"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Where Somehow It Get's Turned Around on Me...

I'm not sure how this happened. Somehow, the fact that my brother screwed up his life, has become my problem. I was hoping my Mom could help get him back on track. Get him to clean up his place, and go home. Turns out, he doesn't want to go home. Turns out she wants him to be with me. Permanent. This is my problem how? He said he has no choice but to go home but he doesn't want to. Well see, you do have a choice, it was before you decided to let your house go. That was the choice you made. My Mom feels bad for him. Ok, she's the Mom. But then she said I should let him live with me, and not charge him half the bills. "You shouldn't expect that" she said. Oh, ok, cus him living with me for free for 3 months was better?

I don't know how the fuck I went and got stuck with the responsibility of getting him fed. Getting his meds. Buying him cigarettes. DRIVNG HIM TO WORK each day. Wasting MY GAS. Not getting paid a penny. I'm over it. The shits going to hit the fan. I don't want to be mean to him but he is a grown man. And why it is my job to take care of him. I don't have kids. He's not mine. He is 34. Time to stop letting life get you down and DO SOMETHING about it. God. I'm sick and tired of working two jobs, and I can't quit with him there. I'm not getting ahead at all. He is making me hate my own life! You know, no one has rescued me. So don't ever expect me to rescue you. I've done all I'm doing. I don't care if it sounds heartless as my Mom seems to think. If I could do it, anyone can. I've been through a LOT more than my brother has..... A lot! And what am I doing? Still living my life. That's all you can do.

On a lighter note, I've exchanged a few great emails with someone online! On paper, everything's really perfect. But you know how that goes. I guess. I havn't done this before, but he seems to be everything I'm looking for, and funny. I like funny. Cute too! Of course, only time will tell if he's only after the booty. I've had a shitty morning at work. I have so much to do to prepare for being gone Thurs, Fri, and Mon.

5 comments:

EC said...

oh PULEEZ!! If you mom thinks it is so heartless then she should be more than willing to scoop him up - but no, she is just trying to guilt you into doing it! You are a young, single, vibrant woman who SHOULD NOT be taking care of your brother who is 34 for gods sake! Mon -kick HIS ASS OUT!!

Seriously, don't feel badly, just pack his shit, drive him to your moms, and drop him off. You don't need this right now - you have your own issues and financial dealings - don't let him bring you down!!

(((HUGS)))

Slick said...

34? Mon, don't "baby" him. He's too damn old! Seriously, I wouldn't care what anyone said, he's too old to be this irresponsible. No one, not even him, should expect you to support them at that age!!

Ooooo, good luck with them guys ;)

Rachel said...

You're in a tough situation. That's stressful. That sucks you had to work yesterday. You need a vacation!

Chaim said...

The only reason that capable people get in a situation where they continue to need help is because there's always been someone else around to do it. I don't know the details of your situation, but you mention that he has a job. Unless this is volunteer work, that means he has money to pay for something.

There is a certain responsibility that we have to our families in certain respects, but I don't see any reason why a 34 year old man with a job, meds or no meds, should need such babying. Tell him he needs to help out with things or to get packing. He's no one's "responsibility".

Anyway, that sounds tough. I used to be in a place where I was always taking people in. Not into my house, by any means, but found myself constantly being there for people who were falling apart, and I eventually realized that I got really nothing in return out of the deal.

Don't let shit like this ruin your life :)

Mon said...

EC:
its nice to hear from people who get my point of view! I dont want to be mean to him but geez, if i can make it on my own he can. he doesnt make much less than me, and I have way more bills than him!

Slick:
I agree. He is way too old for that!

Rachel:
I couldn't agree more, and I'm going tomorrow, tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

chaim:
I know, we keep helping him. i told my mom we need to set him free but she wont listen. I'm the one thatll have to deal with it when shes gone, so I'm gonna do whats best for me!