I took the morning off work, to go to an interview with Office Team. I'm on the great job hunt for my second job. I love to torture myself with working my life away. I need to marry a rich man to take me away from all of this. If I could just settle for not having anything, I can work 1 job. But, I have this thing called goals. One of which, is to pay off my credit card debt ASAP. Two jobs is the only way. I did excellent on my Word, Excel, typing, data entry alpha and data entry numeric tests. They said I got double the average keystrokes on all the tests, and 90, and 95% on the Microsoft tests. Do I rule? Why yes, yes I do!
Since I don't have to dress that nice to work, I had to go buy a nice shirt to wear for my meeting this morning. Kohl's has great sales, so off I went. The first shitty thing was, I had to shop in the women's department, because nothing fit me anywhere else. Strike one. Strike two came, while trying on clothes in the dressing room. It's bad enough that the lighting in there makes you look horrible under your clothes, but what about everywhere else?
And that my friends, is when I saw it. Plain as day. Mocking me in the mirror. No doubt about it, honest to goodness, my first gray fucking hair!!! Gray. Not blonde. Not a cat hair floating amongst my dark hair. A gray hair. Right in my part of all places, about an inch and a half long. I furiously tried to pull it out, but it wouldn't budge. It kept curling. Bouncing right back up.
I felt ridiculous. I'm 30. I'm not old. Why does my body want to do this to me? I decided, I wasn't even taking back the clothes I didn't want. Now that I'm old, it's time to act like I'm entitled to do as I please, like the rest of the old biddies, and leave my clothes in the dressing room. Fuck it.
It doesn't stop there. I stopped at the grocery store to get some cat food, and picked a few other things up, like 27 lbs of cat litter. When I pulled my cart up to the register, the cashier said, "Maam, you don't have to lift that heavy thing, I'll get the numbers off the side." Maam? That lady was older than I was. Ok, so now I'm old and feeble. I get out to my car, and here comes the bag boy with my cat food. "Is this yours Maam?" "Yes" I say, "That's that main reason I came today. Thank you so much for bringing that out to me." "No problem" he says "My MOM does that stuff all the time. Want me to lift that into your trunk for you?" Pointing at my 27 lb kitty litter. I felt defeated. "Sure".
So, I found a gray hair, and instantly turned into some old crotchity woman. I went from a 'Miss' to a 'Maam'. I called my Mom to tell her the bad news. "Some people get gray hair when they are 18." Like that made me feel any better. I said "I'm not 18. I'm 30." I don't remember thinking I was old at 18. My sister? Said "payback's a bitch." CP? said "it's not your first one, I saw more but didn't want to tell you." I refuse to believe that one.
I'll be working my life away into spinsterhood. Me, and my gray hair. I'll never let it rest. It is devestating to me. I have such a fear of getting old. Welcome to my mid life.