Yesterday I trucked along on my two hours of sleep until about midnight. When I started to get shakey. And sick. Gotta love that. Today I'm not feelin' so hot on the outside. On the inside, I'm still giddy with excitement. The boy told me last night, he wanted me to meet his friends and family, and that he has reserved that for someone special. He also told me, that "you know when you know" about someone.
This is something that you hear, over and over again from people who have found what they are looking for in a partner. "You just know". I always thought, "is this truth, or bullshit?". Just because I had never found it, I assumed it was bullshit. I thought it was the stuff they put on 'A Wedding Story" to make the rest of us feel like shit with our relationships we've settled for. The questions we all have about relationships are there for a reason. To guide us on the right path. We ask for it, we get it, and we ignore it. Why is that? I can't think of all the red flags I've had in past relationships, but I explained them away as my inner demons at work. Really, that voice is the one you should listen to.
I've had the initial excitement of a new relationship before. Like most people. What I havn't had is the connected-ness that comes along with being so drawn to someone in all aspects. Feeling like you have searched enough for what you want, and it's time to "let it be". It is a feeling. What people say is true. I feel almost silly for saying it, after only a week...but I seriously know. There isn't one doubt in my mind. I knew, before we even met, that this was something special, and through talking, found out we both felt that way from talking, and feel that way after meeting. It's amazing what a gift life can be, when you really take the time to work on yourself. Reflect on the things that got you to where you are. You don't always know why someone breaks your heart. But you do learn from it, if you allow yourself to go there. You don't have to change who you are as long as you are happy with yourself. Finding happiness in yourself can be a long hard road, as it was with me. But, had I not done all the work on me - I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now. I never lost faith.
Loving yourself is important. Letting go of the past is important. And trusting your instincts..should be at the top of that list. Now that I have enlightened you all...I might just fall asleep at my desk. Zzzzzzzzzz......