"Choosing trust over doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened." -Victoria Monfort










Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Crazy....

Happy news all around today. I lost 43 lbs. 43 is almost 45 which is almost 50. 43 is closer to 50, than it is to 30! It's such an amazing feeling to finally be able to see a difference in myself. I can't wear any clothes anymore. They fall off of me with no help. It's a good thing, and also frustrating to think I have to buy all new clothes. I'm thinking of checking out the Good Will or something. And every time I see the boy I have to buy something to wear cus nothing fits! Fascinating.

Friday, I showed the girls at work a picture of me from last November. One of them said "Oh my GOD". I said gee, thanks! She said it should be a compliment. Yea, one of these days I'll post that there picture. I think after I come to terms with the fact that it was in fact me. I have no idea what I was thinking, to think I looked OK.

In other news that may make you want to hurl. I'm hopelessly in some extreme like....with the new boy. It's simply amazing how well someone can suit you. I actually typed the texts we sent last night. How dorky is that? I just kept reading them so I was saving my battery. Last night, we talked about missing each other. Ugh. So much it hurts for me. It's definatly a test on my patience. It is something I need to work on, and here it is, right in my face! Forcing me to deal with it. I have to wait FOUR days to see him. We are getting together Sunday. The fucking second job, is cramping my style. Kat said it's stifeling her time with me too. Which made me laugh.

I keep hearing the "be careful" phrase from everyone. Why do I have to be careful? He better be careful. My philosophy is this...feeling the way I do right now, for even a few weeks or months, is worth the heartache if things were to go wrong. I would much rather feel this way than be bitter about love. And think it wont happen to me. Or wonder what someone's alterior motives may be because they seem "too good to be true". I lived a lot of my life that way, and it got me nowhere but miserable. I'm optimistic. I'm being honest with myself for the first time, I want to be in love. And if I get my heart broken, I will pick myself up, and want to be in love again eventually. It's the bitterness that brings more unhappiness. And when you see people who are alone, it's usually the ones who are putting people in love down. Jealousy.

I'm kinda sick of not having a life. I am thinking maybe October will be my last month. If I'm lucky. It'd be nice if I knew what my car payment is going to be too. That always helps.
Maybe I can find something thru the week so I can have weekends free again. Can't hurt to try. Be even better if someone gave me a stinking raise so I could not worry at all. Ugh. Be nice if my brother pays me the damn money for the phone every month, that would help greatly!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go daydream about the boy. He makes me smile.

5 comments:

Frances said...

Nearly 50 pounds off.
WOW!
Congrats.
I bet the boy is daydreaming about you and smiling too ;)
Waving at you from New York,
Frances

EC said...

That is wonderful!! Both the boy and the weight loss :)

You certainly seem to be in a whole new "happier" place now!! Glad to see it!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I found that weight you lost. No need for a ramsom note, I am more than happy to get rid of it.
Young, thin and in love. What a wonderful world.

bethie said...

congratulations on 43lbs girl! and of course the boy too. i like your philosophy.....just go with it. one day at a time. you can't worry about the future too much.

Mon said...

Frances:
i know, right? thank you!!!!! I amaze myself. It seems like a lot but really, its been 8 months in the making!

EC:
Thank you! isnt it amazing what can happen when things start falling into place? CP who? lol

anon:
you found it? well, give it to someone else, thats how it works! =)

Bethie:
thank you! yea, you cant worry about what will happen. youll never have any fun!