made up holiday and it doesn't matter. Sigh.


Allison M. said...

I go next week - always an exciting time.

So@24 said...

You had me at "vagina"

Heather said...

During my last visit, when my obgyn went... down there, she kept commenting about how she loved my blue nail polish.

Erin said...

Well well... sounds.. um... interesting!

I haven't been to one since my son was born and I'm SOOO not looking forward to it!

Narm said...

I'm glad all I have to do is turn my head and cough.