You Think You Got It Bad...

Well I finally got my damned hair done. I went a lot darker with the glaze too cus it keeps lightening up too much. So, it's a big change but it wont last. I guess I forgot what it was like to have such dark hair. Seeing how I havn't tanned in weeks (thanks to my brother) I think I look too pasty. Not loving it. Need. Tanning. Bed. *siiiiiiigh* I can maybe get 10 visits for $10 if I find a coupon for the place by home. It's better than nothing.

Something about going to the shop that's like therapy. I dunno, it's a girl thing. You talk about your problems, and get a whole new perspective on life. One where there seems to be hope, and you think maybe good things will come to you. Then, your stylist feels bad for your being poor (cus she charges you $80 for your hair) and does your eyebrows for free. She called it "contributing to my fund". I told her she might be on to something, and I should start a change drive. Of course, we are forbidden from any sort of fund-raising at work. It's kinda nice I never have to be guilted into buying gift wrap, or girl scout cookies though. You take the good with the bad.

You know, she also told me I need to stop stressing, because I'm losing my hair up front. Cus, that's always what you wanna hear. I knew I was losing more hair than usual, but I didn't think it was noticeable. I'm going bald. And she found a really long gray hair. Long. I said, I don't ever want to know when you find the again. Thanks to my brother. I'm sure CP didn't help either. Men..get off my fucking nerves!

Speaking of the brother, I dropped his butt off at home this morning. He's going to work at 6pm. He asked did I want to take him in the morning, or after work. What the fuck do you think? I enjoy the hour drive or what? The best part? The absolute dream about it all????? He is working for his boss while he is bowling. Bowling will last until at LEAST 10. Then, he is supposedly bringing him home. The last part may not happen. But the part where I get at least FOUR hours of ALONE time? Me time? No one but ME time? That part is true!!! I havn't been alone since May. I love to be alone. I like my damn space!

I remember when I was a youngin' and I hated to be alone. I guess it was worse than that, I was clingy and pathetic. I never thought I would enjoy my own company. Now, I can't stand not having it. Shit, I love me! So what? Now, if I could only be sitting at home, with a glass of wine. That would be the ideal. But I can't have such things at home, cus the whole bottle would be gone in a matter of seconds of the brother being home. God....I can't wait to live alone again! Remind me of this, when he is gone, and then I bitch cus im lonley. Being a woman, I reserve the right to not know what the hell I want.

That's not true. I know what I want. I want to be in love.
Things may be looking up. Even Big Brother made me happy. If they get rid of Jen, we wont have to hear every week "Hi *insert name here* it's Jeeennn" I always want to punch her when she says that. Looking at you, wouldn't give anyone the slightest clue that you are in fact "Jennn". I don't love Amber, but I think Zach should go home first. If Jen goes home this week I might officially say life's getting better.

Then, just when you think life sucks, something horrible happens someplace else. Most of the people I use to work with lost their jobs too. That place sucks a fat ass. When I heard what happened, I got sick to my stomach. Sure, it's happened to me, but you never forget how horribly scarey it is. I guess they get a week or so to work still. Which, was way better than my 4:20 meeting to say "you're outta here". Theres a position open in my department, I've recommended one girl already for. The money sure aint the same, but it's better than average for starting over!

14 days to Edwin. And...de plane. See, life's not so bad! Right?